Trailer Park Boys Presents: Park After Dark - Episode 31 - How The Liquor Grinch Stole Christmas

Episode Date: December 25, 2023

Timbims, liquor, and a big pile of presents - is it gonna be the most peaceful Christmas ever? Here's a clue - NOPE! Find out what greasy gifts the Boys got, and who f**ked up the Babcock family Christmas. Plus: Watch out America, the boar whores are coming for ya!

To watch the video of Perk After Dark, go to SwearNet.com or go to the Trailer Park Boys SwearNet app. Hey boys, let's get the Christmas feast, get your Christmas Tim Bims. You want a Christmas Tim Bim? Tim Bims. What's a Tim Bim? Tim Bims. Bims. They're bits. Timbims. You want a Christmas Timbimp? Timbims. What's a Timbimp? Timbims. Tim. They're bits. Timbits, bud.

Timbits, yeah, but I call them Timbims. I don't know. I've called them Timbims since I was a little guy. You got some sweet chili chips? Oh, I like me a sweet chili. You want a Timbimp? Not yet. Okay.

Keep going, man. Keep going man Keep going bubs Christmas feast boys It is a Christmas feast I can't fucking believe It's pretty much Christmas again Me too You know what

I'm pretty fucking excited boys Because I actually Want to go Christmas shopping For you guys I know I know You're going to say I grew a heart

Or whatever the fuck You say to me every year But I just want to Thank you guys for being good friends of mine my entire life. Love you guys. Love you too, the Muscle Grinch. Do you guys want to get into this or what? Do you want to get into the presents? Let's do the presents.

I like presents. Let's get it going, man. Fuck it, I guess. Well, we can do it because we're on the TV. You know what? Let's have a second Christmas on Christmas Day. Two Christmases. Two Christmases. Fuck it, I guess. Well, we can do it because we're on the TV. You know what? Let's have a second Christmas on Christmas Day. Two Christmases. Two Christmases.

Fuck it. One for the people, one for us. Okay, Ricky, this is to you from me. I think you're going to be very impressed. Thank you. Oh, wait, it looks like a... I also got some guests for you guys. A tin of chocolate or something.

Is that what that is? Yeah, a nice wrapping job. Let's do them one, bubs. Is that what that is? Yeah, nice wrapping job. Let's do them one at a time. Let's do them one at a time. Am I doing mine first? Yeah. Yeah, man. Used up the paint tape, eh?

Nice touch. Watch this. Watch this. No, we're doing them one at a time. All right. We gotta focus. See that, Ricky? All right.

Sure. Hm. That's all you got? Focus. See that, Ricky? All right. That's all you got? No, it's the Gorilla T-Rex. The new Gorilla Tape. All right, I'm going to ask you. T-Rex, strongest tape. Is that all you got him, is a fucking roll of tape? No, I got him more stuff, but... What, you don't like it?

No, it's... What's his tape? It's fucking... But it's Gorilla! I don't know if he could use it,... What's this tape? It's fucking... But it's Gorilla. He could use it, but... I've got a couple rules. Not this stuff. That's the T-Rex version.

I've never tried T-Rex. Strongest tape on the planet. He owns it now. Ferociously strong. Yes, it is ferociously strong. I don't think it is stronger than the Gorilla Tape, man. It is Gorilla Tape. T-Rex Gorilla Tape.

Okay, same company. It doesn't seem to be the same company. You bought them at the fucking dollar store, man. That's the cheap shit. Wait. No, no, this is Gorilla. T-Rex. I don't think so, man.

That's the dollar store. It's probably fucking made in... But it's ferociously strong. Yeah. Hopefully. We'll find out. What beats... Does a T-Rex beat a Gorilla?

Depends. No. Rest my case. Maybe, but it definitely doesn't beat Scott's tape, which is fucking lame. Who's this from? Is this from you, Ricky? Yep. Okay, so you don't like your present.

No, I love it. Fine. Nope, I love it. Fine and dandy. You got more presents for him, right? I got a lot of shit for you guys. I'm just going to throw that out there. Not that it matters. You wrapped it in garbage bags, eh, Ricky? Doesn got a lot of shit for you guys, I'm just gonna throw that out there.

Not that it matters, huh? You wrapped it in garbage bags, eh Ricky? Doesn't it feel good to open presents? Well, I'm just tearing open garbage bags, basically. Look at that, it's actually from Amazon. Eh, well, yeah. What did you order for him, man? You got a knife or something, Ricky? He's got a sword.

Oh. Bottom side. What a... What a fun stuff happened here, huh? Wow, man. What the fuck is this? Okay, so you wrapped it up. Did you only get one present for him, Ricky, or is that it?

Are you just trying to make it look bigger than it is, Ricky? What? Opening gifts. You know, one of the best parts of Christmas. I wanted you guys to be able to open gifts. I agree, man. The more gifts, you know, one of the best parts of Christmas. I wanted you guys to be able to open gifts. I agree, man. More gifts the better. Right? As you say. Very good. You've already opened, like, three gifts.

Well, Ricky... That's not... I didn't open three gifts. I opened three boxes. Well, three presents. Jesus, bud. You really got her fucking going here. The suspense must be killing you, huh? Get a fucking switchblade or something, bubs.

Oh, yeah, here we go. More fucking newspaper. Cracky. Is that it? All right. So, is this the gift? Ricky. See, it's the time it's taken.

I'm liking it, man. I wonder, oh. Don't tell me it's another gift. Ricky. Fuck, you must have been pretty big wrapping this up for you, man. Don't tell me it's another gift. Rick. Fuck, you must have been pretty big wrapping this up for you, man. All right. Here you go, buddy. Is that it?

Merry Christmas. The fuck is it? Just a lot of really good money savers. It's a fucking cute compact thing you get in the mail for free. Everyone gets this for free. I'm going to be straight up. I don't have any money this year. You're always telling me not to steal gifts, especially at Christmas.

So I wanted to give you something. Okay, well, Bubz, I need this. There's a lot of gifts in there. I might need this giant fortune restaurant coupon here. All right. There's some good savings there. Two for one. In total, I dine in for two, man. Two for one.

In total, I just gave you probably over $100. What? Oh, man. Well, it's not... No, but I still gotta spend all the money I saved. Yeah, I know.

You would have wasted $100 if it wasn't for me. All right. Am I gonna be going through the same fucking thing? I don't think so. This is crazy. I'm not, like... I don't like shit like this as much as this. I thought you guys would love to open

as many gifts as you can. Well, Tim Hortons. Here we go. What's that? What's that smell, man? I bought you a salmon. A what? Salmon.

Salmon? There's not a salmon in there, is there? I don't like fucking salmon. Jesus Christ, Ricky, come on now. This is a little too much. Once is good enough, man. Hey, well, next year I'll know. You guys don't like opening gifts.

I love opening gifts, but not gifts that are in gifts. Ricky. Merry Christmas, boys. Don't spend it all at once. There, I guess I don't have to buy a coupon now. It's a different pack of coupons. This one's got a bunch of pizza ones. You guys can share and swap.

Here, you take that one. I'll take yours. No, no. Never-ending gift. I just want the Chinese food one. All right, forget about ones. You guys can share and swap. Here, here, you take that one, I'll take yours. No, no. Never ending gift. I just want the Chinese food one. All right, forget about it. Maybe I want the Chinese one. I wasn't supposed to give you that one. All right, thanks.

You're gonna need this one back. You can have the rest of them. Did you get me something? Yes, do you want your present from me? Yeah. Might as well get your guys' presents out of the way Because you guys are going to be here for a little while Open up my shit

You're going to fucking love this, Julian Pylon, is that what it is? Here it is It's fuckbubs No, but Is this the one that was up by the fucking office? No Forever?

No That's a brand new fucking top-the-line pylon. That's nice. Where the fuck did you find this? I bought it at the pylon store. You did not buy it. Who buys pylons, Bob's? That's a fucking nice one.

When? All right. You can keep it in your back seat. Now you can park anywhere you want. You just shut the pylon out. I park anywhere I want anyway now. Yeah, but now you won't get hassled. Who hassles me? Bob's, I I park anywhere I want anyway now. Yeah, but now you won't get hassled.

Because you look official. Bob, I don't think I need this thing. Oh, you don't want the pylon? All right, here, take that. I want the tape though. That's a fucking awesome gift, man. Let's go with the tape. No.

What do you mean? I didn't know it was a swap. It's a swap. No, you're not giving your tape away, Ricky. See how that fits right under there? Forget about it. I don't want anything. It's a swap. No, you're not giving your takeaway, Ricky. See how that fits right under there? Forget about it. I don't want anything. It's okay. It's all right.

I don't need anything. All right. It's all about giving anyway. Okay. Okay. All right. Just don't worry about that. Let me see.

Who sent it? Let's see here. Fuck. Okay, don't. These. Joe Kevin, hope your tuberculosis gets better. Is that what it says? All right, that.

Where did you get this? That was the wrong tag. I was given to some. To the twins. Little Joey and Precious Cindy? Yeah, I was doing a toy drive for the kids, but forget about them. That's different. This is different bags. To the twins. Little Joey and Precious Cindy? Yeah, I was doing a toy drive for the kids, but forget about them. That's different. This is different bags.

I don't know, man. These are just bags I found, but I filled them up with this shit. You stole somebody's Christmas present. To Mrs. Babcock, stay strong. To Mr. Babcock, beg Joey don't give up. you'll find work soon. He's out of work.

That is... He's out of work and he's probably... You know what, people lose their jobs. Tell me you just reused the bags. It's just some reusing bags. Somebody probably bought them as necessities. All right, I found these at a shopping cart at the mall. Just the bags, though.

Well, okay, that's cool. What the fuck is this? What is it? Gooseneck stand for a smartphone. Satin sleep mask. That'll be... What is it? That'll come in helpful.

How do you not know what it is if you bought them for me? We got a hand mask. I was fucking drunk when I was... A what? A hand mask. I always liked myself a good hand mask. Oh, CAC-1. Yeah, those are good, eh? hand mask. Oh, CAC-1! Yeah, those are good.

Extra bass stereo headphones by CAC-1. I got those off Amazon. Andy's Stress Heat Therapy. 50 bucks. There you go. CAC-1 isn't that Dr. Dre's company? I don't know, man. Yeah, it is.

Actually, Dr. Dre sent those to me to give to you. Okay, what the fuck is this shit? There's probably an autograph in there somewhere. Oh, there you go, Bob. Look, it's a litter scooper, I think. Okay, what the fuck is this shit? There's probably an autograph in there somewhere. Oh, there you go, Bob. Look, it's a litter scooper, I think. Oh, fuck, that's his. I think this was probably from Mrs. Scooper, buddy.

This was from Mrs. Babcock. Oh, that's a nice one. That's a good one, huh? Citrus reamer. I guess you could use that for other things. Was that for Babcock? This was Mrs. Babcock's fucking Christmas gift you stole. Is that an ass turkey? You can use it for that if you want.

What is it? It's a citrus reamer or... Ass turkey. Self-pleasurer. That looks like an Egyptian bat plug. I think you should take this back to Mrs. Babcock. I don't mean to shit. This is not for Babcock.

This is for you, man. Some weird choices, dude. I'll use that fucking... I've known him like a... What do they call him? I'll ream the shit out of some stuff. Metrosexual. You turn into one of those, man.

Use those creams. This is Snowball Maker. I guess this was for the twins. Twins probably would have loved these. That's why there's two of them, I guess. Well, you can't have a snowball fight with just one person. You know what I mean? You need two.

Who's this two? Mr. Babcock, Big Joey. That is that. Who doesn't have a job? Don't give up. You'll find work soon. Okay, we've got three assorted funnels. Perfect.

They got him some tinsel for his tree. That's for drugs. I'm not sure what the twins would have did with those anyway. No, those are for your whatever, man. Block. Honeywell, bud. I guess that's it. Scrub brush.

He was probably going to become a janitor. Twins got tons of things. He didn't have his tools. You need a good scrubbing for your toilet. Holy fuck, man. That's awesome. That's a toilet. That's for nasty things.

Nice. Use that on your barbecue. Let me see. I thought it's a toilet. That's for nasty things. Nice. Use that on your barbecue. Let me see. I thought it was a toilet scrubber. Oh, yeah. A back scratcher. A back scratcher. Oh, yeah. There we go. Very nice, man.

That's the scrubber. A headlamp. Maybe he was gonna be a coal miner. No, maybe you're gonna be a coal miner, because that's yours, buddy. Oh, this is the professional model. Yep. You can scrub any mess with that thing, bud. Clean, big, quickie. any mess with that thing, but... Clean, big, quickie.

Clean tires, rims, toilets, dogs. What's this? Your mama's... What's this? That is a... It's a little... It's a wedge. It's a door-max. Oh, it's a door stopper. Yeah, it's a wedge. That's a big one. Kind of over-cooked, isn't it? It's a fucking wedge, man. No, big, that's for doors. That's for a gate.

It's for your fucking shed doors, man. Heavy door. Oh, a nice lure. A lure. Yeah. You want me to see it? It's a good one, man. Yeah.

It's a lure. Doesn't look great. No, it's the best one. Well, he's probably, you know what? He's out of work. They were probably getting him that so he could catch his goddamn dinner. Who are these imaginary people you're talking about? The people you stole from.

I did not steal gifts for you guys. Julian. You went to the store and picked out these things for us. I was pretty drunk. Two snowball makers. I was wasted, actually. Yeah. And a fucking set of funnels.

Heat cream. Yeah. And a sleep mask. Very thoughtful. And a back scratcher. I'm calling bullshit, and I'm calling you a Christmas liquor grinch. Because you fucked over their fucking Christmas. All right, you want me to give them back to you?

Yes. Bubz, do you want me to give these back to the people? Yes. Are you admitting you stole them? Put it all back. Put it back in the bag. I'm keeping the cats over. No, you're not.

You're taking every single one of these back scratchers. You guys, you know what? This is what happens. You guys are fucking, like to hurt people's feelings, eh? Put it back in the bag. You want to know what I really have for you guys? No. I need you guys to give me a hand.

You knew we were going to fucking call you on your bullshit. I made these myself. Merry Christmas. Or Merry Xmas. Merry Xmas. Merry Xmas, Ricky. Free Chinese combo number two. Yep. Yes!

That fucking expires. This is handmade, though. It expires next week. Whoa. Yeah. All right. But how am I going to cash that in? Nobody's going to, the restaurant's not going to take that.

I'm going to buy it for you,... the restaurant's not gonna take that. I'm gonna fucking... I'm gonna buy it for you, man. It's on me. Oh, man. Okay. And I've got that coupon there, so... That's a fucking... Take that and it's... well, I wanna get one free. That's a $15 gift right there. Maybe I'll get one for myself.

That's a $15 value. You know what? I'm using this for our New Year's fucking party. Yep. Yeah, I want, that's what I'm going to use. I'm going to get these back for Babcock. Actually, I'll give you the address, man. I'm not taking it. It's the fucking blue hose that's down on the corner of McDonald there. Let's drop it off at the front, man.

These are for the twins from Ricky? Yeah, we can keep these if you want. Eh? Eh? Sure. Bubs, you're fucking trying to keep the light aren't you? I wasn't, it got put in the chips. Alright, that was fun boys, thank you. Yeah, that was something else.

Yeah, I'm glad neither one of you liked my gifts. I love both your gifts. If I was to say I love my gift B buffs, I'd be lying to your fucking face. I thought you'd love the pylon. Well, give me a use for it. You pull up at the bank. Yeah. No parking?

Oh, I don't think so, bud. I park, put out the cone, the cops come, they're like, oh, something official's going on. But if I pull up like I usually do right at the front of the bank, someone goes to give me a ticket, I say, get the fuck away from my car, they leave. Or if I do get a ticket, that's the whole way. What if you're in the bank when they're giving you the ticket? I've never

paid. Pile on. So we got three days till fucking official big Christmas day. Yeah. I might, I'll see. I might be able to get you guys something before then. We'll see. Yeah. I might... I'll see. I might be able to get you guys something before then. We'll see. Yeah, I hope so.

Pups? Doesn't matter, Ricky. It's the thought that counts. Yeah, exactly. I didn't want you guys to have nothing, and I wanted you to open as many things as you could. I just didn't have any fucking money, and you said no stealing this year,

although he didn't listen to that. I was drunk. I enjoyed opening presents. It was half the listen to that. I was drunk. I enjoyed all the presents. It was half the ship, boys. It was just weird. Moving on. Christmas throne thing. You see that thing that came out last week

or this week about Family Feud? No, what happened? Richard Dawson was the host. The fucking contestants had to have herpes tests before they went on the show. Are you kidding me? Because he was smooching everybody. All right, here's the question.

He was smooching everybody, yeah. Was it what? Did both? You could do that today, could you? But both dudes and women? Or just the ladies? Whoever. I think he just kissed me.

Was Richard kissing the fellas as well? No, just the ladies, right? No, he'd give them a ball cap. He said that he kissed the women to calm their nerves. No. He did not. I think there was probably a little more to it than that. I think.

Was he slipping the tongue when he was kissing these contestants, I wonder? No, just a swoosh. I wonder if he did a herpes test. I wonder how many contestants he ended up banging throughout his career. Google it. I. Google it. I'll Google it. You can't ask him because he passed, unfortunately. He's dead, man.

He was in Hogan's Heroes, eh? Nobody knows what the fuck that was anymore. Richard Dawson. Richard Dawson. Dawson's Creek. He started that show. No, he didn't, man. He was the producer.

How many? Oh, man, this is fucking gross. There's a company called the Chopped Creative Salad Company. Yeah? I guess they sell salads, probably. I would think. Well, this woman was chowing down on a salad earlier this year. All of a sudden, she had this weird thing in her mouth, pulled it out. The tip of someone's finger.

No. Yeah. Get the fuck out. The manager at the restaurant chopped the tip of her finger off preparing the arugula. Went to the hospital to get help. Nobody else realized the finger and all the blood was still there. They served it to the customers.

And this unlucky lady got the chow down on someone's finger. I wonder, was it chewy? Probably chewy, right? I would think, yeah. Was there a bone in it? Oh yeah, there's got to be a bone for sure. Definitely chewy. Forty years later, Richard Dawson is still

getting dragged through the fucking mud over this shit. Of course, man. He's fucking creepy. Well, okay, there's nothing about him banging people. Well, he probably didn't go around ragging about it. No, he didn't. I wonder if he drove a great big long Cadillac. Why would he?

He seems like a fella that would drive a great big long Cadillac. Convertible or hardtop? No, I think Dawson would be a hardtop guy. Yeah, he probably didn't need any more attention. You know what? Let's find out what kind of car he drove, man. We can't find out if he bagged anybody. We're going to figure out what he drove. We've heard this headline before, but this just happened again last week.

Indiana police arrested a dude and he was limping couldn't really walk properly so they did a little exam and they found a bunch of drugs in his rectum and a handgun drugs and a handgun

how the fuck do you get a handgun I've thought about it how do you do it without the trigger going off. Well, you want the safety on for sure. Blow your pancreas off. That's a fucking tough one to get into your

rectum. I don't know. Would you go handle first or would you go barrel first? You'd probably go barrel and then try to twist it, I guess. Would you handle first and twist it? How would you put a gun up your arse? You gotta you handle first and twist it what would you how would you put a gun up your arse oh you got to go handle first man handle first yep and then the barrel sneaks in at the end yeah well i guess you'd want the barrel pointing that well the thing

is you got to put the handle in this way the gun up that way because the handle goes in then it slips up it's all how it's it's just i guess you do want the barrel pointing out, don't you? You want it. It's got to go like a slide in like that. So it's kind of a little bit of biology, a little bit of physics? It's a little bit of biology. I didn't know the rectum formed like an F. Mm-hmm.

Well, kind of. All right. It doesn't, I don't think, Ricky. I think he's sort of stretching things around in there. How many drugs were up there with the guns? A couple bags of weed and some pills. It's a fucking big rectum. It's kind of like a bum purse, really.

You know what fucking Richard Dawson used to drive around? You'd have to take some time stretching it out, wouldn't you? You're not just going to do that on your first try. No, you'd need like a shoe stretcher. You know, those things you get to stretch your shoes. You just jam that up your ass. That's what the fuck he drove. Why is it?

It's an old Mercedes, man, but... What the fuck are you talking about? It's got the fucking flag on there. I wonder if he took that off. That's not his fucking... He bought it. He did the Hogan's Heroes, and he bought that thing, and he was rocking around in it. Wow.

Oh, in the Hogan's car? Yeah, man. That was Colonel Klink's car, wasn't it? He bought that? He did, man. He took the Nazi fucking... I don't know. I hope. Probably. You wouldn't think that'd be real popular driving around.

No. I would drive the hell out of that, man. He kind of looks like a dirty Nazi, too. Yeah. He had a sort of a Hitler hairstyle. Oh, yeah. Minus the stache. He was doing some banging in that car. I'm telling you, Ricky, that's the fucking tape.

You know what? It even turned up in an episode of Battlestar Galactica, 1980. That same one. Hmm. That tape was on, they talked about it on CNN. So, famous. What is? That tape. Bob, that tape is just a rip-off of Gorilla Tape, man.

I'm telling you, it's just a shitty... Yeah, you watch this. I bet you Ricky could tape this. Oh my God, he can barely get it off. Yeah, because it's too sticky. Oh, yeah. It takes some work. Yeah, because it's T-Rex. I don't know, man. Rips pretty good, like leather.

What do you think? Oh, yeah. That's a fucking pile on it. It only weighs a pound. No, that's the industrial one. Stick it on the fridge. See if you can budge that. I can't even get my finger out. See?

All right, bud. You did good. I know. We need another test. All stuff you can fix around here. I'm a lot more excited about this than I thought I would be. Well, just think all the repairs you can do. Not working so well on the fridge, bud.

Well, the fridge has a layer of grease on it. No, that's a good fucking gift right there. So did your mother's tits. T-Rex. Rick, your own time. Made in the USA, so it's got to be good. Yeah. Oh, fuck.

Did you hear about the pig problem we're having in Canada? I'm just setting that up, aren't I? Return. There's a big problem going on, boys. We're fucking up the Americans with our pigs. You know what's happening? No. We've got some pigs along the border out west.

They're starting to fucking hook these pigs up. They're nice friendly pigs up with the boars, right? Because they're a little bit bigger. More meat maybe. Anyway, these fucking pigs

are like just, they're all over the place now and they're heading down into the United States and they're fucking people up. Really? These pigs are taking down elk. Like a gang of pigs.

They are ferocious, man. They're like killing animals and fucking things up. So to the Americans, we apologize for our pigs. It's not my problem, though. It's not our fault. It's not our fault, man. I didn't know that Canadian pigs were so ferocious. Because they're fucking banging boars.

What? Boars, your mama. They're boar whores, basically. That's what's happening. Boar whores. Yeah, and they're just, they're taking their,

they're fucking up crops every day, man. So what do they do about it? They gotta kill them. They gotta shoot the motherfuckers and watch the bacon like. Probably not that great

with bullets in it. Bullet bacon. You know what I'm saying? Bullet bacon. We're basically just giving them a bunch of free meat. They're getting a lot

of free meat, but they're just, they're more of free meat They're getting a lot of free meat But they're more of the Like these things are taking down fucking elk How many pigs I'd like to see that in action Me too How many pigs does it take down an elk It's not a one on one is it

Yes One pig can take down an elk I think they're traveling around in gangs man I thought an elk should be able to outrun a pig. Well, it's called a... Pigs got short legs. Yeah, they probably grab ahold of their legs and fucking don't let go of their big, crazy fucking husks. They're not camouflaged either.

Isn't it called a coven of pigs? What's a multiple pigs called? School. A school of pigs? Yeah, a gang. A gang? Okay, just say. I thought it was a coven.

A group. Coven? Coven. Group. Good. Of pigs. You would know. What's a group of pigs called?

It's a coven, right? It's fucking lame. A drift or a drove. A drove of pigs. Watch drove. A drove of pigs. Watch out for the drove of pigs. That's fucked. Fuck that. We're going to call them the gang of boars.

Who's in charge? I'm saying that's the fucking word for it. A what? Who's the fucking guy that say from now on the gang of pigs is called a drove? Gandalf. Not us, man. Gandalf, probably. Fuck's sake. I got a good buzz on, drove. Gandalf. Not us, man. Gandalf, probably. Fuck's sakes.

I got a good buzz on, boys. Me too. Two bucks. Wow, that's a pretty good profit. I wish they were bigger. It's not quite big enough. You know what, give these back to the twins. I don't fucking need them.

What if somebody got a hold of your nutsock like that? Or one of each ball. That won't be good, man. That won't be good. Come fucking need this. What if somebody got a hold of your nutsock like that? Or one on each ball. That would be good, man. That would be good. Come in like this. Oh. And then you just start tug of war on them. Jesus. There's a story on the, there's a story here on these pigs.

You're fascinated by the pigs, huh? Well, I went on the internet and here we are, man. You've always liked a nice pig. Nice pig. You've always been into pigs, Julian. I've been into the are, man. You've always liked a nice pig. Nice pig. You've always been into pigs, Julian. Been into the bacon, man. Making the bacon.

You and pigs go hand in hand. Oh, man. With their tugs, tucks, tugs, with their tusks, they can dig up

the two meters under the fucking snowman. So they're tunneling in across the border and they're like, surprise, motherfuckers. I'm fucking shit up. We're going to fuck your elk. I didn't know that. They're super pigs, man.

Now they're fucking the elk? They are fucking them. They're eating them. They're doing everything. Wow. And they're intelligent enough to avoid human hunters, man. That was a Bing Crosby song, wasn't it? Fucking and Killing?

Nocturnal. They are nocturnal fuckin' pigs. That's how they're fuckin' them up, man. Oh, nighttime pigs. They're nighttime hunters. Nighttime underground snow pigs. We got a video. I want to bring you the original now, an in-depth reporting on a topic we've been watching, and tonight What did I tell you? You heard from me first.

...on your radar up north, a so-called super pig invasion. And honestly, it's exactly like what it sounds like. It's huge, very Did I tell you? You heard from me first. Four whores. Yep. Look at these cocksuckers. Look at these guys. Holy fuck. They look pretty nasty.

Your mother looks like she lost weight, though. All right, fuck off. Super pig. That looks like Randy. They look like fucking elephants....but also large body size and very, very... I don't know. Those little fuckers.

...Associate Professor Brook has been studying feral swine for the past 13 years. He's now sounding the alarm on a huge population of super pigs that have been running wild in the Saskatchewan wilderness for decades.

For decades. For decades. ...large mammal on the planet. Associate Professor Brook says Canadian pig farmers Did bred super pigs in the 80s. What did they just say there? Just say. On the planet. Oh, fuck off.

On the planet. For decades. The worst invasive large mammal on the planet. The worst. Associate Professor Brooks says Canadian pig farmers first bred super pigs in the 80s. All right. In order to increase pork production. He says when the pork market collapsed in 2001, hundreds escaped captivity. All right.

Smart man. 700,000 square miles of super pigs? Holy fuck. Mostly in the South. Massive crop damage. Wow, guys. All right. Boys, I'm a little, I'm getting a little scared.

Me too, man. We couldn't fight off a boom was killed by feral fucking hogs, man. They're super pigs. Because they've adapted over hundreds of years to the warm, humid climate of the South. I don't think we could fend off an invasion of super pigs. No. Hopefully we don't have to ever do it. We'll tape the door shut for sure.

There you go. With the T-Rex. Well, we apologize, America, and you've got your feral pigs down South, but our feral pigs are not super pigs. They can adapt to shit. Robbery gifts back to the proper owners. You guys take care of that.

And then I think we should get the party going. Let's do it, man. All right. We'll just stay here and get drunk, clean up a little bit. All right? Cheers. Let's get some, let's go give some money to some homeless people. Merry Christmas, everybody.

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