Trailer Park Boys Presents: Park After Dark - Episode 31 - Santa Bubbs Is Comin' To Town

Episode Date: December 24, 2021

It's the worst Christmas ever for Julian the liquor grinch - he's run out of booze! Thank f**k Santa Bubbs is here with a bulging sack and a Christmas miracle! Let's find out what awesome (and f**ked) presents the Boys get this year...

Man, you gotta get in a fucking better mood, like... What happened? You don't have booze, big deal. I'm on mushrooms, fucking weed, and hash, I feel great. Big deal, not... It's almost like being drunk, try it. Ricky, as soon as this is done, which I've been nursing since last fucking night, this is done, I'm going to sleep like a fucking bear.

Wake me up when the fucking liquor store is back. We're fucking partying all night. I'm not partying. Well, I may as well just fucking go home then. Sleep in my own fucking bed. You've got me for another fucking maybe one hour, and that's it. Well, you're ruining Christmas, man. You're like the fucking Grinch again.

Actually, 55 minutes now. You're officially You're like the fucking Grinch again Actually 55 minutes now You're officially full on the liquor Grinch this year Who's the liquor Grinch? You If I was the liquor Grinch I'd have tons of fucking liquor wouldn't I? No Fucking close down the fucking god damn liquor store There's the stupid fucking COVID

I know I didn't know they were going to fucking close it Somebody should have fucking told me They should have had it on every radio station. On the fucking news. Special news report. Flash on the fucking TV. Liquor stores being closed. Fuck. It's fucking bullshit.

Boys! What's going on, Santa? It's Christmas time. Log out, Ricky, move your chair! Holy fuck, man! Santa's here with his big fucking bag! Jesus Christ! Ha ha ha!

Holy fuck, am I ever excited! Julian! What? I got the presents! Great. Are we gonna... That's a lot of stuff, man! Oh, Ricky, you wait.

Shop and cart business has been good the last couple months, boys. Mr. fucking Cranky Liquor Grinch over here. You know what? I'll resume Christmas as soon as the fucking, what is it, Boxing Day is open again? The liquor store? Nope, 27th. The 27th. Okay, 27th. So you're fucked.

Talk to me then. Until then, I'm sleeping. Julian. You're fucked until Monday. When has the B-Man never delivered on Christmas? What are you talking about? Tell me that. Just come sit with me for a minute.

We're going to talk. Look at all these snacks. This is going to be a wicked fucking Christmas. I can't believe it's Christmas Eve, boys. I know. We're going to have a Christmas miracle. Fuck COVID. We're having a good Christmas.

Oh, we're going to have the best Christmas. Okay, look. Put that on. I'm not putting good Christmas. Oh, we're gonna have the best Christmas. Okay, look. Put that on. I'm not putting that on. Julian. What? Put it on. You put it on and Santa will give you a Christmas miracle. Yeah, what kind of a fucking miracle is that gonna be?

I got my Christmas racing sweater on, the Mermaid. Oh, that's decent, Ricky. Look, Julian. Do-do-do, do-do-do. Dancing along. Do-do-do, he's dancing along. I was going to put a big elf wiener on him right there. Jam it in your mouth. Get some rum and eggnog in you, man.

Oh, yeah, with this? This is for you. Wait now. That's got some weight to it, man. Is that for working out? Oh, ho, ho, ho, ho! Are you fucking kidding me, man? No way! Yes!

Fuck yeah! Come here, buddy! Fuck I love you, man! All right, you're good for tonight. Hang on! I'm fucking... Free, man! Donnie told me that they were closing the liquor store, and I got in my cart and I fucking sped down there. I think, fuck man. And I got in line and look what I got you.

Look at him, he's shaking open it. Christmas is saved! There you go. Look at the Christmas cheer just swelling up in his heart. Now I'm fucking happy. You look good with that tie on, too. Thanks, man. Okay, boys, do you want to get right into presents?

Yeah! Let's fucking do this, boys! I got a little something for Julian, too. What's that? You should enough, man. That's a big fucking present. What the fuck is this? I chipped in on it't have, man. That's a big fucking present. What the fuck is that? I chipped in on it too, Julian.

You've been wanting one of these for a long time. What the fuck is it? Open her up! Oh, man, what's got a butt set? Open her up. What the fuck is that? Jesus Christ, boys. What the fuck is it?

It's an international... clock bottle. Yes! Of course. You know what that is? You're not gonna tell what time it is in different places around the world. I don't know why I'd need to know what time it is in London, Hong Kong, and New York, but... Well, we were just thinking, you were talking about how you wanted to get into the stock markets

around the world, so you set one to New York, one to Tokyo. Okay. You know, so you know what time the market's open. But it's, you know, it's your... It's beautiful. The guy said it's old as the pyramids. It's as old as... No, man, this technology, that's not... It's going to look great on your wall.

That's not pyramid technology. That's advanced technology. It wasn't fucking cheap either. It's not like a Swiss fucking watch. It's going to look amazing on your wall. I fucking love it. Apparently, that's advanced technology. It wasn't fucking cheap either. It's not like a Swiss fucking watch. It's going to look amazing on your wall. I fucking love it. Apparently that's real gold. That's not gold, man.

It's not real gold, Ricky. It would be worth about seven. It's heavier. It's heavy. That'd be worth about eight million bucks if it was real gold. More gold plated. Fuck. Yeah.

I thought that was really. Well, thanks, guys. You're very welcome. I really appreciate it. And there was only one. Thank God he looked at his thing. Only one of them at Win welcome. I really appreciate it. And there was only one. Thank god he looked at his thing. Only one of them at Winners. I'll find a place for it in my trailer.

It needs to go right in your bedroom when you wake up. You need to know what time it is. I don't know if I want it. We can't really put our time on it, but it's alright. Yeah, maybe I can put like glue a clock up here. You know, I'll think about it. What the fuck is that? What the fuck is that? What the fuck is that?

Fuck. Well. I guess that gives away one of her gifts. It's a present, but no, it doesn't give it away, cause you don't even know what's in there. Oh yeah, and, and, cause I knew you'd be a fucking grumpy bastard. I got your favorite fucking.

Give me these fucking things. Bellet log, festive logs. Yo did yourself man. Exactly the like, exactly the shape and size that you like to jam in your mouth. No, you didn't have to say that. Three inches with some girth. What?

That's a bag of chips right there, my friend. That is a bag of chips. Let's go, Let's go. Oh, yeah, these are fucking fresh. Mmm. Okay, Ricky, this is... Do you want one? Pack open that big, dirty fucking bag of chips. Jesus Christ.

Look at that. Bowl's full. You can't even tell. Still that much left. Yeah. This is the greatest chip value in the world. Christmas chips. I got six more bags of those. Six more bags, boys. This is the best fucking Christmas ever. Like seriously.

I'm gonna need some dip. These would be good chip dippers. Fuck, I forgot the dip. OK, so I know you didn't want Randy here on Christmas Eve, but he did get you a present anyway. Fucking Jesus, better be good. Take this present and fuck him. It better not be an exploding shit present.

No, I think I know what it is, and it's not an exploding shit present. Big massive dildo. No. It plugs in. I don't know. What the fuck is it? What is it?

I think you're wrong. Let's take guesses. It's an answering machine? It's the wrong way, Ricky. Flip it over. Oh, yeah. Look at that. What the fuck is it? What is it? I think it's the wrong way. Let's take guesses. It's an answering machine? It's the wrong way, Ricky. Flip it over. Oh yeah, look at that. What the fuck is that?

It's a clair... A clair... A clair... A clair... A clair... A clair... A clair... A clair...

A clair... A clair... A clair... A clair... A clair... A clair... A clair... A clair... A clair... A clair... A clair... Aquarium. Aquarium. All right, plug that motherfucker in, man. Plug her in, Ricky. And we gotta get some water in it.

It's been a really good fucking year to give an adult male, but you know. Did you fill her up with water or something? Yeah, I think so. I think you jammed water in it, but I could be wrong. What the fuck was that? Oh my god, that tastes so good, boys. I knew that was... Oh, yeah, Ricky.

That drink, you know what that is? That tastes like a drink when you just get out of prison. How come the fucking fish aren't moving Of course, Randy gave it to me broken supposed to you know, what an idiot Maybe it needs water. I don't know we need to fucking throw that in the trailer smash Oh, oh I had it Oh, I had it. All right.

So close. What an asshole, man. Who gives somebody a broken present? That's a fucking prick play. What a dick. Well, just relax now, boys. No, it's a prick play, man. We got some other things here. Oh, this is two bubbles from Randy.

Great. Well, you got the broken. Oh, let's see what Randy got me. Break a book. A broken book. Oh, decent. What is it? I wanted that.

What is it? Betty White's book. Are you kidding me, man? What the fuck do you want? Why? Here we go again. I'm interested in Betty White's life. Here we go again.

What is it about? It's Betty White. Is there any naked pictures of. What is it about? It's, uh, it's Betty White. Is there any, like, naked pictures of her from back in the 60s or something? No, it's just sort of a life,

her life, a memoir of Betty White's first five decades on television. It's kind of like I'm going to watch Golden Girls Marathon and read this

at the same time. That was very thoughtful of Randy. Go for it, man. Nice fucking gift. He knows I like Betty White. Randy's fucked. Yeah, I know you've probably fantasized about her. Oh, fuck!

Uh-oh. To Julian. She ripped in half on me. From Ricky? I didn't wrap this one very good. This is from me and Ricky. I hope you like them. I hope you like this one,

because this is your big gift. Yeah. I have no idea what this is. Yeah. I still have no idea what it is. No, just keep opening. Keep opening. One of your favorite things in life.

Oh, yeah. That's right. Betty Crocker popcorn fucking movie night maker. You can have it right next to your bed, a little popcorn cart. All right, is this, boy, is this, did you get this at the flea market? It's been used.

It's been used, it's like dried up butter. It's movie theater quality. There's like moldy butter in here, Matt. It was the display model. We had to try it. I don't think it got used. Can you clean this, Is this dishwasher safe? You might have get it at the staff party at Best Buy.

Oh yeah, no, that's dishwasher safe for sure. Okay. All right. Like, look at that on your nightstand. Yeah. Okay. With your big gold clock behind you. I don't know if I'd put this on my nightstand, Bob.

It's just like, why? Well, if you're watching movies and you don't want to get out of bed, you just click it on, fresh popcorn. Yeah, but I don't even watch movies, really. But, you know, it's a nice gift. Thought to count so, but... Okay, what's this here now? Might end up dating a chick that likes movies and popcorn, I guess.

I'll be there. Thanks, guys. Who's this to? I can't remember what I did here. Oh, this was just a blanket, I think. I thought we had some, but I guess I don't see... Who's this to? I can't remember what I did here. Oh, this was just a blanket, I think. I thought we had some, but I guess I don't see. What was that for? For it.

It probably doesn't work anymore. It's kind of a... Oh, this is a sweater I got somebody, but I don't remember. Maybe I got that for me. It looks like it would be good on you. Yeah, I think that's- That looks nicer on you, man.

That's a kiddie sweater I got for myself. Fucking sucked, though, eh? Holiday market sweater. Or not a sweater. Okay. Let's see who... Oh, this is to me from you, Ricky. Thank you. You're gonna love it.

Ah, this is the one. Everything was under my tree, but it's better to just open it. This was on your list, so I kind of cheated. Oh! Decent! Now, I know you said a new cell phone, but I couldn't afford a cell phone. No, this is great, because I can see the numbers.

Well, that's what I was thinking. Bob, do you even have a landline? Yes, I have a landline. All right. I have a landline. That right. I have a landline. That's great, Ricky. You can't put the apps and stuff on it like a phone, but it's still, it's a good one.

Look at that. Look. Five, five, five, six, nine, two, one. Everything I need in a phone. Right on. Good gift, man. Man, oh, I closed it on my beard. I'd say that's gift of the year so far.

Well, I don't know. This is gift of the year right here. Can't beat that. Everything else is gravy right now as far as I'm concerned. That's to you from Julian. Oh, thanks, Julian. I don't know if you're gonna like it or not, though, but... I helped him pick it out. Well, he actually bought it and picked it out for me, but... I helped him pick it out. Well, he actually bought it and picked it out for me, but... No, you... I owe you. You had a say. What do you think, man?

This is for me? A couple of books. Betty Crocker's Microwave Cookbook. Mm-hmm. And Panasonic Microwave, the Genius Cookbook. That one obviously came with my microwave, but I don't need it because I don't cook. I didn't know you could do a prime rib in the microwave. Yeah, man.

You can cook anything in the fucking microwave. If you know how to do it, by Panasonic's rules. Cook a good shake in the microwave, too. I haven't been using that thing to its full ability. Clearly. No, you have not. You just think it's all codes, right? Do not use tinfoil.

What's the code, Ricky? What's the code you put in for a biscuit? Code 1-2, wasn't it? Yep. Doesn't know it's time. I know. It'll help you out. Plus, you won't burn your fucking trailer now.

Like you almost have many times. Bones conduct heat and cause the meat next to it to be heated more quickly. Oh! This is from Marguerite. You can make fucking bread in the microwave? This is from Marguerite. She gave it to me before. Yeah.

Okay, I had no idea. You could cook a fucking chicken in the microwave. Marguerite gave you like, mine cigar. I miss Marguerite. I had no idea how fucking... Look, Ricky, for Marguerite. I'm going to keep this forever, guys. What is it? I don't fucking know. I'm gonna keep this forever, guys. What is it?

I don't fucking know. I like it, though. Looks like something you'd hang off your tits. Oh, yeah, it's like a... It's like a... Like one of those... She obviously made it. Dream thingies? Dream catchers?

It is a dream catcher, but it's knitted. All right, thank you, Marguerite. If you're up there, thank you. It's gorgeous. I will put this on... You wear it. I'll put it in my bathroom, I guess. I don't fucking know.

You should wear it as a pair of like... You don't wear something like that, boys. Well, if you put it under your undercarriage and tied it up, it would be like a yarn thong. No, it's too small. No, I mean like underwear. Oh, yeah. I'm not going to put that on as fucking underwear.

That's not what she made it for. But you can tell, look, there's the shells. Yeah, you can put it in the tub. I dropped her off at the beach one time. That's where she collected these shells, eh? Yeah. That was very thoughtful. Go love her.

That's another one for Julian. I'm going to put that somewhere special. See if I can find a record. All right. Thank you. This is a simple beginner's menu. It's got fucking, it's a five-course meal. This one's from me, Ricky. Hurry. Thank you. This is a simple beginner's menu. It's got fucking... It's a five-course meal.

This one's from me, Ricky. Thanks, man. It's a good one, too, and you're gonna love it. Nice wrapping job, bud. It's so nice, I don't even want to ruin it. Oh, I can wrap. Isn't that funny how we get older, we notice things like, that nice wrapping job. I wrapped it. We never would have said that how we get older, we notice things like that?

Nice wrapping job. I wrapped it. You never would have said that when we were kids, eh? I wrapped it very well. Really nice job, man. Check that out. Holy fuck. What the fuck is that?

It's a paper machete T-Rex kit. Machete. Paper machete. Paper machete. Machete's the fucking... What? What's the other one? This is just, it's paper mache.

It's like made out of newspaper? Paper mache, they call it. No? You'll get it. You'll get it, Ricky. It's easy. You just add, basically you just pull paper through glue and water and it turns hard.

It's really... Kind of like your cock. Oh, you could probably make a cock, like a dinosaur cock, instead of... Don't have to go... You don't have to make that. Make something funny. Okay, just add imagination.

That's what I'm saying. Plenty of that. Plenty of that. It looks like it's curved out of wood, though. This is from me. Bob's. To you. Bob's, you've already given me enough.

The lecker was just an add-on, I knew, I found out the liquor store was closed and I bought you this months ago because it was on sale. Oh yeah. That's cool. Oh yeah. Is it a, what is it, a belt? What do you do with this? It's just, I mean, look at the craftsmanship.

It's here, wouldn't it? No. No, but look at, think how that was made. How the fuck was this made? That's right. That was carved from one piece of wood. I carved it. You didn't carve this fucking thing.

No, I didn't, but I know who did. All right, I don't know. Maybe you could hook that off. The fucking car will get stuck. No, it's just for decoration. It's just a... Oh, yeah. Okay, fucking kernel gets stuck. It's just for decoration. It's just a- Oh yeah, I get it now. It's a conversation piece.

Well, I guess- People will be like, holy fuck, I just realized somebody carved, that used to be a solid piece of wood. All right, you know, if I end up going on a date soon, I'll say to her, hey, look at this. Can I give this to her? Say, look what I did, here, I did this myself.

You could. That's bragging shit man, right there. You could I suppose. Holy fuck it comes with three paits! Well of course it does Ricky, it's a fucking kit. Yeah but sometimes they chintz. How come it's a fucking dinosaur? I'm more impressed with that. I thought you had to make the dinosaur. No thank fuck you don't. He's got no hands. Who's this from? Oh, this is to me from Marguerite.

You have to make the shit out of that. Oh, okay. This to me is from Marguerite. Oh, like the zip ties. See, this is making me miss Marguerite even more. I know. That's what it's all about, man. Look, she's zip tied.

It's shot, too. Remember she got great crazy with the zip-ties there for a few months? I thought you were going to fucking come in and sneak a peek. Oh, it's going to spring open. Nope. Oh, look at those. Oh, man, look at those. What is it? What the fuck is it?

It's for when you're sitting watching TV, I guess, and it warms up your feet. Oh, decent. Do they break as they come apart? No. Oh, decent. Do they break? Do they come apart? No. Oh, wait a second. There's some buttons here. Oh, my God. They're fucking heated.

Heated fucking slippers. She was always worried about my feet. Yeah, Body Innovations by Helen of Troy. All right, just make sure. That's a very expensive company. Just make sure when you're fucking wasted. You got to take a piss. You got those on.

Take your feet out of it first. Oh, yeah. The problem also is it takes a power cord, and I don't think they came with the cord. You can play a power cord. Unless they're down in there. I've got multiple cords. We got something to fit that, buddy.

No problem. You could probably just cut the cord off the TV with a grinder. I could do something. That's just one of those round ones you could plug in. We got one of those. That's from Marguerite. Oh, this is nice, man. She's always worrying about my feet,

because they always look blue to her. Oh, you know what? She got these at the flea market, bud. Whoa. Smell them. Oh, really? Those are smashed. Oh yeah, there's somebody else's stank in there.

Oh man, there's some good fucking rum sauce sauce, hot fudge sauce, caramel sauce, lemon sauce, orange liqueur sauce. Oh man, you're set. We're having a sauce party, a liquor sauce party. This is to me from you, Ricky. I don't remember what that is. Because you didn't buy a phone. Oh yes, I did. Oh, I do remember now. You're going to love this.

Yes! Yes! He's singing Beaver. It's a teddy isn't it? I love him. That's nice. He's my favorite. I thought your cats might like him too. I love him.

Yes, he just sings when he wants to. Does he have a waver? Like a, maybe you pinch his little, oh. I'm gonna wear them on my shoulder. That could get real annoying real quick, man. Tootown! Woo! Oh, this is coming! Tootown! Woo!

That's nice. That's great, man. Decent Ricky Pax. You're very welcome. You know I love those singing toys, boys. Yep. Look at all the, we still got a ton in here. Holy fuck, you can cook like a full on turkey in the goddamn microwave.

Oh, this is from Bothius to me. Merry Christmas, buddy. Yes, I can't. I'm not sure you're gonna like this or not, but. No, I will. I love all my gifts. Oh my God! A fucking Merlin? Yeah.

Where did you get me a Merlin? No, Bob's. Keep the box. Don't fuck up the box. That's worth a lot of money now. It's a collector's item. A real Merlin. With a cord. Holy fuck, boys.

You know how hard it was to find that? That's a real Merlin. A lot of people watching probably don't even know what Merlin is. Should we plug it in? It was one of the first video games. Yeah, it's a collector's item, buddy. Hold on to that. You know how many of these are thrown away and don't?

Like, look, it's got the instructions. Keep that. This is a fucking, this is probably worth, this is worth thousands of dollars. Well, you know what? I was hoping that we'd go to Las Vegas one day, we'd go to the pawn shop, you know, those that show, and we could sell this baby to those guys for,

make a fucking huge profit. And I'd get a cut of it if we did that. Merlin. Right? New game. Holy fuck, I remember playing this. I kind of remember playing it, but I don't have a clue how you play it, really.

Did you test it? Because it doesn't seem to work. Yeah, I did. It was smarter than I was. It doesn't turn on, boys. Well, you could... Well, yeah, don't fuck with it. You don't want to break it. Wait now.

There we go, see? There we go. New game. Oh, so it flashes? Boop. Boop. Yeah. Hit me.

Hit me. Boop. Boop, boop. Merlin. Oh, now it's flashing down there. See that? Yeah, it wasn't... Boop.

Boop. Boop. Boop. Boop. Boop. Boop. Boop. Boop. Boop. Boop boop. Merlin. Oh now it's flashing down there. See that? Boop. Decent. Is it kind of like that Simon game? Is that what it's like? Well yeah it's a game of its Merlin. It's one of the smartest computers ever. I know nothing about it. I looked it up. All I know is that it's a collector's, it's fucking worth a lot of money. New game.

Don't fuck up the box. Some of the buttons don't seem to work, but. These, we got some good gifts happening here. Decent, I'm gonna set that right there because I don't want it to get broken. Better not cry, better not pout, I'm telling you what. Santa Claus is coming. All right, Dave, we got to take the batteries out of that fucking thing.

This is another one from Marguerite. She got me two gifts? Yes. Look at the fucking wrapping paper. I know, it used to be. It was a pair of her curtains at one point. These gifts are good, but they're not as good as some gifts. Like, this King Manuel of Portugal one time, he gave the Pope, Pope Leo X, a white elephant. Fuck.

A white elephant? A real fucking white elephant. That's a gift. Who wants to get a fucking elephant for Christmas? Think about it. France gave someone a Statue of Liberty. Yeah, but at least it's there. Speaking of big gifts,

it doesn't take a shit. That's to you for me and Julian. The President Truman got a fucking bowling alley for Christmas at the White House. That's a gift. I bet you it's still there, man. Holy fuck. Oh, man.

Oh, yeah. I can't wait. What is it? You guys went above and beyond. Where did Marguerite get you? I love her. I know she was doing a lot of knitting. Oh.

No, this one's from me and Julian. Got some slippers that are... Holy fuck, it's a Kawasaki, too. What is it, Ricky? Boys, look at the slippers. You know what? The only way to describe these things is groovy. I'm never gonna wear them, but they're nice. You'll wear them.

I don't know if that's a... it does... no. That's not gonna fit my big head. Me and Moe are gonna get fucking baked and play the fuck out of this. What do you think Ricky? I love it. Hold it up show everybody It's like a two four. It's an eight drum drummer You hear people saying oh what works got a set of electronic drums well

Do the platinum blonde thing man There's your hi-hat. All right, let's get some reggae going. Loves, you need... You know what? Here, I'm going to give these to you because these were from Marguerite and me. I'm never going to wear them. I'll wear them.

You can slip right under the heat at once, throw those babies on, take a piss. And this hat, you can take that, too. I'll wear it all. I'll just look at it, know those babies on, take a piss. Oh, I'll wear those. And this hat, you can take that too. I'll wear it all. I'll just look at it, knowing she made it for me. It's on your head, I'll be able to see it. The bottom got ripped off this, so I can't remember who it was for.

Oh, I think I got you this, Julian. You can drink out of it. What? You pour your liquor in there and drink out of his head. What's that for me? Yeah. I got you that. I'm going to get so fucking baked all Christmas and play the drums.

Love it. Thank you, boys. You're welcome. Bubs. What? I'm never going to drink out of this fucking thing. Why not? Well, let's think about it.

I'm... No, man. I look like a dick. Ricky. You don't look like a dick. You look a dick. I'm gonna give you this Merry Christmas That's for you No, I mean no Ricky this is to you from Marguerite pups. Why Merry Christmas back?

No, it's for you. Yeah, but I'm not gonna drink of a fucking. Yeah, but I'm... It's a leprechaun. I'm not going to drink out of a fucking some dude, man. You might. No, not a... Some night we're really banged up, you might pull that out of the cupboard. See, now I'm going to cry. Who's that from?

Marguerite. Look at the time this one took. Oh, man, look, she was right into the fucking crafts, huh? That is a wicked glass. What is that? It's a glass. Wow. I don't know how you... Well, yeah, you couldn't really drink out of it.

I was there the day she was making that. Yeah, there'd be no way to drink out of this, but it's neat. Why can't you drink out of it? I could put pens and crayons in it. Well because it's watercolors. So as soon as you put them back in. And we've got what might be a shirt. Oh, that's nice. What the fuck is it? It might be a shirt. Oh, that's nice.

What the fuck is it? It's not a shirt. I think that might be... It's a tablecloth. It's either a cape or a tablecloth. It's a tablecloth. It's a tablecloth. That's nice.

It's fucking good. It's got cigarettes and money. Oh, yeah. That's really cool, man. Martinis. You can put that on your coffee table if you want it. She always knew. She knew, man.

She's good. She knew, man. She's good. Yeah. Fucking knew. This one I'm very excited about, Ricky. I think you're gonna love it. That one's for me. All right. And I got it at Value Village.

Well, I'm excited. I am excited. Oh, I like the shape of it already. It's the one thing I was walking through Value Village and I looked at it and I was like, Ricky. Ricky needs it. It's definitely, can't, Racky. Racky needs it. It's definitely, can't wait to see this. It's got four legs.

I think it's a, what do they call it? Triceratop? No. Triceratop. A dinosaur? No, that's not what it is though. Bull. Crocodile.

No, just open it. It's not an easy opening. Oh, there you go. You open it. It's not an easy opening. There you go, you got it. You were fucking right! It's well almost a stegosaurus. Stegosaurus. Nice going. But it's a coin bank.

It's a piggy bank, nice coin. Guess who's gonna be getting that as a re-gift? Mo. Directamundo. Oh yeah, here, the other part of that. Trinity fucking freaked out because I bought most brass knuckles. What the fuck? Here, this gift got ripped in half.

We were missing this half. Oh, so now you can... yeah, now it's much cooler. Oh, now that's... Bob's. That's a game changer. There's a bit of a rattle to it, man. Yeah, but you don't leave it on when you're drinking. You take it off, and then when you put it on the shelf, he wears his hat.

You know what I don't like about it, Bub? When you grab it to take a drink, look at my thumb's at. You're on his cock. I'm on his pecker. Well, you could turn him sideways. No, you can't. Now you're fingering his ass. I think your thumb was just magically drawn to that area.

This is from you to me, Ricky. Sure is. Do you remember this? That one I bought actually last January. I knew you would love it. You may not like it anymore, but at the time I thought you would. All right, you know what, Buffs? I'm going to give her a try, bud.

Where'd you get that, Ricky? Did you make that? That's a creepy-looking fucking craft, man. Did you make it? I wish I could take credit for it. We were at a craft fair, and Mo saw that and thought that you would like it. Buffs! I do like it. Did you wash this fucking thing?

Oh, no, I didn't. You bought it at the flea market obviously, right? I bought it, yes. No, I bought it at Valley Village. Was there fleas in it? No, there's dried up little fucking bugs and shit in there. That's really nice. Bob, you ruined my fucking drink. That's a one-off too. Oh, well obviously, Rick. That's not, they don't make those by...

What the fuck is it supposed to be though? It's just a... What is that? That's what it's good about. It's like a conversation. Oh, it's a mermaid. Is it? It's a fucking mermaid. Yes, I think. Not a very hot-looking one, but... A mermaid that's been fucking...

That hit the back of a boat. Hit the propeller. That's what it looks like. And that's just a you from me. I didn't really notice how terrible it is very much, man. Well, you got me some stuff. It's really not well done, is it? Are you joking?

What? Is this a joke? What? I don't think I need help, bud. How to win friends and influence people. I mean, influence people, maybe, but I don't need to really win friends. I thought it sounded like something you might... What the fuck does this guy know

about influence people and making friends? Would you be friends with that guy? He knows a lot. He looks like a knob. I may not have any friends, but he knows the logic behind friends. A few of the many ways in which this book... You can cook a fucking lobster in the microwave?

Fuck off. You can, Ricky. This, man, this thing is genius. How is it so cool? It's everybody knows you can cook a lobster. How long has my nog been sitting there? How do we not know? You should have.

Has my nog been sitting there the whole time? Or did you just put that there? Ricky, you cook hot dogs in there. You think you could cook a fucking turkey? There's a bit of a difference between a hot dog and a fucking lobster. Why? Why? What's the difference? One's shelled, one's not. Yeah, that's true, but I mean, it still cooks it.

Well... I would have thought it would burnt the shell and would just taste like a burnt piece of shit. No, Ricky, you gotta know how to work a microwave. Oh, see, this is what they do. They trick it with, they don't put the full power. No, you've got, there's different powers, right? I had no idea.

And there's a pulsating mode. Lobster tails, scallops, oh my God, this is... My life has changed forever. You can cook everything in there, Ricky. You just need to know the power combos and the techniques. I can get you some lobsters if you wanna cook up some lobsters. I'm not eating it, but I'll eat some for Christmas. Okay, so heat covered with wax paper, medium,

eight and a half to nine and a half minutes. Yeah. Wow. Beautiful. We're having a lobster feast. All right, is that it? Stuffed clams. Yeah. Wow. Beautiful. We're having a lobster feast. Ugh. All right, is that it? Stuffed clams. Your mother must have wrote that recipe.

Did she say my mother? Yeah. Your mother. Hers is always stuffed. Well, you know what, bubs? I guess we should... You know what? It's Christmas Eve, boys.

We gotta get the fuck out here. This is nice. Get some shit happening. Where are we going? I don't know. I'm gonna just enjoy my nog. I'm not going anywhere, man. I'm staying in here tonight. I'm gonna drink one of these babies.

There's fucking hair in my nog. Maybe get into the second little baby. I'm gonna try to... Do you got one of those filter... Any, like, coffee maker filters? Yeah. I'll need some of those to filter this baby out. We could clean him out with the hose.

I know, but... You just put the hose in his head. I know, just talking about the liquor I've got in there, I might be able to filter it out with some coffee filters or something. Oh, you don't need to filter the liquor out of it. How much did you pour in? The whole fucking drink. I'm not wasting a drink. Yeah, we could filter it. Or just save it till later and drink it when you're drunk. That's something you would do. I'm not gonna do that.

Well, we should say Merry Christmas to everybody. We're gonna say Merry Christmas? Yeah, let's say Merry Christmas. We'll finish with the exploding snowman. Okay. What is it? That went a little too fast. I thought we were going to have a bit of time to talk about Christmas.

Anyway, let's say Merry Christmas to everybody. Merry Christmas everybody. Merry Christmas. There's a little drink there. Have a great holiday. We'll see you in a week. New Year's Eve. It's just a fucking party.

We're going to party right up until New Year's Eve, so we'll see everybody then again and we'll get fucking wasted with you. Well, let's just see how the next few days goes. Stay safe. Or don't. And, uh, Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas!

Ho, ho, ho, ho! Yay! This is fucking nice, eh? It's growing on me.