Trailer Park Boys Presents: Park After Dark - Episode 31 - Snowballs Deep

Episode Date: December 25, 2022

Happy Holidays, f**kers! Ricky's splashed out on some awesome gifts (and some f**king awful cologne) but they're not for Bubbs and Julian. And is Bubbles' heartfelt gift about to backfire big time? Also: Cocaine on a plane, Trailer Park PIs, and greasy caroling! 

. Ricky! What? Check out my high score, bud. Hold on a minute, I'm getting ready. 999,999. I reached the fucking limit here. Fuck, this smells good. What's that fucking cat piss smell I smell.

Hey, boys. What's up, bubs? Jesus Christ, what's it smell like in here? It smells like your fucking cats in heat. That's what it smells like. No, it doesn't. Yes, it does. No, you know what it is?

What? It's deer pheromones that you spray on when you're hunting. No, no, no. It's when your fucking lady cats are all horny. It's not. I know cat piss. This is deer piss. Well, it's not this.

It's the shit they fucking excrete when they're horny. Why does it smell like deer piss in here, though? I don't fucking know. It smells like you were boiling chainsaw oil or something. Here we go. Oh decent. Are your cats in heat this time of the year or what? What's that? Does that happen? Snowballs deep. What? Snowballs deep and he's got a carrot wiener. I don't know if it means anything. It's just a Christmas sweater. No, Ricky, balls deep. It's like a term. He's snowballs deep. Why do you think they got a big carrot sticking off him?

Because a snowman has a carrot. Not for a cock. It should be up here for his nose. This is his nose and this is his mustache. No, Ricky, you don't even get the joke. What joke? Snowballs deep. And that's his cock. Carrot cock. Have you been walking around tugging on that?

Fuck yeah. Ricky, what is that? Holy fuck, let me see it. There it is. Dark night fire. Let me see it. Fucking smell that, baby. Suffering Jesus.

Guaranteed to make your partner moist and or heard. What is? This is what we're smelling. He's got... What the fuck is it? Dark night fire and night spell with a K. Fuck yeah. Ingredients unknown.

Jesus Christ, you're not putting this on here, are you? It's guaranteed to make your partner moist and or hard. Yes. All right, so you wanna make your partner hard, do you? Ricky. I don't necessarily. It smells like cat piss. Ooh, the twilight 100 milliliter,

made in the Philippines or China. They don't even know where she's made, boys. Some high-end stuff. Well, it's not that high-end, actually. Holy fuck, you could fucking... We could use that when we're stripping paint off stuff, maybe. You know what? This year, I said, fuck it. Not buying into Christmas. Fuck that.

I went to the mall and people were spending all this money and getting all pissy at each other. I'm like, fuck that. Not this year. Not this guy. Right on. I'm with you, buddy. Not this year, not this guy. Right on, I'm with you, buddy. So I got some stuff I needed. Looks like you spent a few bucks. I spent all my money,

but not on other people this year. Just fuck that. I hear you, man. I'll let the stores win. 100%. The old man always said, treat yourself as you'd want others to treat on you. But you spent all your money on you.

Well, I needed some stuff. Got a new Christmas sweater, which is pretty good. Well, then the stores did win, then. Got some new pants. How much did you pay for that fancy fucking sweater? A lot. Well, see? But it's a Christmas sweater.

Got a new fucking bong. Look at that, baby. Dragon. Well, that's, I'm happy that you got yourself all kinds of Christmas stuff. So what you're trying to tell us is that you didn't get us jacked shit. You even bought some weed.

You guys could share a little bit of mac and cheese. Yum. Mac and cheese weed. Yep. I brought my Christmas legs. Got a new Christmas sex hat. A what? What is it?

Christmas sex hat, that's what they called it, I don't know. A sex hat? Yeah. It just says you're naughty. You're not nice. Oh, okay. I don't think it's a sex hat.

Where should I put my Christmas legs? Boys, I got an extra set this year. We got two sets. Rub them right around your neck, buddy, and start bowing. I'm not doing that. Look at this new mug I got, too. You think it's a mug? It's also a little bong.

Well, aren't you guys all fucking prepared for Christmas? Check out this new mug I got, too. You think it's a mug? It's also a little bong. Well, aren't you guys all fucking prepared for Christmas? You get the legs, you get the mug, you get this fucking bong shirt. Now, let's get a set of legs. You guys are just great, man. Hey, look at that. Look at that, boys. Oh, fuck, you slammed them in the drawer.

No, that's how it's supposed to be, Ricky. Christmas elf. All right, you know what? Dead in the drawer. You know what? We should put the other one in your trunk of the shitmobile. Hang it out. Well, that's where they're supposed to go, but I just like them, you know. All right, freeze the fridge.

Oh yeah, Luck froze the cocksucker to death. Lucky went in there for some fucking Luck looking for some ice for his liquor. Dead. Somebody slammed the door on him. Yep. Well, no life in him. No, that's just, I like doing that. I think it's cute.

Yeah. So it's not a normal Christmas, but I thought you guys would respect it, you know. But I'm not buying into it this year. But you did buy into it, Ricky. That's what I don't think you're understanding. No. You spent all your money on Christmas bullshit at the store.

You bought in. It's even worse. Because you fucking just bought everything for yourself. Yeah, but I'm not fighting over gifts for people. See? But you spent all your money. Consumer. When was the last time I had something that would attract? fighting over gifts for people. See, but you spent all your money, consumer. When was the last time I had something

that would attract different things like that? You're gonna attract a moose that's gonna wanna fuck you because you smell like moose matings. That's, I would, I'm not joking with you. It smells, man. If you're near the woods, I would be careful because you could get fucked by something big. You know what, we'll see. I'm just gonna walk down near the woods, I would be careful. Because you could get fucked by something big.

You know what? We'll see. I'm just going to walk down by the Legion. Just walk past and see if the head's starting to fucking turn around. Yeah, and a big bear will grab you by the side of the road and fuck you. Watch out for grizzly cocksuckers. They love that stuff. Maybe you'd be on to something, then.

Attracting the bears. You want to attract the bears. Well, I might be on to something, then. Attracting the bears. You want to attract the bears? Well, I might be able to. Don't say that too loud around Randy. All right. Is Randy a bear? It's too bad he wasn't here. I bet you if Randy was here and he went up next to you and smelled you, instantly get hurt.

I know you normally order Chinese food for Christmas, but I already ate at the mall. But I did, yeah, no, this is for you guys. This is your Christmas gift. I brought you some Chinese food. Oh, excellent. Here you go, guys. You hungry? I'm starving.

I'd love some Chinese. When did you buy this? Some egg rolls. Let me see. Ricky, they're freezing cold, man. Well, it's, you know, I was at the mall for a while, so I... Here, keep these up in your microwave. I'll have one of those.

I don't know. I haven't been using the microwave much since the incident. Ricky, did you buy this for us, or did you buy it because this chicken ball's got a bite out of it? It doesn't. Take it back. Some of it might be sort of like a leftover-ish, but it's for you

guys. Okay, but did you bite it? I just want to make sure it wasn't like a homeless person. No, I did have a bite on the way home. Okay, well, I don't care. I'll eat it. Have you got any, like, plates or napkins or plastic forks or anything? I got plates. Don't...

I might have napkins and paper towel and plastic forks. I used the last one to make my Christmas star. Bob's, I don't know, man. Like, it's... Check it out. Looks like he's always looking at you. It's pretty... It's fucking...

It's just gross, man. Be careful, Bob. It doesn't matter which way you're standing, he's looking at you. It's pretty. It's fucking, it's just gross, man. Be careful, Bubbs. No matter which way you stand, he's looking at you. You made that? Yeah. That's decent. I might start sewing the fucking things. Everyone comes in like, wow, that's really something.

You know what? I think that's pretty darn nice, Ricky. Look, you got the little arms and the legs with the toes. And that's just a piece of paper towel. Yeah, you don't need fancy stuff. You don't need to spend a lot of money on it, Chris. Just a little hair and everything. I think that's adorable.

Would you make me one of those, Ricky? Yeah, if you could lend me some paper towel and forks and knives. I just want to look how you did it. It's really actually really good. With the red buzz on, you'd be surprised what you can make. It's not bad at all. It's got a weird face, but-

What is it though? It's, I kind of tried to make it look like a sex face. Like a sex doll? A sex face, this is a sex doll. it look like a sex face. Like a sex doll? A sex face, this is a sex doll. It looks like a sex doll. It's got a bit of a fuck mouth on it, but it's all right. You can put that right down there on your wiener there, bubs.

Ah, fuck! Hang it right on there. You fucking drilled the fork right into me. It's dangerous. He forked ya. It's dangerous. Ah, fork off, bubs. Get it? Dangerous. I like it though, Ricky. I'm gonna. Ah, fork off, Bubz. Get it?

Dangerous. I like it though, Ricky. I'm gonna, here, I'll put it back. It's probably the only one around. If you could get me, make me one of those, I... I will definitely make you one, Bubz. That'll be your Christmas gift. I'd love to have it.

All right, are we all done with the Christmas shit? Are we finished? No, I got gifts for you guys. I thought we weren't... Well, I don't have gifts, because I didn't have... I thought you had no money, so that's why I didn't buy you guys. I thought we weren't... Well, I don't have gifts because I didn't have... I thought you had no money, so that's why I didn't buy you guys anything.

All right, still, Ricky, I'm obviously going to give you something for Christmas whether I have money or not. I'm not the fucking Scrooge. The fucking arse is going to come right out of these, Ricky.

They're soggy as fucking ice cold. I don't think I can eat that. Take it home with you. Put it in your stocking. I'm not putting that dirty old fucking thing in my stocking. All right, let's go with the gifts, boss. Smells pretty good. See what you got us. Okay, I don't remember whose is who here.

It doesn't really matter. But I didn't have, like I said, I didn't have money, so this is a very from-the-heart type of gift that you give when you don't have a lot of money. Okay? Okay. Yep, there you go, boys. From the hurt.

From me to you. Is it a ring? What do you want me to do with these fucking things? Those are just, put them on your tree or whatever. I don't have a fucking tree, Buzz. What's that? Put them on my tree. That's just, that's not the gift. That's just to make it look

Christmassy. All right. Okay, so Christmas coupon. Friend. I got the same thing. What does that mean? You got the exact same gift. What is it? With this coupon... Yeah? I bequeatheth

to you... All right. A full uninterrupted day of my services. Anytime you need a friend, like if you need a spotter at the gym or when you're doing muscle machine stuff, call me up. I'll come spot you with no questions asked. What's the difference? Isn't that just like a normal day? Okay, all right. No questions asked. You will do anything for one day. Well, yes. You better put a few stipulations. He might ask you some weird stuff. No, no, no, no, no, no. There's nothing on there.

Okay. So what are you thinking, you twisted fuck? Well, just wait now. It's not going to be anything fucking sexual. I know where your fucking mind's going. But there could be some good money-making adventures happening. That sounds sexual.

Oh, well, I... No, no, no. You said there's no holds barred. I didn't say that. Yes, you did. I said friend stuff. Friend stuff doesn't mean

hair bubbles take a handgun and come with me to the bank. Why doesn't it? Well, because that isn't what friends do. Why not? Where is it? It's not listed on the bank.

That's what friends are for. I'm not robbing a fucking bank or anything crazy. Okay, I promise we won't rob a bank, but we are going to make some money. That means you're robbing something. For fuck's sakes, I shut up. Next nice day, you know, if the weather's good. Give it back to me. I'm going to add some fine print.

I think you could take it a step further. I don't even have to go. Holy fuck, I never even thought of that. You just go do it. You and I are gonna brainstorm tonight. We're gonna have a list of shit to do. You gotta get it all done. Aw, boys.

Thanks, buddy. Thanks, man. Thanks, friend. Fuck, I was worried about cash. Me too. I'm supposed to be from the heart. Now I'm gonna be a fucking... It is, it's very generous.

Holding up the liquor store. I would go to jail for'm going to be a fucking... It's very generous. Holding up the liquor store. I would go to jail for you anytime, man. It was very, very generous. It's one of the best gifts ever. That's right. This is fucking horrible Christmas. Now we're not going to be broke anymore. Fuck, man.

It's great. Well, we should wait until the new year. When people are all crazy. It was for 2025. Was when that becomes valid. Where does it say that? It was for 2025. Was when that becomes valid. Where does it say that? It was on there. You must have smudged it off.

It was written on the back. Oh, man. Valid from 2025 to 20... Because of this. January only, 2025. I could cash that in right now and say, hey, you know what? I want to go up and grab Randy by the wiener.

Here you go. You'd have to do it, wouldn't you? Well, I'm a man of my word. Here we go. But we'd have to debate what fits the friend criteria. It's not going to be anything like that, though. It'd take a pretty good friend to do that. No, it won't be anything like that, though.

But you will have to go on some adventures. Well, I'm glad I came up with a really heartfelt gift. Really happy. Very, very generous. Should have just gave you a fucking lump of coal and said, sock my nuts. What's the, uh, what's the ace to chase? Chase the ace at, uh, how high is it now? It's up there. At the Legion, it's like fucking...

It's up there. 12 grand or something? No, it's more than that. It's like 38 grand. 38 grand? Well, they must have that on site. No? Yeah.

They don't keep the cash at the Legion in the fucking fridge. When is the next... When is it going? When's it going down? Saturday night? Next Wednesday night. All right. Don't make any plans Wednesday night.

Fuck. Don't make any plans Tuesday night. Whoa, what's going on Tuesday? You know what? You and I should team up with our Christmas coupon friend thingy. Yep.

All right? 50-50. 50-50 on what he makes for you. 50-50 on what he makes for me. All right. Unbelievable. This is funny. Unbelievable.

This is going to be awesome. Christmas is ruined. That's it for Christmas. I might go on a little, uh... catalytic converter mission. With the Recepts. You're pretty fast, man. Boys, I thought you were gonna be like, can you run down to the store and get me a loaf of bread?

I could do that. Well, you can do that after. No, it's one thing. No, no, no. You said a full fucking day. What did I write on there? Christmas coupon friend. Let me see.

We have it on tape. You're fucked now, buddy. See, this is what you get. When you do shit like that, you got to think real hard next time. You should have had a lawyer look at it. That's right, man. Well, I don't know that it's legally binding anyway. I can tell you guys deal's off.

You know what that makes you? A shitty friend. That's what it makes you, bud. Wow. Just suck it up. It's most likely you won't get in trouble or go to jail. All right. Let's move on.

Do you want to know what some of the more fucking popular gifts are for 2022? Let's hear them, Rick. Aura Stone. It's a rechargeable hand warmer. Suck. I got to take a piss. What is it? Sounds kind of fucked.

An Aura Stone. It's a rechargeable hand warmer. Aura Stone? I think a rechargeable hand warmer. Aura Stone? I think that's what it says. Did you get me one, you mean? No. Oh. A Kodak Mini Pocket Projector.

That sounds pretty cool. Oh, I've seen those. Fuckin' things look that big, it'll shoot a fuckin' thing. That'd be great if you had one. You could watch movies on the walls. We could, Ricky. You hang up the bed sheet and you got a movie theater. I'm gonna get one of those.

Uh, a self-heating mug. Keeps your coffee warm. It's kind of weird, but kind of cool, I guess. That's a good idea. Probably keep her fucked toasty these days. Holy fuck, Ricky, man. You gotta get some heat on in that bathroom, bud. For what?

It's freezing. I might put a wood stove in there. You should, you need something, because you're basically, you're pissing, it feels like your piss is gonna fucking freeze as you're pissing. Get rid of the tub, put it in a fucking nice wood stove. You don't fucking shower anyway. Get rid of the tub, put it in a wood stove. I would do that, seriously, man.

In the bathroom, nice and romantic. Where are you going to get a shower? Your place. I get a shower here, Ricky. Well, Julius. How would a wood stove make it romantic in your bathroom? You're sitting there just looking at the logs. By yourself?

You'd be looking at logs all right, Ricky. He's going to put a fire on and go jack off. That's what he's going to do. He'd be like, oh, fuck, sorry, I lit the wrong log on fire. Maybe I'll just get an electric one

and keep the tub. Don't be wiring anything electrical in by your tub, please. So you've got this car cleaning gel. That's another popular item this year. It's like this big fucking slime thing and you shove it in your cup holder and you shove it in the air vents.

Oh, man. You know what? What is it? People that have lots, you know, the weed crumbling shit that go down your drink holders. Yep.

That's a good idea. You'd like this one, bubs. What is it? A slime bucket? It's a car cleaning gel, but it's actually like a big thing of slime. You just go,

and it sticks everything to it, and then you bring it up and clean it off, and it cleans the fuck out of your car. Would it work on a letterbox? No, too much No, man, you'd like this bubs it's called a shape-shifting box

Hmm, it's a box that transforms into 70 different shapes. Oh don't you wish you could do that with your head? You know what's very distracting? What? His blinking nipples. My nipples? Like... Well, funny you said that. Turn that off, man.

Oh, I can make them solid. Is that better? I like that. It's kind of lighten up the... Let's go with that for a little while. It's kind of like he's a big Christmas tree. It's trying to make me want it. I know it's the edibles, but it's making me want to get sick.

Don't even need a reading light. No. A magnetic wooden knife block. How does that work, Babs? How do you make a wooden knife block magnet? It's cool, you just stick your knives the outside of this wooden block. It fucking looks pretty wicked.

Well, they just take a piece of wood, Ricky, and they put fucking magnets on the back of it. So you're sticking it to the magnets. You just have a veneer. No, it looks like you're sticking it right to the wood. Yeah, but it's just a veneer of wood. Ah. It wouldn't be like a... It's a track block.

It's a track block, I'm sure, because you can't magnetize wood. And this is another thing that I've never heard of, but I'm getting one. A Revlon hairdryer brush. Why? Why would you... What?

Hey, hairdryer brush. So it's a brush and it blows out hot air? Those have been out for like fucking 60 years, man. I don't think so. I don't think so. It's a hot item, this shit. A hairdryer brush. I think so, man.

I imagine people be ramming those up their arses before long. There's a second eSport. Never even thought of that. You know? Well. I wonder what that would feel like. Let's get Randy to try it. What are you doing?

Is that your fortune? This is true, man. You appreciate the goodwill of others. You know how much I fucking appreciate this? A lot. All right, you know what? Enough of this fucking shit. I'm going to show you what Christmas is all about, boys.

I've got something for you guys. Votre générosité. Flip it over, Ricky. You're on the French side. Others will be impressed with your generosity. That should have been mine as well, here. But you weren't. Free food. Is this for me?

Yep. Oh man, you actually got us gifts. I thought- I got you some gifts, I got myself a gift. Little bit of whiskey. I bought all this for you, bud. Spotted the liquor. Right on, this for you, bud. I bought you liquor. Right on, man.

Thanks, Julian. Thank you. You got that free from the people at the show there. I do get some free, yes. But you've got something. All right. And I also got something else, because I knew you'd say that, bubs. It is quality rather than quantity that matters.

Do a good job. In bed. There we go. Fuck, man. Now I feel... Oh, no, I don't feel job. In bed. Go. Fuck, man. Now I feel... No, no, I don't feel bad. Well, you should. I almost did.

Because I spent a lot of fucking cash on these guys. You spent a lot of cash. I got a Vanessa down at the aristocrat. She... What the fuck? She wrapped them up for me. What is lava? What?

Lava. Lava. Oh. Is that a lava lamp? I've wanted one of these for years. Holy fuck, man. That's cool. Is it a lava lamp?

It's an alien lamp. I wanted a lava lamp. Why don't you buy some? You want to. Actual size. You know what? I got that. It wasn't on sale as well, so I paid full price for it. 17 inch.

What do you mean actual size? It's the biggest one you can find, man. That's what it says, man. Look, actual size. Oh, the picture. The picture is an actual size of what's in the box is what they mean. Not the actual. I want a fucking lava lamp. I want to see what you got.

I'm going to go to a little swap shop. Come on, man. Check this fucking thing lamp. I wanna see what you got, my real alien food. Ah, man, you gotta like this. Check this fucking thing out. Aw, man. Fucking styrofoam. Because I know you like science goosebumps. Fuck, it's broken. No, that'll, that just goes on the top.

Decent. Not too shabby, huh? Aw, man. A plasma ball. Oh my god. Have you ever got high and used one of those for, like, four hours? This does beat a lava lamp. I do love plasma balls.

Science, bud. Holy. You know what's weird? I was waiting for them to go on sale, full price again. I probably would have got it a little bit cheaper if I had got it after Christmas, but you're my buddy. Now, is this? You don't wanna save this box, huh? You know what's something to do with these?

Touch your wang on it. You'll do what to it? Is there a plug? Here, plug it in for me. I don't know where the fucking plug is. There's no, I don't know if we have plugs in here. Ricky, you got plugs. You got a plug over there.

Yeah, but we... What the fuck are microwaves plugged into? What the... What is the microwave plugged into? The wall. Well, we don't probably need that anymore. Jesus fucking Christ, man. It's broken. You're replacing all of that. It's broken.

You're replacing it. All right, here. Put this baby in. Here, just wait. I don't want to touch it in case you... Whoa! Bubs, let's go. Let's go.

Plug. I plugged his in. Oh. Oh, is the lava lamp plugged in? We're plugging both in and we're getting fucked up tonight playing with these things. Turn around, bud. Holy fuck.

Look at that. Look at that, boys. Easily four hours, especially if you've got your wang out. Oh, yeah, you get a good buzz on going. Makes you feel powerful, doesn't it? It does make you. I was wondering, what happens if you crack this thing fucking open? Nothing.

Well, no, we're not doing that. It just makes it bigger. It fills up the whole room. It does make you... I was wondering what happens if you crack this thing fucking open? Nothing. Well, no, we're not doing that. It just makes it bigger. It fills up the whole room. That's what I mean. We could do the whole room, can't we? No, we might get electrocuted. I've done it. You don't stick your wiener on this, do you? Some people do.

On this thing? Yeah. Soft or erect, doesn't matter. Wow. Okay. Got to try that one out later, eh, bud? My kitties are going to love this. I don't know. I think cats might be allergic to something like that. Well, no, they're not going to be allergic to it, Ricky.

Look at that, boys. The amount of physics that's happening right there, you can't even comprehend. So did I do good? Remember how, Bob? Yes, you did't even comprehend. So I do. Did I do good? Remember how, Bob? Yes, you did. We stole some bull semen by accident? Yeah. Well, the German police are now looking for 60 containers of bull sperm got stolen.

But we didn't know this. Do you know it's got to be super cooled with liquid nitrogen at minus 196 degrees Celsius in order to keep it good so it doesn't spoil. That's fucking cold. The fuck are you talking about? Bull sperm. Remember you drank it? I didn't drink. I didn't drink bull sperm.

It was you that drank it, remember? No, I don't remember that. Well, it's on tape. When? When the camera guys were following us around and we were out at the firm. That crazy fucking firm almost killed us. You got a mouthful of it and swallowed it.

Remember? All right. I do remember. Yeah, okay, we made some money off that deal. Yeah, and you drank horse cum that time too. When did I drink horse cum? When we were all cranked up on mushrooms. Oh, I remember

that. Remember? That was in our minds. Big pool of piss. You guys thought you were... That was a hallucination, man. That was not... You took one for the team. That was not... You ever heard of that program on CTV called W4? Nope. W4. I watched it last night. Holy fuck. Isn't it called W4? Nope. W4.

I watched it last night. Holy fuck. Isn't it called W5? No, I don't think. Who, what, when, where, why? There's only four of them. Who, what, when, where, why? Yeah, but who's not a W?

Is that what it means? Anyway, W4. Did you guys hear about this fucking Canadian jet stuck down in Dominican? No. Yeah? I didn't know much about it. All I know is that there was a plane in April, and the pilots were like, there's drugs on board. But they got fucking held up. They just got home like this month.

All the passengers. How long have they been there? What? Since April. Yeah. They thought that they had the fucking cocaine. I mean, I got home like this month. All the passengers in the group. How long have they been there? What? Since April. Yeah, they thought that they had the fucking cocaine. But I didn't know how much cocaine was on this plane.

Do you guys know about this shit? No. The pilot's like, okay, there's a little warning light going off. We gotta better fucking find out what that is before we take off. And it was for the, oh, fuck.

Now I can't remember what it was for. What, the warning light? Yeah, it's for a fucking compartment underneath that doesn't lock. Yeah, was he taxiing when he saw this? No, they were just doing their checks. Do you know what part of the cockpit the warning light came on? Because I know the whole cockpit of an airliner. What type of plane? I need to know that.

Just a little guy. Anyway, it's a fucking compartment. It doesn't lock underneath that you can put shit in. It's where the brain of the plane is. Yeah, okay. So he's like, yeah, you want to go down and check, see what the fuck's going, why that's open? So the copilot, whoever goes down,

they find some bags full of cocaine. So they call the cops. There find some bags full of cocaine. So they call the cops. There's fucking 210 kilos of cocaine in the belly of the plane. Jesus. That's a lot of coke. Like $25, $30 million, they said. Wow.

And they didn't know it was there? Pilots? No. So the whole crew and the fucking pastors, pastors said they didn't know anything about it either, all detained until fucking this month. Is it an airliner? It was called Spirit, or not Spirit.

So it's a commercial airline plane. Well, it's a private plane, yeah. Oh, it was the Avionics Bay. Yeah, the Avionics Bay. Pivot Airlines, I think they were called. Fucking landed in Punta Cana. Your Avionics Bay contains all of your avionics bay. Pivot Airlines, I think they were called. Fucking landed in Punta Cana. Your avionics bay contains all of your avionics. So anyway, they finally let them off this week

because W-4 went down there. Like, what the fuck? I think because W-4 went there, they said, okay, we don't have enough evidence. We're finally going to let these people go. I mean, somebody fucking had to know about it. 210 kilos. Well, somebody put it there, and it's W5

that was down. Well, there's this company called Trust Capital that apparently chartered the plane. It was their second time they chartered it in, like, a month. So, they think it was probably that company. Trust Capital. Just trust us. We'll get your drugs here. The company doesn't exist, but they do. Trust us. We will get

them into the country. That's basically it. I would say somebody's fucking paying with their life over that one. 210 kilos, that's a fucking lot. But you would have to think it was the second time they charted it that the first time they got through. So the cocaine was interrupting the avionics. That's a problem. Pilots said it actually could have been a fucking shit show if they'd taken off.

It could have caused all the bags to slid around and move. He said the whole plane would have been fucked. Oh, 100%. You can't have fucking bags of cocaine in your avionics bag, I'll tell you that. They don't do that on this flight simulator. Anyway, the news kind of just brushed over. Yeah, there's a bit of cocaine found on a plane. People got to stay in Dominican.

I thought it was like a fucking... Were they in jail or were they detained at like a resort? It wasn't really a resort, some house. But they all went to jail for a bit and the passengers were in jail for quite a while. Jesus mercy. But some of those passengers, one of them's fucking guilty.

Has to be. That's crazy. No, but it might not be a passenger, Ricky. It could be just, you know, somebody, you know, stuck in under there and they hopped on a different plane and going to meet it back here and be like, oh, I don't fucking know. Well, they started doing some investigating and they found that the security cam footage for the airstrip from 3 in the morning to like 4.30 in the morning, missing. Okay.

The tape goes from 3 a.m. to 4.30, nothing in between. Okay, so inside job right there. 3 a.m. to 4.30, nothing in between. Okay, so inside job right there. But they found another angle, and it shows this fucking airport vehicle going to the plane at 3 in the morning and unloading these bags. Inside job. Why are they detaining the passengers? Detaining everybody that works at the airport.

Oh, man, it's easy to fuck. You know why? You know why they didn't detain them? Because the government's in on it, too. I bet you they are. What do you think they did with that cocaine? Guaranteed it wasn't destroyed. They had a party.

They were having a party. Big party, big fucking warehouse sell off. Really? Beside part of that money. Boys. Jesus! What? That's what you got to be careful of.

I think I got a shock off that thing here. I'm fucking turning that off. And here's another story. Remember those Shermans that got murdered? The who? Honey Sherman, I forgot her husband's name. Honey Sherman? They got murdered like five fucking years ago.

Lots of people get murdered, man. Who the fuck you talking about? Shermans? They're rich billionaires in Ontario. Honey Sherman? They were part of a fucking pharmaceutical company or something. Honey Sherman?

Hey, but that's not the big part of the story. The big part of the story is they just added $25 million to the reward money. It's $35 million now reward money. If you can find a cable. We should become private investigators. No shit. 2023. We figured this shit out, man.

The year of the PIs. 2023 is the year of the PIs. 2023 is the year of the PIs. Trailer park PIs. On the search for fucking $25 million. $35 million. $35 million. They added $25 million. That's how far of a drive is Ontario.

$15 million each. To Ontario? No, man. $15, $10, $10. $10, $10? Easiest way of doing it. Oh, 15. 10, 10. 10, 10? Easiest way of doing it. Oh, you get 15 and we get 10? I will be the driver.

I'll drive for 5 million. You're not fucking driving to Ontario. I will drive. No, no, I'm your friend for the day. I'll drive you all there. I will pay for all the gas. Oh. Out of your extra five million,

you're going to drop 300 bucks on gas. We won't get the five million until we figure out the fucking thing. What a fucking saint. Crack the case back. We could spend,

if we spent 20 million dollars to figure it out, that's quite a bit. We still have five million each. Well, we're not going to spend all the fuck we're going to spend

20 million dollars just tracking down leads, flying around the country. No, no, we will take leads. That's the thing. The way we do PI shit, we don't have to do any of that stuff. If we just take over the case, then we're going to say, okay, we're off for a $20 million reward.

We'll get information out of people. We don't have to say, hey, here's 50 bucks. Yeah, because we can do shit the cops can't. That's right. Give me the fucking info. Or we'll torture you. You're losing a pinky. And I'll burn the bottom of your feet with a blowtorch.

Yeah. That doesn't hold up in court, boys. Doesn't matter. The judge is going to say, well, he confessed, yeah, but he roasted his feet off. If there's $35 million in rewards, they don't care about it. We should go to the people putting up the reward and say, for another $10 million, we'll torch them and kill them. Ricky. All right, so I don't know if you want to.

Is that too much? Yes. Killing somebody's a big thing, man. We're not murdering anybody. How much money did you say? $10 million? $35 million. Were they fucking assholes?

They're wonderful people. So you've got to kill a wonderful person. Oh, no, no. The people that were killed were wonderful people. Oh, well, fuck them. That might be worth it then. Bubs, let's not talk about this anymore. Okay, we don't have to kill them,

but we could put them on a boat and just float it out in the ocean. Say, good luck. They die? In the middle of winter. Hurricane on its way. Good luck. Here's a fish. What do you think, Bubs?

Hey, you know what? Maybe these will come in. No, I'm not murdering anybody. You said, buddy. I didn't give you a gift that says I will commit murder. That's not a murder. That's sending someone on a trip. That is a trip.

All expenses paid. I'll send you on a trip. He will take out his, and you've got to do them in. 35 million bucks. All right. We'll give you 5 million. Yeah, if you guys can crack the case, I will float. 35 million, pretty much.

If you can prove that they murdered those nice people, I will float them out to sea. Nice. I get it. 35 million pretty much gets rid of your conscience anyway. No food? Well, he said they could have a fish. All right, no life jackets. What size fish? I'll leave that up to Well, he said they could have a fish. All right, no life jackets. What size fish?

I'll leave that up to you. Goldfish. Could be a tuna. I know where we can get an orange one. You guys are fucked. It's 2023, man. It's going to be a good year. You don't even have to break the law that much.

Nope. It's one day, too, by the way. Right? That's right. Christmas coupon friend for a day. You left that part out. Well, I'm... You know what?

There is no for a day. And where it's laminated, it looks like you could probably use it over and over again. Well, I'll just tell you right now, I am going to be very limited in my availability. I will do the friend day, I'll just tell you right now, I am going to be very limited in my availability. I will do the friend day, you know, shopping, cleaning, whatever. But I am not murdering. Sending someone out to sea.

I'm not murdering, I'm not torturing people by burning their fucking feet with a blowtorch. I'm not doing any of that. Alright. I was talking... Just cut a pinky off? Just a simple pinky, gone. Mine? No, some asshole. I'm not doing any of that. All right. I was talking... Just cut a pinky off? Just a simple pinky. Gone. Mine?

No, some asshole. I'm not cutting any... You know what's good for that? It's those fucking hedge cleaners. Oh, done. It's easy. Minimal effort needed. Gone.

I'm not doing that. I'm not cutting fingers off for you. Ugh. Or you could jab someone in their... What's it called? The ferro... Feral artery? The what?

The... The... The... The... The... The... I'm not cutting fingers off for you. Or you could jab someone in there. What's it called? The feral artery? The what? Bleed out? The feral artery. No, man, that's not it.

That means a wild artery. Yeah. I might have fucked that up. What are you talking about? What artery? It's one of the legs that's pretty good. I know if you get shot there, you're pretty much toast. It's not feral.

No. It's definitely not feral. Boys, I feel right out of her all of a sudden. I know. You know how you can get even more out of her? Magic mug. With a little bit of mac and cheese. Boys, I don't want to seem like, you know,

I'm the person that gives gifts and that takes them back, but I really, because I bought you guys... There's a name for someone like that. You know what? I was just thinking, are you guys really gonna drink this? Yes! Seriously. I love liquor, I think.

All right, but, Pubs, you don't drink whiskey that much. Is that why you bought whiskey? So that you could just take it back? No, I kind of had it, but Pubs, you don't drink whiskey that much. Is that why you bought whiskey? So that you could just take it back? No, I kind of had it. But you're not drinking that, right? You don't need that, do you? He gave it to me. But you're going to drink this.

You've got a whole bottle. Where's your friend card? You don't need that, right? No, no, no, no, no. You don't need that friend card. Friend card is locked in, buddy. So you got born on December the 23rd. Harry Shearer?

Harry Shearer. Was he like a fucking barber? No, Ricky, he's in Spinal Tap. Harry Shearer, the big spud. Oh, yeah, now I see. Derek Smalls. He was on Simpsons. Yeah, but, yeah, he was.

He does a bunch of voices. Fucking did a lot of voices. Holy fuck. Does a bunch of voices, but he's Derek Smalls from Spinal Tap. Yeah, he was good. Which one's that? Which guy was that? The bass player.

The bass player. The black hair and the big mustache. Yeah, the handlebar thing. Fucking Dave Murray from Iron Maiden got born. Oh, yeah? We should crank some fucking Maiden later. Fucking rights. Eddie Vedder?

Fuck, we've got lots of good music we can crank tonight. Oh yeah. James Baldwin. Oh yeah. Peter Klima, you used to like him. I liked Peter Klima. It's Peter Klima. He was in NHL. Peter Kleeman.

Played for the Tampa Bay Lightning. Yes. Corey Haim. Julian. Why did you mention Julian? Because he liked all of his movies. There was some movie he drove a Porsche 911 in and you liked it, I think. Corey Haim, remember? Oh, License to Drive, remember that?

Who else? Finn Wolfherd. Wolfherd? Wolfherd. That must have been a tough one. Heard as a wolf. Finn Wolfherd, are you sure you got that right? He's a Canadian actor. He's in Stranger Things. Yeah, Finn Wolfherd. He's one of the main guys. And rock singer?

Oh, I didn't know he was a rock singer. Calpurnia or the Aubreys? It says Stranger Things and then it says It. Yeah? Was he in that too? It, you know, with the clown. Nice! Oh, yeah, I know which guy it is now.

You know the cocksucker that lives in the dream? Yeah, yeah, I know which guy it is. The guy with the glasses. That kid. No, no. Oh, I'm talking about... The kid doesn't live in the drain. I mean the crazy clown that fingers people.

The razor teeth. Razor teeth. The clown was fingering people. Wasn't he? I think that was a different movie. He lived in the fucking sewer anyway. He's probably up to no good. I think that was a different movie called The Clown Fingers Julian's Mom.

Remember the ball rolls into the drain and they reach in and that fucking clown's in there? It's a little boat. He's floating down the road in the water from the rain. I don't like fucking clowns that live in sewer drains. And then he went to reach in to get his boat back and this fucking clown shoved his... There's a clown living right in the fucking sewer drain on the side of the road. Where?

He's peeking out of the fucking grate. Where? I would have fucking just started feeding him right through the thing. Just fucking giving it to him because he's not, you know, he's kind of trapped. I'm lost, man. Where was this taking place?

This was in a movie. Oh, it's in a movie. You thought it was real? Oh, fuck. I just thought... Jesus Christ. But I'm saying, if you're walking down the street and there's a storm drain, and you look in and there's a fucking clown in there peeking out at you,

what are you going to do? Start talking to him? Are you going to start fucking feeding him? Take out your 9mm and you unload it on the little fucker. And then you piss on him. And you piss on him as a good touch. I just think if there's a clown living in the sewer, he's up to no good.

No shit. He's not doing anything productive for society. Unless it could be like a sewer cleaning company where they dress up like clowns to, you know. Gloves? And then I'd feel bad because I, you know, pounded the piss out of him and he was just in there cleaning the sewers. Riddle me this.

Some poor little fella. If you go to China, do they have like restaurants that have like Canadianese food that comes in little containers like this? I would think they do. Probably little, you know, tubs of poutine and... Oh, fuck. That could be a thing. I'm sure they say, let's order Canadian tonight.

And it shows up in the little things and it's poutine and bacon and maple syrup, pancakes. Moose burgers. I doubt they have moose burgers. Polar bear fingers. Well, they wouldn't have that, Ricky. Once we get the reward money, and we go to Dominican, buy the cocaine off the government, double our money, maybe we'll move to China and open a chain of Canadianese restaurants.

Is there any candles or something in this? This is fucking freezing in your place, man. Seriously, I'm toast. I freezing in your place, man. Like seriously. It smells good in there, doesn't it? I'm toasty. I am fucking freezing here, man. I'm toasty, I got a nice sweater on. Me too.

You should fuck candles, fuck heat. You need a nice Christmas sweater. But you don't wear things like that, do you? Don't put my fucking nutcrackers on fire either. That's a nutcracker. Yeah, and it's gonna crack your nuts if you're not careful. What kind of nut are you fucking throwing in that thing? Peanut. Squirrel nut. Peanut fucking throwing in that thing? Peanut.

Squirrel nut. Peanut. You put a peanut in there. It's more for decor, as they say in the rich place. Boys, so I think we should go caroling now. That's not a candle. It can burn for a while. No, you're not. You know what that's going to smell like?

What? Fucking worse than his cologne. That's just pure chemicals. Paint and fucking everything else. I just want to burn it for a bit. Let's go caroling. Caroling? You think I'm gonna go walk around singing? Give me the song list and I'll decide.

We wish you a Merry Christmas. We wish you a Merry Christmas. What's the ones with the kings in it? Three kings are here and they are there. Yes, I like that one. And the kings are all the same. All right, here's the deal. Go print out the lyrics and I'll go.

If we're going to go, we're going to hit the subdivisions outside of the park. That's what I mean. They hand out money. Guys, Carol, I will go around back and see what I could find. First, we need to crank some fucking Pearl Jam, some fucking Maiden. We could do Carol as Eddie Vedder. Do it.

All right. Ring the bells! Oh, yeah! Na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na. Not with the Mary Johnson! You know a perfect way of ripping people off? Right now, we can go do it. You guys care, I'll say, I'll start singing for a little bit.

It's a sec, do you mind if I go and have a piss? Go and say, come into our home and take whatever you like. Take a few things, man. And leave, wear a big coat. And how do you get out with them? Big coat. They'll grow. Big coat. Big coat. Yeah, you with out with them? Big coat, dog grow. Big coat.

Yeah, you with the big coat. Big coat, small presents. You with the big coat, head in the house, unsupervised. That's a good movie title. Well, your criminal-looking friends sing us Christmas carols. Actually, you, him, and I could both say we got a piss.

Oh, yeah, all three of us. Just let all three of's go wild in the house while we stand here looking out front at nobody singing. We'll act like we're drunk. Actually, we'll get drunk and say, we got a piss band. You guys are fucked.

I'm feeling great now, Bubz. You know what? Giving you guys presents made me feel better, Bubz. Thank you. All right. I always thought it was bullshit. But you took them back. I think it's time to fucking get

going. Is it Christmas time? It is time. It's time to pour some Christmas drinks? Yep. Get drunk. Go caroling. We should say Merry Christmas to the folks at home, shouldn't we? Merry Christmas, motherfuckers. Happy Christmas

2022, and we'll see you in 2023. Well, the camera fellow is going to be here on New Year's. Oh. All right,

we'll fucking cancel the last part, but Merry fucking Christmas. Yeah, Merry Christmas. Get drunk and high as fuck with your friends and family.

That's what Christmas is about. Love you guys. Peace.