Trailer Park Boys Presents: Park After Dark - Episode 31 - That's How You F**king Do Halloween, Boys

Episode Date: November 4, 2019

A googly-eyed Stranger Things monster, an alien pizza delivery guy and a lobster fisherman compare their bulging Halloween sacks - and guess who stole most of his swag! They also discuss banging in horror movies, and the best and worst Halloween costumes!

Boys, are we gonna dump all our treat bags or what? Well, I'm selling mine. I'm gonna have a bit of an auction today. Yours? Yeah. How do you even have a fucking treat bag? Because I went trick-or-treating this year. Well, kind of. When? Me and Ricky went out last night.

You didn't go trick-or-treating. I did. I went out last night at 2.30 in the morning. What? Yeah. My bag's feeling awful light, come to think of it. Well, you should have went out trick-or-treating. You went out trick-or-treating at 2.30 in the morning and got a full bag of treats.

Yes, I did. There's been parties going on. You go into a party, you have, like, a little pillowcase, you collect a few things. What did you dress up as? What do you mean? What I am right now.

You went out as Julian, did you? No, I'm a fisherman. Oh, my. A lobster fisherman. A lobster fisherman. A lobster fisherman. I did actually put time into this. Just so you know, because I knew you'd be bitching at me. Here's my little sign.

Oh my fuck, so you walked around with a sign saying I'm a lobster fisherman, not your owl. I kept the sign in my pocket just in case people were like, hey, what the fuck? You fucking stole my tree is what you did. Bubz, I didn't steal your fucking tree. Well, Ricky. I am selling some of this shit, though, so you'll see in a second.

Did I fall asleep again? Oh, yeah, man. Boys, I'm tired, man. No kidding. We have to go to bed at some point. I'm still wide awake. Who kidding. We have to go to bed at some point. I'm still wide awake. I had... Who's giving out five-hour energies? I drank sex of them.

I feel great. You look good, Babs. You look better than that fucking Julian. So he's got a big bag of treats. And he says he went out trick-or-treating at 2.30 in the morning. I'm gonna keep this. I was gonna sell it, but I think I need to... Somebody gave you that for Halloween.

Get on it, help me. Big fucking jar of muscle powder. There's some granola boost. That'll help you out. Yeah. Ricky, two bucks. Those were... They're fucking $5.99.

Got us some crackers here. So you went to the grocery store and fucking stole everything? Well, no, I went to... You went through somebody's cupboards, it looks like. I went to a couple of host fucking parties for Halloween. And you stole... And looted their cupboards. You stole everything in their cupboard.

These are tasty nuts, man. You like tasty nuts, don't you? I know you do. There's a buck, so that's two bucks you owe me. You owe me two bucks. I'm not paying for any of this. Well, I don't... Stop, you stole a lot of fucking...

Here's an orange. That could have a razor blade in it. Probably has a razor blade in it. Peaches? Okay, I don't want any of this shit. I've got my own loot bag. Who the fuck would be giving that shit out? You stole that out of someone's fucking cupboards, man.

And their protein powder. Well, it's... You go in for a party, things go missing, okay? That happens in every fucking party. See, this is like... This is Halloween treats. Oh, man, those are the best type right there. Those are for barbecue.

Fuck, those are good. You can have those. Look, half loon moons. Alright, those are good. I've got a little Mr. Big Bar here. Those are tasty. Okay, boys, well, I mean... Well, we're still going, I guess. Look, Ricky, I got this.

I got that. I thought you might want it. Thanks, man. Pepperoni. Hey, it's November. Doesn't something happen in November? What? I thought it was a special month or something.

November? It's the month before Christmas. I want the deals and sales and shit. I know, I know, it's the mustache month, isn't it? Ricky, you're freaking me out with that fucking mask on. Oh, I still have it on? You've got a fucking mask on, Rick. Fuck, I forgot.

What's on my shoulder? Check this thing out. What is it? Something like an alien baby. Oh, look, Ricky, that looks like you might have shit that thing out. Maybe I did. It came right out of your body. How do you make it get to life?

Why are you eating my fucking half moon? Because I didn't get any fucking treats from you. See, you're a fucking lobster fisherman. Is that what you're saying? The what? I'm a lobster fucking fisherman. Yeah, that is lame. Jesus Christ, how many times?

That is the lamest fucking costume. That took me ten minutes to draw, so... I can't decide if I'm a half pizza, half alien, or if I'm an alien that works for a pizza company. Maybe I'm an alien that delivers pizza. What the fuck? What is up with that? He's an alien pizza, man.

Because I couldn't decide which one to be, so I'm both. He wanted to go out and slice pizza, but he loved the alien suit, too. So he's a pizza alien. Yeah. I think he's a delivery boy in space. In my spaceship. And you're an alien, some kind of alien. I'm the monster from Stranger Things.

What's that? It's the monster from The Upside Down. I have no idea what you're talking about. Or I think I am. I'm some type of an alien monster. You look like that, uh... Who was the alien that was banging that girl in the movie? In the water?

Captain Kirk. Oh, man. Who? The movie with the water and the monster and the banging. Aquaman? No, man. Holy fuck. Who the fuck? The monster in the water?

Remember she was in the tub flicking herself off near the beginning of the movie? Freddy Krueger. No, man. Freddy Krueger finger-banged somebody in the tub. What chick was flicking herself off in the tub? What kind of movie? It was a movie about a monster, and he was in the water. Godzilla.

And they started banging, and they fell in love. Godzilla and King Kong. Oh, no, I know what you're thinking of. Fuck. The Alpha Fish Man, it was called. No. The what? The guy.

The beast under the water. The shape of... Shape of things. The shape of water. Yeah. The shape of water. I don't know what it is. You lost me.

I'm thinking of something completely different. But there was a scene in Nightmare on Elm Street where she was in the tub. Remember? And Freddy's, didn't his tongue come out from under the water or something? No, man, that didn't happen. I'm telling you, it did. Freddy Krueger's, he must have been in the bathtub then. Or can he go through the tub?

He can go through the tub if you're dreaming. He can fucking show up wherever he wants. Who doesn't have fucked up dreams like that? Do you know how fucking Freddy Krueger works, bud? He only shows up in your dreams. And he can murder you in your fucking dreams. But you die in real life. What about that Jason guy?

Jason Priestley? No. Jason Voorhees. Who? Jason Voorhees. Who the fuck is that? He's the guy with Jason Priestley? No. Jason Voorhees. Who? Jason Voorhees. Who the fuck is that? He's the guy with the hockey mask. That's Jason from Friday the 13th.

Oh, the good guy, Jason. And he's not in your dreams. He's like, here I am. He's walking around with an ax, chopping you up. Shoot that guy, is that how he died? He shot him? Threw him in the lake? He's never been killed. So he's still going?

He fought Freddy Krueger a few years back. Who won? Jason. And then he took over Manhattan. Remember that? Jason takes Manhattan. No, man. That's real. Jason Voorhees was walking around new york city murdering people

nice because everybody thought oh he's just an oddball with a fucking mask on you're talking as if it would really happen man it didn't you don't believe that somebody could walk around new york city with a hockey mask on chopping people and up with a fucking ass it's not i don't get people going on this shit, man. It's a movie. Have I told you how much I hated these fucking cheap gloves? Well, you're missing half. Well, why did they have to chimp out like that?

No, Ricky, they're not gloves. They're part of the costume. So you can still use your hands to, you know... Text. Text and stuff. I don't text. Okay. What's your name, Ricky?

Me? Yeah. Ricky? No, you're... No, you're... He's an alien name. Oh. Uh... I don't know. Give me a good name. Um... Um... Zaltorg 6. No, that's more like a planet you'd be living on. I don't know, give me a good name.

Zaltorg 6. No, that's more like a planet you'd be living on. What about... I'm going to be Atari Pepperoni. Atari Pepperoni. That's a good name. From 6. What is 6? Atari Pepperoni from 6. What is six? Atari pepperoni from six.

What does the six mean? It's just... Six planet? It's an object out there. That won't work, man. That's not gonna work either. Well, I'm pretty scary, aren't I? Not in the least bit, man.

Well, I think I look fantastic, so fuck yourself. Well, you kind of, you had to, the eyes, your eyes are right in the mouth. It's kind of weird, man. No, they're not. They're right in the fucking eye holes. You know what you should do? You should sneak into Randy's trailer,

hide under his bed, wait till he's asleep, and then slowly get on top of him. Yeah, you should do that, Julian. Or go head first, right of him. Yeah, you should do that, Julian. Or go head first, right into his arse. You should do that, Julian. It'll scare the fuck out of him, man. Yeah, he might even have a heart attack and get dead. Or he'll get banged.

No. That could be his first defense. He might do something to you, man. Don't do that, fingers. Oh, did you ever see an alien drink liquor straight out of the bottle? Are we still drinking? I am.

Somebody was giving out five-hour energy and I drank all of them. Party machine guy. What the fuck are these now? They look like a Ritz cracker. What are they called? 50% less sodium. Not good, man.

I don't even really remember. What the fuck do we got? Dump her out, Ricky. You got a lot. Yeah. You got a full-size bag of Doritos? No, you definitely stole those. There was an incident

at the convenience store. I'm not going to lie. Nobody was giving those out, that's for sure. That's a $5 bag of chips. Well, Marguerite was giving out, like, one chip out of the bag to every kid. It was just fucked. These are too healthy. You can have those muscles.

What are they? Smurf food. No, it's popcorn. I like these things. Smurf food muscle pills. What the popcorn. I like these things. Smurf food muscle pills. What the fuck is this all-natural chocolate bullshit? Ugh. Jesus, don't burp inside your mask.

Soft liquors. What is it? It smells like the forest in here. Why? I don't know. Was I chewing on the grass? Maybe your alien eats trees. That's a weird one. What the fuck is that? I got't know. Was I chewing on the grass? Maybe your alien eats trees. That's a weird one. What the fuck is that?

I got some white corn syrup. Oh, this is nice licorice. I'm having this. I love licorice. You can dip it in that corn syrup if you like. I'm dipping it in corn syrup, Ricky. It's delicious as is. All right, you guys can get your shit going.

I can't get it open with my fucking alien fucking hand. Holy fuck, what a load. You like old caramel? Alien? Huh? You like these things? I took your loon moon. I put that on.

Yeah. That's the caramel. That is a fucking good one. What is it? That's the one I took from the house when they went to the kitchen to get something. You took the whole bag of Murph. Well, didn't say not to. Oh, yeah. Oh, these fucking, you know what these are?

What? These things. Yeah. Very good. I just gave you some, Bob. What are they called? What? These things. Yeah. Very good. I just gave you some, Bubs. What do they call them? Old caramel things, man.

No, we call them... Old caramel. It's French. Oh, guess who likes these fucking things? Lobster boy. I do like those. What, flakies? You know what?

I don't need those, Bubs. Whole bag, ten bucks. Six. I'm not buying back my. Whole bag, ten bucks. Six. I'm not buying back my stolen merchandise from you. Ricky. Six. Six. Bob, seven. Nope.

Ricky, eight. It's yours. Four. Eight. Eight bucks. How about four bucks and a couple of these arrow bears? Oh, I've got arrow bears. I'll wait until later when, I fucking covered up.

I'll wait till later when you're all fucked up. I covered up all the shit I wanted to get talked about. Fuck's sakes. Ah, fuck, man. That is how you fucking do Halloween, boys. Jesus Christ, what are these goddamn things? All right, you know what? This is how you do Halloween, Bubs. That's nothing. You're this shit.

Well, don't mix it up with mine! No. We'll figure out who's this new... That is totally my candy. There's a lot of the same things, but that's... I recognize this as my bag of candy. Who the fuck gave you pickles? Who was that? Somebody gave you pickles? Who was that? Somebody gave you pickles, not me.

You stole those out of somebody's cabinet. Yeah. I must have been pretty fucked up last night. Fuck. I can't eat any of this shit, man. You know what? I need to go to bed. I was thinking that, too.

Unless we do something fun here, Bob's in the next, like, one minute. Eat some sugar. No, man, I did. I'm done. I'm done with sugar, Bob. You guys want to get talking about anything, or we're just going to go to sleep? No, talk about something, Ricky. Fuck's sakes. Let me see if I got anything to talk about here.

In the world news, bubs. This, I gotta remember what this means. It just says New Jersey horse fucker. Hmm. Oh, yes. This fucking guy's, I don't know. He was contacting all the farms that he lived near. Yeah.

And asking the owners of the farms if he could have sex with their horses and their cows. What? Get the fuck out of here. And then they said no, so he started harassing the fuck out of them and putting, like, these things to puncture their tires in their driveways. Just because they wouldn't let him bang

their fucking horses and their cows. Where was this? New Jersey. In New Jersey? Yeah. Don't believe it, man. Well, fuck, he's got 22 charges against him, so... I'm gonna have to look that one up. Just search New Jersey horse fucker.

Is it New Jersey horse fucker, 22 charges? No, you probably wouldn't search fucker, but... If you search New Jersey horse fucker. Is it New Jersey horse fucker, 22 charges? No, you probably wouldn't search fucker, but... If you search New Jersey horse fucker, you're gonna get some interesting images. Really? Mm-hmm. There's no fucking internet out here, man. God damn you and your fucking machine.

Just type in horse fucker, see what you get. I got it. What? I can't, man, your internet's fucked. Well, that's what happens what you get. I got it. What? I can't, man. Your internet's fucked. Well, that's what happens when you don't pay, Julian. They shut the fuck down, don't they? No, you're on Merrick Reed's internet.

We don't have internet? Don't know, man. All right, here's something. The best fucking... I thought you didn't have internet. No, this came up because I was trying to fucking figure out what I was going to do as a costume. These suck.

Number one, costume of this fucking year is Stranger Things, man. That's what you got on. Characters. You're the winner, man. Characters from Stranger Things, man. You nailed what you got on. Characters. You're the winner, man. Characters from Stranger Things, man. You nailed it, too. You fucking did it.

Number two. Y'all, y'all. Number two. Pizza Man. No, that fucking clown. What's his name from It? Oh, fuck. Pennywise.

Pennywise. Cock sucker. That's number two. He's a scary cock sucker, but not in the second movie. It's number two. He's a scary cocksucker, but not in the second movie. It's too ridiculous. He was a lot scarier when he was just a weird cocksucker that lived in the storm drain. Oh, man, I don't find, like, it's all fake. How can you be scared?

No, but I just mean in the second one, he turned into a big supernatural monster. Oh, really? Which was bullshit, but in the first one, he was just a clown that lived in the sewer and grabbed you and pulled you in and fucked you or whatever he did. Is that what that clown does? I think he fucks you. No, he doesn't, does he?

Pretty sure. All right, number three's the monster from The Masked Singer. What the fuck is that? A little blue shirt. Has anybody watched that fucking goddamn show? What show? The Masked Fucking Singer.

No. No, man. What is it? Oh, is that the one where people sing? Oh, yes. It's like a game show. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. They sing with a mask on.

It's like the voice or the fucking idol shit, right? Except you have a mask on. It's famous people, isn't it? They sing and then you gotta guess if they're fucking who they are. I don't know. We should fucking sign you up for that shit, man. You could go like that guy. Yeah, and what would I sing?

Love me tender. Love me true. All my something, something. What about Hip to be Square? It's Hip to be Square? It's Hip to be Square. The song you pick is important, though, Bob. And those two, I wouldn't do. Huey Lewis, biggest wiener in the game.

What do you mean? Huey Lewis, notorious for having the biggest wiener in the music industry. How do you know that? It's a known fact. He's been there at the biggest wiener in the music industry. How do you know that? It's a known fact. No, he's... He just... Everybody knows that. Yo, yo.

Now everybody else knows that. Yo, yo. No, you gotta do... The song choice is fucking key. So if you're gonna really wanna do something like this, you gotta pick something like a Rihanna tune or something, man. A Rihanna tune? Yeah, you know, like lots of upbeat shit. Adele. And do a dance. You got to dance. What does Adele sing? What does Adele sing? I don't know, but she's big, isn't she? Big how? Popular. Oh, popular? Yes, she's very popular, Adele.

Yeah. Bruno Mars is too. No, you're, no, that wouldn't, no, I don't do that. Who's a weird looking alien bastard? That's a good question. I mean, if I was gonna dress up in this, I'd probably wanna sing David Bowie. Do what to?

I don't know. Modern love? And the spiders from Mars. No, man, you can't do that voice either. You're gonna like this one, Babs. What? You don't like hunters, do you? No, I think hunters are fucked.

This fucking cocksucker from Arkansas, he shot a deer and then he went up to check on it to see if it was dead, and the deer fucking bucked him in the chest. Oh, I fucking heard that. Beat the fuck out of him. No, he killed him. Yeah, I know.

He's a goner. Well, I mean, you know, that's... And the deer, they never found him. The deer might have lived. Let's fucking score one for the deer, they never found it. The deer might have lived. That's fucking score one for the deer. I mean, deer, that's one thing. I mean, because when it's overpopulated and, you know,

there's argument that it's better for hunters to go out and humanely kill them so they don't starve to death. That's one thing. I don't like the cocksuckers that go over to fucking Africa and shoot things like fucking big gorgeous elephants and big gorgeous giraffes and stuff. Gorgeous? Yes, they're gorgeous, and they're shooting them just because.

I know, man. I'd like to fucking shoot them. Cocksuckers. Big fucking elephant over there minding his own business and some fat cocksucker's a fucking wretch comes over and pays to shoot him. You should be able to pay to shoot those bastards. That's what I was going to say.

We should round up all those people. Because, I mean, you've got to shoot that elephant quite a few times. Send them off to the forest and let other people hunt them for a change. That's fucking bullshit. And they're shooting lions and cheetahs and all the kitties. That's what we should do. Get a big pen, fill it with lions and tigers and things that kill, and then throw those people in the cage with no weapons.

Have fun, bud. Have fun. Good luck. The lion paid good money to fucking take a chomp out of your fat fucking ass. Yeah. I just, I fucking have no time for those stupid cocksuckers and the fucking ones

that the matadors that you know go in and they fucking torture the bulls to death I enjoy when one of those cocksuckers gets

some guy a guy did just fucking get well good for him the horn up the hoop good for him stupid cocksuckers shouldn't have been in there

in the first place I agree man now you got me all fired up this is number what is number five Stupid cocksucker shouldn't have been in there in the first place. I agree, man. Now you got me all fired up. Okay, this is number, what is it, number five? And I don't want to say this because you're gonna fucking go on and on about this. The Baby Shark Family. Oh my fuck.

Here we go. It's starting. I knew it, man. I have to say that I really hate that song. I'm singing it in my own head so I don't get it stuck in yours. I was waiting for that to happen because it fucking drives you nuts. What do you think of that, Alien? I don't get it, man. Atari pizza? Mama... I don't get it either, man. Okay, bubs.

Fuck, they got toys and shit out now? It's fucked. It's fucking great shit. Grandpa. Grandpa shirt. Grandpa shirt. That's enough. Grandpa shirt. Okay, I got it.

The people that invented that song should also be throwing in my make-believe cage of animals. I think it was a little kid, Ricky. Don't care. You want to throw a little Japanese kid in the fucking cage with the fucking... There's no defending yourself when you fucking write shit like that. Alright, here's a fucked up costume

that's popular. Probably number six. Meghan Merkle, Prince Harry, and Baby Archie. Like, what the fuck? Who would go out as Baby Archie? What do you do? Put a diaper on and get so drunk you shit yourself. Yeah, that's weird.

That's a weird one, man. That's a popular costume? What the fuck, man? Who the fuck would want to dress up like them? I mean, this is better than that costume. What I got going here. No. With the sign.

No, I have to disagree. No. With the sign. No, I have to disagree. No. What do you mean? You should have dressed up as Madam Merkel. Who? Imelda Merkel. Imelda Merkel. You should have dressed up as Imelda Merkel.

No, the fucking woman who just died. The president of the Philippines. She was the one that liked shoes, wasn't she? Yes, she had a lot of shoes. And Maldonado. She was a chick. That would have been nice. Yes, she was a chick, yeah. You should have dressed up as...

Was that the one that had the sex tape? Who? Who? The little shoe lady. She never had a sex tape, Ricky. I thought she had an anal sex tape out or something. That must have been somebody Ricky. Who thought she had an anal sex tape out or something?

That must have been somebody else. A shoe lady with an anal sex tape. Who the fuck are you talking about? Imelda Marcos never had an anal sex tape. The president of the Philippines or something? Yes. She never had an anal sex tape that I know of. Look at the pizza alien over there.

High as fuck, giggling away. How high are you right now, Ricky? 7.9. How do you turn your eyes on and off? You just blink. Is that working? No. I don't know, though.

Oh, I'm getting chafed. I'm getting a chafe. Yeah. I wonder how long it's been. I'm getting a neck chafe. It seems like a pretty long time, hasn't it? Like, I don't know. It could be either ten minutes or fucking three hours.

You guys are baked out of your mind. It's about 25 minutes or so. Okay. What else do you got for popular costumes? You know... Taylor Swift is another popular one. You should have went as her, man. Randy would have loved it.

No, you know who you should have went out as? I don't want to know. Arnold Schwarzenegger's bicep. Just, you should have wrapped yourself in it. So I would have been an arm, basically. Yeah. You should have went out as a bicep. Then you would have been hard under your costume all night,

knowing that you were one big muscle. No, man, that's fucked. Oh, Forky from Toy Story 4. That's another one. That's a good costume. I love Forky. Is that a good movie? Toy Story 4, it's great with Forky.

I put it on for ae and I fell asleep. How did you put it on, Ricky? Is it out yet? I think it must be. It's not out yet, man. Well, how did I watch it? You were probably staring at a fucking takeout fork that was on your coffee table.

What? Maybe I got dreamt that. I watched it. I don't remember now. What happened? No, it's out. I watched. I don't remember now. What happened? No, it's out. I watched it. I fell asleep.

You guys are fucking me up. Hey, Julian. You know what? Your breath, man, is bad. Here. Eat some. Eat one of these. Here.

Take that. What is it? It's a Halloween something, man. It's like a... I don't think I should get into a chewy taffy. It's a fruit taffy. You're a fucking fruit taffy. I can't open it with my alien fingers.

All right. I'm gonna have to take... I had a bit more than half of this shit on the table. So I'll be taking most of it home, bubs. These are... You try to take any of that and I'm chopping you in the fucking neck. These are a product of India. I'm pouring this on your laptop if you can take any more candy.

Don't do it, man. Don't fucking do it. You know you stole my candy. Now leave it. This was mine. That's fine. You can take the orange for your muscles. Proteins come with me. You definitely didn't have that.

And you didn't fucking pickles. Or this fucking cake. Mine. Better keep that out, Don. It's gonna crush. What do you think, Ricky? I don't know. Don, what you think about it all?

I don't know how the fuck we stayed up this long. I'm done, man. I can't do this anymore. What are you gonna do now? Go make some money. I might have to have a little nap, and then I'll be good to go. I'm wide awake. Well, you stay up and party, bubs.

Was that in my bag? Six five-hour energies and a bunch of sugar. That pipe was in my bag, right? So was this. Man, make sure he doesn't take our stuff, bubs. Okay, you're good. Those are mine. These are my sunglasses. Nope.

That's mine. That Kit Kat burger. Can I leave these joints here, Ricky? What? I left these joints here last night, right? Those aren't your joints. No, no, man. No, no, no, no, no, no. I think I left most of them here.

You don't even know how to roll. You're not a fucking man. Here, no, no, no, no, no. I think I left most of them here. You don't even know how to roll. You're not a fucking man. Here, you can take your quinoa boost. Your granola quinoa. Okay, cool. And, uh... What the fuck is that? Artichoke hearts.

Do you want those? No. I can probably see them. What? Artichoke hearts. Do you want those? No. I can probably see them. Where? Artichoke hearts. So there's a lot of dead artichokes somewhere. I'm missing their hearts.

Okay, that's enough! Yeah, man, what the fuck? That's enough. That is the limit. Okay, tune in next week when... When what happens? We're gonna be talking about some shit. All right. Do you ever use this?

Yeah. You don't have to play Crip. What the fuck? Are you like a bandit here? I'm just gonna go make some money. I'm getting tired, Gus. The lobster, fish, and muscle bandit. I gave that to you. I'm gonna, Gus. The lobster-fishing muscle bandit. I gave that to you. I'm going to take that back. Okay, just, you're done.

You got enough stuff. Get the fuck going. Get the fuck out of my room, man. That's enough. A few more. That's enough. This is fucking bullshit. Shittiest costume.

Didn't even fucking go trick-or-treating with us. Now you got more than we do. Unbelievable. Get out. Get the fuck out. Get out. There's shit my way here. Good. Fuck you. Good.