Trailer Park Boys Presents: Park After Dark - Episode 31 - The Boys Get Lit!

Episode Date: December 23, 2024

Santa's come early and brought some awesome sh*t - new Trailer Park Boys chips and BIC lighters! But will they make any scrilla out of it? There's also the world's most costly coffee, a killer cat, and the Jaguar that wasn't there. Plus: What gifts has Julian, ahem, acquired for his best buds? Find out soon...

To watch the video, Perk After Dark, go to Swear Nut dot com or go to the Trailer Park Boys Swear Nut app. Holy fuck, these are unbelievable, Ricky. Fuckin' great, man. Barbecue, sticks. But you flavored all these? Yeah. And I fucking like the pictures you drew man is so fucked They're totally fucked these are delicious. They're like heck respect spot three flavors You're laughing. Oh check cheese and we got chips called prison spice. I didn't know you were putting out this prison spice buddy

I'm all over it. Oh, this reminds me.'ve got to shoot a commercial for something, all right? I've got something new coming out. You guys ready? All right, let's get ready. Commercial for what? Just a commercial. Just play along with me. Okay, get ready. God damn it, these are good.

Boys, check this out. That's mine. That's yours, Bubs. That's yours, Ricky. Who's this? Lighters. No way. We're on some lighters. I'm on a lighter.

Like a back lighter, where do you get these on? Okay, funny you asked that, Bubs. Check out the link that's going to be on your screen right now. You go to that, and you come up to this thing, and it tells you exactly where you can buy these lighters at. In Canada? In Canada, just in Canada now. This is the deal. We've got to get them in the States eventually, over the UK,

but we've got to sell a shit ton in Canada first, in order the deal. We gotta get them in the States eventually over the UK, but we gotta sell a shit ton in Canada first in order for that to happen. So please, buy our lighters. Should we get any money off this? Well, we'll get into that later. Look at the fire that comes out of mine. That's right, mine works great, man. Light it up.

Light it up. Yeah, boys, the technology's fucking nuts, man. I mean, you can check that out. You can see, look at all the stores you can buy these things at. I know, but just- That is what I've been doing with my time lately. So we just shot a commercial for a fucking lighter

that I didn't even know I was on. Yeah. Yeah, because if, the thing is, boys- Let me see that fucking thing. Let me see the lighter again. Here, the lighter. You gotta understand, when I'm negotiating, I cannot, it has to happen like that.

I could have got to at least approve the picture. I gotta get you guys on the phone, conference callin' you guys. I don't have time, man. I mean, I look fantastic. Well, they look fucking great. I picked out the best pictures, man. That's a pretty good shot. Very nice fire. Quality fire.

Gotta light up a fire. But so, are we getting money? That is the thing. You may have fucked up. As I said in the thing, the commercial we just did, people gotta buy them, okay? The more people buy them, the better chance it gets spread all over the fucking world. We can take over the world with lighters, boys.

So if people buy them in Canada, they'll expand? It'll expand. They'll be like, whoa, look at the people lighting up their joints and stuff with our lighters boys. So if people buy them in Canada they'll expand? It'll expand they'll be like whoa look at the people lighting up their joints and stuff with our lighters. And six new flavors. Six new flavors and I took care of all that shit. Merry Christmas. So we have a new chip flavor called prison spice. Ricky used to make chips in prison. They're fucking good. Yeah. Prison spice is the big seller right now boys. Prison spice. I've always loved this prison spice spice man chips I didn't know we were putting them out on you these things man. I'm addicted

These ones are fucking these ones are barbeque. Those are my favorite Fucking oh, I see what you did What? Well when you when you julienne a potato, yeah, which is, I'm glad you got it. You called them juliennes, potato sticks. Juliennes. Yeah, man. I suppose you get paid extra.

It's my legacy, right there. That's it. I'm on a potato chip bag. That's delicious. It's delicious. Thanks, boys. I'm putting a lot of fries and gravy. We need a good expression for these though.

Like what? Catch phrase as they say in the biz, isn't it? I'm all up, let it go, man. What's the catch phrase, Ricky? Light me up? Pretty good. Fries and gravy. Get lit!

Yeah, that's pretty good. Get lit! Boys! That's been said a thousand fucking million times. On a lighter? Yes. Who said it? Get lit?

Snoop Dogg probably said it. I bet you didn't. What if he didn't? It's the fucking best logo you can have. I'll run it through the company. Get lit. I like it. Well, it is kind of cool.

Wow, I hope someday I get fuckin' Jack. I'd like to make 20 bucks. Well boys, you know what? Like I said, it's not all about the money. When you get things like this out, it's not all about the money. It's just like- Mostly.

Well, Mo's gonna grow up and he's gonna say, hey, that's my grandfather's handbook. Okay, so if it's not about the money, then why don't you sign over your half to me? Cause I didn't even get a half yet. I didn't get a cent yet. Wow. We need some better advertising.

Do you guys see that new Jaguar commercial everyone's talking about? No. No, man. Cars? Maybe. You don't know. It's fucking weird. What is it?

Just a bunch of people in weird, colorful costumes. Weird place. There's no car in the whole commercial. Nothing. Now mention Jaguar. Just at the very end, just comes across the screen. Jaguar. You know what they call it over in England? A Jaguar.

Jaguar. Yep, they do. That's fucked up So what is the point of the commercial? It's just so weird that everybody gets talking about it. Maybe it worked I'm talking about it And you know what we're gonna talk a little bit more about it cuz I got a fucking cool story for you guys You guys remember Steve McQueen? Yeah, these Steve McQueen. Yeah bullet. He was a cool motherfucker Yeah, these Steve McQueen. Yeah, bullet. He was a cool motherfucker Anyway, that guy's figuring this out now. No, no, no, this is a cool story man Because you know, I like to drive fast you guys like you don't yeah

You like to drive fast a little bit my go-karts faster than anything. Okay, you're in this So you're gonna you're gonna totally respect this guy even more now. He lived in this town, right? And he had a girlfriend Anyway, he drove one He You're supposed to suspect him because of that? He drove a Jaguar, Jaguar. What was the kind, KX? XKE? XKE.

Favorite Jaguar. 1963 XKE. The guy loved to speed, so he would say, fuck it, and he would speed all over the fucking place. The cops would be chasing him like every fucking day, like Dukes of Hard style shit and he would get away and they could not catch him. But they would know who he was.

But it doesn't matter for some reason man, it's Steve fucking McQueen, they can't catch him, they can't give him a ticket. So anyway he's doing it. They couldn't just come to his house and say we were just chasing you an hour ago there dick beat. This is like Hollywood fucking back in the day. There probably wasn't a ton of those jaguars around. Exactly.

But anyway, so he's doing this, finally they come out in one day and he had his pregnant girl with him in the car, right? And he's like, oh fuck, sorry officer, yeah I'm just trying to get her to the hospital, she's gonna have her baby. So like, holy shit, and he's like, can you give us an escort?

So they escorted him to the hospital, they get in there, and he fucking, the cop finds out that his girlfriend's only like six months pregnant. He was just bullshitting them. But he got away from the ticket. You've done that, haven't you? He's a good actor.

I think I did it once. But he did not, he was like the fucking- Didn't you convince the cop that Randy was having a baby? It's fucking pretty believable, isn't it? Yeah, that guy was stupid. Those fucking potato sticks are unbelievable. I gotta get these gravy ones, man. These ones are, these ones are a cheesy dill. I can't decide which one I like the best.

I think the cheesy dills might be my favorite. I like the barbecue. Oh yeah. So Ricky drew a pickle throwing, he's throwing the potato sticks into a big boiling pot of cheese and he's saying more peck no dust. More peck no dust. More peck no dust. Look at the artwork. Beautiful drawing. Gorgeous. I'm getting better Mm-hmm Pretty they are getting better. I think this is this fucking ad says $480 Canadian for a coffee. It's a Scottish firm in the UK selling the most expensive cup of

What's it called the fucking coffee? Flat white? Why would you shots? Express all white why would you shots espresso 200 how much money top and layer steam milk and foam artwork for 380 bucks 480 people are fucking people but then I then I realized well I didn't realize just kept reading that you actually get shares in this fucking Company nuts since 180 bucks for 34 shares and then you get a free Well, that's definitely so I'm like, ah fuck that's lean but then at the bottom it says but there's an actual coffee shop in London

It's 265 pounds for a flat weight So what's that? Can you it's500 Canadian. That's a lot, man. That's no shares in the company. That's just one cup of cock for 265 pounds because it's made from rare beans from Okinawa. Okinawa, they got some good beans. Okinawa. I don't give a fuck if they come out of Jack

and the Beanstalks cock. They're not worth that. No, they're not. Seems like a lot not a lot to me and gold and like would it be I don't know What if you had a cop down here like holy fuck linear addicted to $500? I bet you people the people that own that are just sitting in the back room laughing their fucking heads off You know the fucking bad stupid cocks. I just bought one of our coffees for 500 bucks It's probably not even that good, man. Just like wine. It's like a fucking wine. It better make you fucking shoot one in your pants

for that much money. I agree. Yeah, I agree. Right? Or at least give you extra length, girth. Yeah, it should grow your wiener or boys. Should do something. Who knows?

It might blow up. These people could become millionaires because of their fucking coffee shares, man This is a weird Nova Scotia on a national story Nova Scotia dog sitter caught film and only fans content in clients homes with the dog. No. Oh she was just masturbating in their bathrooms and posing up in their pools and shit this woman's like, that's my house. It's misleading, you know,

because when it says she's a dog sitter, it sounds like she may be her and the dog. Yeah, I've heard of those. Apparently there's no animals in her videos. No, she's just robbing one out in the bathroom and the people that own the house somehow were like, that's our dog sitter, that's our bathroom. That's my toothbrush.

Okay, is she getting in trouble or did they just say hey? It's kind of a gray area. It is a gray area. Like I don't know if a crime was committed but. I don't think it would be a crime, what if she rented, she's hired to be in the house. Unless it's like pictures of the family and shit like behind her or she's like tweaking.

I mean I've mastered other people's houses before. I didn't film it. You've mastered it. You've done it in your house, in your trailer. Don't tell me you did it in my trailer, man. Oh my God. Are you serious? There's times when you just.

You don't jerk off in your friend's trailer, man. Tent up frustration and you gotta release it. You live right across the fuckin driveway man for me couldn't wait You can I had to do it. He's cranked off in my shed many times Are you in the shed? Well nights he slept over. Oh, I wake up and I hear the bed creepy cracking Ricky man Fucking no, cracking. Ricky, man. How can? I'm horny, man.

Moony, wonky. I'm right. I guess it's a safe sex. Tom Earnhardt, who did it, dude? Is that what that song's about? I didn't know that. What? Moony, moony.

No. Oh, okay. Moony, moony's about jaspery. No, it's about money, isn't it? Moony, moony, money. Money, money? Money, money, moony, moony. Moony, moony, moony. Maybe it is. Maybe it could be. Money isn't it? Money money money. Money money? Money money money money. Money, money, money.

Maybe it is. Maybe it could be. Those drugs are too strong. Which, the ones we just did? Yeah. No kidding man. Like what kind of a story is this man? A former motorcycle racing star has been traveling the world barefoot for six fucking years

Congratulations, but Congratulations, yeah, is there a picture? There's a picture of the dude. What he looks like. It's like I don't even want to read about this story Yet yet we are talking about it. I Got too much fucking chipdusted fucking deal with this man I got too much fucking chipdusted fucking deal with this man Says here the scientists discovered animals love drinking alcohol as much as humans you're fucking right they do Animal squirrels everything man, I've watched squirrels since water my spider monkeys chimpanzees, especially yeah fermented fruits And they get fucking wrecked get fucking wasted. Yeah All right. This is the guy that's walking around the world barefoot especially these fermented fruits and they just get fucking wrecked. Get fucking wasted. Yeah.

All right, this is the guy that's walking around the world barefoot, just so you guys know. Well, it's good to know. Isn't that great? Why do I give a fuck? I don't. No, no, I'm just giving this guy's, you know. I don't give a screw a nut. I don't care. Does he think he's Jesus? He kinda has a Jesus vibe. He kinda has what I was thinking.

Is that why he's barefoot? Could be. He's like Jesus.. That's what I was thinking. Is that why he's barefoot? Could be. He's like, Jesus. Japanese company that wants human washing machine. All right. Isn't that just a shower? It's no, man. It looks like you could fucking fly in this thing.

A what? Fucking, look at that. What the fuck would be the point of that? You're getting a, it's a good time, man. Tell me you wouldn't wanna take a fucking. What does it do? It washes you, man. It's like a car wash.

It's like a car wash, it looks like a little car. Oh, I would get in that. You'd get into that thing. Tell me people aren't jacking in that thing. It probably jacks you off itself. I'd say so. Might have that feature. Well, if it says it's a washing machine you think all right bubs

Here's a story This is not this is a tragic story Man bleeds death after being scratched by beloved cat We talked to the guy fucking got a scratch and he's dead. Yeah Fuck him with the cat. It's not the cat's fault. He looks like a miserable fuck. That would be a shitty way to cut it. He obviously has a blood coagulation disorder, so he shouldn't have been fucking with the cat in the first place.

You want to see what a killer cat looks like? That's not a killer cat. No, it's not. That's a gorgeous kitty. No, you can see it in his eyes. No, that is a gorgeous, well-adjusted kitty. Cat like that should be put down Yeah, nope that asshole should not be fucking with a cat if he's got a coagulation disease. He just looks fucking miserable man

Looks like an asshole Kitty did nothing wrong All right, I didn't knew where the fucking River that arteries calls. No getcha. Yeah. No what I was probably doing trying to need him To tell me love him and he dug a hole in him Katie's can do that. I forget why I drew the tree The what the tree kind of seems out of place The what the tree with the bug on it. There's a scorpion on the tree.

What were you doing there, Ricky? I don't know. And there's a mouse throwing cheese in and a peckle throwing. It's fun to get wrecked and just draw. Yeah. What did you do on this one, on the barbecue one? That one's not great.

Try my barbecue steaks. Oh, you kinda drew Randy, did you? Potato Randy. Oh, that's Potato Randy. Look. Look at that. Drilling up some shit. Potato Randy.

He's got his little walkie talkie dangling on there. Ha ha. Ha ha. Want some of the other one? This guy's kind of like Randy. He, uh, he went to jail for a year. This is in South Korea because he intentionally got obese, so he wouldn't have to be in the military.

Like a motherfucker. Yeah. That's crazy. Everybody has got to do like 21 or 22 months. Yep, between 18 and 30. Everyone. It doesn't matter if you're a millionaire of fucking billionaire doesn't not matter You gotta do what?

Join the military in South Korea, man He was dudes those fuck that wire band all those little motherfuckers. We're in there now. I get you know what one direction Yeah, no BDS. Yeah BDS What's K-pop? That's for ARK. What do you guys think?

I think maybe that might be a good idea. Kids are fucked these days, man. Maybe it'll be good for them. I don't know. Or maybe it'll fuck them up. It'd be nice if they could just get rid of all the militaries and everybody just relax and party.

Just peace. Peace on earth. Then what do you do when the fucking aliens come? You join forces. All right, is it true that they're now saying, they're now calling them like fucking dangerous? They could be the enemy? Who? The government.

Calling who? A threat. Who? The UAPs, the UFOs, the fucking aliens. Do we know any of them? I don't, they must, man, I'm telling you. But they're saying they could be an international threat. There's machines and. Of course they could be.

It's just people spying on us. You think? I don't think there's actually, we haven't seen any real aliens yet, have we? Tall whites, man. Yeah, tall whites. Nordics or something. We keep talking about this, but I'm fascinated, boys.

I've been fascinated for fucking years, bud. Yeah, and that's why I'm like the way I am right now, because of you. Of course they could be a threat. They think of the technology they have to travel fucking light years to get here. They're fucking warping time and space. So you saw one, you said. Oh yeah, I saw a fucking Uping time and space. So you know, so people- You saw one, you said. Oh yeah, I saw a fucking UAP. A ship.

It was some kind of shit, man. That's freaky, man. It's like a fucking shark flippin' over my head, man. It's not hard for them to hide at night in the dark. This thing was lit up like a motherfucker. See, why would they do that? That's the part I don't understand, yeah. Maybe it was just a big drone.

Maybe they trusted understand, yeah. Maybe it was just a big drone. Maybe they trusted me, man. But why do they need lights on their ship? No, it wasn't a... Yeah, that's what I'm... I know, man. Yeah, they obviously have night vision. Some shit doesn't add up. Doesn't. Maybe it's just one of these fucking spy plane shit that you'd never...

New technology. Not a very good spy plane, it was all lit up. Yeah, we had only a fucking couple hundred feet in the air. Well, it wasn't. It was going super slow. Maybe it was trying to go under the radar though, man. I think you had someone spying on you. Well, they did a fucking, they spent an awful lot of money

to see what the fuck's going on in my trailer. They probably got some good footage. You all banged up. It could be fucking naked. You know what could be? Joe Weider. Supplements, trying to figure out your muscles. You know who it could be?

Leahy. Leahy's back. And he's fucking checking his shows. Guess who's back. Leahy's back. If that was Leahy, that would have been fucking awesome. I wish he was in a spaceship. Two, man. Trying to get wish he was in a spaceship. Me too, man.

Trying to get shots of your wiener. That'd be pretty fucked up. So now what? You gotta stop eating these fucking things. Yeah, get them away from me. I know, get these away from me. Fucking Jesus, I'm gonna turn into a- You know what?

It's almost Christmas time, you cocksuckers. I know. What are we doing? Well, I think all the Christmas shopping has been done. Everybody's gonna be taken care of. Shoppers? Yeah, you know what I mean. Christmas present gathering.

It's more like it. So we've gathered enough for everybody, I believe. Moe's gonna be happy. He got one of those fucking... Don't tell me! All right, you don't need to know That's fine. I like to get I like to get surprised. You're gonna get something. Yeah, you ever you're gonna like this Oh, man, I hope so. It's fine. Do you wanna you're gonna you're gonna fall in love with it

Really? Yeah Came off the container And it's pretty expensive Came off a container And it's pretty expensive Came off a container ship. Mm-hmm Where was it on route? So fucking real man? What what's was it on route from China? Yep going to fucking LA LA Yeah, but I played no no no we got it in the Halifax Harbor at the container place. Oh Well, not us, but you know some people

Hmm very interesting Very interesting someone might have opened it up already Great it hasn't been used well. That's what he saying. Someone might have you better not be a fuck doll He's already had his bird in As if it is just burn it Melted if I was gonna give you a car. I would have to test drive it Exactly or a bicycle just to make sure it worked. All right, boys. I don't want a fucking load covered fuck doll

No, man burn it just trying to throw you in the wrong direction Okay, I like that tech deflecting man. I like that technique. That's we should start a boy band called wrong direction direction That's pretty good That's pretty good, That's pretty good. I guess it wouldn't be a boy band anymore. No. Wrong direction.

Wrong direction. Boys, I'm getting a little too. Drunk, high. Yeah, I'm a little too fucked up to be on the DV, I think. We just, just pretend you're not. You know it's hard with him pointing the fucking camera at me? Well, he's going to be pointing at you. Then he's not there.

We have to be here for a half hour. Can you pretend he's not there? Totally. He's gone. Just left. How do you do that, Ricky? I can see him. You pretend yourself.

Pretend your eyes don't work. That's right. Pretend many things, man. Pretend you're too fucked. OK. Pretend your eyes don't work. That's right. Pretend many things man. Pretend you're too fucked. Okay Pretend him. This is this is a stupid story here. Japanese man has been relying on strangers to let him sleep over for the last Five years like yep, that doesn't seem too difficult What do you mean? I bet you we can go now and say, you know Strike up a conversation and end up staying over because you have no place to live

every day It's possible. You must be a nice guy. How does he do it? He's a trimer. He probably pretends Ricky Does he do things for accommodations? Well, there's a sign here, but I can't read it cuz it's not It's in something probably pretends nobody's there. I Can probably read it. He's been to 500 different homes over the last five years to quit his job how many homes 500 500 sleep what's he do he just backpacks around the fucking Japan man sleepovers and he has a bit of savings but does he know these people please let me stay over tonight that's what the sign says please let me stay over tonight does where the sounds is almost there's always sounds like a serial killer I'm thinking the sign process all do things for accommodations. That's you know what we need a translator man

Yeah, it might say I'll suck whatever you got Yep, so he's saying I'm sucking lick for a bed it's mostly homeowners in need of someone to talk to. Can you imagine that you fucking have nobody to talk to. He's providing a service. He is lonely. Yeah. I don't think it would work over.

It's a lot safer there. Yeah. Here. Fuck. That'd be scary. You should start a business called the Sock and Lick Community Center or the Sock and Lick House sitter. Now there's something we could do with Airbnb

but like free, Airbnb for free. We could get this guy. Airbnb for free? Yeah, that's basically what he's, I don't know. How do you make money on that? I'm trying, there's gotta be a way to make money on that? I'm trying. There's got to be a way to make money on it, man. There's got to be. Fuck. Sponsors?

Well, if you could get him staying over at people's houses, I mean, he could be taking money out of their purse. Right. That's a fucking... Ricky, you should be starting a business. Yeah, but see, your business won't last that long. It's pretty greasy. Once they've come, realized that they're letting someone in their house and the person's taking

shit. Well, no, I was just pointing out that that's probably what you're going to come up with and how stupid it is. Unless you stay at the house and you have hacking skills, you can get into their fucking bank accounts. See? Jesus Christ. That's the business.

That's not a business. That is a business. That's life in prison. See? Jesus Christ. That's the business. That's not a business. That is a business. That's life in prison. All right, Ricky. We should do it, man. We should hit the streets of Japan and fucking 500 homes, make it to 3,000.

That's a lot. We're fucking retired. Robbing the Japanese people. It could be anywhere, really. Actually, let's just... a little closer, maybe Prince Edward Island. It's a small, small community. I don't know if I want to be involved with that business.

See that? All right, I'm doing it myself now. He's coming to his senses. You couldn't do that business by yourself. All right, I gotta go. I gotta fucking leave, boys. I'm done. All right, man. I'm just done.

I gotta do something. I can't believe it's almost Christmas. It's almost Christmas. Let's go get drunk around a bonfire or something. It's nothing to hold on to. Yes. Let's do that. You wanna have a bonfire? I'd have a fucking bonfire.

Let's get a bonfire going. I'll fucking, I've got seven pallets over there I'll junk up fucking good old-fashioned. You got your chainsaw What's that mean it's not working great You know the sharpened chain. Yes, okay I don't and I may have cut through some stuff that wasn't wood. Well like a metal pipe or something. It was a steel barrel some stuff that wasn't wood. Well, like a metal pipe or something? It was a steel barrel.

It didn't work very well. You don't use a chainsaw for that, Rick. You have a recept saw with a steel blade on it. I thought it would work. I was wrong. Fuck the chainsaw. It's for the sparks. Pallet fire, man. We'll make a big fucking... All right, we'll burn the cocksucker's hole.

Like Burning Man. I know. I'll come up with a way to cut stuff. No, we don't need to. We'll burn the wholecksucker's hall like burning man. I know I'll come up with way to cut stuff No, we don't need to we'll burn the whole palette. Okay. We're having a palette bonfire. I hope everybody's what about an electric knife? Oh, you want me to cook a turkey in the deep fryer? Let's deep fry a turkey Shouldn't we wait till like five more days? No, we have we'll have a day and another one Exactly. We'll have an appetizer turkey. I like it. Maybe some duck.

Can you go down and get a turkey? I'll get you a turkey. Turkey sandwiches next five days, boys. Now there's a turkey. To watch the video version of Park After Dark in my fucking trailer, go to Swernet.com or download the Swernet Trailer Park Boys app. Fuck off.