Trailer Park Boys Presents: Park After Dark - Episode 32 - JP Cormier

Episode Date: March 10, 2016

The Boys are joined by Canadian musician, singer, and tall tale-teller, JP Cormier! They discuss vagina corks, toilet alligators, dumb cats, and JP plays some finger-pickin' good tunes! Episode 32 is brought to you by Jukasa vapor products. Jukasaaaaa!!      

No, I'll tell you right now, even if you shit yourself, we're not stopping. We go right through, there's no editing. Really? Yes. So, sorry, but we're going now. It's too late to use it. Okay, Julian? All right, are we, is this, are we on right now? Yes. When are. Okay, Julian? All right, are we on right now? Yes. When are we starting, boys? Hey, what's going on, motherfuckers? Trailer Perp Boys official podcast coming at you.

Which number? 51. 31. No, it's 31. 32. Yes, and in the kitchen with us today, fucking singer, songwriter, demigod, J.P. Cormier, guitar picker, fucking best guitar picker I've ever heard. He is bad, badass.

How you doing? It's good to be here, boys. Yeah? Oh, yeah. Excellent. Awesome. Love it. Yes, you got a beer there?

Yeah, we're all set, yep. All right, everybody say cheers. We should cheers. We should congratulate him on the fucking Juno nomination. Just a sec, before we get into that stuff, do you do the old vape thing? I've been known to. Okay, Ricky, get that thing over here. What are you talking about? Just the vape pen.

This is mine. Then let him use it, man. No, you're not giving us any of this shit. This is for the one you gave me. This is for cheers, okay him use it, man. No, you're not giving us any of this shit. It's the only one you gave me. This is for our cheers, okay? He's a guest. Johnny, we're right in the middle of introducing the man. You're fucking talking about his nomination and then you're talking about this even just

fake shit. Alright, now, cheers. Unbelievable. See, he's got a greasy deal worked out with a sponsor and he just, he doesn't care. He just, you know, forces people into his grief. It's called being a good host. So we just cheers the fact that he got nominated for a Juno.

Fucking amazing. For which category? Traditional, Roots? Roots Traditional. Album of the Year. Album of the Year. Album of the Year. That's not fucking around right there.

Decent. I got lucky. And the album's called... The Chance. Chance. The Chance. It came out when? Not long ago. A few months ago. Decent. I got lucky. Decent. And the album's called? The Chance. The Chance. And it came out when?

Uh, not long ago. A few months ago. Decent. Right on. Decent. Maybe three copies of that will be flying around later. I'll try to work it out for you. That'd be awesome.

See that, Julian? See that? What? I got us all something. Not just... Just what? Something for myself, like you're doing. What are you talking about?

I just got us three copies of his record. Or ten if he wants to. This kind of smells like ass. I'll gladly take that fucking thing back. Oh, that's yours? This just comes in a bunch of flavors and shit, man. You just dump the shit in, flick the button, vapor up.

You better wash that thing. I don't know where that was, but I wouldn't be wrapping my lips around it. Clears out the sinuses. Yes, we'll do that. Ricky, what are you doing? I was trying to get

my health on with these fruit subs. The what? Fruit-sups. Fruit-subs? Fruit-sup. Fruit-sup. Fruit-sup.

It's called a fruit cop, Racky. What's that? It's called a fruit cop. See the cop it's in? That's a fruit cop. It's not fruit-sup. Jesus Christ. Wish I had a fruit cup. It's not fruits up. Jesus Christ, Ricky. Wish I had a fucking spoon. This fork is not really working well.

Now, Lucy's trying to get me to be a bit more healthy eating my fruits and vegetables. Well, that's just, that's just show you, man. Didn't mean to interrupt your little fucking show, Julian. I'm just trying to fucking eat some fruit. You know what? We're trying to interview the man about his music, and you're over here fucking eating fruit sups. What the fuck, Ricky? Come on. Don't fucking pay attention to me. Just interview the man. You're fucking like an idiot. Ricky.

There's people at home that can't see this right now. They can only hear it. Ricky has started to eat a fruit cup using an old, tarnished fucking trophy. A shuttlecock badminton trophy. So he's eating fruit out of a shuttlecock. He's eating fruit out of a shuttlecock. A metal shuttlecock. Better a shuttlecock than a real cock, I guess.

He's got a point there. Ricky, let me just ask you this. What? You're taking this device, which has got a fucking, you know, diameter of about two inches. It's a trophy shovel. And you're sticking it into your fruit cup to scoop up the fruit. And this is almost as big as this. Why don't you just take this and tip it into your mouth? See?

There it is. There it is, folks. There what is? Just you. I don't know how you come up with some of that shit, man. Fucking smart. Boys, can we get on with the interview here? Let's get some questions going.

Okay, when did you start playing the guitar? That's a good question. When I was five. Right on. Yeah. I started playing when I was five, too. Did you? I just didn't excel quite to the level of yourself.

I've seen you rock out, man. I know you can pick. I can. I can pick. Oh, yeah, man. Will you do like I didn't? We're not going to get right into it yet, but just rip off like a quick little... Just so-do-do-do-do-do.

Just so people know what the fuck we're dealing with here. All right. What the fuck was that all about? Holy fuck. Bob, you're pretty good, but you're not that fast. No. Well, he said to play fast. No, no, that's exactly what I wanted. We're under a schedule.

We've got time. People here now, you know, because there's probably some people listening over in Europe that are saying, who's this guy? Who's that le guy? Who's this guy? And then they just heard that and they're like, holy fuck! Who's that guy that's trying to look like Ricky? Ricky.

I told you. Where'd you get my shirt at anyway? My shirt. I told you to fucking just drop it. No, I know, but a lot of people were saying that he's trying to look like me. I mean, now I see him, I see there's a bit of it. I don't know. You know what?

I used to, I had to cut my hair because of him. I had to cut all my, I cut my hair. I used to have hair just, he looks like me. I was walking up the street all the time. Yeah, who said? People yelling at me, hey, Ricky, hey, Ricky. Oh, no. Fuck.

Are you serious, man? Yeah, man, all the time, years ago. Okay, well, who are... Maybe it's just one of those weird little things, like, what came first, the chicken or its legs? You mean the egg, right? Chicken or the egg. Well, no, Ricky, I think he actually means what came first, the chicken or its legs. Well, could be, yeah.

Never know. What do you think the answer is, Ricky? I'm curious. That's the thing yeah. Never know. What do you think the answer is, Ricky? I'm curious. That's the thing you don't know. No, but if you were to try to figure it out, what would you guess? It's hard to say, because a chicken, I don't know how they work, but maybe a chicken starts with its legs and grows into a chicken, or maybe it just goes, bam, and the whole chicken's there,

so you don't really know. So maybe it's just a cool... Did you just start out just as legs, maybe? Cool. Just legs? Grew off your legs. Maybe. Is that how babies could start out as legs? Or a hand? Or a fucking head? I don't fucking know. And they just grow everything else out.

Like a starfish. Ricky, they don't start off, like, growing as legs inside of... You know, that's not how... it's like the brain or something. Okay. Like a starfish? How do you imagine a starfish? What's he do, Ricky? What's he start out as?

Fuck, that's a good one. Probably a sand dollar. You gotta be fucking kidding me. Um, okay. Boy, boy. Well, I told you he wasn't all, you know. I know. Did you guys...

I still want my shirt back. Did you guys want to talk about anything? Because I brought some stuff this week. Yes, I'd love to hear what you... Because I don't see you guys, you know, having anything prepared, as usual. All mine's up here, Ricky. It's all stored up here.

Well, once again, I'll carry this pot cash. Okay. Did you hear about the woman accused of smuggling a half pound of cocaine in her vagina? It's quite a thing. No. No. Yeah. What's the story there?

She's Kira Thompson. She's flying from fucking Kingston, Jamaica. Big surprise. Leading to Kennedy Airport. And I don't know how she got busted if, you know... Like, how did they catch her? What did she have? She had a half pound of cocaine in her vagina.

Half a pound of cocaine? It was in some kind of an egg. How much would a half pound of cocaine be? Like, would that be a... Pretty big. I don't know. It'd be pretty big, right? That big? Minus the M&Ms? Like this thing right here?

Yeah. Something like that. Okay, that... It was like an egg, so it wouldn't have hurt as much as shoving that up there, I guess. Might be kind of soft, too. It's just powder. But how did they catch her is what I want to know. Drug dogs, man. Drug dogs. Oh, fuck. Okay. I forgot about the dogs.

Yeah. You'd think a vagina would seal that right off, though, and you wouldn't smell anything. Why would you think that, giant would seal that right off though and you wouldn't smell anything why would you think that Ricky what do you mean Ricky you mean if you pop her in there it would just go just depends on the size of the woman in the size of the vagina I guess but anyway... Anyway. She got an awful hole over there, doesn't she? Yeah, I mean, she could use a cork or something. It was just gonna drop out. A cork. A cork.

Vagina cork. Basically, yes. They should sell those drug smugglers' vagina cork. Oh, yeah, that'd be a great thing. Go pitch to Walmart, Ricky. see if they'll take that. It's marinated in coffee beans. Drugs, smugglers, vagina cork.

We can't talk about that. Was that creepy stuff that we did before? I don't know, but I feel... I'm super fucked. Why don't you just say, is that creepy stuff we did before? Creep stuff. Creepy weed. Creep, creep, no. Why is it? I'm super fucked. What did you just say? Is that creepy stuff we did before? Creep stuff. Creepy weed. Creep, creep. Oh, I thought you meant you were trying to put your fingers in them or something.

No, man. Well, all I heard was, is that creepy stuff we did before? I was trying to hide my condoms. We're smoking joints. It's extra creepy now that you brought it up. People know that's what you were trying to do. You guys not trying to make passes at each other?

Sticking with the drug theme, this is pretty fucked. A couple drug deals in Amsterdam, they were using two crocodiles to protect their cash. Had two crocodiles in this big fucking cage and had half, or 300,000 euros, whatever the fuck those

are. What are euros? Money, Ricky. Money, man. 300,000 of them whatever the fuck those are. What are Europes or Euros? Money, Ricky. Money, man. 300,000 and a fucking cage of crocodiles. I wouldn't be going in there. 300,000 would be about what? 750,000 Canadian? Yeah, something like that.

About two times. It's a good idea, though. We should get a couple crocodiles. Where the fuck would we get a couple crocodiles? You can order them in, I heard, at the pet store. I think they're alligators, not crocodiles. You can't fucking order alligators or crocodiles at the pet store. Why? It's a fucking lizard.

Ricky, the fucking things are 15 feet long. No, they're babies. You can eat a fucking horse. They're only about that long when they're babies. We're talking like big motherfuckers, though. If they were guarding the cocaine, they must have been... These were big ones, yeah, but you wouldn't eat full-grown ones. You could have ones like Cory's size.

Better to have an alligator than Cory protecting them. Haven't you ever heard about the gators down in the sewers? Because the people get the baby gators and they don't want them no more. So they fluff them down the toilet. I thought that was a myth. No. They'll come right up and bite you in the ass when you're in the toilet. Jesus. It's horrible. Oh, don't fucking tell me this. Now I'm not gonna be able to poop.

It's true. I'm telling you. I think that's down south or something. Well, I saw it once. I don't know. I don't know, man. Do you have a favorite, like favorite touring story or tour memory? Oh, well, mostly probably my favorite place to tour is Scotland. Oh, yeah? I love it over there because they get lots of beer.

Have we been to Scotland? We have been to Scotland. It's a very beer-oriented society. Yeah. Yeah. I love Scotland, too. Oh, yeah. We went to a castle when we were over there.

Where were we in Scotland? Glasgow. Yeah, I didn't know. Okay, they're the same. Okay. Yes, Ricky. Glasgow is a city, Ricky, in Scotland. Okay.

And you said that Nova Scotia means... New Scotland. New Scotland, yeah, that's right. So that's kind of cool. And there's a town called New Glasgow, too. New Glasgow, New Scotland. New Scotland, yeah, that's right. So that's kind of cool. And there's a town called New Glasgow, too. New Glasgow, New Scotland. Very confusing. So you like Scotland the best, though?

Yeah, well, I mean, Canada's amazing, too. Oh, absolutely. I tour from one side to the other twice or three times a year, so. But I love Scotland. I think when he was asking you for favorite tour story, I think he was looking for, you know, something crazy. Well, you know, things have happened. Maybe stuff you can't say.

Things have happened. You probably can't repeat it on the air, Ricky. Good point. You know, dirty stuff. Well, yeah. Guaranteed. Yeah. I got locked in a porter potty at the Stan Rogers Festival once.

For how long? Oh, a couple days. A couple days. Guaranteed. Yeah. I got locked in a porter potty at the Stan Rogers Festival once. For how long? Oh, a couple days. A couple days. That's pretty funny. But I went in there with a six pack, so I was alright. Jesus. Yeah, I guess those would be the last things they haul out of places like that, eh?

Yeah, yeah. The last thing they haul out of places like that is your mother. That was mean, man. That was low. That was a low blow. But it was funny, though. They just find her there. They just drop the truck to her. Holler out by the ankles.

That's not a very nice thing to say, Bubz. Oh, you would have said it if you hadn't thought of it. It's been a long time since I talked to her. If you hadn't thought of it. Bubz, did you bring your guitar? it. I wouldn't know what you're saying to me. Did you bring your guitar? No, I didn't bring my guitar. I guess it's probably a good thing. She wouldn't look very good next to him, I guess.

But I didn't know if you guys wanted to play. Come on now. No, I want to hear him play. You want to play us a fucking... play us a number? Right on. Can you play us a number? Right on. I'll play you one here. What's this baby called?

This is a few bubbles. This is called the Cannonball Rag. guitar solo Yeah. guitar solo That was fucking amazing. Holy fuck. That's called what? The Cannonball Rag. Cannonball Rag. That's for you, Bubs. Jesus, Murphy, that was fantastic.

Crazy pecking. What's the story behind that one? Well, no. Did you write that? No, it's old PD, but public domain. But it comes from the old guitar player, What's the story behind that one? Well... Did you write that? No, it's old PD, but... Public domain, but it comes from the old guitar players like Merle Travis and... Oh yeah?

Chet Atkins and all those guys I listened to when I was a kid, you know? Decent. Yeah. Decent. I still love playing it now. Cannonball Rag. Cannonball Rag. Write that down, Ricky.

What is it? Cannonball Rag. I'm going to try to... He's drawing a snake. Rick, what the fuck are you drawing a snake for, man? I was just drawing it for a motel. Ricky has a grandson named Motel. It was a bit of a fuck-up at the hospital. Filling out the paperwork.

Jacob, not that smart. You know, it says name and he sees address. Motel. Writes in the motel and then next thing you know, baby's legally called the motel. Yep, Jacob's a fucking idiot. Looks like that girl was named Absada in New York City. A-B-C-D-E.

Oh, really? This is a true story. Absada. Absada? That's really fucked up. Yep. And a Shola. That's a true story. Absinthe. Absinthe. Yeah. That's really fucked up. Yeah. And a Shola.

That's a true story, too. A Shola. A Shola? A-S-S-H-O-L-E. A Shola. It's absolutely true. I sit here right now and tell you that's true. A Shola. Yeah.

A Shola and Absinthe. That's fucked up. They weren't related, were they? No. But how tired would you have to be to name a kid absentee? What are you naming him? Uh, A-B-T-D-E. Fuck it.

Yeah, I'd say the person was pretty... Yeah, he was banged up on something. Yeah. Banged up for just maybe the worst parent ever. Yeah, could be. Actually doesn't give a fuck. I mean, the motel's right up there with those, Bob, so... Yeah, that's sort of an awesome position.

Yeah. You know what would be a bad one to do? Just say, you know what? Surprise me. Surprise me. That's probably happened. Surprise me. Call them anything you want. Yeah.

Make me guess. Yeah. I don't really have much here. I guess I was a little more fucked up when I was looking at this shit. But we could talk about this woman in Conception Bay, Newfoundland. This is a funny story. What happened there? She told us she's got to get rid of her chickens. What?

Yeah, her neighbors are fucking pissed off because her chickens are balking all the time, I guess. Run around. So the fucking people went there with the cops, said, you got to get rid of your chickens. She said, well, they helped lower my grocery bill. So it's a fucking bit of a catch-23. I don't know If there was chickens barking around at me drive me fucking nuts I'd either have her move her chickens or I'd kill the fucking thing

So it's probably safer for the chickens to go. She's gonna kill them anyway Ricky She's going to kill them anyway. Ricky, what a fuck up story. It's kind of depressing. Why would you... You came up with that piece of shit story? I think... With a bunch of chickens? I think it raises a very important question.

In the history of the world, what came first, chicken or its legs? There you go. Question for the ages. We still haven't figured it out, have we, Ricky? It's like a chicken podcast. You'll like this one, bubs. What? A fucking cat got stuck in someone's bumper down in San Diego.

San Diego? San Diego. He got stuck in the bumper. Stuck in the fucking bumper, and this chick was driving around Ego. San Diego? San Diego. He got stuck in the bumper. Stuck in the fucking bumper and this chick was driving around for eight miles before people could flag her down. So you got a fucking cat sticking out of your bumper. And he was hanging like this on the front bumper. It's polished but just far from the pavement.

What's he doing? He wasn't... He's fine. He walked away. No problem at all. Thank fuck. If you had just told me a story about some poor kitty that got mulched on the highway... I'm just kidding. He died. Sorry. Good lord. No, I'm just joking.

He was fine. Ricky, what is it? He's fine. Stop fucking with me. He shouldn't be doing it to bubbles. I don't know if he's fine in the head after that. I imagine he's fucking thinking... Stuck over a bump like this, flying around, fucking. He's a little freaked out.

Ricky, you've done it. You turned out fine. Anyway, he's all right, buddy. He didn't get his head cut off or anything like that. How'd he get in there? He must have been in the black hole. Well, you know how dumb cats are. He's probably got the hole going.

I bet I could fucking get through that fucking thing. Cats aren't dumb. What are you talking about? Well, your cats are smart, I you know how dumb cats are. He's probably got the hole going, I bet I could fucking fit through that fucking thing. Cats aren't dumb. What are you talking about? Well, your cats are smart, I guess. You say they are. Most cats aren't as smart as they're dumb. He'd be looking at the hole going, I bet I could fucking fit through that fucking thing.

He jumps up, fucking gets out of his seat, he's like, no. Ricky, you've done that. Right. I've seen you try to fit through holes you can't fit through. Well, cats, same thing. No, cats don't do that. You know what whiskers are for, Ricky? A cat can tell what try to fit through holes you can't fit through. Well, cats, same thing. No, cats don't do that. You know what whiskers are for, Ricky?

A cat can tell what he can fit through because he can gauge it with his fucking whiskers. Well, maybe they got melted off when he was smoking a joint or something. He couldn't gauge anything properly. He's trying to feel it, going, that hole's bigger than me. Nope. So you think the cat melted his whiskers off smoking a joint, and that's how he ended up misjudging the fucking distance between the car and the bumper. It's one possibility, isn't it?

No. It's not a possibility. It's fucked. It is fucked. The cat wouldn't melt his fucking whiskers off. The learning reason of this is you guys should be bringing more shit. Be prepared. Because you don't like any of my shit. You think it's fucking weird. No, I like all the stuff you come up with.

Just not bad kiddie stories. That's all. Is he like the news director for this thing? No, but we let him, you know. Julian fucking tries to run the show sometimes. It's always fucked. It turns into talking aboutcks and... What the fuck are you talking about? How attracted he is to different movie stars, men, everything else. Ricky, what's that?

Oh, that's just something that... Muscle juice? Let me see that. What? Let me see what you just had. What's in that bag? It's just a few things that were sent down to me, okay? What the fuck is that? Things to try out.

Oh, you're getting free stuff from them, but not... Well, you know, I just did. I want a jug of that. I don't even know what that is, but I want a jug of it. You're not... We don't get any of this shit. Tape and juice. Because I'm gonna... There's a guy that wants them at this convenience store up the road.

He's gonna try them out. And he's gonna get back to me. So you're gonna... So they sent us products to promote, and you're gonna sell convenience store up the road. He's gonna try them out, and he's gonna get back to me. So they sent us products to promote, and you're gonna sell them and take the money. How does that work? Well, I'm gonna go up and talk to the guy, see if he's interested in trying them out.

Here's the deal, I'm not smoking this anymore until I get a fucking jug that big. What else is in there? I already showed you, man, a bunch of boxes, a bunch of pens, you know. Oh, maybe I could use a fucking pen. Did you ever think that? Well, I'll...

Maybe tomorrow, okay? Can I get back to you tomorrow on this? Hand it over. Just tomorrow. I want to see it. Bobs, I know you're gonna take it. I'm not. Just can I give it to you tomorrow?

Can I see it? Yeah, sure. Oh, yeah, look. Six. No. No, I'm... He took it away from me. Just let me, I want to read. You just snatched it up.

I know what you did. Oh, that's mine. I'm getting that. All right, here's a little bit of stuff. You want to read up on it yourself? I've got one more. I don't think this one's done. This one might be cool even for Julian.

The headline was, Gold bar found in bathroom during renovation. I think the headline should have been either this. Dumb as fuck or good Samoan. Because what happened was this plumber goes in, finds a fucking gold bar. Yeah. Okay, keep going. Good Samoan.

This happened to me. Okay, so this guy goes into this apartment. He's renovating the eat. This happened to me. Don't eat. Okay, so this guy goes into this apartment. He's renovating the bathroom, finds a fucking gold bar. Okay. Somewhere in the wall. And he tells them about it. I mean, I guess.

They might have put the gold bar in there to see if they had an honest plumber or not. I never thought of that. But if it is actually a real gold bar, fuck it. Try to get the thing out of there anyway. Well, I don't know. I mean, I guess he's, like I said, a good Samoan or just a good person. But I probably would have been like, holy fuck, boys. There's a fucking gold bar in here.

Let's get the fuck out of here now. Good Samoan. Yeah, but you know what? It might have been a sting operation. They might have had a camera, hidden camera, to see if he was going to try to steal. Then next thing you know, boom. You're in 2020. What a fucking... That's quite a little test, though.

W-5. W-5. That would be a good test. Cock suckers that fuck you. I guess that's not a great name. I probably couldn't call it that. That'd never pass. That sounds like a porno.

Yeah, that'd never get passed. Really, Ricky? Yeah. Yeah, have you seen that new show? Cock, Sockers, and Fuck You? It just sucks when you pay people money and they do fuck you over. But you get Jones, you get Holmes. What's his name?

No, you know what it should be called. Holmes. Oh, Holmes. Mike Holmes. Yeah, Mike Holmes. The show should be called Preck Job. It's still a porno. Yeah.

No, it's not. Preck Job's not a porno. Preck Job. It's still a porno. Yeah. No, it's not. Prec Job's not a porno. Prec Job is you hide things in the walls, and you bring in construction contractors, and you let them find them, and then you see if they steal it or not. Prec Job. All right, let's do that then.

I'll try to set that up. We may make some money off that. Would you host Prec Job? Yeah, I would. Would'll try to set that up. We may make some money off that. Would you host Breckjaw? Yeah, I would. Would you? Oh, hell yeah. As long as me and Ricky are the guys that get to sneak in the place and hide the shit for them to find. We'd become a fucking team.

Like the clandestine, clam, whatever. Don't tell me you fuck words up too. We should be allowed to fucking beat the fuck out of them too. Yeah, yeah. At the end. With like bats and stuff. The homeowner's allowed to beat the fuck out of them, too. Yeah, yeah. At the end. With, like, bats and stuff. Well, the homeowner's allowed to kick the shit out of them. No, we hold them down for the homeowner.

Yeah. That's it. Let the kids get in on it. Kids fucking kicking them in the face. The show should be called How to Catch a Contractor. Right there. That exists, man. What?

There is a show called that. I think so. We can subtitle it Prick Job. Yeah. How to Catch a Contractor in brackets. Tonight on Prick Job. Yeah. With your host.

So there already is that show? I don't know. Catch a Contractor, yeah. Well, it exists. Certainly burst our bubble. Aren't you fucking glad you came on this show, aren't you? Yeah. This is very interesting.

The only good thing about this was listening to him play. The rest of it sucked. So, I don't know. I enjoyed myself. I had a pretty good fucking time. We're not done, are we? I hope not. I hope we can at least hear another song.

I think you should rip off another tune. Well, we're gonna do that then. Let's see here. Pick us a... J.P. Cormier, right here. If I can get into my own pants. Julian? Come in.

Why don't you get into his pants? Julian, dig in there. Julian was too nervous to ask you earlier, buddy. He was wondering if you could play one with no pants on. You're digging there. Julian was too nervous to ask you earlier, but he was wondering if you could play one with no bands on. What are we hearing now? What are you playing for us? I'll play some jigs for you. What kind of guitar have you got there? This is a Stonebridge. Stonebridge. Stonebridge.

It's actually made by the owner of the company. His name is Furk. He's from Czechoslovakia. Furk. Not a lot of his guitars actually get over here with his name on them. Oh, yeah? This one did. You know why?

Because if you look at that right close, I know your eyes ain't good, though. If you look at that right close. Oh, no, I can see perfectly. If you look at that really fast, I know your eyes ain't good though, but if you look at that right close. Oh no, I can see perfectly. No, if you look at that really fast, it looks like fuck. Oh yeah. So they had to change the name to Stonebridge for Canada. Because he shouldn't tell people to go furk themselves if they don't like his guitar. Go on, pups.

So there you go. So what's the song? This is an old set of jigs from up home in Cape Breton called the Chorus Jig. And I might play another jig I wrote called the Cue Jig. We'll rename it the Kitty Jig for the purposes of this podcast. Jig it up. guitar solo guitar solo guitar solo guitar solo That's Murphy. That's fucking amazing.

All the little tricks. What's he start? Just like, well, just, you know, he's making it sound like the bagpipes. That's what he's doing. Yes. Right? The little...

That's right. So I may have to permanently rename that second tune now for you. That'll be the Kitty Jake. Kitty Jake, right there. Nice. I'm drinking music. Yeah, man. I'll have to permanently rename that second tune now for you. That'll be the Kitty Jake. Kitty Jake, right there. Nice. I'm drinking music. Yeah, man.

I'll have you on. I do a show called Guitar Lessons with Bubbles. Maybe I'll have you on that. Sweet. And you can teach me how to play it. Yeah, man. I don't know how you can listen to that and not want to get in a fucking fist fight. Yeah, well, yeah.

That music gets you fired up. You know, in Cape Breton, I went to a fight one night and the dance broke out. True story. True story. True story. True story. Go to the fights and the dance breaks out. Yeah, sir.

Yeah. And then everybody goes, what are we doing dancing? Did we get too high or something? Yeah. It could happen. Ricky, what are you doing? Nothing, bubs. Still drawing the same fucking snake.

Just fucking around, guys. Let me see it. Just a second now. Come on, let's see the snake. I'm just seeing if there's anything else we can talk about. I don't think so. I want to see the snake you've been working on. I had this thing, but I don't believe it.

Is there anything on there about how you stole my shirt? Katy Perry is JonBenet Ramsey. I don't think we want to talk about that. Jesus. Don't even say that. What did he say? What was that? I missed it.

There's conspireless theories that Katy Perry is actually John Bonet. And she never died. It doesn't make any sense. That's why I didn't want to talk about it. Yeah, that's fucked. I mean, sure, there must be pictures of different parents. I think they're different ages, even, maybe. Ricky, that's just some nutcase talking on the interweb. That's all that is.

I didn't want to bring it up, but you guys had nothing. What the fuck is all over this now? Okay, so listen, when are the Junos? Tell people when the Junos are. The Junos are the 3rd of April. 3rd of April? In Calgary. You are nominated. Everybody tune in.

Yep. Watch J.P. Cormier. Fucking clean sweeper. You better win or there's going to be trouble. We're going out for it, too. We're flying out for it. Oh, nice. Nice.

Imagine that'll be a ripper. Oh, yeah. In and out. We should be going out there, too, boys. It's an awesome party. It is. And I'm playing up there the night before, too. On the Friday going out there too, boys. It's like a... it's an awesome party. It is. And I'm playing up there the night before too. On the Friday night at the Ironwood Grill.

I'd love to see you play more, man. Two songs was just a tease. Kind of like Julian's mother. Ricky. Stop talking about my mother. You're taking it hard today. I know, like what? Like you started what?

Two weeks ago talking about my mom all the time? Well, none of us really know who our mothers are, so that's why we make fun of them and get away with it, I guess. Well, we know about your mother, Tammy. No, we don't. The biggest whore. Julian. In this neck of the woods, anyway.

That's nice talk. Maybe in all of the land of Canada. Yeah, that's great. Julian. What, man? She was pretty dirty. Don't. That's terrible.

I just say that. Many truck stops with Tammy. I just say that's... Many truck stops with Tammy. I just say that's not joking around, but what you're talking about's true. Exactly. So it's meaner. It's not really mean... No, it's the truth. Okay, boys, come on now. Company. You got company, eh?

That's right. Keep fighting now. I don't get to oversee you much, you know. Jesus. I can't even believe you came to see us. We're... Oh, man, I wouldn't have missed it for the world. We're pretty lucky for sure. Let me see this picture, Ricky. I'll show it to you after. I think everybody should see the snake or worm or slash, whatever that is.

If he wants to see the fucking snake, at least give him that. I drew it for kids, right? So it's for kids just to teach them the colors and stuff. It's probably not a real snake. It does look like a real snake. Here we go. Hold that up there. Yeah.

Is that a shoe? No, that's a... Holy shit, that's a dick. It drew a dick on the snake. Well, snakes must have them. He's got a snake dick. What does it say? It's a Donald.

It kind of looks like Ronald McDonald. I call him the red and yellow bastard devil poison snake. Red and yellow bastard devil poison snake. With a dick. But it's got different colors to teach the motel, right? It looks like Ronald McDonald's socks. There's red, and I'll be like, hey, motel, do you see any green on there anywhere? Why'd you throw the dick on it?

He doesn't need to know that shit right now, man. If you saw a fucking picture of a naked you, it would have one on there. Ricky, no. That's a snake. You don't see it anyway. It's all fucking wrapped up in the scales. It just retracts up inside. It's just like, you know.

Maybe he just saw it. How come you know where a snake's cock is, dude? I just think they fucking, you know, slither around, man. Can you imagine if it was sticking out and going on the ground? It'd be dragging around the ground. I never thought about this as shit. Oh, man. Oh, yeah.

It'd be like. It'd be rubbed right off. So it must be tracked. Like landing gear on a plane. Yeah. It must because he couldn't have her hanging down there. He'd be catching it on branches. No, Jesus.

It'd be ripped off in the gravel. Oh, yeah. It'd be bent back the wrong way. Oh, yeah, four meters. There's no way, man. It's like those things in the... Come up to the side of his belly all the time. Aircraft carriers.

The thing comes down and locks on the thing. There you go. It'll stop you, man. The tail hook will stop you down. Maybe it's used as a brake, alternatively. Maybe. If it's going downhill, you get slithered into a fact. Pops it out there.

Drops the brake. It's like a kickstand. it gets slithered into a patch. Pops it out there. Drops the brake. It's like a kickstand. Yeah. Grinds her to a halt. That's probably grate up some of the meat on it, though. Yeah. It'd be a tough call. Probably what? It won't get grated up.

It won't get grated up? It would if you're going too fast. Like, do I pull it out and get my cock graded? Or do I leave it retracted like the landing gear and fucking just crash into something? Crash into the fucking swamp. Well, what if you're hitting for a brick wall? And you gotta choose between your face and your dick. You'd have to drop the landing gear for that, I would say.

You'd just smash into the wall face first. I don't think the fucking snake has the ability to just drop the landing gear, man. To keep it from smashing into a wall. Have you ever checked?'t think i think he probably does too actually it's coming out because it wants to bang okay it that's all it wants to do with that thing not slow it down you don't know that you're not a snake expert might be a multi-purpose tool boys you're not a snake expert maybe you can even play guitar with it you show me a piece of paper that says you're an expert on snake cocks and I'll listen to you. For fuck's sakes, boys. Alright, well...

It was a good picture, Ricky. It's been interesting. Yes, are we all... are we wrapping her up? No, what do you think? Well, I don't know. I think we should. Let's wrap her up in the UK. I need some more drinks.

You should roll us up something and... J.P. Cormier, thanks for being here. Yeah, fucking amazing. Hope you win that god damn journal award. Cheers. Cheers, cheers. Cheers, you dicks. Yeah.

Maybe you should play us out something. Fastest fucking thing you can play. Something fierce. Maybe at this speed. Thanks for listening to the podcast today, everybody. We're going to get fucking made out of here now. Fuck! That was awesome. Decent.