Trailer Park Boys Presents: Park After Dark - Episode 33 - I'm Not The Liquor

Episode Date: January 8, 2024

New Year, New F**kin' You! Bubbles quit the liquor and is taking up yoga... how long is that gonna last? Julian thinks 2024 is the year the Boys finally get rich - is a driveway money-making scam the answer? Ricky also has a story that's gonna make you squirmish!

To watch the video version of Park After Dark in my fucking trailer, go to SwearNet.com or download the SwearNet Trailer Park Boys app. Fuck off. How's everybody feeling? We all recovered from the big fucking New Year's festivities? Well, that was a fucking run, boys. That was a lot of booze, a lot of mushrooms, a lot of dope. I quit drinking. You quit drinking? Yes, I did.

You're not drinking in how long? Oh, 24. 2024, I'm just chewing on tinfoil from now on. Bob, you're not going to quit fucking drinking. Don't be one of those people. I am quitting. Just drugs? No, I'm quitting it all, Ricky.

Fuck. Giving it up. I could probably quit drinking, but... I'm just going to have tinfoil steaks. I shouldn't think I could never give up. Do yoga and meditate now? Is that going to be your fun? I think so.

Yes. Well, that's good for you, man. Maybe you should do that. Might get into yoga. Chair yoga. I heard that's a big thing now. Chair yoga's the big rage. What?

Yeah. Just do it sitting in a chair. You don't need to get on the floor and get into all those crazy positions. What the fuck is chair? Well, show me some moves. I saw it on the smart box. Show me. What do you do? I haven't got into it yet, but I heard it's the rage.

Show us some poses. Oh, you would just, you know, do stuff like this. This type of thing. This is Bob's. You know, stretching. So you're just gonna turn into a fucking weirdo then. Couple of these. No drinking, no partying, no nothing.

Hold my finger. No, man.ying, no nothing? Hold my finger. No, man. No, it's a stretch for yoga. I'm not touching your fingers, man. It's a stretch for yoga. Well... I think it's ridiculous. We'll see. I'm gonna quit for a day and see how it goes.

Quit yoga or quit drinking? Quit drinking and drugs for today. Do you have like a little get up you got that you're gonna wear for your chair yoga? Is that a thing or metals or crystals? I might get one of those tight, super tight workout one piece. You know what? Like John Travolta used to have.

We should fucking, you know what we should do? You should put videos out on the social media platforms there of you doing yoga things. Like progress. With your little suit on. Instead of a suit of you doing yoga things. Like progress. With your little suit on. Instead of a suit, you should just cover yourself in body paint. Yeah.

Yeah, that'd be cute too. Paint up the bits and pieces down there and make them blend in so you don't see them. What would I paint myself? Paint them out. What color would I paint myself? Green. Green?

Green, just took my green. Green dude. Full Just took my green. Green dude. Full green. Green bastard. A girl got kicked out of a gym down in L.A. because she had body painted tights on. No way. Yeah.

Some guy asked her to leave. I'm like, why? What? A guy got offended because she had body paint on? Yeah. No pants, just paint. What the fuck is wrong with people, man? She had painted leggings on? Yeah. No pants, just paint. What the fuck is wrong with people, man? She had painted leggings on.

I think if she wants to do something like that, go for it. So nothing covering her bitch, you mean? Just, well, it was painted. Painted bits. But I mean painted, and she had no underwear on, is what you're saying. Just paint underwear. Well, there is some fucking exercises at the gym where you might not, you know, it'll just, boom, it's there. Make some things pop in there.

Yeah, it's not. So no underwear whatsoever, just paint. Painted tights. That's fucking awesome. Yeah, so, you know, if she was doing, you know, where you do the splits up the wall. Well, there's those machines where you put your legs in and, like, that's not a good, you don't want to go on a machine like that. You'll cause, well, maybe you do. do covid you're just on a treadmill or something you're on a treadmill that seems fine bench press maybe peck deck but you know the old curls you see you go in and some

of them have their legs straight up the wall stretching you know and squats might not be well nice well be nice for some people doing the splits yeah i mean it's all kinds of fucking moves really i mean because if a fella did it just painted himself up and then he was in there doing squats but he'd have to paint and tape he He'd have to tape his hands up. No, but I was just... It's not as easy for a fella. Because you do squats and it's a dangler.

You've got to dangle. That's what I mean, but it would be the same equivalent because she didn't tape anything up. She just painted it. So if a fella went in and just painted it and he was in there doing squats, imagine if Randy was in there doing squats naked. The ass gravy would be dripping from his body.

It would just be Randy with the green cock and balls. No, man. You're not hiding them. No. Okay, maybe it was a good thing he kicked her up, because then, you know, it could have turned into dudes coming in painting themselves green. That's what I'm saying. Then next thing you know, Randy's in there dragging his nuts around on the ground.

Jesus. Doing squats. And imagine Randy doing those, you know, those leg spread where you lose the machine. It would just be like, smell, smell. And his sack would be hanging off the end of the seat. Yeah. Probably right before. You know he wouldn't be wiping up afterwards, too, you know?

No, he'd just leave a big fucking... Yeah, I guess that would be one of the problems if you're naked, you know, sitting on a bench or rowing machine. You're going to leave some things behind. Yeah, but with Randy, he thinks that that stuff turns people on. Like, the scent will turn people on. Like a musk. Fucking want to get banged.

He uses that word, doesn't he? Musk. The smell of musk. It's disgusting, boys. I'm glad I quit drinking. Well, you know what? I'm going to calm down a little bit, maybe. I'm going to try to eat better, get in shape, you know.

Maybe that's what I'm going to do. But I think I'm going to do it this I think I'm going to do it this year. I'm going to be able to retire. Oh, yeah? By 2025, the three of us are going to be retired. What's the secret? I've got a little thing on the go. I've been dreaming it up.

I've just got to figure out a way. So 2024, I think you've been saying that since 1984. Yeah, but... I think 84 was the first year you said, we're gonna be retired this year, boys. Have I given up? Never said you gave up. Just saying it's taken a little longer than you expected.

A lot longer, man, but that's the whole thing. 84, you said we were gonna be retired that year. Think about how much we're gonna appreciate fucking retirement when it happens though yeah it's been a long it's been a long fucking time i did find a new scam for us good yeah there was a headline that i had to look into okay headline was florida woman's driveway stolen while she was at work so i was thinking well maybe it's those fancy bricks or something. No, it's just pavement.

But it's part of this new overpayment scam. What? Yeah. Okay, fill us in here. So you pick a home. All right. And you call a contractor and say, yeah, I want a quote on replacing my driveway or my roof or siding or whatever the fuck it is.

Yeah. And then I have the contractors come. You're like, okay, yeah. Let's go ahead with it. And he's like, well, I want money up front. So you send him a check. And say the cost is five grand. You send him a check for eight or nine grand.

And then you call him and say, oh, man, I fucked up. Can you pay me back the money that I overpaid you? So then he sends back a check for eight or nine grand. And then you'd call him and say, oh, man, I fucked up. Can you pay me back the money that I overpaid you? So then he sends back a check. Your check bounces, and you've got his four grand. Hmm. It's a dirty one. That's a fucking dirty one, all right. You might get in trouble for it eventually.

That's a horrible scam, Ricky. That's what happened to her. She came home and her driveway was gone. Then the guy realized that the check bounced and it wasn't even the person's house. So he's like, I'm not doing any more work. She's like, but my driveway's fucking gone. Sorry. Wow.

See, I mean, it'll piss people off. Was she trying to scam him? I'm confused. No, some guy didn't even know her, said it was his house. Oh, my fuck. And he contacted the contractor, paid him his fake check.

So she wasn't even in on it? No, she had no idea. Just all of a sudden, well, she needs to get a new driveway. She was suspicious because these contractors were showing up to look at her driveway, and she's like, what the fuck are you doing here? And she's like, Andre sent us, your landlord. She's like, I don't have a new driveway. She was suspicious because these contractors were showing up to look at her driveway and she's like, what the fuck are you doing here?

She's like, Andre, Andre sent us, your landlord. She's like, I don't have a fucking landlord. I own this house. Wow.

And she came back a couple days later and her driveway was gone. All right, you know what? I mean, I kind of like it. I like where Buddy's

going with it, but it'd be good if you could just pick the people that are the fucking victims. Like, if they were dickheads. Yeah.

Fucking assholes. Sure. See? That's what we'll do. We'll be like the Robin Hood of driveways. All right. Okay, maybe we'll throw that one. Yeah, you can't just have innocent people's driveways getting taken.

No, you've got to take the driveways of the dickheads, man. That's what I'm saying. I think we should do the roof. Let them get fucking wet. The roof. Come on, your roof's gone. That'd be fucking awesome, man. Boys, can you just maybe just don't do it at all? Don't even get involved in that.

Why not? It's fun. It could be a lot of fun. Right? You got a better way to make money? Yeah, get a job. Yeah, get a fucking job at McDonald's You got a better way to make money? Yeah. Get a job? Yeah, get a fucking job at McDonald's. It takes too long to get money that way.

You know what you remind me of, Bubz? And I've been willing to talk... Brad Pitt, I know you've told me. No, no, no, I've wanted to talk to you for a while, but there's this dude, he was a university student. He's fucking genius. At age 10, he already had his PhD, right? Yeah.

At age 10? Yeah. So this guy, right? Yeah. At age 10? Yeah. So this guy, you know, kept going to school, mathematics at age 16, all this shit. And then you know what happened to him? He said, fuck that. When he got in his 20s, I'm not doing a fucking thing. Retired?

He just, no. He lives with his parents. He doesn't have a fucking job. He's like a crazy doogie house motherfucker from China. And he does nothing. He's content with... That's what you're like. I think you're borderline genius.

But you did nothing with your... Like, I'm not going to diss shopping carts and shit, man. But come on, pops. You could have did a lot better, man. Oh, really? I didn't know that was kind of a talk today. Really? I didn't know we're having this kind of a talk today. Really? I didn't mean to get this going.

I just read this story about this dude, and I was like, Bob, maybe you could have did a bit more, man. Maybe you could have. I know I could have. And I admit it. Well, it takes money to go to university. I couldn't go. OK, well.

Because you wouldn't fund it. Scholarships, man. What about trade school? Yeah, man. Well, I... Astronaut school. See? No, see, that's the problem.

I think the astronaut thing fucked up your life because you were just... No, because it's not over yet. You kind of came... That is what I'm talking about. You kind of came to obsession with it. I can't be tied up at university in case I get called by NASA.

See, that's what fucked you over, bud. That didn't fuck anything. It did. I very well could be going to space. You should be a multi-billionaire right now, like fucking Gates and those dickheads. You're as smart as those guys. I'm a billion. Bezos, that motherfucker, you're way smarter than that guy.

As soon as I get fucking in university and I'm tied up, you know what's going to happen? Murphy's Law. The phone's gonna ring. Hey, it's NASA. We need you to go up on a mission. You could just quit university at that point. No. Yeah, you could still go back to university. You can. You can go back, man.

What would you be if you could go back? I'd be... A docker? No, I wouldn't... A docker? No, I wouldn't be a docker. Yeah, that's your Big Bang, that fucking skinny dude. What's his fucking name? You're as smart as that guy.

Do what he's doing. He's an astrophysicist. Yeah, that's what you could do. Well, that's, I don't know about that one. I'd like to be like a Neil deGrasse Tyson type. See? Who's also an astrophysicist, by the way. Yeah, he's a smart as fuck guy, isn't he?

I could, you know, I could get into string theory and things like that. Why don't you get into that this year, man? Maybe I will. Maybe I'll go to school and be an astrophysicist. You get a million bucks if you get one of those fucking things? Is it? Yes.

There's probably more now. It is. Sponsors, endorsements, man, come on. Yes. I could manage it. It'd be fucking great. We'd be an unstoppable team. Why would I need a manager?

He could be security. Why would I need a manager if I was an astrophysicist? Because that's where the money comes from, man, is the thing. Why would I need a bodyguard? Am I gonna have people fucking... Oh, yeah. Yes. Look at fucking Sid the Kid, man.

He's got all kinds of money. It's not just from him playing hockey. He's not an astrophysicist. I know, but I'm just saying. He's got a bodyguard because he's a popular hockey star. Yeah, but I'm just saying, Buffs.

He's endorsements, man. People try to kidnap you and shit. That's right. That happens all the time. You think so much? To astrophysicists? All the time. I don't think Neil deGrasse Tyson's

ever been kidnapped. The KGB would fucking kidnap you, man, if they could. That's right. With the brain you got. Vladimir Putin, famous for kidnapping astrophysicists. That's right, man. That's why Russia's doing so well. Fair enough. Putin might want me.

He might want me. Hey, that's, I mean... Might want me working at Roscosmos. You know? Maybe. You ever try the fucking Russian space program? They might fucking throw you up there. Yeah, you could build a new space station.

I could work on some things over there. The Soyuz. I know how to operate a Soyuz. Man, I thought we got fucking banged up. There's some people here that get way more banged up than we do. What do you mean? Well, this one man in St. Petersburg, Florida got arrested for molesting the manatee statue

at a restaurant. We do that shit all the time, man. You fucking roast humping statue. Yeah, okay, that's not that crazy. Yeah, but Ricky just like laugh humps it with his pants on. Maybe this guy was actually doing it. This was a bad one. This woman drunk as fuck in California

drove into a great big illuminated, you know those trailers that say don't drink and drive DUI signs? She drove right on it. Was she drunk? Yes. What a wasted. Don't fucking idiot. Of all the things you could fucking do. All the things you could do, man. And this guy,

this is bad. He hit a fucking pedestrian so hard that the pedestrian flew through his windshield. Well, part of him did. Part of him stayed at the scene. He entered the passenger seat

and the guy drove for 40 miles before he realized. He thought, he said he thought he hit a deer. And you're just gonna drive 40 miles with a deer.

Part of a body in the passenger seat. All right, so the thing got chopped in half? Is that what you're just going to drive 40 miles with a deer and... Part of a body in the passenger seat. All right, so the thing got chopped in half? Is that what you're saying? That's what it sounds like. So it had, like, the upper part in the passenger seat. Yeah. He didn't look over.

I guess not. He thought he picked up a... Was he drunk? Wasted. He thought he picked up a hitchhiker with no badge. He went to a jack-in-the-box, passed out at the wheel like this, so someone called the cops.

Cops show up. They're like, okay, well, he's drunk. But what the fuck is that in the passenger seat? He's like, I don't know. I thought it hit a deer. Well, no, that's a human. And it's half a human. Jesus, he must have really fucking hit them.

I don't think you should be driving if you're that fucking banged up. No, man. You shouldn't be driving if you're at all banged up. A little bit. I don't fucking drink. Well, the limit is kind of low. Do you drink? You drive with a drink in your hand every day.

Yeah, but it's more of a... A mixed drink in your fucking hand at the wheel. It's more of a part of what I'm wearing. You know what I mean? Oh, it's an accessory. It's an accessory. Thank you. That's the word.

It's an accessory. It's like a... You know people have those fucking dogs and shit? You have a liquor drink. Yeah. That's what I mean. Just to make me know, you know? Fashion Julian. I've never had things like anxiety and shit or like any of that shit. And maybe it's this.

Fashion Julian. How many DUIs you got? None. You don't have a fucking DUI. I was with you for one. No, those things get thrown out, man. It's usually much worse things involved because of you, so. Oh, man, I forgot about this.

I don't even know if I can talk about it. What is it? What? You gotta talk about it. I know, but it just makes me squirmish. Okay, good. We like squirmish. Squeamish. It happened again. What?

A woman in Brazil cut off her husband's penis. Oh, fuck it. Jesus. Okay, give us some details. Well, this is what the disturbing part is. She's getting all fucking kinky with him, lured him details. Well, this is what the stern part is. She's getting all fucking kinky with him, lured him into the bedroom, and then she tied him up, legs and hands. So he got cut off full erect, like...

I'm thinking probably, because he was turned on. And then she got out of the bed with a razor, and she's like... See, it makes you feel that right down where below. Right down in the basement. I bet you it would just come off like fucking butter, man. Life and blood. It would be nothing home at all.

And then she took a picture of it, and then she flushed it down the toilet. Oh, he's not getting that back. It must have been like a geyser of fucking blood squirting out of him. He was like fully wrecked. I didn't describe the blood, thank God, but yeah. What a bit of fucking mess. She flushed it down the toilet? Yeah, she was pretty pissed off.

Bye-bye, Wiener. Well... Nice knowing you. No chance you're getting that one back. It's not getting that back, it's being gnawed on by rats. She might as well have swallowed it. You're not getting it back. Little way she was kind of justified,

because the guy did something really fucked. What'd they do? He slept with her 15-year-old niece. Oh, fuck him. He deserves to be dickless. I don't know if he deserves to be dickless, but he deserves something. He does, man. He deserves to be dickless. If he went to prison, they'd probably cut it off anyway. Where was this at?

Brazil. Yeah. Yeah, that definitely would have happened. Well, he definitely paid for that one, didn't he? Yep. Wiener down the toilet. He won't put his wiener in anything else for a bit. For a bit? It doesn't grow back, Rich. Is he still alive? He didn't put his wiener in anything else for a bit. For a bit. It doesn't grow back. Is he still alive?

Didn't say he died. He's not a starfish. He's not going to grow it back. Wiener doesn't grow back, huh? No, sir. He's going to be a wienerless. He's going to be a tin doll. I thought you showed me a porn with that Bobbitt fella.

He had a penis. No, but his was just chucked in the field. Oh, they got her. He got that thing back and got it on ice. Scraped the dirt off it. Put a bag on. Flicked the rocks off of it and sewed her back on. And it still worked okay? It had a bend in it.

It had about a fucking 40 degree bend. They couldn't get out of it. Might feel better for his partner. Boys, we got to do a road trip. As soon as it gets nicer, we're going to go check this out. Check. This is fucking weird. This is in Quebec, which is like 17, 16 hours away.

McDonald's restaurant in the middle of nowhere. Sparks conspiracy theories. So way up north in Quebec, all right, there's farmland everywhere. They decide to open up a McDonald's. The fuck was that? Don't know. They open up a McDonald's. This thing's not even on the power grid, man.

They got a generator. It's a full on fucking- How would McDonald's okay that? They're fucking smart. That's why. Look at that. That's a nice McDonald's. That's a fucking big McDonald's.

Look, that's firm land everywhere. Check that fucker out. Is that? That's not real. There's nobody even around. That's a fucking big McDonald's. That's firm land everywhere. Check that fucker out. Is that? That's not real. There's nobody even around. It's real. Does it do any business?

It's gonna. McDonald's are smart. Because they fucking found out that they were going to put a big, crazy fucking subdivision in around this whole fucking area. Oh, well, there you go. Here's an idea. How about you wait? Build it once the subdivision's there. No, man, it's all about the land.

They want to own the land. They don't give a fuck if the restaurant's making money right down that lane. So until that's there, which would take fucking years, how do you support it? Or they don't give a fuck because they're just billionaires? They're just McDonald's. They don't give a fuck. They've got more money.

You know what? It's things like this that got my mind going, man, because I think it think the real estate's the fucking thing we gotta get into, boys. Firm land? Land. Okay. And I got a surprise for you guys coming up in a little while. Oh yeah?

Sometime this month. And you'll fucking see what I got brewing. Can you give us a hint? No. No hint, man. Does it involve ladies? It involves transactions which are kind of sketchy. They might be.

Not for us, but for the other people. No, we're okay, man. We're in the clear. Alright. Oh, did I mention when I quit drinking and drugs, I also quit crime? Bull fucking shit you did. Crime is off the hook. Alright, you know what? Crime is with weapons. That's fair.

But other types of crime? Quick crime. Bull fucking shit you did. Crime is off the... All right, you know what? Crimes with weapons. That's fair. What? Other types of crime? No, I'm off all the crime. You can be a little dirty, man. No, I'm off all the crimes. Holy fuck.

No criming. What about gambling? I might do some gambling. All right. No, don't do fucking gambling. Do a bit of crime. Gambling's worse than crime. If we do crime, will you gamble with our crime money?

Exactly. You know what? You got to learn how to fucking read numbers like that. What is it? You going in? Ben Affleck, he does it. Counting cards? Counting cards.

You got to fucking count. Why don't you do that? I can count cards. I know how to do it, but you're not using me like Rain Man. Oh, come on, man. No, sir. Three of us can get the suits on, matching suits, and go to the fucking casino. No, I'll end up...

We'll go to the fucking... You know what? No, sir. We'll go to the Niagara Falls, to the casinos up there. You love the falls, man. I do love the falls, but I'm not... You'll get the suits on. I'll buy the suits. I don't want a fucking suit. I do. So do I, man. White. And I want to win.'t want a fucking suit. I do. So do I, man.

White. And I want a wind. You want a white suit, do you, Ricky? I do. Like Wayne Newton. Ricky Newton. Some kind of cool tie. Did you know Wayne Newton, you know who I mean?

Yeah. The singer. Yeah. Do you know what his uncle's name was? What? For real, Fig. Fig? No fucking way.

Shut the fuck up. They named his uncle's name was? What? For real, Fig. Fig? No fucking way. Shut the fuck up. They named his uncle Fig. Why would they do that? Why would he get bullied now, growing up, that poor fucker? I don't know. Remember Juice Newton? Yeah. That was a weird name, too.

Juice Newton. Oh, fuck. I got a Wayne Gretzky story for you, man. During the Olympics? Yeah. Back then, Team Canada playing theussia when they were in canada playing yeah wayne is fucking awesome he invited the top players from the fucking uh the ussr team yeah to come to his house for a barbecue yeah so they came to his house they had fucking two kgb

agents to make sure that everything was cool yeah blah, blah, blah. Wayne got some of his friends or his mother or something to distract the KGB agents, and this was right before a hockey game. They were playing that night. Brought them down to his basement, where he had all kinds of beer waiting, and he fucking got the beer going into the players and the fucking coach.

For the game. He fucked them up a bit. And got away with it. That's why Wayne was... It's hard to fuck up Russians with alcohol, though. But once they got into the beer, man, I'm thinking they're drinking lots of vodka. Yeah, beer is not good for...

Yeah, I guess they're used to vodka, right? So he got them banged up a little bit, man. You know what? Cheers to Wayne Gretzky. I think that's fucking great. One for the team. That's a good use of booze. Do you think Wayne also partook, though? Probably. I think Wayne's fucking great. Took one for the team. That's a good use of booze. Do you think Wayne also per-took though?

Probably. I think Wayne likes to drink. Wayne likes to have a few, man. Oh, I guarantee he does. But you know what? What's the point of getting them drunk if you're getting drunk with them? You're just eating it out. That's what makes him the great one.

He can do it. He can drink and play. Look at Le Fleur, man. He was smoking his fucking brains out. Yeah, he was awesome. He fucking do it. He can drink and play. Look at Le Fleur, man. He was smoking his fucking brains out. Yeah, he was awesome. He fucking did that. It was pretty cool. Yeah, Gay Le Fleur smoking darts on the bench.

I think it might have been a little joint. Oh, they were definitely fucking smoking lots of weed, man. Probably hash, too. Quebec has great hash. I've met a few NHL guys that let me know that they were high as fuck for the All-Star game. Yeah, and scored five goals. Exactly who they are. Out of his fucking mind. Uh-huh.

We won't. I mean, we could probably. No. No, we won't. He's not playing anymore. No. He was fucking awesome. He was awesome.

He was awesome. Yeah, we have all kinds of stories. What about Buddy there, another great one, who ate a pan of weed brownies and was fucking fucked up for three days? Big Newton? No, it wasn't him. It was another great hockey player that we can't fucking tell.

Really? Yeah. I don't remember that story. Last name begins with H. So did the other guys. So did the other guys. So did the other guys' names. Maybe it's the same guy. No, it wasn't the same guy.

This guy, it was a father and son that both played. That's another hint. I know exactly who you mean now. Yep. Ate a whole pan of weed brownies. Yeah, thought they were just normal brownies. And he went to fuck for like three days. Yeah, that would fuck you up bad.

On the ice? Was he on the ice? Oh, I don't think he could play. No, you would not be playing on weed brownies. Three days straight. Fucked up. Space cake, you know that shit? Yeah, you'd be fucked. Space cakes, man.

I miss space cakes. Yep. Your mama missed the space cakes. Eating space cakes with Sebastian Bach, I think was one of my favorite. Yep. Your mama misses space cakes. Eating space cakes with Sebastian Bach, I think, was one of my favorite fucking times. That was a good time. That was a good fucking time. In Amsterdam. Yeah, I was fucked.

Sebastian Bach. What a fucking person to be. That was a good time. That was before it was legal in Canada. Yeah. Yeah, now Amsterdam's not the same. No, man. It's like... Amsterdam's pretty fucking fun, boys. It's fun. It is fun. But I'm telling you, when you're highest buck on the bikes,

you just gotta be like... How many times did we get almost hit? I almost got killed by a fucking scooter. Because there's no way, man. I got hit by one. I got hit by one in fucking May, whenever I was over there. I got hit by one in fucking May, whenever I was over there. I got hit by a scooter. Didn't hurt, but fucking clobbered me.

Yeah, they're fucking dangerous, man. When you're not used to it, fuck. Yeah, we'd have a hard time. One of us would be dead within here if we lived there. Randy almost got killed in Manchester, England, looking the wrong way, crossing the street. He's fucking dumb. Yeah. I should have just let him, instead of grabbing him,

I should have just let him walk right in front of the fucking thing. Randy was, do you know what Randy was doing in Amsterdam this time? What? You guys weren't there, but he figured out the bicycles that have either a yellow or a blue fender on the back. Yeah. That means they'll double you wherever you want to go. They'll pick you up, and he was getting rides with fellas.

What? Just holding on to them like this. They would, you know, he would wave and point, and they would stop, and he'd get on and go riding around the town with fellas. Was his hold, was his hold, like, up here, or was it a low hold? Well, I mean, he'd have one on each kind of. He was grabbing the package and the chest.

Yeah. See, I don't know. Did you got to pay for that kind of thing? No. To be picked up? If the thing has a yellow, I can't remember if it's yellow or blue, but if it's got a yellow or blue back fender,

that means they're up for doubling. That's good. What's the benefit to the fucking bike driver? Well, it probably gives them a leg workout. It saves more people from using cars. That's got to be, it's got to mean something else. Oh. Like you're raped.

I'm willing and able to get her thing, you know, get it going. I think so. I think Randy tapped into an underground messaging system. Underground code. Yeah. I think. I don't know. We'll have to ask him. Let's just get him drunk and say, hey, you getting picked up at the place where you... Where you what?

What did you have to do? Were you paying people back in some form? With a... So you're not drinking. It's fucking Friday night. I'm well recovered from New Year's. I don't know, I'm feeling like kind of... I mean, I could start Monday.

That's... We definitely got to get drunk tonight. You start Monday. I could start my New Year's resolutions Monday. And I will try to start Monday. You know what? I think you should take Sunday to Thursday off. For a little while, see how it goes. Sunday to Thursday? What do you mean off?

Just like, don't drink Sunday to Thursday, but like Friday, Saturday, get it going. Like it doesn't, you not having a big bottle of vodka right here. I don't drink Sunday to Thursday anyway. Well, there you go. It's gonna be easier. I don't drink every day like you do. You got it then. You're gonna nail it. But I mean, Monday does seem like a good time to...

Yeah, man, you gotta... You know, then you can keep better track of your progress. I'll do it. No, actually, no. That's how you fail. I'm gonna not do it tonight. No drinking. We'll see.

I'm not drinking right now. What is going on? I quit drinking by accident. Yeah, you gotta take care of that then, because you get cranky, man, when you're not drinking. It'm not drinking right now, what is going on? I quit drinking by accident. Yeah, you gotta take care of that then, because you get cranky, man, when you're not drinking. It's not fucking good. Okay, well, let's- So do you. We'll report back next week.

We'll see if I drank or not. Okay, you know what? We should get a calendar and then put, you know, use a calendar. And X off each day that I don't drink. That you do drink, maybe. Well, the goal is to not drink, Julian. You're trying to get me to drink.

I don't think life would be really that fun without it. I'd be like, hmm, yeah, this is a good song. Some people do, man. I don't know how. They're faking it. They gotta be faking it. They can't be truly happy. They can't be.

I don't know, maybe I should give her a crack. See what happiness is like without this. You would just turn into a fucking black hole. You would just disintegrate into a fucking... Never tried, man. Space-time continuum would stop. Okay, well, maybe I'll start with you Monday. We'll see.

All right. So we're not quitting today, though, right? No, definitely not. All weekend. We're going to give her fucking big time so you're sick of it Sunday night. Also, I'm going to drink so hard and try to make myself sick.

That's the way you do it. Throw up a bit. That's getting you to the point where you do it. So not only did I not quit, now I'm going to drink harder than I normally would. You know what? Getting your stomach pumped out on Sunday night might help you out. I'm gonna get my stomach pumped.

Yeah, Sunday night. Did you hear about Bubbles? He was supposed to quit drinking, he ended up getting his stomach pumped. Now he's definitely off the booze. See? There we go. There's the plan. All right, let's go to the liquor store. Okay, we're going to the liquor store. Happy New Year's to everybody out there.

Yes, happy 20-20... Four. All right, let's go to the liquor store. Okay, we're going to the liquor store. Happy New Year's to everybody out there. Yes, happy 20-20... Four. Yeah, it is four. It's like a 22-four. Think of it that way. 2024, where did the years go? They're gone, man.

It's late. See the video version of Park After Dark in Ricky's trailer. Go to swearnet.com or download the Trailer Park Boys Swearnet app.