Trailer Park Boys Presents: Park After Dark - Episode 33 - Ricky LaFleur's French Test

Episode Date: November 18, 2019

The Boys are all at sea as they discuss why you don't fuck with a walrus, and whale fart-powered cars - take f**kin' note, Elon Musk! Bubbles and Julian test Ricky to see how French he really is, and Bubbles has the greasiest weiner story ever... literally!

Well, man. Look what I found. I hadn't... Remember this shirt? No. I couldn't find it. I don't remember ever seeing that shirt ever. Stinkster grabbed it and fucking dragged it under my shed.

Was under my shed, matted it into the dirt, got it all washed up. You did a pretty good job, man. It came clean. Looks like it's brand fucking new. It was under my shed for about eight months in the dirt. Nice, man. Yeah, Stinkster pulled it under there.

Ricky. What the fuck is going on with that? Well, he conked his hair ever since. Ricky. What's up, boys? Let's go, bud. Might be time you go to the hospital. Deedle, deedle, deedle, deedle.

Oh, man. Rick, you should be going to the fucking doctor, man. I'm fucking fine. You've been doing this for a week now. You're not supposed to sleep like this, Ricky. Fuck. You're sleeping way too much. At least I'm getting gut and in shape.

Just... No, you can't. You can't be doing that. You gotta stop with the banging your fucking head on the wall. Why don't you just... It's an easy... It's the easiest workout ever. I know, but why don't you just do it, like, without hitting the wall?

It's the same motion. Go take a fucking walk. And I don't you just do it, like, without hitting the wall? It's the same motion. Go take a fucking walk. And I don't think you're burning 150 calories banging your head against the wall. No, because he keeps knocking himself out. Five seconds into the workout, he's out cold. I bet you would burn way more if you tried to not hit the wall, but you still moved your head. It's these goddamn OMG facts is what caused it.

I wonder if it's your fault. Maybe I got a combustion. It's a concussion. You probably have maybe more than one. What'd you say? A combustion? Yeah. I got blurry vision sometimes. You don't have combustion, Ricky. Well, you do, but that's down in a different area. He's got combustion, all right. He's got combustion all right. Down in his arse region.

Speaking of that, this is the most fucked up thing I heard someone told me at the Legion the other day. Fucking Terry, the bartender dude. Yeah. What? A blue whale's fart bubble is large enough to hold a what? Try to guess the animal. A blue whale's fart bubble?

Yeah. Oh, that could hold an elephant. Perhaps, no. You wanna guess? It couldn't? No, man. How about a German shepherd? I think you're closer.

You win. All right, what is it? What is it? A horse. That's a big fart bubble. Fuck, I'd love to see one of those. Can you imagine if you're a diver? That'd be awesome.

And all of a sudden, one was coming up, then boom, it hit you. And you're in it? That'd be fucked. Oh, you'd die. You couldn't live inside. Yes, you'd die. If you're in a blue whale's fart bubble. What is it?

It's methane. Imagine if you could harness that and fucking sell it. You could probably burn your car with it. Probably burn your car with it? I'll just tell you right out of the gate, Ricky. The logistics of that, you're not going to get it worked out. Elon Musk could not work that out. You just have to get a nice boat, follow them. And collect their fart bubbles, and then sell them.

Yeah, I guess it wouldn't be easy. That would not be easy, man. But is it worth a lot of money? Not really. It's probably not worth... Much easier ways to get methane, Ricky. It's good for the environment, though. Because isn't methane bad for the sky?

Well, it is, but you burning it in a car is not making it any better. It's not just people, it's the fucking blue whales, too. Well, cows are the main... Cow farts are the main thing ruining the fucking ozone layer. Oh, man, I remember reading some of these last night when I was fucked. Some of these things are fucked up, man. Like what? This was a while ago.

This Florida teen attacked her relatives at a dinner table because they wouldn't give her any more tomatoes. She's like, I want some fucking tomatoes. Like, no, you've had enough, darling. Isn't there a shortage on tomatoes or something now? I don't know, but she fucking lost it. She threw something at her head, and then she pulled a knife. She's like, come on, give me some fucking tomatoes.

Wow, she needs to go see a psychiatrist. People are fucked, man. People are fucked up. She's got mental health issues. Why are people pulling a knife on your grandparents? Why are people doing that? Why are they doing that? Maybe it's a tomato addiction.

No, no, no. No, it's all in the head. She's got, it's, I think it's a whole bunch of things. Like video games and shit? Maybe, that's probably a factor. But if you're pulling a knife, I mean, I've played every violent video game in the world. I'd never pull a knife on my grandmother for a fucking tomato. No, there's no way.

I don't want to pull my knife on anybody. No, I wouldn't pull a knife on anybody, especially my grandmother, over a fucking tomato. No, there's no way. I don't want to pull my knife on anybody. No, I wouldn't pull a knife on anybody, especially my grandmother, over a fucking tomato. Listen, gran. Okay, so, I mean, if she went over and maybe punched her in the face, that's a lot better than, you know... Well, how about just... First she threw a water bottle and hit her grandfather in the head,

and then she threw a cigarette back at him. Yeah, see, she's got mental issues. She needs help. She's fucked up. You can't be attacking your grandpa. You can't be attacking... No, I mean, even if they're starving her, she shouldn't be doing that.

No, man, you should not be stabbing your grandma. They did give her a tomato, maybe two. I don't know how many it was, but it wasn't enough. It wasn't enough. That's really fucked. But I'm probably... She was eating other stuff, too. I doubt she just had a plate of tomatoes.

So it is weird. If I was a grandparent and my granddaughter was there and she's like, can I have another tomato? I wouldn't be like, no, you're not having another fucking tomato. Tomatoes are too expensive. Like how many fucking tomatoes do you need? Jesus Christ. I can't imagine acting like that. But doing it made me feel like maybe I could.

I don't know. All right, I'm on the acting like that. But doing it made me feel like maybe I could. I don't know. All right, I'm on the fence. Wow. He convinced himself that maybe he would do that. He would, yeah. That's, yeah, okay. I wouldn't fucking pull a knife on someone for not giving me a tomato,

but I may tell someone they weren't allowed to have any more tomatoes. They come into my house, it's like, you know, if I get a bag of chips, and they take a couple chips, it's like, okay, that if I get a bag of chips, and they take a couple chips, it's like, okay, it's fine, but I'll be keeping an eye on them. And if they start fucking taking too many, I'm like, okay, bud, I think you've had enough there.

And then if they ask you for more, hey, can I have more chips? I think you've had enough, yeah, see? It's not the grandparents' fault. I thought it could have been, it's not. It's her fault. She fucking, she's crazy. But it's the grandparents' fault. No, he said it's not. It's her fault. She fucking, she's crazy. But it's the grandparents' fault. No, he said it's not their fault.

Oh, it's not their fault. I thought when I read it, they could have been pretty much responsible. I don't even want to think about it. It's just stupid, man. The whole thing. What are you looking at? I'm just looking at a few things here.

What? That's dirty stuff. It's not fucking dirty stuff. It's fitness stuff. Pant house ladders. No, it's fitness stuff. It's different fucking dirty stuff. It's fitness stuff. Pant house letters. No, it's fitness stuff. It's different pant house letters. Is a walrus, is that a seal with an elephant trunk or tusk?

Sort of, Ricky. A walrus is a great big fucker. Looks like a giant, yeah, looks like a giant seal with big tusks. Because it says like last month or something, one of them sunk a fucking Russian Navy landing boat. Yeah, he could. How does he do it? Does he jam his fucking tusker in?

What kind of, if it was, was it a rubber boat? It was a blow-up one. Oh, is that what it was? Yeah, man. He could sink that cocksucker. Still pretty fucking crazy. It's a Zodiac, isn't it? Ricky Walruses are fucking a couple thousand pounds.

Oh, they're big, are they? Yes, man. And they're like cute little cuddly little cuss... But is it their tusk that does the damage? It could be. I mean, if he fucking jammed those in the side... His fucking tail. Bang.

Air going out around his tusks. I'd like to see some video of that and then he gets over there how does he do slams his ball well he'd go over like this and then he put his whole body up and what do they what do they eat do they eat other animals or they eat fish oris is he are they pretty uh beaver are they in good shape like could they flap their tail and knock someone out of a boat oris is a big fat cock but no in the, could they flap their tail and knock someone out of a boat? No, walruses are big fat cocksuckers. But in the water, they could flap their tail and knock you right the fuck out. Oh, you don't want to fuck with one.

No, man. Jesus, Murphy, they're deadly machines. They look like they're, you know, big lazy cocksuckers. They're tigers of the sea, man. When they decide they want to get moving, you want to get the fuck out of the way. I fought a walrus. So once they sink you... I didn't fight him, but I got attacked by one. Where?

At the zoo. No, you did, man. I did. There's no fucking way. At the Shubinackity Zoo. You're so... They don't even have walruses there. They used to. When? In the lake. Years ago. When I was a little fella, I fell over the fucking wooden railing.

And he came at me. Well, that's what the story doesn't tell you you and I'm pissed off, but like once the boat sinks and you're in the water and you know, just this crazy cuck sucker You're in trouble. You do not want to get

hauled into the water with a walrus. Especially a super walrus. But it doesn't say people died. People died? No, it doesn't say that. It should.

No, they didn't. They probably... They should have. They probably shot him. Yeah, they probably blew him out of the fucking water. Shot him. I hope they didn't because they had kids. Yeah, they probably blew him out of the fucking water. Shot him. I hope they didn't because they had kids.

Yeah, that would suck. They probably shot all of them, man. Probably shot the whole bunch of them. That's mean. That is mean. That is fucking very mean. I couldn't shoot a walrus. I couldn't shoot a goddamn frog.

Remember when we got in that fist fight at Tommy's wedding? Well, this guy took it a little further. He, uh, he got fucking getting crazy, and he said he was gonna kill his wife in front of everyone, and then he said, I'm gonna fucking rape everybody in here! Jesus, Murphy. That's a threat.

That's an aggressive threat at a wedding. At his own wedding? What's wrong with that guy? I don't think it was me. I hope it was somebody else's wedding, but... Jesus. I mean, it doesn't matter. It's fuck no matter who's wedding it is.

Yeah, he pulled out a knife. He's like, I'm gonna fucking kill everyone and rape everyone. He was drunk. You know how people do stupid things when they're raped? I've said I'm gonna kill people. I've never said I'm gonna rape people. No, that's weird. He's a smurfy.

That's fucking terrible. Terrible. It's good for the kids at the wedding. I'm sure they like that. Yeah, that's weird. Murphy. That's fucking terrible. Terrible. It's good for the kids at the wedding. I'm sure they like that. Yeah, it was creating entertainment. Oh, do I have the same thing you got? I've got the same thing. What does rape mean, Mommy?

And why does that man want to do it to us? Honey, pick up the glass and chuck it at his face. That's what you should do. That's what I would tell my kids. I've got the same document here, Ricky. This is a wonderful document. Look at this. Opium-addicted parrots are terrorizing poppy fields. Yeah, man. They're eating them.

What a life that would be. No job. Don't have to worry about money. Just go and fucking get banged up every day in the poppy field. Woo-hoo! Fly around all baked. Yeah, except you're a parrot. No, no. Just think about that baked-out of your mind. Parrots don't fly, do they? It's so nice up here. Oh, parrots. Yes, it's a parrot. It're a parrot. No, no, just think about that baked in your mind. Parrots don't fly, do they?

It's so nice up here. Oh, parrots, yes. It's a parrot? It's a parrot. Parrots fly. I was picturing a pelican in my head. A parrot. Pelicans also fly.

Pelican would have trouble getting poppy. Yeah, I guess they do. They got the fucking crazy wingspan. Big wingspan with the big... What would you rather be, a parrot or a pelican? Oh, a parrot, I'd say. Probably more agile. He's more like a fighter jet.

If you were a parrot, would you rather be addicted to opium or crack? Oh, opium. Okay. I mean, opium, you just swoop down the field and get it. And crack, you've got to go to a crack den and do a deal with somebody. I'm just saying, if they were, like, found something. If you're a parrot, where are you going to get crack? You're going to roll into a crack den?

I'm saying, I'm a six-puffs. One thing I didn't know, and this article shouldn't have said it, do you know there's fucking 20 to 25 grams of opium in each fucking poppy flower? 25 grams. I would never have thought that. What? Yeah, that's crazy. Holy fuck.

I've been growing the wrong plant all these years. No, you don't want to be fucked. Not at once. It must mean it makes it over the course of its life, does it, or something? Each poppy flower yields 20 to 25 grams of opium. Yeah, that might be over...

That's not all at once. You don't just slice it open and there's 25 grams of opium sitting in there. I don't think. I don't know, man. Anyway, if it is... Well, if you're a parrot,

you're getting really fucked up. We're not getting... If that is true, this whole fucking living room is if you're a parrot, you're getting really fucked up. We're not getting... If that is true, this whole fucking living room is getting turned into a poppy field. Ricky, do you know what opium fucking does to people? What? You don't want people in the park all of a sudden turning into zombies. No, opium's like that. That's what they make heroin out of.

Oh, heroin's not... People will be fucked. That's bad, isn't it? Just keep selling the weed. I thought opium was kind of like the cocaine. No, you'll get fucking addicted big time. You don't want to be on opium. I don't.

Instead of getting dead, I know. I don't want to be on that. Just stick to the cashmere stuff, okay? That's the only opium you're going to smoke. The fucking hash in town these days, it's just, it comes in these little white bags with a star on it. It's got a nice stamp pressed in it. It hasn't been touched by the bikers. It's just, ah, comes in these little white bags with a star on it, it's got a nice stamp pressed in it,

it hasn't been touched by the bikers, it's just, muah. This fucking guy. What was that? What was that? Muah, what does that mean? It's good. Okay. I think that's what the people

over in Europe do, don't they? Muah, and magnifico. There we go. I like it. That's what you mean. Yeah, you took it to a new level. Oh, yeah. Get a little accent going there.

I think I'm part Italian. You know that? I think I'm going to do that ancestry DNA thing. Don't, because you'll go to jail. It's a trick. What? Oh, yeah. You do not want to be sending your DNA. As soon as you send that in there linking you to crimes you forgot all about.

Are you fucking kidding me? I never even thought about that. I just caught a murderer because of it, which is good. What? I haven't killed anybody. No, you don't want to kill people. Actually, I have nothing. Everything I did, I got caught for.

We've already done our time, man. All right, let's do it. Yeah, it's probably fine. I want to find out where I'm from, too. I think I might be... I don't know. I don't know, because you know what? They've got this new recognition system.

It's about the veins, man, in your hand. Not just the thumbprints, the veins. I think originally... Yeah, man. Originally, my family's not from Canada, I bet. I think probably they came from... No, man. Maybe like Europe or somewhere.

Japan. Ricky, nobody's from Canada unless you're Indigenous, which you are not. You're either... You're probably Scottish or Irish or a bit of both. Good chance you're one of those you are not. You're either, you're probably Scottish or Irish, or a bit of both. Good chance you're one of those. I feel like I'm part Japanese. There's no fucking way. Well, Ricky,

your last name's LeFleur. I'm guessing you used to come from France. Yes, I forgot about that. I wonder where that name comes from. Well, it's French, Ricky, so you probably descended from France. And what was Tammy's maiden name? What the fuck was it? I don't know. Duggar. Okay, so you probably descended from France. What was Tammy's maiden name? What the fuck was it?

Duggar. Okay, so she's probably Scottish or Irish then. Duggar sounds like Irish, so you're probably Irish-French. Is that good? I feel good. No, why not? I should have taken French. I'm dumb. I forgot. My name's Le Fleur. I could learn French easily. That's not the way it works, man.

When it's in your blood, boys. You hear a word, you remember it forever. No, you're... Yeah, but you're different. Ricky, okay, I'll just hit you with some French words. You tell me if you, uh... What's this word? Macanese! Uh...

Macanese. Macanese. Mayonnaise. Ugh, okay. Is that the real deal? Sounds how they say it when you're really in France. Chaveau. Who?

Chaveau. Chaveau? Goat. No. No? No, man. Horse. A chaveau is a horse.

No, it isn't. It's a fucking chevelle. Oh, it's a chevelle? That's a car. A chevelle's a fucking... A chevelle's not a horse, is it? A chevelle's a fucking Chevelle. Oh, it's a Chevelle? That's a car. Chevelle's a fucking... Chevelle's not a horse, is it? Chevelle's a fucking car. Yeah.

Chevelle is a fucking... It's a hair. Chevelle is something, man. It's either a horse or a fucking hair. Chevelle. Yeah, it is something, but... Chevelle. How do you fucking spell it?

See, now it's happening here. Now my brain's going, why? Why are we doing this? I'm not ready for this. Chevelle. It's not a horse. Chevelle in English is... See, now what's happening here, now my brain's going, why? Why are we doing this? I'm not ready for this. Chaveau. It's not a horse. Chaveau in English is hair.

I was right. I wasn't right the first time, but I was right the second time. The hair horse. Yeah. Chaveau, chaveau. Chaveau. Okay, here's one you can get, Ricky. Okay. If you use your logic and you use your, if you close your eyes and picture where you saw this word before.

It's not going to happen. It's not going to work. No, it might because he's seen this word a thousand times. It won't work, I guarantee it. Beck. B-E-C. Beck? Beck.

Think about where you saw that word and you'll be able to know what it means in English. I don't even know what the fuck Beck is, man. It's not a chicken gall. It's a beak. No. Fuck! Beck? You've seen it written a million times.

Don't. Don't. No. I'm looking it up. Man, I... You've seen it in your... You've seen it a million times. I don't even know what the fuck this is,

and I know a little bit of French. I know, like, Quebec. Quebec. So that means... Beck. B-E-C. Beck. Quebec.

You would... Okay, I'll give you a hint. You would find it in your fridge. Beck. Beck. Beck, Beck. Oh, man, this is a fucking tough one. Bacon. No. What's back on? Bacon and Beck. Beck. Beck, Beck. Oh man, this is a fucking tough one. Bacon.

No. No. What's Beck on? Bacon and Beck. It's not butter. No, that's burr. Butter's fucking burr. He doesn't have one.

You probably want it in my fucking fridge. I got no Beck. No, you don't have any Becks. See, that's why. Oh wait, you might. What the fuck is a Beck? You might. No.

Fuck. Fuck. Okay. a beck? You might. No. Fuck! Okay. I can't take it anymore, man. Let me off the hook. Just a sec. Oh, it's the spout! Yeah! He got it! I just came to me. I just came to me. I'm opening up the milk carton and it's like, back, right on. Spout back. Yes!

When you're opening milk, spout back. Didn't fucking mean to. You know what? I didn't have the first time hearing about it. Thank God. Well, because he doesn't drink milk. No, I do drink lots of milk, but I don't fucking sit there and go, okay, look at this. When you're opening a curtain of milk, look at this. It says something on one side. Spout back. Yes.

Nice job, Ricky. I remember from the, I think it was beep. Remember, he used to drink a lot of beep. Yes, beep would have it on there. Spout back. That means beak. Beak or bill. Spout back.

That's a beak or a bill. So I was right both times. Or did I say beak? I said there. Spout back. Spout means beak. Beak or bill. Spout back. That's a beak or a bill. So I was right both times. Or did I say beak? I said bill. You said beak. Jesus Christ. I said bill a while ago. Spout back.

So it means beak? Yes, it does. It means spout. It means bill. It means bill. So it means it's the beak of the fucking carton? Yes. So next time we see Billy Tanner, we say,

Spout, candle. We call him Beck. What's up, Beck? You're like, don't call me that, man. Okay, I'm gonna look this up, man. Because it means Bill. Oh. Spout in French.

Beck. Well, what do you think he's lying to? The milk container's been lying for a bill? The milk container's been lying for 50 years? Spout, it's just La Spalta. So you think it'd be just Spout. Spalte. Not Beck, which is a Beaker or Bill.

It doesn't make any sense, man. A ricottone. Biscotti. Look at these luckies. Eat some biscotti. Drink some cappuccino. Fucking lucky cocksuckers in Germany. The court ruled hangovers are an illness. Stay home.

No way. That's a good deal. That's a great deal. Imagine that. There's going to be a lot of alcoholics taking care of taking advantage of that one. You just get drunk every day. You don't have to go to work. I'm sick.

Sorry, guys. I'm fucking sick again. I don't know what's going on here. I drank a 40 ounce for last night and I'm not feeling too good today. It just makes no sense. I can't keep up. Oh my God, boys! What the fuck? Holy fuck! This is gonna make you throw up in your mouth. No it isn't.

Okay, you ready for this? Yeah. I don't know if I am. A guy injected Vaseline into his penis to try to make it bigger? Yeah. His penis rotted try to make it bigger. Yeah. His penis rotted off. No, it did. Are you fucking kidding me? Good night, everybody.

It rotted off. Man's penis rots off after he injects Vaseline to try to make it bigger. God. An unnamed 45-year-old man went to the ER after five days of suffering from an itchy sensation at the base of his penis. Then noticed a significant buildup of fluid and ulcers, which was starting to rot and bleed. Ulcers, rot, bleed on your cock. He was also feeling weak and suffering fevers. Oh, shit.

He told doctors he had self-injected petroleum jelly into his shaft two years earlier Two years! In an attempt to boost his penis size. Jesus Christ. The penile shaft was grossly deformed, tender, and had a serious buildup of fluid. Oh, so he had

a big, mangled, fucking water-filled log bird. So he went from being like Teddy Widecock to Teddy Nocock. Teddy Puscock. Within two years. Now he's Teddy Widecock. Oh, he was transferred to the plastic surgery team

who performed multiple skin grafts on his penis using skin from his scrotum. Oh, my God. They grafted his bag skin onto his wiener. Okay, next story. I got things that are fucking pissed off down here. He spent a total of one month in the hospital. Thank god I never tried to go with that idea.

Jesus. That is something else right there. That's a long road of recovery there, man. I bet you it looks like Frankenstein. Psychologically, every... Fuck. Yeah, man. Bet you it looks like Frankenstein.

How would you bang again? You'd be thinking, oh, my God, this thing's going to rot like it's... No. Jesus Christ. Why... Who the fuck injects Vaseline under their skin anyway? Really fucked up people, man. It's petroleum jelly. Let's inject a petroleum-based product into my wiener.

See what happens. You know what? I wish we could interview that guy. What? Buddy, what the fuck's his role? It says he's unnamed. You know what? I wish we could interview that guy. I ain't, buddy. What the fuck's his role? Well, it says he's unnamed. I don't know how we'd find him. But I'd love to interview him.

This is a funny headline. Man charged with repeatedly farting during strip search. Ricky, you've done that. I've seen you. I love it. A man in Scotland has been ordered to perform 75 hours of community service after intentionally pacing

gas as police officers conducted a body cavity search. You know what? That's bullshit, though. Think about that. It's a bodily function. Well, if they're doing a bodily cavity search, I mean, they're probably making the fart and coming

out. They're like, you know. I think they were probably patting him down. He was just letting him hang. I don't think they had, like, gloves and fingers. No, they said they conducted a fucking bodily cavity shirt. Oh, really? Yes. It's their own fault, man. Well, now, what's he supposed to do?

If they're fucking, if they've got him gaped open, how's he supposed to do? If they're fucking, if they've got him gaped open, how's he supposed to pinch it off? Exactly. That's a bullshit charge. I'm going to go over there and get this guy off. I bet you he's a fucking dickhead. Get him off.

No, no, no, no. He went to jail because he's a dickhead. Guarantee you, man. Yeah, he's probably being an asshole. He's just a fucking dick. He's a dick. That's what happened. That's what happened.

Oh, a ghost chair spooked out a hospital staff as it creepily wheeled away by itself. Yeah, that's old news, man. I've watched some of that on TV. That's just probably a big magnet or a bit of wind. You know what? You're watching the footage of that fucking thing. You can see all the palm trees and shit blowing around. It's wind.

Oh, something on wheels rolled on an uneven floor. In the wind. Holy fuck, it must be paranormal activity. Wow, that's crazy. Fucking bullshit. Ghosts. There's 90 fucking billion cameras in the world. Nobody fucking saw a ghost yet. Because they're invisible.

I think there is ghosts, man. There's not ghosts. They're invisible. There's definitely fucking ghosts, man. There is not. The sole sex thing is ghosts. There's something going on, man. That doesn't mean it not ghosts. They're invisible. There's definitely fucking ghosts, man. There is not. The sole sex thing is ghosts. There's something going on, man. That doesn't mean it's ghosts.

Well, it's the same thing as fucking aliens and UFOs, bud. All in the same category. Incorrect. One is scientific. The other is not. Has it been proven, though, scientifically? No. There is aliens.

Well, there you go. No, I'm not saying. You're a hypocrite, man. No, I'm not. Yes, you are. No, there you go. No, I'm not saying. You're so, you're fucking, you're a hypocrite, man. No, I'm not. Yes, you are. No, I can't. If you're going to believe in aliens, you should believe in ghosts. Because I'm talking about energy fucking, you know, energy.

Human energy or alien or whatever. It's powerful. Yeah, but there's nothing mathematically that suggests there's such thing as ghosts. You watch the Big Bang Theory, don't you? Are you addicted to that show? I don't watch that show. Bullshit, you don't. I don't like it. You want to be just like that guy,

the really smart one. I don't even know his fucking name. Big Bang Theory. Ricky, are you reading? I'm trying to. That's weird. That's really weird. Well, you know what?

If you practice it, it does get easier. Well, yeah. Everything does, Ricky. Everything. Pretty much everything. Sorry, boys. I zoned out there for a minute. What do we want to do?

What? Did we do our word of the day? No, we didn't. Not these things. I like these things. They're getting kind of, you know. Oh, okay. Last week was elementary school.

I don't know what the fuck this is. Oh, my God, Ricky. Did you just get that thing? That was random. That hooked up pretty good. Tampon clot. Yeah, yummy. Jesus.

Still, that's... Well, now we're up to junior high. That's, no, that's elementary school shit. Oh, what if you had it went one page more? Tampon glob. I don't know. No, that was... Nah.

This book is fucked. All right, let's burn it. Or look at the next one, tampon jammer. That's a good thing to have. That happens to a lot of people. What do you mean it's a good thing to have? Well, then you could still bang if you had a jammer. You mean like a battering ram?

Like on the front of a police car? No, like some kind of thing that blocks. Blocks the signal. Blocks the signal? What the fuck is he talking about? Oh, a jammer, like a signal jammer. I thought you meant like the front of a police car. Oh, a jammer, like a signal jammer. I thought you meant like the front of a police car. Oh, a rammer.

Okay, this is... How are you? Shit sandwich. That's pretty good. It's not bad. It's still junior high. All right. We need to make a book. This thing is not nice next week.

You're going in the microwave, bud. I'm gonna put you over there just to scare you all week. Let's go over in the microwave, bud. I'm going to put you over there just to scare you all week. Let's go out in the microwave. Ricky, you know that thing can't hear you or think about the fact that it's next to the microwave, right? You never know. After last week when I learned that Starfish has got no brains, I'm like, fuck. Maybe everything can do some thinking. Right.

Oh, my God. Okay, boys, I need a fucking real drink I'm gonna find one fun little fact And then I'm gonna go for a run A run? Yeah The fucking banging the head thing is not working boys I think my head's fucked So you're gonna go for a run

When was the last time you went for a run? When the cops Okay These little cocksuckers, I love them. One of my favorite things on earth. A hummingbird. Yeah. What about them?

Never would have guessed that, Ricky. One of your favorite things on earth is a hummingbird. Yes. They're so cool. They are. I agree. I'm just surprised that you even know what one is. Well, I bonded with one.

He got trapped in my trailer and he was fucking flying around. He was panicking. He looked like he was going to die. And I was trying to get him to land on some shit and he wouldn't. And finally I just put my finger up and a little cock sucker landed right in my finger. Chilled out. And I brought him right outside. And then he flew away.

And sometimes he comes back to visit me. Probably because he absorbed like THC. I fly by and I just hover there for a second. He's like, hey, bud, thanks for saving my life. He had it all over his fingers and he probably licked at them or something. He probably absorbed THC by osmosis through his feet skin. They flap their wings up to 200 times a second. That's a lot, man.

A second? That's a lot. That's quick. A second? That's a lot. Holy fuck quick. A second? That's a lot. Holy fuck. That's like a machine. Yeah, a machine.

You could build a machine that could go pssh. If you could, you could build yourself a hummingbird. They'll come out with them. Remote control hummingbirds, I guarantee you. Not that, no. It wouldn't be easy. You couldn't build one. But you could.

You couldn't because the machinery it would take to run the fucking thing is heavier than a hummingbird. Not these days, buddy. It takes so much energy that they need to eat up to eight times their body weight. In order to have enough power. In order to have enough power. And food every day. Holy fuck, that's a lot of food. In order to have enough power to run a gear

that's going to be 200 times a second, the battery would weigh more than the fucking hummingbird. Nuclear. Scientific. Nuclear power. You're going to get nuclear power

into a fucking... They're going to come up with it, man. I'm telling you. I'm saying right now you couldn't do it. Maybe in the future with, you know, hyper drives. Maybe. Exactly. That's you know, hyper drives.

Maybe. Exactly. That's what I'm talking about. Their eggs are as small as peas. There's a business. There's a fucking business. What? Pet hummingbirds and you collect their eggs and sell them. Specialty eggs. Scramble eggs. I'm gonna have scrambled eggs, honey.

How many hummingbird eggs you want? 600. I wonder how much you could... How much would you sell a hummingbird for? I mean, that is a good... Okay, I'm shutting this down right now. I would pay 50 bucks for a hummingbird. I am shutting this down right now.

You're not gonna start chasing hummingbirds around. Okay. Say goodbye. We'll see everybody next week. They can fly... Only bird that can fly backwards. All right, let's go collect some. I knew that. They've got to reverse.

And their feet are so tiny they can't walk on the ground. Wow. Favorite animal on earth. Homing birds. Cheers to you, motherfuckers.