Trailer Park Boys Presents: Park After Dark - Episode 33 - The Best F**kin' Year Ever

Episode Date: January 10, 2022

2021 was F**KED so the Boys are determined to make 2022 a success - are you gonna jump on the Julian train and join 'em? They also discuss muscle p*ss, new year's resolutions, and how to make money from farts in a jar!

Hey boys. How's it going? How's she looking? What's up? She's looking pretty good buddy. Things are fucking looking all right. Right on. You look great bubs. Today you look fantastic my friend. Do I? Look at you. You look pretty sweet. There I am. I got him. There's Ricky. Yep. I'm controlling this all.

Look at that, boys. We're doing all right. Got all the angles in there. Fucking 2022. Yes. Never thought that I'd ever see 2022. You know what I'm fucking pissed off about, boys? I don't know if you guys know this, but my favorite number is 21.

And 2021 had to have been the worst fucking year ever. Like, ever. Wasn't great. No. My favorite number. Like, so, do I got to pick another number? What do you mean your favorite number? Why do you have a favorite number. Like, so, do I got to pick another number? What do you mean your favorite number? Why do you have a favorite number?

Everybody has a favorite fucking number, okay? Do you have a favorite number, Ricky? Not that favorite. Okay, what is it? Like Blackjack? Is that why? Like Black guy. Like, legal to drink worldwide.

It's like, you know, 21. Oh. Oh, and you buy all your clothes at Forever 21. Those tight little shirts. Right. Forever 21 Julian. Whatever, Bubz. Okay, you guys

just talk amongst yourselves there. Ricky, you just do. I'm just going to go check and make sure everything's happening. Sounds good, bubs. You know what, Ricky? What? Go ahead, man. I was going to say, since 2021 was so shitty,

we're going to make this the best fucking year of our lives. That's the mission. All right. You want to be proud of it? I will tell you this, that the end of fucking COVID bullshit has to happen this year because I'm fucking done. Yes. No, no, no. Fuck COVID.

Let's not even get into that. Fuck it. We're still going to make this the best fucking year ever, man. COVID or not COVID. Alright? I'm losing my mask soon whether it's fucking gone or not. I'm done. Done. Really? Oh, man, I can't do it anymore.

It's fucking with my head. Well, what if the Omicron gets you? You know what? That would suck, but at least then, I guess, if I don't die, that I'll be stronger and my immune system would be better, wouldn't it? Younger, faster, stronger. Faster, stronger, immune. stronger and my immune system would be better wouldn't it younger faster stronger faster

stronger moon oh is that cut off there for a minute why what did you i got cut off there for a minute the poor connection or something i'm back though did you guys i didn't hear what do you mean you're sitting right here with me I digitally did I you did okay so what were you saying Ricky I missed you there what you said something about the moon or something? No, I want to be a moon from this fucking disease. Immune, he's trying to say. Oh, fuck. Bacon. Immune, man.

Whatever. I mean, people that are saying it makes you stronger. Could you get any stronger, Julian? That's the question. Yeah, I can. And I've been working on that, okay? I'm constantly trying to get stronger, Bubz. And my immune system seems to be fucking at full tilt right now.

So bring it on. Does your immune system do workouts? Like, does your immune system lift weights? It should. It doesn't lift weights, Bubz. I mean, that's impossible. It's your fucking immune system lift weights? It should. It doesn't lift weights, Bob. I mean, that's impossible. It's your fucking immune system, okay? But I've been eating right.

I've been eating right. I've been eating fucking oranges and shit, man. I've been getting into it, bud. Oh, you're eating oranges, are you? Well, fuck. I was just getting the vitamin C up, man. You're not going to get scurvy. You won't get scurvy, that's for sure.

Your mama's got scurvy. Your axi-body must be pretty cocky, man. You're not going to get scurvy. You won't get scurvy, that's for sure. Your mama's got scurvy. Your axi-bodies must be pretty cocky, though. They'd be like, look what's surrounding us, all these fucking big muscles. We're not shook of any fucking thing. Ricky, would you shut up, man? It's not necessary, boys. Don't be picking on me. Oh, it's fun, No pecking on you drew

You know what? I found out that was really fucked up I mean, I've been searching around for shit to talk about for this podcast two-thirds of Japanese men pee sitting down Two thirds. Well, then I should be Japanese Why are you peas? Shit, my you always I have a pet and an. I haven't pissed standing up in fucking 20 years. It is a lot more comfortable. What are you talking about? I piss standing up outdoors, indoors.

Yeah, I sit down a few times. Yeah, outdoors. I just put my hands on my hips and I just let her go. Fling it around, you know. But inside, I don't have time for standing around anymore. I get sitting down and I read something. It's fantastic. Okay, I don't get

that thing. Why do people sit down and read fucking novels and shit? Because it's relaxing. You're not supposed to force it out of your body. Isn't that how Elvis died? Fuck, boys. He was on all kind of banged up with drugs, man. Yeah, but he was pushing.

He was trying to push out the final kingly log. That's what blew his heart out. Poor fucker, man. And apparently what he used to do, he used to push really hard, and then he would say, Elvis, your shit has left the building. That's what he would say. So you guys both sit down and piss. I did not know that.

Not always, but once in a while, especially if you're banged up. You know, it's hard to keep your balance. You don't want to piss all over the seat. I'm just teasing you. I don't piss sitting down all the time. But there's the odd time where it's like, you know, you know what? I think I'm going to just have a nice relaxing long urination yeah but you don't buzz i'm i'm different i like to get in and get the out

because i got you you probably go you're probably curling with one arm and pissing with the other one are you uh have you ever okay here's question. Have you ever lifted weights on the toilet? That's a good question. That's a good question. You've definitely done curls. Is a muscular piss faster than a non-muscular piss? Can you force that in your body a lot faster? Oh, 100%.

You can muscle piss. All right. You can muscle piss big time, which I do. But you know what i i dude i was kind of lifting weights i was with the girl when i would see this girl way back when i was on the toilet right she comes in she kind of like hops on top and i'm like this hands on butt you know what i'm saying it was kind of like a curling action on butt you know what i'm saying it was kind of like a curling action you weren't banging you were banging and jesus well i was done but i was yeah i didn't think you'd get a hair on when you had

why did she get ricky jesus man what are you talking about banging i was done i was yeah I was done. I was done with the deal. But you didn't wipe your arse, obviously. Well, okay. I didn't. I didn't. I'm sorry.

Why am I talking about this shit? This is like... I don't know. This is how we're starting off the best year ever? Hearing about you shitting and banging? I don't think I'll ever outdo that one. Banging and shit. Well, you know what? I guarantee you there's a lot more people outdo that one banging and shit well you know what I guarantee you there's a lot more people out there that have done it Bob's

not just me well maybe I don't have one of those Alexa things or whatever the other ones are did you hear about the 10 year old girl she asked Alexa give me a challenge and the fucking machine told her to touch a penny to a half-inserted plug.

What? Yes. No way. I swear. They had to fix it. They just fixed it recently. Jesus Murphy. I'm telling you, the machine's going to take over.

Machine, this is just like fucking Schwarzenegger, man. Terminator. It's going to happen to us. They should have sued the Googlers. That's quite a fucking challenge. I guess it's a challenge. Fucking blow your arm off. That would blow a little kid right across the room.

Yeah, the mother was not... Especially if she stuck it into a 220. Fucking could have blasted her right through the wall. You know? The world's fucked, boys. I mean, I was reading this story, would have blasted her right through the wall you know uh the world's fuck boys the world i mean i was reading the story but this guy he fell in love with this humanoid robot i mean yeah she was hot looking but jesus i mean he wants to marry this robot well people are marrying robots these days

there's all kinds of people banging robots and taking robots on trips and going on, you know, taking robots to movies and everything. So you know what's going to happen? It's going to turn into, you know how you see these shows like 90 Day Fiance? Yep. You know what, boys? We should come up with a show about these motherfuckers that want to marry robots. Just like that kind of show.

That show's making tons of money. We easily do it. We should, but speaking of that fucking show, there's a girl on there, Steph Maddow. Did you hear about this fucking woman? No, what happened? She's selling her farts in a jar. Oh, I did hear about the fart seller, yes.

She made $254,000 in a fucking couple weeks. Selling farts. Farts in a jar. $1,270 a jar. But she had to stop because she was farting too much and her diet was fucking her up. She thought she was having a stroke, so she had to change her diet.

She's not selling farts anymore. She's selling fart NFTss now i guess instead oh digital digital farts she's selling digital farts why isn't randy randy should be selling farts oh my jesus well digital burps man even he might kill somebody he could kill somebody with one of his farts. So when she was... Just wait. When she was selling farts in a jar, real farts in real jars, not digital farts... Yep. She made how much money? $240,000. How much was each fart?

$1,270. For a fart? Yeah, but she had a discount for the holidays. Oh, my God. Christmas farts. What a fucking... You know what? She was doing 50 farts in a jar a week for the holidays. Oh my God, Christmas farts. What a fucking- You know what? She was doing 50 farts in a jar a week, I guess. You know what, I give her two thumbs up

because she was self-employed obviously and she made a shit ton of money. She might have had a team. Good for her, man. She might have had a team. It's a weird business. There could have been a jar holder and a capper and somebody feeding her cabbage and Imagine going on Dragon's Tank and pitching that one.

I bet you that Michael Wackerly guy would probably invest in that. Hey I got it boys, how about this bubs? Bubble farts. No I'm not selling farts. Think about it. No I'm not selling. You should sell fart bubbles. Was she just selling farts. Think about it. Come on. No, I'm not selling. You should sell fart bubbles. Was she just selling like...

Fart bubbles, better. Were they... Fart bubbles. Were they brand new farts or were she selling like... Was it like wine where you could order a... I want a 2019. I think they were all pretty current within a two-month period. So they don't...

There's not like a vintage you can order. You know? Then you know what? If we're gonna do this buzz with you, we gotta do some testing because how long does it stay smelly, how long does it stay active in the jar? Well, if it's airtight and it's a, you know, if the fart ratio, the fart particles to oxygen particles

are, you know, beyond 50%, there's more fart than oxygen and it's airtight, I believe you could package farts and I don't think they'd have an expiry date for at least six months. Yeah. All right. Okay. That's interesting. Look, why would you – I do enjoy smelling my own, but why would you want to pay to smell someone else's? I'd probably throw up. Yeah, I mean, or just go hang out at Taco Bell if you want to smell stuff like that.

You know what? There's some creepy motherfuckers out there. Think about it. $254,000 in two months. There's some people out there that are jerkers that want to fucking open up the jar and be all nice and ready to go. I'm telling you. There's jerkers out there that are doing it, man. You're talking about fart jacking?

Some people get turned on by farts? There's fart jerkers out there, man. I'm telling you. There's people out there that are sniffing shoes jacket. There's shoe jackers. There is shoe. There's a lot of jack shoe jackers. There are some weird ones, but I didn't think they'd be $254,000 worth of them. So that's $1,000 each, so 254 farts she sold.

Fuck. That's a lot of farts. That's a lot, man. But she did adjust her diet so that she was farting all the time. How would you do that? You would eat broccoli and drink water. She had a bunch of weird fucking vegetable proteins she was taking and all

kinds of shit. See, she's an entrepreneur. That is a good business model right there, man. She's not a bad looking lady for a jar of fart. And there's no expiry date, Bubz, from what you're saying. So it's perfect. Well, there's a shelf life of some type, I'm sure.

You couldn't, you know, you wouldn't get a fart from 1950 that's in a jar. But aren't farts, like, couldn't you... Why not? Aren't they explosive? Not at that level, Ricky. You'd have to have condensed, you'd have to have, like, several hundred farts crammed into one jar to get the methane levels required to blow the thing out.

There we go. We're coming up with fart bombs in a jar. Perfect. We'll fucking tie up Randy. But you know what? Like if farts do last that long, imagine you know, just somebody, imagine Walt Disney. You had Walt Disney's farts. What would those be worth?

Exactly. What would they be worth? To me, not a fucking thing. How much would Burt Reynolds' fart be? Burt Reynolds. Yeah, he's gone now. Imagine if you had one of his farts in a jar. It'd be worth probably a quarter of a million. Well, why don't we just start selling fake farts in a jar from famous people?

Is there DNA in farts puffs? Yes, there would be. I believe because they're microscopic shit particles is what you're inhaling. You're inhaling shit particles when you're, you know. All right. No one's going to do the DNA test if we got this going. I don't think they would. Take us to court. Yeah.

What we need to find is an autograph jar. We should start collecting them. Autograph jars. Burt Reynolds. Let's do it. Paul Coffey. Tonya Harding. That's a great idea, man. That's a terrible fucking idea.

Terrible. We'll get all kinds of cabbage in the pubs and let them rip for a day. No, I'm not doing it. Hey, did you hear about that cat named Panther that was fucking on a telephone pole for three days, 36 feet in the air? Climbed up and he was a fucking little pussy. Three days. He was a little pussy. He wouldn't come down.

That's a long time for a kitty to be up a pole. Nobody would help him, so the fire department finally brought a ladder truck and rescued the little cocksucker. How the fuck did they get stuck up there? He climbed up, and then he was afraid to climb down, and everyone they called was like, no, no,

just give him some time. He'll come down. Just put some food out. He'll come down. No. Three fucking days. Little fuckers. Never budged. He's probably for your heights. He might have got something. Might have spooked him, you know. He might have got spooked.

It happens. I'm glad he didn't jump. Oh, I'm glad he didn't jump, too. So it was a happy ending anyway. Well, that's good. And here's another happy ending. This fucking company in Massachusetts, Merrimed, they built an 850-pound pot brownie.

850 pounds. Three feet wide, three feet long, 15 inches high, 20,000 milligrams of THC. Whoa. Jesus. I've got to either own this or I've got to fucking make one, but it would be expensive as fuck. But they're going to sell it to a medical marijuana patient. One patient gets this fucking 850-pound brownie.

Jesus. I don't think we'd ever get over the border, but it fucking looked delicious. It was 1,344 eggs, 250 pounds of sugar, 212 pounds of butter, 81 pounds of flour, 122 pounds of cocoa powder. Whoa. You know what? I bet you if you got to the border with that thing on a flatbed, best way to do it, don't even hide it. Just throw it on the flatbed.

Throw it on your roof. You'd never think that's a, yeah, well, 850 pounds, right? That's pretty fucking heavy. What shape was it it she was a square like a cube or like a like a mattress it wasn't quite a cube it was more well it was more like a mattress it's like you know three feet long by three feet wide and then about it was about 15 inches thick yeah so you could say it was a you know like a yoga mat special yoga mat you were trying i think if anybody could get it over the border,

it would be us. Well, we could easily do it, man. I mean, if you got caught, it'd be a bit of an issue. No, you wouldn't get caught. You'd make it look like a potato or something. Yeah, I guess. Yeah, maybe.

All right, boss, I got a question for you, man, because I was thinking about this the other night when I was all fucked up. Yeah? What happened to all those monolith things that were around the world? They all of a sudden just stopped, or did they figure it out?

I don't know. The aliens came and took them back. Maybe. I didn't do a follow-up. I forgot sort of about that. There hasn't been a follow-up, man. You need to. I want to know, man.

What the fuck happened? It's a good question. I forgot sort of about that. There hasn't been a follow-up, man. We need to. I want to know, man. What the fuck happened? It's a good question. Why are you thinking about monoliths all of a sudden? Just because we were talking about cocks? Because I was drunk and I was, well. Were we talking about cocks? No, not yet. Maybe that was a trigger.

I don't know. I don't think the word cock was even said today. I guess I was just thinking about them for some reason. Usually I don't. I think you might have been, Ricky. You were, man. It's okay. Don't worry about it.

You know how people want to get the vaccine, people don't want to get the vaccine, but certain people need the vaccine to keep their fucking job? Yeah. This dentist was terrified to get the vaccine in Italy, but he needed it to keep his fucking job, so he went to the vaccine clinic with rubber arms. He what?

He wore rubber arms at the vaccine clinic trying to get a dose so he could get a certificate. Anyway, the nurse was like... What the fuck is wrong with people? The nurse was just trying to get the vaccine in. He was at the place and he went in and they stuck a needle in his rubber arm

and said... Then the nurse was like, no. So she thought it was a prosthetic arm at first and he offered up the wrong arm.

No. Then he confessed. He had two rubber arms on. He had two of them. Yep. It's a good idea. That's something you would do, Ricky.

I could see you doing it. He was prepared. He should have got an arm from the morgue or something. It would have been more believable. Old fucking rigor mortis arm. Old fucking black fucking dead arm. Shriveled up and whizzled up. That'd be terrible.

Holy fuck, boys. You should have paid someone else to go in and get his vaccine for him. That was a good business. What is? We'll take your vaccine for you. How many can we... I'll fuck it. How many can I have?

Get all kinds, man. I'll do it for money. You book the appointment, I'll take it. Yeah, but you'd have about 90 doses in you it might fuck up your body wouldn't it I think so alright

boys there's some new technology coming out I'm not sure how I think about it but it's fucked it's a fucking lickable TV screen I heard about something like that

it doesn't even make sense what thumbs up or thumbs down. I don't know if it's lickable. I thought you could just taste what you were watching. Yeah, you lick the TV screen like there's a big sundae, chocolate sundae. You go over and lick the screen. It tastes like that.

I didn't know you licked the screen. You do. You lick it, man. You lick the screen or why wouldn't they have a little lick portion on the remote so you don't get caught? They do. They do. They do kind of do that, I think. I think there's a part that you go with like a keyboard or a touchpad that you lick. It's a lick pad.

But I'm thinking they can do it for food. They can probably do it in porn. What do you think? So what do you lick? What are you looking what are you going lick oh boss there's all kinds of things you lick when you're in the sack buddy think about i understand that julian but if you're watching porn what device are you licking are you just licking a remote you can lick a remote but you could probably get remotes like a mold shape of something else and Boom your liquor lick away, you know, we can kind of go on flavor or different flavors depending on cleanliness

People are buying farts, I'm sure this fuck they're gonna buy something like this and lick the shit out of it it that's a weird one you would try it though wouldn't you i no comment yeah yeah download that download the post workout version jesus murphy so this is another up thing because I'm pretty sure they're wrong, but North Korea claims that Kim Jong-il, who's Kim Jong-un's father, I guess, invented the burrito and the hamburger. Of course he did. He's magic. They invented all kinds of shit, man. He's 100% magic. He also doesn't shit. None of the family do. Kim Jong-un has never used the bathroom.

Really? Yes. Wow. He's a magic. He's not human. He's a god, right? That's what they try to portray. As if he hasn't taken the fucking most vile, big, dirty shits

with that stupid little haircut and his big arse on the toilet. If he invented the burrito, he's having some messy shits, I would guess. Yeah, if he actually invented the burrito, which he did not, pretty sure it was probably invented in Mexico or... Southern U.S.

Somewhere that's not North Korea. No. They're not really known for this. I don't think the hamburger's on the table either. I think that was invented a long time ago. I'm pretty sure you're right, Ricky. When was the first McDonald's? We talked about that.

1800s? First McDonald's, what? No, man, no. I thought they had a horse drive-thru. A horse drive-thru? Maybe that was A&W. No, the fucking Germans invented the hamburger man i think it sounds like a german doesn't it it's a hamburger we already we talked about this years ago there's a city called hamburg or hamburg yeah hamburg in germany yes he's right

but that doesn't mean turkey invented the turkey sandwich. They invented the turkey. No, they did not invent the turkey. They didn't. No, man. They must have had a lot of wild turkeys. Wild, wild turkeys could not drag me away. I love that song. Wild, wild turkeys. way I love that song Wow turkey boys there's there's this is fucked up but in San Francisco and Oakland and shit there's so many people break it into

fucking cars that people are leaving their hatchbacks open like come on in there's nothing to steal we're really smart why are they doing it why are they breaking into because because so many people are breaking in and fucking up the windows and that you know their doors trying to get in and then they get in they steal the shit but if you have the doors already open you're not gonna fuck the door up I think it's brilliant Oakland sounds like a fuck show right now like the girl it that's on Jeopardy, she got robbed at gunpoint, didn't she? Who did?

Vanna White? No, Amy... Jeopardy. Maybe. I was watching Jeopardy, and then I spread on the news that she got fucking held up at gunpoint. Ricky, what are you doing watching Jeopardy? Rick, what are you doing watching Jeopardy? I'm trying to make Mo the smartest kid in the world.

Ricky, you could hurt yourself watching Jeopardy. A couple times my brain fucking almost shut down. It was overloaded with things that made no sense. Okay, Ricky, instead of watching Jeopardy, you should be watching Sesame Street. Like, seriously. The Magic School Bus is pretty info-filled. There you go.

Magic School Bus is another good one for you. I learned a lot about the body from that show what did you learn about the body from magic school bus Ricky we've got lots of things going on inside different tunnels chambers a hanker for a hunk of cheese I learned all about the heart from Potsy Weber. Oh yeah, you got that little thing you say that talks about all the different pieces. Yeah, remember Potsy had the song? I think we already talked about this one time. Probably. Potsy had the song about the heart. Oh yeah, we did talk about that. We talked about that. Yeah.

One day Julian was dressed up as Fonzie. Have we been on the air for like an hour? It seems like we've been doing this for a long time. Good question. Here, you know what? I'm going to just... I think just under a half an hour, I think. Is it? Because I had a half hour and then I had to go I got shit on the go Trying to get a job. Oh

Yeah, what are you trying to get a job for you lying on your resume? No, well, I did boys our resumes are pretty fucking impressive if you strip away all the fucking jail time and shit We've tried we've tried a lot of different fucking things. Well, I'm going to get a job this year. That's the main goal. How long has it been, Bob? I got to go.

I got an appointment. 28 minutes. Who the fuck is going to hire you? Me? I could be on a fucking shark tank if I wanted to, Ricky. I know that much about business. I just thought I'd had some bad breaks. Should we talk about New Year's resolutions?

I already just did. I'm getting a fucking job. No, I mean New Year's resolutions that we're actually going to do. All right. What's yours, Bubbs? Well, I don't want to say mine first. Huh. What's yours, Ricky?

I didn't know we needed any. I thought this was the year of nothing. The year of good. So did I, actually. The year of not having to fucking restrict anything. Well, maybe it is. Maybe that's my New Year's resolution. Don't come up with a resolution.

All right, how about this the new year is because of all the we've been through 2022 i resolute to let loose not put a damper on anything do whatever i want and then in 2023 if i live then i'll i'll chill out if I live, then I'll chill shit out. I like that. I like the sound of that. I want this to be the most fun year that we can possibly

have, boys. We need to have fun. We have to adapt and have fun. And then we'll retire. And then retire. From partying. No, no, not from partying. Just from working. We haven't really worked. Well, no, not from partying. Just from working. We haven't really worked.

Well, we're going to make some money this year. Fart's in the jar. Exactly. Fart bubbles. Oh, fart in the jar and send it to me. So, Buzz, did you have something? What? What was your deal?

What was your deal? No, I don't have a resolution. I don't believe in them. Puts too much pressure on the psyche. You're always so let down when you blow it. That's right. Exactly, so fuck it. Let's just have fun this year, boys.

Make somebody have some fun. Okay. I haven't been smoking cigarettes, just joints. So maybe I'll stick with that. Good job. And you know what? I've just been doing edibles. I'm starting to figure them out so I'm not all fucked up all the time. They're a head fuck.

They get good though, man. Once you figure them out, it's like a game of chess, man. It's like a game of chess. Who's gonna move the pawns up towards the king all right guess what boys i gotta go i think it's time to leave now big surprise yeah i guess so yeah i'm busy i've gotta i'm trying to get this going here this friday all right okay say bye then, Julian.

All right, cheers, everybody. Welcome to 2022. Come on board with the Julian train and make this the best fucking year we've ever had. Despite all this bullshit, fuck it. We're going to adapt and we're going to fucking be in a good place, all of us. Okay, that was very well said, Ricky. It's pretty hard to fucking follow up. Do you want to say goodbye to everybody?

Goodbye, everybody. Happy 2022. Yes, follow our fucking train, and we're going to have the best year ever. I fucking hope so. Tune in next week when you find out none of that's true. Hey, hey, hey.

Pops. Terima kasih telah menonton!ご視聴ありがとうございました