Trailer Park Boys Presents: Park After Dark - Episode 34 - Day Of The Deadies

Episode Date: January 16, 2023

Heyyyyy! Bubbles is pumped 'cause he got to hang out with The Fonz in New Orleans (the real one, not that heavy metal dick Cyrus!) Ricky's making a prison bucket list, and Julian's excited about a business idea to die for. Also: Meth pigeons, dumb dogs and banging cops!

To see the video version of Park After Dark in Ricky's trailer, go to SwearNet.com or download the Trailer Park Boys SwearNet app. How you guys doing? You gotta do something with the fucking heat, bud. My heat is fucked. There's no fucking heat. I haven't been able to get things fucking working properly since we got back. Boys, who cares about the heat?

We met the Fonz. Yeah, that was cool. It's still cool. It's still fucking freezing here, bubs. This many days later. I met the Fonz. I'm warm. Still warm from meeting the Fonz.

What a fucking super nice guy. Yeah. I was down with him. And I was From meeting the Fonz. What a fucking super nice guy. Yeah? I was down with him. And I was down with that fucking city. Amazing city. New Orleans. Well, anywhere you can have a drink and walk around with it, get in a cab, do whatever. It's fucking, I think it's one of the best cities.

Anywhere you can meet the Fonz. That's a good city. Well, that was just a coincidence, man. Kind of. I know, but he got me back he invited me back what did you back where to his room? yes what did you do man? he had two leather jackets

and we each put one on yes we did you got a picture of it? no you met the Fonz I got a picture of it? No. Oh, you met the Fonz, wore leather jackets. I got a picture of meeting him, but I don't have a picture. Like, once we went back to his room and we put on the leather jackets, he's like, I don't want pictures of this.

Did you have any drinks with him? Yes. Well, he doesn't drink, but I was drinking. And he was teaching me how to do the, hey. Is that how he does it? Yes. I know how to do it perfectly. Babs, sit on it, man.

You did not fucking meet the Fonz and go back. Well, you met him. You didn't go back to his room. What, are you trying to make something turn on? That's how you turn on the jukebox. I don't understand why every city's not like that. You can go to a bar, order a drink, leave that bar, take your drink, go to another bar with the same drink or get a different drink. You can leave the bar bar, order a drink, leave that bar, take your drink, go to another bar with the same drink

or get a different drink. You can leave the bar, get in a cab with your drink. It's fucking fantastic. Police officer helped me in a car with a big glass of liquor. I know, man. He just helped me right in and said, as long as you're not driving, you can take your drink with you. That's the way it should be. I wonder if we can get

things like that going here. Who do we got to talk to? As long as you're not driving who gives a fuck no i wasn't driving i was in the passenger seat that's the law here police officer knew i had a big glass of straight liquor and he's like here let me help you and sir he held my drink for me got me in the car gave me my drink okay here's the thing though if you if every city did that you know how many fucking plastic cups would be everywhere because you never all the drinks that's what you how many fucking plastic cups would be everywhere? Because all the drinks are in plastic cups. That's what you're concerned about, the plastic cups. I'm glad.

People got to start bringing these around with them, a nice glass. Do you know how much broken glass there'd be? Do you know how many glasses would be in people's skulls if you had people? Yes. Get rid of these? That's why they don't do it. Well, that's what I'm saying. So what do we do?

Are we going to ruin the planet for fucking drinking on the streets? Maybe. Wooden cups. We'll be dead anyway. It won't affect us. Jazz. That's what New Orleans is about. We need jazz players.

We need to invent the wooden cup. The wooden cup? No. It's been invented, Ricky. They've had wooden cups for years. But maybe wooden cups is the way to go. Depends on what type of wood. What's your favorite?

The less fibrous, the less absorbent woods, because you don't want- Nice teak glass. What about hemp? A hemp glass? Can we make glass? Yeah, you can make glasses out of hemp. Make anything out of hemp. They make fucking disposable cutlery out of wood now.

Not really that much different. That's true. Okay, bubs, you've got to come up with a disposable hemp glass. I don't got to come up with fucking anything. I'm just saying, if we get on this now, maybe by the summer. Well, you'll come up with it. Maybe by the summer we'll be able to drink or walk around drinking and getting into cabs and shit. Not that we'll take cabs around. I don't think it's the container that's the issue around here.

It's the issue. It's the liquor. It's the dumb fucking law that you can't have open liquor in a car. Why? As long as everybody but the driver. Because they don't trust the drivers around here. Well, it doesn't matter. You pull him over and he's fucking drunk, he gets the rest the same as it is now.

It's fucking dumb. Fuck you, lawmakers. What do we have to do? Go to, like, one of the buildings? You have to go to the mayor. The mayor? To City Hall. Have a petition.

Start it. How many names do you think we need to get? Well, you need more than... Not a petition that, you know, you get people to sign if you get enough names they change the law i mean it's a formal document okay so if there's anybody out there that could get these formal documents together fill them out help us out free weed this summer okay they're going to change the fucking laws just to suit your drinking habits.

It's just to suit you, basically. Fuck it. I'll just open up another bar. How's that? You can fucking walk all over Sunnyvale with a drink. That's what I'm saying. Oh, like you can't do that now? New Julian Bar opening up this summer, 2023.

What's it going to be called? Mossles. Mossle Beach. No, pops. No, no, no, no. You could throw some sand on the floor. Call it Mossle Beach. Julian Speakeasier.

That's a good one. Speakeasier? Yeah. No, because then it'll look like the ER, like you're going to the emergency room. Julian Speakeasy ER. That's just the temporary name. I think you'd chuck in some sand. All right.

Throw it on the floor and call it Muscle Beach. Have a theme bar. You could wear shorts, go topless. Well, I could put some Arnold Schwarzenegger posters up. Yeah. You know? Muscles and booze. Muscles and booze. Muscles and booze.

Muscles and booze. I think muscle beach is better. Should we sell muscles like actual seafood? Oh, for sure. Muscles, like, hey, it's going to be a bit of a seafood theme, even though I don't like it. Come in 2020. Muscles and booze.

Muscles and booze. People will be puking their fucking guts up every night. There'll be old stinking muscle shells everywhere. Don't do that. Muscle beach. Sand floor. You in a Speedo at the bar. Fuck off, Bob.

No, it's not going to be. No, fuck the beach. We're going to do something else. Sweat your hair back like you just came out of the ocean? You know what? Maybe a gun range with a button. A gun range? That's not a good idea with booze.

Booze and guns? No. I think you're allowed to shoot drunk. You just can't drive. Yeah, well, I don't know if I want to be working in a place that serves booze and drunk driving. Gun firing. Fuck. Do you know about this fucking,

they built this new downtown apartment building in Miami right beside a federal prison. So. What happened? The building's pool. Faces all the inmates. Oh, that would be awesome. I know.

Fuck, could you imagine? You'd be like glued to that window, man. That would be awesome. I know. Fuck, can you imagine? You'd be like glued to that window, man. Well, now the villain's complaining because all the fucking inmates are catcalling and shit. Can you imagine if you were on the other side of the prison and you weren't able to get the view? You'd be pissed, man. What are the prisoners doing, jacking?

They're jacking anyway. Use your imagination, I don't think. They don't got to use books or videos. It's fucking Miami. Bikini-clad ladies. Oh, man. You know there'd be some girls... Who designed the building not knowing there was inmates staring at the pool?

Stupid fucking architect. Could have been done on purpose. And they have no real way to rectify it. Anyway, there's a prison we might want to put on. Where's this at? This is a prison bucket list. I'd like to go visit it, man. Which one is it?

Miami. Miami. Weather's good. Who has a prison bucket list? Ricky does. Is that bad? Yes, Ricky. That's not a bucket list you want.

I know, and he wants to go to prisons like over in Cuba and shit like that. You don't want to go to a prison in Cuba. I think if anyone's going to do a documentary about prisons it should be me. You're right. Alright. Remember that dude? That dude? From the English dude? How many times can I say dude? Edibles. Holy fuck.

Right on. I like when they kick in. English who? That English dude. Mr. Bean. No. No, no. He was bald. He was going to different prisons. English who? That English dude. Mr. Bean. No. No, no. He was bald. He was going to different prisons. Hard as fuck.

Bald Mr. Bean. No, no. He's hard as fuck. This guy was going in. Hard as fuck. Bill Grylls. No. No, no, no, man.

No. Why do you bring this up? It's that dude. It was a series on. Did you say Bill Grylls? What's his name? Bill Grills. Bear Grills. Oh, Bear.

Bill Grills. There were bears on that Alaska show. Oh, fuck. Who was the bald guy with the hard cock you're talking about? Not the hard... He's a tough motherfucker. There's a bear guy on Above Zero. You only was talking about a bald Englishman with a hard cock.

I don't know, man. I said nothing about a cock. You said he was hard as fuck. It was a prison fucking series. Jason Statham. No, man. That was a good guess. No, it wasn't.

That was a good guess. Bald English guy with a big cock? Yeah. Great guess. Where did the cock come from? You said he was hard as fuck. Hardcore. He was hardcore.

Okay, I'm sorry. It was a good series. He just went to all these prisons all over the fucking world. He's King Charles now. King Charles. He's not bald, though. He's got gorgeous hair. I thought it might be a two-bit.

He's got a gorgeous full head of hair. The king. I'm out of commission. This is quite a time these fucking police officers in Tennessee were having. commissioner there's a this is quite a time these fucking police officers in tennessee were having this female officer who was married ended up having sex with nine or ten of her fellow male officers at once a couple of them at once no way in june at the precinct couple in the cars couple at hotel room she had a threesome with one of the guys and his wife i'm all for it man the way i it, a lot of guys do that.

You don't call them dirty or anything. Let the women do it as well. Oh, but they can't be doing this while they're working, which they were. Oh, they were working? Yes. Well, it's not our taxpayer dollars there, you know. I don't give a fuck.

Go for it. Five of them got fired and three of them got suspended. Wonder why the three didn't get suspended. Yeah, why did three only get suspended? They didn't do... I don't think they were fucking during working hours. Oh. Jesus, she sounds like she...

God, wouldn't you love to be married to that lady? Would you? Yeah. No. Well, I'm kind of... She sounds pretty wild. I mean, I guess if you have an open relationship. Well, yeah. You just love to do the same thing. I mean, she's making some... She's pretty wild. I mean, I guess if you have an open relationship, you're just allowed to do the same thing.

I mean, she's a cop. She's making some half-decent money. Why not? Yeah. I don't know, but what if someone called 911 and they're right in the middle of teeing off on each other? The response time is going to be not good. Yeah, we got a murder in progress.

That's where the excitement comes in, right? That's what they're addicted to, that kind of like, hey, we got to go on a call here. We better get this over with quick. Yeah, do you think it was like, we got a murder in progress? She's like, no, don't stop. Don't stop. Just speed it up. Just speed it up.

It's the danger factor or something. You know what I mean? People are into that. Get her going like a sewing machine. We got to finish. It's the danger factor or something. You know what I mean? People don't know that. Get her going like a sewing machine. We got to finish. That's right. I wish they would have pictures of her just to... Is there pictures?

No. Oh, fuck. What do you need pictures of her for? Where was she? She was in Tennessee? I can tell a lot from a picture. Maybe we should try to find her? I'm interested in this female cop.

Yeah, I should have wrote down her name, but I forget it. Well, if you just type Tennessee cop lady. Tennessee cop's fired for sex. Tennessee cop lady sex machine. Yeah, that should do it. Okay, boom. Five officers fired as sex scandals roll. Okay.

Oh, we have a video. Oh, Jesus. Like a sex video? Maybe. I doubt it. No, it's on the Daily Mail. I don't think it's a sex video. No, it's not going to be a sex video.

She doesn't look like she'd be that naughty. Really? Really? Yeah. She's good. Good luck. I can't see her. She's one of those subtle naughty people. Naughty, naughty, naughty officer. I can't see her.

Really? Huh. I'd marry her. She looks... You'd marry her? Well, sometimes she's got like, has a pen she still get her pension She's fired right? No pension No, probably not she didn't get fired. Oh, did you hear about did you hear about the pigeon?

Yes, I have that here. You do? Yeah. You want to talk about him next? Let's talk about the pigeon. Did you hear about the pigeon with the backpack? What? This is in British Columbia in Abbotsford.

Abbotsford, B.C. They found a pigeon at the jail in the yard. The prison. Little backpack on with 30 grams of meth in the back. Crystal meth. How much meth? 30 grams. Crystal meth.

30 grams. I guess they've had some real problems in this prison with drones and shit. Yeah. So they brought this new drone technology. Don't puke, man. You all right, Ricky? Yeah. This new drone technology, it's like radar or something, so now they can't fucking.

No, it jams the drones and they drop out of the sky. Is that what it is? Yeah. So now they got to go old school and they're fucking training little backpack pigeons. Go back to resort to old school, man. You should have saw his adorable little backpack. Really? It was like designer.

It was nice. It was gorgeous. Little zippers on it, little side pouches. I think it's brilliant, man. They used. Well, we should use them forever. We could do that. Because drones are...

Yeah, but it's easy to combat pigeons, too, with a shotgun. What about our little... What are those animals that dig holes? Gophers? Yeah. Weasels? Gopher. Can you train a gopher? Gopher on Caddyshack. Gopher. That might be it, man. No, no, no, that's not it. Remember the? Gopher on Caddyshack. Remember him? Gopher. That might be it, man.

No, no, no, that's not it. Remember the gopher on Caddyshack? Yeah. Yeah, he was cool. This is how we dance. And since we're on the topic of birds, I got this thing. You know, your mother. Oh, right. Buzz, your mother has some qualities that are the same as hummingbirds.

About the speed? Guess what it is? What's that? Speed? They can lick 10 to 15 times per second. Just like your mom used to be able to. Jesus, that's a lot. She was fast. Like a little lizard. That's terrible.

Why do I have this written down? That's terrible. I don't even know if we should talk about this. Let's talk about it, man. No, it's dumb. Get it up. Wow. It's about a new study

out of Helsinki, but which is the smartest and which is the dumbest dogs? Who cares? Well, it's a big thing. It proves that dogs are dumb. The Belgian Malinois, is that pronounced right?

It's the world's smartest dog. Really? Afghan hound, dumbest. Yeah, well, he's not the... none of them are that smart. Guess what else is fucking dumb? What? Shih Tzu, Basset Hound, Mastiff, Beagle, and Pekingese. Yeah?

Dumb as fuck. Dumb? That's what it says. Dumb goddamn dogs. I don't think all those dogs are that dumb. Yes, they are. They're not like Lassie's smart. Lassie's smart.

They're not like cats. They're not like cats, I'll tell you that. So those dogs are dumber than a cat? Yes. I'm not even going to get into it because I don't think cats are that smart. I just saw a video of a fucking cat. Yeah. Climbed a tree, branch, one branch one branch kept his balance got out there

lapped onto the side of a building side scaled across to an open window up he went let's see a fucking dog do that but is that that doesn't make is that a smart thing to do man if you're a cat and you need to get inside because Because cats fucking climb shit, Bob. You've got to be confident. No, but he's smart enough to go. He looks up and goes, okay. Is there any drug cats out there? Is there any drug cats out there?

Yes, there's drug cats. Yes. Oh, shit, man. There's drug cats, believe me. Oh, fucking shit, Bob. Is there cats finding fucking dead bodies? Yes. No, there isn't, man.

There's all kinds of... There's cats taking down criminals, man. Yes. No. Yes, there is. Attack cats. Attack cats. Yes.

Full of fucking shit. They're called tigers. Maybe you fucking look one up sometime. I'm talking cats, like kitty cats, not fucking big tigers. Well, you could train one to sweep the leg. Here's another good fucking business idea for us. This is in New York City. The thieves made off of 300 grand from an armored car.

All they did was distract them. And the shot was fired. No masks. Distract them. Two guys went up and said, hey, dude, looking for some directions to Piccadilly Square. Probably not. I don't even know where that is. That's in London. Oh, okay. So no, I'm sure it was somewhere else.

Times Square. And while they're talking to him, this other guy goes and grabs the bag right off the bumper. See ya. Not one lead. That's a one of a... 300 grand! Whoa. That's very rare because they're trained not to get distracted.

Part of their training. Fireworks. It is possible. Fireworks. That's what we need. That's the distraction? Yeah, throw one. Start talking, throw one on the other side.

No, but as soon as he hears that, he's going to fucking bail into the back and lock down. Hot chicks. Bikinis and lock down. Hot chicks. Bikinis. Thongs. Bit weird that they're walking around New York City in bikinis, but maybe. I'm talking around here, bubs.

Okay, so girls in bikinis walking around. Guys, look at her. What? Girls in bikinis, drivingorghinis that's right you can start singing a song like that i don't know bob's distraction i like it we should try it well it's just a lot less violent than what you always want because you know what yeah i know and i agree with it but if we do that if you and you fuck up you can just say whoops just joking guys

i'm not gonna get you in there just joking i guys. I'm not going to get you with that. Just joking. I know I've got the bag in my hand with $300,000. I know I've got the bag, and I'm sort of running away right now. Just joking, though. He could maybe, I don't know. I've seen him get out of worse things, man. True.

Sorry, guys. It's just a test. Remember when I ordered all those pizzas, and the fucking guy forgot the drinks, and you guys got mad at me because I pulled out my handgun and was pissed off? That's pretty normal. Really? Well, I don't know if it's normal. It's not normal, right?

This guy in Pennsylvania, he ordered a pizza. Guy showed up, didn't have his drink, so he was like, fuck you. Pulled him in his apartment, locked the door and said, you're not leaving here till I get my fucking drink. Anyway, he got arrested, unfortunately. You know what I was wondering? You know how you pay, like give a tip to the pizza guy with a joint? I wonder how many people around the world get tips like that, like delivery guys.

A lot. A lot. I'd like to know. I'd like to hear some numbers. A fucking hell of a tip, in my opinion. Well. Unless you don't smoke. And if you don't smoke, I don't even know why you're on this earth.

Or why you have a joint on you. As a tip. See, that doesn't make any sense. Yeah. That's a good point, Ricky. What was it? You don't remember what you just said? No.

I don't either, actually. I'm feeling pretty good at the moment. I guess whatever it was, it's not going to change the world. Nobody remembers. Well, you know what's really fucked up? The term mortician. You know why that was invented? The Addams Family.

No. The Addams Family. They felt it was more customer friendly than Undertaker, so they changed it to Mortician. But it's a more gruesome word in my opinion. I think so myself.

That's what I think. I think Undertaker. Mortician. I think wrestling, right? It's not that bad. You think Mortician. Not back in the day, though. Back when it was invented

in the old west. But Mortician, they could have come up with a better word yeah really party guy the term was chosen after a call for ideas in embalmers monthly they got a monthly magazine check out this fucking chemical does this ever fucking puff you up surprised you never became one of them me too man, man. Who? You. I don't like the daddies.

Why would I be a fucking more dick? You could handle it, though. How much did they make? You know what? You'd be really good at doing their makeup and stuff. I would do maybe that part, but I wouldn't be the drainer. Fuck that. How much do these motherfuckers make anyway, bubs? Oh, it depends on how good you are.

But I mean, you know the first thing they do, right? What? They fucking get a big fucking hose in you and they drain you. Yeah? Drain what? All your juices. Fluids, man. Your blood and all your fucking.

I wouldn't like that too much. But after a couple, you're like, ah, fuck it. You go smoke a joint. And you know what I was told? First thing that happens when the dead bodies come in, the wieners fall off. So you're always picking up wieners. What, do they dry up and crack, snap right off? Yes, they fall right off.

So I'd be, no, no thank you. I'd just kick it in the drain or whatever. Oh, just like a Ken doll then. Yeah. Does the bag detach itself as well? Or just the... I don't know. The whole deal.

Probably the whole package, I would think. All right. How much would they have to pay you to do that? To do what? Be a mortician? Be a mortician. What you make right now with cards, maybe what? 12 grand, 13 grand a year?

Oh, I don't make that much. Okay. Well, you don't make... Okay, so... That'd be a good year. So 70 grand a year? Oh, I don't make that much. Okay, well, you don't make that. Okay, so. That'd be a good year. So, 70 grand a year, which would be a mortician. 70 a year? Seven.

I don't know. I'd have to think about it. I'd have to shadow a mortician for a day to see how gruesome it is. Like, what if one of them fucking sets up? Like, he's not dead, and they thought he was. That would... Then he'd stop draining the fluids out. He would scare the fuck out of me if that happened. It happens more than you think.

Well, if it's the Pope, they knock him in the head a few times with a hammer. They got the Pope hammer. And apparently they've got... A hammer. You know, you gotta fucking cut slits in them and let big gas balls out of them. All right, a hundred grand a year a hundred grand do i get to wear a hazmat suit yes of course you can oh hey if yes i would do it for a hundred grand and as well how much education you need none i don't know you need

sound go to some kind of a college or something right you got to know how to rebuild like somebody comes a fucking college or something, right? You got to know how to rebuild. Like, somebody comes in with fucking, you know, half their head missing. You got to know how to build a head. I mean, that part would be fun. Yeah. You would want to do that. Well, yes. Like, if somebody was missing, you know, you just whittle up a wooden fucking thing and get it glued on there.

I'm sure it's not made out of wood, man. Oh, I would do it out of wood. Nice mahogany. Pinocchio. But then you put, you know, you put like das or whatever over it and paint it up. Blow torch it to harden it up. I don't know if that would be fucking, I don't know, Bob. If you've got some nice das modeling clay and belt it over the wood,

or maybe you make a wire frame, put that over there, blowtorch it to harden it up, and then you paint it. And the family would come in and say, Jesus, fuck. What did you do to Harry? I could make Harry look great. He's got a fucking puppet chin on him. I could make Harry look great. I don't know,

150 grand, you should check it out. I might, you know what, I might practice it. I'll build a head. You'd do it. And you would not know

that it's not a human. If you can do that, I'll get you in as a mortician. I'll get you a job. How the fuck would you get me a job as a mortician? I have my ways and I just want a little bit of,

you know, 150 bucks a week, whatever. Why am I would you get me a job as a mortician? I have my ways, and I just want a little bit of, you know, 150 bucks a week, whatever. Why am I paying you? Because I'm going to get you a fucking job. If I can build fucking heads out of dyes, I'll get my own job. He's your agent. No, I don't need an agent as a mortician. I don't need it.

I can get my own job. If I can perfect, you know, building human heads out of clay. I need to open my own place. You should change the whole fucking industry. Call it the death party house. The death party house. I'm liking the sounds of that. What happens at the death party house?

We can lay a couple bodies out in here, bubs. Body shows up. Get them all dolled up. Party gear. Throw a big party. get the family in here. It's time to party. Check them out. We're not going to mourn his death.

We're going to celebrate it. We are going to party it up. It's not a bad, well, maybe you could, you know, maybe we could do it like a, you know, guy that stuffs the animals. What are they called? Taxidermist. Taxman. Maybe we could get people stuffed you know we

talked about stuffing me but bobs i saw this video the other day this guy he had no eyes so we put like a flashlight eye in let's get some fucking leds going in the bodies actually out of the party party bodies bad fuck would you like the party body package for your uncle? What color would you like? Green, blue, fucking pink? Okay, we can have LEDs installed under all of his fingernails. Fucking laser lights shooting out of his mouth.

We can put an argon laser down his throat with some mirrors so it's, you know, a moving laser coming out of his mouth. See, that's an experienced voice. We can put little LEDs under all his fingernails and they pulse to the music so it looks like he's... A little subwoofer in the casket. Electrodes in the fingers so it looks like he's playing a keyboard or something. Yeah, little electric shocks that make his fingers do this so he looks like he's partying lasers coming out see that's a good death experience right there i think it's not one of your worst ideas i think it's pretty

good man all right death party house well how much does it cost how much they i mean they charge way too much a funeral homes right yeah let Yeah. Let's just cut them. Cut their price, half price. No, I don't think you even need to. All right. I think you can say, you know, it's six grand at the funeral home, but they don't have fucking LEDs or lasers at all. It's eight grand. If Randy died right now, would you rather take him to Death Party House

or funeral home? Oh, Death Party House, man. The Death Party House. We could sell liquor. We could sell like a fucking disco ball right in his belly butt with lasers shooting down the smoking lounge that'd be awesome yeah you could have a smoking lounge you know what we should do we should get him over here we should hook up the gears all the to it oh my god make a video start promoting this is it friday the 13th

is it don't it doesn't that doesn't mean all ricky oh yes it does that's why we're talking about Start promoting this shit. Is it fucking Friday the 13th? Is it? That doesn't mean fuck all, Ricky. Oh, yes, it does. That's why we're talking about all this. It's inside our heads. Death. Yeah. Fuck, I didn't know that.

All right, well, how's it going to change? At the death party house, you know what else I think we should do? What? Have the casket fully open. Have the fucking sandwich trays and meat trays right there. Right in the casket fully open have the fucking sandwich trays and meat trays right there right on it right there man so you're partying you know when you go to get your sandwich you can be like hey johnny have a hand like a heat lamp on it he's got a little heat lamp over keep everything warm fucking late man i'm telling you there's I got a good I got a good creative mind

for this shit this would be this would be a money maker I'm not gonna be able to sleep tonight gone but not forgotten fucking perfect

write that down Robert Robert Stack remember him the guy from Unsolved Mysteries yes Robert Stack creepy

creepy he was a creepy son of a Rip Taylor Robert Stack, remember him? The guy from Unsolved Mysteries? Yes, Robert Stack. Creepy, creepy guy. He got born on January the 13th. He was a creepy son of a bitch. Rip Taylor? Rip Taylor. Yeah, I remember him. Don't remember him. Oh, very...

Who? Very boisterous, flamboyant man. Julia Louise Dreyfuss? Oh, I love her. Yeah, she's funny. Elaine Bennett. She's dead. No.

She was born on... Born on January the 13th. Oh, this is funny. Elaine Bennett. She's dead. No. She was born on January 15th. Oh, I thought there was a death list. See? Probably the 13th. That'll be next week. Kelly Rudy? Kelly Rudy. Goaltender extraordinaire.

Oh, we didn't say congratulations to Team Canada either. Oh, yeah. Congratulations, Team Canada. What a fucking win. What a win. I was proud. Good going. What a fucking win. What a win. He was proud. Good going. That was fucking amazing. Went to overtime. Made lots of money that night.

Michael Pena. Alright. He's an actor. Orlando Broom. Broom. Broom. Liam Helmsworth? Imagine if his name was Orlando Broome.

He'd have to become a janitor. He'd have to. Oh, and Connor, fuck, McDavid. Connor McDavid of the Klan McDavid. All right, you know what? We got to go fucking talk to Randy see if we'll fucking get the daddy thing going with the lights. Just as if...

Oh, you wanted... Just to start, we'll take some pictures. We'll get it online. So we're going to pretend to kill Randy? Well, we'll just make it look like he's dead.

Well, put him in. We need a coffin, though, to make it look... to really sell it. I could whip up a coffin. All right. You whip up a coffin. Ricky, you make some

sandwiches or something. Roll some joints. That's it. Say goodbye. Wow, that's a fast goodbye. Goodbye, I guess. Bye. See you next week.

Money, we're going to make some money. To watch the video version of Park After Dark in my fucking trailer, go to SwearNet.com or download the SwearNet Trailer Park Boys app. Fuck off.