Trailer Park Boys Presents: Park After Dark - Episode 36 - Oscar Mayer Weiner Drivers

Episode Date: February 1, 2021

The Boys are considering a career move - do they have a sweet future ahead, or are they gonna be hot-dogging it?! Also: hunting for samsquamptches in Oklahoma, the perils of the left cheek sneak, and tall hairy hillbillies!

Oh Now this always holy fuck How long it's this fucking asteroids tournament kick ass You said fucking ten minutes like two hours ago. And I also said I'm kicking fucking ass. Right now. Yeah! You're on a mission.

I'm on a major mission here, bubs. Will I just do this by myself then? Sure, man. Can we do it some other time? Can we do it another time? Yeah, can't we just do it like tomorrow? No, we can't because it's Friday and the people are expecting it on the Friday. People will be fucking outraged if it comes out on Saturday.

Yeah, but maybe it'd be better if we waited for a fucking day. You know what I mean? No, it wouldn't because then you got all the fucking dickleheads fucking coming aboard me. Dickleheads? Dickleheads. Dickle fucking. Deckleheads? Deckleheads. Dickle fucking. Why not digheads? It's January 29th.

Must be a leap year. Thank fuck. Get this fucking month over with. Why? What's wrong with this month? Because we want to get February over with even more because it's going to be colder and shittier. So we want to get that out of the way as well. So bring on February. Let's get the fuck done.

And then it'll be daffodil time. Well, we got a little bit longer. Daffodil time. Maybe in April? May maybe for the daffodils? What do you mean, Ricky? What's daffodil time? I think they come out early, don't they? I don't know when fucking daffodils come out. I believe they are the first of the flowers to appear in the springtime air. Wow!

What's in with this guy? I like when Ricky gets so high that he tries to sound like a proper... Fucking dispensary hash. I spoke some and I am feeling a little bit weird today. Okay, well that's a good thing. Ricky, for the rest of the program, you should pretend you're a distinguished English gentleman. I need a hat for that.

No, you don't need a hat. You could just be a proper English gentleman. Still got a hat around here, man. Just try to use the word Doth and stuff. Mayonnaise and scrambled eggs. All right. Gross. I love that combination. Fucking gross, man.

You would love it. You don't even know. You don't even need much. Just like a little fucking teaspoon, a little tablespoon. It makes it a little silky. You don't taste the mayo, but it changes the whole compazilition. It's called flavor gumption. No, that's not right.

It just changes the texturama. Texturama. Boys, you guys are fucked. I'm trying to get it together here, man. I will try it. I'd rather just guzzle them down. Get away from me. What have you done to that?

What the fuck are you talking about? Are you using your muscle wax? That's shined up. That's not shined up. Look at the shine coming off that, Ricky. There's definitely some makeup on them or something. There's no makeup on my fucking arms, boys. What the fuck is wrong with you guys? It's got a sheen to it like I've never seen.

You're accented today. Did you shave them? Nothing. I don't shave my fucking arms. What the fuck, man? Do you shave anything? I might leave the sound and set it all. Right down to the woods.

Some manscaping. Is that what you're talking about? I don't know. Everybody does that, I think, don't they? A little grooming. A little haircut here and there. That doesn't hurt. Uh-oh.

That's an ambulance. Good. It's not good. Somebody's having a. Good. That's not good. Somebody's having a horrible time. Yeah, it doesn't involve us, so fuck them. Does an ambulance have a different siren than a... Yes, Bob's. And so does the fire truck.

There's three different ones. Fire truck. That was a police car. How does the fire truck go? Let's hear it. It's just a little bit longer. In my opinion, a little bit louder. Although the English guys claim it's the same.

Something like that, right? That's a fire truck. Ambulance? Well, you just heard the ambulance. I think the police car is a little faster. They got all kinds of fucking noises. They got the... They fucking... I want one of those. They They got all kinds of fucking noises. They got the... They fucking... I want one of those.

They got a whole arsenal of fucking noises. It's to get the fuck out of my way or pull the fuck over. You remind me of the guy from Sesame Street right now. What? You know. I don't want a... Give me a... Or the guy from Police Force.

Made all the fucking sounds. No, man, that guy was good. Police Academy. Yeah, that guy was fucking me. He's still doing that shit. Michael something. Michael Winslow or Wilson. Jesus Christ, man.

I don't know where I pulled that from, but he was good. He was really good, man. He's still good. Michael Manfred. Manfred Man. Manfred Man, you know. This may interest you, my friend. Looking to make a little extra bank?

Whoa. I suggest you head to Oklahoma. You're not going to Oklahoma. They're trying to fucking, the lawmaker wants to create an official Bigfoot hunting season. Are you serious? They don't want you to kill them. They want you to trap them. And if you do.

Oh, I could trap the cocksucker. $25,000. $25,000. $25,000. Okay, now you got my attention. That's American dollar. Yeah, but... So that's over $35,000. You got my attention.

Well, there's a reason why they haven't fucking trapped one yet. Or killed one. Because they haven't had a season. Now they're going to have an official season. See, it doesn't matter, man. They don't exist. Oh, really? It's just a crazy fucking nut job running around in a gorilla suit.

They've caught them on camera, man. Oh, come on, boys. He's got a different gait than a gorilla. People can mimic the fucking gait. Nope, they can't. It's just like, do you remember, well, it's supposed to be fucking giants way back when. Yeah. Huge motherfuckers.

So it could be from that lineage. Yeah, I don't know. It could be just some fucking really hardcore hillbillies. That's what I'm thinking. Hillbillies are fucked. Or it's their fucking ten-footers. There's ten-footers walking around. You know what?

This fucking town is smart because they're going to get all these crazy nuts fucking going out there trying to trap the fucking thing. It's just going to be good for the economy, man. Do they have a gift shop? Because that's probably all. That's probably going to be good for the economy, man. Do they have a gift shop? Because that's probably all. That's probably what it is. People are tall, man. Like, look at Kareem Abdul-Hajar.

There's lots of tall people. Tall. There's tons of people. And if they had those sort of genies that makes them what they is, it could be just hairy hillbillies that are tall. And people are like, fuck, that's a beast. That's a good band name. And then the guy's looking over and he takes off because he hates fucking people.

Right. Get me the fuck out of here. That's a great band name, the Tall Hairy Hillbillies. Yeah. We're the Tall Hairy Hillbillies. Tall Hairy Hillbillies. Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do- She's got legs. Used to crank that up on the Alpine. Knows how to use them. Remember those days, man, on the Alpine stereo with the speakers? Yes.

You just cranked the shit out of that tune. Fucking Eliminator, when Eliminator come out, that was... Remember you had the keychain, the ZZ Top keychain? Yeah, that was awesome. I used to put the big beard on and pretend I was Billy Gibbons. Remember? You had that thing where you could spin the guitar around. Yeah, you had that thing built. That was cool. I know, but I mis Billy Gibbons. Remember? You had that thing where you could spin the guitar. Yeah, you had that thing built.

That was cool. I know, but I misjudged it. Remember, I got it right there and got stitches. Your face was fucked up, man. I split myself open and got stitches. Black eyes. You look like you still have a nose, man. Oh, I did way worse than clonk myself with a guitar.

Break my jaw. The centrifuge I built, that was what almost killed me. Almost spun myself to death. Yeah, that was interesting, man. So this was a good learning lesson for us. Good, man. It's about making us better people, even though we steal sometimes. Yes.

This guy in Oregonregon or egon or or Oregon Oregon that's easy i it up he was he's a thief and he's scoping out the grocery store sees his car pull in woman gets out goes in the grocery store He's like Hmm Car's still running Bolts Gets in the car Tears off Driving down the street Thinking

Oh my god What a stupid idiot Just leaves her car running Goes into the grocery store All of a sudden Wah Wah Uh oh

Baby in the back Oh fuck Oh I thought you meant a goat Well it could have been Like a human baby Instead of Well, it could have been. Like a human baby? Instead of baby kid, it could have been a goat.

No, it must have been a human baby. No, it was a human because instead of, well, doing something crazy, he drove the car back to the grocery store, waited for the woman to come out and fucking said,

you stupid idiot. Probably called her some names. Yeah. Oh, he gave her some parenting. Leave your baby in the fucking car. How fucking dare you leave your fucking baby in the car and go into a fucking grocery store and leave your car running, you stupid fucking. And fuck up us people trying to make a living that just want to steal your fucking car now. I tried to steal your car fair and square and you booby trapped me.

Exactly. So you let her take the care of the car and you took the car anywhere. Fuck you. Did he get caught? Did he get caught? I don't know. I didn't hear it. I don't think he did. Well, good for him, man. I hope he didn't. So next time, let it happen to us, we have

to do that too. Check the back seat. Check the back seat. You like it so far? Check the back seat. You go in there, it's a hot summer day, there's a dog Check the backseat. Well no. Check the backseat. You like it so far? Check the backseat. You go in there, it's a hot summer day, there's a dog in the backseat, no windows down. Hot summer nights. We're taking a bat to somebody. Don't break the window. Taking a bat. Taking a bat. That's what we should start doing in the summertime. Going around the parking lots and looking for pets. If there's a pet in the car, we smash the fucking windows and give it some water. Let's smash the windows!

That's how you got cool now. Remember cool now? Cool now. Remember, he was overheating in the car. He's a good little fucker, man. Yeah, I'm glad we gave him to a firm, though. Yeah, dogs are, they like the firms. Oh, yeah, here's another good job we should apply for. What?

There's a candy company in Canada seeking full and part-time candyologists. Taste testers. 49 bucks an hour, by the way. Tasting candy. Yep. Yeah, because your teeth will fucking rot out of your fucking skull. No, they won't. Test brush. Your candy funnels.

I think is the name of it. Well, sign me up. Diabetes. You know what I mean? No. Tasting brush and tasting brush. I don't know, man. You're still absorbing that.

You're fucking doing it all day. You just drink lots. Do you have to swallow it? Or can you just chew it up? Nom, nom, nom, nom. It's good. Tasty. You probably have to.

You know what? The ad didn't mention any of those details. 49 bucks or eat the fucking thing whether you like it or not or get. 49 bucks an hour. How much candy do you got to pile in you in an hour, do you figure? I'd say you could set limits. Well, obviously, Ricky. They can't force feed you fucking candy.

We should call this company and get this information. And we shoot a documentary about it. And then if you die of diabetes, you die from the beaties. You sue. We have it all on fucking film. Us fucking suing Willy Wonka. Did one of you guys shit your pants? No.

Smells like it, doesn't it? Is that you, Bubbles? No, it's not me. That was not me. Ricky. I promise you, I feel it when that happens to me, and I felt nothing. I'm going to review the tapes. I bet you there's a moment I can see it on your face.

I bet there's a moment where Bubbles was like... No. Just so slight. I don't do the left cheek sneak. Right? That's a good song. Was there a little lean forward? Oh, the left cheek sneak.

Well, Julian's mother came over to my house, dirty as usual. What? What kind of a song is that? That's just the first cheek sneak to my mother coming over. Yeah. That's how the song goes. She comes over and we're having dinner and then she does the left cheek sneak and she gets thrown out.

You'd want to do that? She's probably, what, 70 by now, something, 75? You'd want to do the left cheek sneak. Probably had to do it when she was 15. She was dirty even back then. Yeah. Jesus. Look at Tammy. She was a fucking Anna Green Gables herself, wasn't she?

Was Anna Green Gables a whore? No. No. Your mom was a... Anna Green Gables herself, wasn't she? Was Anna Green Gables a whore? No. No. Your mom was a... Anna Green Gables wasn't. She wasn't a prostitute. No, but I'm saying Tammy was. What did I have to do with Anna Green Gables?

Nothing. She's the exact opposite of Anna Green Gables. That's what I'm trying to say. Oh, man. Remember when you... I like to roll the tape back for that one. For years, he thought her name was Anna Green Gables. Not Anne of Green Gables.

No, it makes sense. Anne. No, he thought her name was Anna. Three names. Anna Green Gables. Yes. Anna Green Gables. Yes, her middle name is Anna of Green Gables.

Last name Gables, just like Clark. Wow. It doesn'tables, just like Clark. Wow. It doesn't matter who gives a fuck. Like, if you fuck up Anna Green Gables, it doesn't matter. Next time you film porn and you upload it to a porn site. What? Just remember, you might get in trouble. Okay.

From who, Ricky? The authorities. Why? Eric and Lori Harmon from South Carolina decided to have sex on a 200-foot Ferris wheel. Oh, yeah. They uploaded it to a porn site, and now they're charged. Indecent exposure. She was also charged for urinating on vending machines and something else.

She was like a nasty, wasn't she? A weird couple. Nasty girl. They're having fun, I guess. There was a guy that, didn't they climb to the top of the pyramids and... Yeah, a guy did do that. Beat off or something? What did he do up there?

Beat off. I think he just went up there and had the GoPro. Did he get in trouble? Probably. he do up there? Beat off. I think he just went up there and had the GoPro. And did he get in trouble? Probably. Probably. He's probably in jail. Was it two people? I thought he was by himself. No, he was by himself. See, today's all about new careers, guys. Here's another option. In case you don't want to be a candy

tester. No. What was the first one? Candy tester, candy tester. Oh, Sasquatch Hunter. So there's three job options. Sasquatch Hunter, candy tester. Oh, Sasquatch Hunter. So there's three job options. Sasquatch Hunter, candy tester. That's not a job. That's a fucking spending money to go do something you're not going to do. Or Oscar Mayer is looking to hire a new crew of hot doggers to drive the Wienermobile.

Oh. You'd be good at that. It's from June to June. It's a full year. Yeah, you get to go all over the place. See different places. Or is it June 1st to June 30th? 2021 to 2022.

We should be doing that. I can see you being a hot dogger. Boys, I would drive the shit out of the hot dog. In the back, smoking, drinking, getting out. Hot dogs, everybody. That'd be awesome. At night, we could turn it into the cockmobile throw some laser lights in there recky we're not turning my oscar right in front of a fucking bar

yeah you know what i'm saying cockmobile we're not turning my oscar meyer mobile into the cock we won't do that but we're gonna have a lot of fun handing out hot dogs. Oh, my God. I would love to drive the Oscar Mayermobile. And you know what I'd like to do? I'd like to be on some little hovercraft or a skateboard behind the fucking hot dog. See it? Get it? Look at the hot dog behind the hot dog. Call you a hot dogger.

Yeah. It's the hot dogger, Rick. Would you wear a bun suit? Totally, man. Yeah, that's a good idea. Or you could be like a mustard bottle. Or I get lay in a bun with my head sticking to the top and I'm flying. Well, there's already the hot dog on the bun and the mobile,

but if we were towing you as a ketchup bottle or something on a skateboard. No, he's got to be the hot dogger. He's doing crazy shit. Yeah, hot dog man. Okay. Ricky the hot dog man. Fine. I'll tell you who I am.

Oscar Mayer. Holy fuck. Okay, that takes it up a notch. Hey, look at Oscar. He's hot dogging again. Well, you don't even really need me then. Oh, you got to drive. I just got furloughed. No, you're the driver of the Wiener Man. Yeah, but I mean, if I'm not the Wiener guy, then...

You're the Wiener Man. You could dress up as a wiener. Wiener Man, Wiener Man. The adventures of Wiener Man and Oscar Mayer. What a time we'd have. That'd be great. We would. Maybe we could get like, you know how the superheroes used to have like a car and a boat and we could have a wiener boat. And tow you up on one of the, you know, what's it called? The flying thing. Tow you behind the boat as Oscar Mayer. Then you could really do some hot dog and dipping around, shooting mustard on people. How many people can you cram into the Wienermobile? It's a pretty good crew. It's big. I'd say at least ten. All right. Ten people. Ricky, it's not like that big. It's not a van. It's about the size of the Batmobile.

It's bigger than you'd think. Would the Batmobile be faster than the Wienerbiel? Fuck yeah, man. Oh, yeah. The Wienerbiel is not for speed. No, but I mean, what if you soaked it up? You know what? We should get some ladies working with us with, like, little bikinis made out of, like, Wiener uh buns hot dog buns a bunch of air

shocks one there one there just like a little hot dog bun on there with a string and down there what's the thong hot dog bun thong yeah but they would get all crumbly no you can i mean we can probably make it out of some fabric man oh. Oh, I'll hunt you, man, an actual hot dog bun, because that's just going to crumble. That might be all right as well. Actually. Jesus Christ. Cracky. All right, we got to call these people.

We got to fucking get the details, man. Do you have their number? I wouldn't mind applying for that job. I'm sure you can find it. It's the fuckingcar meyer guys okay if anybody out there if anybody out there knows the hawk oscar meyer guys i don't want big company fellas i'll call them right here's the problem i think they're looking for like you know university people type age why that because look at us

him dressed up we're not gonna sell a lot dressed up as a wiener. We're not going to sell a lot of hot dogs. You dressed up as Oscar Mayer. Like Oscar Mayer wasn't like a surfer dude. All right, let's apply. Oscar Mayer. Listen to this story, Mr. Cat Lover. Hot dog job. Missing cat found three years after California mudslide.

Oh, I know. Isn't that something? They thought he was died in the mudslide, and guess what? Microchip. Cats are too fucking smart. He made her out. Microchip found the motherfucker alive. Yeah.

The mom died, unfortunately, in the mudslide, but the dad, husband was alive, and they gave the motherfucker back to him three years later. What a great story. That's a nice, heartwarming story. Holy fuck, the Wienermobile is bigger than I thought. I told you, man. I saw the picture. It looks like a, heartwarming story. Holy fuck. The Wienermobile is bigger than I thought. I told you, man. I saw the picture.

Shit. It looks like a fucking hot dog spaceship. It's awesome. We're doing it. I'd like to have one of those. Jesus Christ. Look at the size of that thing. Okay.

I'm calling them right now. See, we should be getting paid right now for fucking Oscar Mayer promoting their hot dog movie. Totally. Well, we should talk to them about that. How do I contact them? There's someone else you need to contact, Bubbs, and they're in Hawaii. Who's that now?

Hawaiian. Hefty. They're being polite. Hawaiian cat. Needs a new home to lose weight. He's 24 pounds. Jesus. He should be eight.

Oh, he's a big boy. They said even his tail is pretty much fat. A fat tail? I've never heard of a fat tail. Oh, for fuck's sakes. What? When you hit apply now, it says the file's corrupted. I want to apply.

Oh, for fuck's sakes. There goes my fucking hot dog crib. You know how you get that job? Old-fashioned, handwritten's sakes. There goes my fucking hot dog crib. You know where you get that job? Old-fashioned, handwritten letter. Yep. And pictures of us. Yep. Ready to go.

Yeah, here's my two buddies that go to jail constantly. Bodyguards. Because you're such a big celeb. That's right, you're the wiener man. You need some muscle. He's got plenty. He's got plenty to go around. All right.

And now for one of the dumbest stories about dumb people. All right. And this is in Kelowna. Sassy. Of all places. I fucking love Kelowna, man. I love it, too. Anything goes.

It's a free-spirited town. Anyway, at the grocery store, the shipment of bananas came in. A shipment of bananas. From Colombia. From Colombia. 21 kilos of cocaine inside the bananas. In the bananas. Yes.

21 kilos of blow. So instead of saying, holy fuck, we can retire, they called the cops. Where did it show up? At a grocery store? In the bananas. We should start importing a lot of bananas. That's a lot of cocaine, isn't it? Twenty one kilograms? It's a lot of work.

Do the math on that. I can't, but it sounds like a lot. It is. That's worth a lot of money. How big like a kilogram would be? Probably like that. Twenty one of those. I mean that's...

That's a lot of bananas. I've seen the movie Blow. I those. That's a lot of bananas. I've seen the movie Blow. I know that goes for a lot of money. Boston George would have a big rod on it. That's awesome. You know, even if you sold it for $10 a grand. Yeah, but you know what? You sell it, that's when the word gets out, my friend.

And that's when the- One-shot deal. Come and get you. Or you bury it for ten years. Whoever lives gets it all. Remember the movie True Romance?

Something like that. Or you just get in the phone book and you look up somebody with the last name Escobar and you call them up. Hey! I got something

that you might want back. Do bananas ring a bell? Maybe it could work in a deal. They'd probably get a machine. Not everybody with the last name Escobar was a dealer though, so that might not work. Well, it's January 29th. It's not a very exciting day.

1964, Dr. Strangelove premiered. That's decent. That's decent. 1969, this would have been amazing. Jimi Hendrix and Pete Townshend wage a battle of guitars. What? I'd like to fucking be a mosquito on the wall for that one. What happened? Did anybody get cut?

What? Get it? I don't think it was a tryout. No, a battle of guitars, I mean. Oh, fuck. Were they swinging them at each other? I can't believe you didn't know this happened to us. Where was this at? How do I not know about that?

I don't know, but I wonder if there's any video. I don't believe so, because I would... Audio? I don't think I would know. Maybe not, though. I don't think I've got any internet voice. Who are you? Who, who, who, who? Tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick.

Three birthdays today. Julian's gonna be a fan of all three actually. Ooh. Great. Schwarzenegger, Eastwood. I don't know how he'd stack them up, but. Schwarzenegger, Eastwood, and Boulogne. How does he do it? Who?

He raises his eyebrows. Who? Who does that? Magnum P.I. Tom Selk. Come on. Tommy S. Tommy S. he calls him.

No, I mean, it was a good show back in the day, right? Magnum Pie. Everybody watched it. Yeah, I watched it. Everybody watched it. He had a cool Ferrari. I liked TC. He was cool.

TJ, wasn't it? Could have been. The helicopter guy. Yeah, he died. Yeah, he did. Did he? I don't know. In the sack?

No, I just realized as the words were coming out, I was thinking of somebody else. The other guy, the old dude, I think he's gone, isn't he? No, he's gone. TJ, I think, I don't know. I'd have to look it up. TJ Hawker. One of your other favorites, Oprah Winfrey.

That's a bizarre one to call my favorite Ricky. You've said some things about her. I have said some things like sometimes. Yeah. I get it. You know. Why not? It's Oprah. You joined her book club.

And you did subscribe to the W Network. No, I didn't. You guys are fucking lying. You were going to change your name to the W Network. No, I didn't. You guys are fucking lying. You were going to change your name to Stedman. No, I'm just saying. You know. There was a time I may have dated her. Well, I definitely would have.

She's a fucking hunk. Are you kidding me? I prefer Feldonah Hill. I'd marry her in a second. She's a beautiful lady. Feldonah Hill. I preferred him. And a second. She's a beautiful lady. Fel Donahue, I preferred him. And the last one I think we can all say is a bit of a favorite. Heather Graham.

Holy fuck. That was a good reaction. Yeah, she used, you know. Yeah, Heather Graham. Yeah, what movie was she in that was like, whoa? Was she a roller skate girl or something? Oh, she was in Hangover, wasn't she?

Yeah, something like that. James Wood was fucking teeing off. Yeah. What? Yes, man, he was married to her, I think. No, he wasn't, in real life? Yeah, man, for a long time. Oh my god, that's horrible. Yeah, that's just not a... For who? For her. Oh my God. That's horrible. Yeah.

That's just not a. For who? For her. Oh yeah. Well. Jesus Christ. Who knows? Maybe he comes well equipped.

You never know. He's a fucking donkey. He's got some issues, isn't he? He wasn't married to Heather. Fuck yeah, he was married. James Woods. Yes. I know they were definitely together for a while. Ten years at least.

You're still the right one. How in the fuck was he punching that high above his weight class? He must be packing. He's a smart man. Jesus, Murphy. He's got game. He's got game. He knows how to use it.

All right. Let's go. Where? it. All right. Let's go. Where? Oklahoma. All right. Well, we got a call first, but I am game. Why are we going to Oklahoma? The squamshes.

Oh, I thought you meant we're going to Oscar Mayer. We'll get them both dead. Whoa. Yeah. See? This is going to be a good year, man. I like this rookie. Goodbye.