Trailer Park Boys Presents: Park After Dark - Episode 37 - The Kittyman

Episode Date: February 8, 2021

Bubbles is on a high after his Kittyman sea shanty went viral - Ricky and Julian are just high 'cause they ate f**king mushrooms! Before they go off the rails, they discuss naked bag rats, the 2021 Super Bowl, and why cat tattoos are f**ked. Also on the menu: duck fingers, candy Kraft dinner and head in a basket!

Come on boys, let's go. I got the atmosphere perfect. Just a second. You know what, I can't wait till it's nicer out so Ricky can smoke dope outside or open the windows. Fuck off and stay at your own house. It's just like, I didn't even want to get high today. And I think I'm fucking high right now. Good. You're a lot fucking funner when you're high. I don't have to be high to be fucking a fun guy.

You're not a great street person. I'm too high. What are you talking about? Well, you're lame when you're street. You know what, Ricky? I was reading on the thing there on the internet when one of our page things. Yeah. There was a guy saying, you know those guys are just fucking actors and they don't actually have never smoked dope in their life.

That's what he said about you. Everybody smokes dope. Come on over. We'll see who fucking smokes dope. I read that. You know these guys have never actually smoked dope in their life, right? So how you doing man, with all your sort of newfound fame? Oh, Rick, you got silly.

It was good, man. You did good. I think it could have been better though. It's fucking catchy, man. Should have gave her. Should have really gave her. I like it. You gave her, bud. It's a great drinking song. It is a catchy, man. Shoulda gave her. Shoulda really gave her. I like it. You gave her, bud.

It's a great drinking song. It is a good drinking song. The Kittyman. Fucking Kittyman. Might have to do an extended version with more verses. People fucking... people liked it, man. You should do like a fucking music video or something, man. All kinds of cats and shit. Go down to the pier with a bunch of cats, bud? I want to do a show about a pirate kitty.

A pirate kitty? A pirate kitty. I think that would be pretty decent. Well, yeah, there's been like the littlest hobo and lassie and shit. There hasn't been really any cat ones, has there? No, not like rompics. Fuck, man, get on it. Kitty pirate, you know?

I'm like Puss in Boots. Get the fucking camera dicks to follow you around. He was a bit of a pirate, wasn't he? But I mean like an old, you know, like an old sea cat. With a wooden leg. No, I don't want a kitty with a wooden leg. Too dangerous. Especially if you're having a fire.

Big fucking Super Bowl weekend coming up, boys. You gonna join us, Julian? I don't know, man. I'm so fucking, I'm like kicking ass. Super Bowl. I'm in it, man. I'm here. Just keep talking.

Is the Super Bowl even gonna happen? Do I give a fuck? No, is it ever? The big question is, do I give a fuck? You don't. Well, it's another excuse to fucking party. Eat good food. It's the one day of the year you can eat chicken wings and not feel guilty. Why do

we, Ricky, you don't? You don't feel guilty about eating chicken wings, man? I don't, but a lot of people do. Who? Just people that are fucking feast on. They're sad they drove them into their fucking healthy bodies. Don't have to worry about that shit. Yeah, you got the old guy against the young guy. It's going to be a fucking battle.

I don't even know who the fuck's in the game. Who's playing? Kansas City, Tampa Bay. I'm going to Kansas City. I'm going to bring my baby back home. Who's going to win, man? It's going to be? I don't know I'm going Kansas City Who is it, Kansas City and who?

Tampa Bay Kansas City won last year So I might have to lean towards Tampa But I don't know I think fucking Mahomes is unstoppable Would you put money on it? I'm putting money on it Alright, so am I

You sure about this? Tampa? Tampa by what? How many points? I think it's going to come down to the last fucking play. Of the whole game. It might. Either that or it's going to be a fucking blowout.

It's either going to be really close or it's going to be a blowout for Kansas City. I don't know. Well, Ricky, I mean, you can say that about any fucking game. No, no. It's either going to, that team's either going to win or they're going to win. No, Tampa Bay is not going to blow Kansas City away. Kansas City could blow them away. But I think it's going to be close.

Anyway, I'm going to get fucking hammered all weekend and I'm going to make foods you've never even heard of. Could we hear of them now? No. What are you going to make foods you've never even heard of. Could we hear of them now? What are you going to make? What are you thinking? Duck fingers. Duck fingers? Duck fingers? Why?

Are they better than chicken fingers? I think so. I fancy myself a little bit of duck once in a while. Fuck that. After living in the woods. Greasy old duck fingers. What are you gifting me? Chicken fingers are fairly greasy anyway.

We'll have to come up with some different types of sauces. I'm not fucking eating duck fingers, man. Duck fingers. No way. Pickle fingers. Now, a deep fried pickle. You fucking get my attention with that. Coins or fingers?

I like both. I like spears. You know, cut a big old deller into four spears. But I also like the thin coins because you get more batter per square inch. Remember you made a pickle pizza. That was fucking pretty good. Maybe we'll have pickle pizza and duck fingers. Dirty pickle pizza. I'll have a fucking pretty good. Oh, pickle. Maybe we'll have pickle pizza and duck fingers. Dirty pickle pizza. I'll have a fucking pickle pizza.

Some of our hot sauce? Garlic white sauce for the sauce. Just load the whore with as many fucking pickles as you can fit. Pickle coins. Fucking big load of cheese on it. We should have some of your new hot sauce. For fuck's sakes, when's that coming out? Is it not out?

I don't know. I don't have any. No, it's coming. No. When's that coming out? Is it not out? I don't know. I don't have any. No, it's coming. No. What's the date today? No, it's coming soon. Green bastard hot sauce. It'll fucking crank you one.

Jesus. It's fucking good. They're both good. We got to make a commercial for that, and I want you guys in it. I don't usually make commercials, but I don't know. I charge a hundred bucks for that. If you write down all the words and all I have to do is say them, I can do it. All right, well, I'll make you a script. I want to do it like a...

like an old wrestling commercial. Oh, yeah. Remember Macho Man doing the Slim Jims? Oh, yeah! Macho Man, really. Jims. Oh yeah. Macho man really. What was the tagline? Snap one off. Snap into it.

Oh yeah, it's not snap one off. Different product. Slim Jim, snap one off. Macho man, I heard the macho man. Beat your meat. Oh yeah. He's dead, isn't he? Macho man.

Randy Macho Man Savage. Yeah. Is he? Yes, man. Macho man passed away, I believe. What happened to that poor bastard? One too many. Oh, yeah.

Those guys, man. One too many fucking Slim Jims. No, Ricky. They live on the, those guys are on the red line all the time. Paddle to the metal. Fucking booze and stuff, you know. I don't want to say he was necessarily doing that, but a lot of those wrestlers are fucking wide open 24-7.

Was he into the nose blizzard? I don't know, but it's a popular one with the wrestling. He did have a lot of energy. I mean, those guys, all those wrestlers are, you know, they like their stimulants. Let's just say that. A little snowstorm in your nose and all of a sudden you're full of energy. Oh, yeah. Do you remember the one where he, it was like in a school?

There was like a professor or something, like an old guy, and he came when the budget went up. All of a sudden, he came swinging in on the chandelier or something and just wrecked the place. Oh, yeah. Would have been fun commercials to make. They started out, the first one was just like clearly. I bet he had new supply.

Oh, he probably got more than that. But the first one, their first commercial was very low budget yeah it was just him i think standing in front of some lockers and he pretended to rip the door off but clearly the door wasn't even bolted on but they just did it with a big sound like why did he rip it off it would have been way cooler no they he just lifted it off and they put in the sound of metal twisting that was low budget but about three, four commercials in obviously the budget went through the roof because he came swinging in on a chandelier and there was explosions and oh yeah Slim Jim snap into it. We're gonna do one.

Green Baskin Hot Sauce is gonna have a wrestling commercial. It's gonna make you snap one off. Green basket hot sauce. Gonna have a wrestling commercial. It's gonna make you snap one off. Oh, Ricky. Julian, maybe you could join us today. Don't you beat the high score, man. Maybe you could join us today.

Well, I'm, like, I'm kicking ass, man. It's hard to leave this thing. You know what, Warwick? Tune in next week when Julian joins us at the table. While we're waiting for him, can you tell me what a big word means? Yes. Xenophobia. Or xenophobia.

Xenophobia is... I don't know the actual definition. It's a fear of xenos? No, xenophobia is fear of, is it like something to do with religion? Like fear of a certain, I should know that. Xenophobia, it's not good. I shouldn't know it and I don't, so I'm good. I should know what that, here, I'm looking it up. Okay, good.

To get the official definition. Because it's not worth me to talk about this next thing. It's not good. It's not a good thing to be an old ass. Just wait. Because I need to know what it means in order to talk about this other thing. Xenophobia? Yeah. Do you know what it means? No. All right, that was honest.

I did what I've heard of it before. Oh, it's dislike or prejudice against people from other countries. Okay, so if you're xenophobic, you don't, like, you know, we're Canadian. Oh, I don't like people from that country. So, no, it's terrible. Is the person an asshole or has he just got this condition? No, no. If you're xenophobicobic you don't like them because

they're from another country yeah but does that make you a fucking asshole yeah or is it just the condition like if he didn't have xenophobia would he be an all right person it's not something you catch like a gold well no it's just what that he's got xenophobia yeah well don't you know it's not like a phobia though where you're like that's what's what I'm saying. You know, claustrophobia. Claustrophobia. No, it's not like that. It's just like, yeah, you're an asshole. You're just an asshole. Because you don't like people from other countries.

You're just a dick. What is claustrophobia? What's a fear of claustrophobia? No, claustrophobia means you're, you know, fear of, what is it? Small spaces? Yeah. Yeah, man. Like you're, yeah.

All right, well, now I know what that means. Have you ever heard of naked mole rats? What? They're fucking ugly. Animals? They look like your bag. All wrinkly, naked, no hair. And with these big buck teeth.

They're fucked. Okay. Anyway, so I guess they're xenophobias. They're xenophobic? They have all kinds of dialect in each little tribe or colony. There's like 300 of these fucking naked mole rats in each colony with one little queen. She gets to do all the fucking.

But she bosses everyone around. They have fucking jobs. There's like soldiers protecting the entrance. And I guess the xenophobia part I didn't understand is that if some asshole from another colony comes in, he's like, hey, what's up? They're like, fuck you, and kill him. Fuck you, you're from over there.

They kill him. So they're xenophobic. That's what it means. Now I get it. What are they called? Bag rats? Naked mole rats. Naked mole rats.

They're pulling up in your smart box, man. They're fucking weird looking creatures. Bag rats. You can never hook on to your fucking internet, man. They look like your wrinkly bag with buck teeth. Wrinkly bag, mole, naked mole rats. Picture your bag, Julian, with four legs and buck teeth. Jesus, man.

What a fuck picture. Picture it, Julian. I'm picturing it. I'm not picturing it, man. I am. No, I can't get on your internet, man. How do you know his bag's wrinkly? Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Could be smooth as anything. Mole rats, right? Naked mole rats? Yeah. All right, man. Does it look like your bag, Julian, with legs and teeth? Well, it's not there yet. I guess the tail could be your cock.

Jesus Christ, man. Oh, they're fucking gnarly looking. So is your bag. Jesus, fuck. I wouldn't want to fucking cross past with those little pricks. It looks like a fucking... Show me.

Looks like a wrinkly old... I can't see it. Where is it? It's this big thing. It's like a fleshy looking thing. Wellinkly old... I can't see it. Where is it? It's this big thing. It's like a fleshy looking thing. Hold it up so I can see it. It's a tiny little picture, is it? That thing there is huge. It's that big, man. Look at these fucking things. Here, look.

Naked mole rat. Imagine those... It's a little thumbnail. How do you expect me to see that? That's the bigger... That's... Man, it's almost 8.10. The fuck, bubs? Thumbnail. Remember a long time ago you showed me a video about this bear that was chasing a skier and then we found out it was fake? Yes. Well, they probably should have never made that video because there was a real one that happened in Romania.

Cocksucker's skiing and a bear starts chasing him big time. People are going up the lift and watching it happen down below them. They're trying to scare the bear. The bear's like, fuck you, I'm going to eat this cunt.

Did they catch him? No, he threw his back, he took his backpack off and threw it and it distracted the bear. The bear went to the backpack looking for food and then he got away.

Got away. That'd be fucking pretty terrifying. But what, that had nothing to do with the original video. No. This is brand new. That's what I mean. You said they shouldn't have made that because...

Well, I think it caused the bear to say, fuck, yeah, if we chase these skiers, we can feed. It was just one guy, right? But you think the bear saw the original video and it gave him the idea? Well, it's never happened before until the video came out. Bears don't watch TV, man. How is that? Okay.

Are you kidding me? You're going to fucking argue with me on this one? What do you think they do? They walk around. They spend all day or night or whatever. Where do they get a TV, Ricky? They just got a ski resort. They got fucking TVs outside.

He probably just sneaks up to the edge of the woods. Fuck. Check his shit out. Then he's like, oh fuck, look at that bear chasing the skier. Yummy. Great idea. Oh and look, there's skiers going by right here. Fuck, it would be terrifying though. Having a bear chasing you. Well, you know, when you're on your skis, you're like, okay, if I fucking hit a bump and go down... Get that ski pole ready. I'm going down his yacht.

Put a right in its mouth and. Yeah, anything, man. I don't know what you're talking about, a huge animal, man. Big grizzly bear grab a hold of you. I mean, you don't have a fucking chance. Ski pole, he's just gonna take that like a little toothpick, thank you.

I'll use that to get your meat out from between my teeth after I fucking eat you. I don't think a bear could use a toothpick, Bugs. No, of course not. I mean, he can fucking have a TV and pay a cable bill. Yeah, use a controller. Use the remote and fucking Google YouTube videos, but he definitely couldn't use a toothpick.

Well, it would be terrifying. I wonder who would win a fucking war if a bear went into a naked mole rat colony. Does that smell extra strong, that vodka? Do you think 300 rats could take on a bear? How many rats? 300. No. No, man. How many rats? 300. No. No, man.

There's no fucking way. They're doing nothing. To a bear. Yeah. What are they going to do, Ricky? They can't bite them. They got fucking long buck teeth, man. They can't bite a fucking bear.

They might get him right in the throat. His fucking skin's like, he would just go like that. Just like wiping bees off. Power of numbers, man. I don't know. 300's not enough. Maybe 3,000 might be able to, but even then,

he's just going to dance on them. Yeah. Squimsh them. So how do we convince the mole rats that they need more people in their colonies in case of a bear attack? Or am I just way off here?

You're way off. You don't refer to them as people. What are we talking about? We need more people, guys. What the fuck are we talking about here, Ricky? You drag me down these tangents when I'm baked. And I think I actually care about it. Came right down the squirrel hole with me.

All right, so how many of those bagged fucking rats would it take to take down a human? Oh, one or two, probably. No, more than one. They're like that big, man. Okay, ten, maybe eleven. Ten to distract, one to go for the neck. Oh, man.

My eyes feel like they're not... It's from the weed, man. The smoke. It sounds like they're squeaking. Can you hear that? Listen. They're making noises. Oh, fuck. What?

You put mushrooms in those eggs, didn't you? Those weren't store-bought mushrooms. Becky, they were in your fridge. I know, I just thought of that now. That's why they tasted so different. Oh man. Oh, we're on mushrooms again. You know what? It's good. There wasn't a lot in there. You didn't use them all though, right? I did. You know what? It's good. There wasn't a lot in there. You didn't use them all, though, right? I did.

Oh, I didn't have mushrooms in my eggs. Because they smelled a little off. You guys had them, though. No shit. But my eyes do squeak. Maybe we're just hearing them squeak and you're not. Fuck, you know what? I don't care. It's Friday. I'm doing it.

Like, bring it on. Good. I like your attitude. I like your happiness. Just go with it, man. I'm not happy. I'm going with it, too. Can I eat one of those mushrooms to test if they were bad?

I hope so. You just wake up the next morning and you just feel like you've been hit by a truck sometimes, you know? Speaking of getting hit by a truck, how would you like to be this cunt? Buys a brand new car, leaves his house to go to work, hits two fucking deer. Sad story? Well, it gets a little better. Okay.

He's like, I'm having a bad day. Fuck this. I'm going home, going back to bed. Goes home, goes back to bed, has a nice little snooze, wakes up, checks his lottery tickets. He won two million dollars. That motherfucker. What a fucked up day that would be.

It's like a, what do you call it when it's up and down? Emotional roller coaster, man. Boom. It just ended up pretty good, man. Two million bucks. So he hit two deer. Fucked a brand new car, fuckeded the deer in Peugeot. Oh, I see.

Brand new car, and he wrecked the car by hitting deer. He probably wrecked the deer, too. Oh, I'm sure. Poor man. Poor little deer. So he went home because he was pissed off and defeated that he wrecked his new car, and he won the lottery. I would see him. When I get pissed off, I never think, fuck, I should go home and go back to bed and go to sleep.

You never think that. No. I should, because then I probably wouldn't... Go to jail. Well, or do stupid, crazy shit. But anyway, weird move. And then he wakes up. Ah, fuck.

You know what? Maybe I'll check my lottery tickets. Oh, fuck. Oh, I've got... Two million bucks! I've got lottery tickets out in the green basket truck. You win them or split in it, man. Out in the green basket truck I bought.

Pre-bought. Pre-bought ten weeks of 649. Is this yours? Woo! I'm going to win her, boys. Let's hope you win, buddy. I'm going to win her. This is...

If I win the ten million... Yes? I'll give you million. Yes. I'll give you a hundred grand. Come on. What? A year? No, lump sum. I'll take it.

I'll take a salary of a hundred grand a year, but I will help you out. I'll turn that. I'll give you more money. I'll turn that a hundred grand into 40 million. Okay, well, perfect. Then you can give it back to me when you're done. So then I'll take 20% of any profit I make off your money.

That's all I want, is 20. That's the going rate, man. I'm not talking to you about this right now. This was a hypothetical dream situation. Well, if you do win, we will have this discussion. I'm not making deals with you on hypothetical dream money. Would you ever put a tattoo on a cat? No. Even if it looks on a cat? No.

Even if it looks badass like that? Nope. Look at that, man. He looks badass. Let me see. You got a thumbnail up again. It's the whole fucking screen. He's got what, barbed wire around his neck?

No, it's a tattoo. No, you can't do that. No. I don't know, man. Looks pretty good to me. Unless you can prove the cats don't have feelings. They do, Ricky.'t do that. No. I don't know, man. Looks pretty good to me. Unless you can prove the cats don't have feelings. They do, Ricky. It's proven.

But he looks like he's tough, man. He didn't give a fuck. He doesn't want that on there. Throw him some nip. Give him some food. No, because you're dinging him with a needle. You can't do that. If you let him pick out one he liked... It's not about the fucking design, Ricky. It's about sticking a needle in a kitty. You can't do that.

If he could speak English, he'd be like, fuck you with your needle. What if you started putting the needle in just to see how he'd react and he started burning? Yeah, he'd lugged it. Well, first of all, that wouldn't happen because they don't enjoy pain. All right, I'm just saying. A temporary tattoo, maybe.

Just like a henna tattoo. But you'd have to be sure. You'd have to run tests to make sure he's not going to have an allergic skin reaction first and swell up like a fucking balloon. Like a watermelon, kitty. What would make you want to give your dad a tattoo? Remember what was it? Because he's a fucking badass, man.

What did you say? Give your dad a tattoo? A tattoo. I guess that's what it is. Seems like he's pretty happy. He's happy now that he lived. Probably wasn't happy. He was strapped down.

Getting needled. Unless they fucking gave him the juice, made him pass out. Well, you can't do that either. You can't be fucking putting kitties under to give them tattoos. Every time you put a kitty under, there's risk. Well, here's the mama to this cat, the one that owns it, the lady. Would you say, no, honey, don't do that? Was she good looking?

Yes, I would tell her don't do that. I don't give a fuck if she looks like that. I don't know, man. You can't be a toughy. Oh, so she's an attractive lady, therefore she gets to torture animals? Well, no, I'm not saying that. I'd say it'd be hard to say, hey, hi.

Oh, I know you cut my cat's legs off, but Jesus, you're pretty hard. It's just a fucking tattoo. What's Feta saying about this? That's insanity. What? What would Feta say about that? Peter? Not Feta.

Who's Feta? Peter's something you fucking wrap around meat and eat. You wrapped different Peter, Ricky. Who's Fida then? Jesus, man. He's the guy that's in charge of fucking animal not getting cruel. Fida.

No? No, it's Peter with an E, Ricky. Peter, man. Not Pita. Fida? Fida. Anyway, whoever the fuck it is would probably not be happy about people getting their fucking tats tattooed.

I can't even say it. What are you trying to say? Go think about it and then slow. He's trying to say, cats tattooed. Okay. But he keeps saying, tats tattooed. Oh, fuck. Mixing up your letters.

One, two, three. We're going to have a wild one. It's going to be a wild one tonight, bubs. A waka-fucka wild one. And you're not passing out. You're staying up all fucking night. Oh, I'm not passing out. I got a good snack.

You are the chef. We'll see. I'll be the chef. Salami tugboats. Salami tugboats. Fucks them over we gotta go fucking duck hunting

we're not going duck hunting let's just get some fucking chicken okay just chicken fingers it's too regular put some sauce on it man how about a turkey

turkey fingers would be nice turkey fingers alright or a fez turkey no I don't want fez fingers how about this Turkey. Turkey fingers would be nice. Turkey fingers, all right. Or a fez-erky. No, I don't want fez-erky fingers. How about this? Swan? No, Ricky. We're not going down there.

I heard that's disgusting, man. You know somebody that ate a swan, don't you? Yeah, I've heard about someone eating a swan, yeah. Did they eat the neck? Don't know. Didn't get into it. Why would you ask that, Ricky? I've always liked the swan's neck.

I always wanted one. I believe you spoke about that when we were in Amsterdam and I almost died. You'd go to jail if you try to make fucking, if you try to eat one. You're in jail. No, you can eat a swan. Not if you're in England. The queen owns them all. She owns all the swans in the world, man. What? I think it's just over there,

isn't it? The queen owns all the swans. She owns all the swans. I think it's just in her country. I don't know. Why not just take it up to global swan fucking... Ownerage. Yeah. I don't think it's something you normally eat. So if the queen was out for a walk and somebody

was feeding poison So if the queen was out for a walk And somebody was Feeding Poison to the swans At the pond The queen could go hey get the fuck away from my swans I mean she could say that anyway Because she's the queen If it was poison she'd probably fucking send them Right to the guillotine

Well they don't do that anymore But she would have back in the day I think it's grandfathered in for swans Okay Guillotine. Yeah. Well, they don't do that anymore, but she would have back in the day. I think it's grandfathered in for swans. Okay. Well. You can still get guillotined. Imagine. If you fucking were a swan.

The guillotine was an effective device. I bet if that fucking. Very effective. If that girl knew that she might get guillotined. Oh, Jesus. I just had a fucking vision of being in one. Don't even think about it, man. If she knew that she could get guillotine for tattooing a cat,

she probably wouldn't have done it. It's a strong deterrent. Let's bring it back. Especially when you do it out in the public circle. You know, everybody gathers around and they fucking do it. We're bringing it back. The old head go right in the basket. People used to love that shit you'd have to be a hundred percent oh i just had a horrible like because your brain's probably you're probably still thinking for at least how

long 20 seconds they say don't they oh jesus imagine you're just in the basket locking up oh Locking up. Oh, fuck. I'm not going anywhere. I'm not going anywhere now. You'd be like, fuck, didn't kill me. This is weird. And then it'd be like, try to take a breath. Wait now. Dead. Yeah.

Well, you could take a breath. No, you couldn't. Things would just start to fizzle out. Then it's good night. Yeah. So if your head was in a guillotine basket, okay, so look, Ricky, you just got guillotined. Your head fell in the basket.

What are you thinking? I'm alive. And then you try to move, and you're like,oh right now i'm paralyzed so that's what it would be like happy to confusion to but you know you're about to get your head chopped off so would you be happy that you're alive or would you be like ah fuck oh you might have thought it bounced off and you made it. You realized pretty quick that that's not what happened, I guess. You might think the fucking 40-pound razor-sharp blade

bounced off your spine. Well, yeah, I suppose. If you flex, do you think you could just stop it dead? Oh, man. It probably would only cut in a little bit, though. If you flex, do you think you could just stop it dead? No, man. It probably would only cut in a little bit, though. You guys are fucking... They'd have to add extra weight.

No, man. I'd be fucking darned. You wouldn't make it through your sinewy neck muscle. Puffs, you're being fucking ridiculous. Julian just flexes up. Fucking the blade stops. This was my favorite headline late last night. You'd have to get on it and jump on it to get it through you.

Slovakian woman gets a mouthful as robbery in progress. Oh, I heard about this. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you know what happened? What in the fuck? What a trooper. Explain it for the people that don't know what you mean. This guy goes in to rob, I guess, a store. Something in Slovakia.

Yeah. And she walks in in the middle of the robbery. And for some odd reason decided to blow the guy to distract him until the police got there. Yeah, that's true. He did a work. He did? Yeah. He got arrested.

He got arrested. But he got off. Hey! Science, off. Hey! Thanks, everybody! Mic drop. Thanks, everybody. We'll be back next week. That was good.

He got off. That's a... Why did she go there? What? Is that where her brain went? It worked. Hey, fuck. What do I do?

Is robbery going on? How do I delay this fellow? Well, you know what? Wasn't she where her brain went? It worked. Hey, fuck. I'm scared. What do I do? Is a robbery going on? How do I delay this fella? Well, you know what? Wasn't she with her kids and husband? What? Holy Jesus. I think so. Okay, I don't know about that.

I didn't know that part. That was left out of the story. She did it for her kids, man. But how does that benefit her kids? She told them for the team. Fuck her kids. Because, well, I mean, they got fucked for life. Was it her store?

No. Then that doesn't benefit her. Here, hold my beer, Johnny, I mean, they got... Was it her store? No. She was just... Then that doesn't benefit her. Here, hold my beer, Johnny. I got some work to do. Sorry, kids. Put your fucking hand over your eyes. Mommy's gonna blow the robber.

Okay, I think we're done here. I think we're done here, boys. I think we're done here. Hold. Cover your eyes, kids. mommy's gotta blow the robber as the robber i mean i've never really robbed a store where i had a blow job offered to me just out of the blue like that it's weird yeah that's a weird one what would you do julian you're robbing the store yeah woman comes in sees you with the gun you're freaked out because she's there you're like

fuck what do I do with this woman she's like how would you like me to perform oral sex on you sir that's a tough one

it is well it depends on how much money you have you gotta think about it but no I mean no because then

you're thinking chomp it's coming off that'll fucking stop yeah, because you're thinking chomp. It's coming off. That'll fucking stop you. Yeah, I never thought about the chomp. Yeah. How about stay focused on the job at hand? Rob in the store and get the fuck out of there.

There's a lot of money. If I got a lot of money, the fuck out of there. He may not have had sex for a long time either. Yeah, that's true. It's a tough one. Boys, there shouldn't be any factors like... Well, I'm glad I've never been put in that situation because it would be distracting.

I actually feel a little bit bad for the guy. You're fucked, Ricky. Yeah, man. You're fucked. Okay. Speaking of fucked, I'm not fucked. This person is fucked. This French national,

why would they describe a person as that? That means they're French, about the town. This French national? Why would they describe a person as that? That means they're French about the town. Hot to do. Okay, so this guy is French about the town, hot to do. National. French national. He decided he'd go to Spain to have his nose removed because he wanted to look more like a black alien.

What? Oh, yeah. You can pull him up. He's got quite the look on him. He had his upper lip removed. Oh, I think I saw this guy. He looks like the coronavirus. And his entire body, including eyeballs, are tattooed. I thought he was trying to look like the coronavirus. He's trying to look like a black alien?

And now he wants to modify his arms, his legs, his fingers, and the back of his head. Did anybody think to take him to the mental hospital? And get him some help? To look like an alien? Black alien. He should, somebody should. He looks fucked.

Somebody should take him in for an evaluation because he doesn't sound like he's well. I'm a little confused as to why he would want to do this. Maybe he's just artistic. His nose looks really fucked up. Whoa, dude. What the fuck, man?

Maybe he's just artistic. No, he's fucked in the head, bud. Oh, I've seen the picture of him. I thought he was trying to look like the coronavirus. He looks like the coronavirus. Wow. COVID-19 man Okay he's uh

Maybe people would find it Attractive I don't know I find it a little odd That's kind of weird man It's a weird look Well you can't diss on him that's what he wants to do Fuck him Well I think he's got some

You know issues Is he a pitcher or drawing on a cave somewhere? He's like, I don't want to look like that. I think so. He just wants to look like a fucking alien, man. He did it. He looks like an alien. I guess.

You can do whatever you want. All right. Wow. Wow. So Valentine's is coming up a week from Sunday. Did you hear what Kraft and Heinz Canada are coming out with? What? Wow. Wow. So Valentine's is coming up a week from Sunday. Did you hear what Kraft and Heinz Canada are coming out with? What?

Limited edition candy Kraft dinner. What the fuck? No. It's pink candy covered in their cheese sauce. What? Yeah. Candy flavored shit like noodles. I guess it's fantastic.

You have to go on their website and you have to have your best pickup line. So I thought maybe you might be able to enter the competition. Oh, can you get us some candy craft? It's the only way to get some. Best pickup line right now. I can't think about it. Let me look at the craft site. The woman of your dreams. Or the man of your dreams. Whatever you're into these days.

I like this old classic here. Can I just check your tag? Yeah, I thought so. Made in heaven. Not bad. That might be worthy of some candy. There's all kinds of those stupid ones. I know, but that's a good one.

Made in heaven. Get it? Alright. Candy. Craft dinner candy. Wow. Alright. We'll get to candy. Wow. All right. We'll get to it.

I'll see what I can do, okay? Just come up with some good lines, man. You can do this. You've got to focus. It does look pretty. It looks pretty fucked up, man. It looks really fucked up. It's weird, but I like it.

I want to try it. Okay. All right. Last pickup line. I think you're really smart. You're a very smart, nice person. I was like, hey, I'm surprised you're not out of breath. Because you've been running through my mind all night.

Day, baby. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. I just prefer straight up, you're a very nice, kind lady. Lady. I would like to, I bet you we could enjoy a nice meal together. And a nice drink of something. Or you just go up to

them. Yeah, maybe. That's good. You know what? You've got beautiful eyes. Yeah? You just blink a little bit. Yep. That's how I would do it if I was in the game. You know? I'm surprised you're not naked right now. Because I'm here.

I guess that's not great. That's not a good one. That's terrible, Ricky. I get slapped or something. I'm surprised you're not naked right now because I'm here. Is that what you say to a stranger? That is not good. I mean, it might work. You know what the fuck thing is? One out of ten times, it'll

probably work. You could say that to your wife, maybe, like as a joke. You don't say that to a stranger. Jesus, Murphy. Boys, I gotta use it. All right, here's the birthdays we're celebrating today. February 5th, 1934. A pair of people.

Hank Aaron, who unfortunately passed. Recently. Recently? Long time ago, man. Hank Aaron. This year, I think. Okay, all right, move on. What?

Don Cherry. Don Cherry and Hank Aaron were born on the same day, 1934. Wow, didn't know that, man. 1985, Cristiano Ronaldo. And 1992, Neymar. Two soccer players born on the same day. Soccer stars. Nice, happy birthday, everybody.

Happy birthday, Don Jer. Sorry, Hank. Happy birthday, Don. Birthday. All right. Let's go get our Super Bowl food. I'm going to bed, I'm gonna have a little sleep, then I'm gonna check my lottery tickets.

Then we're going duck hunting.