Trailer Park Boys Presents: Park After Dark - Episode 38 - My Greasy Valentine

Episode Date: February 14, 2022

Love (and banging) is in the air as the Boys get ready for Valentine's Day! Does Bubbles have a love interest down at the Legion, and are her blowing days over? Also: Living your best life as a blind bisexual tortoise, and Wilf Carter the yodelling cowboy!

What are you doing, man? Are you lifting up? Uh-uh. What the fuck are you doing, man? I don't know. What was I doing? I don't know, man. You're freaking me out a little bit. Welcome to the park after the dark. It is February the 11th. Maybe I was floating away, was I? I don't know what the fuck you're doing, Bubz.

It's almost Valentine's Day. You guys ready for it? No. No, who's ready for Valentine's Day these days, man? I got all my Valentines made. Did you get me one? I made you one. Is there a special little lady that's gonna get a special little one with some chocolates, maybe? There's a few ladies down at the Legion that are going to be getting Valentine's.

Is there any of them under the age of 75? Yes, there's a few. That's shit, man. There's a few over that. There's a few under and a few over. I just like giving away Valentine's. You've got a gaggle of senior little love interests, don't you? They're not love interests.

I just enjoy their company, and I'm going to give them a valentine. Okay, what if one was to take her teeth out and come over you and start nibbling on things? Well, that wouldn't happen, first of all. And I wouldn't let any of them nibble on me with their gums. Why would I do that? Or would you put something into the mouth? No, I wouldn't. Yes, you would.

No, that's not my style. Oh, come on. It's not my style. What about that one? What's her name? The one with the fucking red hair. Like, really red. Margaret.

Early Jesse, Raphael. No, no, no. Margaret at the Legion. Margaret. She's got a full set of dentures, man. Yeah, a lot of them do. I don't see your... That's why you're a weirdo.

You'd be looking, Bubz, if something happened, you'd be looking down to just see this big fucking crazy redhead. But I wouldn't be because I'm not trying to do dirty stuff with Margaret. It doesn't cross my mind like you. That's not what they're saying down there. I'm obsessed with it. Do you ever notice how Margaret can drink about eight or nine beer and never goes to the bathroom?

Yes, I did notice that. Who does? Margaret. I think she's wearing, you know, the Penderinos. I'm telling you, she wants to hook up with you, man. She does not want to hook up with me. She wants to hook up with anybody. Well, not me.

She just finds me funny. And you have a card for her? Yes, I'm going to give her a valentine. Okay, what about chocolates? No, I don't have any chocolates for anybody. Just valentines. Give her some fucking flowers, man. I can't afford flowers.

Where am I going to pick them? Smash through the ice and fucking dig up some old flower carcasses? Go to the fucking cemetery. There's a bunch of plastic ones you can grab. I'm not going and stealing plastic flowers from the cemetery to give to 76-year-old Margaret

who I'm not interested in. Who wants to blow you? I'm going to throw it out there. She does. Margaret does not want to do that. Come by that knowledge. Her blowing days probably ended 20, 30 years ago. She is just getting started, man.

Are you kidding me? Well, then why don't you hook up with her? You're the one obsessed with it. Sounds like you might be a little bit obsessed. You've been thinking about Margaret's gums, have you? Because I haven't. When I see her pop her teeth out, I think, oh, I wonder how they keep those in,

and I wonder if it's a nuisance. You're sitting there going, oh, I'd like to get those gums wrapped around my wiener. Hey, man, she's your girlfriend, not my butt. Not my girlfriend. She's your fucking girl. She's an acquaintance. She's lovely.

She's funny. Margaret. All right. You guys done talking about Margaret? Did you ever see her take her finger off? No. She can take her finger right off. She's got a false finger. Okay.

Yeah. That's a weird one. She said it's in the 80s. She used to hide cocaine in it. She'd pull her finger off. I didn't know she was. Okay. Well, you better make sure she doesn't lose it in some of your orifices.

That would be a weird move. Can I borrow your finger for a second? I'm not borrowing Margaret's finger and driving it up my arse. You guys are fucked. Okay. I just never saw anybody with a detachable finger. It would be weird. You go to suck on it, you might suck it right off.

Yeah, don't suck on her finger, man. I'm going to suck on her old detachable finger. Okay, just don't get drunk around her. I've been drunk around her. She doesn't try anything with me. She was just showing me the finger, that's all. She wasn't saying, can I drill this up your ass or anything. If she was, I would have gotten out of there.

I like when she comes up to you and takes it off and goes, hey, do you want to finger me? She thinks it's funny. She thinks that's hilarious. She's never done that to me. Did she say that to you? Yeah, she did say that to me. Well, then I think I know who she's after.

Not me. Don't even hang out with the fucking Legion. That's your stomping grounds, bubs. Yeah, I like the Legion. Okay. Cheap drinks. Lovely company. All right. Okay. You want, I like the Legion. Good. Cheap drinks. Lovely company. Alright.

You want to go to the Legion after this? Yes. I want to go to the Legion. I always want to go to the Legion. Because it's not people there looking to get banged. Oh, I... Open your fucking eyes. Open your fucking eyes, bubs. It's not. It's not like

when you go to a bar and you walk in and it's a fucking meat market. Strippers and, you know, it's not like that. That's a good part. People are keeping to themselves. You know, they're having fun. The whole thing's not about how quick can I get banged. Maybe at the end of the night when they're sloppy drunk, they're thinking of that. But not when you get there in the afternoon.

All right. the night when they're sloppy drunk. They're thinking of that, but not when you get there in the afternoon. Alright. I like going in there about noon, setting up shop and listening to the music. Okay. There's a Wilf Carter cover band. A Wilf Carter? Who the fuck is that? Wilf Carter. Wilf Carter.

Wilf Carter. There's a Wilf Carter cover band, clone band. He dresses up like Wilf and has the whole... How come I don't know who Wilf Carter. Wilf Carter. Wilf Carter. There's a Wilf Carter cover band, clone band. He dresses up like Wilf and has the whole. How come I don't know who Wilf Carter is? Google him. I also do not know who Wilf is. What band was he in? He was in Wilf Carter.

Wilf Carter. Wilf Carter. Is it trucker or what? It's like old school country bluegrass type stuff. But he was huge. Wilf Carter. Was he big? No.

A massive star. Not in my life. Okay, sing a tune that he did. No. Okay, because you're fucking full of shit, man. No. Here, I'll pull up some Wilf Carter. Maybe he's on Spotify.

I have no idea. I doubt it, but he might be. Here, watch this. Will Carter. Yes. All right, this is going to freak me out, because I've never even heard of that fucking meme before. Okay, well, talk amongst yourselves.

Remember that crazy ice storm we had last week? Yeah, man, that was nuts. This guy in Connecticut fucked up. Decided he was going to use his flamethrower to go melt his driveway. That's a good idea. It is a good idea, but he got a little out of control and he set his house on fire. Oh, fuck. But yeah, Bubz, you should build us a flamethrower to fucking deal with ice.

That ice storm was fucked. You might know this one. Rootin' Tootin' Cowboy. Do you know Rootin' Tootin'? Fuck, okay. I think I've heard of this before. All right, Will Carter. The yodeling cowboy.

He's the yodeling cowboy? That's why I don't know this fucking guy. Look at the album cover. He looks like Walter Dretzky, yeah? He's a Canadian superstar. He's Canadian? Yes! The yodeling cowboy, I can't believe you don't know.

What sort of year would this have been? It says 2008, but I think it was just released then, re-released. All Chefs? No, man. It says 2008, but I think it was just released then, re-released. Old Chef? No, man. Old Chef, the dog? Old Chef? I've never heard of these tunes, man. No.

The Blue Canadian Rockies, you must know that one. These never made the Billboard 100, did they? No. Well, anyway, there's a Wilf Carter cover band. Like a clone band. Oh. Okay, I thought it was actually him. I was actually kind of looking forward to going to Legion.

Now I'm not. Fuck him, man. Is that fucking cover band on today? Because I'm... Yes. Well, I'm not going to Legion. I'm not going, man. I'll fall asleep to that shit.

No, I mean, he'll be probably playing his more up-tempo stuff. Like this one. Yodeling memories. Oh, boys, I'm going to be fucking cutting a rug today. Have I ever told you I don't like yodeling? All right, this is the deal. We're going to take a bunch of edibles, possibly some mushrooms, and we're going to go see Wilf. We're also going to be bringing a handgun so weibles, possibly some mushrooms, we're gonna go see Wilf.

We're also gonna be bringing a handgun so we can shut Wilf the fuck up. It's not Wilf, it's a clone band. Wilf's been dead for years. He recorded this in the early 50s. Why wouldn't somebody the fuck have started up a clone band of Wilf? Because he's playing the circuit.

He's playing the whole Legion circuit, that's big time. circuit. He's playing the whole Legion circuit. That's big time. Okay, this is for you, Julian. Alright, this fucking guy in Virginia figured out how to win the lottery. Awesome! Algorithms and shit, right? Tap

into that shit? Is that what it is? No, you can't win the lottery by algorithms. The fucking balls come out randomly. Well, he won it twice in two months. That's what your mama used to say. That was a good one. What?

The balls come out randomly when he's around. Slapping her in the face. You guys are awful. Right on the chin. You guys are awful. My mother never said that.

This is a system. The first time he won he bought 104 identical tickets for the same lottery. See, here's the thing. You play a lottery with only three numbers. What? So it's easier to win.

So he picked three numbers, and he bought 104 identical tickets, and it was a winner. $52,000 he got that time. Two months later. Just wait. That doesn't make any sense. Yeah, man. If he bought 100 of the same tickets, it doesn't increase your fucking chances.

It does because each ticket won 500 bucks. This guy is a fucking idiot. That guy's fucked. He won 52 grand the first time. Two months later, he bought 160 identical tickets. And he won 80,000. There's something not right there, man. Yeah. That does not make sense.

It's a pick-three lottery. If you get all three numbers right, you get 500 bucks. So if you buy fucking 160 tickets, times that by 500. Yeah. But if you fucking lose, you spent 160 times the amount of money. $1 per ticket. I don't fucking get this one, man. Well, he's up, you know, quite a bit of money.

He's lucky as fuck. Yeah, but how many times did he spend 160 bucks trying to win the three numbers? That is a good question. That is the big question. I mean, if you could fucking win it, you know, one out of every four chance every four times or something but the chances of hitting three now what are the numbers from what to what one to what i think it's just one to nine one to nine what the fuck no way no

man i'm pretty sure three numbers one to nine i'm pretty sure. Three numbers, one to nine. I'm pretty sure. I know that his numbers were all less than 10, and they were winners. What the fuck? Let's get into the real story where he fucking lost his house. Yeah. There's some fucking kids and his wife, no car, and he's on crack. All right, well, how about this other fucking guy?

He bought a drawing at a yard sale for $30. It's worth $10 million. See, that shit happens, man. That does happen rarely. Whose drawing was it? Picasso or somebody? Durer? Who?

D-U-R-E-R. Oh, yes. I think he's a German guy. He died in 1528, so it's pretty old. Oh, that's an old fucking. Was it a drawing? What kind of drawing? Just a drawing, but they've researched the fuck of it

and they've figured out it had to be him. Carbon dated it or whatever. Yep. 10 milsy for 30 bucks. What was it drawn with? I didn't get into the instrument of the draw. It was probably, it would have to be. I would guess maybe a pencil,

wouldn't it be back then? Well, they wouldn't have pencils. No, they'd have fucking feather quills and shit, wouldn't they? It might have been ink. I don't think they'd have like pencils. It looked like it was.

Charcoal, maybe. I mean, it was aged, so it was kind of hard to tell, but it did look like it was like a grayish color. So maybe a charcoal type. I don't think they had pencils in the 1500s. There's no way they had.

No. You know, you couldn't go into the store and give me a 2H and a 5B. No way. There's no way. Going to the art supply store. But maybe some charcoal, you know, type stuff. Blood. Here's one you'll know by Wilf.

You'll know this one, boy. I bet you I won't. I won't. Guaranteed you know it. Yes, I do know this one. I do know it. But it's not him that sings it. He's caught in the...

That's not his tune, is it? Yes, it is. Somebody else sang this and was a lot more famous than this fucking version. This is not his song. He didn't write that song. Bullshit. What's that noise? He didn't fucking write that song it's quite the fucking whistle or

something he's got there that's I like it that's a call a yodel listen yodel with it's called a yodel flute I don't know what that looks like. You know a Will Carter album. He didn't fucking write that song. That's bullshit. Well, let me just... That's a fucking classic. He might have. That is a classic.

Can you imagine claiming that? I'm gonna look it up on the Googler. Alright, look it up, bud. I'm doing it. It's not Will's fucking tune. It could be. I'm doing it. It's not Will's fucking tune. It could be. I'm surprised he got away with that. So we were talking about, remember the teenager that was fucking tracking Elon Musk, Jeff?

Yes. He asked him for 50 grand. Because Musk offered him five. But I think that's too low. I would have asked him for a fucking five hundy. 50 million. Fuck, it's not like he can't afford it. 50K?

That's not much. Somebody's got to talk to this teenager and say, but. Okay, so what happened? What's going on? He wants 50 grand. To take down the fucking Twitter account of the track in his jet so that everybody knows where he's going when he gets there. 50 grand seems like a bargain to me. What if we can get a hold of this guy?

Oh fuck Is that possible? Oh yeah It's not his tune, is it? No, Jimmy Davis and Charlie Mitchell wrote it in 1940 I told you that Okay, well I thought Jimmy Davis

Old Jimmy Davis wrote it Chart performance She went big on the charts, boys How big? Well Chart performance. She went big on the charts, boys. How big? Well, oh, Gene Autry put it out first. Yeah, there we go. That's what I remembered. Gene Autry's a little bigger than Wilf Carter, but not much in my opinion.

Come on. Jimmy Davis, I bet you he made a few bucks off that one. Made some off of fucking Wilf, that's for sure. Yeah. Wow. Have you guys heard of Blind Bisexual Jonathan? No, man. Why would we?

Who is it, Ricky? It's the world's oldest tortoise. What's his name? Blind Bisexual Jonathan. Well, his name's Jonathanathan but he's blind and bisexual you used to hang out with a guy named blind bisexual johnny did i yeah guess how old this dude is oh 120 keep going 140 190 no he isn't yes Yes, at least. Holy fuck. That's crazy.

Yeah. Imagine being a tortoise. That'd be awesome. Where does he live? St. Helena or St. Helena. I don't know how you say it. Where's that at? But what is he in, a tank? No, I think he just roams around the fucking island.

Oh, okay. Is he still banging or what? As long as he's not. He's banging like crazy. Are you serious? Hopefully he's not in a tank. Can you imagine being in a tank for 190 years? Like, there's that lungfish. Well as he's not crazy. Are you serious? Hopefully he's not in a tank. Can you imagine being in a tank for 190 years?

Like, there's that lung fish Well, here's what happened. He was something wrong with him. He's all pissed off and he's fucking knocking over benches and flexing his legs

and shit. Turtle. Getting pissed off. So they figured out what was wrong with him. He had blue balls. Poor fucking guy. So they bring him

this tortoise to fucking relieve some of the He's teeing off from the thing for 30 years then they realize it was a dude

and they kind of fucked up and then they want to take the dude away from him so now he's got a girlfriend he still bangs

the dude every Friday but he's got a girlfriend and he tees off on the weekdays how many turtles out there have a banging schedule I'm going to bang

dude on Friday and then Saturday I'm going to tee off on Sally. And then this other dude wants nothing to do with him, but he's tried to bang him. So he's just. He's a horny. He's 190. He just wants to bang everything. Horny, blind fuck machine.

Good for him, man. No, I'm jealous. A horny, blind, fuck machine. 190 years of age. Horny, blind, bisexual, fuck machine. Jesus. Jesus. I mean, if you're going to make it to 190, that's, I guess, what you want to be.

I'm still banging at 190. Ricky, you're not going to live to be 190. I'm sorry to tell you. 190, that's a to tell you. 190? That's a lot of years. Yes. He would have been alive in the 1800s, right? If you could switch places with this guy,

and all of a sudden you're a turtle, and you're this guy, would you? If you could live for another 100 years. Yes, he was alive in the 1800s, if that's what you're asking. If he got another 100 years, would you do was alive in the 1800s, if that's what you're asking. If he got another 100 years, would you do it? Would you become a blind bisexual tortoise? It's a very

good existential question. It's not a bad life. You get fed, you bang, you go to sleep. It's very existential. Slow kind of pace, too. You'd just be just walking around. Oh, yeah. When he knocks over a bench, it's pretty slow emotionally. It's slow. And then it goes over.

Yeah, he doesn't, like, chop-kick it or nothing. But he's definitely not a singer-song machine when it comes to that. When he fucks? I don't know. I mean, turtles' legs are slow, but maybe their hips are fast. I don't know, Pops. You are fast. I don't know, Pops. You never know. I don't think so.

He might be like a little jackhammer, but he just walks slow. I think I'd like to see how the tortoises get it going. I've watched the video. Google tortoises. I can't get on his fucking internet. Surprise, surprise. It must be like... Something's wrong with your device.

Something is fucking... I think it's his fucking internet. Hey, Dave, It must be like... Something's wrong with your device. Something is fucking... No, I think it's fucking internet. Hey, Dave, it's Jonathan here. I'm just going to climb up on top of you again. Here I go. Hold still. It's slow and steady, man. Wind's the race.

Okay, I got her lined up with your... Whatever that hole is there. I got her lined up. Hold her steady. I'm going to fly the... I'm going to fly her in. I found this list of some people. I mean, everybody's losing their shit right now because of the fucking pandemic bullshit. But some people are really losing their shit.

Like this guy beat his friend almost to death because he was cooking up some hash browns in a skillet. Yeah. Said, hey, dude, do you want some of my hash browns? The guy's like, no thanks, I'm good. He's like, what the fuck? Threw the hash browns at him, and he started smashing the guy's head in with the fucking skillet because he didn't want to eat his potatoes. Jesus, Murphy.

He's got some. This other guy pulled out an AK-47 Because he had to wait 10 minutes for a pizza At Little Caesars In Tennessee Who are these people? I mean I've seen you Pull out a handgun when you're getting patient

10 minutes So this other customer already got their pepperoni pizza Like here bud, have my pizza Chill the fuck out Yeah here, take mine Put your little Uzi away, or your AK. Fuck. Take mine.

Just don't fucking... How long is it going to be for my pizza? Ten minutes, sir. Oh, really? Oh, yeah, bubs. I got a little treat for you, dude. What is it? That isn't, uh, what's-his-face. Oh, you know what? They do move faster than I would have thought.

Well, that's not a fucking... That was a pretty good pump. That's not fast. He's... He's got his mouth open. Every time he goes in, he goes... Yeah. I imagine he does.

He's rumpa-pumpin'. Wow. That's cute, eh? Cute little fella. This turtle's... Okay, I've had enough. What's wrong with you? Just get it over with. Oh, that's him there. Yeah. Oh, I? Cute little fella. This turtle's just... Okay, I've had enough. What's wrong with you? Just get it over with.

Oh, that's him there. Yeah. Oh, I couldn't see him. Let me see. That's the turtle. Oh, he's rump-a-pumpin'. He's fuckin' layin' pipe. Is that the bisexual one?

No, man, I don't think this is him. Pa-rump-a-pump-pump. He does look like an old turtle, though. Yeah, it's more exciting than I thought it would be. It's not that exciting, man. Ricky, if I ever walk in this trailer and you're eating no beating things watching turtles but if i was a tourist i'd be a happy one what the boy this i mean the shell he's got to make sure he doesn't like kind of up in the shell you know what what I mean? Yes. I could cut things right off. That could take a few layers off.

Keep your shell still. This is a bit of a weird one. This woman stabbed her male cousin over a borrowed sex toy. So have you ever lent your cousin your sex toy? Who would do that? He lent his cousin the sex toy, and the woman, he wanted it back. She's like, no, I need it. He's like, give me my fucking sex toy back.

He loaned it to his own cousin? Yeah, and she wouldn't give it back. He loaned his wife's sex toy to his cousin? I don't know if it was his wife's. It might have been his, or I don't know how that works. His sex toy? He went to grab her and said, give me my fucking sex toy back, and she stabbed the fuck out of him.

With the sex toy? No, kitchen knife. People were losing their shit, man. What was the sex toy, I wonder? I'm going to guess vibrating dildo. Just a guess. All right. She was using it, right?

She didn't want to give it back, so it was something that worked good for her. Okay. That could be a dildo, yeah. Or it could be a butt, like maybe a vibrator butt plug. Could have been one of those as well. Well, it could be a full-on sex toy. She was obviously pretty attached to it if she stabbed her cousin over not giving it back. No.

This is a fucked up one. This fucking son shot his father because his father went to get those chicken wings. And he bought the wrong kind of chicken wings. Are you fucking kidding me? His son doesn't really like, so he pulled out a gun and fucking shot his dad. What the fuck is wrong with people? Where's all this happening?

This is down in the States. People are really losing their minds. Did you see that fucking maniac that was driving down the highway and he had a bit of a road rage thing and got up beside the car and fucking started to shoot the fucking guy right through the windshield.

People are fucking, they're losing their shit, man. He unloaded a fucking man oh i did see that that crazy fuck unloaded a whole fucking clip and he's thinking oh i gotta get my windshield fixed but i got bullet holes i'm gonna probably have to talk to the cops so he turned himself in but not only did that he fucking gave them the video of him freaking been freaking out. What a stupid fuck. Yeah. That's just a whole lot of dumb right there. We got to get back to normal, man, before everyone fucking loses their shit. Maybe people are turning into zombies and stuff. That's not. Don't get into this shit, bubs.

Well. There's no such thing as fucking zombies. Oh, really? Really. There are the undead, believe me. Well, maybe if you go to fucking cuba or something 80 check them out there is there is there zombie kitty cats i've never heard of one there's no such thing man zombie dogs there's probably viruses that you're dead but the virus

is still alive and get your arms going and stuff i've heard about those and bugs and fish bugs zombies bugs and zombie fish yeah some fucking thing goes into the brain it just takes over see i don't know if it happens in people or not let me guess you gotta fucking cut their head off or get them in the heart to kill that's a vampire get them in the heart to kill. That's a vampire. Get them in the heart. Those are vampires. And those are real, too. Those are not real.

You go to Transylvania and fucking tell those people. You know what they are? Just fucking weirdos that drink blood. You tell the people in Transylvania that fucking Dracula is not real. See how you make out with that one. Dracula. That was just a fucking serial killer. They're like blood, man. Well, still, he called himself a vampire, so that's what he was.

What about Bela Veloci or whatever his name was? Bela Lugosi. He was fucked. No, he wasn't. Bela Lugosi wasn't fucked. He was a great actor. Oh. Who was fucked, so he wasn't a vampire. Bela Lugosi wasn't a real vampire. He was a great actor. Oh. Who was fucked. So he wasn't a vampire.

Bela Lugosi wasn't a real vampire. He was an actor. He lived in Hollywood, Ricky. I thought he was a real teeth fucking biter. Teeth biter. You thought Bela Lugosi was roaming around Hollywood fucking biting people?

From what I saw, he did he had a fucking taste for blood. what I saw, he did. He had a fucking taste for blood. I thought it was a documentary. I fucked up. That was a movie. I didn't know. Holy fuck, Rick. That is really fucked up.

That is fucked up. Do you think Raiders of the Lost Ark, do you think that was a documentary? The first one was. I wonder who got born on February the 1-1. Leslie Nielsen. Oh, he was great. So we can have a drink for him?

Yeah, I'll drink for him. All right. Yes, I love Leslie. They're playing funny games. We've had his birthday toast before. We'll continue to do it. Toast. Toast. Leslie Nielsen, the naked gun.

Yeah. Police squad. Cheers, it. Toast. Toast. Leslie Nielsen, the Naked Gun. Yeah. Police Squad. Cheers, Leslie. Tina Louise. Ginger. How'd you know? I fucking, I was. I didn't know.

We've had her birthday on here before, too. Jean-Jean. Ginger. From the Gilligan's Island. I like, prefer to call her Jean-Jean. Somebody else, you get a little man crush on. There we go. Give you a hint, he's got a nice mustache.

Burt Reynolds. Yeah. That's Burt Reynolds. It is. Burt Reynolds. A movie deliverance. Oh, fuck. That was, yeah.

That poster he did where he's laying naked, remember how long you had that on your wall? I've never seen that. You had that right above your bed for years. Come on. Don't be fucking spreading shit. Archie's birthday? The comic dude? How does he have a birthday?

He had to have started at some point, Ricky. He didn't always exist. One day and then it's his birthday. He didn't always exist like the Lord. Right? Sheryl Crow. I had a Sheryl Crow once. You. Right? Sheryl Crow. I had a Sheryl Crow once. You did have a Sheryl Crow.

Until she fucking flew away. Jennifer Aniston. Hot. We're not still talking about Burt Reynolds. Jennifer Aniston, Bob. Oh, I thought you were referring to Burt Reynolds. She turns 54 today. You also had that picture of him with his bare ass where he's looking over his shoulder

with the football jersey on. No, no, no, no. Eddie Shaq. Eddie Shaq. He was a camper. Fucking right he was. Eddie Shaq. Don't talk back.

Alan Rubin, Blues Brothers musician. Yeah. Yeah. Mr. Fabulous, that was his name? Mr. Fabulous, yes. Mr. Fabulous. He was in the Blues Brothers. That's a good name to have. Kelly Slater. Fabulous, that was his name? Mr. Fabulous, yes. Mr. Fabulous. He was in the Blues Brothers. That's a good name to have.

Kelly Slater. Who's that? She is a surfer. He. He. Yeah. Oh, that's what I meant. And I thought you might have a man crush on him, too, because a lot of people do.

Kelly Slater. I thought you meant Slater from... It's not Slater from Saved by the Bell, is it? No, man. Was he on Saved by the Bell, or what was the other show? There was two of those shitty shows. There was Saved by the Bell, and there was... That's it, man.

I don't fucking know. That was a shitty show. Which one had Screech on it? Saved by the Bell. And Slater? He's fucking dead, isn't he? Screech? Yeah, Screech died.

Poor Screech. OD'd or something. Something wrong. No, I don't think he OD'd. I don't think he started a rumor. I'm not starting shit. It was about Screech. He just died.

I think he had a disease. I think he died of cancer. Poor fucker. But see, I might have just started another rumor. There's a lot of rumors fucking starting up. You got to watch what we say these days, man. He died, though. Well, now I'm confused.

Was Slater, Screech, and what was the blonde fella? Zach. Zach. Was he? Were all three of those guys on that one show? That was quite a show now that I think about it. It wasn't a piece of shit after all. I might have to buy

the DVDs of the whole series. Don't start watching that. Why? Because when you start fucking binging shit, you don't see you for like fucking dates. Well, I might get on a save by the bell binge. Well, you know what I'm doing? I'm going to the fucking Legion right now. Yes. You're going to give her her gift.

Wealth Carter. Wealth Carter. Here, just wait. There's one other song he has that you might like, Julian. You know what it's called? No idea. Look at that. Rye Whiskey. All right, if he sings that, I'll fucking get her going.

The fucking violinist is kind of butchering that one. He fucking said for real. He dropped a little out of tune there. All right, everybody. Let's get to the Legion and fucking get wasted to Wilf Carter. To Wilf. Happy February 1-1.