Trailer Park Boys Presents: Park After Dark - Episode 38 - Scott Thompson and the Nipple Chart

Episode Date: April 24, 2016

Kids in the Hall comedy legend Scott Thompson is this week's podcast guest! Topics include Boaty McBoatface, the Queen's underwear, Inky the octopus, the mountains of Florida, and Julian's nipples!   Episode 38 is brought to you by Jukasa vapor products. Jukasaaaaa!!    

Do you eat these or, you know? You eat whatever you want. Fucking, I need a steak knife. If you grab those chips, those are my chips. This is all. There's this. You could do some damage with that. Yeah, you could.

Is it fake? It's real. It's a real one. I know, it's real. I could like grab your ear and then like make you do this. Oh, fuck. a fake. It's real. That's a real one I like grabbed your ear and then like Mickey you do yeah, thank you. I don't care but oh I believe we're going are we are we doing this? I think so. I think we're under way like all this But I think we're underway here. All right, what we started. Yes, let's start it guys. What the fuck's going on? This is the trailer part boys official

Podcast coming at you right now. Yeah, you want to change the name to The Julian Show because Lee's got his own show and you're pissed off. But it's not fair, man. It's the Trailer Park Boys official fucking podcast. Number 41. Boys, maybe you can fucking argue about this another time. We have guests that we should probably introduce.

Oh, yeah. Just a second. Before we get into this, we got this. We're sponsored by Jocasa. Oh. Just say that, man. Just hold that up. You get into this, we got this. We're sponsored by Jucasa. Oh. Just say that, man. Just hold that up. You don't have to.

No, I want to. It's good. I'm trying to mellow out, so I'm gonna try to get used to this sort of like whoring. You know what I mean? Right? We've all got to learn how to whore for our jobs. Zoom in. Ladies and gentlemen, we're sponsored this week by Jucasa.

Goddammit. Jucasa. Jucasa. This is embarrassing. Good people at Jucasa. God damn it. Jucasa. Jucasa. This is embarrassing. Good people at Jucasa. Three flavors in one unit. Okay. Thank you, man. What is it?

That's kind of a funny thing to put on there. Three flavors in one unit. If you want to get into it. It is. It's true. I love that. Imagine a unit with three flavors. There's a bunch of flavors.

Check this out. Yeah, but it does. Look at that. That's what it has. Yes, that'd be very strange. Wow. out. Yeah, it does. Look at that. That's what it has. Yes, that'd be very strange. Wow, I don't even know what I'm looking at.

I thought this was contact lens solution. And I was very excited because my eyes were very dry. Oh, don't drip that in your eyes. That's tobacco juice. This is what that is? Basically, that's the stuff you vape. It's different flavors. It's called vapin'.

Wow, do you vape, Ricky? Ricky, pay attention. Sorry, guys. I got caught up there., are you, do you vape? Uh, Ricky? Ricky, pay attention. Sorry, guys. I got caught up there. What were you doing? What are you drawing? You're drawing a cock shaped like a ship. It's, uh, well, I was just reading the story about these people.

They named the new boat Boaty McBoatface. So I was trying to picture what it might look like. What boat? That British boat? Yeah. It was an online poll to name a UK polar research ship, and it's called Boie McBoatface. I was trying to see what it would look like if they shaped it. Who the fuck named it that?

The British people. Oh, they took a vote? Yeah. What's he doing with that? He's got a little face. It's a McBoatface. That's Bodie McBoatface right there. Oh, so they took a vote, and that's the name the people came up with?

Yeah, for a new ship and they kind of have to go with it because it's democracy. So it was a bunch of people fucking around, got together and said let's come up with a ridiculous name. They were obviously drunk. They should have called it Jukasa. Thank you, fuck. Three flavors in one. Wouldn't that be good?

Three flavors in one boat. Jukasa. What do we call that? See, I don't even get behind this because he has kept the money somehow. Wouldn't that be good? Three flavors in one boat. Jucasa, what do we call that? Mijucasa? See, I don't even get behind this because he has kept the money somehow. I know they paid us.

It's going towards this stuff, all the stuff you see here. Chips. Has to be replenished every time we do this. So the money you made on this sponsorship just covers chips and whatnot? Your beer? That seems fishy to me.

This, the liquor? Yeah, horse shit. You guys are fucked. We should probably introduce the gas, but we still haven't. Yes, go for it. I'm done, I'm done. Go for it. Very excited to have Mr. Scott Thompson here.

Clap everybody, clap. Yes. I am a huge fan. Me too, I'm a huge fan. When you were on the Kids in the Hall, I was watching that. I remember watching it on a little black and white TV that J-Rock rigged up for me. Right. I remember the first episode.

It was awesome. What was it? What was the first episode? Good question. Get him. Get him. Get him. Get him. Get him.

Get him. Get him. Get him. Get him. Get him. Get him. Get him. Get him.

Get him. Get him. Get him. Get him. Get him. Get him. Get him. Get him.

Get him. Get him. Get him. Get him. Get him. Get him. Get him. Get him.

Get him. Get him. Get him. Get him. Get him. Get him. Get him. Get him.

Get him. Get him. Get him. Get him. Get him. Get him. Get him. Get him.

Get him. Get him. Get him. Get him. Get him. Get him. Get him. Get him.

Get him. Get him. Get him. Get him. Get him. Get him. Get him. Get him.

Get him. Get him. Get him. Get him. Get him. Get him. Get him. Get him. Get him. Okay, yeah. He doesn't know. He doesn't know. What kind of stuff? Come on. Yeah. Do you know? I know exactly. Okay, he knows what it is. Yeah, it was the guy that came in.

You had the staff. And see, Ricky, I... You didn't. You don't remember. Ricky said right before we come on, he's like, make sure, you know, you say, you know, that you saw the first one and he'll be really impressed. And now... Did you say it was the guys with the one and then we came in?

Yes. That's it. That was it. He's right. I mean, you say it was the guys with the one and then we came in? Yes. That's it. That was it, he's right. I mean, you're right. That was an amazing one. No, you gave me too early, man. I thought you fucked up.

I thought you kept him going. No, it was good. It was the guys that we came in and then they had the one and then we did that stuff. That's every fucking episode. Remember that? That's every fucking episode.

And then everybody laughed and then we said, we should do this again. And then we did a second one and it wasn't quite as funny. And then the third one was funny again. So the second one wasn't that funny but the third one you kicked it back in and kicked it back in yeah then we had the guy come in and then we did that thing and then we did that other thing and then everybody moved forward just like you said bugs yeah yeah i told you ricky i've seen everyone every episode Every episode. Every episode. What's your favorite character?

Well, I like when you do the queen. Oh yeah, she's good. I do love when you do the queen. Did she ever, do you know if she ever saw it? Did she ever go on to ask? No, but that's always something I've always wondered about. Oh, Gary.

I would definitely. I think she's seen it. I think she's seen it. Totally. I think she's probably seen every queen impersonation. Probably. Do you think she would like it or not like it so much? She'd get a kick out of it.

I think she'd like it because she's a lot younger when I play her. Okay. And I think she, I'm more feminine than most impersonations of the Queen. Right? Right? I think so. Yeah, I think so. Yeah, I think so. And I mean, you never did anything, you know, you know, horrible as queen.

It's not like, you know, you were on there. We did make, we did have sex with a beaver, who was her foster son. Yeah, that could be, that could be true. The queen was having sex with a beaver? Sure, she makes out with a beaver in a bathtub. But you remember that one, when we had the tub and the water and the thing.

And the dog came in. The dog came in. Remember? And then the beaver. And then the queen. You mean another woman or the animal? Yeah, it was an animal. It was a male beaver, so it wasn't gay bestiality. No, he was thinking of beaver as

a woman. Oh, I know. I know, but she didn't... She definitely was with the beaver, but it was an actual mammal. It was Bruce playing the beaver. Which is still not great, I know, but she didn't, no, no, she definitely was with the beaver, but was an actual mammal. Okay. It was Bruce playing the beaver. Which is still not great, I guess. So she didn't eat the beaver, beaver's beaver,

because the beaver didn't have a beaver. She ate the beaver's tail, probably. Beaver tail. Beaver tail. The tails were beaver tail. Bit of a mouth twister. What was that? It was a mouth twister.

The beaver, he didn't eat the beaver's beaver because the beaver didn't have a beaver. I said it. Yeah, not bad. It's not really called a tongue twister, Ricky. That's just called fucked. Fucked I am. But I mean, the queen is pretty cool from what I've heard. She wakes up at 10 o'clock.

She gets a double shot of brandy every fucking morning. Chukasa. Chukasa. Jesus Christ. And then she has a couple of hauls off of her e-smoke. Right? She does, in fact, e-smoke. Do you guys know this about the queen? Do you know that she smokes three palmol a day? No.

She smokes. I did not know that. And she drinks every day. She does drink. You said that, right? She likes to drink. She's a heavy drinker. Not heavy.

We're not heavy. Consistent. I don't think she's doing shots a drink. She's a heavy drinker. Not heavy. We're not heavy. Consistent. I don't think she's doing shots. I think she's a social drinker. Okay, well. She's not doing Jager bombs and whatnot. Yeah. You don't know that, man.

No, but she does like to have, I think, a G&T, I think. Brandy, I really prefer. Is it Brandy? Or Mom's G&T. We've got inside information on this. But you know her little handbag she always carries? She carries three smokes in there. I did not know that.

That's awesome. Every day. Imagine, 90 years old and she still smokes. Is she 90? 90. Soon. Yesterday. She's still 90.

Might even be today. She's all right looking for 90. She's not bad. She's not bad. She's doing well. If you could smoke three cigarettes a day, who would quit? I'd never have quit if I could have done that. I tried to steal her underwear.

I did actually steal a pair of underwear, but it wasn't hers, which sucked. We had a task put forth to us to acquire a pair of the Queen's underwear from Buckingham Palace. Right. We were going to win $1,000. Uh-huh. And what happened? He took the ****** underwear by accident. See, boys, now we've got a contract going. I know you guys don't deal with the contracts. What happened? He took ****** underwear by accident.

Boys, now, we've got a contract going. I know you guys don't deal with the contracts. I'm the one that has to do it. You're not allowed to talk about this shit. It's called a spoiler. It's not even out yet, man. Fuck. Was that coming out? You shot something, like, yeah.

Yeah, I fucked up big time. I fucked up more, I guess. What did... Big time. And was it new underwear or was it used underwear? I don't think we can answer that question, Scott. They were in a washing suit. They were weird looking.

Were they weird looking? They didn't look like a **** underwear. Were they long ones like Mormon underwear? What is the smell of regret, by the way? Is that a thing? Just give yourself a whiff. You're smelling it and you're just like, oh man. I feel delightful.

I feel delightful. I feel delightful. I don't know that. I feel delightful. You feel delightful. He does. I do. He does smell delightful. He does smell delightful. That's the shirt he wears when he's playing on the Legion.

That's the fancy shirt. That is nice. Hey, what do you want to wear the fancy shirt on today for, bubs? I sometimes wear my fancy shirt. It's the only one you're playing. Showing off, that's what that is. I'm not showing off. What are you here today for, bubs? I sometimes wear my fancy shirt. It's the only one you're playing. Showing off, that's what that is.

I'm not showing off. Yeah, you're meeting one of your favorite people and you had to put on a fancy shirt. I didn't put this on. I want it to look good, yes. Well, I don't think there's anything wrong with that. What's wrong with that? What's wrong with sprucing up for honoring people?

I don't know, I'm actually touched by it. I put on a good shirt too, but no one really. Yeah, but I've seen that shirt before. Okay. Yeah, this is maybe the first time this one's ever been seen, Ricky. All right. See the back? Yeah.

Fuck it up. Oh, look at that. What's that say? It says rodeo. Rodeo. It's not bad. Show that. It's not bad.

It's beautiful. From Jucasa. It's not great. Nice. Nice, thank you. Rodeo. That's my bad. It's beautiful. From Jucasa. It's not great. Nice. Nice. Thank you.

Rodeo. That's my rodeo shirt. Very nice. Have you ever been in a rodeo? I've never been in a rodeo, no. Then why do you have a rodeo shirt? Well, because I find it, you know, I think it's a nice shirt and I think it represents my sort of whole thing.

Your rodeo thing? What whole thing? Well, I fancy myself being a bit of a cowboy sometimes. You think you're a bit of a cowboy. I'm not saying I'm a cowboy, but I like the whole cowboy lifestyle. You just like to look like a cowboy. What part of lifestyle do you like best?

You guys just teasing me. You like the bedrolls by the fire? What part do you like? Come on, man. That dog's teasing me. You like the bedrolls by the fire? What part do you like? Come on, man. That's all. He's teasing me. What do you like? You like coffee in a tin pot?

What do you like best? Getting the cows in from the hills? What do you like best? Sleeping in the tent at night? What part? I like all of that stuff, to be honest. I like drinking coffee out of a tin cup over a campfire, getting the guitar out. I love all that stuff. I be honest. I like drinking coffee out of a tin cup, over a campfire, getting the guitar out. I love all that stuff.

I'm not ashamed to say it. Do the arrows make your nipples chafe? Because that's why I wouldn't be able to wear that shirt. I got something in my nipples. No, my nipples are located in the nipple region. Where's that? Show us. This material doesn't hurt my nipples.

There's nothing chafing them? No, there's nothing chafing them. Nothing? You know what, Puffs? I think that shirt is uncomfortable as fuck to wear. But you're just wearing it because... It's not. I put a little bit of scotch tape over my nipples. Is that a...

Yes, I did. You did? What? Well, because this... Yes, this thing does rub. Of course it would. I knew it. You wouldn't wear that shirt in a marathon. No. Because by the end, your nipples would be bleeding. They would be, and I don't want to.

So you just wore it because Scott... Nipples take a long time to heal. How do you know, Rick? They don't take a long time. I've had a marathon. They heal really quickly. Oh, really? Mine don't seem to.

I don't know why. What did you do to your nipples? Well, I chafed them on different fabrics. Remember my jean jacket? Fucking nightmare. You used to wear it without a shirt? Sometimes, and it chafed the fuck out of them. You just loved the way you looked in it.

Ricky went through a whole phase where he used to wear just a jean jacket with no shirt. Really? Yeah. That's not coming back. It was not a good look, Ricky. No, that's not going to come back. That's when you had that big rat tail, too. Really? Yeah. That's not coming back. It was not a good look, Ricky. No, that's not going to come back. That's when you had that big

rat tail, too. Remember? I forgot about the rat tail. Yeah. What about your nipples? I'm just curious. They're just, they're comfortable. Yeah. They're, you know, sometimes... Get them out, Julian! Get them out! Get them out! Get them out!

Get those bad boys out! He likes to lift weights and get them oiled up. Let's get them oiled up! Get those babies out! They just, to lift weights and get oiled up. Let's get them oiled up. Get those babies out. They just, I can't get them out, guys. Come on. Why not? You just don't want to snap the rope.

I got a guest here, and he's making the request. Don't be rude. I'm not going to run down two flights of stairs and go inside and get them a wreck. Get your nipples out. That's what makes them a wreck? I could get them a wreck in 10 seconds. OK. I mean what makes them erect? I can get them erect in 10 seconds. Okay.

I mean, I said it just like that and they're erect. Joey, they put a challenge on you. You can't back down. Of course not. Just get back to, back to gear. He directly challenged you, Joey. You just backed down. I'm trying to run off the wheels here for a minute.

Okay, we'll just, what size would they be? I wore, what do you have, size would they be? I wore... What do you have, a nipple shirt? And is there anything around the nipple? The Oreola. Areola. Yeah. Oreola, that's a cookie, I think.

Do your nipples, are they like flat, or do they push out? They're just like little tiny things. Right. I don't use them for anything. You've never had them... You've never? No, I just... I don't use them for anything. Have you ever had them used? You've never? No, I just don't use them for anything.

Have you ever let, this is something, this is between you and me, this is not for the cameras, have you ever let any of your kittens lick them? Because I had a cat once and he licked my nipple. I have to be honest, I didn't stop him immediately. No, I've never let kitties do that. Bullshit. Think of that wet, raspy tongue. Bullshit.

Yeah, I don't think that would be... You'd definitely let them do that. Definitely. Totally. Totally. If you had a dog, he'd be licking your toes every night. If you have a cat, he's licking your nipples. Absolutely.

Why? That's the deal. So you would let a cat lick your nipples? No. If I had a dog, I'd let him lick my toes, though. Sure you would. That's about it. So you have a toe fuzz.

What would you be doing while he was licking your toes? Just having a drink, man. Watch TV. Would you have pants on? I don't know. Pants, cards, pubs. What else is going on when the dog's licking your toes? What are you watching on the TV?

Yeah, what are you watching? Listen, I don't have a fucking dog. It's not happening. If I did, I probably would let it live. Oh, Ricky drew a nipple chart here. Okay. He wants you to pick what your nipples would... What best looks like.

What best represents... What the fuck is... Like, what is that? It's a circle with a dark circle around it. That's a big nipple. That's a middle. They call that a silver dollar nipple or something? Yeah.

Pancake. Pancake, yeah. I'm not going to point out what dollar nipple or something? Yeah. Pancake. Pancake. Pancake, yeah. I'm not going to point out what my nipple looks like. It looks like none of those. None of those. That's why you should get out the real thing. It's a nice nipple chart, Ricky. We should sell it.

Very nice. We should sell that on eBay. Great. All right. Would you sign that for me? I would love to frame that and put that somewhere. Here, sign that. Or I'd like to put it on my fridge.

That would be nice. Sign Ricky down here. Sign Ricky. All right. Sign Ricky. Nipple chart. Yeah, nipple chart. And when you get home, can you send us a picture of that on your fridge?

Totally. Absolutely. Yes. And you can probably take one of these home with you, you know, if you want. No, I don't use that, but sure. Just take the menu. I'll take the menu, yeah. Oh, this is going to look so good. Ricky.

I fucked her, bud. What are you doing? Nipple chart. Oh, so I don't forget what it is. Yeah. Yeah. There you go. That's very nice.

Nipple chart. Yeah. Yeah. There you go. That's very nice. Nipple, nipple charté. Yeah. Excellent. When you have people over, you know, for drinks or whatever, you can, you know, get people to write their name beside what nipple they have. That might be mine there. Yeah, I'm probably right on that as well. Is that?

Oh. What? You're getting closer. I know. What? You just look like that. I'm bonding over nipples, that's all. What is it you're ashamed of with your nipples?

I think they're nice nipples. I just don't use them. No, not at all. I don't use them. That's a tragedy with men. Their lack of knowledge of their own bodies. Yeah, it's fucked up. It is fucked up.

I just don't need them for anything. Nothing? No. I don't need them. I'd just snip them off if I could. Would you have them snipped off? Well, if I could, but I'm not going to go through the effort. Why?

But we know that it heals quickly. Right? For some of us. We know that it heals quickly. Why do people pierce their nipples? That's what I want to know. I don't understand it. Like, why?

Like, why would you do that? People pierce worse things than that. Yeah. I'm talking about the nipple, though. Increases sensitivity, I think. Okay. And I think it's aesthetic. Do you just hook some shit up to them?

Yeah. Like, what, a car battery? Yeah. A little shock, probably. Or a toy car. Julian, you seem awfully interested in that. I'm just wondering, man. I'm just wondering. I think there's something under these. I think'm just wondering, man. I'm just wondering.

I think there's something under these. I think there's something under this. I do, too. I think you're hiding something. I believe that. I'm not hiding anything, guys. I do. I think you're hiding like a fetish or something that you're embarrassed about.

All right. I was seeing this chick. She works down at the aristocrat, okay? She had her nipples pierced, and I didn't know what to fucking do with them, really. I was just like, whoa. I wasn't expecting that. What did you do with them? I just flicked them around a bit, man.

I mean, what do you do with them? You flick them. Like, what the... I don't know, man. You're right. What are you flicking? You flick them. What else do you do with them?

I mean, seriously. You mentioned about an electric charger. Yeah, that's the movies, man. Oh, you mentioned about an electric charger. Yeah, that's the movies, man. That's in the fucking movies. Give them a boost. Give them a boost. Give them a boost, I'd say.

That's probably what that move's called. I think it is called giving a boost. Boosting. Yeah. Boosting. Yeah. Let's go back to the house and do some boosting. What's up?

All right. All right. So, we got derailed. That's all good. It's all right. It is good. It's all right. What's we got derailed. That's all good. It's all right. It is good.

What's going on over there? What are you looking at now? Oh, just some silly things. But an octopus did escape from an aquarium. Inky. I heard about Inky. That's pretty awesome. How do you know all this shit, man?

I have a... You never heard about Inky? Do you know about Inky? He knew about the boat thing, though. I did. McFuck? What is it? Smiley McFuck? Bo knew about the boat thing. I did. What is it? Smiley McFuck? Boaty McBulkface. Because he actually reads the news.

Like on paper and everything. Like, you know, I try to do that too. Electron optics is usually depressing. No, well, this is an interesting story because I'm kind of obsessed with octopuses. Actually, the whole family, the whole gene. Octopuses, squids, and cattlefish. I'm trying to quit it because I feel like they're very intelligent animals. Why are you so fascinated with that? Because they're the most intelligent animal in the sea other than the porpoises and dolphins and that sort of thing.

I did not know that. They're highly intelligent. Do you know this story about Inky? No, I didn't. He was an octopus. You tell. No, you tell. He was an octopus at the zoo.

Somebody fucking tell me. He was an octopus at the zoo and somebody left something open or whatever and he squeezed himself through a valve or through a little opening. Squeezed himself through and found his way back to the ocean and he fucking bolted. Yeah, went to open the drain. Oh, sorry, I just spit on you. Went down the ocean and he fucking bolted. Yeah, went to open the drain. Oh, sorry, I just spit on you. Went down the drain

and stayed. Yeah, octopuses can actually, they can actually turn valves and figure out, you know, they're pretty smart. Yeah,

they can use tools. They're one of the only animals that can use tools. Only the animals that use tools are like the great apes, right? Like chimps and stuff.

Dolphins. Although they can't really be good. Well, they understand. Octopuses can use the internet. Crows can. Crows are smart. Crows and ravens, all the coryatids,

that's what they're called. But octopuses, they can use the internet apparently. They can. And type and everything. Yeah. A ginkie right now is probably Googling us. So they, but the sad part is they caught him two days later and returned him to the aquarium.

No, they didn't. No, no, no. I'm just joking. What are you doing? No, he's gone. He's fucking. Good for him, man. He's chilling. But they only live, they don't. No, no, no. I'm just joking. No, he's gone. He's fucking... Good for him, man. He's chilling.

They only live... This is my theory. Not a theory, but my feeling about octopuses. They don't live a long time. Like three years, four years. So imagine if they lived for a long, long time.

They would be very smart animals. They would be. Was he raised in captivity, this Inky? I don't know. There's some things I'd like to know, because if he did all of a sudden get out to the ocean, he's fucked anyway. Why the fuck would he escape if he was born there?

He'd be like, he wouldn't know anything better. Yeah, I don't know. He was from the ocean. He's from the ocean. He could smell it. He could smell this all day and be like, I gotta get back there. Yeah.

Fuck this little... Get out of this chlorine, bitch. But they have... Their problem is just their... It's their aesthetics. People find them repulsive. So they can't see past the repulsion. It wouldn't be a very nice way to die if one got you. I don't think they do that.

They don't? I mean, we've all... I think when we were children, we all watched those movies where they were attacked by giant occupants. But I don't think they really attack people. You know who does, though? Squid. Oh, yeah. That's what I'm thinking of. Squid, yeah, they're just bastards. Squid are...

But if a big one of those got a hold of you, he'd basically just squeeze you and suck you to death. Well, they have a big... They have a beak. They've got a beak, yeah. Yeah, and it's really, really hard, and they can... But they can suck your blood right out, can't they, with their suckers?

No. No, I'm not lying. They just do it wrong. You are fucking wrong. Well, they can squeeze you and bite you with their beak. You're thinking of a leech, man. No, they don't even... Their suckers don't do that.

No. It's just a mouth. Yeah. You say beak? It's called a skolex. It's called a skolex? Yes. The beak is?

No, not the beak. The sucker. The suckers. Yeah, like a ringworm or a tapeworm would have a skolex. And I think they grow them back if they cut them off, right? Do you know that? I don't know. I believe so. Ricky thinks he they grow them back if they cut them off, right? Do you know that? I don't know. I believe so.

Ricky thinks he can grow things back. Really? That's why he's so careless with knives and stuff, because he thinks if he chops his finger off, she'll just grow back. Have you ever done that? No. Growing a digit back? I don't really want to test it, but I think some people, they do grow back.

No, it doesn't, Ricky. There hasn't been a fucking case in history where somebody lopped off a limb and it grew back. I bet if you eat a starfish or something like that, though, you might be able to grow some shit back. I don't know how that works, but... Hmm. Eat a starfish. I don't think so. I don't know.

That's not gonna do anything for you, man. It'll work. There must be some way to get the power of a starfish into a human, though. Don't give him hope, man. Why don't we have some sort of a... Like, connect them electrically? Maybe if you ground them up and snorted them or something. I think if you snorted them and ground starfish.

Because it seems like more of a magic powder potion. I think that would work. Go right to the blood. We should try it. Or you could grind up a starfish, put it in a solution, and then take it as an enema. That's right to the bloodstream. Right up, yeah. Right? We should try that. That's right to the bloodstream. Yeah.

Right? We should try that. That's why people get drunk faster, they do that. Yeah. So powder starfish in an aqueous solution. Wait, now people are, like, drinking alcohol up their ass? Yeah. It's getting them drunk faster. Yeah.

You've heard that, right? I've heard about smoking it, but not about the... Like, what, do they put a can of beer in there? Yeah, I've heard that, right? I've heard about smoking it, but not about the... Like, what, do they put a can of beer in there? Yeah, I've heard that. Oh, my God. You're intrigued. A can of beer? A can of beer.

I don't understand this whole... I don't really either. I don't know how it works exactly. It might be a good thing to do in jail because it's hard to get booze in there. You might want to consider it. But the thing is with Ricky, I think you just want to find out if you can regrow a digit. I think there's got to be a way to do it and maybe I'll be the one that comes up with it.

Well, you're likely to lose one. Maybe. One day. Yeah. Growing up the starfish, man. Do you heal quickly? Like, do you scar badly or do you, like you get cut, do you heal right, very quickly?

Like, Pretty good, yeah. Except your nipples heal quickly. Except nipples don't, they don't. They don't, nipples don't. No, but the rest of me is not bad. Ricky, what are you talking about? With what? You bleed for weeks.

Well, if you keep, yeah, if you get in a fight and you know, your knuckles, you keep fighting or whatever, yeah, they won't close over. You mean like that or? Yeah. That's what I mean. What else we got going on? Well, you were talking about going to Florida, Bubbs. Looks like you shouldn't because it looks like they're more fucked than everyone thought they were.

What is it? Florida is even more screwed than we thought. That's the headline. I don't know what to read this, Julian. They're going to be fucking underwater. Really? than everyone thought they were. What is it? Florida is even more screwed than we thought. That's the headline. I don't know what it's about. Yeah, they're gonna be fucking underwater. Really? Yeah.

Dire predictions. Florida's sinking? Okay, so we gotta get into the good stuff here. The northern ice. Oh, it's about ice and shit? Mm-hmm. Global warming. Fuck that.

Yeah, people don't give a fuck. No, people don't care. So the topic of global warming makes you go, fuck that. Well, it's just not... Do you want to talk about it? Here, grab it. It's too late now. It's too late now. We know that... Is it? No, but I'm just teasing him.

Well, some people are saying it's happening. Some other people are saying, fuck that, we're okay. I don't know, man. Yeah, you know who's saying it's happening? The people with the facts. Yeah. All right. The scientists. The scientists. Yeah. Let's. The scientists. The scientists. Let's fucking talk about it then. Okay, let's talk about it.

How fucked are they? I thought they were screwed before. Now they're really fucked. So you don't believe in global warming? I think it's happening, but you know what? I'm going to be dead in probably 15 years.

Well, you know, they show the pictures of the ice, what is it? It's not a cube. Cap. Mountain. Ice mountain. Whatever the fuck it is. It's a berg, Ricky. And then they show the pictures of the ice, what is it? It's not a cube. Cap. Mountain. Ice mountain.

Whatever the fuck it is. It's a berg, Ricky. And then they show these other pictures where it's smaller and smaller. Now, some people say that could have been photoshopped. But I don't know. It could be real. And if it is real, we're fucked. Yeah, no, that's the whole thing right there in a nutshell.

That's global warming. That's it. You summed it a nutshell. That's global warming. You summed it up great. 6.4 billion in permanent potential losses for all this shit. It's, you know, they're talking about the... But where were you thinking of moving? Were you thinking of moving to the coast or were you thinking of moving inside of Florida? I don't know. Because you're probably safer if you're inside.

Inside, yeah. Up on a big hill or a mountain. You want to get up on the highest mountain in Florida. There's so many mountains there. That's where I'd go. Which mountain would you go to in Florida? I don't know. One near the Space Center.

Mount Canaveral. Yeah. Perfect. Mount Canaveral. Yeah. That's a beautiful mountain. Gorgeous mountain range. Gorgeous. The whole range is nice. The whole range is gorgeous. Constantly snowal. Yeah. That's a beautiful mountain. Gorgeous mountain range. Gorgeous.

The whole range is nice. The whole range is gorgeous. Constantly snow-covered. Yes. Beautiful. Everyone talks about the Alps, but they forget about the Canaveral range in Florida. The Canaveral mountain range is beautiful. The views are just beautiful.

Oh, I could just sit out and see the things taking off. Disney and everything. Yeah. I could see everything, and see the things taking off. Disney and everything. Yeah. You could see everything, man. That'd be awesome. Yeah, you'd sit on top of your... Daytona. Oh, God, that's right.

Sit up there and watch the ocean. Front row tickets and everything. And watch NASCAR. Watch NASCAR. You could look at Disney World. Yeah. Right? Look at Potter, Harry Potterville.

Yeah. You could see everything. The whole thing. All floors just laid out in front of you. You could see the Keys, too. See the Keys? You know, it's beautiful. Keys? Yeah. You saw everything. The whole thing. All Florida, just laid out in front of you. You can see the Keys, too. See the Keys? Yeah, it's beautiful. Keys?

Yeah. Cuba, you can see Cuba from the top of Mount Canaveral. Oh, absolutely. Cuba's not that far. It's a good place, Ricky. You should go there, bud. And you're safe when the oceans start flooding. That's right.

You're on a fucking mountain. You've got a lot more years than the rest of them. It will be warm. If you spend enough time on Mount Canaveral, you might turn into a Greek god. Oh, that would be amazing. And then once the rest of it's underwater, you just leave your mountain and go out in your boat

and start diving down and taking all the shit that's left there in everyone's fucking homes and buildings. Oh, man. Unlimited supplies. Sounds like you just wrote a movie, a hit movie, Ricky. Mount Canaveral, boys. Mount Canaveral. Make sure when you go up... Mount Canaveral, man. Unlimited supplies. Sounds like you just wrote a movie, a hit movie, Ricky. Mount Canaveral, boys. Mount Canaveral. Make sure when you go up...

Mount Canaveral, boys. Go up that mountain, you bring a lot of scuba diving equipment. That could be the tagline right there. What goes up must come down. Absolutely. What gets flooded must get robbed. Yeah. Right?

Rick, they're making you look stupid, by the way, okay? I'm saying this because you're a friend of mine. Yeah, they seem like they're... There's no such thing as Mount Canaveral. They're making you look like, by the way, okay? I'm saying this because you're a friend of mine. There's no such thing as Mount Canaveral. They're making you look like an idiot. No, we're saying it could exist. He wants a big fucking house there, man. Come on.

Could exist in an alternate universe. No, it doesn't exist. I bet before, you know, those ice sheets came down and ruined everything with the last ice age, there probably were mountains in Florida. They probably just got sheared right off. Sheared right off.

Probably cut off like that. That's maybe what the Bahamas and all those islands are. They were probably located in Florida at one point. Tumbled and they fell into the Caribbean and formed islands. That makes sense. That does make sense. I mean, how else did they get there?

Those are big islands. Same as Hawaii. Hawaii was one big mountain that fell into pieces. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Ricky knows. Is that what happened in life? You know what we did?

We didn't even ask the man. Yeah, do you have anything coming up? Lots of stuff. I've got a TED Talk coming up on geography. Oh, my God. Yeah. Excellent. I didn't know you were. Me drawing the map of the continental United States.

I didn't know you were a geographer. Bit of a geographer. Doing some stand-up occasionally when, you know, when I get tired of the cartography because I've been just creating maps. People have got it all wrong. They've got it all wrong. Oh, you're updating the maps? I'm updating Rand McNally Atlas.

That's cool. Yes, I'm sure. That's quite a task. That's a task. And I'm doing some comedy here and there. But it's just not as interesting as this new thing, this map making that I'm into right now. Oh, yeah, I know I can see

I'd fucking love to be in the maps maps are cool they are really cool they are cool and people don't use them anymore because they're always online they have the Google map yeah so is that your main competition these days yeah but I could see how people fuck them up because it would be hard to take something that big and draw it right right you know so there's a ton of fuck-ups. Yeah, there's, but that's the, I'm going to correct all those fuck-ups.

And you have a new series coming out or something, is that true? Oh yeah, I do. Yeah, it's called What Would Sal Do? And I play a priest.

Yeah. Yeah. A devout priest, really. Nice. And who thinks he's discovered the second coming of Christ. Is that a he? Well, we don't know. I guess that's the't know I can't say that's just I wouldn't you know that would ruin the

story yeah so I don't know maybe all right where can where people it's gonna be on super channel super channel yeah so we don't we get the soup that's the one s see that's the one SPCP-C-N I thought that was Sports Channel Is that what It's letters are Super Channel Not many people get it

Or watch it But I'm very proud of it It's a really good name It's a great It's a good name They probably just need A better slogan or something Yeah

What's it called? What would Sal do? What would Sal do? And it's kind of And it's dramatic And it's the first time I've ever done anything dramatic. Are you Sal?

No, Sal is the Jesus character. I'm the priest who thinks he's found the second coming. And it's comedy and you're the protagonist. I can't, that sounds awesome to me.

It's dramatic but it's got lots of comedy in it. Nice. I'm definitely gonna watch it. Me too. Yeah. Check it out on, thank you very much for coming.

Thanks, guys. This has been great. Thank you. Thank you, Jakasa, too. Jakasa. Just one last thing. Who would win here? Oh, jeez.

Stegosaurus. I don't know. That's a fucking trained fucking killer right there, too. He doesn't have a gun. He has a sword. That's making it a little more even, because he had a gun and he just shoot him. No. You doesn't have a gun. He has a sword. That's making it a little more even because he had a gun and he had to shoot him. No.

You couldn't shoot a stegosaurus. No. It would bounce right off of him. The horny plate would stop that bullet. Not if you had stegosaurus piercing bullets. Hmm. I think in order for him to win,

he'd have to get into the soft underbelly. And how's he gonna get there? Hmm. I haven't thought of that. What's the quickest route from A to B, I guess? Yeah.

Make a dive for it. He waits for him to make a move. Or maybe he buys him a drink. He fucking does this, and he flips right over like this, and lands, and just fucking... Right in his anus. Well, I don't know what the anus... Yeah, anus could be a deadly place.

It would be good. You would get in, there'd be no armor with anus open. That's always aimed for the anus could be a deadly place. It would be good. You would get in, there would be no armor. No armor. That's always aim for the anus when you're attacked by that kind of giant animal. Anytime. Alright, well thanks man. Thanks. Thank you on that.

Cheers everybody. Cheers. Always aim for the anus everybody. Aim for the anus. Aim for the anus. Run for the pink.