Trailer Park Boys Presents: Park After Dark - Episode 38 - Teen Bag

Episode Date: February 15, 2021

Bubbles' belly is rumbling like a f**king freight train today - on the menu are coconuts, day-old pizza and a trailer full of cheese! The Boys also check out a vintage teen magazine, a double-cocked chameleon, and Bubbles' latest bird impressions. CAWW CAWW!

🎵 There it is right there. There's where the stink's coming from. From the cards? Yeah. What the fuck happened to them? They were, I don't know, Ricky, but, yeah. Rick Springfield's real name is A, Rick Springfield, B, Richard Lewis Springthorpe,

C, Richard Andrew Springthorpe, or D, Noah Drake. Noah Drake. Is it? Yeah. I had no idea. Oh, I'm just guessing, Ricky. I don't have fucking clue.

Let's see number three. Richard Andrew Springthorpe? That's kind of fucked, isn't it? Could be. There's two Springthorpes, so I'd say one of them is correct. I'm going number three. How do you figure out the answer? I don't know. There's no answer? figure out the answer? I don't know.

There's no answer? I hope so, but I don't know. I don't really... This page is ripped out. Hmm. Oh, look at the fucking pinup

of Chris Atkins. Got the internet in my pocket because I am a modern man. Where did you find this magazine? Was it in your trailer, because I am a modern man. Where did you find this magazine? It was in your trailer, Julie?

What is Rick Springfield's real name? Richard Lewis Springthorpe. According to Wikipedia, Richard Lewis Springthorpe, known professionally as Rick Springfield, is an... Was that number two? No, it was B, number two. Yeah. Fuck! B.

That was pretty close. Maybe Drake's real name is Noah Drake. I knew it was a fucking spring-throat. Alright, what's the deal with this, man? This cassette tape, it says Julian's something mixed. Do you know what that says? Party mix? Yeah, that's your old party mix.

Rick Astley Yeah look Rick Astley it says Fuck off it doesn't say that It does No it doesn't Bananarama Rick Astley Milli Vanilli

That's That sounds like Randy's fucking music It's not my music man Maybe it's in the wrong case. And what's this one? I can't believe you used to fucking read these, Julian. These are... What?

Teen Bag. That's not mine. It's a weird name for a magazine, really. Well, this is a weird one, too. This is called... Menudo. I forgot about that. Bitches is Nice.

They're on tape. Bitches is Nice, Volume 3. Bitches is Nice. Oh, that's. Volume 3. Bitches is Nice. Oh, that's a rap. That's a rapper compilation. I remember that one. Rob Lowe, the ladies in his life. He's probably had a few of them.

What's the magazine called? Glen Scarpelli. That's an LP for you. What's the name of the magazine? It's called Teen Bag. No, it isn't. What? It is Teen Bag.

Is it for looking at teens' bags? No, but it shouldn't be called that. I see now why you had this edition. But you know what's fucked up? Patrick Swayze. Oh, shut up. It's a Swayze episode. But check this out. But you know what's fucked up? Patrick Swayze. Oh, shut up. It's a Swayze episode. But check this out.

There's no checks on the front of it. Because that's bags. They want magazines. That's what I'm saying about bags. It's not referencing that. It's just like, hey, check out my cool bag of stuff. What? You think it's a reference to their scrotums?

I don't know. There's something weird going on there, man. It's not teen scrotums. Just a bunch of crotch shots. It is not, Ricky. If it is, then get rid of it. Put it in the garbage. Is that from fucking 1984?

It is. No, it isn't. Lucky guess. Is that right? It looks like I got stung by a hornet. Holy fuck, this was $1.75 way back then. Wow, imagine how much Teen Bag is now. I bet you it's 20 bucks.

Most magazines these days are about a $15 item. 15 bucks? Aren't they? I don't know, man. I don't buy magazines. Who buys magazines these days? Richard Branson. Does he? He collects them, doesn't he? Who buys magazines these days? Richard Branson.

Does he? He collects them, doesn't he? No. Big magazine guy. Would you like to have your bag featured in Teen Bag? No, man. Talk to all the ladies in your life? Jeez, shut up, man.

Give some dating tips. That would be a weird magazine. What's that view doing there, man? Talking about all your crazy relationships. There's been a lot of fucked up ones. Hey, look at this. Paul McCartney and Michael Jackson hanging out. Yeah. Don't show bubs.

We'll get all excited. Well, it looks like your long-lost sister there, bubs. Who? Right down here. That doesn't look like my long-lost wife, because she's got glasses on. Ha! Very funny.

Let me see. She does kind of look a little bit like that. Well, she's got the jawline like you, man. It's like kind of down, you know? Chiseled and svelte. Yeah. That could be your sister. Those are the same fucking frames, man.

Fuck. She doesn't have my frames. Those are your frames. Notice how it doesn't show her bag. Hey, that's a good thing, man. Yeah, okay, here we go. Oh, man. Her bag.

Hey, there's the chick that went to jail. What jail? Remember that chick that went to jail for some university thing? Trying to get her daughters into college or something? Oh, yeah. That's her, right there. No, it isn't. That's her, man.

I'm telling you, right up there. As a kid? She's a fucking teen, I think, there. That is called right there. No it isn't. That's her, man. I'm telling you, right up there. As a kid? She's a fucking teen, I think, there. That is called teen bag. You mean what's-his-name's wife? Who? William H. Macy? No, man.

The other one. The other one. The one that was on that kid's show. The house one. Full House? Full House. The full house girl? That's her right there. I don't think it is. She went to jail,

man. She went, uh... So did Martha Stone. A month or something. Oh, yeah, no, that is it. Martha's way cooler than she is, though. Lori Loughlin. Hmm. Lori Loughlin was on Full House? I don't know if she was or not. Yeah, she was banging that other dude there.

What's his name? Stamos! Yes. She was banging him? I think that was her boyfriend or something, wasn't it? Stamos. Check that out. You went through a Stamos phase.

See? Now you're fucking lying. You went through a Stamos phase. No one would believe that I went through a fucking Stamos phase. Come on. Okay. Whatevs. Br. Whatevs. Brutal, man.

Her back. He puts the wine in the coconut. What is that song about, the putting the wine in the coconut? Lime. It's not wine. Lime? You put the lime in the coconut. Lime. It's not wine. Lime? You put the lime in the coconut. Doot, doot, doot.

Why would you do that? Harry Nelson. Why do you put a lime in a coconut? If you're drinking on the beach, Ricky. They're talking about- How would you fit it in? They cut the top off it and they pour the liquor in and you put a lime in the coconut.

Okay, now it's making more sense. I bet the wine would be better. You could put wine in a coconut if you dumped the lime in the coconut. Okay, now it's making more sense. I bet the wine would be better. You could put wine in a coconut if you dumped the coconut milk out first. And then you put rum in it. Yes, you could just add rum right to the coconut milk and have a nice... And apparently some lime.

And lime. It's called a rum nut. I want one right now. Where can we get one? We could go to the superstore and buy coconuts if you want. Do they have them this time of year? I would think so, Ricky. They ship them in from the coconut land. I heard they're growing trees.

Or are they vines? Coconuts? Like a peanut. Coconuts. They're growing trees, man. Palm trees. No, that's where palms grow. We're grow on trees, man. Palm trees. No, that's where palms grow. We're too high again, boys. No, no, no, no.

When you're like walking... We're too high again. I agree. I can't tell you what we've been talking about for the last five minutes. Palm fucking trees. That's where the coconuts are. People die because they fall. The last thing I remember talking about was Teen Bag.

Now all of a sudden we're talking about coconuts. What happened? Uh, drugs. But how did we get from Teen Bag to coconuts? I'm going to have to watch the tape. Because the song Wine and the Coconut was in my head. And then you started explaining about that

and then it went to, I don't know. Were we talking about John Stamos Bag? And you licking it? You were, like, in't know. Are we talking about John Stamos' bag? And you licking it? You were, like, in great detail. You were talking about Stamos' bag. Showered or a little day of sweat? Oh, Rick. What did you say?

What's your preference? What's my preference what? If you're going to lick a bag, do you want it fresh? Like out of the shower? Or do you want it day old? Ricky. No, man. Just no. Day old bagels are nice.

But that's about the only day old thing I would probably enjoy. What about day-old pizza? Day-old pizza's not bad. Maybe that's what Harry Belafonte was saying. Day-old. Day-old. Yeah. Day-old pizza and I want to go home. Day-old pizza and I want to go home. Day. Oh, it's a day old.

Day old pizza and we want to go home. Gooby wants to go home to his pizza. He was drinking all night. He had to go right to work. And he remembered he's got some pizza left over. And he just started singing about it. I need to go home and get my pizza.

Everybody said those days, huh? Speaking of teens and you were, did you hear about the British teen that came out of a coma after 11 months? No. Recently? Yeah. He had no idea about the fucking Rona. He what?

He came from where? In the British. Over in England. Yeah. Where was he? In British. He was in a coma. Oh, he was in a British. Over in England. Yeah. But where was he? In British. He was in a coma. Oh, he was in a coma.

For 11 months. So he went into the coma before the Rona was like fucking everyone up. Oh, you imagine waking up to that fucking apocalypse? What the fuck is going on? You wouldn't even believe it. And he actually caught the Rona twice while he was in the fucking coma. What? Yeah, survived it.

How? Because it goes through twice while he was in the fucking coma. What? Yeah, survived it. How? Because it goes through hospitals. He was in one. What about the, what if the. I didn't know he could get it twice, though. You can, Ricky. What if it got him out of the coma? It was like, it triggered something.

It didn't get him out of the coma. He could be on to something. They should give it to everybody in the coma just to see. That's a good idea. Oh, fantastic idea. Somebody clinging to life, shoot them with a deadly virus. Just in case. Works.

Poor fucker, though. He was on his way to get some award from Buckingham Palace. More research needed. Get him by a fucking car. Coma. Coma and then wake up. Then Rona. Then he's okay. Well, yeah. Get in my fucking car. Coma. Coma and then wake up. Then Rona. Then he's okay.

Rona coma. How you doing, John? Rona coma. Nice to meet you. Well, there could be something massive with that if we did... I swear to fuck. I keep getting stung by a hornet or something. Something keeps...

You sure you don't cut, like, a pellet in there? Could be an old gunshot wound. Someone hit you with a pellet? Something keeps poking me sure you don't cut like a pellet in there? Could be an old gunshot, wouldn't it? Someone hit you with a pellet? Something keeps poking me. You got something inside you.

I think I'm getting ghost poked. That's a good movie. Your mama is. I was going to say it'd be a good movie. Why? Ghost poked.

Ghost keeps poking you. Actually, it'd be your grandmama does because she's... Oh, you taught Ghost keeps poking you. Actually, maybe your grandmama does because she's... Oh, you taught about poking poking. Yeah, ghost poking another poke. I mean ghost. Like porn. Ghost porn. Yeah, and his grandmother did. Ghost porn. She would be

good at it, I bet. If you got poked by a ghost, would you feel it, though? It's one of those questions. It depends on if they've crossed into the netherworld in a certain way. If they retain their dimensional faculties

from this life when they cross to the nether they might be able to still... Can a ghost even get it up? Oh, ghosts can get hurt. They can do anything. So there's hope.

There's hope. There was a guy that was getting banged by a ghost. Remember? I think we talked about it on this. Oh, yeah. Remember? Oh, yeah, yeah. He was getting a ghost.

Or a woman married a ghost, maybe. Somebody was banging a ghost, I remember. Or getting bang he was a ghost. Or a woman married a ghost, maybe. Somebody was banging a ghost, I remember. Or getting banged by a ghost. Yeah, I think it was some dude was getting banged by a ghost. Hmm. Wow, man. So you guys thought we ate a lot of cheese during the Super Bowl? Not as much as the Americans.

Okay. The Americans ate 20 million pounds of cheese during the Super Bowl. 20 fucking million. That's a lot of fucking cheese. One guy. No, no. I don't think it was one dude. Come on, it wasn't one guy, Ricky.

I was joking. I was teasing you. 20 million pounds of cheese, man. How much cheese would that be? I think it would fill this trailer. Oh, I would think so. How many pounds are those like wheels of cheese? Your average wheel, you're looking at, it depends on the density.

Are you talking about a, you know, if it's a Swiss, that's one thing. Parmesan. Parmesan's going to have some weight. That's going to be weighty. That's going to be weighty, whereas one of your lighter cheeses, like a Brie, you know, not as dense, creamy. So what are you saying? What, 10 pounds a wheel? I would, it would have to be 10 pounds a wheel, wouldn't it?

You're talking the big wheel, right? Yeah. That you could put on your car? I would think it would fill more than this trailer, Ricky. I would think it would fill... It would be two million of those things. There's only one way to find out, gentlemen. Let's fill the trailer with cheese.

Ricky, we don't have access to 20 million pounds of cheese. I think we should use shredded, too. It would stack better. Hmm. Imagine all the fucking time we'd have if this was just shredded cheese. Imagine the mice problem we'd just shredded imagine the mice problem fuck imagine the mice problem yeah then it gets very damped and it starts to stink smells like stinky old feet not good man and if it gets too hot it might all melt together

and you just have a great big fucking cheese log. You're in a cheese boat then. What if you woke up and you were inside that? What if somebody filled it with shredded cheese while you were sleeping? And you woke up in a, you know, trapped in a shredded cheese avalanche? Then what do you do? Eat your way out. Too high. Yeah.

Yeah, we got to stop talking about that, boys. There was this woman in New Zealand. She got caught smuggling 947 cactuses. Or is it cacti? Cacti. Fuck. Where did she have them? Strapped to her body. Why in the fuck would you smuggle cacti into a country?

They're worth money. And certain rare cacti can fetch a pretty penny. Maybe there's drugs that we don't even know about in a cacti. There is, Ricky. Peyote. Can't you get peyote from sucking on a cactus? You suck on a cactus, Ricky. Peyote. Can't you get peyote? Sucking on a cactus? You suck on a cactus, buddy. You must be pretty starving for fucking peyote.

I don't mean you put the prickly part in your mouth. I mean you slice her up and get rid of the prickles, and then you suck the juice out of it. Pretty sure. Pretty sure you can suck the juice out of a cactus and get off. No fucking way. I think there is something to that. Pretty sure. Pretty sure you can suck the juice out of a cactus and get off. There's no fucking way. I think there is something to that.

Yeah. You can get fucked up from eating a cactus, drinking cactus juice. No, the peyote. That's what you said, right? Well, I've heard of that coming from a cactus size. Why don't you have these fucking things here? I don't know. I'm just thinking if you're going to fucking smuggle 20 million or no.

What if they make tequila isn't that from isn't agave from the the cactus family maybe maybe man yeah i think it's from the leaves maybe i'm picturing an aloe vera plant too that's what i think you are yeah that's definitely break those open in there all she should have been smuggling something way better, like fucking cactus seeds. Aloe vera. Smuggle that? Is that worth the money? Well, no, but you can make a couple bucks off it rather than going to the store and buying the jar.

What about hashish or something delicious? Well, maybe she didn't want to go to jail for 500 years. Now she's in jail, people will be like, what are you in for? Decided to smuggle some cacti. Cacti. Yeah, that's pretty fucked. It's a fucking weird one.

And why can't you bring cacti into New Zealand? Bugs and shit, man. If there's a bug on it and pops off and goes and fucks other bugs, then you got a problem. Cacti bugs. Yeah, then you get a problem. Cats, bugs. Yeah, they'll start fucking everything.

I should work on my bird call, maybe. Your bird call? I've been working on bird calls, yeah. What kind of bird? Like a man's bird? Ricky, no. Why would I call one of those? Ready? Yes.

Just wait. You gotta get the cut right tight. Is it a turkey cut? This isn't gonna work. Woo! Woo! Man, don't be doing that shit. Next thing I know, I'm gonna be fucking bird shitting all over my place. Woo!

Woo! I thought you were going to blow in and have a little... You know what I mean? Like a real bird call. Woohoo! That's a... It's a pigeon.

A dove? That's a dove. I was looking at these things. They're... Brickiesia nana. Chameleon, something like that. They're fucking like to fit on the tip of your fingertip. Yeah, they're only that big. They've got your asshole.

Huge cocks, two of them. What? Yeah. Their cocks are disproportionately big. Okay. That's what it is. Yeah, I know the feeling. That was the headline.

Get it? Yeah, that's a good one. But he got double cockers. Two of them. They've got two. Side by each. Double barrel shotgun. That's fucked up, man.

Yeah. Something just an inch big's got two big gogs on it. Fuck. Lucky little fuckers just running around, two big gogs. Right. Yeah. How does that make them lucky? They're a chameleon, first of all.

They're not that lucky. They can change colors. See, and they got two big gogs. They can change colors. As long as you want. Can they make each one a different color? I'm sure they could. Have a red one

and a blue one? Yeah. Maybe mix it up. They're half and half. I'd go full orange, I think. Here in my stomach. Oh.

Growling. I thought that was a fucking truck driver. No, that was me. Oh, shit. You gotta get some food, man. Starvation diet. Have we been doing this for, what, an hour?

Feels like an hour. It's at least an hour. Hour and a half. I bet you if we talk Italian, I bet you it's 15 minutes. Six other dummies got arrested for changing the Hollywood sign to Holly Boob. That's a mission. Why? Holly Boob.

It's weird. Holly Boob. I saw that one time they changed it to Holly Wheat. Holly Boob. That was kind of cool, but Holly Boob. And there were some ladies involved, wasn't there? They had like... One lady.

Five dudes. Was her name Holly Boob? That would be even better. She said it was to bring awareness to breast cancer, but I don't think. Oh, that's a pretty good thing because we're talking about it, so it fucking worked. I think it's just for a shit. What do you think it's about?

It's just what she said. Well, if she said it, then it worked, Ricky, is what I'm saying, because would we have been talking about that awareness if she didn't change the name to Holly Boo? No, we would not. So she did the right thing. She's smart, then. Well, I mean, I'm more aware of the whole situation now,

just from her hijinks. Her shenanigans. Holly boob. What would you guys change it to if you could? Holly what? Four letters. Any letters or do you have to keep the two letters? Any letters, man.

Four of them. You hear my belly? Holly would. I would change it to... Holly High. I would change it to Dollywood as a thank you to Dolly Parton for donating all that money to the coronavirus people. Yeah, that wasn't a question, though. It was the Holly and then four letters.

Oh, you've got to change to the last four letters. I thought you said change the sign. Holly would be... sign. Holly. Holly fuck. Holly fuck would be good. Holly fuck. Yeah, I mean, if you just got rid of one of the L's, you know, strapped a truck to it, tore it right out of there,

then it would just be holy fuck. Yeah, you'd have to do the... Put out of there. Then it would just be, holy fuck. Yeah. You'd have to do the... Put a dash there. Holy fuck. That'd be all right. Holly sleth. Ricky.

Ricky. Yeah. Holly. We're not going to do it anytime soon. Polly food. We're not going to do it anytime soon. No, man. No.

Let's think of something else I'm starting to feel right now. We can't go down there right now. Oh, no. I was fucking, I was on right out there. Hitler's toilet seat's coming up for auction if you guys are interested. Why in fuck's name. Men in the world ever. Why in anybody...

Why in the fuck would anybody want Hitler's toilet seat? Maybe you're in... You got a shit fetish and you're into dictators. Oh, he was. He had a shit fetish. Really? He had a toilet. I think that's one of the leftover things in Europe.

He was fascinated with the Poozini, and he built toilets that had ledges inside them so that when you took a poo, it didn't automatically go in the water. It landed on dry land first so he could look at it. That's a fact. You can learn a lot from poo. Yeah, Winnie did. That's a fact. You can learn a lot from poo. Yeah.

Winnie did. Hey, Ricky, here's a joke for you. What's brown? What's brown and lays in the woods? A bear. Winnie's poo. Get it? Get it, man.

He's a bear, so he shits in the woods. Yep. That's a classic. So what's the big plans for Sunday? What Sunday? Two days from now, guys. Very important day. One of the most important days of the year.

Super Bowl? Nope. Super Bowl already happened. That happened, man. Yeah, see, I don't like fucking football. Remember the 20 million pounds of cheese? Yeah. That got eaten.

Already. Oh, yeah, right. Super Bowl. Cheese day. Tampa Bay. What the fuck are you talking about? So what's coming up this Sunday? What's coming up Valentine's Day?

Oh, yeah. Fuck, boys. Oh, no, I've got my tines already done up. Don't worry. I wonder who the lucky ladies are going to be. Or the poor ladies, depending on how you look at it. What poor ladies? Poor.

Oh. And who are the lucky ones? Well, I was going to say, I wonder who the lucky ladies would be. They get to go on some dates with us. But they're probably poor ladies for going on dates with us because we have no money and it's gonna be a shitty date. Well, one of them's gonna be very lucky. Imagine going on a date with that thing. I heard the thing they make for ladies for this Valentine's is a pop-up card.

I made it. I've got all my times done, boys. And I made a pop-up card. It made it. I've got all my times done, boys. And I made a pop-up card. It's a kitty that goes, well. I agree. It doesn't count. I want to know how to make one because I want to have a fucking, I want it to be complicated. I want a tree to come out. You basically, here's how you do it, Ricky.

It's very easy. Okay. You decide what you want the thing to be. What do you want to pop up? Tree. Blossoms. Okay. So here's what we do.

You get some nice construction paper. You draw a tree on it. I have some. You draw your tree. Tree blossoms. Okay so here's what we do you get some nice construction paper you draw a tree on it. I have some. You draw your tree. 3D or 2D? No listen you draw it the way you want it and then you get out your scissors you got your little hash scissors weed scissors. Yeah. And you cut it out so then you got your tree right cut out then you take your other piece of paper and you make your card, square card, fold it in the middle. Then you take your tree. Yeah. And you just fold about an inch at the bottom.

You paste it onto your card. But first you fold it in half. Same way, paste the bottom, bend it down into the fold, close the whole thing. And then when you open it, boink,ink up she goes it's just a little shitty tree i want like a real tree no i'm talking about a paper pop-up card tree i want to look real though you want an actual tree to blast out of the card when it opens it it should look like a tree not a piece of construction so you want a 3D printed tree to pop up?

I've heard that sometimes you open a card and things just... They come all together like that. That's called virtual reality, Ricky. When I put the helmet on you and you saw that. Oh. So I can't make one of those? No, Ricky. Jesus, Murphy, you're talking...

All right, fine. Elon Musk might be able to... I'm not making a pop-up card. I'm going to go back to flowers. But flowers are not great right now. Why don't you get a pair of, why don't you get a set of magician flowers and then you got the best of both worlds because you can do the, you know, out of the lawn. That's kind of what you're talking about with the tree,

but a magician's wand that can shoot flowers. I like the idea. No. Would it be offensive? And just be honest. Yes, I'm going to say yes already. Okay, I'm not doing it. No, what is it?

I want to know. If you had the magician flowers, maybe instead of putting them in your sleeve, they ended up in your pants, and then you did an unzip and... You blasted flowers. That would be better than just going here that'd be way better depends on who you're talking if you do if you're at that you'd want a twitch check

and you did that they'd say get the fuck away from me all right you're on a date it's going well man you're laughing giggling well see that's different if you've already established does the zipper come down oh ricky i mean you'd have to know that the person's going to laugh at the joke. You wouldn't just, you know, want to be on a first date and, hi, what's your name? Oh, it's very nice. Zing! That would not work.

Probably not a great opening move. But if you knew the person, maybe you're dating a stand-up comedian. That's different, see? If you're dating a stand-up comedian. That's different, see? If you're dating a... She's a welder. No. I was going to say a magician, but no. A magician?

If you were dating a magician, I don't think you could mess with that joke. No, you're in. You're in then. But, see, if you're dating a... Welder? She's a welder, yeah. I haven't met her yet, but she seems... A librarian or...

We've talked on the phone. I think the only people you're guaranteed that that joke's gonna work is a magician and a comedian, stand up comedian. Or a person that makes pants. They might be impressed with the way the zipper worked. Maybe. Yup, pants maker. maybe you're not pants maker

February 12th not much really Gretzky scored 153rd point of the season in 1982 broke a record

right on scream the painting got stolen Oslo 1934 Or 1994 What?

That looks like something What the fuck are you doing? The fucking painting, scream I just did it He's upset Look, people can screenshot that 1967 No, Jesus, don't do that

Because they're going to be photoshopping things going in my mouth. Miriam Faithful got busted for drugs. We're going to have to edit that out. That's going to be a bunch of memes.

Holy fuck. Abraham Lincoln and Charles Darwin were both born on February 12th, 1809. Who? Abraham Lincoln and Charles Darwin.

He was smart, wasn't he? Decent. Didn't he come up with gravity? Darwin? No. Nobody came up with gravity. He's the one that said that we came from apes. Darwin had a theory of evolution. Oh, he's the one that said that we came from apes. Darwin had a theory of evolution.

Yeah, he was wrong. You're thinking of the guy that invented gravity was... Arsenio Hall. Arsenio, are you kidding me? It's his birthday today, too. Oh, I thought you were guessing. Who is the guy with the gravity? He was the apple guy.

Newton. Newton. Fig Newton. No, he didn't invent Fig Newton. No, it was his nickname. Fig. Let's go down to Fig's house. No, he's working on math problems tonight.

Don't bother him. All right. I'm done. What are we doing today, gentlemen? I'm going to figure out who pissed on those cards. Boop boop. Just, I did not. Just chuck a mo' puffs. He leaks piss sometimes when he's drunk. Listen, listen. Don't, it better not be birds.

No, it's my stomach's gonna growl. Listen, ready? Day-o!