Trailer Park Boys Presents: Park After Dark - Episode 39 - An Honest Man

Episode Date: May 2, 2016

Ace musician Matt Andersen is this week's podcast guest! He plays some deee-cent tunes, and chats with the Boys about Prince, rock-eating crocodiles, and tom-tato plants. We also learn the truth about Ricky's "fingering accident"! Episode 39 is brought to you by Jukasa vapor products. Jukasaaaaa!!    

What are you drinking? What is that? What? What are you drinking, man? Some kind of liquor and orange fruit crystals that you mix up. What are you drinking? Drinking a real drink. Ricky, what the fuck do we smoke, man?

Like, seriously, I told you, if we're ever doing these fucking podcasts, I'm not smoking, like, that crazy shit. Are we starting? I didn't even know we were starting. Yeah, we're starting. Okay, well, it's still part of the 20 days of 420, and we're a little banged up, but we're here. We were just waiting for you to do your shit. Okay, hey, what's going on, everybody?

This is the official Trailer Park Boys podcast. It's coming at you right now. This is episode, what is it, episode? You fucking, you never know. You never know. It's 39. You insist on being the guy that announces the fucking thing, but you never know what number it is. It's 39 or 40.

Well, Kyle, he'll make sure it's the right one. It's 29 or 39 or 40. Alright. Well, are you gonna do your fucking thing? What thing? You always do the, I'm waiting for you. Yeah, we're waiting for you to do your thing you fucking do every week. What do you, I don't do... You fucking talk about this shit, and then I fucking have to take a little...

I don't talk about that every week. Every week you fuck about your cousin, hold one of these up. I don't know what you're saying, man. I don't do it, I've done it a couple times, but I don't do it every week. And that's... Listen to this. That's bullshit. You always get the gas to say,

oh, Ducasa, Ducasa. Who does? You do. For weeks he's been, he did this deal with these Ducasa people and he's telling us he doesn't make money and every week he's been trying to get the gas to say, Ducasa.

He says it like that. How do I say it? I don't know. You always try to make it sound right fancy, Ducasa. That sounds dumb. Stupid. That sounded good. All right, we can start now. We always try to make it sound right. That sounds dumb. Stupid. That sounded good. All right. We can start now. Are you going to do it?

No, you guys just did it. So I don't have to do it now. Thank you. Thank you for, you know, participating in us trying to make some money. Jedi mind fucked us. Well, I'm just saying, I've been doing all the work with this shit. Great. Every podcast, you guys have done a dick of all. You know what? We've got to cut all this out because we have a fucking awesome guest here who's just sitting here going, what in the fuck are these guys talking about?

Well, stop being a dick. It was a really slow start because you fucked it up, but now we're good. Now we're good. We've got a fucking awesome guest on the podcast today. We fucking do. Got a CD right here. This is Matt Anderson right here. How you doing, man? Good, man. How you doing? Fucking incredible. That's his new, well, we've got her upside down. How you doing, man? Good, man. How you doing? Incredible. That's his new... Got her upside down.

That's the new CD right there, Honest Man, it's called. That come out when? February? February. Right on. And it's fucking awesome. It's tearing it up. And you're on tour in the US as well. I am. Starting tomorrow. Awesome. So, yeah, check out his dates

and come out and see this guy. He's unbelievable. Where can people get this site? Everywhere. Everywhere? I hope. At the word you Casa has sold. Nice. Oh, thanks, man. No problem.

Thank you, brother. So you made a side deal with him? You know, we had a little chat about it. He's going to go home with a lot of merchandise today. You know? Don't... He'll be having you try to sell this at your show. Don't listen to him.

You don't have to. We'll get into that later, Matt. This is, you know, not a good time for that. Alright, you know what? Can you just... I don't even want to fucking wait. I don't want to fuck around. I'm wondering if you'll just play a song right out of the gate. I definitely can play you a song right now. We saw a show the other night. Fucking incredible. What are you going to play for us?

The title track, Honest Man. Wicked. Wicked! What are you gonna play for us? Uh, the title track, Honest Man. Weck it. Weck it! ¶¶ ¶¶ ¶¶ ¶¶ ¶¶ ¶¶

¶¶ ¶¶ ¶¶ ¶¶ ¶¶ It's so hard getting by these days As an honest man I'm just trying to do my part I want to lend a hand Now when I need it

I can't get no help Cause everybody's just serving themselves Nobody's got time for an honest man as men Well all the movers and the shakers and the powers that be They turn their backs on each other

They turn their backs on each other, they turn the backs on me. Now I just want to know where I stand. Am I a mountain or a grain of sand? Nobody's got time for an honest man What do I have to do To get your attention I have so much to say Why don't you just listen?

It's so hard out here For an honest man I keep trying I keep trying To do what I can I keep my head up along the way Thinking maybe, just maybe someday Somebody's gonna have time for an honest man Somebody's gonna have time for an honest man

Yeah! Decent! Decent! Yeah, that was wicked, man. Honest man, Matt Anderson. Holy fuck, that's got some crazy chords in it, too. I was trying to watch you there, because I'm going to learn that one. Maybe you can show me after. My hands do weird things.

They don't really make... They're just kind of like sausages. Well, they're good, good sausages. They're good sausages, though. Good kind. Ricky. Yeah, that was awesome. What? Ricky, did you see the new, uh new ice maker I put in the fridge? Try it out.

What are you talking about? Look. Oh, nice, Bubz. Got one of those installed. You know, the ones. No fucking way. Yeah. How does it work?

You just, you know, Ricky, you just push it in and the ice falls out. Fuck. Bubz! It's a magnet, Ricky! Fuck! That was a good one, man. That was a fucking good one. I knew you'd like that, Ricky.

So dumb, man. Fuck! That's so fucking dumb. Okay, boys. All right, Bubz, what do you want to talk about? Let's get some funny shit going. Let's see what Matt wants to talk about, what do you want to talk about? Let's get some funny shit going. Let's see what Matt wants to talk about. What do you want to talk about?

You got anything to talk about? Not really. Anything crazy? You want to hear some crazy things? I'd love to hear something crazy, though. Some crazy stuff we heard on the internet? You want to hear something crazy, Ricky? Yeah, I do.

I knew you would love this one. Did you guys know this? Crocodiles swallow rocks to dive deeper. See? That's an animal that thinks he's smart, and he's fucking dumb. It's a good idea. He's going to fucking, how the fuck can I be heavier? Oh, look at those rocks.

Swallows them down, fucking goes deeper. Then all of a sudden he's like, oh, fuck. Now I've got to shit those rocks out. Dumb animal. Because they're not going to feel good coming out, trust me, I've been there. Well maybe they throw them, he throws up the rocks. So you think he's dumb because he doesn't think it out, he doesn't think far enough ahead, he's a crocodile. He only thinks about part one.

You should be thinking about part two and part three. The pain. But how do you know, maybe he regurgitates them. Maybe he's, you know, what do you think? Why does he want to go deeper? Hey, see that? Different take on it right there. That was deep. Why does he want to go deeper, Ricky?

Bigger animals, deeper you go. Or bigger fish, maybe. There could be something dead at the bottom of the lake or whatever. And then he wants to get down there and he can't. I think it's pretty smart that he... Did you throw somebody in the lake? I didn't throw somebody in the lake. But it's pretty smart that a crocodile has...

You know, that's pretty smart. I'm gonna fucking swallow some rock so I can go deeper. It's gonna make me heavier. It's pretty fucked up. I bet after the first time he did it, though then he started smoling a bunch of tiny rocks so they come out easier. Because if you fucking eat a big rock, I'm telling you, it's not gonna feel pleasant.

Yeah, I thought of a mistake the first time. Have you ever eaten a big rock, Ricky? I've eaten some rocks. I knew he was gonna say that. Well, when I was younger, you know, you just eat different things and you try them out. I thought rocks might help with the indi... Indi...

objection, or what's it called? Indi... indigestion. Yes. You thought a rock would help with that. So as a small child, you had bad indigestion? Yeah. You thought, fuck, maybe if I eat some rocks. I ate everything to try to settle this shit down.

It didn't work anyway, and coming out, not good at all, especially the ones that have edges. Anyway, that's a pretty fucked up fact. I'm just wondering why you had such bad indigestion as a kid. Really? Ray. Fucking Ray. We ate a lot of weird shit, bubs.

Butter and sugar sandwiches. I never ate a butter and sugar sandwich in my life. It's not very good. Sounds like it would be. All right, you got anything else that's more exciting than dumb fucking alligators? Well, am I the only one that prepared anything? I do have a few things here, man, but I lost them. We could talk.

Did you guys order your Tom-tato plants? My what? Remember I said ketchup chips would be great if you could grow a fucking plant? Had the fucking potatoes and the tomatoes on the same plant, and you thought I was fucked in the head? They have them now. They have a fucking plant, came out and over

in the country across the ocean, called a Tom-tato. It grows tomatoes and fucking They have a fucking plant. Came out and over the country, across the ocean. Called a Tomtato. It grows tomatoes and fucking potatoes in the same plant. I could have been a fucking billionaire, and you said I was an idiot. I never said you were an idiot. I would have said that was a great idea. So now you get a plant,

fucking grow your potatoes and your tomatoes, you make ketchup chips. One fucking plant. Are you fucking serious, man? Look it up. Tomtato plant. Tom one fucking plant. Are you fucking serious, man? Look it up. Tom-kato plant. Tom-tato plant. Tom-tato plant. Yep.

I gotta fucking look that up, bud. Do it. Well, Ricky, even if you had invented the Tom-tato plant, it doesn't mean you can make ketchup chips off of one plant. Well, you'd have everything you need. Just potatoes and tomatoes. That's all that's in a ketchup chip. Pretty much.

That's what they make ketchup out of, Bob's tomatoes, in case you didn't know. So how do they make, how do they turn the tomato into that little red dust, Ricky? I guess they dry it out and put it through like a screen, maybe, like you do when you're making hash. So wouldn't they just be called tomato chips at that point? I never really thought it out that far. It exists, though, doesn't it? Yeah, you're right.

I can't fucking believe it. I fucking knew it. It actually, the tomatoes grow on, like, the vine, and the potatoes grow in the soil. Oh, shit. Attached to the same plant. Okay, that makes more sense. So that's what I was thinking.

I was thinking, like, potatoes hang in there. That's what I thought, too. I thought it would look like that. Okay, that makes more sense. So that's what I was thinking. I was thinking, like, potatoes hanging there. That's what I thought too. I thought it would look like that. See, that's stupid right there. That's, like, potatoes don't grow that way, Ricky. Look at that. It's close. See this?

That's what we're dealing with on a daily basis right here. There's... That's what I was figuring. How the fuck do potatoes grow in the air when they're used to growing underground because they don't like the light? Yeah, that makes more sense. Smart fucking guy that did that. They're used to growing underground because they don't like the light. Yeah, that makes more sense.

Smart fucking guy that did that. Yeah, he is actually. Pretty smart guy. Did you hear about that cocksucker that wanted to cross the Caribbean... It's not a lake. An ocean? Is it a Caribbean ocean? Yeah, the sea. Well, he wanted to cross it in one of those floating water wheels.

Did you see this guy? I saw him on TV. He looked fucked. But I don't know if he made it or if he drowned or if his floating water wheel fucking burst. Did you hear about him, Bubs? No. I thought you'd be fascinated with him. What did he do? He got in a water wheel. A floating water wheel he invented. It looks fucking like a big hamster thing. He was going to cross the Caribbean lake with it.

In a clear hamster ball? It was similar to that, yeah. And it was clear? Yeah. So he cocked himself then, probably. I don't know. I don't know if he made it. That's what I was asking you. I don't have a clue.

All right, fucking Jesus. Do you guys have anything then? This is real exciting, guys. Maybe we should talk to Matt here, guys. That's a good idea. He's sitting here, and you guys are fucking going on about hamster wheels and fucking tomato potato plants.

Well, it's because of what he gave us to smoke, that's why. Well, no shit. Now, it's fucking everything up, Ricky. It's the 20 days of 420. Do you want to be part of it or not? I am part of it. Excellent. Right now. I didn't realize I be part of it or not? I am part of it. Excellent. Right now.

I didn't realize I was part of it until it was too late. Where's your favorite place to play or do you have one? My favorite place to play? I love playing the East Coast. Yeah. Halifax is good. Always good here. Nice. Awesome. Where's the craziest place you played like?

A prison. A prison? Yeah, I played a prison. Like Johnny Cash? Just, oh yeah, kind of like? A prison. A prison? Yeah, played a prison. Like Johnny Cash? Just, well, yeah, kind of like that. Where, what prison? It was in Washington. That's crazy.

It was big, yeah. Did it get rowdy or? It did. Anyone get shanked? Nobody gets shanked. They all wanted my broken guitar strings, though. I bet they're good. Yeah.

You know some stuff with that, saw your bars open. Tattoos, that's what I was told. Tattoos, yeah. Oh, yeah. A vegan show. Pie Easter. Exactly. Right?

Fuck. So you've toured all over the world, man. That's pretty cool. It's great. I love it. How many days a year are you putting in? 250 shows a year. Holy shit.

Holy fuck. Hardest working man in show business. That's crazy. How many days a year are you putting in? 250 shows a year. Holy shit! Oh, fuck. Hardest working man in show business. That's crazy. So you play like, what's your favorite place, you know, around the world to play? Like, you know, other than east coast of Canada, Scotland. Scotland, yeah. So they get pretty rowdy on the lecker there.

They get rowdy, good scotch, good cheese, they got it all. Did you ever play any like crazy country, Not crazy, but like, you know, countries you wouldn't think you ever would have played? Prague. Prague, that's really awesome. Where's that? That was in the Czech Republic. That was probably the weirdest place I've ever been to.

Czech Republic, Ricky. Over in Europe. Near Russia. I know where it is. I know my countries. You do, do you? Some of them, yeah. I don't think I'd like to go there now though, based on what he's saying. Based on what? He said it's pretty different there. Why wouldn't you want to go, man?

Is it worth going or is it... I love it. Oh, okay. There's castles everywhere. Oh, that sounds fucking cool. Great beer in Europe. You're fucked, aren't you, Bob? I am.

I absolutely am. I'm not denying it. All right. Oh, yeah, here's one I thought you might find interesting. Ricky? Really? How many cans of soda do you think the average person drinks a year? This goes for Canada and the U.S.

Me personally or on an average? The average person. Ten thousand. No, that's high. Ten thousand? That's very high. Yeah, that's high. Okay. That'd be like a couple cases a day. A hundred? No, That would be... Yeah, that's high. Okay. That'd be like a couple cases a day. A hundred. No, it's more than that.

Six hundred. Six hundred? Doesn't that seem fucking high to you? Six hundred cans of pop a year? That is a lot. That's like almost two a day. I don't drink any cans of pop. Yes, you do. I've seen you drink pop lots of times.

What do you mean? Well, yeah, but not cans. Well, Ricky, they're just... So, like, my answer would have been zero. How many cans of pop do you drink a year? None. But you drink bottles. Yeah, well, mix and stuff. Well, I think what they're saying, Ricky, is this is... they're just giving you a volume reference. Well, that's low then.

They aren't saying what they drink it out of. It's more than three a day when you think about it. Just mix alone. Oh, yeah, mix. If you include the whole mix thing, man, that's a lot. You drink beer or hard liquor with mix? With mix? Hard liquor with mix.

Hard liquor with mix. See, I didn't factor in the mix. I wasn't thinking of that. I was thinking they were talking, you know, you just go drink a... So this must be the average person that doesn't consume with alcohol, maybe. Do you think? You think you'd be over 600 with mix? Oh, fuck yeah.

Definitely. That's only three a day, bubs. I mean, that's what, 10 drinks? On a weekend, you're 15, 30 drinks. That's a lot of mix. On a night, on a week, yeah. You're 15, 30 drinks. That's a lot of mix. On a night, on a week, yeah. You got to factor in Christmas, holidays. Christmas as well.

All the holidays, you double up on it. So, yeah, I'm thinking more like 1,500 a year. It's more of an average. That was exciting, bubs. Yeah, thanks, bubs. That was really exciting. Well, I just wanted to know what everybody thought. Pardon me. No, it was good. You should get facts that are right, though.

That's fucking wrong. That was way wrong, man. Okay, you wanna hear a fucking fact that's right? I'll tell you a fact that's right. Oh, fuck, that one. I didn't even see that there. We were gonna talk about Prince. Prince Donna.

Fuckin' hell, man. Were you a Prince fan? I was a Prince fan. He was unbelievable. Yeah. Guitar player. Absolutely. Songwriter, singer. Ah!

Amazing. Everybody keeps dying, so I'm gonna have to do a Prince tribute now on Guitar Lessons with Bob O'Shaugh. Gonna have to do a Prince tribute. Maybe you comeons with Bobble Shaw. Gonna have to do a Prince tribute. Maybe you come on with me. We could both dress up like Prince. I could dress up like Prince. We could, yeah. Yeah, I could do that.

Alright, that'd be nice guys. It'd be a very nice thing to do, Prince. Did you guys... Oh yeah, I wanted to bring this one up too, Ricky. The new smart mattress that's out. Did you see that? No. There's a smart mattress out. Yeah. And it hooks to your phone and you? No. There's a smart mattress out. Yeah. And it hooks to your phone and you can tell if anybody's banging in your bed. It's got sensors in it.

But you're gonna know if you're banging in your bed, right? No, but if somebody else is. Why would somebody else bang in your bed, Bubbs? I don't know, Ricky. So I can tell if, you know, we're going out for the day and you decide to break into my trailer and you're in there pounding someone in my bed, I'll know that. Like, I don't care.

Well, I'm just... I just... Okay, Ricky, I'm sorry. No, but what's the purpose of it? Can you tell the difference between someone jumping up and down on it? Or is it just... It's if somebody is, you know, if your husband or your wife is banging somebody in your bed.

Oh, okay. I get it now. It's an alert on your phone and the metrics on it, it has a speedometer. And one of the things is impacts per minute. That's what it monitors. Like the force or the... The speed. Okay.

It might be good to have that just for yourself. So you know, see how you're performing. That's what I was thinking to myself. That's why I wanted to bring it up to you. I thought you might want to get one. But it would kind of suck. You know, you're at work or robbing a place and your phone goes off. Oh, great.

Lucy's teeing off on someone. Awesome. Like, maybe you're better off not knowing. Maybe you shouldn't know. You definitely shouldn't get one of these mattresses, Rick. But it would be good to use while you're doing it. You could fuck around, you could watch it while you're doing it and get your speed changing and different impact pressures.

Wow. You gotta monitor that stuff. You gotta know. You think so? You think it's an advantageous thing to have? I thought it could be, yeah. Or not. But yeah, what a weird invention. So what is it, like a little bug, electronic bug that's in the bed? Yeah, that's what it is, Ricky.

Electronic bug that walks around in there. A little electronic bug named Aaron. Is that the guy that invented it? Yeah. Clever. There. A little electronic bug named Aaron. Then Nathan's not the guy that invented it? Yep. Clever. That's not good, Bubbs. You've got to have something better for us today, man.

Well, look who has nothing. This was handed to me by an unidentified person, so I don't know. I don't know why it's all up to me. I thought you were going to be Mr. Hey, I'm'm gonna have stuff this time. That's what you told us. And now you're looking like an idiot. What, what did you guys say? You were going on about how you were gonna be taking charge today and you haven't done anything.

Well, I've been trying to, but then you smoke one of his stupid fucking joints and you're ruined for the rest of the day. No, you're better for the rest of the day. No, you're better for the rest of the day. I don't, I seriously don't know how you live like this all day and all night. It's wonderful. It's wonderful. I'm trying to get something done and I can't do it. You know what I think we should do?

Let's get Matt to play another song. What do you think of that? That would be awesome. What's this song? Is this also on the CD? It is. This is from Honest Man. What's it called? Quiet Company.

Quiet Company, track number five. On Honest Man, here it is, Matt Anderson. guitar solo When the rain gets hard And you can't see the road It don't matter where you're going Get out of the cold You can come on in And stay with me for a while Wood for the fire

Soup on the gold The moon's coming up And you're a long way from home you can come on in and stay with me for a while when you're here with me As safe as you can be There's nothing but the sound Of the rain coming down And my quiet company Walk by the road Walk up the track

If I'm out in the garden You can let yourself inside Make yourself at home Stay with me for a while Don't need to call If you're just passing by The key's under the stone, second from the right. You can come on in and stay with me for a while. When you're here with me, it's as safe as you can be

there's nothing but time so ease your mind my quiet comes to me guitar solo When the night cools down and you drift off to sleep I'll tend the fire while you sweetly dream

You can close your eyes and stare at me for a while You can close your eyes and stare at me for a while It'll be just fine if you stay with me for a while Fuck. Decent. Awesome, man. Decent. Unbelievable fucking voice.

Yeah, it's crazy. Unbelievable playing. That's not what he's doing there. I can't even describe to you fucking how hard that is to do what he's doing. You know, I'm like totally fascinated with your voice. Could you do just like some little bluesy thing where you're just wailing? Like you don't even have to do a whole song. Just do a little fucking.

I just want to hear you. I want to hear you belt something. Sure. Listen to this. Every day, every day, every day I have the blues Every day, every day, every day I have the blues When you see me down hard and baby Sure that I hate to lose You imagine if he went on in one of those shows like The Voice, the fucking chairs would explode.

The chairs would blow. They'd turn around and go, Holy fuck! Who's this guy? Sign him up! I'd love to see Tom Jones say that. That'd be amazing. That'd be amazing.

So how many shows you got coming up in the U.S.? About 25 coming up on this run. What part of the U.S. are you going to be at? Midwest, then going down into Texas and California, coming back up. All right, so if you're watching this down there or anywhere, actually, or listening to it, check out, what's your website? Where can they see the...

Stubbyfingers.ca. That's your website? That's my website. You don't have stubbed fingers, do you? Well, they're not. Yeah, I think so. Well, they're, like we said, they're good ones. They're sausages. Stubbyfingers.ca. Check out the tour dates.

Check them out live. Unbelievable. Right on, Matt. Thank you very much, brother. I'll try that. Sorry Ricky got us so big this time. Ricky. What? What the fuck happened?

You know what happened. Didn't I tell you? Well, I thought you were joking. I was letting my grandson play with my hammer, and my fingers were on the table, and he just whacked them. Broke them. Letting him play with your hammer? He broke two fingers. Clean breaks, or?

Smashed breaks. Smashed, oh, fuck. Ricky. What? That's not what you told me, Herman. Well, we're not going to talk about that on this thing, are we? Well, is there a part B to the story? Well, when I heard the story, there was no hammer involved.

Ricky just called me up where he yelled out the window and he said he had a finger in accident. A finger in accident? That's what you yelled to me, Ricky. Yeah. Well, that may or may not have been what happened. It could have either been my grandson playing, that may or may not have been what happened. It could have either been my grandson playing with a hammer

or it could have been a finger in accident. Lucy may or may not have got bit by a bug in the middle of something and jerked forward really crazily hard and bent two fingers back to their maximum position, touching the back of my hand. Maybe that could have been what happened to you. I don't remember. Sounds awfully detailed, doesn't it, Matt? For something that might not have happened, that was the back of my hand. Maybe. That could have been what happened to you. I don't remember. Sounds awfully detailed, doesn't it, Matt?

It's probably so you could... That was a lot of detail. Yeah, we could have... We could have talked about this after. We were just wrapping up the podcast. We could have just ended it

and then had, like... Bubbles had to bring it up, didn't he? Well, I'm sorry, Ricky. It's all right. Sorry, Lucy, for...

Well, no, I'm not sorry. Sorry to Mo for telling everybody that he broke my fingers. When he didn't. Blaming it on his grandson. Okay, let's have a cheers here, boys. Thanks. Matt Anderson. This is Matt for coming in. Good luck with the tour, brother. Like a little private concert. That was wicked. And I just want to make one little announcement on the way out of the podcast.

This whole thing, Julian, done! What do you mean? It's done. What do you mean it's done? Hey, Bubbs, I'll cheers to that. No more chicasa? Done. Nope.

You tricked me today, made me look stupid, so guess what? That's done. And good night. We're gonna be fucking talking about this, man. There's a lot of fucking work in this shit. Fuck. That's so the fucked up. Who's trying to make money on this goddamn fucking thing?

I just fucking broke my lazy Doreen. Thank you.