Trailer Park Boys Presents: Park After Dark - Episode 4 - Three-Soft-Cock Dornichos

Episode Date: April 29, 2019

It's raining horsecocks outside, but it's cosy in the trailer as Ricky cooks up an awesome pepperoni treat! The Boys also discuss eye bees, how not to f**k up a microwave oven, and more amazing facts about Canada... or not!

Ricky. Hmm. Ricky. What? Get up, bud. I got your mic on you already. What? I put your mic on already.

Time to go. The boys are on their way. Fuck. No, man. No, man. Yeah, man. Fuck. Fucking fell back asleep. Ricky! Oh, fuck. What the fuck?

Oh. Ricky. What the fuck are you doing, man? Ricky, what happened? Why is your fridge open? I don't know, man. Why is the lamp in here? Well, they got a fucking lamp in your fridge, man.

What happened? I was trying to fucking make some dorm meat shows. Some what? Oh, fuck. Here, Bubs, don't step on the sauce. My head is fucking pounding. Ricky, the oven's on. Jesus Murphy.

How long have you been on the floor? I don't know, man. I tried to out-wheat the dark and the dark won't. Ricky, this is how people fucking burn their trailers down and kill themselves by accident, Ricky. You don't put fucking lamps in the fridge, man. You don't pass out with the oven on, I keep telling you this.

How the fuck? He wired it up through the thing. It's not my fault. I'm not dealing with the sauce down there, man. What sauce? There's sauce under the door now. You got like sweet and sour sauce down there. Fuck, man, don't be making a fucking mess. I didn't make any of this fucking mess.

Here, get up. Fuck, I fucking mess. I didn't make any of this fucking mess. Here, get up. Fuck, I'm sore. I bet. What were you trying to make? Dormitios. Don't be fucking touching me, man, when I'm fucking passing, putting microphones and shit on me. You were talking to me the whole time.

Okay, get up. Jesus, man. Whoa. Why'd you, why are you so fucked? I just haven't really slept a whole lot. Were you filming that whole thing? A little bit, I was. God damn it. Here, have a seat, man.

Here. Sit the fuck down. Look, I brought you a can of beans. Red kidney beans on a high price. So I packed you up a can. There. Fuck. Kidney beans? You love kidney beans. When we make jelly.

What's up with the jelly that you like? Can't we just do this in a little bit? No, we gotta do it right now, man. I got shit to do today. My pants keep fucking blowing apart. Well, when's the last time you washed a fucking thing? They're probably rotten. Rotten right off your body.

Oh, God. Are you gonna make... He was gonna make Dormechos. What are fucking Dormechos? Dormechos. Ricky invented them.ormechos? Dormechos. Ricky invented them. Doritos, ground beef and cheese slices. Holy fuck, are they ever good. I guess we shouldn't waste them.

You can make them, Ricky. Dormechos. I don't have any ground beef, but I got meat. What kind of meat? Oh, fuck. See, that's why the lamp was in here, because my fucking fridge light's burnt out. I can't see anything.

Rick, you just changed the fucking light bulb. I know, but how do you do that? What the fuck is wrong with him? Uh, we got hot dogs. We have to cook the... Oh, fuck, here we go. What do you got? Pepperoni, baby. All right.

Four Micho's with pepperoni and Dorito chips. How much pepperoni's there? There's a lot. Don't need to use it all. Three cocks of pepperoni? Three cocks? Put all three cocks on it. Three soft cocks of pepperoni. I don't know if I can do this right now. You can do it.

Dig deep, man. Is that my liquor drink? It's time to get this going. Okay, perk after dark. You didn't give me a gift today. Yeah, I did. What was it? No, I didn't.

Fuck. You didn't? Well, let's see. Here, take this thing. What the fuck is that? Something you'd probably like. It's gorilla with its cock tied into a knot. That whole thing's his cock. Yeah, show it.

Show it to the camera. Look at that. Where in the fuck did you get that? Don't know, man. It was on my deck, actually. It's not really that big. I thought this was probably yours. It's on my deck. Why in the fuck would I have that? Don't know, man.

It's not mine. Okay, well, park after dark. The darkness has gone. I almost fucking stayed up for it, but I missed it. Give me a little snap. A little snap of pepperoni. What kind is it? Is it hot? This is hot.

Yes. That's the best pepperoni you'll ever eat right there. Hot Brothers Pepperoni. Yeah? Yeah. I'd rather have the pepperoni deep-fried, you know, dipping in honey mustard. That's the way to do it, man.

It's all right like that, but this is good just like this. Oh, yeah, he's making pepperoni fingers. Careful, Ricky, your knife is as dull as fuck. And that's how you cut yourself. People don't know that a dull knife is way more dangerous than a sharp knife. Cause it'll still slice you wide open. My finger's still fucked. I wonder if I'm gonna lose that fucking nail.

You're definitely losing that nail, man. What'd you do to your finger? I fucking broke it on the cruise ship, man. Wasted. Slammed a door on my fucking finger. Well, I didn't. The waves did. The waves did? Yeah. The door in my room just kept going...

The waves did. Yeah. The door to my room just kept going. And one time I was walking through and the cocksucker bit me. It closed on you. Doors don't bite, Ricky. Doors don't bite, Ricky. Okay, so what's happening, boys? I don't know, man.

We're still making up here. Park after dark, we're making that right now. We're making that right now. We're making Dormichos, which is Doritos with some meat and cheese. What the fuck is going on outside? Just started raining horse cocks. That sounds like a fucking, what do you call those things, a heracock sucker?

That is raining horse cocks out there. Jesus, Murphy, did you guys hear the thunder this morning? Thunder, hear the thunder. I don't even know what song you're singing, Ricky. Did you hear the thunder this morning? It's pretty crazy, man. Lightning and the thunder. Fucking loud, felt like the whole sky was gonna blow up. You know what, it was weird because the thunder kept fucking just going on and on. Felt like the whole sky was going to blow up.

You know what? It was weird because the thunder kept fucking just going on and on. It sounded like a goddamn jet plane. It just never ended. I was like, is that thunder? Maybe not. It just won't stop. Normally you hear a crack.

Not those big fucking one-minuters. Big, long one. And then there was some high-pitched stuff that didn't even sound like thunder. It sounded like a giant bird squawking or something. Yeah. Okay. All right, these are looking a lot better, man, with these little diced up pepperonis. Oh, these are the sock one for, Dormichos.

Nice. I may have made a little too much pepperoni, but oh well. I wish I had some nice fucking expensive cheese, but we don't. You know what, Ricky? One of these days I'm going to make you my salami tugboats. Oh, man, I remember those fucking things. Those are good. Salami tugboats, huh?

How come we only remember to make those when we're like super fucked up? I don't know. It just popped into my head. I haven't made salami tugboats in a long time. Maybe next fucking... You remind me, if you remind me, I'll make fucking salami tugboats. Next perk after dark. That's what we're doing.

You know what I just realized? What? Perk after dark. The initials are P-A-D. I bet you people are gonna start calling it that. The pad. Let's go watch the pad. Let's go watch the pad. The pad. Like, you know how all the cool bands shorten their names?

Mm-hmm. You know what I mean? Do you think it's better to cut these first or peel the plastic off them first? Peel the plastic off them first, Ricky. Peel the plastic, man. Then you gotta do fucking 16 peels. Whereas right now, you can just do one. What is a thunderclap? Whereas right now you can just do one. Lightning and thunder.

Lightning and thunder. Thunder. Thunder. What song are you singing? The soup dragons or whatever they are. Alright boys, check this poor little fucker out, man. Twelve year old boy goes viral for doing his homework under a streetlight because family can't afford electricity. How fucking depressing is that?

Jesus Murphy, man. If it's true, it's very depressing. This poor fucker. You'd never see Ricky doing something like this. Let me feel. I've done fucking homework under a streetlight when the power was shut off. No, you didn't, man. Well a street light when the power was shut off. No, you didn't, man. Well, yeah, when your power was shut off.

That fucking sucks, man. It's fucked. See, we're pretty lucky, boys. Ah, you son of a bastard. Fuck you, Knife. This guy right here, he wants to go to school so bad. Yeah. He's doing his homework under the street lights.

Just like me. You should fucking think about that, man. Ricky, you couldn't pay you to do fucking homework under the streetlights. Just like me. You should fucking think about that, man. Ricky, you couldn't pay you to do fucking homework under a streetlight. Or do homework. Correction, if you were to pay me, I would gladly try to do it. See, but this guy, he would love just to fucking.

I think that guy's great, I'm a big fan of him. He'd do anything to have a fucking trailer like this with the power turned on. Yeah, fucker is making these fucking things. See, I fucked up. I shouldn't have stuck those fucking things together. All right, so that was a happy story, I guess. Yeah, I've been trying to get some feel-good stories here, but there's nothing, man.

How in the fuck is that a feel-good story? This one's even worse, man. This fucking man this is gross they find four living bees in this woman's eye and feeding off her tears like how the what is wrong with you what are you talking about man try flipping your leg down and checking out what's irritating you. You know what I mean? Bees! Bees! Four of them. Like honeybees?

Like fucking bees! Bumblebees? Look at these fucking things. Look. For real, are you kidding me? That can't be real. You were dumb. If you don't know you got bees living in your eye, something's wrong with your fucking brain.

She's 20-something, going to university with bees in her fucking eyes. What website are you finding this on? That sounds like The Onion. No, that's not The Onion, man. This is the real shit. Yeah. Vodka in the morning makes you good. Vodka in the morning, doobly-doo.

That was a nice song, bubs. Man, we are going to fuck the shit out of these. What does that mean, Ricky? I meant we're going to fuck them up. Are you really, how baked are you right now? Whatever bakedness I am is leftover bakedness. You know what's so fucked up? For someone that wakes up on the ground with a lamp in his fridge, he's so fucking dainty making these sounds.

That's what I mean. Like, look, he's individually placing each... You have to take your time with the Dormitios. You got to make sure every chip has its own little fucking family going there. Yeah, but how could you go from that, down on the ground with fucking shit all over the place, to this?

I had a full night's sleep. If a full night's sleep. If a full night's sleep means three hours. I don't understand you. Oh, Ricky, I see what you did. I fucked up. You put the three cheese slices on top of each other to cock them.

In the future, not a good move. No, you lay them, you know, lengthways to each other. Oh, don't worry, little buddy. I didn't forget about you. There you go. Oh, and you. Do you want to put those red kidney beans on there, Ricky? No, I don't think I do. You know what? I bet you there's some people out there watching this, like, thinking about it this way.

Here, Ricky. Bubs, do you think people are fucking getting grossed out watching you guys make these things without gloves on and shit? I've washed my hands. Listen. It's a fucking hurricane. Thunder.

And the lightning. I think you have to have one without the other, don't you? I love thunder. No, you gotta have thunder for lightning. You know who else loves thunder? What, man? Garth Brooks. And the thunder rolls.

You know who else loves thunder? Who? ACDC. Thunderstruck! Yeah. What came first, the thunders or the lightning? Well, lightning comes first.

That's what causes thunder. He said thunder causes lightning. No, it doesn't. No. Lightning causes thunder. And what came first then, the lightning or the chicken? Hmm.

Think about that one, Ricky. All right. Where are you, how are you doing this now, Ricky? I'm gonna broil these motherfuckers. Your oven's still on. Oh, it's still on. Dumbass. A broil?

Yeah. I bet that costs a few bucks. Fuck. Thought that you were to pay for it. These are $50 fucking dollar dormitios, which I'm charging to swearin' at. Okay. Good luck, little buddies.

We'll see you in a few minutes. He's talking to them. Talking to the fucking nachos. I'm coming around. I'm feeling about 64% right now. What is this cotton board? That's just an old... That's a cedar plank for cooking salmon, Ricky.

Or... That's fucking good pepperoni. Wow, man. Oh, God damn it. You know the German monks used to survive on rich beer called Doppel... Bock? Doppelganger? Doppelblock. Oh, goddammit. You know that German monks used to survive on rich beer called doppel... block? Doppelganger?

Doppelblock during Lent. They would just eat beer or drink beer. So this guy from Ohio said, you know what, I'm gonna fucking do the same thing for Lent. 46-day beer diet. That with some supplements, he's been living off beer. Could try it, I guess. You know how he felt after 46 fucking days?

Fucking drunk and terrible. No? Amazing. And he's 25 pounds lighter. And he feels fucking great. What the fuck? I'm telling you, man, there's something to fuck... It's actually good to drink through the whole day.

As long as you can keep it together. Well, beer has some good shit in it though. I don't know if that does. Oh yeah, it kinda does. Rum and coke. Let's see if you can survive for 46 days on just rum and coke. How you doing, little darlings?

Not very good. I'll do it. Come on. Heat up. Get hot. Make me happy. You didn't even use your new microwave. Ah, fuck! You're forgetting about that thing. You know what I did find out, though?

What? If you're gonna reheat some shit, reheat shit... Yeah? Don't forget to take the tin foil off. Holy fucking fireworks. Oh, you can't put tin foil in a microwave, Ricky. Why is that though? You can put it in an oven. What's the difference?

Because a micro- It's called a microwave oven. Yeah, but it's working with microwaves. There's waves of energy flowing through the air, bouncing off the tin foil. So that's what cooking your food is? It's got these waivers? Yes. There's no heat in the microwave.

Well, that can't be healthy. It doesn't generate heat. It generates heat inside the food using microwaves. How's that healthy? It's fine. They've been doing it since the 50s. I mean, maybe that's why everybody's got fucking cancer. Who knows? But it's all on the oppin' oppins, they say. Are they talking? I don't know.

Well, don't get... Oh, shit, I forgot I started doing this again. See, I was getting ready for the thing, then I said to the dark, hey, do you want to fucking see who can wait each other out? Dark won. But I did stare. He's talking to the dark. Who talks to the fucking dark?

I talk to Mother Nature, too. She's been a bit of a bitch this year. What do you got there? I did get some more facts on Canada, because you guys were liking the Canada facts. All right. Yes. This is a freaky one. Why?

Maybe this is what happens at that magnet hill. It says large parts of Canada have less gravity than the rest of the Earth. It was discovered in the 60s. I knew that. What's that all about? Can you float around? No, it's not quite floating around, but I guess it's pretty crazy. You can feel it.

You can be a better basketball player? The biggest place is up around Hudson's Bay area. Yeah. There's an area. Yeah. There's an area where gravity's only like one sixth of what it's supposed to be or something. No fuck about it. It's true, Google it. Say less gravity, Hudson's Bay.

Maybe that's where they shot the moon video, landed on the moon for the first time. No, they shot that on the moon. Some people say no. Oh shit. Oh, no, they shot that on the moon. Some people say no. Oh, shit. Oh, no, they look good. Looking good, ladies. I think you're right, bud. What's it say? Oh, I know

I'm right, because you know where we talked about it? Where? On the old podcast. I want to go there. Wow. I want to, too. Well, where is it? Let's fucking do this. So what does it say? You're fucking keeping secrets. Jesus Christ.

I'll be right with you with the answer. All right. Ugh, that is flat. Jesus Christ. What the fuck is this? S-T-H-E mystery surrounding Canada. With some conspiracy theorists even claiming the spot might be a portal into another dimension. Oh, fuck. Here we go.

Turn it off. Dude. Shut up. Right, that's what it was. They think a meteor fucking hit the thing and put a dent in the earth. Therefore... That makes sense.

I think we can go a little bit longer with these little... Oh no. They're starting to burn. Don't burn them, Ricky. Dormitros! You got some hot sauce? Dippin' sauce? Careful, these are... These are... What the fuck? Is there a fucking tractor going on behind my goddamn trailer?

Sounds like it. Fucking Randy. Fuck off, Randy! What's he doing? He's got a fucking goddamn... He's filling potholes. Front end... What's the thing with the backhoe and the bucket, I want to call it?

He's got one of those... Front end loader. No. Yeah, I don't know. Backhoe and the bucket. Backhoe Cole. He's got one of those. Front end loader. No. Yeah, I don't know. Backhoe and the bucket. It's got a, it's a. It's a backhoe. It's a double ender, they call it.

That's a dildo, isn't it? Still got your hot sauce, Ricky? I got hot sauce, man. I think, unless I eat it. Those are nice looking. Should turn this fucking thing off, give it a break. It's been on for four hours. More than that.

Sorry, bud. Didn't mean to leave you on. Fucking passed out. Are you talking to the oven, Ricky? You get lonely in here, bubs. I know. Yeah, he's talking to oven. The mystery surrounding a strange place on Earth

where gravity barely exists has finally been solved by a team of scientists. For more than 40 years, experts were baffled by an anti-gravity zone surrounding the Hudson... Fuck off with the loader! ...with some conspiracy theorists even claiming the spot might be a portal

into another dimension. Here we go again, man. The scientists conducting a global gravity field survey first noticed the strange... It's a portal into another dimension. There we go again, man. Scientists conducting a global gravity field survey first noticed the strange number in the 1960s. I got you. I might have to go fucking get Randy. I don't know what the fuck this is. It was a gift.

This? Oh, that's as hard as fuck. No, that's original. That's reggae fucking sauce. That's reggae barbecue sauce. Bob Mar original. That's reggae fucking sauce. Let me see that. That's reggae barbecue sauce. Bob Marley. That's Bob Marley sauce. I'm done with this shit, man. I got chocolate milk.

That probably wouldn't be very good. What about relish? No, Ricky, I don't want relish. Mustard? Ketchup? No, Ricky, the hot sauce is fine. All right. Just trying to make you happy, man.

You gotta... Here, you know what? Let's just put some right in a plastic cup. There's how we do that. That's gonna be... Oh, Rick, those look great. Oh, God. I think we should have put beans on them myself. We could put beans on half if you really want...

Beans? What about jalapenos, man? You got a steak knife? I can cut this. I can make a little Deppin' dish out of this if you've got a knife. Here, man. Look at that. It's dull as fuck, though, man. Oh.

Terry. First Dormitio. There, look, little Deppin' cop. Oh, yeah. Have a' Cop. Oh, yeah. Have a dormitio, Julian. Fucking great. Yeah, I'll get right to it. Oh, fuck!

Hey, man, don't waste the fucking... I didn't know it came out that fast. I thought it was like Frank's, where there's just a little hole and you gotta, you know. No, that's old mama. Man, this is fucking spicy. I don't know if you need any hot sauce. This is hot pepperoni, spicy Doritos. Oh, cheese slices. These are gonna be nice, Ricky. Look at that, Dormicho.

Dormicho. Dormichos. Nice, boys. Now they're hot We got some bite to them They're definitely hot How come they say they have some bite to them Or they have some kick to them

What's the difference Same thing Kick, bite Kick, same thing man Just violent Does something violent to you Catch your bite Oh, do they have some punch to them I've heard of that too It's a punch, it's the same thing It's got a zig-zag to it. Oh, do they have some punch to them?

I've heard that too. It's a punch. It's the same thing, yeah. It's got a bit of a zap to it or a zing. A zap? Yeah, a zap. It's got some hair pulled to it. You hear that sometimes.

Mm-hmm. Oh, yeah. So do we get the bottom of the gravity? Yeah. Okay. Is it true? Yeah, it's...? Yeah. Okay. Is it true? Yeah, it's... we figured it out. Is it a tourist attraction?

Can we go there and fucking bounce around? We can go there. You know who they should have just asked, or who we could ask? Who? Chris Hadfield. Chris Hadfield. He would know. He'd be able to tell you the fucking deal.

He knows everything about gravity. He knows everything there is to know about gravity. He's a smart guy, man, that fella. Alright, you know what? Here's something new. He'd have to be careful with who he marries. I'm gonna pick the human of the day, boys. I'm picking this guy.

This fucker right here. Human of the day? He is the human of the day in my books. What did he do? What's his good deal? Lost both his legs and he fucking went on to plant 17,000 trees and made a forest. Jesus, he is something else. That's the human of the fucking day, that guy. That's fucking impressive. He is something else.

It took him a long time, let me tell you. Hmm. Yeah, he didn't want a fucking time, let me tell you. Hmm. Yeah, he didn't want a fucking thing, just wanted to plant fucking trees, man. Why? Do you know? No, he'd get up at 5 o'clock every morning, put on some clothes, get his tools, get some tree saplings, and on his way he would go...

Put on some clothes, did you really need to say that? Well, yeah, that's why I'm reading it. And off he'd go with his crutches, man, that he made himself. Out to the fucking woods to keep going on with that forest. Still doing it. He built a forest. A forest, man. He used to be a soldier, now he's a forest maker.

This fucking guy. Who pays him to be a forest maker? Nobody. That's what I'm saying. Well, that's pretty awesome. If Chris Hadfield married a lady with the last name Flowers, and they just kept their names and hyphenated them... Yeah? His last name, or her last name, would be Julia Hadfield Flowers.

What? What the fuck are you, Julia? I'm just saying, he'd have to be careful who he marries if they're gonna keep the last names and hyphenate them. Ricky, there's no weed in these, is there? No, not these ones. Took me a second. What do you mean, not these ones. Took me a second. What do you mean, not these ones?

Did you put oil on the other ones? Because I feel like I'm starting to get baked. You know what? There could be a bit of weed butter. I remember melting weed butter last night. I can feel myself getting baked. That's great. Just let it run with you. Better go with it, man.

Ricky. Or if you're married, someone's lost a horse. Julia had field horse. See, that shouldn't be funny to me. Yeah, I'm not laughing at all. Why am I laughing? That Julia had field horse. Julia had field horse. Julia had field horse.

Oh, I guess I might as well just keep eating them now. Just go with it, man. Who gives a fuck? Her last name was Cox. I guess that's not that great. Julia had field Cox. Julia had field Cox. Like what? What the fuck is wrong with. Like, what?

What the fuck is wrong with your brain, man? Fuck. What if he married... If her last name was Finger, Julia Hadfield Finger. What did that fucking mean? I get it. What if he married Julia

I remember when I. Julia I remember when I. What? Julia I remember when I had field. And then it got turned into a parking lot. Plus man.

Keep eating those fucking things. I want to eat more of these. No, no, keep going. I like this guy. Don't make my brain explode. Ooh, baby. Americans invaded Canada twice. Yep.

1775 and 1812, and they lost both times. That's right. However, I think if they did it now, we would be fucked. We'd be totally fucked, man. The war would last about 20 minutes. It might be a little hard to defend at this point. Wrap it up? Fuck. Third largest oil reserves after Saudi Arabia and Venezuela, yeah?

All right, that's a lot of oil. We were the third country into space after the U.S. and the USSR. I didn't even know we went to space. What? I thought we just did with other people. Canada Space Agency, CSA. They said we're one of the best ones in the world in 1962. Oh, in 62.

Our money, Mexico's money, India's, Russia and Israel have braille like Americans for the blind. Braille. Braille. Braille. Little bumpy things. The little bumpy things. Tomato, tomato? No, it's not a tomato, tomato thing, man.

It's not a tomato thing. That's pretty awesome. Why does every fucking country have that? Well, most do now. This is fucked. Canada has fewer people than Tokyo's metropolitan area. And we're the second biggest country in the world. That's weird, man.

Yeah, man. That's a busy city. Say that again? We have less people than Tokyo's... Tokyo City's metropolitan area. Just downtown Tokyo has more people than Canada. That's fucked. Downtown Tokyo has more than 30 million people.

That's insane. That's a pretty crowded place, man. Jesus, that's crowded compared to here. We're driving you fucking nuts. Okay, we gotta go, I guess. I am officially too big to be here. All right, well, man. Jesus, that's crowded compared to here. We're driving you fucking nuts. Yeah, we gotta go, I guess. I am officially too big to be here. All right, well, we're done, so...

Dormichos, tried them. They're fucking awesome. Give them the recipe quick, Ricky, for dormichos. Just any kind of Doritos. Spicy ones are good. Pepperoni, this is where hot. And just some kind of cheese. Good cheese would probably be better, but all they have is cheese slices. Cut up a solo cup, dump some hot sauce in her. Yeah.

And you got yourself your Dormechos. Throw on some weed butter if you want. Me had butter. There you go. Me had Dormechos. Me fucked.