Trailer Park Boys Presents: Park After Dark - Episode 40 - Choco Bananee Salmoken

Episode Date: May 5, 2016

This week on the TPB podcast, Ricky experiments with fusion cuisine and comes up with an amazing new dish, and Julian reveals some awesome new TPB products! Also: Kevin Bacon's Bacon, pizza in a pizza, and Ricky's Christmas KFC quest! Episode 40 is brought to you by the Official Trailer Park Boys Store, and Liquormen's Ol' Dirty Canadian Whisky!  

Oh, fuck. I'm, I need this thing back. Why do you need that back? My lazy shoes, and I'm working on something. So how come I spent the whole night puking my guts out, and you not at all? This doesn't make any fucking sense to me. Well, I just have different, you know, different way of doing things. What the fuck are you guys talking about?

I'm just telling him I need my lazy Susan back. Oh, and he's displaying... Is that the fucking people giving you money this week? Well, yeah, they are the sponsor. Okay, Jakasa, their contract's up. I'm still talking to them. Great company. But right now, it's Lickerman's and Backstreetmerch.com.

They're also sponsoring this. Okay? Okay, so hang on. You're out making more fucking deals. I'm trying. Someone's got to fucking make the deals. And are we involved in this one? We might be.

I don't know yet. I've still got to talk to them about that. Well, you better get fucking talking to them, because... Let's just start, man. I didn't think I... I totally forgot this contract with Jucasa was up, but they are still talking to me. Well, you said if you made any more deals,

we were going to be part of it. Yeah, but first I got to talk to them. That's the way it goes in business. I talk to them, then I come back to you guys, the board of directors, you three, us three, and me. Don't try to sweet talk me and tell me I'm on some fucking fake board of directors. Well, you are. You already signed off on it. All right, are we going to get this going now or what?

Yes. So, okay, I missed a part of it there. I was just working on some things are we going to get this going now or what? Yes. So, okay, I missed a part of it there. I was just working on some things that are going to be important later. So, Lickerman's,

SwearNet.com, and what was the other one? The, uh, some store? Yeah, BackstreetMerch.com. You just got to click on the fucking banner,

you can buy merch. Like they're selling shit of us. They're selling shit of us. They're selling shit of us. Is there shit on there with me on it? Yes, it's part of the store. Well, doesn't that mean that I should get money from there? Well, yeah, eventually, if people are buying your shit,

I'm not sure. Is there stuff there with me on it? Yeah, I think there's a couple things there, yeah. Like what? Well, probably a shirt or something. I don't fucking know. So you put me on a T-shirt and didn't fucking include me in it? No, I didn't put you on the t-shirt. This company put you on the t-shirt. But you must have told them they could.

Well, yeah, you signed off on it. I threw the... I showed... You signed it, man. Like, fuck. Well, it sounds like you owe us some fucking money. No, they owe you money. I don't owe you fucking money. What else do they sell at the store? This is fucked. That little thing right there, that's... What is this?

Raking. Look at this, Ricky. There's a picture of a raccoon on there. That's what you call them, raking. That's what they are, isn't it? Yeah, they're raking. Cat things, but with a beaky nose. Yeah, that's Ricky's. What Ricky said. And you put it on a mug and you're selling it.

Yeah, well, the company's selling it. Well, that's... I mean, if they're gonna sell our shit, we should be able to pick some of our shit, like... Well, there's more shit. Yeah, maybe me and Ricky will go get our own sponsors. See, look, people like this shit. Yeah, maybe me and Rekki will go get our own sponsors. See, look, people like this shit. You know, little aprons. With, uh...

See, yeah, but that doesn't involve me. That's fine. I don't care about that shit. Did you ask Randy? He could do that. Fuck would I ask him? You know, okay. What are you gonna say about that? Huh? What is it? Julian's sports bar and gym. It's kind of cheesy. No, it's cool, man. This is very cool. This is cool shit.

So buy the shit, please. Well, maybe me and Ricky will go get our own spot. Did you ever think of that? Go for it. We could come up with our own shit to make, like a little miniature shitmobile or something. If you sell that. That's a good idea. That'd be decent.

You think they'd do that if they made a little, you know, die-cast thing of Ricky's car? That'd be amazing. That'd be cool. A little door that comes off. I'll talk to them. I'll set up a meeting with them. Get some pots and pans. Pots and pans.

Little tiny pots and pans you set on the hood and a little tiny clearance stick and you get the... Yeah, man. Maybe Ricky can like swing. Like there's a little action figure with the stick. They could sell clearance sticks. The other one's smoking the joint in the other hand. Well, I guess it's just a hockey stick.

All right, I'll work on that. But they could do lots of stuff. I mean, they could take different molds of parts of us and sell things made from those. Molds of us? Like what? Just different, you know, just... Like, buy Ricky's finger? Could be a finger, whatever people wanted, I guess. They should take a mold of your hand doing that. Yeah, that'd be cool.

And you can buy the anatomically correct Ricky hand. Yeah, that's a good idea. They could take some molds of your muscles and you could sell them muscle suits. Fuck off, Ricky. Now you're just being a dick. Oh, my God, I almost choked, Ricky. That's a great idea.

That's not a great idea. Julian muscle suits. You guys are fucked. But then, you know, we could get the glasses made, maybe. I think we should have a phone-in contest. If anybody wants to see the Julian muscle suit actually get made, let's start a petition. You don't, no, you're not gonna start. Boys, fuck off.

Start a petition on change.org. For people who don't have time to go to the gym and just look just like you. That's fine. I think you just wrote the tagline for the product too, Ricky. For people who don't have the time to look like Julian, but want to. You'll look like a dick, okay?

Just think about it. You'll totally look like a dick in this suit. It's going to be cheap as fuck. Look at the follow prior. Well, you might do a limited edition, like, you know, $1,500. Totally accurate, made out of, like, perfect latex. Just like the Darth Vader suits. Yeah.

There was, like, $5,000 suits you could buy back then. Remember that? I do remember that. Yeah. Wow. Ricky, if you were going to get your own sponsor, who would you get? That's a good question, bubs. Maybe, like, a tire company. That'd be cool.

So you could just do brake burns all fucking day and blow the tires right off the car and just change them. Freed fucking tires. That might be fun. So get a tire company. Oh, that would be good. Because you can't do enough brake burns these days. They're too fucking expensive. It's just not the same anymore.

Good old days, you could fucking do a brake burn a week, minimum. So you're going to promote the tire company by saying... You know what? That's actually a pretty good idea. I bet your tire company would give us free tires if we had... Just do a brake burn and melt them off. Yeah. You could have a thing on the side of your car. Today's brake burn brought to you by...

Eddie's Tires. Eddie's Tires. Eddie's Tires and Brakes. That'd be all right. Or what about wood? What about wood? Get sponsored by wood. How are you going to get the money from wood?

Do you mean a company called wood, or are you talking about wood? The wood, just go talk to the wood people. I don't know what the fuck it's called, but wood. Because you can burn wood, you can build all kinds of shit out about wood. The wood, just go talk to the wood people. I don't know what the fuck it's called, but wood. Because you can burn wood, you can build all kinds of shit out of wood. So just the company wood. Get a wood company. Get a wood company to sponsor you.

The fucking wood people. It could be the people that get the fucking wood in the first place, or the other wood people that, you know, take that wood and make it into... Like a lumber company. Yes. Right. There you go. Oh, fuck. See, I just gave Like a lumber company. Right. Remember that. There you go. Oh, fuck.

See, I just gave them a free one right there. All right. We'll try. Free fucking wood. It's kind of fucked, but it might work. Maybe I'll go talk to a cat food company. Free bacon. We should get a bacon company.

Free bacon would be nice, Ricky. We could just hold it up. Hey, there's the bacon we eat. Talk to Captain Bacon. Get nice, Ricky. We could just hold it up. Hey, there's the bacon we eat. Talk to Kevin Bacon. Get him on board. How come no bacon companies have hired Kevin Bacon yet? He's probably not. I bet you they approached him, man. He's just like, fuck that.

I'm a big fucking, I'm a TV star. I'm a movie star. I bet you if Oscar Mayer went to him and said, hey, Kevin Bacon, we want you to be the spokesperson for the new bacon line we have coming out. Kevin Bacon's bacon.

Boys, just imagine how much bullshit he went through growing up with the last name Bacon. We should call him and see if he wants to start a bacon company

and he can fucking sponsor us. Kevin Bacon's bacon. There's no way he's ever going to start a bacon company with us, man. He might. Why would he? Hey, Kevin Bacon, if you happen to be watching this,

we'd love to start a bacon company with you. Bacon's Bacon. See? That's how you make shit happen, Julian. Bacon's Bacon. Okay, do you know any pig farmers? That's the most important connection to this whole thing. We need to get the bacon. You don't get it from a pig farmer.

You call one of the big bacon, you know. They're not going to do it. I'm not going to start name dropping because you never know. All right, well, that would be good instead of this other horse shit. I mean, I guess these are pretty good, but... You want me to make you guys some food?

Who wrote all this stuff? What stuff? New sponsors? I didn't write this. What the fuck are you guys doing? Nothing. Nothing, Ricky. Just... What's happening over there, man? It's fucking weird, man. Nothing, Ricky. Just... Are you guys writing there, man? It's fucking weird. Nothing, Ricky. Just...

Are you guys writing songs about me? Or anything? Or messages? Do you want me to write a song about you, Ricky? How fast could you do it? Because we don't have a lot of time. I wish I had a guitar. What would you want the song to be about? Uh...

Like what style? Just how, you know, I'm starting to become a good cook. And... I've been higher. Ricky's been practicing cooking. I've been higher lately than never before. And he's smoking much more than he used to. See that? Yeah, it wasn't bad.

It was kind of lame. If I had my guitar here, I could start writing songs for you. How you feeling now? You had a rough weekend after the, uh... The meal? The Choco Bananizamican, is what I like to call it. The what? The Choco Bananizamican.

Is that the fucking thing we ate? Is that what you called it? That's what you called it. It was fucking pretty good. It didn't cook all the way through as good as it should have. Julian doesn't like raw ground meat. It wasn't raw, though. I don't like raw anything, man.

It was about medium, I would call it. In the middle. Ricky, when ground beef still has ice crystals on it, that is not considered medium. That's considered frozen. Ricky, when ground beef still has ice crystals on it? No, those weren't... That is not considered medium. That's considered frozen. The taste of freezer burn, man, from raw fucking ground beef. I thought it was pretty fucking good.

Oh, man. I threw up all fucking night, right until the next day, and I'm still not fucking... I thought it was like a frozen candy, like a popsicle or something you made. So I was chewing on the frozen meat. Well, at least I'm like a fucking food scientist, I guess. I'm doing experiments. Tell me what it's called again. The choco-banany-zamekin.

And basically, I got the idea from the turtle ducking or whatever the fuck they call it, where they stuff the duck into a... It's not a turtle ducking, right? What the turtle ducking? I thought they stuffed a turtle with a chicken and a fucking duck, isn't it? Stuffed a turtle? Ricky.

What the fuck is it? What? Ricky? Yes? All right. You thought it's a duck? I have no idea what you're even fucking saying here at all. What is this?

You know what a turducken is, right? It's a turkey duck. Okay. And a chicken. And a chicken put together. He thought it was a turtle. Oh, my fucking... He thought it was a turtle. Oh, my God, Ricky. He thought it was a fucking turtle?

That's what I thought. All right, I fucked up one animal. Ricky, it's a turkey. You can't stuff things into turtles and eat them. Well, I'll see if somebody should try that now. It might be fucking better than the turkey ducking. No, see, nobody out there listening to this, please do not go and try to catch a turtle and stuff something into it.

Leave the turtles alone. I did think it would have to be a good-sized turtle. So that thing we ate on the weekend. No, that was not a turtle duck. Basically with that, I made these little mini cheeseburgers. I put a slice of banana on each of those. Then I covered those in chocolate sauce. And then I stuffed those in between two fucking salmon steaks that were infused with maple syrup. And then I took that whole fucking lop of mess and shoved it into a fucking chicken a deep fryer.

I guess I should have cooked it for five minutes. It was fucking disgusting, man. The chocolate banana and these amikins. I actually drew a picture. That's what we ate? Yes, and it was, I thought, pretty good. See, you stir it. There was salmon in that fucking thing.

You put some banana on the cheeseburger, cover that with chocolate sauce, they go in between two salmon steaks and fruise with maple syrup, put it into a big chicken, deep fry the fucking thing. There it is. Chocolate banana and these amikins. Deep fry the fucking thing. There it is. Chocolate Bananis Amican. Anybody wants to make it.

I cooked mine for about 37 minutes. I would probably recommend 47, maybe. Or 90. Yeah. And the chocolate banana thing was kind of weird. I don't know if I'd do that next time. A cheeseburger dipped in fucking chocolate is disgusting, Ricky. But when you eat it all together, I thought, you know.

What's it called again? Choco-banani. Choco-banani's hammockin'. Well, I'll never eat at your place again. Never again, Ricky. Just so you know. What should we fucking... I don't know why I agreed to fucking take the first bite with a blindfold on. Try some ketchup-barbecued chips.

They're pretty good. Ketchup and barbecue. Ketchup-barbecued. I'm going to combine all kinds of things, boys. You're going to love it. Why are you on this stupid fucking mission? Because I want to come up with something great. Ketchup-barbecued?

Yep. Fucking delicious. That's actually a pretty good idea. Look, Julie. Yeah. See? If there's a fucking chip company out Look, Julie. I don't, yeah. Just... See? If there's a fucking chip company out there, they're gonna steal this idea, come up with the new fucking combos of chips.

Maybe they'll sponsor us, because I came up with it. Ketch-Arvick, you bring it out, fucking Frito people. See, now you're dropping some more names that maybe I could have... I almost did. No difference. You did. We could have lost a lot of money right there. They know that we want them. And speaking of food, I was reading this on your little fucking...

That the... This Vinny's Pizza place in New York came up with this pizza that comes in a box made out of pizza. Fucking good idea. What? Yeah. The box the pizza comes in is actually made out of pizza, so it's like a pizza on top, pizza on the bottom, box, and then a pizza right in between all that shit.

But does that big thing come in a box? Or the pizza is the box? Pizza is the box, which I don't know how the fuck they would deliver it. Yeah, they can't think about it, Ricky. They'd have to put that in their, you know, warming bag. Yeah. And the cheese on both sides is going to stick all over the fucking thing. So they'd probably have to put it in a box to deliver it, which sort of deflates the purpose.

Then you're just really ordering three fucking pizzas. They're tricking you into ordering three pizzas. You know what? That's probably what it is, because last year they came out with a pizza that was topped with smaller pieces of another pizza, which is kind of fucked. And then you're paying for both pizzas. Yeah, all right, so I guess that one's a little fucked.

It is. It is. I would like to try it, though. It's a fucking lot of pizza. If it's the right crust to cheese to sauce ratio. It's a weird little sound coming out of here. What was it sounding, Bubs? Sounded like there's a cracker or something in there. What? I don't know. Gotcha!

Bubs, fuck off. That was a fucking good one, Pups. That was great. Hey, Julian. Hey. Hey, we're going to light something up here. You got a match? No, I don't have a match.

I do. My arse in your face. Get it? I'm mad? Yeah, you get it, pops. I heard that back when I was fuckin' seven. The fuck are you doing? It's fuckin' making a lot of noise, huh? Just fucked over my binoculars.

Fuck's sakes. Ricky, those are my binoculars. Are you sure? Yes, those are mine. I've been looking for those. I was wondering where I got them. Yeah, out of my shed. You fucking broke them, too.

What are you looking at? Just looking. All right, man. I never noticed the cameras were there before. Sitting right there, I can see them. Here. You need... There's a camera fellow there. Look. Sitting right there, I can see them. Here. You need...

There's a camera fella there. I think, you know what, Buzz? You might need to fucking get bigger glasses. There's a camera fella right there. I didn't even notice him. Well, we can all see him. We always have. Buzz, can you see him right now?

I can see him, yeah, because I know where he's at now. We need some duct tape, because what we'll do is... We'll just fucking duct tape these right on there. Oh, you think so, do you, Ricky? Then you'll be able to see perfectly. Think so, do you? I'm going to walk. You think I'm walking around? That could change your life.

Fucking binoculars. Fucking duct tape to your face. Perfect vision. I would look kind of like a Navy SEAL. Well, she'd look like a dick. She would look kind of fucked, I guess. She'd look like a serious dick with those. I would look kind of like a Navy SEAL. Well, she'd look like a dick. She would look kind of fucked, I guess. She'd look like a serious dick with those... I wouldn't do that. I can see perfectly fine.

I just, you know, that enhances it, obviously. That's what they're made to do. But I don't, you know, I don't even really need glasses. All right, I got a little contest here for you guys. I don't know what the prize is gonna be. Maybe... All right, I know what it's gonna be. How about a very... No, that got a little contest here for you guys. I don't know what the prize is going to be. Maybe, all right, I don't know what it's going to be. How about a very, no, that's a weird one. I don't know why.

All right, listen up, boys. Don't just wait now. I don't know what it was. I was going to say a really long hug. What? What the fuck is he talking about? I don't know. Who does he want to get a very long hug to?

What the fuck is wrong with you, man? He's all fucked up. Oh, shit. You know what? I'll be kind of happy when the fucking 20 days of 420 ends, because I've been so fucked lately, I'm tired. When is the end of that, Ricky? Hopefully soon.

I think it's 20 days after 420, whatever that works out to. It's close. It's's close. It's getting close. They should have one of those calendars that has like 20 joints in it. You pop a little door open. I'm never doing the 20 days of 420 with you ever again, man. This is the last time.

That's a fucking great idea. Could we sell one of those? You know, like the thing you get at Christmas and each day you open a little window and a chocolate pops out? An abstinence calendar or whatever the fuck it's called. Do one for the four days of 420. You ain't got to join or a bud. See, now you're talking.

We could sell something like that. See, we do that. We do that with one of the big weed companies. Sell that, you know, at 420. That's a perfect idea. As a countdown to 420. Holy fuck. We've got to get on that today, boys. Then they'll20? That's a perfect idea. As a countdown to 420? Holy fuck, Ricky.

We gotta get on that today, boys. Then they'll fucking give us a sponsor, maybe. Brought to you by Bubbles and Ricky. Right on, bubs. And me, Julian. Well, we might be doing our own thing over here. And I'll deal with the contracts. Okay, you know what, you can deal with the contracts,

but just let me look them over before, you know, you start off on... No, this is our own thing. This is our own thing. That's right. And speaking of muscles... And we were. No, we weren't. We were a little while ago in your muscle suit. I wonder if that's made you. Did you hear about the dad that left his, uh,

left his baby in an unlocked car with the engine running while he went to the gym? It was pretty fucked up. See, people like that, that's... And the first thing I thought was, it wouldn't be Julian because he doesn't have a baby that he knows about. I wouldn't do that to you, you dumbass.

And he wouldn't be going to the gym because he doesn't need to. He's already perfect. Pops, fuck off. Pops. You're being a fucking dick, man. No, I'm not. Oh, yeah, you are.

I can still hear that. Ram it up your ass. Maybe something weird's about to happen to you. What do you mean? You might fucking spawn tra- tra- league of combust, or spawn, uh, Spawned... Tra... Tra... Combustor. Spawned... Tailate... You know what I mean?

Blow up. Catch on fire. Maybe. That would be fucking awesome if that happened right now. Who? He just all of a sudden caught on fire, man. Who, him? We'd have it on videotape. We could make a lot of money with this tape.

That would be a viral video. Then we would prove it was real. Let me tell you, that would be a viral video. I'm serious. You need to shut the fuck up. Rick.

What's that gonna do? Kicking it? It fucking tells it to shut up. And then it's like, okay, if I don't shut up, I'm gonna keep getting kicked, so maybe I better. And it actually worked. Well, of course it worked. Fucking appliances.

They'll fuck with you and act hard, but if you fuck with them back hard enough, they'll be like, alright, you're fucking gonna win, so I'm gonna back off. That's what they're saying. No, Ricky. Hang on now, you don't think that appliances think that when you kick them, do you? They have computers in them that do all the thinking for them, but yes. There's all kinds of sensors and shit we don't know about. But do you think it's consciously going, Oh, that son of a whore. He's gonna kick me, is he?

Like that type of thinking? Well, a fridge, for example, is making a noise. And then I went over and kicked it. So I had to fucking take all that information and go, fuck it. Easy. Like that type of thinking? Well, a fridge, for example, was making a noise. And then I went over and kicked it. So I had to fucking take all that information and go, fuck, what do we do here? And while it was doing it, it just kept running. So by the time I figured it out, I gave it a second and third kick. And then that right away, I was like, okay, it sensed danger.

And it said, fuck, shut her down, boys. So it's got sensors for that, huh? No, but he thinks that the sensors are thinking things. I know. Because he's fucked. Let's talk about something else then, guys. I'm not even going to try to explain. Let's listen to all the exciting, wonderful things that you guys have to say. No, I think this is fascinating, actually.

Well, thank you, Bubbles. You think appliances are... So you think, really, if that fridge had arms and legs, you think he could get up and walk around and... and think? If you gave it the option, maybe it would, yeah. Oh, my God. But that's why they probably don't put the fucking things on. Because we don't want a goddamn real Terminator on our hands.

Ricky, that is so fucked, man. I can't listen to any more of this shit. I can. No, I'm too fucked. You know what, now with cars, they're putting all this fucking crazy shit. So you think that fridge is just one degree away from becoming a Terminator? It's arms and legs and a few other things away, yes. I mean, fucking imagine that thing coming at you.

Yeah, serving you cold drinks. Open its door and fucking whack you as you're going by. All kinds of fucking sneak attack shit. Flood you're going by. All kinds of fucking sneak attack shit. Flood you with cold air. I mean, I don't even know what to say, man. Well, let's talk about something else then, guys. I'm too fucked up to be... I can't even process what you're saying.

You have to admit that these are fucking good drugs we're on these days, guys. Well, yeah, but I mean, you're talking about a fridge turning into a Terminator, and I'm actually envisioning the whole fucking thing. Yeah, I am too. No, but that's how it starts. What's going to take over the world is cars. Because they're putting too many fucking smart things in them now. The car's eventually going to say, okay, I've got so much smart shit in me now

that I don't have to listen to you anymore, fuckbrains. It won't even let you in. And it can move around. Once they start teaming up, they can fucking run you over. They're not gonna team up on you, man. Fucking big dump truck shows up your house and just takes the house down. We should write a movie.

That's what we should do. Curse. It's a curse to take over the world. Yeah, kind of like the Transformers, something like that kind of a deal. Except they don't transform. Maybe it's already been done. There's no way, man. to take over the world. Yeah, kind of like the Transformers and something like that kind of a deal. They don't transform. Maybe it's already been done.

There's no way, man. All right. I agree, the cars are fucked these days. They need to start. We need to have cars like, you know, back in the 80s. Those are the cars you can work on. That's true.

You know what I'm saying? All these fucking sensors and shit. Well, maybe there's something to what he's true. You know what I'm saying? On all these fucking sensors and shit. Well, maybe Ricky, maybe there's something to what he's saying. Maybe they are thinking a little too much. The sensors. See? I'm telling you boys, these drugs make you smarter. You're starting to freak me out now, Ricky. They just get me paranoid. That's what they do.

These drugs are making me smarter. I'm gonna keep my head on a swivel around those new fancy cars. I would. You don't have to worry about that. Holy fuck. Yeah, okay. What else were you twiddling there, Ricky? What does twiddle mean?

Like riding. Oh. Talk about the man that drove 870 miles to get KFC from Yellowknife. 870 miles? Yeah. From where to where? Somewhere in Yellowknife to get KFC for his fucking wedding anniversary, which is kind of romantic. I've done it before. Actually, I drove further than that.

When? I don't know. Was it ten years ago? Lucy wanted fucking chicken. Christmas Day. I had to go to four provinces before I fucking finally found one that was open. For some reason, most of KFC's close on Christmas Day. Like, I would say a lot of people would probably eat that on Christmas Day. Is that why you disappeared on Christmas Day that year?

Yep. You didn't get back until after Boxing Day, Ricky. No, it was a... yeah, I was gone two and a half days. But I fucking got the chicken, didn't I? I didn't know you were on a chicken run. 48 barrels. That's a lot of chicken. I remember wondering why the fuck did he buy so much? Had to get an extra deep freeze. Had chicken for fucking almost nine months. And it's in buckets, not barrels, Ricky. They're buckets of chicken. What did I say?

Barrels. No, you can get barrels now. At KFC. Yeah, I'm pretty sure. You can't buy a barrel at KFC. I'm pretty sure you can. Oh, man. The buckets are about that high.

It's got like 700. That would be fucking awesome. It's a 700-piece feast or something it's called. Oh, my fuck. high. It's got like 700. That would be fucking awesome. 700 piece feast or something it's called. Oh, my fuck. See, there's another great idea. They should be sponsoring us. A barrel of chicken. A barrel of chicken.

$279. Can you imagine what the chicken would look like at the bottom of the barrel? It'd be fucking... Crispy. You'd get extra crispy at the bottom. It'd be floating in grease, man. It'd be disgusting. You'd layer it with recycled pizza boxes.

That might work a little bit, but I don't know, man. A barrel of chicken would be awesome. How many pieces would it be? Oh, it would have to be. How many is in a bucket? There's what, like 20, 24? You can get a 20-piece bucket. Yep.

Stancer bucket. You can drive 20 into it. It would have to be... It would have to be... Oh, it's well over 1,000 pieces. Oh, man. It's well over 1,000 pieces. Pieces.

That would be fucking awesome. I bet you have to wait. You couldn't go through a drive-thru and pick up something like that, though. I wouldn't. If you were Fred Flintstone, you could. But when they set it on the car, you'd tip over.

Remember? Remember Fred Flintstone you could. But when they set it on the car, you tip over. Remember? Remember Fred Flintstone? He was fucked, wasn't he? He was fucked. Not as fucked as Bernie. Bernie was fucked. Little short Bernie with his big nose. Bernie kind of reminds me of Randy.

Think about it. Just a little, you know. Yeah, if you pulled Bernie's little, you know, jungle man top down to there, you had a big, you know, boy there like Randy. If you were forced to gunpoint and you had to tee off on Wilmer or Betty, which one would it be? Say that again, Ricky, into my goatee here?

Forced to gunpoint? Yeah, you had no choice. Like, you've got to fucking tee off on one of them, or we're shooting you. Go with gypsies. I mean, you can include... Between who? I was going to say between Betty and Wilma,

but you can include Fred and Bernie if you want, just to be fair to them. I was going to say, the gunpoint, you wouldn't need the gunpoint if it was Wilma or Betty. But fucking Fred and Bernie if you want, just to be fair. I was going to say, the gunpoint, you wouldn't need the gunpoint if it was Wilma or Betty. But fucking Fred and Bernie? I don't even want to think about that, Rick. Okay, I think maybe the first thing we should address is that they're cartoons here, boys. They're cartoons, so it couldn't even be done.

Okay, well, if you were a cartoon and you were forced to gunpoint and you had to fucking tee off one of them, who the fuck would it be? If you were a cartoon and you were forced at gunpoint and you had to fucking tee off one of them, who the fuck would it be? I can't even process what he's talking about. If we were cartoons. I know what you're saying. And you're watching it. And the cartoon characters had guns pointed at us and they're like, okay, who are you going to tee off on? Who would your character walk over to? All right, it's a weird question.

I'm sorry. It's just a weird thing. Do you guys have anything to talk about? Apparently we do. I don't really have much left. All right, yeah, I was going to have a little contest. Okay, if you have a pencil. I do.

You start drawing a line. Yeah. How far will that line go until it runs out? The winner gets a bottle of this. What? You have a pencil, draw on the line, okay? Yeah. How far until it runs out, the pencil?

Well, it depends on the fuckin' kind of pencil. Oh, for fuck's sakes, Bubbs, it's a pencil. It's just a normal fuckin' pencil. Yeah, but it depends if it's a... How hard are you pressing? How hard you're pressing, whether it's a 5H or a 2B. Is it from the dollar store? Is it a carpenter's pencil?

Never mind. Never mind. Two miles. No, not even close. Half a mile. I just want to know because you obviously try and trick us. I don't give a fuck anymore. I do not give a flying fuck anymore.

What's the stupid answer? I'm not telling it. Oh, my fuck.. I'm not trying to. I'm not trying to. I'm not trying to. I'm not trying to. I'm not trying to. I'm not trying to. I'm not trying to. I'm not trying to. I'm not trying to. I'm not trying to. I'm not trying to. I'm not trying to. I'm not trying to. I'm not trying to. I do not give a flying fuck anymore. What's the stupid answer? I'm not telling it. Oh, my fuck. What a waste this was. You want to fuck around? People are going to be pissed off that you didn't tell them the answer. Nope. Okay, I've got two things left.

Either we talk about female spiders and how they forced the male spiders to give them oral sex, or we talk about the 11-year-old in Alabama that shot the intruder and said he cried like a baby. You guys pick. Who cried? The intruder. I saw that on the news. Somebody broke in and a kid blasted him with like a 9mm or something.

Are you kidding me? And then when they interviewed the little fella after, he said he shot the robber and he cried like a baby. Where'd he shoot him? I think it was just in the leg. I think he fired 10 fucking shots. He must not have been a very good shot. He scared the shit out of everybody. Well, Ricky, he's how old?

11. Why would he be a good shot? Well, I think it's important to fucking get your kids comfortable with guns when they're young. Just for reasons like that, probably. Well, a fucking buddy would have got away with it if the little 11-year-old didn't have a little hand cannon and fucking start blasting him. I bet the guy won't go back there anytime soon, that's for sure. If he does, he'll probably have a gun too, which maybe that's a problem.

Then it'll be a shootout with an 11-year-old, man. No, an 11-year-old should not have a fucking gun. Okay, that's a problem. Then it'll be a shootout with an 11 year old, man. No, this... an 11 year old should not have a fucking gun. Okay, let's make it this rule. If an 11 year old's gonna have a gun, make sure he's a fucking good shot. If not, he shouldn't have a gun. Alright, that's better.

Because if he gets in a gun fight and he's not a good shot, he's probably gonna get fucking hurt. So he's gotta have a few hours at the shooting range or something at range. At least. Yeah, we're in the backyard. Yeah. All right, that's good. Thank you.

Oh, my God. Fucking coming up with ideas. We're making new laws and rules. This is great, boys. Is that all you got? That's it. And I'm not telling you the answer. Oh, fuck.

Are you serious? People are going to be fucking pissed about that, man. Well, you guys want to's it. And I'm not telling you the answer. Oh, fuck. Are you serious? People are gonna be fucking pissed about that, man. Well, you guys wanna be dicks, I'm done. Well, then I'm not talking about spiders. Yeah, you know what it is? It was a trick. He doesn't know the answer, because it can't be figured out. Oh, I don't know what the answer is. The answer can't be figured out.

I know what the answer is. The answer probably was, it depends. Depends on all the things we said. So we got the right answer. 31 miles, something like that. Okay. Those guys can suck it. Julian, you're not going to tell us.

I think we got the answer. We'll look it up on the Googler, Ricky. Look it up on the Googler. The Googler. I like the Googler. You ask it stuff and it tells you. Tells you things, yeah. It's fucking smart. Okay, Ricky, let's go, um, let's go do something.

Here. You gotta mention that. What the fuck? What are you? I can't read that. So you leave and then you just come back? Well, this is important. I can't read that.

Uh, Trae... Taylor Park Boys? Taylor Park Boys. Back... Backstreet Boys? No, Back... Backstreetmerch.com. We'll give you some shit like that, alright? Just remember that and buy some shit. Backstreet... This is another greasy deal you made with Backstreetmerch.com.

Oh, man, this is fucked. We gotta figure this out. I bet you he's getting all kinds of free stuff. I'm fucking pissed off. All right. I'm doing a fade-out, Ricky. Sorry about all that shit earlier. Ricky, I'm doing a fade-, Ricky. Sorry about all that shit earlier. Ricky, I'm doing a fade out.

Love you, girl. You can come back on now.