Trailer Park Boys Presents: Park After Dark - Episode 41 - The Randy Explosion

Episode Date: March 6, 2023

Randy smells like ass, but Julian's interested in doing some greasy business with him - how much can he charge for a Randy all-nighter? The Boys also reveal a vibin' cure for constipation, a Disney hack for the kiddies, and why women should throw away their make-up!

To watch the video version of Perk After Dark in my fucking trailer, go to SwearNet.com or download the SwearNet Trailer Park Boys app. You guys want me to do the intro today? Just, do you know how? Do something. Welcome to the Perk After Dark. You don't even know what camera to look at, do you? I don't.

There's a couple here. Split it up. All right. Welcome to the perk after dark. We are doing episode number 6,510, right? Do you know? Why the fuck can't Bubbles be here? Like, this doesn't make any sense.

What I understand is when Bubbles can't be here. Why the fuck does he call? Like, when did he say you got to come do this? He called me sense to me. What I understand is when Bubbles can't be here... Why the fuck did... Does he call... Like, when did he say, you gotta come do this? He called me five minutes ago and told me to come here. Five minutes ago. And I came.

I'm reliable. What the fuck is he doing? You know, you guys know I like doing this. I find it fun. It's exciting. Yeah, but the problem is we're here to try to teach people something. You know what I mean?

And you're dumb. I'm not. So what are you gonna teach people? I know some things. Okay. Go for it. All right. Well, you know what i mean and you're dumb i'm not what are you going to teach people i know some things okay go for it all right well you know when you get uh stuff stuck on the slide like if someone spills some tar or some candy or on the kids on the playground you know a good way to get it off how wd-40 oh you're watching fucking tikt aren't you? You spray that on and it comes off? No shit. I've known it for years.

I've known it for years. What else? Is there a rant? I can come up with a few more, but don't put me on the spot. It's too much pressure. You're going to make me sweat, Julian. Do you want me to sweat? No, because you fucking smell bad enough as it is, man.

I can just imagine when this starts getting sweaty. I've changed my underarm deodorant. I changed it. He smells like a... So you're wearing it now? Lighter fluid and fucking... Shit? Like perm or something, like perm rods.

You know when you go into a fucking salon or something, you got the smell of perm? You smell like that. Well, it's called the new... It's called Askeris. It's called fire is what it's called. It smells like fire. I know what a bonfire smells like.

You smell like ass and I don't know what the fuck else, man. Are you looking at porn? No, I'm not looking at porn. I'm just looking at this little fucking device that might go well if I can order this from China. I think we could sell a shit ton of them in jail. You better get the free shipping, Julian, or else it'll be too expensive. Okay, I'm just trying to see if I can get the shit here. What is it, man?

It's this thing you hook up to your phone. It's added right to your phone, but it's got a set of lips on it, and it fucking... You can be talking to a chick and it kisses you. You can kiss them. I saw a thing. It looked like it was a type of clam.

Suck face with a fucking clam. The clam was so big it looked like a penis. Look at that. Does it kiss anything else? Well, that's what I'm saying. I'm inquiring, but it's hard. There's a problem with, there's a language barrier because I'm dealing with these people in China.

It's a sex tool. And I'm saying, how deep does the mouth open? How deep can you go in? And they're like, they want to know why. And I said, well, people in North America have longer tongues. I don't want to say they want to put your dick in it.

You know what I mean? I don't think they want to get into that conversation with me. I'm guessing that's why that was invented, but maybe not. Well, I don't know. It just has a picture of the girl.

She's, you know, kissing it. And the other person on the other end is, I don't even understand the whole fucking thing. Can you eat two? Can you do it with one? I'm impressed with the French,

because the French invented the French kiss, Julian, so... What the f... Like, if this is a Chinese kiss, it might be a little different than the French. French, they like using their tongue. Yeah, I don't even know if this device has a fucking tongue, though. That's what I'm trying to figure out. Well, you should...

Do you know... Can you figure out how to speak Chinese for me and talk to them? Well, just go look at the... I don't think they have an app for that. Specifications. Go down and click on the specs. There's no fucking specs. It'll tell you how long it is and if it takes batteries.

How long the opener is. Yeah, but that's what I'm trying to... It has none of that. Type of friction. You know what? I don't give a fuck about this thing, boys. Let's stop talking about it because I'm not going to get it. It's not worth it.

Wait until it comes out here. You don't got to take it out on us. We're just trying to help you. Well, coming in and doing this and seeing your fucking head here, it's not making my day, Randy. You wrote some stuff down, did you, Ricky? A little bit of stuff, but it's not making my day, Randy. You wrote some stuff down, did you, Ricky? A little bit of stuff, but it's not... There's some stuff here you're gonna like a lot, actually. Good.

Don't smile at me, man. Please. You look kind of good. Did you trim your beard? No, shh. Don't be talking about my grooming, okay? Sometimes it comes down below your lip, but it looks like you did nice, straight. What kind of trimmer do you have? I've got a fucking barber's trimmer. Nice.

That's pretty cool. Look over at him, man. I'm on edibles. You're fucking free to say that. You need a little trim, bud. Do I? Yeah. Yours is looking a little...

I would use Julian's, but I don't know. You need a trim. Like, do something with that. You know what? I read a study that says that the appropriate amount of body hair shows that a man has lots of testosterone. So look at me. I have lots of testosterone, Julien.

You should see my scrotum. What kind of trim do you use? I just use a straight razor, like the three blades on there. But I always miss right in here, so I have to get in. Do you do any trimming down in the basement? I don't want to talk about that. That's private, but I do. And everyone should, but it's...

How many times... Okay, you got all this testosterone. How many times a week do you release ejaculants? Julian. Well, you want to get into this with me? People don't want to know that. How many times? At least once a day.

At least? At least. Okay, what if you're working and you're really busy? It doesn't take long, Julian. You should know that. You're looking at little fancy sex toys on your computer from China. No, I'm serious. It's like when you're out doing your thing at the drive-thru

and you're picking up your Johns or whoever... Why do they call them Johns? Does everyone name John? I don't fucking know. It's not my business, but how many customers can you take care of? He's probably not doing his thing. He's probably helping them release.

Okay, that's what I want to know. How many people want the fucking Randy explosion? That's what I'm trying to get to. Do people pay extra for that? That would be... I don't know. How many people want the fucking Randy explosion? That's what I'm trying to get to. Do people pay extra for that? That would be, I don't know, it's a weird... If you get your money out, I could probably assist you. Don't gross me the fuck out here, Randy. I'm just saying, I want to know,

because maybe I can help you out with this shit. What, to increase my vans per day? No, no, to increase the amount of customers you get. I do just fine in the customer department. Okay, but I'm just saying, when you're, like, helping out the other person, what makes more money? You getting your shit going or you getting their shit going? I'm assuming it would be the same as if you went and got a female to assist you. Brandy's probably going to assist them.

Am I right? If they want an overnight experience, it costs more because it's an overnight and there's cuddling. All right, I heard in places like Las Vegas, you're paying like 10 grand for an overnighter. How much do you... 10 grand?

10 grand. Jesus Christ. All day, everything, sleepover, wake up, have breakfast, wham bam. Must be hell of a fucking... I don't do. Date, everything, sleep over, wake up, have breakfast, wham bam. I don't do too many 10 grand. You've never done a 10 grander, man. How much do you cost for an overnight? I just want to know.

I have a high end. High end. Okay, how much? Is it over 100 bucks? How much I make is none of your concern. I know that you always money, money, money, and you're thinking about things, but for me, this long is uncomfortable. So you won't tell me how much you charge

for an overnight session? You know what? You're going to make me rethink my structure. Which might help you. It might actually help me. So right now... I'm going to say thanks, because I will review. But you have to keep in line with the market.

All right, I'm saying, what might be fair, Randy? 500 bucks. Anywhere near that? Burn all nighter? Yeah, that's probably about what I charge. Jeez, that's pretty good. So you're not a bottom of the barrel escort? No.

Middle of the road. Well, compared to 10,000. You could have a makeover, though, and you might be able to be a high-end escort. That's what I'm saying, man. A middle-class escort. Randy, all I'm talking about change your diet okay make things a little bit more flavorful maybe i don't know uh maybe get on a treadmill cardio what's flavorful well you know just liquids and shit fluids are you talking about pineapple juice well yeah i think that's one of them

but there's other ones out there now i meanwise, you keep her going for a longer time. Time is money. You make more the more, you know what I'm saying? Julian, I try. I could help you out, man. A customer base that is like, they like a little bit of meat on a guy, okay? No, I'm not saying lose weight. I'm saying be able to pound for a longer fucking duration.

Oh, I can pound. Don't you worry. Haven't you ever seen me run? I can run. Okay. I can show you a good pounding, Julian. Sounds like he's very curious. If you want, you know what?

I'll show you right now. Don't ever, don't talk to me like that ever again, please. Oh, you're asking me about the pound? I'm just saying I could help you out. I could take a little bit of money and make a world of difference, man. Well, I really appreciate that, actually. I respect your advice, Julian.

Thanks. All right, what were you saying, Ricky? You seem to be really caught up on his level of pounding. Because it's, you know how chipmunks and shit store their nuts for the winter? And they can't find them after. Exactly. They should have them now. I'm having a hard time fucking making money right now,

to be honest with you, man, and I'm willing to do shit that I don't usually do. I can teach you how to be a man, whore. I'm going to help them out. I'm not going to do anything for them. I'm going to teach... No, I don't want to be a man, whore, Randy. People will pay the 500 for you, Julian.

No, I'm saying I don't want to be a fucking prostitute, Randy. I'm just saying I will help you out with your career. You two as a duo could be... No, man. No, no, no, no. You can get... I can manage both of you. On OnlyFans or Fan Onlys?

Yeah. I would never become a fucking prostitute. You're not allowed to work my drive-thru, though. You gotta find your own. You would not see me hanging out at a fucking drive-thru trying to be a man for. You gonna make a webpage? No, I'm not. It's not drive-thru trying to be a man for. Are you going to make a webpage? No, I'm not.

It's not happening. I'm not going to be a prostitute. I would never do that. I think you'd look good in a teddy. You'd look really nice. In a teddy, Randy? Would you? No, man.

Parliament Hill? Parliament Hill? That's in Ottawa, man. People have big money in Ottawa. It's the capital. Is prostitution fucking even happening in Ottawa? It's gotta be. What in the fuck is that noise?

Jesus Christ. People making noise over there. What is that, Randy? I don't know. I got different things happening on different schedules. Recycle day or something, I think. I was reading this thing about this wedding last week. And the groom apparently shamed the maid of honour

because she wasn't wearing makeup. He said it was bullshit that he was trying to outdo his fucking bride. Major fight, and I guess the wife's like, fuck you, and now the marriage is over, and she's living with the maid of honour that wasn't wearing the makeup. She's living with the maid of hon...

Why has she changed sides? Well, she fucking said he was being a dicksie and you're not wearing makeup. That's fucking disgraceful. At my wedding? Fuck you. He's being kind of a bully.

And the bride backed her up and now she's living with her. They broke up with the fucking groom. And she became a lesbian, like, just like that. They said they were fucking doing shit together. Oh, I thought you said

she made off with the bridesmaid. She's living with her. We could turn the fucking groom, broke up with her. There's no funky, silky business going on. There could very well be, but that wasn't in the article. Is the bride doing her makeup now? Is that it? The fucking bridesmaid said she hates misogynistic beauty industry.

She said it's bullshit, so she doesn't wear fucking makeup. Didn't know why she had to be forced to wear makeup at the goddamn best friend's wedding. Was she hot? Like, naturally hot? Huh? No pictures. I have no idea.

Is that worth? Nah, I'm not looking that up, man. I don't give a fuck. That's a good story, though. Do you think she had to wear makeup if it was your bride's wedding? Why the fuck did she have to wear makeup? A woman doesn't have to do anything she doesn't want to do, number one.

I agree. But I mean, if it's a wedding and she's... I don't know, man. Maybe some lip balm if her lips were dry. Makeup. That's not... No, okay. She wanted to go au naturel.

Or does that mean naked? I forget. Well, I don't know. Maybe... I don't know. It's hard to tell because sometimes when people get tired, stressed out, she'd get huge bags. I mean, maybe Buddy was just like saying, -"Hon, a bit of makeup..." -"You look like shit at my wedding." -"You're gonna fuck up the pictures." -"You look a little fucking run down. Maybe a bit of makeup to spruce it up?

Maybe. I don't know. They could have doctored the pictures in fucking photocop, though, couldn't they? That's, no, I don't know, man. Probably. Was the stag out the night before? Because maybe... I don't know. I think the groom was being a little bit ridiculous,

and I would have dumped his ass, too. See, you've seen transformations where people, like an old lady, all of a sudden they start throwing the makeup on, and she looks like she's like fucking 22. Yeah, you've been sucked into that trap a couple times. Big time, man. All of us have. Especially when it's at a dark place, you're meeting people.

But that's all I'm saying. Maybe she, I don't know. Maybe he was just like, come on, honey. Throw some makeup on for once. You look like shit. Throw some fucking makeup on. You fucking look haggard right now. All right. You know what? Again,

it's their problem, and I'm also, women can be au naturel. I'd rather au naturel myself than makeup. I don't like the makeup. There's no surprises the next morning. Plus, maybe, buddy, I don't know. Makeup is a bit fucked up.

I think most women wear makeup for other women because men don't even notice that shit. Yeah, they 100% wear it for other women. Those fucking stupid things they wear on their eyes. Fucking eyelashes. Spiders. They look fucking ridiculous. What the hell is that?

Where the fuck did that come from? And fingernails. They think that looks good? They definitely do their nails for other women because I don't look at women's nails. Guys don't give a fuck about nails

or those stupid spiders on your eyes. I like pink nails. I don't care if you have hangnails, nothing. I don't give a shit. Women are a little odd that way. They're so concerned

about what other women think about. The toes, the toenails. Who gives a fuck about toenails? Other women. I get it. It's weird.

They might be covering up some fungus. But you know what you could also say they could say the same thing about guys women don't give a fuck about muscles and shit guys like to work out and they probably other guys in the gym say oh look at the fucking not that i do that i don't i don't give a fuck i head down you look in the mirrors of the guys no man do my own thing, man. Don't even talk to me when I'm doing it.

You're going to fucking like this one, Randy. Am I? Yeah. This 36-year-old dad in the UK celebrated his 36th birthday by ordering a Whopper with 35 extra patties. 36 patties total for his 36th birthday.

Motherfucker didn't need it, did he? He tried. How thick would that be? It cost him 54 pounds, which is what, about 70 Canadian? I think it's like 100. 6,000 calories. With it, he ordered a Diet Coke. A Diet Coke.

I'm not sure why. Of course he did. At that point, you're going to fuck. All right, there's this story. What does it do to you? Soft or hard? I like the idea, but it really screws up the meat to bun ratio. He's horny about shit.

Oh, right now? Is this a soft story or a hard story? He's probably in pain from the hardness. The story about someone getting burgers doesn't not create an erection in the Julian. He's what? He was only able to eat 12 patties. He's what? He was only able to eat 12 patties and gave the rest away.

Well, if you think about it, a patty's this bad. It was about this fucking big. It was cool. Yeah. He said it felt like he was at the gym and it was so heavy.

I don't know how many. The patties would be higher than this. It was. It was about this fucking tall. So you can't bite that. It's a waste of patties. You'd have to go in and add it.

You'd have to put it sideways. You'd have to sideways and just eat it like a corn on the cob. Yeah. Corn on the cob. I think you should do that for your next birthday. The Canadian Whopper. How much do 36 burgers cost? 36 burger patty burger. If you got the coupons.

I didn't know you could get an extra patty. Some coupons help you. But yeah, you can get extra everything. I like his thinking, though. It's original. Okay, you know what? Maybe for your birthday, we'll come up with some money and get you a 36 patty burger.

I need more than 36. Okay, whatever the fuck we need. We'll get it. But this is the thing. We're going to get a crowd of people watching you, charge a bit of admission. People will pay to fucking see that, I think. My question is, is the patty more expensive

than just getting an extra Whopper? Patty's less. No, it's always, yeah. You know this, man. Come on. No, bro. I don't normally order extra patties. I just get an extra full burger.

That's what I was wondering. At a Burger King can, can you just go get, can I go get a Whopper with an extra patty? You can. You can anywhere, man. Fuck. I'm going to try it, Julian. So you're going to be like,

can I have a double fucking Whopper with 34 extra patties? Fuck. Or 50. I would never have thought of that. Yeah, man. They got extra patty buttons. It looked fucked. It was this big.

I'd like to see that. And sticking with Burger King this is in Manitoba they opened up a new Burger King at this town in Manitoba the traffic was fucked this woman she couldn't deal with it

she called 911 complaining about the traffic and the RCMP are like you can't call fucking 911 over traffic at Burger King. Like, it's for emergencies. That is fucked. Was she on crack?

No. She thought she was totally justified. She's like, this is unacceptable, all this traffic at the Burger King. I've got to call the police. They could maybe put in a traffic light or something, maybe. Like, to help. Well, it was just a grand opening. It was busy. It wasn to help. Well, it was just like a grand open.

It was busy. It wasn't like fucking people's lives were in danger because of it. Like, people are fucked in the head. That fucking Popeye's restaurant opened here, the first one in Atlantic Canada, and they had... I was fucked. For weeks, they had a fucking...

Two and a half hour a week. Longer. Really? You know what? I went there the other day. It's not even great. And it sucked. I'm not a fucking big fan of Popeye's chicken.

I almost hurled my fucking guts out. Popeye, you've got shitty fucking chicken sandwiches. It's not great. Compared to like Mary Brown's and shit? No. Yeah, go fuck yourself, Popeye. People that have eaten Popeye's and think it's good have never tried real good chicken. Do they have anything to do with spinach at Popeye's chicken?

Because Popeye eats spinach, right? Isn't it? I am what I am. That's a different Popeye. That's a different Popeye, you stupid cunt. I thought there was only one Popeye. There's a Popeye restaurant. There's a Popeye fucking Popeye the sailor man.

You fucking idiot. What was his girlfriend's name? Olive oil. I do like olive oil. It's good for you. Spinach and olive oil together is not bad. Yeah. A little salad.

You know what, boys? Maybe they should have a spinach on the menu and they could do a combo. Right? All right. We all know that you have them. You could have a kid named Balsamic. You have problems with your shitter sometimes, right?

All the time. Yeah, guess what? You're in luck, bud. They got a new pill for fucking constipation it's a pill you swallow it fucking vibrates goes into your intestines makes it fucking feel like i gotta go you go no way i'm in 20 packs down the toilet you don't gotta fish after so it's a vibrator it's a vibrator but it's a vibrator, but it's in a pill. And there's a battery in it, obviously?

There's some kind of a fucking something in there. And do you shit that out? Right on, man. Down the toilet. What if it got caught in there? You'd probably plunge it. Probably. There's your prostate down there, isn't it?

Intestine. You're the one that sticks vibrating things in you, and I have no idea, man. Intestinal vibrator. That's pretty neat. Is that from Jonathan? But when you, and I have no idea, man. Intestinal vibrator. That's pretty neat. Is that from Jonathan? But when you are using an ass herky, does it make you feel like you gotta go?

That's what I'm saying, because this is the same kind of thing. I don't usually use vibration. I just like the thickness. The thickness? The thickness of what? Well, just the spread feeling. It's nice.

Jeez. You're asking, Julian. I'm confused. I can show you the difference if you want. I'm talking about science. I'm not talking about you putting thick things down. I'll put that in your rectum and see how it feels. No, you swallow this.

You swallow it. It's a pill. Well, I'll put it in your rectum and then swallow it, I guess. If you want. Or you could just jam all 20 of them up your rectum. Sounds like something you'd want to do, Randy. 20 of them? I don't know.

That'll make you go. Now. Fuck. Sometimes. Well, I'm not going to talk about that. You know what? We're going to force Bubbles to watch what we had to go through today. He's going to watch every fucking second of this show.

See what we got to do. Maybe if he does, maybe he won't ask you to come back. Exactly. It wouldn't be a bad thing. Jesus. Did you hear about the parents? They were, their kid was like 37 inches. He needed to be 38 inches in Disneyland to get on some of the rides.

So this is pretty smart. They glued a one inch flip flop to the bottom of the kid's shoes. So he could get on the rides. That is incredibly smart. Well, is it, though? It is. Like, they have the height restrictions, probably for a fucking great reason.

That's better. I was thinking throw some heels on the dude. But, yeah, platform fucking flip-flops, that's one to get away with. They should have a dude that sells them, like, when you walk into the place. You're right, bud. It's like a...

Not tall enough to get on a ride? Flip flops scalper. You got a different... You got like six-inch ones you can throw on. Right. Six-inch flip flops. Six-inch flip flops would be noticeable, I would say. Say, fuck you, man.

They're Kanye West fucking Yeezys or whatever. That'd be a good idea. You should... There is a business idea for you, Julian. Well, I don't live in Florida, so fuck off. Anyway, people were fucking not happy. They thought they were shitty parents because they were putting their kid in danger.

Fuck off. How did they get caught? Because they posted on TikTok, as you would. It's called the fucking Disney hack. Ah, gotcha. You know what? I'm all for it. Fuck it.

It's all an insurance thing, man. Fuck it. They're not going to, they're all right. As a kid, I'm all for it. Fuck it. It's all an insurance thing, man. Fuck it. They're all right. As a kid, I'm all for it, too. Because, I mean, if you go there and you're 37 inches, you'd be bawling your fucking head off saying, this is shitty. I came to Disneyland, spent all this fucking money,

let me on the cock-sucking ride. But as a parent, it's, I don't know. It toughens them up. Think about, what do you mean? If you get one of the harnesses on a roller coaster and you fucking slide right out of it? You're too short. You have fucking mowing the front seat of your car with no door.

I'm just playing. In a homemade baby's fucking chair. That's way crazier than any ride at Disneyland. I'm not exactly responsible because I think kids should have fun, but I just I don't know. I'm on the fence. Well, I'd rather have fun in a fucking park than you flying around in your car, man.

You should get a door on that. You should have six-inch flip-flops and fucking extra tall hats. Totally. Just go to the dump and get a door for your car. You can find one somewhere. You could add a fake skull. Make your skull a little bit higher. Add some fake hair on top of that.

I heard that that is a plastic surgery thing where people are getting their legs made longer. Like kids? No, just adults. So that would be the Disney hack. Makes your legs longer. Yeah. It'd be expensive, I would think. Yeah, well.

A lot more expensive than a fucking pair of flip-flops. Yeah, man. I got to use like a fucking rod. It would hurt, too. Throw it in there, cut your leg, bone, fucking head, some shit. What about if you're still growing? It's going to fuck with that, bro. It might mess with it.

Yeah. I guess for the super rich, they could do that. I don't understand why you have to be, like, a certain height to go on a water slide. Like, why? There's got to be a fucking reason for it. Why, though? That's my point. Maybe you just go down the water slide and you shoot right off because you don't fucking weigh enough.

They don't want to scare the fuck out of the kid. I guess maybe that's it. But, I mean, there's shorter people, man. That's the thing. There's grown adults. What if you're a kid that's fucking five, and you're six feet tall? Is there six feet tall?

Kids? I'm sure there must be somewhere. What kind of a question is that, Randy? When you're five years old? How fucking tall are you when you're five? That's what Ricky said. Okay, all right. I was gonna say, there is kids that are six feet tall, man, like in high school and shit.

Well, they're... Elementary school. Youth. I said it's the youth. Youth. It's the youth. Vibrating intestinal pills. Interesting, Julian. Very interesting.

Probably cheaper than that. Oh my fuck, we were just talking about Popeyes, and I have a thing about Popeyes. All right, what is it? This woman crashed right through a Popeyes because the order was missing her biscuits. Georgia. Crazy motherfucker.

I do like biscuits. Biscuits with molasses. Okay, so if you go to a Popeyes, and they fucking forget your biscuits, are you just gonna crash into them? from Georgia. Crazy motherfuckers. I do like biscuits. Biscuits with molasses. Okay, so if you go to a Popeyes and they fucking forget your biscuits, are you just going to crash through the fucking door with your car? No. You know what it is?

Georgian heat. Is that what it is? It can fucking make you go crazy, man. You're just in a bad mood and that heat gets you. Forget my biscuits, will you, motherfuckers? I would ask for extra. Right into the goddamn Popeyes, because she probably didn't have air conditioning,

I bet her. It didn't work. That's a good theory. When I was down there, the Georgian heat made me want to do some bad things, man. Have you ever dipped a biscuit in molasses, Julian? No, but I want to dip your fucking face into a toilet right now. Molasses is high in iron. Very good for you.

I remember my grandmother used to make homemade bread and you'd get it out of the oven with some fresh butter and molasses. Oh, fuck. That was the fuck one for. Blackstrap molasses, Julian. You should get some in there. Blackstrap? What the fuck is blackstrap? It's the type of molasses.

I thought it was Crosby's or something. No, that's the company. This is the other strap. Not her blackstrap. It's the type of molasses. I thought it was Crosby's or something. No, that's the company. This is the other strap. Not her black strap. Sounds like something you'd beat your kid with. It's the procedure they make it. Molasses, I think it's got brown sugar or something in it.

Good. It does have brown sugar in it. Yeah, man. Yeah, good for you. So she crashed through the fucking thing. She's like, I think I might have fucked up when she came in. So she took off and went home. Just parked a car in the driveway. And the cops went, this car is fucked.

And they're like, you're fucking going to jail, dummy. Did she go to jail? Yes. Did she tell them they didn't give her the biscuits, though? I don't think they gave a fuck. Like, it's not really justified, is it? No, man. She almost killed a fucking kid that was working there.

She should have just went in and asked for extra biscuits. That's what she should have done. She did. They actually fixed her order, and she said, I'm still coming back, motherfuckers. Really? Oh, yeah. Did they call her a cunt or something?

We can call them and ask. Yeah, maybe they did. So maybe it is their fault. There was an exchange of words that definitely happened. And she got back in the game. So she's like, what? I'm a cunt, am I? Missing biscuits, and they called her a cunt.

Yeah. They left that one out. Probably later on. I would drive into the building if they did that. And does the insurance company fix your car? No, man. No, she got charged. She's fucked.

I guess. Maybe the manager was her husband, and he was cheating on her. Could be. You're really, really complicated. Yeah, man. You watch too many soap operas. That's your problem, Randy. This is one of us.

This is something we all need to be aware of. This can happen. This convict in Australia, he was in jail for drugs, which we can all sort of relate to a little bit. Yeah. He left the jail and decided he was going to get into the porn industry and fractured his penis. What?

I've heard rumors about this shit, but I didn't know if it was a real thing. You can't fracture that, a penis, though, man. Yes, you can. It was bad. How? He was having sex, like like just giving her yeah and the thing slipped out and then was not lined up properly and he fucking hit something hard surface maybe like an ass bone or something was he fucking by a car concrete wall he was fucking

hard like really hard like pounding hard she's fractured his penis so he bent his penis fractured he's like okay something's not right here he thought he was okay but then he looked and hurt. Jeez. Fractured his penis. So he bent his penis. Fractured it. He's like, okay, something's not right here. He thought he was okay, but then he looked in the mirror a few hours later

and the whole fucking penis was black. Oh, man. So he had to have fucking surgery and they had to give him pills so he couldn't get hurt for two weeks

because they said if he got hurt it would fuck up the surgery. That shit gets hurt in your sleep when you don't even want to get hurt. You get piss boners

and all of it, yeah. So, yeah. That made me sneeze. So he could, she, okay. So he could have been bagging somebody, girl or a guy, we don't know. Do we? No, didn't say that.

Okay, so he, on a brick, like a brick bench or something. A brick bench? Or a cement bench, you know, like a wall or something. Why was it cement? Because he's got to hit something hard, man. I think he hit the person hard. Oh. It must have been a bone.

Jesus. If you've got your legs hocked up, it's probably a pretty, you know, that's a hard area. Well, I'm thinking if he was standing, hit, and then all of a sudden, bang! It could have been. He hit that. Even that. It could have been a cement bench. Do that. Hit that. It could have been a table. It might have been. It would hurt. It could have been. Don't hit it. It's on OnlyF been a cement bench. Do that. Hit that. It could have been a table. It might have been. It would hurt. It would hurt.

Don't hit it. It's on OnlyFans. You can probably see the video if you want to look it up. No, I don't want to. Yeah, maybe. We'll see. For what? Man, I can't imagine.

He's on the fucking OnlyFans. Fans only. I don't know. So, like, what, did they put a cast on it? Like, how did they fix that? Don't get that surgery and just knock it out. No bone surgery. Knock his cock out, man,

with some drugs. Comatose it. Did he orgasm? I doubt it. So the moral is is don't fracture your penis or you won't orgasm. That's the moral.

Could have did more damage to it. If you want to take a piss and your penis is black, you probably fractured it. Go to the doctor. And it's a workplace injury if it's you. Yeah, but I don't get any type of compensation. This is kind of funny.

There's a pizza place in Ohio. They put up a sign that needed new employees. It said, now hiring non-stupid people. I can get a job there. I'm not stupid. I'm really stupid. Some people were pissed off, said it was offensive. Oh, whatever. Just fuck off. Okay, we got to go. No, I'm not stupid. I'm really very stupid. Some people were pissed off, said it was offensive. Ah, whatever. Just fuck off.

Okay, we gotta go. Nah, I'm not cheersing you. All right, see you later. Thanks for joining us. Hopefully Randy won't be with us again. That was a forced cheers. Get that fucking thing out of my face. This was fun. All right, time for you to leave.

To watch the video version of Park After Dark in my fucking trailer, go to SwearNet.com or download the SwearNet Trailer Park Boys app. Fuck off.