Trailer Park Boys Presents: Park After Dark - Episode 43 - Green Eggs And Ham

Episode Date: March 20, 2023

Oh Daddy Boy! Ricky, Julian and Bubbles celebrate St. Patty's day with green beer, green f**kin' flashy things, and a toast to snakes. They also discuss hangovers in space, eight uses for p*ss, and show off their knowledge of movie stars... not!

To see the video version of Park After Dark in Ricky's trailer, go to SwearNet.com or download the Trailer Park Boys SwearNet app. Happy St. Paddy's Day, everybody. It is March 17th. Why am I wearing all this shit? Here, put this on. think i tilt this one's tilted well you're drunk it looks like you know the tilted cat i don't want to be wearing any of this why are you making me wear it all you got on are your your big muscle sex straps or

whatever they are i got this on look at the iris did you get those for flashing your tits? Get what? Those beads No man You got them for blowing a leprechaun I got them at the dollar store actually Not a big fucking story behind it I got them You got them

I gave you the money I don't know if we're supposed to be celebrating this anymore Alright you're going to bring this up again, are you? Well, that's what they're saying. You know what? It's one of my favorite fucking holidays, man. What are you talking about? They're saying now that St. Paddy might have been just... Ah!

Don't want to hear it. If it's anything negative, this is a great day to get drunk. And we can't fucking... Well, we can still get drunk. I'm just saying. They're saying that maybe he was you know just a murderer or whatever well yeah because they the snakes when he killed the snakes they're now saying that the snakes code code for oh fucking jesus code yeah so fuck that

we're going to continue to celebrate still celebrate it as a day to get drunk. Well, maybe we'll remember those people that got slaughtered. Here we go. Let's get drunk. Those are hurt on the fucking... To the snakes. Those poor fucking snakes. People. The fucking snakes.

We're gonna say it's actual fucking snakes. They got rid of them. I got green fucking beer, too. To the boa constrictorsors to the pythons that's going to turn your pisser to the right inside your pisser green bubbles to the trees and don't put in this green jawline to the rat snakes green inside to the car snakes to all the snakes Snakes.

To all the snakes. Fucking fuck the snakes. You know what? Even the goddamn garter snakes. There was some fuck-ups involved with St. Paddy's Day. I mean, that was a huge one. To the grass snakes. My favorite of the snakes.

I love the grass. You know that green should not be the official color. Why? Because St. Paddy's had a fucking blue robe he what had a blue robe maybe he was colorblind no he wasn't he had a blue robe yeah he had a blue robe and you know and back in the 1840s there's the great potato famine that what about the boston tea party that was green that's a fuck no that wasn't it wasn't no man that was tea in chicago i thought they died the fucking river they did that they

throw a green dye there and that's uh that's a but that's a up because it should be blue anyway but they're saying back in the 40s there was this big this potato family going on people were starving so they had they resorted to eating grass so if you want to think of it that way it's not very a happy thing, green. I like the smoke grass. There you go. Turned around. I bet you there was smoking grass over there, too.

It's a fucking great day for weed, isn't it? It had nothing to do with weed, but... It should. St. Paddy's? Yeah. He was a big weed fella, I think. Yeah. I don't know about that, man. No? No, he needed to smoke more weed,, I think. Yeah. I don't know about that, man. No?

No, he needed to smoke more weed so he stopped killing snakes. And you know that our friend Chris Hadfield, he was the first astronaut to celebrate. Hadfield? Hadfield. First, fuck off, bubs. He was the first astronaut. Well, he wasn't one of the Hatfields.

I was thinking the McCoys. Yeah, you're right. Anyway, he sang Daddy Danny Boy up in space. Daddy Boy? Danny Boy. Oh, Daddy Boy. So he's the first one to celebrate up in fucking space, I bet. He's the first one to do a lot of things in space.

Mm-hmm. Jack? No. They still haven't banged in space, though, have they? Yeah, they have. At least someone has. People have banged in space. How do know those two russian fellas didn't they the cockman really cockman on russian cockman arts there was ass banging going up in space

that was the head i don't know i made that up all right i think a couple no i don't know someone must have banged in space jesus christ they're saying you don't do the banging in space what does it do to you don't know but they are saying that's a no-no why because the little fluids would be floating around probably be loads floating around forever up there in the space station well they you wouldn't want to get in the you know the gears and everything what about drink do people getting drunk up there in the space station you can't tell me there hasn't been some russian vodka up there right so russians yes they they have a snap of liquor up there every now and then what would a hangover in space feel like well it would be zero

g hangover yeah but what that would have how would that would affect you do you better we're saying over do you get drunk i think it'd be better because you just float around going, holy fuck. It's miserable, but you're floating around. You're not in an airplane to get more drunk, correct? Yeah. They say that, man. You know what? I think that's bullshit.

Well, you don't get drunk. Well, I'm just saying. I've had a lot to drink up on a plane, and it's the same, man. It's not. You get more fucked up at altitude. I don't fucking believe it. Light same, man. It's not. You get more fucked up at altitude. I don't fucking believe it. Lightweight, maybe. You got a bit of a cold, huh?

A little raspy. Yeah. COVID. Sound like Jessica Rabbit. Who? Jessica Rabbit. Who's Jessica Rabbit? she's that rabbit that was Roger Rabbit was banging wasn't he

he was banging her oh he wanted to be you know who that was Roger Rabbit and Jessica Rabbit in the same movie they must have been yeah they were I hope so Jessica fucking

she wasn't a rabbit she was Alec Baldwin's ex-wife. Jessica Rabbit. Yeah. Alec Baldwin wasn't married to a rabbit. Wait, no. I'm getting the rabbits all fucked up here, boys. What's her name?

Jessica Rabbit. Nine and a half weeks. What's her name? No, that's... Kim Basis. No, it was Kathleen Turner, for fuck's sakes, wasn't it? I thought Basinger was the voice. Maybe she was.

Maybe I'm fucked. The hot animated chick. I don't think she was a rabbit, though. Jessica Rabbit. She was married to Roger Rabbit. Talk his last name. He was a rabbit with big fucking ears. He must have married her, and she changed her name to Jessica Rabbit. What his last name. He was a rabbit with big fucking ears. He must have married her and she changed her name

to Jessica Rabbit. What's his name? Roger Rabbit. Who the fuck is that again? He got framed. That was the name of the movie. Who's Roger Rabbit? Wasn't it? Who framed Roger Rabbit? Somebody framed the poor little bastard. But wasn't he banging this blonde-headed, animated, gorgeous

like fucking... Jessica Rabbit! Was she a rabbit? bastard but wasn't he banging this blonde-headed animated gorgeous like Jessica rabbit and she was she a rabbit no he had rabbit-like features I don't think she was a rabbit no man she wasn't no I think she was human which I don't think it was Kim well wait now maybe she was no Jessica rabbit was in Dick Tracy oh my see this is how things get fucked up i was in dick tracy you know how many people at least a dozen who's dick tracy nick nolte oh here we go fuck i don't know man so was kim basinger wasn't jessica rabbit i thought it was fucking kathleen turner the raspy sexy voice fucking no man Maverick's woman, wasn't she? No, man.

Jesus Christ. Kathleen Turner wasn't in Top Gun. That was Kelly McGillis. Yeah, man. You're all fucked up with your. I'm all fucked up with. Okay, just a sec. With your beaded tits.

Jessica. Just punch in who framed Roger Rabbit. No, I'm going Jessica Rabbit. I don't give a fuck about Roger. Roger Rabbit. Jesus Christ, this is ruining my St. Paddy's day. Jessica Rabbit. Disney, right? That was Disney?

No. How big was the field? Jessica Rabbit. Walt fucking Disney. Jessica Krupnik. Krupik Rabbit was her full name. jessica krupnik krupik rabbit was her full name holy fuck jessica rabbit she was part rabbit at least no she had no fucking no she was just hot she didn't have bunny ears nothing man she had a bunny ass and who did her voice if it's king kim if it is kim basinger you guys are both getting the punch and we'll suck on each you have to take it we won't if it's kathleen turn you're sucking on something of mine okay okay it definitely

wasn't kathleen turn on man now what was that? I don't know, man. I can't talk about that. Kathleen Turtle and Resica Rabbit. Just a sec, just a sec. Resica what? Resica Jessica. Resica Rabbit. Okay, there. That's what was choking me.

Oh, there. I feel great now. You don't look very good. Well, here. I can put my helmet back on, I suppose. Jesus. Fuck. Who framed Roger Rabbit?

Oh, my God. The fucking wheels came off. We need to know who framed him. Who did? Jesus fuck Who framed Roger Rabbit? Oh my god The fucking wheels came off We need to know who framed him Who did the voice How are you so bad at all of this? Because I'm fucked up We're just

You can't type like a jet Fuck off man Let the world's tallest leprechaun have a go at it Who's that? you try to type like you're you know like a secretary who did you say it was the world's tallest rep no jessica rabbit who did the voice kathleen turner he said open up open up your mouth open up your mouth and take a sink How did I fuck that up so bad? Who would What voice did she do?

She did something She was in Dick Tracy That's the one With Nick Nolte And Warren Beatty Oh yeah That's who was in Dick Tracy Not Nick Nolte.

Nick Nolte's all fucking banged up on stuff. Is he? I think so. He's just a fucking alcoholic. So Chris Hadfield's great, great, great grandparents must have had a field. Why? Must have had a field. What is he talking about? I missed that one man what's his last name

who's that that's the astronaut oh fuck ricky come on man he's serious chris should buy a field yes well if he buys one, then he's a solid. So that his name comes first. All right, you know what? It was Brad Pitt in the fucking movie I was thinking about, man. What? Who was she? Clean World.

Cool Runnings. Cool World, man. Cool Runnings is a bobsled team from Jamaica, man. That's right. Gabriel Broom was in it. Fucking Brad Pitt. He was an awful movie. Cool World.

I don't remember it was kim bases you got four percent yeah four percent on rotten tomatoes i guarantee four percent yeah nine and a half weeks didn't get four and a half four percent no back when what's his name blocks to her that was a good movie what was his name oh jesus christ mecky rourke thank god someone came up with that fast mickey rourke thank god somebody came up that fast mickey rourke was putting the blocks to everybody in that movie yeah he was a player man that guy holy drugs on st patty's day just got out of hand what's that sound everything's heightened that's the mushrooms the green mushrooms. The green mushrooms. The green mushrooms.

The green mushrooms, man. Why didn't I get the green bastard fired up today? You should have. Maybe that's who St. Paddy was. He was the original green bastard. We're having green eggs and ham for supper. For murdering people. We're not having green eggs and ham, man.

Any green ham you have is because it's fucking rotten in the fridge. It's been there for a long time i think my body will kill it go for it it's very old very old fucking ham oh boys i could have a nap sitting here furry old hands your mom man Oh, man. Totally reminded me of her. What? Just a furry old ham. Terrible. Rotten. Terrible talk.

She was cool, though, man. Furry old ham. Furry old ham. I know. We should get that cranking later. Who was that now? Huh? Who sang Furry Old Ham?

Furry Old Ham. Furry Old Ham. I met my love by the ball. Furry Old Ham. Furry Old Ham. Shut up, Furry Old. Furry old ham. Yeah, furry old. Ah, fuck. Furry old catcher's mitt.

What? Furry old catcher's mitt. Oh, look at the little shot glass. Was that around my neck? I didn't know. I got that from a little leprechaun. I don't know if this is very fitting for St. Patrick's Day. Give it to us, man.

No, I think we better not talk about it. No, man. Go for it. Eight strange uses for piss? All right. Oh. I'm dying to hear this. Actually, there's only seven because I crossed one of them in.

Why? Because it was lame. Okay, let's hear it. Number eight is for making leather. Didn't that that's leather they soak leather in human and horse piss to soften it so when you're walking around in your leather jacket you just got a big pest jacket on pretty much and then actually once it's done soaking in piss they rub it with shit to soften it even know who the get the fuck out of here man that's not going down oh shit and pest jacket there's no way man pissy shit it's also used as a cleaning to clean stuff that doesn't seem right you just rub and

pass on it we used to these used for cleaning clothes because the urea turns into ammonia if you yeah he's a pressure to let it go still yeah actually that's true people ancient Romans used to brush their teeth with urine fucking sticks and shit Jesus Murphy magic fucking waking up in the morning and It also removes grease and oil. Didn't know that. So does WD-40. Next time you're working on your car and you got a piss. Just piss all over the engine.

I was going to say on your hands, but. Why would you piss on your hands? He's going to start pissing on his hands to wash his hands now. Watch. It can also be used for providing power. Electric piss. his hands now watch you can also be used for providing power electric piss the electrolytic cell breaks urine into hydrogen that can be used for power a liter of piss can produce enough electricity for six hours what why aren't we heard so that fucking bit of you're not getting back into the piss game well Well, I'm just saying.

You can also use it to make things explode. One of the main ingredients... Piss bombs. One of the main ingredients in gunpowder is potassium nitrate, also known as saltpeter. Also known as piss. Made from piss. Wow.

Human and animal urine. You store it in giant vats. You add a bit of lime and some wood ash let it fucking rot for two years and then you dry it out salt beater used for making weapons two years we could blow some serious shit up if we start making some some now well the thing is being from the trailer park it's just the way that the sewer's set up. I mean, all it goes back to the pond. We could harness that, Bubz.

You're not getting all the pond piss in buckets to try to make something out of it. It's got to be, man. It's like free money. Disinfecting wounds. You can piss on open wounds. I knew that. Rambo pissed on his own chest, didn't he? No, he didn't.

He cauterized it, man. Didn't he? No, he didn't. He didn't lean back and piss on himself in one of the episodes? He definitely didn't piss on himself. If Rambo was pissing on his guts, I would know. And I probably would have tried it. I don't know if they could have shown that at the rated X.

No, they could just shoot it so that you just see his stream coming up. He was on his back and he's just lying there pissed off. You don't have to write it X No They could just shoot it So that you'd just see his stream coming up He was on his back And like he's just lying there Pissed off You don't have to see cocks I'm pretty sure Rambo And one of the things He got like a

Like a fucking skinny rocket Went right through him And he had a big hole in him And he just was like here And he got his legs up the wall And he pissed on his And he pissed off the wall onto his cut? No he had his legs up the wall and he passed on his pissed off the wall onto his cut no he was had his legs up the wall and he lifted himself up so that he just had to piss straight

down the fuck no man no you were watching rambo that was the fucking porno that he had the rambo yeah that dude rambo yeah he's the one that pissed all over this fucking shoulder. I don't remember that. I just remember Rambo. You can actually build a house with piss bricks. Piss bricks, how? Frozen? It's like an igloo.

Frozen piss brick. Piss loo. Frozen, like, how? You remove something from the piss and you mix it with lime, but I can't really read what I wrote. No fertilizer. You remove valuable fertilizer from the piss, mix it with lime, extract all the water, mix that with some sand and bacteria, gives you pea cement that you can form into bricks. That sounds like a lot of work. You know what else you can do? It stinks.

Go to fucking Home Depot. Buy yourself a load of bricks. Yeah. Instead of making your own piss bricks. It'd be cool to have a host say, yeah, guess what that's made out of? My piss. That'd be really cool, man. Ricky.

Fuck. Imagine if ever had a date and you said that she'd be like you're fucked unless you had a piss fetish but I guarantee you that there's

people that use concrete and shit that probably piss in it probably the same thing just water right I don't know I think it's good just keep talking yeah i mean there's probably people that piss and all you can eat buffets too i mean you can talk about it all day yeah i didn't know i don't know we should

have been talking about piss stuff that was a fuck up my part okay so what's next on the uh list of things to talk about on saint patty's day you tell us you got the smart box i'm surrendering to saint patrick all right surrender has been completed what's the let's talk let's think of the fucking craziest thing we've ever done on St. Patrick's Day. Craziest thing? Where were... We were somewhere one year.

Were we in New Orleans or somewhere and you fired a shitbag at somebody? I did? Yeah. I remember that. I remember fucking hanging out at a Vickardi car doing 100k with a big gallon of paint green paint coat and cars to be honest that was cool you get paint on someone's windshield what a mess that turns into

yeah oh yeah you turn on the wipers and just bad idea just smears it do you hear about the buddy down south he uh 45 years he was collecting pennies right pennies pennies okay 15 jugs big those big 18 liter jugs of water 15 of them how many pennies what do you have 45 years this guy was collecting pennies you know he brought them into castle At first, they were like, fuck you. We're not counting your pennies. But then he got a bit of attention, so they're like, all right, we've got to count your pennies now. But guess how much he made? 40 bucks.

No, it'll be more than that, Ricky. Wouldn't be that much, though. 15? Grand? No. 100? 15 fucking bottles. 15 big jugs. Oh thought you said three no 15. so let me think panties that's a lot of work man that's a lot of work dedication um thousand maybe 15 grand

nope five grand just a little over five that's it what a horrible hobby that should have been collecting something no even a nickels man quarters quarters would have been a payday you know well quarters would have been 25 times five right yeah five times still not that much no but 125 grand is a lot better than $5,000. Exactly, man. What a fucking really shitty story. He should have collected a $100 bill. Can you tell us a good story that makes me smile? You know what? $5,000.

He was fucking happy about it, okay? So it's a good story. What the fuck does that have to do with St. Paddy's Day? I don't know. Were they Irish pennies? No, they weren't. There's probably... No, man.

Just pennies. Did he feed them to snakes? He didn't feed anything to snakes. He went out and got drunk, I think. 45 years of saving, got drunk one night. Yeah. No, he probably had a few drunks. 45 fucking years, did you say?

45 fucking years picking up pennies, man. Christ. What a fucking. He should have a few drugs. 45 fucking years, did you say? 45 fucking years. Picking up pennies, man. Christ. What a fucking... He should have been thinking ahead. Five grand. Putting away dollar bills or something. He was just, you know, it's turned into a hobby, man. He's probably one of these guys that thought he had $10 million in jugs of pennies.

Yeah, I think so. I wonder if he was shocked at how shitty he did or if he was like, okay, it's not bad. I think he was probably a little let down did or if he was like okay it's not bad i think he was probably a little let down he must have had it somewhat figured i think he thought he had like 500 000 worth of pennies and then when he got there was like how much would that way a lot oh one of those jugs full of panties would be how many arm curls would you be able to do with one of those jugs? Ham? Unlimited? A little bit. Limitless. What?

I just found out that my favorite person back in the 1700s was a guy named Frederick the Great because this motherfucker, he issued a statement urging people to drink beer in the morning instead of coffee. You don like beer i know but it's you know it's all part of the family of things i like no if he had a set rum he would have been like fucking a god but no why was he telling people that no just because he was an alcoholic i guess and wanted to drink with everybody who knows so you tried to make it normal yeah prejudice the great man 1777. wonder did he know alexander the great oh they're probably drinking these buddies man same last name yeah no man

i wonder who see getting born on st pat's Day would suck. It's just like, fuck. You should automatically be Irish, I guess. Well, you just know that you're definitely getting drunk every birthday. I know, but you do anyway. So then you get one less drunk a year. It's a rip-off. It's a good point. It's like being born on Christmas.

According to a study done back in 2020 2010 people fluent in multiple languages almost swear always swear in their native tongue really so if you said tabernak that's not our native tongue but you know it's my native tongue sacrament what does that mean it's a bad word it's no it's like sacrament sacroiliac let your backbone some people say sacrament which is handbag no i think they're saying suck on that aren't they sus this will be set whoa cleopatra had a special lipstick made sus sus whoa Cleopatra had a special lipstick made for her consisting of a crushed mixture of ants and deep

red caramined beetles give her a little kissy poo you're eating bug guts I'm fine with that she'd rub bug guts on her lips what if she was hot like for real Nat King Cole got born on St. Pais Day. I didn't know she was the

Mona Lisa. Oh. Nat King Cole? What? That's what it says. No, Ricky. You got something fucked up there, bud. The Mona Lisa was painted long before fucking Nat King Cole was around singing.

Oh, she sang the Mona Lisa. I guess that's a bit different, isn't it? was painted long before fucking that king cole was around singing so oh she was saying the mona lisa i guess that's a bit different isn't it yes that's not the same as being the mona lisa okay you know how big the mona lisa is the painting it's big the real one yeah it's about that big that's it yeah man yeah it's both that big holy yeah it's pretty tiny he painted like a ton of pains which i didn't know that like thousands i thought he only had like four or five no he was quite prolific quite prolific oh one of your buddies john John Wayne Gacy, got born to this day. One of my buddies. Do you like serial killers? I'm fascinated by them. I don't like the guy.

He's a fucking twisted cocksucker. Patty Boyd? Patty Boyd. George Harrison's ex-wife. Kurt Russell, Julian? Kurt Russell, bud. Kurt Russell, bud. I know, yeah. Good actor. And Gary Sinise.

Oh, yes. Oh, he was in the Rats and Men. I like that movie. Yeah, Forrest Gump with me and John Malkovich. He was in it, too.alkovich he was in it too yeah he was in yes he was in forrest gump he was captain captain dan lieutenant dan his legs blown off another one of your babes julian rob low that's not a babe my babes

my babes Billy Corgan yes you like him do you right do Oh Billy Oh Billy fucking screeching I think we should fucking crank some of his music let's do still just a rat in a cage despite all my rage okay well that's about it man I'm just Stormy Daniels if you want to go in the bathroom for a minute Stormy Daniels

Stephanie Clifford is her real name, I guess. Really? Anyway, it would suck to get born from this day. I'm glad it wasn't me. If your dog's feet smell like corn chips, you're not alone. The term Frito feet was coined to describe the scent. Who has dogs, like, is that a thing? Yes, dog feet smell like corn chips they smell like cheese

yeah not cheese the same corn chips because they're filthy animals would they taste like it like has anyone tried eating them no man dog feet yeah ricky pig feet or no it's pig ears pig feet too dogs like pig feet or no it was a pig ears pig feet too dogs like pig feet dogs are filthy fucking dumb creatures so dumb dirty shit smelling corn i don't know what i don't know man boys i'm fucking late we need to go back to liquor store because we drank way too much last night and we don't have enough booze for friday st patty's day well then or are we just going to go to the legion oh let's go to the legion i'll get some i'll do some dancing if we're going to the legion oh man you're going to play some jigs i will i'm trying to dance with someone under the age of 70 but no

there's better dancers the old the old it's just weird working good highs fucking watch Riverdance not doing that again boys fuck we've watched it's a hundred times all right you know what we got to go get some supplies everybody be prepared for your st. Paddy's Day, unlike us. Do it like Frankie. What? Do it like Frankie would tell them how to get their supplies. What do you mean?

Frankie. McDonald's? Yes. Okay, you do it. No, you do it. I don't know how to do Frankie. Well, happy St. Paddy's Day, everybody. I hope you have a fucking great one.

And get your St. Paddy Day supplies. Frankie. To watch the video version of Park After Dark and my fucking trailer, go to SwearNet.com or download the SwearNet Trailer Park Boys app. Fuck off.