Trailer Park Boys Presents: Park After Dark - Episode 43 - Ricky's Googly Search

Episode Date: May 27, 2016

Ricky's been Googling on the worldy pipe this week! Hear what he's learned about bat cocks, horse wheels, how to bang a lemon, curing bad breath, and more weird stuff! Episode 43 is brought to you by the Official Trailer Park Boys Store, and Liquormen's Ol' Dirty Canadian Whisky!    

All right, we ready to do this boy's podcast. I'm excited. You're excited today, are you, Bubbs? I am. What are you excited about? I don't know. I'm just excited. I don't have to have a reason. You must have got a batch off this morning, did you? Ricky, now we got to start over because I don't want that on there. I don't want that on there.

All right, let's start over. And welcome to the pot cash. Hey. Hey. Julian. What? What's going on, man? Is this going down now?

Were you sleeping? Fuck, boys. What the fuck happened to you, man? Is this going down now? Were you sleeping? I'm fucked, boys. What the fuck happened to you? I'm up all fucking night puking, and I'm fucked. I can't fucking believe I'm here right now. Why were you puking? I don't know, man. I'm fucking, I don't know what's going on with me.

I'm sick. I'm just, I got some kind of a stomach flu or something. But I'm sick. I'm just, I got some kind of a stomach flu or something. But I'm here. Seems like it's ever since you got back from that nightclub where all the fellas hang out. That's the night you got sick. You did fucking pan two bottles of liquor in your head. Why would you say that, Bubbs? Why?

You're supposed to be my friend, man. I've been fucking up all night, getting sick, and you're saying I'm at a bar with a bunch of fellas. No, I'm just saying that... No, I know where you're going with it. Three or four nights ago, you went to a nightclub. Were you alone? I saw you going into the nightclub with a bunch of fellas. I haven't been to a nightclub in probably seven years, man.

Did you see some things, or did some things happen to you that's what's making you throw up? I just... It's like a stomach flu, man. You know how people get sick and they just throw up? It's one of those kind of fucking things. Well, can you, like, you're supposed to do the, you know, hey. You know what? I'm here because of that, Bob.

I'm here because of our sponsors, and I'm the one that takes it seriously. That's why I'm here. This is the Trailer Park Boys podcast. Okay? It's coming at you right now. Sponsored by Liquor Mints. Semi-professional. And HTTPS colon backslash backslash trailer park.

No, trailer. Trailer slash park slash boys. Dash park. What the fuck is it? Dash, not slash. Minus. Trailer minus park minus. I don't give a fuck. What the fuck is it? Dash, not slash. Minus. Trailer minus, perk minus. I don't give a fuck. What a stupid...

Anyway, man. That's fucking dumb. I feel bad for smashing your little fucking thing last week, so... I got you a new shot glass to fix. It's right from the factory. It's an exact match. That's not an exact match, man. It's pretty fucking, well...

It's close. The factory changed a few other settings. Ricky, it's a piece of painter's tape. Frog tape with a sharpie on it. Don't you not help him here. Well, why do you got to tell Fibs and say it's from the factory? I was trying to cheer him up, and now you fucking made him pissed off and me pissed off. No, I'm not... Thank you.

I wasn't expecting this at all, okay? At least you tried. I could have said I built it. You did? Out of sand. Isn't that what they make glass out of? Sand and heat. Well, I don't know, Ricky.

Maybe you Googled it, did you? No, but I'm going to. Ricky, do you remember last week? We were talking about your search history on the Googler? Yeah. No. I just want to ask you... Hold on a second.

What is it? Everything you search on Google. Oh, no. Fuck off. No. You guys can't fucking check that. I absolutely can't. And there's a few here...

I'm going to smash your fucking laptop. From now on, when I search things, I'll search them, I'll fucking figure them out, and then I'll check that. I absolutely can. And there's a few here. I'm going to smash your fucking laptop. From now on, when I search things, I'll search them, I'll fucking figure them out, and then I'll smash it. Because I can't, you guys can't, it's called snooping. Snooping? No, it's not, Ricky. I just, I clicked on the history, and it popped out, and, you know, I just. It's almost like spying on me without being there.

No, just checking out your history, man, of what you're fucking searching. Don't give me a fucking embarrassment. If there's one there that's weird, don't fucking tell me about it. Okay. Horse wheels. Horse wheels. Horse wheels.

I do. That was me. These probably aren't all me, but that was me. Why were you Googling that, horse wheels? Well, I was pretty baked in that. You know how they have horse shoes, so I was wondering, you know, if instead that, horse wheels? Well, I was pretty baked in that. You know how they have horse shoes,

so I was wondering, you know, if instead they had horse wheels, and then you could just roll your horse around. It would save, you know, some of his energy, and if you had to move him, like, in a tight area, like, especially if the wheels turned every way, you could just, like, move him forward or sideways. What would you do? You mean like a set of casters?

You just screw gun them right to the bottom of the horse? I don't know if you'd screw gun them, but maybe Velcro so they're quick release. I don't know. So you want Velcro with some casters onto a horse that you don't own? Why were you thinking about this? You don't even own a horse. I know, but would it make the horse faster is another question. Once he got the hang of it. Oh, my fucker, Ricky. Kind of like roller skates, I guess. I don't even own a horse. I know, but would it make the horse faster is another question.

Once he got the hang of it. Oh my fuck, Ricky. Kinda like roller skates, I guess. But on a horse. What? Ricky. Why would you even think about that? Like I... Because I've been trying to come up with one of those million dollar ideas and...

Horse wheels. I couldn't find anything on it so... You should start a kickstarter campaign, Ricky. Get horsewheels off the ground. What is that? How do you do that? I'll show you. You go on the internet and you just put up your idea and you ask people to give you money. Horsewheels. It's got a good ring to it. Horsewheels.com. You've got to look for that one. This is one here that, a pair of them actually, that kind of took me by surprise.

Why were you Googling how to barbecue a guinea pig? And then immediately after that, how to barbecue a pork a pig? I've been doing a lot of researching lately and I'm just trying to figure out different foods alternative

foods. So, you know, people don't have a lot of money there's all kinds of those things fucking around

and I just wanted to know if people have barbecued them and if they have what they would use to make it taste good and if it tastes good even in the first place.

Couldn't find a lot on it. So, as an alternative food source, you're recommending guinea pigs and porcupines. Just throwing it out there. I don't know. Never heard of many people eating them before. Did you barbecue one? Tell me the truth. Maybe it tastes like fucking KFC or something good. Tell me. Did you barbecue a guinea pig?

I need to know, because I used that barbecue. What's the right answer here, Bubbs? The truth, Ricky. The truth sometimes is not the best answer all the time. I didn't... I did not barbecue a pork a pig. You didn't? Put it that way.

Why would you want to, though? But you barbecued a guinea pig then. Well, little mo-headed little guinea pig got pretty fat and he died. So I'm thinking, what do you do, bury him? Or do you not waste him and make a meal out of him? Didn't turn out so fucking good. That's why, you know, I was trying to think.

What did you have him with? Did you have him with like some, you know, like a jacket potato? Potato salad. You had a potato salad with a guinea pig. You did eat a guinea pig. Not the whole thing, no, because it wasn't fucking very good. Oh, my fuck, Ricky. Did you pull them apart? Like, you know, eat his little legs and stuff?

The legs are just a bit smaller than, like, a chicken. You know, when you get chicken wings and they throw in the little mini legs sometimes. They're a lot smaller, man. Like Ricky. All right, guys, sorry for fucking trying out new foods. Do people actually eat guinea pigs or porcupine? Do they actually do that? Actually, they do eat porcupines. Do they?

I did see that when I Googled it. Didn't say anything about barbecuing little fuckers, but you can cook them. One guy roasts them in the oven. Oh, my God. Ricky, if I catch you fucking barbecuing pork and pigs or guinea pigs or any of that... That's probably why I'm sick, man. I'm probably sick because of that shit. Like, the guinea pig, if it died, Ricky,

it could have died because it ate rat poisoning or something bad. I mean, you just can't eat shit like that. It's dead. It'd be better if you killed it. Don't, why would you tell him that? I'm just saying, it could have died from some fucking disease, man. So what are you going to do, go to a pet store and fucking buy a couple of guinea pigs and strangle them

and throw them on the queue? Why don't you just go through a fucking drive-thru and get a burger or something, man, for 99 cents? Because that's plain and normal. Oh, God. So that was it. That's not that bad. You also Googled, this was because of our conversation last week, can you live in a pickle? Yeah, not much came up on that.

You can live off eating pickles, but it didn't say what living in them. Imagine that. It didn't have any information about how to live in a pickle. Bat cocks. That's an interesting...

I was really curious why you were Googling bat cocks. Do we have to talk about everything that I was wondering about? I'm just curious because I just was trying to think, why in the fuck would Ricky... It was late at night.

I was fucking quite drunk, quite baked, and a couple bats were fucking around, flying over me, and they were freaking me out a little bit, and I was looking at them going, I wonder if fucking bats have cocks. I don't know why, but I had to know. Anyway, first thing comes up, a video on YouTube of a bat sucking its own cock. I didn't know why, but I had to know. Anyway, first thing comes up, a video on YouTube of a bat sucking its own cock.

I didn't... I don't think I watched it, but some stuff came up on bat cocks. You did watch it. What do you mean you did? How could that come up and you not watch it? I couldn't... I actually couldn't turn away. How long did it take him? Like, how long was he sucking it?

I don't know. I don't want to talk about this anymore. Well, you Googled it take him? Like, how long was he sucking it? It's... I don't know. I don't want to talk about this anymore. Well, you Googled it, Ricky, so obviously it's of interest to you. Anyway, bats do have cocks. You guys probably didn't know that. And apparently they can suck their own cocks. So there's a fun fact that you probably didn't know. Ron, Ron, Jeremy, can you do that too? Yeah, if you could do that, Ricky, would you do it?

Is there a wrong answer to this question? Yeah, if you could do that, Ricky, would you do it? Is there a wrong answer to this question? I don't know. What's the answer? It's the truth, Ricky. There's not much difference between using your mouth or using your hand, is there? Well, it's going in your mouth, man. You're tasting it. That's not good.

Unless you like it. Like, you know, if people like doing it, fine, but... Ricky, how do you not see the difference between using your mouth or your hand on your own wiener? But it's still accomplishing the same thing with one of your body parts. Well, if you talk about it in broad strokes like that, but one of them, it's, you know, your skin of your hand and the other one, you're driving her down your throat.

It's a tough call, though, because, you know, I mean, we both know that one of them feels better than the other. So, fuck, you know, that's a tough one. Would you do it, Julian? No, man. No, no. I bet when you were flexible and you're younger, you could do it. I could never do it. You always hear people saying that.

If I could do that, I'd never leave the house. I'd fucking leave the house to go see a psychiatrist and ask them, why am I sacking my own bird? Exactly. That's why I'd leave the house. I'd fucking leave the house to go see a psychiatrist and ask them why am I sacking my own bird. Exactly. That's why I'd leave the house. What if you said it's normal? I don't think you would, Ricky. It's not, man. Ricky, are you telling me you can do that? No, fuck no. How do you know? You tried, right? You tried. You fucking tried. Everyone tries. No, I've never tried. Really? Not even close, man.

It hasn't even crossed my mind. Well, one of us is normal and one of us is not, and one of us is cool and one of us is not. I don't know who it is. Wow. That's not a very good desk, Ricky. No. Not at all.

Bad cocks. Ricky? Yes? I'm very, very curious as to why you were Googling removing a toenail with pliers. I don't think that was me. Well, it wasn't me, Ricky, and it's wedged in between bad cocks and the next one.

Shit stains on car seat. Oh, my Jesus. I guarantee you neither one of those was me. That wasn't me either. The fucking toenail thing, I did drop a big rock on my foot. Toenail was fucking killing me, hanging off a little bit.

But I didn't know if I should rip it off or not. Anyway, there's two different answers. You can leave it or you can rip it off. Obviously. What did you do? I you can rip it off. Obviously. What did you do? I ripped the fucking thing off of pliers. You ripped your toenail off. Well, it's better to fucking take the pain once and let it recover

than to take the pain for a while and it never recovers. Is this going to make me feel better? No idea. I don't even know what it is. And what about shit stains on car seat? That was probably something I would have done. Like maybe Moe had an accident on a car seat and I was wondering what the best thing to get it out of there was.

Moe's still wearing diapers, isn't he? the best thing to get it out of there was. Moe's still wearing diapers, isn't he? Well, diapers have been known to they leak sometimes, I guess. And Moe shard it

and it sprayed out the side of the diaper onto the back seat. Okay, now say that exact same sentence, but just replace the word mall with Ricky, and then I'll believe it. You have been known to shit yourself as well.

Everyone shits themselves. That's a fact of life. Well, Ricky most. Adults don't. You know what? I'm going to Google that. What's the average number of times in a week an adult shits himself? A week? A week. What's the average number of times in a week an adult shits himself?

A week? A week? It's gonna be zero, Ricky. Like the average person doesn't shit themselves once a week. Put it in. Average number of times a person shits themselves. Google her up, Julian. This is gonna make me puke even fucking typing this in. Don't click on images, because you'll be probably afraid of what you see.

I'm just figuring out how to work Google, Ricky. I'm impressed. I'm not good at spelling, though. Every time I put something in, it says, did you mean this? And it comes up

with the right fucking... It thinks it's so fucking smart. Ooh, look at me. I'm Google. Fuck off, Google. Well, Ricky, it's just helping you. Like, why would you

take that as a bad thing? Because it's fucking... It's got a little chip on its fucking head saying, hey, look at you. Like, why would you take that as a bad thing? Because it's fucking, it's got a little chip on its fucking head. Saying, hey, look at you, you're not that smart. This is how you spell that word, dumbass. That's what it should say. Hey, fuckface, did you mean this because you're stupid? That's what I'd do if I was Google.

This is, like, it's just the average time people actually take a dump. It's not saying shit yourself in it. Well, put, um, accidentally shit your pants. Okay. That might zero. See, Google works on algorithms and... Should we put this little lady down for a nap? No, man.

I'm going for it. You need it, Julian. I think I need something. Dig deep. You guys. Down need it, Julian. I think I need something. Dig deep. You guys. Down to the dark cave. Did you get an answer, Julian? Okay.

There is what? Oh, there's two. Oops, shit myself is what? And would you poop your pants as an adult? Check that one out. See, this is exciting times. We're learning things. This is like... I don't want to talk about shit anymore. I don an adult. Check that one out. See, this is exciting times. We're learning things. This is like...

I don't want to talk about shit anymore. I don't care. What do you want to talk about? Cocks? I don't want to brought up cocks and you're the one who wants to suck yourself off. Ricky? Tried.

How to put a lemon in your ass. I did not fucking search that one. No way. Why is that in my search history? I don't even own a lemon. You could buy one. Why would you type that in? You don't really own lemons, Ricky. You buy them and eat them. If I did search that, there was a lot of liquor involved

that wouldn't have been going into my ass. What? What did you just say? Does that make sense? It could have been a party trick. A party trick? Who are you partying with? Who are you partying with?

Where the conversation comes up to, hey, let's stick a lemon up her ass. See what happens. Well, suppose you're drinking tequila. Oh, my God. You have all the supplies available at your disposal, don't you? Well, if you did do it, it would help out if you're in the woods and there's ticks, because ticks don't like lemon.

Well, there you go. It's a fact. Who knows everything about ticks? It would help out if you're in the woods and there's ticks because ticks don't like lemon. Well, there you go. It's a fact. Who knows everything about ticks? Well, you've got to spray it around like a, you know, ticks are nasty, man. So if you wanted to keep ticks away from your hunger, just drive a lemon in there. Maybe that's what. Well, some people would do that.

Other people would make this little solution of lemons and limes and water, boil them up and spray. Jesus. That's how you keep the ticks away. Or you could just bang a lemon. You never have to worry about getting a tick on your bird. Bang? How would you bang a lemon, Ricky? Drill a hole in the side. Jesus, Ricky. I don't know. I'm just... fuck. It would work maybe if you're saying lemons keep them away. Best way to cut your finger off.

Fuck, see, now you're making me look like a weirdo. Well, I'm just, I'm just curious why these things were being searched. Well, I started thinking too much. See, I had fucked my finger over there, and I'm thinking, when you get drunk really high, sometimes you get paranoid. I'm like, fuck. That's probably going to get infected.

It's going to blow up twice the size and won't be able to do anything about it, so I'm going to have to lose that finger. So if you're going to have to lose your finger, you might want to know the best way to lose it, the most painless, free way. Why wouldn't you just go to the hospital and say, can you fix my finger? What if it was past that, and then they want to cut it off?

If I'm going to fucking lose a finger, I'm cutting it off. Not some fucking guy that doesn't know what he's doing. Ricky, if you're getting so drunk and high and banged up that, you know, you're cutting your finger and you're thinking about cutting it off, you've got to stop fucking partying so much, man. Well, that weird straight of weed, I haven't been smoking much more,

but it does give you a lot of paranoid thoughts, and it fucks with your heart rate. Well, you're growing the craziest weed on the planet, man. You've got to, like... But once you're doing that, how do you fucking go back and say, okay, this is fucking too good. I need not-so-good weed. Rick, you're thinking about cutting your fucking finger off, man.

Ramming lemons on us. Still have it, don't I, joints? It's right fucking there. So we didn't get to that point yet, did we? Just if I need to fucking do it, what if a fucking snake bit your fucking finger? Did you read the thing on the internet about the snake? What snake?

Holy fuck, Ricky, there was a guy sitting on the toilet, doing his business, a fucking 11 was a guy sitting on the toilet. Yeah. Doing his business. A fucking 11-foot python came out the drain, grabbed onto his wiener, wouldn't let it go. Fuck off. What do you mean? 11-footer.

Hold the fuck on. The guy's name was Athaporn Boonmackery. Oh, porn. There you go. So you shot it as porn. No, man. No, Ricky. He's a real guy.

He's not a porn star. So how did the snake come up? It came up through the fucking plumbing? Somehow it came up in the plumbing, poked his head up through the toilet. He sees the twig and berries hanging there, and he thinks, oh, there's some lunch. Oh, my God, it would suck.

It latched on to the tip of the guy, so he was there fucking wrestling with it. Blood everywhere. Why are you so fascinated with what area he grabbed on? I'm reading the fucking news story here, Bubz. That's what it's saying. There's blood everywhere. Sounds to me like a fucking bitter ex-wife or ex-husband.

No, Ricky, it's a snake. There's pictures of the fucking thing. No, but she probably bought the fucking thing, trained it, and shoved it in the fucking plumbing. Said, go at him. Oh, my fuck. Ricky, see, nobody else. I would at least find out where the fuck she was when it happened.

Nobody else would think that. Only you. Anyway, they got the python out. They took the toilet apart. They took it out and threw him back out into the jungle. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Shut the fuck up. Yeah, I would have killed it.

They didn't kill it? No, they didn't. So there's lots of other cocks at risk here now. Because you know what they say, once you have a taste for it. Who says that? Well, all right. Once you have a taste for cock?

That's what I've heard the people sometimes say. No, Ricky, no. That's once you have a taste for... They say, like, I think it's a shark once it has a taste for blood. Yeah. It goes crazy and wants more blood. I don't think anybody's ever said once you have a taste for cock, you can't control it. Well, whether or not they do say that, the snake has clearly found a liking for cock. And if it's back in the wild, it's going to go, fuck, that was pretty easy, and the guy just sat there,

and I just went up and clamped on, so he's gonna try it again. So when you're saying snake, you obviously, you're talking about yourself, and you did accomplish the feat of sucking on yourself. So when you were talking about pythons, were you talking about a cock climbed up through the pipes and bit the guy's cock, or an actual real snake?

Or is it a trouser snake? No, it was a snake, Ricky. An 11-foot fucking snake. It's now out in the wild looking for more cock. You're the only person I know that's been bitten by a snake twice. It fucking sucks, I'll tell you that. Unbelievable.

Especially when weirdos ask if they can suck the poison out. And it wasn't a poisonous snake. Good boy. We don't have poisonous snakes in the east coast I don't think there's anything wrong with that Sucking the poison out of it But knowing that there isn't poisonous snakes In the east coast of Canada

Well, yeah You'd say, okay I mean, if you did get bit by a poisonous snake And he said, suck it out, you would suck it out Even though there is no poisonous snakes No, no, if I knew it was he was poisoned I would do it but you just said well it depends actually where the puncture holes are if they're just on the side that's one thing but there's

one on each side of the pestle then you're in trouble and then you have to what oh then you gotta get right on to the end of it that's different than sucking the poison out the side of it. But could you hook on a tube or something so you wouldn't have to actually touch it to your lips? No, he would just suck on it. He'd suck all the poison out and be happy doing it. Every time we do a podcast,

you somehow manage to steer the conversation. Oh, shit, you're the one that comes... You're coming up with these stories, man. I'm just commenting on them. I'm just telling you how I see it. Ricky, you're the one that comes... you're coming up with these stories, man. I'm just commenting on them. Just telling you how I see it. Ricky, you were googling how to make a broom. Make a broom? Well, I probably did do that. Actually, I remember the day I did that.

Trailer was pretty fucking dirty. I spilled a bunch of shit, popcorn, and a bunch of fucking... those little triangular cheddar chips. One to clean them up. I had 10 bucks. No drugs. So it's either go buy a fucking broom, clean the trailer, or make a broom and go buy some hash. It's not that hard. It fucking takes a while, though. You got to go to a firm and steal some fucking straw. And then get a nice stick, some wire. You made like a whole witch's broom. It fucking worked pretty good.

It didn't get the really fine stuff, but it got all the big stuff. So you went to a firm and stole a bunch of straw. Yeah. And took it home and grappled it onto a... Onto a smooth stick. The smoother the stick, the better, too, because it doesn't get you all blistered. Why wouldn't you just, like, take a towel and a hockey stick

or, you know, just do this with a piece of paper? Well, when I Googled it, that's what came up. The straw and wire and the fucking stick. The guy knew what he was doing. And... Well, then you could use for Halloween too to fly on scientists would be

studying your brain man because I agree Ricky what's the nice one you just wrote in curing shit breath thanks fuck well you haven't figured it out yet obviously Yeah, you just wrote in curing shit breath

Thanks fuck well you haven't figured it out yet obviously Fuck you got bad breath, but well sometimes guys everyone has bad breath do they they don't want to fucking harm other people Moe was fucking current recoiling a bit So I want to get rid of it one of the things that tells you is to brush your tongue. I never fucking knew about that. Yes, Ricky. Brush your tongue, man. You can buy an actual tool just for your tongue. It's a little flat thing with these little spiky rubber things on it. And you just rake your tongue like you're raking the lawn.

It'd be nice to have one of those after a night in the bedroom, wouldn't it? What? Well, just to get all the fucking different tastes and stuff, or, you know, everything out of your mouth. It sticks to things. After a night in the bedroom. You got all kinds of taste in your mouth. What are you scraping out of your mouth after a night in the bedroom, Ricky? What are you eating?

First you tell us you can suck your own wiener, now you say a night in the bedroom you gotta scrape things out of your mouth. I meant... Seems to be a pattern... And he's got a shit breath. Somebody's eating ass. Uh... Well guys, uh, we could move on to another thing we talked about. Okay, Ricky.

No. No more fucking Ricky searches. Just a couple more. What about... Because these, that's what I found curious. First you searched how to make your deck bigger. And then right after you searched how to make your deck look bigger. So you must have searched how to make it bigger and found out you can. And then you went...

There's lots of tools that say they do do that, but I don't know if they actually work or not. It could be a fucking scan. I mean, I'm not that bad, but I was just thinking it'd be kind of cool if it was extra big and you just let her hang all the time, just walk around. It'd be kind of fucking cool.

So if you had a gigantic wang, you would just not put it away? It'd be out all the time. Well, Ricky, you'd be in jail for indecent exposure. Well, I guess you wouldn't go to a mall. That would be nowhere with kids and stuff. But, you know, if you had a birdie... You'd just whip it out and say,

Hey, everybody, look at this! I don't even think you'd draw attention to it. Just walk around casually and people would say, Fuck, is that his? Is that ours? Wow, look at draw attention to it. Just walk around casually and people would say, fuck, is that his? Is that out? Wow, look at the size of it. That's fuck, man. So if you had a giant wang, you would just walk around parties with the fucking thing out.

Like a crowded party where you're brushing up against people. You know, there's a group talking at the door of the kitchen and you go, oh, excuse me, and you try to wiggle through. No, but it could be funny. Like, imagine if you were, you know, sitting at the table, you're concentrating, and I came up behind you at a party and just fucking flapped her right over your shoulder. You didn't know, and then you looked over, you're like, Jesus Christ.

Fucking everybody start laughing. I'd be the life of the party. I would punch you in the face. If you flapped your wang over my shoulder, I would go at you, man. Well, lucky for you, I wasn't able to get it bigger yet. You're never going to beat my party trick anyway. Never.

What's that? Punching holes in drywall with my wiener. Pops. Nobody's going to beat that one. That's the best party trick. I've never failed with that. Ever. Anyway, I want to congratulate you, Pops.

On what? You finally did done that before. Anyway, I want to congratulate you, bubs. On what? You finally... You finally did it, man. Your idea. What are you talking about? The Licky Brush. What?

Yeah, you finally fucking did it. 13,843 bucks? Good idea, buddy. What's a Kickstarter? That's not mine. It's not me, Ricky. What do you mean? Oh my fuck, somebody stole my idea. What do you mean? Oh, my fuck. Somebody stole my idea.

What do you mean they stole it? This is somebody else. It's not you? Oh, for fuck's sakes. I had that idea. Fucking ten years ago. Do you remember when I built one of those? This one looks a lot better than the one you built, man. For fuck's sakes.

A licky brush. It's a brush that you... It's like a rubber thing with sprinkles on it and you put it in your mouth and then you can lick your kitties. To groom them rather than, you know, trying to hold them still and you, you know, combing them with the wire brush which they hate. I made like a big rubber tongue and I would lay there and I would just groom them the way they naturally are groomed and they just relax and they're just like Oh boy, this is good. Yes of the cat feels like it's a tongue It's like because that's what they clean themselves with right exactly. So the kiddies like always clean to me Well someone fucked you I mean it looks a lot better than yours because yours actually advice grips to clamp on your tongue Well, I was just a prototype Ricky. I was gonna fashion it, you know get a nice

Well, I was just a prototype, Ricky. I was gonna fashion it, you know, get a nice......clamper. This guy had an eye, you know, he's got the bite grip on there. I eventually would have come up with that. Buzz, straight up, man. People that do shit like this, they're fucked in the head. No, they're not! If I caught you doing that, man, you know, I just, I want to forget about it. I had to release it. Why not, though? Because it was, it was disgusting. You're licking the fucking cat's fur. Not with my own tongue.

Like free range kitties though, man. You're still getting shit up your nose and... No, you're not. Bugs and shit all over them. No, you're not. Yes, you are. I was... They don't like the wire brush.

And this was a nice, soft rubber thing. I just licked them clean and they'd be happy. Do you have to keep it moist? Or how does that work? I had a little dish there. I would dip it in. It is a good idea. It's not a great idea.

It's better than using your hand and getting all the dirt and bugs on your hand. I also, here's a couple more here, Ricky, that I was curious about. How to unmelt stuff. Fuck, yeah. Yeah, more here, Ricky, that I was curious about. How to unmelt stuff. Fuck, yeah. Yeah, why were you Googling that? Because two of my fucking cups, one of my plates, and a couple of my plastic kitties were melted. Yeah, I'm sorry about that. Is that why you Googled that?

And I'm sorry about Lucy's plastic mixing bowl. I melted it, and then I was like, fuck, there's got to be a way to un-melt this. No. You'd think there would be. It's fucking stupid that you can melt something and then you can't fucking un-melt it. Why would they invent shit like that? Well, it's called ruining it, Ricky.

You ruined the fucking thing. Right, but if it was made out of something that un-melted, once it was melted, it wouldn't get ruined. How would you un- unmelt it, though? When you melt something, it's, you know, it's burning it, Ricky. Like, it's part of it's going away. You can't just, you can't harness all the vapor and put it back together. But you would think if you melted something with a blowtorch, that's heat.

So if you put it in a fucking extra cold freezer, it would be like, take it back to where it was, no? It doesn't work. Like the Terminator. Like that Terminator dude. Is that what you're talking about? They've got shit like that now, yeah. It's probably expensive and they don't make

household products out of it. They're not making bowls out of that shit. Where to steal diamonds? Why in the fuck were you Googling that? Because I'm fucking sick of living like this. And I just, diamonds, I don't know if you know this, but they're one of the most valuable things in the fucking world. They're a girl's best friend and they're hurt

I wanted to make something out of them. That's extra hairs that would last forever They can make like car tires out of diamonds. That would be neat But you know fucking it would cost to make diamond tires There'd be a lot but if you stole a shit town them, you could make all kinds of fucking stuff out of them. How... Teeth. ...uncomfortable of a ride would it be?

Imagine if you could replace all your teeth with diamonds. Nothing could fuck with them. It's one of the hardest things in the world. Clear diamond teeth. Fuck, you'd be cute.

You'd look fucking cool. You wouldn't want to go to... Just open up your mouth and just glisten. Someone would want to fucking rob your mouth, though, man. You wouldn't want to go to Cuey. You'd open up your mouth and just glisten. Someone would want to fucking rob your mouth, though, man. You wouldn't want to go see The Who. Get it? I don't get it, man.

They always had that big laser show. Oh, you just open up your lips. If you hit you in the teeth, it would go everywhere. Cool. This is one. Disco ball. This is one that I was really curious about. Peter Forsberg's eyes.

Okay. That's a bad one. What is up with you and his eyes, man? You've mentioned his eyes on several occasions. Well, it just... I don't know. I always thought that I had pretty nice eyes and then he comes along,

right? So it's kind of like we're almost like enemies, I guess. And you're always checking out your other enemies to see what his weapons are like. Do you think Peter Forsberg realizes your enemies because you're jealous of his eyes? If he saw my eyes, maybe he would be. He probably wouldn't be because he knows his are better. I don't know.

I was just looking at them to see what it is about them that makes them better than mine. What did you conclude? It doesn't mean anything. There's nothing wrong with looking at another man's eyes to see why they're better than yours. That doesn't mean fuck all. So you think he's got beautiful eyes?

I never said the word beautiful. You think you have, you know, nice eyes? I think he has qualities about his eyes that make them superior to mine. And I'm a little jealous. What would those qualities be? Shape? Color? All of it, pretty much, yeah.

Size. Oh, I hope they put up a picture, like a nice picture of Peter Forsberg's eyes right now. His fucking perfect wolf eyes. Anyway, so what? I Google a man's eyes. Doesn't mean anything. How come you're not talking about the other things I searched? Perfect tits.

Well, because those are boring. I know why you're Googling that. I wanted to know why you're Googling these other things. Does the queen smoke weed? Well, yeah. That's a great question because you're Googling that. I wanted to know why you're Googling these other things. Does the queen smoke weed? Well, yeah. That's a great question, because we're going over there. And she turned 90, which is pretty cool. She made it that long.

So I was going to fucking... Well, first I'd like to smoke a joint with her for her 90th birthday, but if she's not up for that, I could at least leave her a little something as a nice gift. It's the fucking queen. You're supposed to do nice things for her. She doesn't smoke weed, Ricky. How do you know? She lived to be 90.

She probably does. Anyway. She does have a drink every morning. You guys are going to be jealous when all of a sudden I fucking. Where were you last night, Ricky? I'll tell you where I was, assholes. Smoking fucking hash with the queen. Where were you?

Out twiddling your cocks down the fucking corner. Trying to find money for a drink. All right, you know what? I've had it, boys. Yeah? Time to wrap her up. Time to wrap her up. You're not being any fun.

You gotta go to bed. You need to live with the shit. I gotta go make another lecky brush. All right, just remember Liquor Mints, this fucking website. Just throw it up. I'm not fucking repeating it. It's also sponsored by the tip of Julian's cock. Why would you say that?

Oh, we should have ended it right there. I thought we did. Say it again, Ricky. This episode is brought to you by the tip of Julian's cock. No, it's not.