Trailer Park Boys Presents: Park After Dark - Episode 44 - Big Mac Donair Pizza Party

Episode Date: March 28, 2022

Deee-f**king-licious!! The Boys f**k with honey hot sauce pizza and KoD Big Mac donairs - but is Julian too much of a food pussy to eat it? Also: Snake farts, bear fights, and a dentist greasier than Sam Losco!

Well, I can't believe this fucking TV actually stayed on there, man. I thought for sure it was going to last two days, maybe. That's not fucking dollar store duct tape, man. That's the gorilla shit. Oh, it's the gorilla tape? Yeah. Oh, fuck, no wonder. This shit does not fuck around. It's the gorilla tape, man. It's the gorilla shit. Oh, it's the gorilla tape? Yeah. Oh, fuck, no wonder.

Shit does not fuck around. I just wanna say as well that I am proud of you for keeping this fucking trailer kind of clean, man. It looks good, it's the first thing I noticed. It hasn't been easy. But we haven't really been partying here too much. Well, I know, it doesn't matter. Usually fucking, places usually get fucking dumped. Well, we can always go hang out in your fucking shit box.

You're not fucking hanging out in my trailer, man. Come on! Where the fuck is Bubz? Don't fuck off, Donnie! No, you're not! No, Donnie, fuck off! You can't have one. Fuck yourself. Jesus.

What took you so long? Oh, yeah. Look at this, boys. No way. Fucking Donnie attacked me. Tried to take them from me. So this is really going down. Said he hasn't eaten in three days. Okay, I'm fucking orny as hell.

What took you fucking long enough to get them, bubs? I went down. I know. We got to shoot the fucking perk after dirt. Oh, perk me. That I took too long to go get your fucking lunch. I got shit to do today. There, king fucking. I got shit to do today.

All right, so what do we need? We need hot sauce? Yes, honey. I brought down air sauce. Look at the weight of that. That's a Big Mac down air. Holy shit, man. I told you.

This is Big Mac. I don't know if I could... I fucking told you this was a real thing. Do you like Big Macs? No? I love Big Macs. No, man. But it's... Donairs, you don't want to ruin a good thing. That's what I'm trying to say. And remember I was yapping about how good fucking pizza is with... Oh, you got it.

You got the honey? I got some hot sauce. We got chai potley. And we've got... Pizza as well, huh? Just pepperoni. Deadly. Because I want you to try it with the maple syrup, hot sauce, honey combination.

What's that? What the fuck? That's you, man. What the fuck is that? What? It's you. Is that your shirt? That's you. Is that your shirt? That's you, man.

What? Hold that up. And there's a cat on your shoulder. All right. Are you making fun of me? You made fun of me? All right, all right, all right. I did some kind of a fucking deal with them at a party.

I was talking to a dude. But I didn't sign off on this, man. What the fuck? I thought it was just a picture of Ricky's shirt. And I didn't even... I know, I know. And I don't think we're even getting... We're getting like...

Did you pay for these? Yes, I fucking paid for them. Well, that's part of the fucking deal. Oh, I see. You rip that off and then you use it as a bib. Okay, do you... Did you save the receipt? Yeah, I saved the receipt.

We're not fucking paying for this, man. In fact, I feel like taking it back. Look, it's Ricky Bubbles. Hey, I saved the receipt. We're not fucking paying for this, man. In fact, I feel like taking it back. Look, it's recce bubbles. Hey. This is not fun. That's the King of Donair pizza box. I betcha they got one with you in it, too.

I know they have one with recce. So how the fuck are we not... Who's getting paid here? I don't know. I... Look, boys. Boys, we got... I know. It is a good idea.

It is kinda cool. Right, you use it as a bib, then you can just eat like that. It's pretty good. All right, I'll talk to somebody about this, all right? Okay, so... Okay, you wanna try the pizza first? Yep.

You want a piece of pizza there? Tell me what I do here. So I'm supposed to put honey on it? You just gotta take a bite. No, I don't. I'm not getting paid to eat that fucking You just gotta take a bite. No I don't. I'm not getting paid to eat that fucking thing. Plus you got your grubby fingers all over my fucking slice.

My fingers aren't grubby. Grubby? My fingers are fucking... When was the last time you washed your fucking hands? I wash my hands about 19 fucking times a day. Alright. How many times do you wash your fucking muscles? Fups.

None. Once a day. I take a shower every fucking day. Okay, so what do we got to do here? Is it honey or maple syrup? Well, you can try one of each, Ricky. Maple syrup. You guys are going to be putting honey on your pizza. Yeah, look.

That's what we're supposed to do. You just do this. Watch. I told you to do this. Well, you just do a little swirl like that. All right. Okay. Okay, and then where do we swirl like that. All right. OK.

And then where we got for hot sauce? This? Deadly inferno. And then you just go. I don't. Just give her a. Where'd you get this fucking? Just some dabble dots.

Can you tell me who told you to do this? All right. It's something I came up with. There, Ricky. And then dabble dots all over it. I'm telling you, this is... Oh, fuck. I don't know, boys.

I don't fucking know, boys. I don't think so. I don't know if I can do this. Unbelievable. Honey and hot sauce. All right, did you dig into the fucking Randy's ass here? Because that's what it looks like. Yeah.

What do you think, Ricky? It's pretty good, isn't it? Yep. I'm gonna try a little bit of maple syrup too. Just on the front. On the front nine? Here. I'll try a little. Boys.

You gonna try this fucking... Oh yeah. This ball of maple syrup is the one? Better than honey? It's better but it's fucking nice. You guys are fucking... That's a good hot sauce. You guys are adventurous. You know that? Fuck.

Believe it or not, it's not that crazy to eat honey. I like honey. Yes, I do. I would put it in the dough, though, not on it. That's how I would do it. Really not that adventurous. What if you try it and you're like holy fuck you wouldn't talk as his brain wouldn't let him that brain doesn't let me fucking enjoy things that you brain makes him think he's eating

fucking raw crickets or something it does exactly what it does so this So this fucking thing. Butters. Yeah, I told you. Big Mac sauce. I told you. This is a Big Mac down here? This is a Big Mac. It's kind of scary to me. Down here.

I'm not afraid of shit. See, you know, this is... You should get a T-shirt that says that, Ricky. You know what is weird with me, Bob? I'm not afraid of shit. Because if I was in jail and you fucking threw this down on the table, I would eat the living fuck out of it and think it was the greatest thing ever. But when I'm at home, my brain's just like, no, man.

You're eating a fucking doner with Big Mac sauce. And pickles. Yes, Big Mac doner. Holy sweet fuck. Take a big fucking bite, bubs. Holy sweet wonder fuck. Look at that. Like, I wonder if there's some kind of an operation I can have in my brain

that'll get rid of this fucking picky thing going on with me, bubs. Get reprogrammed. That would be great if you could. You're strong and muscular and all that, but you're a bit of a food pussy. I'm a food pussy, boys. Straight up. What are you going to do to eat it, Ricky? Are you going to try to bite it?

Good. Fucked up. Talk to us, man. It's different. You can't, you gotta just block down there image and taste out of your head and just say this is something new. I think I like it.

I'm kinda like going deep, deep here. I need a bit of, need some pickle? It's delicious. It is, isn't it going deep, deep here. I need a bit of pickle. It's delicious. It is, isn't it? Yes, it is. 100% delicious. So basically the people that work at King of Donair, they sit around big dirt of their fucking minds and just make shit like this.

Mm-hmm. That's what they do. I should get a job there as a little test rat. I'm sure they'll fucking hire you, man. Little test rat. Well, I don't think they test things out every day, Ricky. That thing's unbelievable. Here's what I would...

Do you like it better than a normal one? The only thing I would change, I would cut the pickles up into little pieces. Ah, see? That's what they need. Yeah, that's actually a very good note for them, Ricky. The pickles should be in smaller chunks. They should pay us to do this.

You know what I mean? And then chop up the pickles on their own time. Yeah. I've got to say, I like it. You got another fork there somewhere? Yeah. For gotta say, I like it. You got another fork there somewhere? For a fella? A fella could use a fork. Alright, so out of ten, what are we giving the pizza with the maple syrup and the hot sauce?

What is that looking like? Well, it's tough to give a ten, but it's up there. It's up there. And the Big Mac fucking... In fact, I don't know if I could ever eat pepperoni pizza again without something like that. Yeah. I'm serious. Yes.

I really enjoyed it. It's that good. Okay. Donair? If you don't think of it as a donair, it's his own thing. Fuck. Minus the pickle fuck-up. It's got to be a solid eight, maybe even a nine.

It's a solid eight. Yeah. It's very original. I likeup. It's got to be a solid eight, maybe even a nine. Just very original. I like it. It's very good. All right. All right. Next order of business. What the fuck? What is the next order of business?

Well, maybe a nap. I'd like to go for a knife myself, but there's some things we got to talk about boys. A knife? We just started. Do we? All right boys, there's a snake out there. Where? There's not here, but the snake on earth. It's not fucking poisonous or venomous or whatever you want to fucking call it. It uses its fucking gas out its arse to fucking get rid of people trying to attack it. It's got a stink. It's got a fart.

It's a fart snake, man. Is it related to your mother? No. What's a snake? It's got a fart. It's a fart snake, man. Is it related to your mother? No, I don't think this is related to my mom, but it's a... So a snake farts and it gets rid of predators? Yeah, it's in the United States and Mexico, man. It's a hook-nosed snake. Hook-nosed fart snake. The western hook-nosed snake that uses farts to get rid of its fucking...

I wish somebody could cap one of its farts in a jar just so I could smell how bad it is. It's funny you say that, Ricky. It must be bad. Oh, really? Because I was thinking of the same fucking idea. We could sell it? We could totally sell that. See, I'd much rather smell a stinky snake fart than that girl that was selling her farts.

Are you serious? Why? Because it's a snake fart. Yeah, but you think it'd be the exact, like a chick that's kind of hot, her fart compared to a snake fart? Come on. It's a no-brainer, man. I'm smelling her hot chick's fart before a snake fart.

No, I think I'm with Ricky with the snake fart. If it's scaring off predators, it's gotta be a good one. Her farts probably smell like daisies. I wouldn't say daisies, man. Daisies and a little bit of shit. Well, yeah, probably. Frankie.

But it's a snake, man. I guess that's it for me eating for the rest of the day. You don't want the rest of this? No, I don't want that. Fuck. Blowing away. King of donair. You don't want the rest of this? No, I don't want that. Fuck. Blown away. King of Donair.

We're getting our receipt, bubs. We're gonna get them to pay for it. King of Donair, fucking delivered. Hey, boys. All right, so is that all we wanted to talk about this snake? Is that it? Do you guys have any questions, or are you all good?

Okay, how big's the snake? It's not a big snake, actually. Ricky, good question. I think it's about the size of a garter snake. Okay. Really? That's from a picture, though, man. I don't know.

Oh, fuck. What do you have for reference next to it? Is it next to a pencil or anything? Your mama. Her big jigs. Where does he live? Well, another good question, Ricky. I already answered that. I know, but...

The United States and Mexico. You said New Mexico? It's probably down in the desert area, right? Farnsnake. Wow. Who would have thought? I think the winner... That's my first shot of vodka today, boys.

I think the winner is maple syrup and hot sauce. Do you think so? Oh, God, yes, it's delish. My mouth's burning off, though. Yeah, the hot sauce is not... It's got a little kick to it. All right, it uses, uh... I feel like I sucked off a forest fire. You what?

Yeah, right? Like, how does that even go into your brain, man? You're gonna suck off a forest fire. Just heat, mouth, I don't know. Suckin' weird, man. You like a sucked up forest fire. Whoa, they tend to produce a, okay. Often, alright, learned a lot about this. It uses two sets of muscles to isolate

a compressed pocket of air and then contract the... Are we really getting into the mechanics of how this snake? And it has like a little, weir. It's like a high pitched little weir. It confuses the fucking. It makes a sound, does it fart? Yeah, it comes out, weee. So it doesn't sound like a fart fart, sounds like a high-pitched little It confuses the fucking... It makes a sound? Does it fart?

Yeah, it comes out So it doesn't sound like a fart-fart, it sounds like a... It's a high-pitched fucking noise, man. Oh, Ricky, you gotta think his fucking hole's probably only the size of a fucking needle. And it's tight. Oh, he's got a tight little arse on him, baby. He's got a tight arse on him. And it confuses the other animals when he makes that noise.

Has he got a nice body too, Julian? It's a snake, Bubz. Fuck, okay. Might be able to get a video going of the noise. Okay, here's a rattlesnake coming at the motherfucker. How big does it compare to the rattlesnake? It's second. Second. The Texas Snake Hunter.

Ori Martin. He's a... Who is this dude? He's a Texas Snake Hunter. Okay, he's coming up. Oh, he's a small little fucker. Oh, yeah, it did it. Julian's very excited. Thanks, bud. It's so small, he really doesn't have any way to defend himself, like biting or attacking or a real furious defensive display.

So he just makes that popping sound. And while it's not too loud, it is enough to kind of make an animal be like, what the heck is that noise and why is this dude making it? And what about the smell? Just enough time that they need to escape. That's a popping sound. I want to know more about this guy. They actually have a nose just like that of a hognose snake. Let's see if I can turn him brown for you.

He's still making that poppy sound. Have you ever heard the old saying in the show business world? What? If it comes down to you talking about snake farts, it's time to hang up your boots. You're right, man. That's an old adage. That's it. That's it.

Johnny Carson always used to say, if you ever have to resort to talking about snake farts, it's time to hang up your boots. Sorry, man. It's the edibles. What, do you want edibles again? Yes. I'm on edibles every fucking day now, man. The problem is, the good thing is they help you sleep at night, right? Yeah. Bad thing is you wake up...

Thinking about farts. Thinking about farts. they first you still fucked up Yeah Fuck I only had a couple bites of that, but it's already fucking my gizzard. I you know what my guts are fucked, but My mind is happy Is it worth it? That's what we got already fucking time with doing somersaults in my stomach right now I feel like I could easily vomit. But if I did, it would be a happy vomit.

Oh yeah, it was delicious. It's delicious. I just, you know, wasn't quite prepared for it. It probably wasn't a great combo. It could be the fucking two giant mouthfuls of fucking straight vodka I just took, too. We probably would've went one or the other, not combo. So if we're wasted, it's like 3 o'clock in the morning,

and we ordered this shit. One or the other. It's not good? Oh, no. It's good? At 3 in the morning? It should be one or the other. Would you wake up feeling like shit, though?

These two combined was just a little much. Oh, this fucking don't air when you're all gassed up? I would fuck with one of those again, but I would dice the pickles up. All right, there we have it. Diced pickles all mixed in, you know, and you can't really... That would be something else. A little more Big Mac sauce.

There's quite a bit on mine. It was like Ronald really came aboard that one. Oh, see, I didn't have much on mine. That's where Big Mac sauce comes from, you know. Ronald's what? Ronald produces it. Oh, Bob's man, don't you just took that to a really disgusting level. No, I mean he makes it. Ronald makes it in the fucking...

No, he meant there is... He produces it. No, I don't mean that. Ronald McDonald doesn't blow Big Mac loads. Jesus, Murphy. All right, there's a fucking Japanese company. I mean, this is a very, very cool piece of fucking machinery, but I don't get it. They made a rideable robot goat.

Why wouldn't you make a rideable robot horse? Too big. Yeah, but you get the mini fucking ponies, even the mini pony. No, it'd be too weird. You could take a goat on a bus. People would say, why would you make a mini horse? Why wouldn't you just make a goat? Okay, you could take a horse, the goat on a bus?

Yeah, you can't take a horse on a bus. The horns? Yeah. It's fucking weird, man. Did you see those two brave pigs in Connecticut? Brave pigs? No. I didn't.

That's what made them brave. Here are both the brave pigs. I'm talking about pigs, not people. Yeah. Okay, yeah. They fought off a bear. Two pigs? Whoa, whoa. How big of a bear? Two pigs? Whoa, whoa.

How big of a bear? He's a good size. He jumped into their pen. He was looking for a little snack. And they were like, fuck you, bud. So it must have been what, like a black bear, maybe? Yeah, it was a black bear. And he was fighting with two Vietnamese pot-bellied pigs.

And they were like, fuck you. You're not touching our food, you little piece of shit. And they beat the bear. The little pig started attacking the bear, and then this bigger pig came in and said, what the fuck? He got in on the action. The bear's like, fuck this nonsense, and took off.

You're not fighting these three fucking maniacs. So, but I learned something from him. You basically got to get down on all fours and attack the bear head first. Just fucking get at it. No, Ricky, you got it? Don't think so, man. That would be terrible.

Because people stand up, and that's why they get killed. Jeez, you've got to make yourself look big. So you would get on all fours and try to head by the bear. Just go right at it. So you would attack the bear? You have to. On all fours. Don't.

The bear's like, oh, you little pussy. Flick, flick, and you're dead. I don't know about that one, man. Bubs? Fuck, I wish we could. Ricky,icky what are the chances you getting in the living room there pretending over by the tv and charging at me like i'm a bear i'd like to see that i would too you're going at first at a bear no man you know i'm telling you it worked come on ricky get in there i make this the bear. I'll say this is the bear. There's a video of somebody charging at a fucking bear. No, it's not a person.

It's a fucking two pigs. Two pigs, but he's saying he would do it the same way. The point is, if it happened to you, you should act like a pig and charge the fucking thing and try to headbutt it. Instead of standing there like a little pussy. Oh, no, boy. I don't know, man. A good defense is a fucking greater bestest offense. Isn't that something?

Isn't that a sane expression? Either that or pigs are really fucking dumb. If you're getting attacked by a bear, the best thing you can do is climb a tree. No. Because they cannot get up a tree. No, man. I've seen a bear in a tree, I think. A bear can climb up a tree, man.

No. No, I'm just teasing you. That's the worst thing. If a pig I think. A bear can climb up a tree, man. No. No, I'm just teasing you. That's the worst thing. If a pig was to attack you, you'd go up a tree. Yeah. Pigs can't climb trees. Bears can fucking go up trees like nothing. Fucking right, Span.

Best thing you can do if a bear's trying to attack you or fuck you is play dead. Fuck you. People get fucked by bears, believe me. Playing dead is what you should do i don't know supposed to play dead and your best chance is that he's gonna maul you throw you around and be like i'm not eating this old dead cocksucker i want something you know what we should get out like come up with some like chompers like they can fucking go at you when you're playing dead pretend to fucking bite the shit out of you. See how fucking dead you'll be then.

Well, no, I'm just saying, as soon as you let them know you're alive, they bite you right in half. Yeah, but don't some people, you're supposed to go, be fucking loud and wave your hands. The only thing you can try is making those little sounds and farting.

I would not fucking do that. Maybe. No, man. And I would not fucking attack you like a pig. Attack the bear like a pig. There's no fucking way. What would you do? Just flex?

I don't know what the fuck I would do. Julian, just do a fucking front pump. I know if you're on the ground, you'd be trying to gouge his fucking eyes out and grab him by the balls. I don't know. He would fucking destroy you. If you're talking about a Kodiak grizzly bear. Oh, yeah, you're dead.

You're fucked. There's not much you can do with a Kodiak, but a black bear, you can fuck with. Black bear, you might be able to. Because if you shave down a black bear, it's just a big rat. Bob's hot on all that. A polar bear, you're fucked. Black bear's just a big rat. Bob's hot on all that. Yeah, polar bear or you're fucked. Black bear's just a big rat, that's all he is. Oh yeah?

Yeah, you Google a black bear with no hair. This is a funny one. This Florida drug user called 911 to complain about some meth he bought. He said it was fake. He said, I need some officers out here to test the quality. Oh, my God, people are fucked. People are fucked.

So the officers went, and they did test it, and it was meth, pretty strong meth, and they arrested him for possession of meth. Oh, my God. What did he expect them to do, go after the fella that sold him the weak meth? He thought it was wrong that the guy should be arrested for selling fake meth. He said he thinks it might have been bath salts. And the cop's like, no, it's meth, dumbass, and you're now under arrest. Thanks for calling us.

I don't know, man. What the fuck are you listening to? They fucking... This is... We're gonna... Here we go. It's time to unveil the robot goat. Look at this. Look at him go.

It's a fucking goat. Come on. You can't tell me you couldn't have made that a horse. Or a fucking zebra. No, I like the robot goat. Or a fucking cow, even. You know what? What do you got against goats, man? I just hate them, man.

I had a goat come after me once. As far as robot goats go, you know what? That's the greatest of all time. I can't handle this anymore, man. Oh, I get it now. Greatest of all time is the goat. Yeah. Maybe let's call it... You know what? If that's what they did, they're fucking brilliant. Greatest of all time. Goat. Yeah. You know what? If that's what they did, they're fucking brilliant.

That's why they did it. It's a goat. Because they can say this greatest of all time. Goat. You should be working for some corporate fucking office, man. Like, seriously. I've been saying that for years. Making tons of money.

Hallmark. I should be writing Hallmark cards. Did you hear that Harvey Weinstein's in trouble again? Oh, fuck. How? He was smuggling milk duds into prison. Milk duds? Yeah. Oh, my God. That's a fucking weird one.

Man needs to eat some milk duds, man. How was he smuggling them? Well, he did a body search, and they couldn't find any more, so I don't know if they were in there and got out or... It must have been up his arse. Milk duds. You would never know. It was just like little rabbit droppings. That's a sick fucker. He was throwing them up his ass and taking them out.

I don't know if it was for sure, but... Well, where else would he have them, Ricky? Maybe his lawyer... They would melt anyway, wouldn't they? Let's just pretend that creepy fuck did that. He was eating milk duds out of his ass. Let's just, that's what he did. Yeah.

What a fucking loser. Melted ones. Melted shitty old milk duds. Are milk duds that good? I guess they are pretty good. They're not that good. They're not great, man. I could think of other things like smuggling.

Oh, if you're going to smuggle something out of your ass, like fucking a paintball. Something that doesn't melt, first of all. Maybe some nice pistachios, still in the shell. Yeah, chocolate covered, man. No, still in the shell, and then you pop them out, and they're, you know, the actual part you're going to eat has not touched your rectum in any way.

This was a good business plan, too. This dentist in wisconsin he was intentionally damaging his patient's teeth so he could earn millions with crowns oh what a dirty motherfucker i know smart dirty bastard who the fuck's gonna question their dentist man using drills to fuck over teeth and then he'd show them these fake x-rays say these are your teeth they're fucked you need you need crowns. And they're like, holy fuck, those are my teeth. Ah, that dirty bastard. He's a dirty bastard. $4.2 million

he builds insurance companies in four years. I could be a dirty bastard for $4.2 million. I could be a dentist. Totally. That's fucking terrible. Sam Losko, when he was the denture king, he was running a similar type of scam. It's a fucking pretty smart scam. It's terrible.

You can't fuck people's teeth up on purpose. Yeah, it is. I mean, they would still end up probably with lovely teeth at the end, but still. Greasy, but brilliant all in the same fucking, you know. Greasy. It is greasy. An organ. They got to respect the guy a little bit. Totally, man.

But I feel bad for the people whose teeth got fucked over. Ah, fuck. They probably got them fixed. It's easy to fucking fix them after they've been fucked. There's nothing wrong with their fucking teeth. This was brilliant, too. These two Indian medical students in Indore, Gandhi Memorial College. They got busted for surgically implanted Bluetooth speakers in their ears to cheat on the entrance exam.

Jesus, that's pretty. That's fucking, I could have got 90s in school. Nah, you could have got 100, Becky, if you had Bluetooth in your ears. That's, man, fuck people are smart. Who was giving them the Bluetooth? Who was feeding them the lines, though? Somebody with a cell phone.

They had little microphones, they're like, yeah, so here's the question. What's the fucking thing called that goes in your heart and then down your leg? Made it here. They were trying to become doctors, right? Yeah, which is kind of scary. Who the fuck wants a doctor that's doing that? It was his 11th time trying to get in.

It was his last chance. That's why he did it. Like, what kind of a fucking doctor is he going to be? I don't want him operating on me. Don't fucking. He shouldn't be a doctor. No, doctors have to at least know what the fuck they're talking about to some degree. Well, the thing is, if you get, like, 70% on your exams,

I don't want a doctor that only knows 70% of what the fuck they're talking about. But, you know what? If he left the Bluetooth in there and he's doing heart surgery, he could just watch a YouTube tutorial. Again, Bubz. You know? You don't, you want some of the nose- Oh, you can do anything, watch YouTube.

You can't fix anything for me. I believe you. I'm with you. March the 25th already. Google, go on YouTube and look up how to repair an aorta. See if it's in there. Okay. Let's see who got born on March the 25th.

Jack Ruby. Fuck Jack Ruby, dirty bastard. Yeah, he killed... We'll never know the truth because of him. No. James A. Lovell Jr., American astronaut. Do you know him? Oh, Jim Lovell. How's that?

Yes. Vladimir Klitschko Vladimir Klitschko. Klitschko. He's over fighting with the Ukrainians. He's a boxer, but he's not fucking around. He's killing Russians, man. He's a big bastard. Howard Cosell, man.

Do your best impression. Let's go. This is Howard Cosell. Not bad. Oh, that skier just went right off the thing and snapped his fucking leg like a twig. Danica Patrick there, Julian. Hotsy totsy, you know what? You can fix a fucking...

Hotsy totsy? Yeah, Danica, she's hot as balls. Open, it's a fucking aortic aneurysm. You can repair it on YouTube. Yeah, I told you. Really? You can repair anything, man. Yeah, I told you.

You could do open heart surgery. I could do it watching YouTube. Do you know who Tom Wilson is? Yeah, Junkos. He was born today. Tom Wilson played on the first recording of one of my songs. Oh, just wait. Oh.

No, no, no. Is that a snake fart? He's gonna do it. Uh-oh. No, I got like a... Got like a jabber. Got a jabber in my... Aretha Franklin.

She was good. R-E-S-P-C-T. Fucking great. This is crazy. The music people. Elton John. Reginald Kenneth Dwight. Cheers to you.

Fucking Elton. Don't let your son go. Almost done. I got to go get our money back. What are you singing? Don't let what? Don't let the what? He said, don't let your son.

No, did I? You said, don't let your son. I meant, well, no, don't let the son. Go down on me? That's the lyrics. That was from a parody. It's don't let the son, Ricky, not your son. Jesus.

Buffs, receipt. I need, let's take care of this shit before they forget. Jeff Healy. All right. Fuck, I missed that. Awesome cunt. Jeff Healy, yeah. Yeah, he was a good old cunt, wasn't he? We met him a couple times. He was awesome. Fucking talented. He was. All right. Fuck, I missed that. Awesome cunt. Gaff Healy, yeah. Yeah, he was a good old cunt, wasn't he?

We met him a couple times. He was awesome. Fucking talented. He was in Roadhouse, your favorite movie. It's not my favorite fucking movie. One of them. By far. Roadhouse is your favorite movie.

It's not. Two of your top men. No. They're not my top fucking men. Two of your top fantasies. Holy fuck, boys. Fantasy band camp. Not that you wanna bang them, but you your top fantasies. Holy fuck, boys. Fantasy band camp. Not that you want to bang them, but you'd like to be them.

No, man. I don't want to be any of them. Swayze. No. Elliot. No. Elliot's cooler than Swayze, by the way. He was cool.

Think of the amount of hours you spent in front of the mirror trying to be Patrick Swayze. Dancing. Oh, Paul Michael Glazer, to be Patrick Swayze. Dancing. Oh, Paul Michael Glazer, the Starsky and Hutch fella. Yeah. And Sarah Jessica Parker. Yes or no? Hmm. Sarah Jessica Parker?

She annoys the fuck out of me. Why? I don't know why, man. I don't know. She's fantastic. I don't know. So it's on the fence, annoying, yes. Annoying annoying, yes.

Annoying, but yes. I love Sarah Jessica Parker. Do you? Yes. She's fantastic. Why? What's your obsession with her? I'm not obsessed, but I think she's great.

She's funny. Okay. Is she? Good-looking lady. All right. Smart lady. Funny as hell. Good actress. What's wrong?

Did you watch that show she was in? What's it called? Sex and the City. Yeah. Was that a big show of yours?'s wrong? Did you watch that show she was in? What's it called? Sex and the City. Yeah, was that a big show of yours? No, I didn't enjoy that show. Dude, there's no way you can be a huge fan of her and not be a fan of that show. You're lying.

What else has she done? Lots. Yeah, you just got to watch it. She did Michael Broderick. Michael Broderick. Did she? Matthew Broderick. Oh, yeah. He was she? Ferris... Matthew Broderick. Oh, yeah.

He was in the Ferris movie. Ferris Wheelers Day. Boys, I gotta go. All right. I'm done. Let's just end this. Okay. Let's end it with...

Oh, fuck. There's all my sauce. You found her, didn't you, Ricky? Yeah, what the fuck around that was? Dig in. See how much you can fit in your mouth as a nice way to say goodbye. Mmm! Do a fist pump.

How do you do that? Oh, I got it. Alright. Nice.