Trailer Park Boys Presents: Park After Dark - Episode 44 - Fart-Powered Barbecue

Episode Date: June 3, 2016

The TPB Podcast comes to you from outside Bubbles' shed in Sunnyvale Trailer Park! The Boys discuss laser nipples, orgasm by eggplant, wild camels and how to make a mule, and Ricky ponders a new invention! Episode 44 is brought to you by the Official Trailer Park Boys Store, and Liquormen's Ol' Dirty Canadian Whisky!    

It's a nice fucking day, boys. It's good to be doing these fucking podcasts here at home instead of that fucking place. It's a fucking nice day here in Sunnyvale. Very nice. What is this stuff? It's just a little Afghani. It's fucking nice. day here in Sunnyvale. Very nice. What is this stuff? It's just a little Afghani. It's fucking nice. Yeah, it is nice. Alright, we ready to do this or what?

Where did you get this fucking thing now? It's from the merch store. That's got me on it. Yeah? We're selling merch with us on it. That's what merch is, bubs. Yeah, but usually you get paid, don't you? Usually you get paid. Can we just start the fucking podcast? I fucking drew this picture.

Now it's on a fucking coffee mug. It's a fucking picture. People will buy that shit. All right, this is official Trailer Prep Boys podcast coming at you. I don't know what fucking episode this is. 87. No, it's in the 40s, isn't it? 48?

43 or 44. It doesn't matter. It's 43 or 44. It doesn't matter. It's 43 or 44 is one of them. We're here in Sunnyvale. In fucking Sunnyvale. Yes, sir. Right in front of my shed. Right where I like to be.

My favorite spot. Did you get that leak fixed or what? Did you do a bit of roofing? Yes, I got the fucking leak fixed. New shingles, man. Your mama needs new shingles. Mama's got shingles. That's not very nice, man. All right, so what do you guys want to talk about today?

We could talk about what a dick you are. Yeah. All right. You warm? If you want to. Well, no, I actually feel nice and comfortable right now. All right. Where'd you get the actually feel nice and comfortable right now. All right. Where'd you get the ladies bracelet? I bought it.

I'm making a bit of cash. It's not a ladies bracelet. That's gold, man. That is a ladies bracelet. That's 14-fucking-karat gold right there. And so is this. Yeah, 14-karat gold formed into a ladies bracelet. Yeah, you could have a nice man's watch like this.

A man's watch? Ricky, where the fuck did you get that? A dollar store. That's what I bought with some of the money I've been making, buddy. Ricky, where did you get it? You didn't buy that. Those are fucking almost diamonds there. See, that's what makes it greasy, man. It's almost diamonds. People know you don't have money, so you're just wearing around a fucking one-dollar watch.

Look at the way it just sparkles everywhere. See, it's bouncing off all that trailer over there. It's not bouncing off the trailer. What the fuck are you talking about? You don't have a fucking laser beam watch, Ricky. Laser diamonds. Those aren't laser diamonds.

Laser diamonds and laser nipples. Cubic zirconians, man. Fucking crazy. Worth a shit. Frame. Does it even work? What are laser nipples? Just nipples that like to come up and poke out and say hi. Cut glass with them.

Is that what yours do? Your nipples come up and poke out and say hi? Sometimes when it's cold or fabric runs on, rubs on them a certain way or... Rub rub rubs on them? Maybe a lady might be licking them. Laser. Laser. Who's l on them? Maybe a lady might be licking them. Laser. Who's licking them?

Different ladies. Different ladies. Actually, it happened one time I was sleeping in the ship and one of your cats was licking them. Laser nipples. Yeah, that was... All right, can we get into some... That was Grumpy Jones. He loves nipples.

Can we get into some cool shit, like some stuff to talk about other than laser nipples and shitty watches? Well, he's talking about Grumpy Jones. Getting at his nipples. Was he getting right on them? He's got no teeth anymore. He's got no teeth anymore, so he likes to, you know, chew on things. What the fuck happens to a cat's teeth?

Well, they get older. Their teeth fall out just like a regular person. Is he eating rocks, or...? No, he was just... he was 21 years old, Ricky. His teeth are bound to... But cat's teeth aren't like our teeth, because we don't... I mean, cats don't... you don't see them with toothbrushes, right? No, they don't...

So they must have made out of something better than ours. Well, that's a whole different topic, Ricky. Where's the, where's our food? I thought we were gonna have burgers and fucking all kinds of- There's a box of burgers in my shed. They just dropped them off. Before you got here, there was some, there was a lot more food than this. There's a box of brand new burgers sitting in my shed. They just dropped them off. No, there's not, Babs. Are you shitting me?

No, go grab them. They're right there. You go grab them. For fuck's sake, fucking starving. For those of you who can't see what's happening right now, Julian has got up and walked to my shed. Not realizing that we ate all the burgers before he got here. No, he didn't. There's a whole box of them right there. Holy fuck, boys. We've got a shit ton of food here.

That's another box. I didn't see that. Burger cocksucker. We've Got fries. How many fucking fries do you think people are going to eat, man? There's like

eight orders there. I didn't fucking order them. I didn't order them. Pretty fucking stuck. You want a burger? I already had six, but I guess I can try. I don't know.

Burger, man. What the fuck is this? It's a burger. Ah, chicken. Wait a second. Did you do some kind of a greasy deal with them, why are you promoting them?

I haven't had any chicken today. I'm not promoting them, I said burger cocksucker. People can figure out what burger cocksucker means. This is my third fucking food group of the day. What's that? I already had hamburger, this is chicken. Just have some fish, what's the other one? I got a hamburger, this is chicken. Just have some fish.

What's the other one? Hamburger, chicken, fish, and... Fuck. It'll come to me. What do you think those are, Ricky? The food groups? Yeah, man. You're supposed to have some of each of them every day.

Hamburger? Well, just meat burger. Or meat. Meat. Chicken. Meat, chicken, fish, and... Tofu. What's that? That spongy stuff.

You don't eat sponges, pups. It's definitely not a fucking food group. Shrimp, Ricky. Shrimp's another food group. No, shrimp's a fish. It's not a fish. It's a crustacean. Don't spoil this. That's the other food group?

I think so. Seafood. No, because fish is a seafood. I don't know. It's going to come to me, though, Gus. Reptile. We're just flying here, boys. We're just flying. Could be reptile. Reptile? How many reptiles have you eaten, Ricky? None, but I hear that alligators are pretty tasty.

Check this out, boys. I was reading up on this dude. I know, Ricky, you've always been saying that, you know... You're reading up on a nude dude? No. Oh. I didn't say... There's this dude. I know, Ricky, you've always been saying that, you know. You're reading up on a nude dude? No. Oh. I'm saying, there's this dude over in India, okay? You've been always saying that you wanted to go up to fucking Toronto,

become a street person, make money. Yes. Uh-huh. There's a guy in India. Nice. Who got in an accident. He got all fucked up. This guy, I mean, this guy was going to go become an engineer, right?

But he got fucked up, so then he started begging. So now. What happened to my beard this motherfucker he's got like 7,500 bucks in four bank accounts and he's got 185,000 dollars in property holy see and he's loaning money out he's still fucking begging I fucking knew it's brilliant man well I should do it next thing you know I'll own half the fucking park and... sports cars, horses... start running some fucking high-end hookers. The thing is, you'd have to move to India.

Oh, you can't? Well, Toronto. Is that what you would buy, Ricky, if you became rich? Sports cars and horses? And hookers? They're worth the most money. Then if you ever fucking get broke, sell them. Or you run out of ladies. That goes for anything, Ricky.

It doesn't need to be a sports car or a horse. Sports car is one of the worst things you can invest in. No, that's cool. That guy's got some fucking nice stereo equipment. Boats are the worst thing you can invest in, man. Unless you're using them to make a living. You know what I mean? Running drugs, you mean? Well, yeah. There's lots of ways you can make money invest in, man. Unless you're using them to make a living. You know what I mean? Running drugs, you mean?

Well, yeah. There's lots of ways you can make money out there, man. Go fast, bud. I've heard of those. A man... Oh, God, here we go. ...was filmed pleasuring himself... I knew it. ...at Aubergine on public transport.

I knew as soon as you said, man, it was going to go to fucking something to do with his cock. No, it's got nothing to do with his cock. Well, every time you say something, it has something to do with his cock. No, it's got nothing to do with his cock. Well, every time you say something, it has something to do with a cock. No, it doesn't. Yes, it does, man. Oh, I think I'll tell the people just to wind it back there. You said pleasure in himself.

How does that not involve his cock? Can you rub your nipples fast enough that you can achieve it? It's laser nipples, man. Or no? I was handed this. I don't know what this is. I've heard there's different ways you can do it if you... Pleasure himself with an aubergine.

What the fuck is an aubergine? It's a city in England, I think, isn't it? Well, Ricky, he wouldn't be... Pleasure himself with a city. Oh, my Jesus, it's an eggplant, and he's got it rammed right in his arse. What? It's an eggplant.

So that's, is that true, though, you can have an orgasm just by something going in there? I don't know. We're not talking about an eggplant. You said he pleasured himself, and if it's in his anus, then there might be something to that. Well, he could be diddling himself as he's doing that. Boys, all I did was bring up the topic. Yeah, a guy pleasured himself. No, you brought it up,

then instantly goes to Cox. Now you guys are getting into details about... You just said he rammed a fucking egg. He just said a man rammed a fucking eggplant in his ass. That's pretty fucking picturesque detail. It's always people ramming things in their asses with you, bubs. How many times have you done stories about... None.

Bullshit. None. I'll have to rewind the tape then, everybody. For another podcast. All right, so... You just shut up and eat your fucking burger. Nice. You should go fuck yourself.

Hey, guys, settle down now. Why don't you go fuck yourself with an aubergine? Oh, yes. You'd probably like to watch. The person on the video was identified to be Julian from the Sunnyvale trailer park. Bubbles was right there watching it. He didn't love himself. Nope.

Closing yourself in other ways. Nope. Don't talk with your mouth full of cock. No, don't talk with your mouth full of cock. Drunk man strips naked in supermarket and poops on self-service checkout counter. Here we go again. Okay, no, that's not sexual, I guess. Well, it's about shitting. This guy took a poop at the...

So this is a naked man again. There's a fucking theme here. Well, they just, they hand me these. You think I'd go on the fucking internet? Well, maybe you should check out your fucking search history. I checked your search history. The first one was ass grease. Nope.

What was that about, Ricky? No idea what you're talking about. You searched ass grease. Nope. I actually gave the laptop to Julian last night. See, he has it right now. Why do you have, why are you searching ass grease? I'm not searching ass grease.

And you were talking about it being sore. You're looking for something to put on it like a... I wasn't talking about my ass being sore. You were, I remember that. No, I wasn't. Some kind of a balm? You were putting tiger balm or something on there. Yeah, tiger balm. Did you read this one, Ricky?

Canuck the Crawl flies off with knife from crime scene in Vancouver. Yeah. I think we talked about him, didn't we? Did we? I don't know. It's a fucking brilliant guy. He fucking gets a baby pet crow, trains it his whole fucking life to pick up knives. Maybe he has a dummy.

He goes over and stabs it, throws the knife, and then he fucking trains the crow to come in, grab it, pick it up. No evidence. Now, that's a premeditated murder right there. That's like a, that's the best. Smart. That's just, I don't believe it. I don't think they got trained.

Well, that is a fucking terrible idea. Well, you don't want to kill anybody. The whole future depends on a crow and whether you trained him well enough. I'd like to steal that crow and fucking have him for my own, though. Instead of knives, picking up knives, like picking up my dope. Cop pulls you over, fucking takes the dope out of your pocket, puts it on the hood of the car. Fucking crowy. McJones swoops down, grabs it.

No evidence. I wonder how much a fucking crow like that would cost. I don't think you can even buy them, man. I think you just gotta go capture them. I'm not a crook for that. Huh? You couldn't just buy a crow, man. At the pet store, Ricky. You ever heard, you ever a crow that could swoop down and take my drugs when the police

have me? You could probably find a place that would import one for you, though. From one of the crore, crore countries where it's not illegal to, to buy a crow. A croower country. Ricky, man. They're all over fucking North America and all over the place. Croatia.

Grower of crows. They don't grow crows, man. A crow ate ya. That was a good one, Ricky. A crow ate you. Get it? Yeah, I get it. Get it?

I just don't find it funny, man. I do. And I'm big right now. Crow ate you. Ah, yeah. Nice one, Ricky. Thanks, bubs. Crow ate you.

Okay. Anything with not un-nude men? No. So the guy's shit on a fucking... I don't know, Ricky. Let's not even talk about that one. I found this guy who has a rare genetic condition. He's 53.

He can run for 350 miles straight without stopping. Bullshit. Swear to fuck, man. 350 miles? He can go. And the only reason why he stopped, man. A car can't even do that. 350 miles. He just, he can go. And the only reason why he stopped is because he was falling asleep as he was running.

And he kept going. It was like on autopilot. No, you've heard that in the inquiry. No, man. No, no, no. It's this dude right here. How's that? A car can't do that.

If a car can't do it, a man can't do it. He's going to need it. A car's a machine. A car can fucking... What do you mean a car can't go 350 miles? Not with a fucking fuel. Body's the same way.

I mean, you don't eat gas, but you eat stuff that turns into gas. That's why you're fat. Ricky. In this condition, he doesn't build up like lactic acid, so his muscles don't get sore. They just keep fucking going.

It's pretty weird. That would be good. But does he eat while he's jogging? He must need to put something into his body, you know? You know, I just want to back up here a second now. What? You know that gas that goes in a car is different than gas you get from eating, right? Yeah, I know, I know, because you eat food.

Like, if I eat this, it takes anywhere from a few hours to maybe 20 hours, and that's going to be turned into, well, what's in here, but also gas. But you know that's not the gas that goes in a car, right? I don't know. It burns. It lights on fire, the same as the gas you would put in a car lights on fire. Well, it's different because liquid gas goes in a car. This is gas gas that comes out of you because it's not liquid.

But you light it, and it does light on fire. Okay, this is yes or no answer here, Ricky. Do you have fucking chicken burgers or cheeseburgers or any kind of food in your gas tank right now? Yes or no? By gas tank, do you mean my stomach? No, your vehicle. No, no, my car would not fucking be able to eat a chicken sandwich. It doesn't have things that will break it down and turn it into fucking gas like I do.

My car eats fucking liquid gas. It eats it. I wish you could fart into your tank and fill it up. It'd be a lot cheaper, but... Have you tried that? No, but now that I think about it, I am going to fucking try. I could be on to something there. You're not, Ricky. You'd need a car that burns methane, but now that I think about it, I am gonna fucking try. I could be onto something there. You're not, Ricky. You'd need a car that burns methane, for fuck's sakes.

You'd need a cap that was self-sealing so that when the gas went in, it'd immediately seal, it wouldn't come back out. Like a propane tank that way. It may not work on the car, but I bet it would work for a fucking propane barbecue. Take you a fucking few weeks to get enough pressure built up. So, fuck. So, Ricky, if you were able to do that, would you cook burgers on fart gas?

I never thought of that. Would it change the flavor? I would think so. That would be, yeah, I never thought, I never thought if you put a metal plate On top of the burner like a metal sheet so that the fart smell wouldn't come up But the heat still came up maybe might work I'm gonna come up with something you watch Okay, I that's any beans and broccoli and water for three weeks

Let's put a pin in that, and Ricky's gonna... We'll check in in a few weeks and see how you're doing... with your broccoli, bean, water diet. Fuck, I love crunchy chips. Wow, man. There's a guy that tied up his camel out in the desert, right? And just left him out there all day. He tied up a candle?

A camel. He got back, untied the fucking rope. The camel bit his head off. I mean, I probably shouldn't be laughing at that. No, he deserved it, man. I wasn't expecting that. He bit his head off, and then he just, like, started taking big chunks out of his body.

Jesus, creak me. Good for the camel, I guess, but. Oh, and then the villagers, there's 25, and they struggled for six hours to get the fucking thing under control. So they didn't even, why didn't they just kill it, I guess? I don't know, man. Why would they? An eye for a guy. Why?

Eye for a guy. What? Eye for a guy. Fucking killed him. Eye for a guy. That's not the saying, Ricky. Eye for a guy, is it? Eye for an eye. Yeah, that's it. And then there's a camel in America that fucking, he started biting and kicking a man.

And then fucking sat on him, smothered him to death. That's fucking hard. That camel's got a big fucking mouth. Oh, man, you don't want to fuck with a camel. Camels have huge mouths, Ricky. They can eat whole coconuts. I didn't think they had teeth, though. They don't eat whole coconuts.

Are you fucking kidding me? Camels can eat whole coconuts. They eat them like M&Ms. I thought a camel was a toothless animal, just all gums. No, Ricky, that's why they say teeth like a camel. Do they? Yeah. Teeth like a camel.

I'll have to remember that one. Was she good looking? Yeah, she was, but she had teeth like a camel. You've never heard that before? She had an awfully nice camel. Yeah, I've heard that. Well, maybe that's what it is. It's not a...

It totally is. Camel hoof. What does that mean, anyway? I never understood that. She's got a nice camel. It's like moose knuckles. Did you ever hear that one? You mean the...

It's like that, yeah. The danglers? The danglers. The beef curtains. Is that what they're called? They could be called that. Beef curtains? I don't know.

I thought I heard that at one point, but... That's normal to us. Well, fucking violent camels. Who would have thought? Little fuckers. Next time one spits on me before I punch in the head, which I did last time, I'm going to think twice about it. Little cocksucker.

When did you punch a camel? That was fucking 10 or 15 years ago now. I was down going to the zoo. Trinity was younger then, taking her. This little cocksucking camel spits on me. So I fucking jumped the fence and just started wailing on it. But if I'd known about them eating people's heads off and shit, I would have thought three times about it.

Ricky, that wasn't a camel. That was a donkey. Was it? Yeah, that was a teenage donkey. Yeah, it didn't have humps, but... You beat the piss out of that donkey. Well, this donkey bit your heads off, so I was safe. He kicked the living shit out of you, I bet, though.

Yeah. Is that what it... No, that's a... Mule. Mule? Yeah, that's a mule. Okay. What's the difference between a donkey and a mule?

Number of legs. No. One looks like your mother, and the other one looks like his mother. Number of legs. Yeah, no, that's a different thing altogether. A donkey is made from a horse

and a cow? A horse and a cow, man. Yeah. No. A mule, okay, no, it's a mule is between a... A donkey fucks a... Fool?

A what? A baby horse. And it turns into a donkey. Or a mule. Fuck, boys, I don't remember. Just tell me what it is. I've learned it before. A donkey's made from a horse and a cow.

Right. And then that donkey... Fucked a baby horse and makes a mule? Yeah, you got it, Ricky. That's exactly right. Perfect. People fucking say I'm not smart. They fuck themselves.

Got anything else for me? I don't know, man. It's hard to fucking see this screen. I can't even fucking believe that my picture's on this, and I'm not seeing one fucking cent. It's a terrible picture. You're going to get some money eventually. I'm still working it out, okay?

I do love that Cyrus is riding a big, giant cock horse. The Republic of Moldova. They've got the highest liquor consumption out of any place in the entire fucking world. I want to go there. That tennis player was from there, wasn't she? Which one? Martina Malatova with the nice breastage. What?

Martina Navitrilova? Is that her name? I don't know. It's not Maltova, man. Okay, sorry. The Prince of Maltova what? What did... I don't even know what you said. All I heard was Maltova. You got it baked out of your goddamn mind. Oh, shit.

Yes. I just don't... I don't even want to look at it. I don't want to read it. Just tell me it one more time. I'm ready. I'm going to eat my chicken and I'm going to listen. I'm done, man.

I'm totally done. I don't even know what I was talking about. I don't even know what I was talking about. I don't even know what I was talking about. I don't even know what I was talking about. I don't even know what I was talking about. I don't even know what I was talking about. I don't even know what I was talking about. I don't even want to look I don't want to just tell me if one more time I'm ready. I'm gonna eat my chicken. I'm gonna listen All right, I'm done man. I'm totally done. I don't even know what I was talking about I thought you said something with the Prince of Malta. Oh, I said there's a place called the Republic of Malta Oh, wow, so that's all we learn

They drink the most booze out of anybody in the world bull small fucking place. Yeah. Well, yeah, they're saying it's like 14 liters a year. That's not a lot. 14 liters a year? A straight alcohol. We drink, fuck, 14 liters. That's it, man. On average. On average.

In a year. Yeah. Fuck. At least a couple liters a week for me. They say it's like 13 or something. 13 or 14 liters. A year? Yeah.

That can't be right. No, 10. I'd like them to find... I'd crank down 14 liters in a month. Just do Nova Scotia. I bet it would be, yeah, at least 14 liters a month. Oh, it's way more than that. I mean, is that hard liquor or is that beer?

If it's beer, it'd be fucking 800 liters a year. I don't fucking know, man. I don't want to. This seems, this is too much work right now. Boys, I got to go feed my kitties. I got to go feed the geese. Where are the geese? You don't got to tell us that, man.

Well, boys, you don't just walk away. You got to say goodbye. Okay, talk about the sponsors walk away. You gotta say goodbye. Okay, talk about the sponsors at least for me, bubs. I'm not... You expect me to sit here and talk about... Holy fuck, I think I was asking you to do something difficult. All right, today's podcast was sponsored by... This tomato.

Yeah, and our merchandise company, or the Trailer Park Boy One, it's, what is it? Trailer... Slash dash or dash voice dash dot dot backstreetmerch.com. Fucking brilliant name, Julian. I must say. I didn't come up with the name. It just flies off your fucking tongue every time. Chipper's going to put it up anyway. what the fuck are you doing here lady Jesus Christ

merchandising are you boys no nothing to see here bud just minding our own business actually I hear there's a little uh little freebie going on today. A little what? Freebie. Cheers, boys. You owe me five bucks. And I'm getting it. I'll deduct it from your life fees. You're looking real pretty, boys. That's a weird thing to say.

All right, now I'm going. Yeah, me too. What's up, dude? Can I come hang out with you? Fucking Jesus. Are you fucking kidding me? I got shit to do today. OK. Later, man.

Tune in next time when something cool happens. Редактор субтитров А.Семкин Корректор А.Егорова