Trailer Park Boys Presents: Park After Dark - Episode 45 - Bobby Farrelly and the Loadmaster

Episode Date: June 9, 2016

The f**ked mind behind "Dumb and Dumber" and "There's Something about Mary" is in Sunnyvale!! The Boys chat with comedy legend Bobby Farrelly about pigman cocks, roller skates, and Bubbles’ GREASY reason to visit the produce section! Episode 45 is brought to you by the Official Trailer Park Boys Store, and Liquormen's Ol' Dirty Canadian Whisky!    

Most people don't realize Orville Redenbacher's original name was Orville Redencocker, but he couldn't use it. Well, that would have been embarrassing. He couldn't use it on the packaging. Are you for real? It wasn't... that's not true. Orville Redencocker. That's not true. Orville Red and Cocker. That's not true, boss. He came from a long line of Red and Cockers. The Newport Red and Cockers?

I believe they were... From Newport. The Newport Red and Cockers were part of that. You guys are fucked. When are we starting, guys? Do you want a burger? I think we already did. Just chicken.

There's lots of burgers, Bobby. I believe we started. I think we're going. You want to start us? We're going. All right, this is the Trailer Perk Boys podcast. Coming at you right now. This is episode... 45. 45.

It doesn't really matter what fucking episode it is. It does, because people like to go along chronologically. And if you get it fucked up, you could upset somebody. But it already says that, man. When you click onto it. Yeah, but you know like the guy at the baseball game who's keeping score or what just happened? That's right.

There's always one of those out there. Train spotter. Yes, there's one of those guys. So it's for that guy that you say it's 45. We have a very, very special fucking guest with us today. Yes, we do. Well, Ricky, you're supposed to keep going and introduce him. Why don't one of you guys continue it off?

You want me to brag about myself from here? Yes. Could you do that? Could you do that? How do you pronounce your name? Because people say it two ways. It's Bobby. No, I meant the last name. Jesus, Bobby. Farrelly.

Farrelly. Like Sara Lee? You know the Sara Lee cakes? You know Sara Lee? Sara Lee. Because I've heard people say, you know, Farrelly, Fairley, Farrelly. I've heard them all. I got Farrelly, Farrelly.

I got all sorts of stuff, but it's Farrelly. Yeah, Farrelly. I got a brother, Peter. He's not with us today, but he's a Farrelly, too. He's one, too. And you guys have made a couple movies in your day. We have. You've made a couple of fucking doozies. More than a couple movies in your day. We have. You've made a couple of fucking doozies, more than a couple of doozies.

Fucking right. All the movies that I've actually, you know sometimes Ricky when I get laughing and I actually piss myself? His movies. Oh no. Everyone's doing. Yeah, there's been some really fucking good ones. Do you have a favorite movie that you would say, that's my favorite movie I directed? You know, the first one we did was Dumb and Dumber, and that was a lot of fun because we had Jim Carrey.

That was the first one? That was the first one. Holy shit. First one. Strong out of the gate there. That was a fucking funny movie. I hate to point out that we've been going downhill from there, but yeah, it was a good rookie season. What was it like working with Harry and Lloyd?

They weren't very smart. No, no. They remind me of some other guys, but they're really freaking funny and good guys. I know who you mean. Cory and Jacob. Cory and Jacob. So would you put that at the top of your list? No, I was going to say, even though as much fun

as that is, and then we made a sequel, of course, I think the most fun we ever had was when we made There's Something About Mary. Yeah, that was a fucking fun one, too.

Yeah, because it was just something about it. We were down in Miami. It was one winter. The weather was unbelievable. Cameron Diaz was popping. Ben Stiller. Yeah.

Matt Dillon. It was just something about it. It was so much fun. And it was so, you know, so much fun to be there. I like Cameron Diaz, believe me. I think she'd like you, too. What? Do you think so?

I do. I don't know about... Jesus, Murphy. Can you imagine if I ever went on a date with Cameron Diaz? Yeah. No, can you imagine it, though? No. No. No, I can imagine it though? No.

No. No, I can't. There's no way that's ever going to happen, Bugs. She won't burst your bubble. She got married. Oh, for fuck's sake. It was right there for a long, long time. She got married this past year.

Hey, with any luck, she'll have a terrible divorce and then she'll be back on the market. That happens all the time. If you did go on a date with her, you'd probably get stuff in her hair too because you'd be so excited right away. What's up with the load in the hair? I mean, that must have shocked the shit out of some people back then, right?

Yeah. There were some people pissed off going, holy fuck. No, people weren't pissed, but when we were making it, there were people like, you can't do that. You can't show that. That's ridiculous. No way to show it. And then when we showed it, people laughed so hard that I was like, you can't do that. You can't show that. That's ridiculous. You know, no way to show it. And then when we showed it,

people laughed so hard that I was like, well, there's no way you can cut it. Oh, yeah. That was a funny fucking scene. That was fucking awesome. Yeah.

That was fun stuff. I don't remember that part. Bugs, come on. I'm just fucking with you. I'm just fucking with you. That was a funny part. It was funny. I would have to say,

if I was going to say my fave one that you guys did, Kingpin. Go for it. Kingpin, thank you. Yeah, that was fun. Kingpin, I just thought was fantastic. You know, they're all fun, and that was fun, too, because we got to work with the great Bill Murray.

Bill Murray. Yeah. Bill would be great to get him up to Sunnyvale sometime. Holy fuck. You think he'd come to Sunnyvale? Bill does stuff. I can never speak for him what he would or wouldn't do, but he's game. But he's the most fun, because you don't know what he's going to do.

I like the end when they're in the finals there and his hair comes apart and she's up like, you know. Yeah. His hair's up like that. Yeah, that was funny. He looked like Sam Laskoff almost. He did look like Sam Squatch. The dude was cool in that. And the Jesus and Jonathan Goodman.

Oh, Ricky Dutz. The Jesus. Ricky Dutz, the big Lebowski. Yeah. The Coen brothers. Different brothers, Ricky. Big fucker. Huge fucker, yes.

Big fucker. It was a great movie. Do you know those guys? The Coen brothers? Did you and Peter ever square off with them and have like a... Big fuck up. Huge fuss over us. Big fuck up. It was a great move. Do you know those guys? The Coen brothers? Did you and Peter ever square off with them and have like a tag team death match or anything? No, but I'd like to. I'd like to get those guys in a steel cage match.

Would you? Yeah. If you take them? There's a challenge right there. Challenge is over. We could sell tickets to it though. Oh my God. That would be a huge event.

The Fairleigh brothers versus the Coen brothers in a sweaty death match. I think they're actually more mad at us than we are at them. We like them, but we've been taking credit for their movies for years. I love your stuff, I love Fargo. It's like, thanks man. Thank you, I worked hard on that one. Far to go, it was a good movie. Right, oh, thanks, man. Yeah. Thanks. Yeah, I worked hard on that one. Far to go.

It was a good movie. Right? Perfect. Thanks. It wasn't, Ricky. It's. You should not maybe talk so much about movies because you tend to get them all fucked up. The actors and the names and the directors.

Who knows everything about movies all of a sudden? I don't know everything about movies, but I. Trying to kiss up to Bobby. No, I'm not. Yeah? Just because I think he's, you know, the best director ever, Bobby. Yeah, do you think he's good looking? You said that earlier. I...

You did say that, Buzz. Not in a weird way. I just said, yeah, he's a handsome fella. That's all. Okay. Appreciate it. Well, thank you. Handsome fella yourself. Mm. Hey. You're some handsome, thank you. Handsome fella yourself.

Mm. Hey. You're some handsome fella, Ricky. Hmm. That's pretty cool, I guess. Yeah. What are you humming about? No, no, just the way you guys are talking to each other.

Yeah, this... Whatever. It's cool. There's nothing weird about it. Somebody's got a crush on somebody. There's nothing weird about it. Can I just, boys, can I just point something out here I found on the internet? Hmm. It depends. Which I think's important, can I just point something out here I found on the internet? It depends. Which I think is important.

As long as it doesn't get too crazy. Scientists have successfully created a half-pig, half-human embryo. Have I not said for years, once they figure out how to make a pig man, that's going to be the end of the world? No, they didn't create a man. What was it called? Well, it's an embryo, Ricky. So what are they going to do with it? I don't know.

I just always thought, once you see them creating pig men, that's going to be the end of her. But what is this here? What? Embryo. Yeah. That's like the thing, you know, when it starts, when the two... Well, it's half pig, half man. Yeah.

Does it say which half is which? Oh, fucking good question. I don't believe it does. I want to say what you perish. Would he have a pig penis or a man penis? Well,

I don't know, Ricky. Would he taste like bacon? Would he walk on four legs or two? Would he have a curly tail? That's a great question. Or a curly penis. If he was, you know,

it's very... A curly... Why would he have a curly penis? Well, because maybe the curly pigtail gene fused with the penis gene and now you got a... But a pig doesn't have a curly penis, does it? No, it's got a curly tail, though. No, wait, a pig does have a curly penis.

No, they don't. Yes, they do. Remember we saw that somewhere. I don't think, did we? Does it get stuck when it goes in there? We're gonna have to go to a farm and find out. Does he have to do like a helicopter to get out of there? You know. How would they masturbate?

With a corkscrew maybe. Yeah, that's a weird one. Doesn't a pig, I'm pretty sure a pig has a curly penis. They don't have curly penises, man. They do. You guys actually promised we weren't gonna talk about cocks or penises for this episode. I was't have curly penises, man. They do. You guys actually promised you weren't going to talk about cocks or penises for this episode. I was not the one that brought it up.

I was just saying there was a half-peg man. Would you hang out with a half-peg man? Depends which half. Like, first of all, could he talk? You know, I wouldn't understand him, though. I don't understand pigs, do you? That big girl. Oh.

You? That's interesting. Oh. You? That's interesting right there. You've met a few of those over the years, haven't you, Ricky? Nice one, bubs. That's better than getting nothing. Ooh. Yeah, I wouldn't know. Because that's not me. I'm not the guy that gets nothing.

Believe me. When's the last time you had something? No, because that's not me. I'm not the guy that gets nothing. Believe me. When's the last time you had something? I don't talk about that type of thing because I'm a gentleman. But believe me, I get her going. What, do you pay for it? No, I don't pay for it. So you just go out, you know, just grab some check and say, hey, do you want to get some shit going? I don't grab anybody. I go out and I just meet them, you know.

And you go on dates. At the supermarket. So you go from the supermarket to an apartment, you get it going, and then you leave. You don't see her again. No relationship. I just... You're into one-night stands.

I never said that. I just... Well, you basically... Yeah, you did say that. I go to the supermarket, and I go into the produce section. Oh, I see you're shopping for cucumbers there. All right.

And then what happens? What does that mean? And that usually starts conversation. When was the last time you made out with a girl or a woman? Have you ever had on a lady at the supermarket? I have not at the cucumber stand. No? No.

That's a weird place to hang out. It's really weird. Well, I don't mean I specifically wait around the cucumbers. I was just using an example. It could be onions or eggplants or anything. You know? That's some nice kale they got in today. And that gets it going.

That's a good ice cream. That gets them revved up. Kale looks fresh today. Look at that. So you squeeze shit when you're in the supermarket. You grab one and start squeezing. You just met her, you'll squeeze her. I know, I'm squeezing the kale. Look at that. Well, it looks like you're squeezing something else if you're down like that.

Like up like that. Oh my God. When was the last time you kissed or made out with a girl or a woman? Or, you know, like dipped your fingers or something? Are you talking, that's a weird question to ask our guest, Ricky. No. Terrible question to ask Bobby. Alright, we should... yeah. There must be something else we could talk about, I guess.

Oh, there was something... wasn't there something you didn't want to talk about? Let's talk about that. Nope. Ricky... What was there? What was it? Remember you said, don't talk about this? No. Was I drunk? It was dicks, wasn't it? Oh you said, don't talk about this?

No. Was I drunk? It was dicks, wasn't it? Oh, yeah. No. Yeah, we weren't supposed to talk about dicks or cocks or penis as you guys promised, but we are. What?

He brought it up. See that? No, there's nothing. I don't remember, bubs. Can you give me a hint? What the fuck did we smoke, Ricky? The joint actually... I don't know what it was, man. I had it. I rolled it.

Some kind of hash. It was from tea. Okay. It was called... Jesus, we gotta get focused here. It was called Nirvana or something. It's coming off the rails, guys. No, it's not.

Huh. Straight on the rails, baby. Are we good? Yeah, streamlined. You got any other news, Sam? Any news? What else you got? Let me just see. These were just handed to me. I don't know... What do you think of the shitty weather so far here in near Sunnyvale?

You guys get a little of everything here. But, you know, in Sunnyvale, outside, it seems like it's always sunny. But inside, you look out, sometimes it's raining. It's true. But if you go outside, it's sunny. It is weird how that works. It's not sunny here all the time. I mean, I wish it was.

No, it's just the name of the place. It doesn't mean that we're sunny all the fucking time, because it's been raining all week. But you would think it would mean that, right? It's pretty good weather for this part of Canada, though. Most of the time. Never snows. Not too often.

Sometimes. A little bit. Who gives a fuck? Okay. Who gives a fuck about the weather here? It doesn't matter. You're right, guys. You got it.

I'm just kind of zoned out on the weather. We had him at the produce section, feeling up girls, and we somehow got off the subject. On the weather? No, guys. You got it. I'm just kind of zoned out on the weather. We had him at the produce section, feeling up girls, and we somehow got off the subject. On the weather? No, no. We changed to the weather. A bunch of people sitting around talking about the weather. What's the weather like?

So you grew up where? Rhode Island? We grew up in Rhode Island, which is down in the wind. It's not too far. It's just down the coast. It's very similar. That's where you shot me, myself, and Darlene,

wasn't it? In Rhode Island? We did. That was a fucking funny movie, too. Thanks. Another Jim Carrey. It was Irene,

Ricky. Me, myself, and Irene, not Darlene. Hello? Yeah. What's that guy like, Jim Carrey? Is he just as crazy

as you think he is? I'd love to get him to Sunnyvale, too. Oh, man. Love to meet Jim Carrey? Is he just as crazy as you think he is? I'd love to get him to Sunnyvale too. Oh man, I'd love to meet Jim Carrey. You know he's super talented. I know he is. You don't know it, he can sing, he can play instruments. Oh I've been following Jim Carrey for years.

He's an artist. He can contort his face like nobody I've ever seen. Yeah, and the face stuff is unbelievable. He can move every muscle in his face. He used to do impressions. That's how he became famous. I know. I followed him.

His Clint Eastwood impression, you know, he'd make all the muscles in his face move, and then all of a sudden, boom, he looks like Clint Eastwood. Yeah, he'd like it here, though. He would like it here in Sunnyvale. What about Clint Eastwood? Would he like it here? Can he play hockey? Clint?

Yeah, he's... I don't know. I met Clint, though. He's good, man. Good guy. I you like it here? Can you play hockey? Clint? Yeah, he's... I don't know. I met Clint, though. He's a good man. Good guy. I'd like to meet him. He's in his 80s. He still kicked the crap out of all of us at once.

No, I don't know about that. I could take Clint. I wouldn't fuck with him. Well, not if he was in dirty hairy mode and had his big, you know, weapon out. Not his big weapon. You know what I mean. We know what you mean, weapon out. Not his big weapon. You know what I mean. That's what she said. Yeah.

You'd talk to him in the grocery store, wouldn't you? That's what you'd be doing. I wouldn't talk to Clint. I would talk to Clint Eastwood. Good-looking cucumber there, Mr. Eastwood. Yeah. No, boys, I wouldn't talk. I would talk to him just to be nice and say,

hey, I'm a big fan, but I wouldn't squeeze anything on the man. Would you tell him you think you can kick the shit out of him? No, I would lie. Lie through my teeth and say, I never said that, sir. Please don't beat me unmercifully. Probably what I'd say. So you still live in Rhode Island, or you're, no? Moved to California.

Nice. Yeah, there's a town out there, L.A. They do a lot of movies and stuff. That's where we went for a long time. Yeah. It's nice. The weather's nice. The weather's good.

Beautiful girls. Fun people. Good living. A little crowded. A little crowded. A little crowded. A little shaky on the ground sometimes. A couple earthquakes, yep.

A couple earthquakes get going there. So I lived there, but then I moved back to New England, and then I moved to outside of Boston. So that's where I live now. Cool. Nice. Outside of Boston. So you're a Bruins fan or no?

Bruins, yeah. No, Ricky, he's a Montreal fan. He could have been a fucking Islanders fan or Rangers fan. I don't know. No, Ricky, he lives in Boston. We have Rangers fan. I don't know. No, we have a rivalry. We don't like any New York teams. He's going to be a Boston fan. It doesn't work.

We're good buddies with your doppelganger. Who's that? Cam Neely. Oh, Cam Neely. Yeah. Cam Neely's been in a bunch of your movies. Yeah, he runs with the doppelgang. Oh, nice.

He's a good dude. He's a pretty good actor, too. He played Seabass. Yeah, he's Seab Doppelgang. Oh, nice. He's a good dude. He's a pretty good actor, too. He played Seabass. Yeah, he's Seabass. He played Seabass. That was Seabass. I didn't know that was Seabass. Seabass. That was Cam Neely. But there's a similarity, don't you think? Yeah, a little bit. Huh? I've never seen

you skate, but... Nah, he's way better than me, man. But there's a little bit. I'd arm wrestle him, though. I think you can take him there, but there's a... He's a skater, though. I'm not great. I do like hockey, though. He's a power forward.

Julian used to figure skate. He's got the white skates with the hex on the front. Why do you always... It's not true, Bob. You're a roller skate. Hey, we all... All of us have been on fucking roller skates. Yeah, we've been on them, but you're the one that had a membership

and used to go to the Friday night skates. Yeah, we didn't compete like you did. I didn't compete? Are you fucking kidding me? Jesus, boys. We didn't go to the Friday night skate-offs and stuff. We were doing moves. I wasn't moving, dancing around.

Dancing to disco music. Did you ever, like, win? No, I didn't. Any podiums? Okay, that's enough of that shit, Bob. I did not compete. I did never have I competed roller skating. You won second place for nicest outfit.

See, and the more I fucking say no, I didn't do it, the more guilty I look. Don't protest too much. See how it looks? You can't keep a straight face because you know it's true. All right, yeah, I fucking roller skate. I mean, I love it. I do it at around 2, 3 in the morning

when no one can see me. That's what you think. You guys are fucked. That's what you think. Have you ever roller skated, Bobby? Roller bladed. Yeah? Yeah.

That's a little more manly. Yeah, that's more manly, right? For sure. Boys, there's no competition. It's just, you know, you just do it to, you know, just go out there. Yeah, just for exercise more than showing off. Yeah. You have a street hockey game almost, you know.

And there's no dancing involved. There's very few, very little dancing. No, and there's no competing. Right. I'm talking about, you know, back... No more special outfits. Jesus Christ. There's no outfits.

I'm talking about back in the late 80s. Everybody had roller skates, not roller blades. Not everybody had them, just the people that were, you know, liked to put glitter on and fancy suits. You know, it's real nice of you guys to embarrass me in front of Bob. Huh? Real nice. Was it, like, tight pants or leggings? What was the... Bobby, go fuck yourself, all right?

I've never competed. I've never had... No, man. I'm trying to visualize it. Jesus Christ. This man's camel toe. I'll see if I can dig up a picture. Oh, yeah, okay.

I'll see if I can dig up a picture. But don't you get chipper fucking doing a Photoshop. No. A little glittery tutu on roller skates. I wouldn't. I'll see if I can dig up one of the pictures, one of Julian's pictures from his tight camel toe pants on. Oh, fuck off.

Ricky. Male camel toe. That's a moose knuckle. You guys are dicks. Moose knuckles. Thought I'd have a good time this one, but. So what are you doing these days? What do you got coming up?

You got any big, like, projects? I mean, you're here in Sunnyvale, pointing the cameras at us right now. No, it's nice to be up here with you guys this week. My brother Pete and I are taking that movie that we did, There's Something About Mary, and we're trying to turn it into a Broadway play. Oh, yeah?

A musical. Really? That's fucking sweet. That's what we're trying to do, yeah. I think you're fucking with us. Is that true? Oh, yeah. A lot of Really? That's fucking science. That's what we're trying to do, yeah. I think you're fucking with us. Well. Is that true? Oh, yeah.

A lot of the old movies have become musicals. How will you do the load and the hair scene? Well, I'll let you know when I figure it out. We'll have to have something. I would go see that if it was a musical. Firing off. You're going to say, I'll go and work that up for you. On the road with bubbles.

No, I wouldn't do that. We'll give you a credit at the end. They're going to use it. Thanks loads to bubbles. Loadman. The loadman. It's called a loadmaster. Like a prop master?

Loadmaster's actually the guy that secures the cargo into commercial airliners. Little known fact right there. Very interesting. Not really. Wow. Well, fuck you, Ricky. At least I brought some stuff. Do you know you can get 18-karat gold McNuggets at certain McDonald's now?

What the fuck are you talking about? Don't know. Just read it right there. You tell me what that says. I can't read it. I really don't give a fuck. I don't either. Somebody handed it to me. I thought I was supposed to read it. So you eat them or what? I don't understand. Oh, okay. They're giving, they're giving it away to somebody.

It's all a bunch of, they're actually. You might actually get a real hunk of gold in your nuggets. Yeah, a bunch of them. Like a nugget pack of little gold nuggets. So you just order nuggets and then randomly you open, holy fuck, I got the gold nuggets! Yeah. Yeah, it's to promote two new dipping sauces. I think that's dangerous. What if you swallowed it? What if you ate it?

That's right, what if they gave it to a blind person? And he was just feeling, oh, there's my nuggets. Pop her in. You might know from, it'd probably be a different weight. Would be, but maybe the blind person doesn't have any sense of feel either. Wow, that's fucking, that's a dense nugget there. No, but they might not have any muscle tone either.

Maybe because of their eyes. Okay. And then they pop her in, and next thing you know, they're choking on a golden nugget. They look pretty nice. I wonder they pop her in, next thing you know they're choking on a golden nugget. They look pretty nice. I wonder if they're healthy. Because the regular ones aren't too fucking healthy. Well...

Look at him, he's eating burgers and popcorn and french fries. Yeah, I guess I shouldn't be too fucking concerned, should I? No, Ricky, if you get the golden nugget, you let me know. Pepperoni going. But do you have the choice to eat it or to cash it in? Well, technically I think you have the choice to eat it if you wanted to, Ricky, but why would you? Because then you could shit gold. That'd be kind of cool. See how his brain works? Who wants to shit gold? It's like the goose that laid the golden egg.

No it's not. It's like you shitting gold that you swallowed. That's gone through your gastrointestinal system. It would be worth either more or less after that, but at least you could say you did it. First person in the world to shit gold. Scratch that one off the bucket list, huh? Yeah, but why is it on your bucket list that you want to shit gold? I'm so fucking rich, I'm shitting gold.

Or you could say, I'm so crazy, I swallowed a gold nugget just so I could shit it out. It might be a fucked idea. You're right. No, it is a fucked idea. There's no might about it.

All right, we got this. There's a murder victim's parents say parrot witnessed crime. The parrot? A parrot. The bird. The bird. It witnessed a crime, so. Why do they think it witnessed a crime?

I don't fucking know. Just because he's at. I heard that parrot's been singing like a canary. Yeah, he's been saying, don't fucking shoot. So, I mean, that's not going to go anywhere in court. He could have been watching, like, Murder, She Wrote or something. You know, just fucking started blurting out all the dialogue. I heard parrots are smart, though.

So he might be just fucking with people. He might know what happened. He's just giving them little pieces just to fuck with them. I bet you that bird's smarter than you. Nope. Absolutely, man. Do you have a bird? No.

I mean, I got... What? Bubs. That's a weird question, but of course he has a bird. Here we go again. I mean a bird, like a fucking parrot. Does he own any kind of bird? No, I don't have any birds. They live a long time, you know.

Yeah. You get a bird, it's a commitment. Some of these ones with the toucans and stuff, they can live 80, 90 years. I don't believe that's true, is it? Yeah, no, it's true. 80 years. Parrots usually fucking live longer than their owners, bud. Yeah, you got to figure out what to do with that thing when they lay you down.

I will. what to do with that thing when they lay you down. Put it in your will rest. Oh, Jesus, I mean, that'd be terrible to leave your parrot. Who's going to feed him? Well, that's why this guy's just fucking around. He's like, I'm going to just give you little bits and pieces so you keep me and feed me. I met a turtle one time.

It was 160. 160 in your pups? I met the turtle. They introduced me to him. Like a ninja turtle? No, like a turtle, Ricky. He was in a museum, but he was alive. And I went in and saw him and I said,

hey, this is Mr. Feckles. And I said, hey. So I mean, I technically met him. Did he say anything back to you? No, Ricky. He's a fucking turtle. Turtles don't talk, man. I'm just saying.

How'd you know it was 160? There was a sign that said it's his 160th birthday. His name was Mr. Pickles. Mr. Fickles, I think, or Pickles. Fickles. Fickles. Wow. Okay.

All right. We're glad that you met a fucking turtle, boss. That's exciting. Wow. I'm just saying. Fucking great. You never met a 160-year-old turtle. And I don't want to. I don't saying. Fucking great. You never met a 160 year old turtle? And I don't want to. I don't give a fuck about turtles. Fuck turtles.

I like turtles a lot. That turtle could have Alzheimer's by that age, you know? Yeah, there's fuck turtles. You know, it might have been lying about his age. How would you be able to tell if a turtle had Alzheimer's? Would he start misplacing his shell? How the fuck do you tell how old he is? Yeah, nobody alive, no human is 160.

So who was there to see when he was born? Yeah. Could be 260. That's a good number. It could be fucking 10. It could be full of shit. Unless when he was born, they took a record of it, and there's the record,

which is the way it goes with most historical documents. Why, they just painted a fucking number on his back? Yeah, who does this? Who grabs a turtle and says, Okay, this turtle's fucking two. Number seven. He's number seven. No, I'm just saying it could have been documented. Check the old hospital records, see if he was born 160 years ago.

Yeah, Bubbs, you're totally full of shit. They could have the records at the turtle hospital. You're totally full of shit, Bubbs. Don't they grow a new patch every year or new something every year? Turtles? Maybe that's a different animal. I think you're thinking of rattlesnakes. Maybe it is.

Little fuckers. Or maybe I'm thinking of trees that get the rings. Do turtles get rings? If you turn a turtle over, you can supposedly figure out how old it is by how many of those blocks it has on its belly. So there is something to what you're saying. Yeah, but see, Ricky, what you would do, you'd go and cut the fucking turtle in half and try to count his rings. Well, it grows back. No, it doesn't.

Turtles don't grow back if you cut them in half. I thought they were one of those animals that did that like a starfish. No, man. Okay. Lobsters. Lobsters. You know a little bit about lobsters now, right? I know a little bit about lobsters, yeah.

Claw will grow back, won't it? I think so. I don't know. I haven't had one long enough to, I don't know. I've never tested it. I might go do that. Rip his claw off. I know crabs do.

You can break off a fucking crab claw and it'll grow back. I used to have a pet lobster. No, you didn't. Yes, I did. Ready, remember? No, you didn't. Ready. Ready.

Ready, the lobster. R-E-D-D-Y, ready. That's fuckpost. He was red, but he was still alive. He was a rare. Usually they turn red when you cook them. He was red already, but he was alive. You ever notice that thing, if you cook lobsters, they always say, oh, they don't feel anything.

I don't believe that. They don't have a nervous system. But you hear them banging on the freaking pot turning it out of it when the water starts boiling. It's a fucking horrible way to go.

It's better to not listen to it. It's better to just come for dinner after it's all ready.

Yeah. You know? Yeah, that would ruin the meal for me. Yeah.

It would suck being in a big pot of boiling water for sure. Can you think,

Ricky? Man, this is fucked. Nothing you can do. I'm glad Reddy never

had to suffer that fate. What happened? I don't remember Reddy. Reddy got run over right out here on the road. Run over by a, like a Best Buy truck. I think it was. That was the end of him. Was he making a run for it or just going out for a walk?

No, I had him out for a walk, but I had one of those leashes where you can, you know, it gets out too far. Leash when it happened. He got out too far, and I didn't see it coming. The retractable ones, you must have fell asleep, because, I mean, they're so slow. They move just fast. No, he was on a skateboard, Ricky.

He used to pull himself along on a skateboard. No, he didn't. He did. I'm surprised you guys don't remember that. No, I don't remember that. You think we would, though. There's some dogs that'll do that, but not a fucking lobster. I remember the big skateboard I had, and then I put the lobster.

Reggie was on it. I remember you had it. On the leash, and he used to pull himself along with one arm. I don't remember that. Are you sure you didn't get that dreamt? No, Reggie, that was. I remember you had a chinchilla. I'll find a picture of him.

It's probably in a little box with all the pictures of Julian Rollerskating. Alright. Real funny. I'm gonna go look for those right now. Alright, I'm going. I've had enough of this. Alright, thanks, Bobby. Thank you very much, man.

It's been cool to be here, man. Good to be hanging out with you. Thanks for having me. And for coming, Bobby. Maybe we can- Scintillating conversation. I was gonna head down to the supermarket if you wanna come with me.

I'll tell you what, I wouldn't mind seeing the interaction down there. Let's go down, cruise some ladies. Yeah, the key members. You can take these, Bobby. Hopefully Clint Eastwood's not there. Thanks. No problem, man.

You don't fucking tug on his goddamn penis. All right, boys. All right. See you guys. Good to see you. How rude is that? Let's go, man. You just get out and leave. Huh?

Yeah, let's go to the supermarket. Yeah. What if I... Cruisin' ladies. There's gotta be a better chance of finding two than four anyway, right? Exactly. Thank you.