Trailer Park Boys Presents: Park After Dark - Episode 46 - Happy Sh*tty Friday

Episode Date: April 9, 2023

Trinity and Jacob are in the trailer for a Sunnyvale-style Easter celebration (and by that, we mean getting high on gummies!) They discuss how Mo is doing at school, banging on the moon, and why Julian's drink tastes like sh*t. Also: Death by hippo, and a toast to Sh*tty Bill!

Well, who wants to be the host this time? Why don't we have Trin be the host? Yes. Okay, does she know what to say? Well, she knows how to say hello to the people. Welcome to Tupac. Welcome to the park after dark. Well, see, now I said it. Welcome to the park after dark. See, now I said it.

Okay, here, got it. Welcome to the park after dark with Trinity, obviously, and my amazing man in my life, and of course, I don't know. Jacob, are you dead over there? Jesus Christ. Okay, he's moving. He's over there. Oh, wow, you worked 18 fucking hours.

You fucking fed him a whole bag of gummies. What do you expect? The man worked 18 hours and then ate 150 milligrams of gummies. He's exhausted. That was his choice. Well, he'll have a good sleep. Oh, he's up. Oh, he's up.

He's up. How you feeling, man? What time is it? Don't know. Don't know. You don't look at my phone? We don't go by time. It's in the afternoon.

Is it, though? Yes. It's in the afternoon. Is it, though? Yes, the morning, isn't it? It was just dark not long ago. It's just after the dark. I think it's lunchtime-ish. I don't know, boys. Who cares? Doesn't matter.

All right. Whoa. Take it away. You know what? No, no, no, no. These things are starting to hit me, but they come in

waves. Today's Park After Dark is sponsored by Trailer Park Boys. Gummies. Gummies. D9 THC Delta 9 gummies.

Look at that. We got the rum and cola. Is that orangey? Yeah, it's there, yeah. Orangey, and we got Green Bastard. Apple flavor. Very good. Apple flavor.

They get you very high. It's a good thing. Okay, moving on. Moving on. Okay. So it is Good Friday. That's why I'm wearing red. Trent's wearing red. Bo says a little red. What's red got to do with Good Friday. That's why I'm wearing red. Trent's wearing red.

Bo has a little red. What's red got to do with Good Friday, Ricky? You're supposed to wear red on Good Friday. You are? Yeah. I've never heard that my whole life. First time hearing it. I didn't really know either, but let me just tell you why.

I think you might have. It's in honor of the blood Jesus shed. Shed? He didn't shed blood blood came out of him you know what there's a fucking archaeologist that's out there studying where that was supposed to be and he said they dug down and they found like this little pit

under there underground and there was some like this resin type shit they fucking took it and they analyzed it, and it was blood. Come on. And they said it was some fucking... So if they got Jesus' blood, they could fucking put him in the fucking machine there, the replicator. I'm not sure if this is real or not, but it's like...

They could clone Jesus. Is that what you're saying? But it was a different type of blood, man. It was not fucking normal. It was Jesus' blood. It could have been fucking alien blood, man. See, I'm not even sure what the fuck... So Jesus was an alien. I was Jesus blood. It could have been fucking alien blood, man. See, I'm not even sure what the fuck. So Jesus was an alien.

I don't know. Like, I'm not sure what the whole Easter thing's about because when people were going to Sunday school, I was hustling. What do you mean, what's it about? Well, the whole religious thing, man. The what? He was fucking crucified. He died on a cross for your sins.

Then he came back to life like a ghost. Yeah, and he bled down and there's like a pit. He bled down into a pit and now they got his blood and they can clone him and build another Jesus. Is that what you're saying? That's what they should do. If they were smart, they would take like little specks of that blood and put them in like a lacquer kind of thing

and make lit necklaces out of it. You'd probably sell one for like a thousand fucking bucks. Always thinking. Jesus blood necklaces. Get your Jesus blood necklaces out of it. You'd probably sell one for like a thousand fucking bucks. Always thinking. Jesus blood necklaces. Get your Jesus blood necklaces. Crystals and stuff, mate. I don't know. I think it'd be a good idea. Tomorrow you'll be happy doing it because it's Black Saturday. You're supposed to wear black.

Well, fuck. But when the sun goes down you're supposed to put white on. Fuck that. You got white pants? No, I don't. I don't have white anything. You got a white suit? I dressed up as the glad guy one time You got a white suit. White pants. Okay, I dressed up as the glad guy one time and had the white suit, but that's too small, man. That was years ago.

What the fuck is that? Jacob's rocking out. You're also not supposed to wash any clothes today, so don't do any laundry. Why is that? Because when Jesus was on his way to the cross, he was getting smacked in the face with a wet garment. He was? I guess so. What? You'd think that'd feel good.

I'm still not sure why it's called Good Friday. There's nothing real good about it. No, it wasn't a great day for him. Fucking Shitty Friday. Shitty Friday. Shitty Friday. Oh, oh,

oh, welcome to Shitty Friday. Shitty Friday. Oh, welcome to Shitty Friday. Okay, so, okay, maybe Shitty Friday is for, no, that doesn't make sense. I was going to say, for people that don't believe in Jesus and shit, what is this weekend considered to people? Just a long weekend. Just a long weekend. Party weekend. Drunk.

Well, we usually party this weekend, so. We should have a weekend in honor of Shitty Bill called Shitty Friday. Shitty Friday is the weekend of Easter. If, for people that don't believe, it's in honor of Shitty Bill and it's called Shitty Friday. Get fucked up, take as many edibles as you can, preferably

these kind. And X-Flax. Lots of booze and X-Flax. Why X-Flax? Shitty Friday. Oh, and then take, finish it off and maybe shit yourself at midnight. Yeah, you could time it. So how have you been, Trin? Pretty good. Pretty good. Mel's doing okay.

Getting picked on a little bit in school. I'm a little worried about that. Well, because he goes to school smelling like fucking weed. Yeah, I know. That shouldn't be happening. That should be a badge of honor, if anything. I agree. I agree. He's too young for that stuff.

See, you know what? I don't understand. He needs a weapon. No, he does not need a weapon. Just like a slingshot. No, no, no, no, no, Richie. Well, you know what? Any Julian gummies left? Yeah, help yourself.

But what you should be able to do as a parent and an uncle, go to the school, find out who did it, just grab them, pick them up, fucking shake them a bit and say, hey, you want to fuck around with my kid? I'm going to slap you upside the fucking head, you little dick. That's what you should be able to do. I like it. Nobody's getting hurt. I'm not going to hurt them. No bruises.

Just discipline, man. No, can't do that. I'm not going to hurt them. No bruises. Just discipline, man. No, can't do that. I know, but you should be able to. Yeah. I got some new bling, too. What's that? I got an upgrade to my wedding ring. It almost looks real.

Is that real? I don't know. Jacob? Is it real? It's really real. I got it at Ardeen's, the mall. They don't sell fucking diamonds in Ardeen's. Yeah, they do. They sell real rings. It's a real. I got it at Ardeen's, the mall. They don't sell fucking diamonds in Ardeen's. Yeah, they do.

They sell real rings. It's a real ring. It's called costume fucking jewelry. Hey, it's beautiful, though. That's all that matters. It's love. And it's big. It's bigger than my old one.

As long as you didn't get it at Claire's. What's Claire's? That's the costume jewelry place, isn't it? I don't know, man. I don't shop at the mall. Where did you buy your nipple rings? Wasn't that at Claire's? What's Claire's? That's the costume jewelry place, isn't it? I don't know, man. I don't shop at the mall. Where did you buy your nipple rings? Wasn't that at Claire's? I don't have nipple rings, man.

That's one thing I don't understand. Why do people pierce their fucking nipples? Like, especially dudes. Don't understand it. I don't know. I kind of like it. Do you have your nipples pierced? Jacob, how do you feel about nipple rings?

I don't do sensitive. That do you feel about nipple rings? I don't feel too sensitive. That's true. You don't have nipple rings, do you, Jacob? No. Trin's been doing a lot of hair stuff. She did her hair and she actually did my hair. I know.

I look like six months younger, at least. You do, man. Six months younger. Rick, you haven't aged that much in six months. Sure. It looks so good. I'm not sure what to think of it, but. Oh, I think it looks good, Ricky.

I was trying to figure out what looked different about you. Thank you. Thank you. Maybe you can do an arm train. Yeah, I could give you a little do-over. A spruce and a half. Grease and formula, man. Remember that shit?

Brockett Richard used to throw that in. Yes. He was getting bangruce, you know? Greeson Formula, man. Remember that shit? Rocket Richard used to throw that in? Yes. He was getting banged like a motherfucker. Well, he got, that's, you know, they caught him drinking it. Yeah, do you know why they called him the Rocket? Why? It's not because he was fast. Because he had a big...

Because he had the ladies and he got the Rocket going. Oh, my God. Well, they caught him drinking Greeson Formula. I think he was drinking it by the gallon. Yeah, but I don't know. Yeah, the pocket rocket, they called him, I think. Maybe that was something else. I smell mold.

I smell mold in my drink. Really? You couldn't have mold grown in your drink. The fucking thing doesn't last more than an hour. An hour? That smells moldy, man. Here, you smell that. You smell that shit.

Nope. It smells fine to me. It smells like liquor. Maybe the ice is old. Oh, you didn't use his old ice, did you? You fucking... I don't go through a lot of ice here. You know what the ice was made out of?

It's not a fucking ice tray. It's an ashtray. Yeah, but... You know what? You don't even know what happened, do you? No, man. Don't tell me. Don't tell me.

He was fucking... He was washing out the ice cube tray, but then he used the dishwater, the old dishwater, and he put it in... So that's dishwater ice cubes. Which is clean. No, it's not, Ricky. It's fucking full of... Ricky...

He thought the dishwater would be clean ice, but it's just old fucking... There's probably bits of lettuce in it. It was the rinse water. And you know what? Okay, you know what? There's a story. Did you ever hear of rare hyperinfection fucking worms? Did you ever hear of that shit?

No, why would I have? Well, I probably have them now. Good. This poor fucker, he got an infection, and it turned out it was like this hyper-infection where these little worms crawl into your fucking skin, man. Jesus, man. And you can see them moving, man. Oh, no.

Got me out of that. Yeah, that's my worst. That would be amazing. Now, if I see some shit crawling around my skin. Just because it's different. I'd have to hack my fucking arm off, man. If I saw that. I saw things crawling under my skin.

Couldn't you just wacko? No, they're microscopic, but they get, I mean. How do you see them crawling under your skin? No, but they do grow bigger, man, and you can see them moving. Oh, no, that's when I go to the fucking emergency room and say, lock my fucking arm off. Yeah, just take care of it. If you're big, you're just going to be, oh, look at that little vein trying to relocate itself. Who would say that?

I'm going to be fucking paranoid, boys. Who would fucking say that, Ricky? My veins are trying to relocate themselves. I was watching this fucking stuff on it. Hippopotamus and Mrs. Ness. They are fucking fucked. Vicious. I know you've always wanted to fucking fight animals.

I'm not ever going near one of those fucking cunts. Well, that's what happened to Barry Lancaster. Remember Barry? No. Remember Barry that he only lived in the park for about half a year? Remember he lived at the very end? Barry, the big guy? Yeah.

He was in Florida at the zoo. A hippopotamus bit him in half. He's dead? Yeah, it bit him right in half. Right at the waist. They kill anything that comes fucking anywhere near it. Yeah. Animal, humans, they don't give a fuck.

Barry was alive after that for about two years, but it was only half of him. You know what I would do? Then he died. If I had a relative that got bit in half, you know what we should do? We were friends with him. We should sue the people that make that Hungry Hippo game. Because it makes it look like, oh, look at the hippos. They're so fucking cute. I swear to God, I don't think some of them are cute. No. Kids would go up makes it look like, oh, look at the hippos. They're so fucking cute.

I swear to God, I don't think so. They're cute. No. Kids would go up to them and say, oh, look at the hippo. Let's play with them. Hungry, hungry hippo. Oh, my arm's gone. Holy fuck, you bit my arm off.

We're suing Hungry Hippo, man. Do you know that they shit up to 400 pounds a day? Oh, my fuck. Well, so do you. 400 pounds. That's like one and a half Randys. So they go into these fucking streams and rivers, and they shit so much that their fucking shit consumes all the oxygen.

It kills everything in the river. All the fish, everything dead. Is that true? It decomposes, yes. Well, yeah, I mean, it could. You got ammonia coming out of it underwater. Speaking of shitting, listen to this fact, and you're probably going to wish you could do it.

When they're shitting... I don't wish... Okay, keep going. They spin their tails around as fast as they can like a fucking... Propeller. Yep. I knew that. And they shit, and it sprays shit everywhere, and they sometimes piss at the same time as they make an extra mess. It goes all over them, all over anything near it. What?

Yeah. What a weird... It's like a shit sprinkler. It's like a shit tornado they compared it to. Well, that's what fucking farmers need, man. They've got shit spreaders. Get a hippo out there. Something to kill you. Be fresh, at least. That's...

Fresh, not frozen. Can't feed it. What a weird fucking thing to do. I'm going to just spray my shit everywhere. Wow. That is fucking bizarre, man. Oh, Matt, I have a joint. Where'd you find that?

I was looking for my phone. I got a joint, a feather, a dime, and a twist tie. Well, aren't you a good little fucking boy scout over there? Look at you go. Can anyone see my phone? Keep digging. Keep digging. Keep digging, Jacob.

You don't know what you'll find. I just found a dead rat. They also ooze a stinking goo. They don't sweat. They fucking excrete this gooey shit. Like Randy. Like Randy. Yes fucking excrete this gooey shit. Like Randy. Like Randy. Yes.

Deep fart hippo. Deep fart shit. And when it dries, it's like red. It looks like they're all covered in blood. Randy's like a hippo. Half hippo. Man, fucking, they kill babies? Like, they're fucking nasty.

They don't give a fuck, Ricky. Babies are just like little fucking two-bite brownies. They live in these fucking herds and one male. So once a female has a baby, the fucker, unless the female takes the baby away to hide it. Wait, they eat their own babies? The male will kill it so that it can have sex with the mom again. You know who does that? Rabbits.

They eat their babies, too. They eat their ears off. They eat their ears off and their babies. They think they're chocolate bunnies and they're not. They're fucked, man. What's the first part you eat off a chocolate bunny? The tail. Really?

Yep, always. Geez, that's not a... I always go for the ears. They kill over 500 fucking people a year. Ricky, Jacob's mining for joints over there and he's doing pretty good. Jesus Christ. I think I found some hash, too. Well, that's house hash.

When was the last time? We used to do that back when we were younger. You know, hard time fucking hash days? Carpets. We'd be picking up little bottle tokes off the carpets. You weren't sure if it was mouse shit or hash, but you'd smoke it anyway. Do you guys remember house hippos?

House hippos? Yeah. No. They were this thing years and years ago, and they, like, lived in your house. They were like little dust bunnies. It was like a commercial on TV. Oh, yeah. I remember house hippos.

And he was a little guy, a little hippo about this big, and he was in somebody's coffee, wasn't he? He was in the coffee, like, oh. I don't know. In the closet. He was in the closet, but I think there was one, like, in the sink or something. Again, they should be sued. Because if you went up, oh, look at the cute little hippo. I looked for house hippos when I was little, for sure.

Yeah, I wanted a house hippo. Yeah, everyone did. Where the fuck do you find hippos, like, real ones in their natural habitat? Africa. Africa? We should go to Africa. 2014, one of them surprised a boat. Fucking tipped the boat over with 13 people in it. Killed them all.

The hippos. 12 of them were children. He killed all of them. They're fucking nasty. Oh, there's a video of these people on a riverboat, you know. And fucking this big cocksucker comes out of the water and the buddy goes fucking full tilt with the boat.

And they just barely get away. The hippo's right here snapping the boat and they just barely get away. The hippo's right here snapping at them and they just barely start getting away from them. You probably have to pump a few fucking shots into one of those things. Oh, you can't kill them with a shotgun. All right. Skin's too thick. They'd laugh at you.

What about a lion against a hippo? Nothing. Nothing? Hippos say fuck off. Yeah. Wow. Because the lion can't get a good bite on him because his fucking head's that big around. Okay, what about a lion, a giant alligator against a hippo?

No, I'd still put my money on the hippo. They're fucking vicious. What about a lion and a gorilla against a hippo? No. Are we talking in the water? Well, that's a good question. A hippo would fucking snap a gorilla right in half, fucking eat the lion as a fucking dessert. See, that's what we should have.

We should have like, you know, do that. Throw them all in a big fucking arena. Go at it guys. Why? Just to see who's the toughest. It's not much difference than a cock fight, is it? Yeah, except it's fucking hippos, lions, and apes. I bet people would pay pay-per-view.

Alligators, I'd pay. Let's call Dana White. Let's call him. I'd pay 70 bucks to watch that. UFC, Africa Outback. This is the thing. They've got to be asshole fucking animals. They've got to be like, they have to have killed humans,

and then they throw them in the fucking arena. You might. If you did UFC in an arena with all the lights and everything yeah but then you know out comes a fucking hippo and they load him into the octagon and then a fucking gorilla comes out and they just go at it i bet you they got to be assholes these animals you know what i mean yeah they should be you know animals that have murdered yeah they got the taste for human blood they want you might get some animal right groups after you, I don't know. Eh, fucking underground shit, man. You know?

Yeah. Yeah. Maybe you can throw in some gladiators or something. Do that, have them kill each other too, just so it softens the whole animal thing. Russell Crowe, get him in there. Yeah, maybe. Yeah, he's not doing much these days. My, he is, isn't he? He's a little couch potato these days, maybe. Yeah, he's not doing much these days. My goodness.

He's a little coast potato these days, man. Russell Crowe? He's looking a little heavy these days. Well, he's getting older. He's not doing his 200 push-ups a day. Holy fuck. How fucked is this? It's his birthday today.

Russell Crowe. Yeah. Fucking cheers to him. What are the chances? Gladiator, man. Gladiator. We bring up killing him and it's his birthday. We weren't killing him, were we?

We talked about it. He's going to get into the arena with the hippos. With the hippo, yeah. He's not going to stand much of a chance. Oh, I didn't know he was fighting a hippo. No, he's going to fight another gladiator. Gladiator 2. Gladiators against the hippos.

That would be cool. Can you imagine? Ooh, that'd be a... They start off by, like, cutting off its legs. You know, he's got three. It's just like fucking... Ooh, the Gladiators to the Hippos. Russell Crowe's got three legs?

No, no, no, no, no. He can cut a leg off. That'd be the opening move. Oh, I think these are kicking in because I just pictured Russell Crowe walking around with three legs. One of them's what? What?

What's the third one? It's just the third leg he has. I thought it was his wing. There's a dude that had three legs. Russell Crowe's got three legs? No, no, no. There was a guy. He was like in Burnham and Bailey's circus. He had three fucking legs. Three-legged Timmy. I don't know where his twin was. Guess who else got born today. This might give Julian a double boner.

Oh, probably John Travolta. Jackie Chan. Oh. Jackie Chan. Mucho respeto for Jackie Chan, but you've got to lay off the boner. I meant like a... He's not Spanish. Not like a real boner.

Wow, that's a cool person. Oh, okay.... He's not Spanish. Not like a real boner. Like a, wow, that's a cool person. Oh, okay, you mean it that way. Jackie Jean. Him and Russell born on the same day, same year. Really?

John Oates also got born. Ooh. Holland Oates. Holland Oates. Holland Oates. Francis Ford Coppola. Great movie maker. And a winemaker.

And a winemaker. And a winemaker. Yeah. Who else? Woo! James Garner from Rock Files. Oh, fuck, he could do the fucking... Who remembers his fucking move in the Camaro? Yeah.

Go backwards, spin around. Spin around. Whip around. See, kids don't know about that shit these days. No. Do you guys know about Rockford Files? Hey, fucky. Wake up. Rockford Files? Hey, fucky. Wake up.

Rockford Files. Jim Rockford. Get back to sleep, man. Yeah, he had that fucking gold fucking Trans Am with a gold Firebird, whatever it was. No spoiler on it. It's the only fucking Trans Am I liked without a spoiler. Was it a Trans Am?

I'm not sure if it was a Trans Am or a Firebird. Might have been a Firebird. Firebird, maybe. No spoilers, though, man. Bruce Geary, the drummer from Maestro will get born today. My, my, my, my big boner. And Will Keith Kellogg, the fucking inventor of

Kellogg's Corn Flakes and the Kellogg's cereal. Which is fucked because they used to... They invented that for the poor people. And I think they used to feed it to animals. Not for the poor people. Just as a cheaper alternative. To fill the gullet. Fill up their

bellies. But it's not good for them. Have you watched that show, The Foods That Built America? The whole story of Kellogg's is on there. I never saw that one. So are we thumbs up to them or thumbs down? I can't remember. I think they were just. They kicked ass.

Who was it? It was Kellogg's Corn Flakes versus what was the other big one at the time? Oh, fuck. Frosted Flakes? But he figured it. No. There was two. Post.

Post. No, was it Post? No, man. You got to watch the show anyway. I was baked watching it, but it was fantastic. Post is big. Might have been Post. But he figured out, once he figured out the machine,

he invented the machine that made the cornflakes. Holy fuck. He started fucking taking off then, baby. He fucking cornered the market then. And Lucky Charms was one of the first ones, wasn't it? Lucky Charms? That was the little leprechaun fella yeah magically delicious he was a dirty little fucker i hated the little fuck it never made any sense to me because he could have just you know he'd say i'll

make a balloon and fly away but all he had to do was i'll make a fucking 12 gauge and put a hole in your chest. Jesus Christ. You could have looked like him. He could have did that. You're saying that? You kind of look like that guy. I don't look like the lucky charm fella. Put a hat on you, a little green suit,

you'd be the lucky charms guy. I'll make a machete and take your fucking feet off of the ankles. He could have said that. I would have bought more cereal. I think so. Whoo! All right.

Is there anything else we got to talk about? You guys want to talk about anything else? You smoked nice going. I was worried you weren't allowed to drink on Good Friday. That's what some people think, but there's nothing. I looked it up. No, it's all good. Fuck that, man.

This is shitty Bill Friday. I'm drinking it shitty Friday for me right now, shitty Bill. Here's to shitty. Here's shitty Bill. Here's to shitty. Here's to shitty. Here's to shitty. I don't have a chair. I'll drink this. You can have it.

Yeah. Snap of that. It's straight vodka, so just be careful. Cheers, Jacob. Shitty Friday. Yeah. Shitty Friday. It's good.

Woo! Some good shit. You know what? There's not much really going on in the fucking world these days that I got in my computer, boys. There's not? No, man. Canadians going to the fucking moon.

How about that? Yeah. Five of them are going to the moon in 2024. Is he going to the moon or around the moon? Well, the first trip they're going out and circling the moon for 10 days to run all the tests, and then they're going on a second trip, and they're landing on the fucking moon. That's crazy.

Is there going to be the first bit of banging on the moon this trip? I would not, probably not on this trip. That already happened. No, Ricky, nobody, no, man. It's only been fellas on the moon, Ricky. I don't think they were, maybe. It doesn't mean there's no banging. Well, I don't think Buzz Aldrin and Neil Armstrong were getting their own on the moon, Ricky. I don't think they would. Maybe. Doesn't mean there's no banging. Well, I don't think

Buzz Aldrin and Neil Armstrong were getting their own on the moon. You never know. They wouldn't have had time. Can you imagine if you're the first one to ever bang on the moon? The lost footage. It's a good resume skill right there. I would prove it. Instant millionaire, man.

I mean, if they need some, you know, people to go out and be the test subjects, I'll go out. Think about it. You'd be like, you'd get endorsements from condoms, lube. That's one small step for man. One giant. Bang. One giant, you know.

Bang for mankind. One giant. I was going to say something else, but it's. Wow, it's... Load? I wasn't... You could say load. Load for mankind. And then it just goes off.

I mean, that's what the person's going to have to say when it happens. Here's your half the findings for joint. Well, thank you, man. I really appreciate... How the fuck do I get a feather in here? That's when the seagull got in and you hit him with a fucking broom. Jesus Christ.

The seagull walked right in the other day and Ricky fucking golf clubbed him right out the door with a broom. What kind of a joint is that? It's like a double barrel. Fuck, there's something stuck to it. Oh, it's like a roach stuck to an actual joint. That's called a re-roll right there.

That's called a re-roll right there. That's called being too fucking high when you're trying to roll your next joint while you're banging. Alright, I think that's it, you guys. Okay. Thanks for dropping by back there. Liquor store's closed. Thanks. Always good to see you.

Always good to see you guys. Yeah, it's nice to see at least one of you. Always good to see the guys. Nice to see at least one of you. It's good to see the son of law too, I guess. Tune in next week when Quincy dissects... No, I got nothing. Everybody have a good Easter weekend.

Happy Easter! With your families. It might be a shitty weekend for everybody, which is a good thing. Let's have some rabbit stew! Okay.