Trailer Park Boys Presents: Park After Dark - Episode 49 - I'm Too Sexy

Episode Date: April 29, 2024

Ricky's still high from 420, but it's helping him get learnt about physics! But are the Boys smart enough not to f**k up a game of Worst Case Ontario? Also on the menu: Juicy June bugs, salamander skewers, and sexy rock stars!

To see the video version of Park After Dark in Ricky's trailer, go to SwearNet.com or download the Trailer Park Boys SwearNet app. Jeez, you got a whole lineup of games going here, bubs. Well, I'm just curious about the one that we're on. I don't ever remember fucking approving this. Did we get any money from that? Where'd you get this? It got sent to me.

For some kind of approval with a legal document, and you had already signed it. Oh, yeah, I mean, I signed things, bubs. I signed a lot of fucking things. Well, how do you even play the fucking thing? I don't have a fucking clue. That's why I sign things, Bob. I sign a lot of fucking things. Well, how do you even play the fucking thing? I don't have a fucking clue. That's why they have instructions, man. So we have a game that we're on.

We're on the cover, and you don't even know what the game is. Well, it's a good picture, isn't it? Look. All of us are on it. I'm giving you the finger. What's it called? You don't even know. Party game of denial and error.

It's the Trailer Park Boys' Worst Case Ontario. Hey. But you don't know how to play it. I don't have a fucking clue, Bob, so I don't play games. Oh, my fuck. Well, you play games, don't you? I do, but I would have liked to have known a little bit about it. You know what?

Why is it taking so long for this fucking edible to hit me? I hate when sometimes it takes 40 minutes. Well, you've got to stop using them. You just should swallow them and stop putting them up your bum. I'm not putting them up my fucking ass, bubs. I thought you took an edible up your hole. Why? Who does? He's done that. Trying to get higher.

What are you doing, Ricky? Just reading. No, you're not. Is he free? Physics for dummies. Physics one for dummies. That's like... What are you reading a physics book for? What are you trying to figure out? I'm just looking at acceleration and velocity right now.

Why? Figuring out the formulas. What are you reading a physics book for? What are you trying to figure out? I'm just looking at acceleration and velocity right now. Why? Figuring out the formulas. Why? What are you up to? Just something I've always sort of wanted to get into that I never did. Oh, yeah. Velocity and acceleration.

You're always interested in acceleration versus velocity. What are you doing? There's just a lot of formulas that I never understood, you know, kind of growing up, and now I want to understand them. I like formulas. You're going to hurt yourself. I'll tell you right now, something's going to pop in your brain. Is anything making sense to you in there? Most of it. Most of it? If you have the right buzz on, physics makes a lot more sense. What page are you on right now? 42.

How many of those 42 have you read? 41. How the fuck do you play this game? There must be instructions. There's instructions right here. Or you just make up your own. That's what a game is. This card just says,

Got Cassidy and the Sundance Cheeseburger. So what are you supposed to do with that? Okay, the black ones are the topic cards. Okay. The white ones are the answer cards. I'm confused already. Okay. Stick to physics, Ricky.

I guess I should have fucking read up on this before I signed off. So this has a picture of you on the phone in jail, it looks like. And it says, get me some blank, and then I'll start throwing out the high fives. So then what do you take, one of these? Some rum. Get me some money. Okay, the white ones. We need a worst case Ontario for dummies.

Get me a shit leopard. Oh, that's what you do. You're like, I'm going to be funny. What does Julian want? Owning the trailer park. This one says a totem. So what do you do with that now? It's an answer.

This game might be the... What have you signed off on? Maybe it's not even a game. It might not be. But you know what? It's kind of like a game trying to figure it out, right? You know what I mean? I'm having fun.

That's not... I'm having a great time. People should buy this. It's fucking great, man. Just a sec. You got to read the instructions. Give me the fucking... Shuffle both fucking decks of cards and place them.

What both decks? There's about fucking 400 cards in here. There's got to be some fucking... There's like... Okay, look. We got the black ones, right? Yeah. Those are the topic cards.

Those are the top... See? Instructions are working. These are the white ones, Pops. Those are the answer cards. Those are the answer cards. Yeah, but what does that mean, Ricky? We don't know that yet. Alright, here.

You take a bunch. You take a bunch. Me? Yeah, I think this is how you play. Alright. I'm ready to win. Here's the first fucking card. I paid for a lady. What? I paid for a lady. Not a blank and

a blank. Okay, so then what happens? You go through these and you pick out a couple cards, man. And what, the funniest one wins? Yeah. So I paid for a traveling from trailer park to trailer park spreading the good news. Is that supposed to be funny? Don't use that one. You've got to pick out the ones that fucking make sense, man. But what if... This is fucked. See? I paid for a lady.

Not dating a cop and drinking and doing bong hits with a goldfish. See? That's kind of funny. Huh? I'm having a great time, man. How much do these... How much do these cost, anyway? What are we selling these things for?

Give me the fucking instructions. Talk amongst yourselves about physics. Water in the fridge. Indianapolis Jones. Let's see. A cock riding cowboy. You know, it's a lot of shit you say, Ricky. I don't know how that makes you feel.

You know what I mean? Praying mantis fuck twas. Okay, so the supervisor who's running the game draws the top topic card from the stack and reads the question or phrase out loud. Okay. All other players choose an answer card from their hand that they feel best fits the blank space

on the topic card drawn by the supervisor. Players place their selected answer cards face down in front of the supervisor. Note, some topic cards have two blank spaces and require players to select two answer cards. So it's like that game... Cards of Moon and May. Cards of Moonsanity. Cards of Humanity. That's the one

you fucking have. Cards against, something against humanity, isn't it? I don't fucking know. It's like that, is it? Yeah. What's the answer to the topic card again? What? What was the topic card? Well, here, I guess so. If I was the supervisor and I picked a blank...

Alright, do it, man. Let's play it correct. What's Ricky's secret fertilizer for growing awesome fucking... Well, no, I'm not... Oh, yeah, right. I read that out. What's Ricky's secret fertilizer for growing awesome fucking dope? Now, you guys pick your best. I need a...

Oh, okay. This is fact. What is it again? What's Ricky's secret fertilizer for growing awesome fucking dope? All right, okay, see? So then I would put my pick in, and you guys put your picks in here. Put it in, Ricky. I don't know if I can say it.

Yes, we can. Yes, you can, man. That's the point of the game. What's the question again? What's Ricky's secret fertilizer for growing awesome dope? Okay. Okay, so here. So now.

Pull them up. So now, no. So now that I have that, right? Mm-hmm. The supervisor now selects the submitted answer cards and reads the topic card again, using the answer cards to fill in the blanks. This is easy.

So what is Ricky's first, or his secret fertilizer? Kahaki pants. Kahaki pants. Who's that? I think I put that one in there. Okay. Okay. That's pretty funny.

That was all right. Staring at a large gut. Nah. That's his secret ingredient. It works, man. A pair of Asian twins with their decks flopping. See? Boys, imagine playing this with a really good fucking buzz on. flopping. See? Boys.

Imagine playing this with a really good fucking buzz on. Like I have? So your secret fertilizer for grown dope is to have a pair of Asian twins with their dicks flopping. In the room? Was that my answer? Yeah, man. I would say, Ricky. You know that

I'm still fucking high from 420? I don't doubt it. I mean, I have done drugs since then, but I think I'm still high from that day. That fucking cooler of love. What's the date today? 29th, isn't it? You've been stoned for nine days. Maybe.

Is that a lot? Is it a lot? Is it a lot? I'm so fucked up from... You know what? It's not 29. It's still the 26. Boys, that's still a long... It's an upside down nine.

That's still a long run, Ricky. What about fucking Queens of the Stone Age, man? That concert is wicked. They are definitely not from the Stone Age. They know how to do it up. They know how to fucking put on a rock show. If anybody has not seen Queens from the Stone Age. They know how to do it up. They know how to fucking put on a rock show. Yeah, if anybody has not seen Queens at the Stone Age live and they're playing near you,

I would highly suggest going with a bow on. They rocked it, man. That light show. Oh, fuck. Yeah, the Pyramid Light Show. I thought I was going to have a stroke or something. To suck one for. And they were so fucking nice and shit.

That was awesome getting to hang out with them. Unreal. Yeah, I mean, it's good when you can sneak out back and then they give you booze. They had liquor. A lot of people say that Josh is pretty handsome. You? You kept saying it all fucking night, man. He's a nice man.

To him. You were hanging off him. You kept telling him, my God, you're handsome. I just wanted to compliment him. I thought he put on a good show and, you know, he's going to be a rock star. Were you attracted to him in any way? No, you're handsome. I just wanted to compliment him. I thought he put on a good show. You know, he's going to be a rock star. Were you attracted to him in any way? No, no, no.

You were asking him questions like, how big is your unit? You've got big balls. He pulled it out anyway. You didn't have to ask him. How do you do it? That is true. What? Ricky saw it.

Did he really? He likes to get it out. Right. Like Sebastian Bach. He likes to get Did he really? He likes to get it out. Alright. Like Sebastian Bach. He likes to get his out too. He likes to get his rig out too. Yeah, that was a good one, man. I really fucking enjoyed that. And you know who's coming soon, boys?

Who? Snoop? Snoop Dogg, yeah. Dogg. I wonder if he'll come on the little show. I bet you we could arrange it. I know he wants to do a little partying afterwards, so... Well, we should arrange that, too. We're going to figure out where that's going to take place, and maybe we'll tell you.

Those fucking swarms of cicadas are coming soon, boys. They're here. Goddamn, sir. I walked out of my shed this morning, and I don't know if that's what they are. I'm talking about those little black flies

that have no eyes and they fly in your fucking mouth. No, man. These got red eyes, man. These are colorful. Well, what are those flies that I walked out

of my shed this morning and there was fucking 50,000 of them. I must have ate 20 before I could even react. Little baby mosquitoes? They're about this fucking long. They're black.

They have wings. And they don't even really fly. They just kind of, they're upside down. I think they're mentally. Because it's more ladybugs? No, no. They're like a flying bug. Black flies.

But if you look, they don't have any. No, but they don't have fucking eyes. Oh, blindies. Blindies? What the fuck is a blindie, man? There's not a... They're fucking blindies. Blindies?

Well, I ate a bunch of them anyway, so I hope they have protein in them. They do have protein. There's a restaurant now in New Orleans that's putting the cicadas on the menu. Cicada salad. Smart, man. What? Yep. You eat them?

You can. At this restaurant. They also have cinnamon bug crunch, chili fried wax worms. Oh my fuck. Crispy Cajun spice crickets. No. It's from shows, man. My kiddies might like those.

You know what? Eating bugs is a cool thing. It might be alright. I guess we put them in flour and fry them up. Do you eat bugs? Never. What kind of bugs would produce this type of thing? There's a shit ton of protein in bugs. I know. Oh, you're gonna tell him

what has protein? You think he doesn't know that? I'm surprised he's not a bug eater. I might, you know what? I might start eating bugs. I would love that. What would be your, if you had to eat a bug, what would you pick? Grasshopper.

First bug. Grasshoppers, I bet you they're tasty. They're supposed to be pretty good. Grasshoppers? Crunchy. Yeah. They'd have a crunch to them. Crickets, oh yeah, they all have crunches, man.

Except for. Exoskeleton, bud. It's got a crunch. I might fuck over a few June bugs, if they're cooked right. A June bug? Throw some seasoning in there. I might fuck over a few June bugs if they're cooked right. A June bug? Throw some seasoning in there. I would not fuck with a June bug. There's too much of that white juice.

Well, that's the protein, man. It's the juice. You know what? I bet you you cook that up, it's like fucking carving into a turkey. I disagree. A June bug. Yes. With a little set of knives.

Throws some fucking Montreal steak spice on it. So you have a little barbie fork and a little barbie knife. Yeah, no, just pop them in, man, like a chocolate-covered almond. It's not going to be like eating a chocolate with a fucking creamy center. It's going to be disgusting. You know how, okay, you get a chicken breast, right? You fucking throw it on the counter. You slap it, right?

It's all, like, gushy and, you know, it's not. But it doesn't have juice inside of it. Yeah, but the juice would turn into a nice fucking meat. You think if you cooked a Junebug, he'd firm right up and he'd be nice. You ever fuck over a crab on the beach? You have, like, take a stick and break through his back? It's all slime. It's not a bad analogy.

That's what I'm thinking, man. So you think the Junebug would firm right up and he'd be like a gloss-ed almond or something? Yeah. No, like a scallop. That's an interesting theory. Like a scallop, man. Should we cook some June bugs, boys? Definitely.

We've got to wait another month. Well... We should get right out of here and have a bug party. You know what we do? The mushrooms are going to be out soon. We pick some mushrooms. I would have to have one fuck of a buzz on. Oh, we've got to have a fuck of a buzz.

And I'm very hungry to eat a gingerbread. I'm not, boys, I'm not eating bugs, like, sober. Fuck that. I'd rather eat a salamander or something. A salamander? Okay. You know what? I bet you throw those over a fire.

Well, if you put them on a skewer and roast it, they might be. I've heard of people doing that. If you had a nice dip for them, a nice ranch. Fuck, get some sauce on them. That's what you need for bugs. You're going to need a dip. heard of people doing it. If you had a nice dip for them, a nice ranch. Fuck, get some sauce on them. That's what you need for bugs. You're gonna need a dip. Oh, you need it.

And maybe a nice appy with it before you can, you know? A bug appy? No, a liquor appy. Get as much fucking booze as you can in you. Oh, yeah. Shooters. Shooters, man. I wonder what a praying mantis would taste like.

I bet you it tastes like chicken. These little fuckers. Remember that one? Chickens don't have teeth. No, they have their fuck. Remember when one was crawling up my fucking leg up in Caledonia? That was fucked, man. What was?

Praying mantis. He was probably trying to get a look at the pipes. Digging up a gas, man. Trying to figure out how to get some muscles on his pipes. I think he wanted to fuck me. I think he was humping me. Our praying man has fucked you. I'm pretty sure it was in heat, bubs.

Did he leave anything on you? Fuck. Like a slimer? No, I fucking whacked him and killed him. It was pretty slimy. So when you eat a bug, everything in it, you're eating. That's right, man. Yeah. Blood. Shit. They's right, man. Yeah. Blood.

Shit. They don't have blood. No. They've got... How does a thing work with no blood? What the fuck is in them, then? Juice. Bug juice. Same as blood juice. When a bug hits the windshield when you're going 150. Oh, it's the yellow shit. It's that yellow creamy stuff. My kids

love it. They love a nice windshield day where they can just, you know, lick. You let them do that? Yeah. I guess that's a good way of getting the bugs off. What are we talking about? Bugs eating juice. I love edibles.

See, when shit like this happens, it's beautiful. You've been to Milan, right? What? What? Milan? We've never been to Milan, Ricky. No, I haven't. I thought you were.

I want to. I've never been. When the fuck would I have been in Milan without you? No, you went prancing around the world there for a little bit. Not to Milan. It's just fashion stuff. I was in Venice, though. Isn't there fashion there or something?

Yeah, man. There is fashion there, Ricky. And supermodels. Why? Was that song, I'm Too Sexy, did that have the word Milan in it? I'm too sexy for Milan. Yes. I think it did, yeah.

Good going, man. In one of the verses. Wow. You know what I mean, because I do my little turn on the tap. I hated that song, man. All right. Right, set, fret. Right, set, fret. And he stole a Jimi Hendrix. That song has a Jim All right. Right said Fred. Right said Fred.

And he stole a Jimi Hendrix. That song has a Jimi Hendrix riff in it. No, it doesn't. That's Third Stone from the Sun, Jimi Hendrix. Note for note. I didn't fucking know that. That's a piece of knowledge I was not aware of until today. Right said Fred must have liked Hendrix.

How'd they do that? How much did that cost? Here, you know what? I'm going to fucking watch this. Oh, don't play this, man. what? I'm going to fucking watch this. Don't play this, man. No, I'm not going to play Right Said Fred. You keep talking and I'm going to show you something

that's going to blow your tits right off your chest. Guess what Milan is doing? What are they doing? This is kind of fucked up. They're going to ban ice cream and pizza after midnight. What the fuck? Why? Because some people are getting in groups

and they're being too loud, too noisy. Oh, pizza corner. I don't know, but who gives a fuck? Why? Because some people are getting in groups and they're being too loud, too noisy. Oh, Pizza Corner. I don't know, but who gives a fuck? Pizza Corner, there's tons of fights, man. Maybe it would stop some violence. Oh, fuck, are we keeping you up? A little too late, past midnight? Fuck off.

This isn't right, said Fred's tune, Sexy One? Not this part. Wait, it's coming up. This is Jimi Hendrix. I know. But you'll recognize it when it hits. Watch this. Let's wait.

See if I can jump ahead. Cue it up, babas. Here it comes. Just wait. So you're saying Ray said Fred listened to this fucking song and stole it? And stole it? Did they steal it? Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I'm out of my mind.

On drugs. Oh, fuck, Lubs. It's possible. No, here it is. Here it is. Listen. Not hearing it, man. Bum, bum.

Bum, bum, bum, bum. Okay, remember this. Remember this. Dum. I don't. Dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum. Okay, remember that, okay? Now watch this.

You tell me they should be sued. Right? You guys remember? Fred. Fred. John Wayne Bob it is? Yeah. Got his wiener cut off. He did.

He also made three pornos that were the fastest selling pornos in history. Yes, because after he... 264. When they cut his wiener off and sewed it back on, it had a 45 degree angle in it, and they paid him a million dollars to be in a porno. A million? You know a lot about us.

I think he got paid a million dollars to show his bent wiener in a porno. Well, guess what else he just had lopped off? What? All of his toes. Oh, no. By who? Not the same lady.

No, this was by a doctor. Oh. What the fuck happened to his toes? He got bad water from Camp Lejeune or some shit. I guess it was some big lawsuit that he said. Oh, yes. He said losing my toes was not nearly as fucked up and painful as losing my penis. Because you're cocked.

That's a big, like, man, no way. And he's even joked around saying, hey, at least now when I get in the shower, I don't have to wash between my toes. So he's just got two around saying, well hey, at least now when I get in the shower, I don't have to wash between my toes. So he's just got two stumps? I guess. How can he balance? Big toe is your balancer. He might have artificial toes, I don't know.

Can you get artificial toes? That would be a, you'd have to wear like a sock with toes in it. But they'd have to click into your sockets in order for you to balance. Anyway, fucking poor bastard, man. That's fucked. Who cut off his, his, uh,

where? Marina, Bobbitt. Oh, his wife. How'd they put his penis back on? Like a little spruce gum? I iced it down. I'm fucking... Fuck! Oh my God, Mickey! How'd they put his penis back on? Like a little spruce gum? I used to down him. Fuck! Oh my God, Mickey!

Jesus, I forgot your shoulder's broken. Are you all right? I didn't re-break it, did I? No, it's good. Will you remind me that his shoulder broke? Back to the movie. I don't get it. It's coming up. Jesus Christ, Ricky.

I didn't mean to belt you in the shoulder. I'm 100%. Here it is. Oh, fuck. Look at that. Bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb. All right, who sued you? Listen.

Bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb. It's exactly the same. Yeah, that's more than just a coincidence. Case closed. Right there. Right said Fred ripped off Jimi Hendrix. I just proved it. That was fucking exactly.

So did they get sued? I don't know. Jimi Hendrix family. That just proved it. That was fucking exactly. So did they get sued? I don't know. By the Jimi Hendrix family. That's a good question. Let me ask the Googler. Do it, man. And while we're talking about... Did Right Said Fred rip off Jimi Hendrix? Hello? Um... Jesus, that was a slow one. What the fuck happened there, bubs? What? Oh, no, I'm reading the... Wright said Fred's I'm Too Sexy sample of Jimi Hendrix's Third Stone from the Sun. This is what I fucking told you. You're fucking good, man. Maybe it's a known fact. I don't know.

But I thought I just discovered that on my own. Do they have to pay James Hendrix any money? James Hendrix. Wasn't? James Hendricks. Wasn't that his real name? No. I suppose it would be. I still don't understand why Jimmy's short for James when it's the same amount of letters. It's not. Well, Jimmy with two Ms and a Y, I suppose. And it's two syllables, so it's actually longer.

James is shortened to Jimmy. Jesus, man. What a dumb fuck. We were talking about guys who had their cocks cut off. And remember the guy in Brazil who had his cock cut off? No. No, don't remember that one. Remember he fucked that woman's 15-year-old niece on her birthday?

I don't remember this, but I'm sure we talked about it. This guy in Brazil cheated on his girlfriend and fucked her 15-year-old niece on her birthday. Not the niece's birthday, the girlfriend's birthday. Okay. She found out and then she kind of kept to herself a little bit. She came up with a plan that they're gonna have this kinky sex and she tied his arms and his legs up and then she cut his penis off with a razor. Nice work.

Razor. That was fucking soft. Should've used a butter knife. Anyway, he forgave her and wants to get back together with her. Whoa. Oh, I'm sure she's just open to that idea. No, she totally wants to once she gets out of jail.

Fuck. She could be in jail for 12 years. So they both just consider that a little spat, do they? Yeah. Did he get the thing? Is it working now? He had to get a prosthetic penis, unfortunately. Oh, prosthetic, okay.

Yeah, that sucks. I didn't know that John Wayne Barr was only 26 when he got this thing disengaged. Disengaged? Not a cute way to put it. 26. Yep. Didn't they, didn't he find it in a field somewhere? Yeah, she threw it out.

Yeah, she threw it out the window. A ditch or something. Wasn't there a goat chewing on it or something? I didn't hear about that. I think it was a field of goats grazing on the grass and they found it. How did it look in the porn? I didn't see it. I I think it was a field of goats grazing on the grass and they found it. How did it look in the porn? I didn't see it. I've never seen it either, but.

That's a really chomped bird. It looks like a Frankenweenie. It must be a skarn or something. Chunks out of it. Frankenweenier. Yeah. I don't get this shit, man. This Indian couple donate their $24 million fortune to charity to become monks.

I bet they're happier. Fucking, like, what is wrong with people? Maybe they're happier. I don't know. How can't you be having $24 million? Going to a monkhood? You don't, like... They didn't feel fulfilled.

Plant shit all day or... What are you doing there? When you're plant shit all day or what are you doing there when you're a monk yeah what are you doing you're you just sort of pray pray and meditate and do chants and things don't you build shit right right music come in learn shaolin kung fu stuff bread kick each other in the ball do they get drunk? Do monks get drunk? Some do. I think they do crystal meth. Some go on tour. Didn't we read that a bunch of the monks were on meth? Yes, we did.

It was a major problem. Meth monks. That's a good band name. Meth monks. They don't bang, right? Some do. Didn't they jerk each other off before battle? That was the Spartans, man.

Oh, right, that was the Romans. Randy told us that. Yeah, I didn't know that. I think that was just a porno he was watching, man. I don't think that really happened. It might have been a porno. Monkford and Sons, they did pretty good for monks. Who?

Monkford. Monkford? The band? Wasn't that. Who? Monkford. Monkford? The band? Wasn't that the band? No, Ricky. Who? Monkford and Sons. It was Mumford.

You thought they were a bunch of monks? I did. In Monkford and Sons? I never saw them play. Jesus Christ. Good man. Talented. How would they have sons if they're monks?

Do monks have sons? Some do. They just can't help themselves. Is there such a thing as a monk rock band? Are these guys, like, playing music, like, rock? There has to be. Red Hot Chili Peppers used to call themselves funky monks. Yeah, but that's...

What? Were they what? Were they monkey? No, funky monks, because they were like, you know, they went in the studio and they would be like monks in there. I can't remember if we talked about this last week because I was so fucked up, but the woman in Florida that went on a shooting spree on the highway,

she said that God told her to go shoot at drivers via the solar eclipse that happened. Whoa, that's heavy-duty shit, man. How the fuck are you looking at a solar eclipse saying, oh, okay, I read you loud and clear there, God. Drugs, Ricky. Is that what it is? It might have talked to her.

I need some of those drugs. Well, you know when it's just, if it wasn't quite covered, it does look like a smiley mouth, maybe it talked to her. Go shoot some drivers. Go take your AR-15 and your 9mm handgun and shoot at cars. This is God talking through the moon.

That's pretty fucked up. You know what? Maybe she does talk to God. Ricky. Maybe God thinks there's too many drivers. Why wouldn't he just go boop and get rid of half of them? Take his little eraser and just start erasing? thinks there's too many drivers. Why wouldn't he just go, whoop, and get rid of half of them?

Take his little eraser and just start erasing off of his canvas? Well, he would be able to do that if he was who they say he is. He can do all of those things. That's what always bugged me about that. God? Well, like, say somebody gets, I just saw a thing where this poor girl,

young girl was driving her parents' car, just got her license, fucking lost control or texting or something, and she hit a guardrail and it came right through the fucking car, right through the windshield, totaled the car, fucking guardrail, right? She walked out without a scratch.

Yep. And now the whole community's like, God saved her. But here's the fucking point they miss. What's that? Why did God, why didn't he just stop her from getting in a fucking accident? He wanted to teach her a lesson. He's just fucking around, man, that's why, I guess. He wanted to teach her a lesson. He's just fucking around, man. That's why, I guess.

He wanted to teach her a lesson. That's what he does. He works in mysterious ways sometimes. Scares the shit out of you, man. Yeah. Smart as a fuck up. Stop your texting when you're driving. Yeah.

That's what you think. She probably had some good personality traits. And he's like, you know, I don't want to take you, but you need to fucking learn a lesson here. You're dumb. I'm going to put a guardrail through your fucking car and wake you the fuck up. That's what, okay.

Well, there you have it. That's just my interpretation. There you have it, folks. God likes to scare the fuck out of people. So you got born on April 26th. Carol Burnett. Is that good? Oh, Gary Wright.

Was Carol Burnett, like, ever really, like, smoking hot? Like, back when she was young? No. Carol Burnett was very lovely. She was very lovely. Roger Taylor, the drummer from Duran Duran. Right on. I was watching it the other day.

I'm not the Craig from Duran Duran. She was on, like, fucking one of these talk shows, and I was, like, going, you know what? She's about 90, but she's pretty hot. Don't know why, man. Carol Burnett turns you on? No, I'm not saying that. I'm saying when she was younger, she must have been, like, you know, really hot.

Lovely looking lady and one of the funniest. Lucille Ball, same thing. One of the funniest people ever on the earth, Carol Burnett. Yeah, she's good, man. Jet Li. Got born on April 26th. Who? Jet Li.

Marcial Harris. You don't remember who the fuck Jet Li is? What the fuck is wrong with you? I know who he is. I just didn't hear it because I was chomping. All right, sorry, man. Didn't mean to freak out. Kevin James. Pretty funny out. Kevin James.

Pretty funny dude. Kevin James. Isn't that the King of Queens? Yeah. Is he funny? That's exactly who that is. Very funny. Is he?

Malkoff. Paul Mert. Paul Mert Blartkopf or whatever. Paul what? Blart? Mert Blart? Paul Malt, wasn't he? Paul Malt, the Blart cop? I don't know, man. Paul Maul, wasn't he? Paul Maul, the Blart cop.

I told you, man. Paul Blart, wasn't it? Maul cop. Paul Blart, Maul cop. Yeah, man. I thought he was Paul Maul, Blart cop. No. No, man.

Channing Tatum. Julian? Don't Julian me, man. You've commented on his body. No, I haven't, man. You've commented on his body. I've I haven't, man. You've commented on his body. I've never watched those magic Mike points like you have. You've said he definitely works out because look at the body.

Of course he works out, man. Jesus Christ. I'm just saying. I'm not saying you were beating off to him. I'm just saying you commented on his physique and said it was gorgeous. I didn't say it was gorgeous. You did have a magic Mike marathon. No, I didn't, man.

I guess that's normal. I've never watched that movie. Oh, yeah, right. Don't get into this, man. I've never watched Magic Mike. Don't you get into this shit. One through 12. Boys, we got to go.

I need more liquor. Okay. Well, go get some booze. I need fucking surgery, boys. I can't liquor. Okay. Well, go get some booze. I need fucking surgery, boys. I can't fucking take it. I didn't mean to belt you, Ricky. Ah, it's all right. It's fucked anyway.

All right, we're going to get you good and drunk tonight. You're not going to feel a thing. Sign off. All right, I'll see you after surgery. Are you getting surgery? That's what they're telling me. Well, you'll definitely need it now after I fucking dislodged her. Good times.

To watch the video version of Park After Dark in my fucking trailer, go to SwearNet.com or download the SwearNet Trailer Park Boys app. Fuck off.