Trailer Park Boys Presents: Park After Dark - Episode 5 - Deedle Deedel!

Episode Date: June 29, 2020

Julian's getting lonely and in need of a steady bang - would a Russian bride be the answer? The Boys also discuss the Loch Ness Monster, death by sh**ting nickels, and Bubbles' desert island hit with Billy Joel! Also: Who wants a deedle?!

Hey boys. How's she going? What's up guys? How's it going? Deedle deedle Ricky. Deedle deedle. Deedle deedle, Ricky. Deedle deedle. Deedle deedle deedle. Deedle deedle deedle.

Deedle deedle deedle. You know what? I hate to say this, Buzz, but I miss the real Deedles. I miss the Deedles, the contact. Even though I hated it before, I kind of miss it, man. What do you mean you hated it? You hate my Deedles? Well, I just don't like dudes fucking touching my belly.

You know? It's just not cool. What about your wiener? Ricky, fuck, man, no. I just don't like being touched like that. You don't like my deetles. I'm just saying I would take a deetle right now, Bob, if I could, but before, I don't know,

man. I don't know if I'm going to hand out any more deetles. Didn't know you didn't like them. No, man. Don't be like that. Come on. I'll Deedle you, Ricky. Don't have to take it to the extreme, Bob. I'll Deedle you, Ricky. All right. Go for it.

What are you guys doing? Just looking up... You know? Just looking up... It know, just looking up. It's a bit embarrassing, Bubz and Rick, but I've been looking up like Russian brides and stuff a lot. Not just Russian ones, like Singapore ones, South American ones.

Russian guys? Brides. Oh, brides. I thought you said Russian guys. I've been watching the show called 90 Day Fiance and Love After Lockup, and it seems like the way to go. All right, do it, man. Because you just can't go out and meet women. You should find someone to settle down or you're going to die.

What do you mean? Well, you're just getting out of control, man. You need a partner. A partner. I need to get banged on a on a daily basis and i you know i want to i want to be hanging out with a chick more you know what i mean yeah lonely me too yeah this three or four months has been uh interesting to say the least what's your guys's horny level? Oh, man. I've been watching fucking Love After Luck up to 90 Day Beyonce. But there's this thing, okay?

You go over, you get online. I've been talking to some ladies. You get them to come over or you go over there. I don't know if I have the money to go to like fucking, you know, Russia or Slovakia or something. But you've got 90 days to get married to them. You can bring them back. So, really? Fuck it. Yeah. you or something but it you've got 90 days to get married to them you can bring them back so really it yeah 90 days you get this visa thing so i don't know you guys this is not long enough it's not long enough to decide if you're going to get married to somebody because you don't know

them well enough that's why because you don't know you know maybe they've got problems that you don't know them well enough. That's why. Because you don't know, you know, maybe they've got problems that you don't know about. You can't find all that stuff out. We all have problems. And another thing, and I've been watching the show, as soon as someone, as the dude says, you know, I've been to jail before, you're fucked. So you're fucked then, is what you're saying. Well, I'm just saying, I didn't realize, you know, back when we were doing shit and going to jail, that all of a sudden I'm not going to be able to fucking find a girl

that want to settle down with me. You know what I mean? You never thought that that might be a deterrent to ladies? No, man. You don't think about shit like that when you're doing stuff. You know what I mean? You're just thinking about trying to make money. You're going to become Russian? No, I mean, if I do meet

a Russian girl that wants to marry me that's all that's not fucked in the head you know i uh i might learn russian i might learn how to speak russian okay well let's hear do you know any russian i'm not above right now i'm just using the translator fucking app and that that's, I mean... I know how to say a couple things in Russian. Like what? What is it? Pass me the vodka. The vodka? I can speak a bit of German.

And I think this is it. Ficklu de miserata hornsock. What? I mean, I think that means fuck you, you son of a bitch or something. Ficklu de miserata a bitch or something if there's people in Germany that might have fucked up maybe write in say it again

I'm guessing you definitely fucked up I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think

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I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think

I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think

I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think

I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think

I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think Well that's Yeah I know That's the problem But anyway You know what There is women out there I've been watching this Love after locked up shit There's women that love Dudes in jail For some reason

They want them So This doesn't work That's the problem They get out of jail They realize that This guy's a fucking Piece of shit

Who's fucked in the head and should be back in jail. I don't think we're that fucked in the head, are we? No. Don't be silly. Everybody goes to jail every couple of months

doing stupid stuff. I agree. Exactly. Women think that's what people are attracted to. Women are attracted to that shit. doing stupid stuff. I agree. Exactly. I'm being sarcastic. People are attracted, women are attracted to that shit. You know, like maybe you're the I don't know, the bad boy or whatever they fucking call you. Well, I'd like to just wait and meet a lady that's not interested

in somebody that goes to jail regularly, but maybe doesn't mind somebody that accidentally went to jail several times because their friends are fact in their head. Well, where the fuck are you going to meet them? Where are you going to meet them, bubs, huh? I don't know.

Nobody wants to fucking talk to people these days. Big fish or whatever it's called. Big fish or whatever that site's called. Big fish. Plenty of fish. Big fish. Kettle of fish. Giant fish. Well, if you go to kettle of fish and hook up, let's go fucking get a

coffee somewhere. No, they don't want to do that. You gotta fucking, you gotta talk to the Russian brides or I don't know. They're all over the place. You can fucking talk. Women want to get married, man. What's that app you use called Grindr? Kettle of whales.

It's not a kettle of whales. I don't do called Grindr? Kettle of Wales. It's not a Kettle of Wales. I don't do the Grindr Tinder shit. I'm talking about fucking a serious relationship here, bud. Like getting fucking married. You know, settling down with the kids. What's it called? I want to get married in 90 days. Here you go.

No, it's his fucking site. I want to marry. I want to marry. I want to marry a dick. A Russian jail dick. No, a Russian bride. Here we go.

What does this cost? It must cost money. Yeah, that's the problem. And, but it's basically the only, it's basically just a form of prostitution, except it's for life. No, man, I'm telling you, there's women, there's legit

women, holy fuck. Like, guys, it just seems so easy. It seems so easy to do this. Well, what have I been telling you your whole life? When something's too good to be true and too easy, it usually fucking is. Yeah.

What about that, bubs? I can't see it. Those are... I can't see it. Why? That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. What's the catch?

Is it prostitution? No, man. That's what I'm saying Murphy What's the catch Russian date dot com No man These girls want to get the fuck out of Russia Who wants to live in Russia man This is the land of opportunity Doesn't mean they're going to like you or love you They're just using you It's just like arranged marriages that they do in fucking India But this is even better

Because you don't have your family picking your fucking bride who could be horrible. She could be a total fucking dickhead. You're the one talking to these women and you're picking them. Yeah, but what if you pick one and you go through the paperwork and you're like do all the stuff and

you know, she comes over and then it's like, oh, you don't look quite like you did in the picture you didn't have a no you get bubs bubs you you fucking it's the did you ever hear of facetime something like we're doing right now yeah but i'm just saying once you know once the person actually arrives it's like oh you didn't have you didn't have big biceps and a mustache on FaceTime. See? I've been researching

this, man. It happens every day. Okay, well, then you order one. You fucking order one up, but don't come crying to me and Ricky when it turns out to be something different. Okay, well, this is what I wanted to get to. Thank you for telling me and being supportive like this, because you're the only one with a fucking credit card, and I need a credit card.

You're not using my credit card to order a Russian male bride. Not a chance. It's not a male bride. It is prostitution. You're going to marry a prostitute. It's not prostitution, man. It is. Nope, it isn't, man.

And there's sites in Singapore. There's fucking sites everywhere, man. It's whatever you want. You shouldn't have to pay your wife to marry you. No, you don't. You pay to fucking get on the site. I got it. Guys, it's 2020. It's not fucking

1987 anymore, alright? You gotta go with the fucking flow, man. I wish it was 1987 because you used to wear those big pants. Don't even get into that. Remember you had the MC Hammer pants? Yeah, I know.

Can't touch this. Can't touch this. What was it you used to sing, Ricky? It wasn't can't touch this. You used to fuck the words up. Don't touch this, was it? Don't touch this. Yeah, probably. Can't touch this. Don't touch this, was it? Don't touch this. Yeah, probably. Can't touch this.

Don't touch this. Can't touch. Yeah, I don't know what it was. You can't touch us, wasn't it? Yeah. Can't touch us. That's what it was. That's what it was. Can't touch us. Can't touch us. Can't touch us. Can't touch us. All right. You guys hear about that guy that... Julian, you should pay attention to this one. He got drunk. I think he drank like 10 or 12 beer.

He passed out. And his bladder exploded. Yes, he held it in, man, for like 18 hours. His bladder exploded. Three places, yeah. He passed out so hard that he didn't wake himself up to piss. Oh, my God. I think he would have just pissed himself in bed.

No, because he got so he that his body just shut down but did you hear about the other guy i think it was in britain somewhere ate 350 coins while drinking with his buddies died coins coins three he's like i can fucking swallow 350 coins all right go for it dude he did it died? Well, he probably had fucking metal poisoning. I'd say the coins ripped his sphincter apart and he bled it. He probably got poisoned, did he? I think he started shitting nickels, man, and just thought it was too much for his body. He died.

Oh, my Jesus. Death by shitting nickels. Can you imagine? He was like the human his body. He died. Oh my Jesus. Death by shitting nickels. Can you imagine? He was like the human ATM, man. ATM. I wonder if his buddies were pulling his arm like a slot machine and he was just shitting, you know. He shits out a bunch of

nickels. Some of their coins are small over there, but some of them are quite big. The guy that his bladder exploded, now did he die? No, he died. Oh, he didn't? I don't think he died.

He just fucked in the head. Well, once your bladder exploded, you'd be full of pests, right? There'd be pests going through your going all through your fucking veins and pests pumping to your heart. It's not a good situation. It's better to be full of piss than full of shit, I guess.

I don't know. That's right. Well, yeah, because piss is clean, isn't it? Not all piss, no. Piss is still a toxin, for fuck's sakes. That's why it gets... I know, but... What do you mean piss is clean? I don't know, man. That's just what a doctor

said. You were in the piss game for a while. You should know that. Of course piss is clean. I don't know, man. That's just what a doctor said. You were in the pest game for a while. You should know that. Horse piss is clean. You know what? The stupidest fucking thing ever, alright? Don't even talk about that. It was fucking dumb. I can't believe you got in the pest game with Cyrus. Yeah, that's

a weird one. Yeah, you do pretty stupid things when you're young and stupid, huh? Fucking dumb. Cyrus can suck it. Yeah, he can suck it. Suck it hard. Holy fuck. Excuse me.

You know what I made the other day, boys? Homemade pizza. Holy fuck was it ever good. What kind was it? You're making my mouth water. Brothers pepperoni, green pepper, mushrooms, whole bunches of puto cheese. Un-fuck-believable. That does sound goddamn good right now.

Sounds great, man. Sounds good. Jesus, I'm getting hungry. Sounds great, pups. I might make a fucking pizza. I should have made one right here. Could have been making one while we were talking. Oh, man. fucking pizza i should have made one right here on the could have been making one while we were talking oh man did you see that there there may be some new pictures of the uh loch ness monster what the fuck next monster yeah that doesn't exist

oh there's some new pictures that are out they show something how how can't they find A fucking creature like that With the technology they have today Just like the fucking Bigfoot, Bubz Well, the Loch Ness Is a deep, it's a deep loch And there could be caverns Down at the bottom

There could be sinkhole caverns That have never been accessed And the cocksucker could live in there no problem. Are you kidding me, Bubs? Come on. I'm telling you, if the lock, you know, say the lock's a couple few hundred feet deep and it's a big fucking, it's a big lock,

you know, and then down you get to the bottom and then there's sinkhole openings and it goes down into a fucking unexplored cavern that hasn't been explored in thousands, hundreds of thousands of years. The cocksucker could live in there, no problem. Believe me. So, no, man, he would have to have gills, I guess.

Yeah, of course he'd have fucking gills. He could have Loch Ness. He could have Loch Ness. He could have. Ricky, he's an unidentified creature. He could have fucking, he could have could. Ricky, he's an unidentified creature. He could have fucking... He could have super gills, for all you know. So he's a fish, though.

We've determined that. No, man. There's a better chance of that fucking creature being your mother floating around in that fucking lake than it being a Loch Ness monster. Okay? No, I'm telling you. He could be prehistoric. He's prehistoric. He's prehistoric.

He could be like a swimming dinosaur. So he could have Jurassic gills, whatever. Yeah, there's a new, here we go. There's a new photo circulating of the Loch Ness Monster. But guess what? The fucking photo was digitally manipulated. So it's full of shit. There you go.

Enough talk about that fuck. I just said. Well, I'm just saying. There's lakes around. There's a lake right around here down in Oxford. The fucking thing just drained. Did you see that?

It was sinkholes or something, wasn't it? There was sinkholes, just like I'm talking about. There's a sinkhole at the bottom of the lake and the shale finally gave way and the fucking lake went drained. So can it be fixed or no? I mean, you could run the hose to it and pump the hose for 17 or 18 years. Probably fill her up.

Where did all the water go? Into the earth? It went down into the sinkhole that was below the lake. Jesus. So what happens now? I don't know. You've got a big empty lake, I think. We've got to change our maps.

Unless everybody in the neighborhood wanted to run their hoses to it and try to fill it back up. That's not going to work. It's a lot of rejigging. Get rid of a bunch of signs that said lake, whatever the hell it was. Yeah, what a shitstorm. I don't think dealing with the signage is the biggest issue, Ricky. I mean, they lost their fucking lake.

Taking down a few signs doesn't matter. It would suck if you had a if you had like a boat, you had a boat and a dock, and all of a sudden not much point of that anymore. Don't even have a way to get it out of the lake. Why would you? No more skating.

Your brain's fucked, man. No more fishing. What happened? Did the fish just go, I guess? I don't know. They might have went down into the hall to get deeper. I mean, they're going to try to stay in the water, no problem. I hope they still live Wherever they ended up.

True or false? True or false? Check this out. Yoda. False. I didn't tell you what I'm fucking. True or false? Yoda and Miss Piggy voiced by the same fucking dude.

False. Correct. True or false? Correct. True. How do you know? Because I know. I know.

He also did some other Muppet voices too, that fella. No, it's a woman that did Yoda. I'm sure. I thought a woman did Yoda. It's Miss Piggy. Yeah, she did. It's the same fucking person that did Miss Piggy. It is?

For real? Okay, true or false? True or false? Is there more McDonald's or more fucking hospitals in the United States? McDonald's? I would think McDonald's, but I don't know. That's it. Well, think about it.

A big city's not going to have fucking 60 or 70 hospitals, but they're going to have that many McDonald's. Even more subways. There's more Subways than there is fucking McDonald's. Is there? Yes. Subway has more locations than McDonald's. You mean restaurants or the actual trains? No, the

restaurants. Subway, sandwich restaurant. Because think about it. You can open one, you know, way smaller space than McDonald's needs a certain amount of area, right? But Subway, you can open one, you know, way smaller space than... McDonald's needs a certain amount of area, right? But Subway, you can open one in a fucking... basically in a closet if you need to. Yeah.

That's true. What other true or falses do you have? Okay, just a second. I got... Oh, Jesus. There's some fucking cocked ones here that I'm not gonna get into. I know you wanna hear them. I'm not talking about cocks. It's some fucking cocked ones here that I'm not going to get into. I know you want to hear them. I'm not talking about cocks. It's fucking fucked.

You just did. All right. Okay, what was the world record for the longest erect penis? Three days. What? Is this with an elastic or without? No. It's the longest cock, okay okay what's the longest fucking cock i thought you meant how long do you keep keep the erection for literally you literally

just said we're not going to talk about cocks and then you go what's the world record for the longest cock i know because because ricky fucking told me to do this, man. He wanted to know. Erect or flaccid? I don't know. Erect, I guess. 14 inches. Close. 13 and a half. That's enough.

That's all we're talking about. I don't know if you'd want that or not want that. It's a lot to deal with. Yeah. You'd probably that or not want that. It's a lot to deal with. Yeah. You'd probably get lightheaded, too. Well, that's a lot of blood, man. That is a lot of fucking blood. Yeah.

All right. Well, I thought you were dumb, Julian. Well, you are kind of. But I was reading about this guy that broke into someone's garage and he stole a bunch of shit. And he went back to his apartment and he realized he forgot his keys and he couldn't get into his apartment. So he went back to get his keys and he got busted. That's really dumb. Yeah.

What? Tell me that again. He did what? He broke into someone's garage, stole a bunch of shit, went back to his own apartment, but he forgot his keys so he couldn't get in. Oh, he left his keys in the place he was robbing. Yeah, so he went back to get his keys. Oh, man. Oh, my God. What a stupid bastard. But, I mean, you'd have to go get them because you probably have your name tag on them or your war amps.

If you had your war amps on there, they'd be able to trace you. So we'd have to go try to get them back. But that was a stupid move. No, that's like Corey Jacobs shit, man. It's brutal. Yeah. Yeah.

Vaginas are epic. That's what it's saying here. They're epic. I would agree with that. I don't know what you're talking about it's a weird statement to just sort of utter is there any follow up information

I mean a human can pass through them and they go back to normal you can get them high they can get high you put some weed oil in there they're high they uh i don't know you sound you sound like a crazy person you sound like a crazy person i'm just this is the internet shit man i'm just reading it they make their own lube they clean themselves on a regular basis.

It's a pretty impressive machine. It's pretty high tech. Yeah. I mean, you can say that about pretty much any organ in the body, boys. I mean, the liver, what a fucking machine that thing is. Oh, man.

Thank God we have a liver. Well, you should know better than anybody the power of a liver. Yeah, hopefully they can grow you a new one. Mine's fine. My liver is fucking fine. Your liver is fucked. I guarantee you. You can't pound

on something like that every day all day and expect it to be in perfect working condition. You don't do anything. Have you ever done a liver cleanse? No. You just keep pumping more liquor into it. No. Have I ever taken a fucking full bottle and downed it of straight

booze? No. Because that's the shit that fucking kills your liver. Not having a drink at a good pace throughout the day. That does fuck all to your liver. Well, I have known some doctors that would disagree my liver is like an olympic fucking athlete okay your liver is a lot of fucking probably looks like jabba the hot it's probably we're not talking about your mom here bubs who does look a lot like jabba the hutt so where the terrible terrible yeah you should think about your liver

man i don't know how your dad even banged your mother bubs because who would bang jack jabba the hutt nobody princess leia didn't want to well you don't gotta get personal. That was kind of mean, man. He's just telling you what to do. You know what? You can tell... You can see a nasty mama joke to me and I take it and it bounces right off me. You start crying, bubs. Well, your mother didn't fucking desert you, did she?

Well, yes, she... I never met her before. At least you had a mother for fucking five or six, seven years. Wow, enough with the mother jokes. She's telling you to watch out for your liver so you don't end up like Liverace and fucking die. Because it can kill you, man. Who, who, Ricky?

Liver, Liverace. Didn't he die of no liver? Liverace. I think he was a singer. he was a fuck he played the piano it wasn't liverachi Ricky it was lever liverachi with a b oh

and how did he die he died of something else didn't he liverachi I don't know if he did he die? Poor fuck. Yeah, he's dead. I know he's dead, but I thought he had cancer, didn't he?

Maybe not. I thought he had the hiv. The hiv? Jesus. Well, you know. That's not what it's called. That's not the proper terminology. I don't think that's how he got maybe he did I don't know I don't know enough about Liberace

I did like his god damn suits though he was a sharp dresser my god he was a sharp dresser he did have some snazzy suits Liberace he had a cape too didn't he did he have a cape I'm sure it's Liberace. He had a cape too, didn't he? Did he have a cape? I'm sure. I'm sure it's Liberace. He died of AIDS,

okay? He did die of AIDS, the poor fucker. I'm just throwing that out there, so I was right. Well, yes, he was, you know, he was flamboyantly gay, but he could play the piano, I'll tell you that, and I think he was a sharp dresser. I would have liked to have met Liberace. I bet you he

was a fun fella to hang out with. Oh, fuck. You know, he was always like, you know, upbeat and happy by the sounds of it. Was he all banged up and drugs at any point in his life? I think so. As far as I know, he was always rocking a martini. Alright, Buffs.

Who's better on the piano? Liberace, Billy Jewell, or fucking Elton John? That's a question. Well, I mean, that's a personal preference. I mean, some people would say that, you know, what's the argument? Who's more technically skilled or who writes better songs? Because you don't need to be completely technically skilled to write better songs i

don't know who was the most you know virtuoso what all right you you've got a fucking gun to your head and you have to answer it within 22 i mean two seconds who's better who's the best well personally i if i had to pick one i would say I'd go with Elton. Because Elton. Okay. But it's hard. It's a tough one because Billy Joel's a fucking, he's a monstrous piano player as well. And so is Liberace. But if I had to, music-wise, if you're like all you can have on a desert island from one of those three guys, I'd go Elton Joel. Okay, no, you can't say that.

Yeah, I just did. Okay, let's get back to the desert island. If you were stuck with one of these guys on the desert island, who would it be? Because I heard Billy Joel can be a fucking asshole sometimes. I heard Elton John can be a fucking asshole. I heard he was a nice fucking guy. Stuck on a desert island? I mean...

Who was the guy that freaked out on stage and almost killed somebody? That was Billy Joel. Man, he's not saying. Yeah, he tried to whack that guy with a mic stand. But I think he was probably all repped up on pills or something back then. That was in the 80s. Yeah, I think he was on the pills, yeah. on pills or something back then That was in the 80s Yeah I think he was on the pills Which one? Pick one

Well I think Elton would probably be A hard guy to deal with on an island Because he's gonna you know He's notorious for being Bitchy Or whatever He'd be pissed off because he wouldn't have all of his different clothes Exactly I think And Liberace or whatever. He'd be pissed off because he wouldn't have all of his different clothes. Exactly.

I think, and Liberace, I don't know that Liberace, I mean, he was such an extravagant man. I don't know how he would deal with the jungle that well. Billy Joel, now, he looks like he'd eat a fucking rat if you needed him to. So I would probably say Billy Joel, just because he, you know, he looks like his beard would grow in and he'd probably be able to, you know, he could skin a

monkey if you needed him to, with his bare hands. And you know what he would do? He'd end up making fucking some kind of booze. He'd get ripped up on, like, coconut rum, and he'd want to beat the fuck out of you. And I might be able to fashion some type of a piano type instrument that banged on coconuts or whatever you know like all you need is some

sticks with a fulcrum a fulcrum with some sticks and a rock on the end and you push the stick and it clonks on a different size coconut for different notes. I bet you Billy Joel could fucking play that and probably write a hit. Probably write a hit on the island. Coconut surprise. You're talking about building a fucking building a piano on

an island. With Billy Joel. If I could make a coconut piano that worked, I guarantee you Billy Joel could write a hit it would be the top number one hit while on the island for sure because it would only be me and him there but I mean if it ever got released on Spotify if we got a wi-fi connection and a mysterious song got uploaded and it said billy joel's coconut song from the island i guarantee you it could potentially go to number one okay what what would the song be like it's a cold like a coconut song that's a hard one man but he would

you know he'd be singing i mean he would it wouldn't be an instrumental because billy joel can say how do you think it would go How do you think the song might go though? Well, I mean, you'd probably, you probably wouldn't be able to play chords. Maybe, maybe, but it would probably be single notes. So, you know, some kind of a That's a coconut song. I am stuck on an island. I'm stuck on an island. I'm playing a coconut piano. Jesus. Coconut piano.

I got to go water my weed plants. Coconut piano. Coconut piano. You know what? You're starting to sound like fucking Tom Green, man. Yeah, I got to go. I got to go. I got to get the fuck out of here.

Give me a call later, Bubbs, and we'll talk. I got Russian brides to talk to. I might go. I'm going to go try to make a coconut piano just for fun. So fuck you guys. We'll talk to you, boys, soon. Try to do it. See you guys.

See you guys later. Be safe. Got to go. See you, boys. Get drunk. Get drunk. Get drunk. Thank you.