Trailer Park Boys Presents: Park After Dark - Episode 5 - One Hot, Sexy Night In Dallas

Episode Date: June 27, 2022

The Boys - and f**kin' Conky - are live and drunk as f**k in Dallas! Find out why Ricky's wearing tight pants, meet Cory's dumber-than-f**k Texan cousin, and singalong with Bubbles! Also: Which Irish jigger is gonna win a slow dance with Sexian?

How the fuck are you guys doing today? Right on. Wow, this is fucked. This is really fucked. I love this burn, by the way. This is fucking dope. What the fuck? I thought that was your mama, Ricky.

That's where she went. Just wait. Can we just... Can you stand the fuck up I thought that was your mama, Ricky. That's where she went. Just wait. Can we just... Can you stand the fuck up for a second? Stand up. I didn't see these until we just walked in. What are you wearing? Is this working?

I can't tell. Yeah, I know it's working. Am I on? I'm so fucking high right now, I can't tell if I'm... Thank you. Finally, some beautiful Texas green. Stand up, Ricky. Jesus, look at this shit.

That's service right there. Man, Snoop's got nothing on me. Stand up. I need to see these. What in the fuck are you wearing? Okay, they are... They are a little tight You look like you're trying out for the Cowboys I don't think I'd do very well

Alright, how's everybody doing in here tonight? Excellent Julian, why is there fucking people sitting on the stage? Yeah, what the fuck is this shit, man? Alright, I kind of set something up, and I didn't think it was going to work. It would have fucking worked. You were greasy, man.

What do you mean? Seriously, what the fuck is going on here? Hey, man, it's like fishing. You throw it out there. You get a catch. You don't get it. I got a catch. How many people are up here anyway?

How many people? Can you give me a gift? Yeah, get the fuck over here. I'll take a gift. Put them in the tub. Jesus Christ. CBD joints. CBD? Is that code for THC or

CBD holy fuck could we turn the heat up in here please it's a little chilly what the fuck anyway we're happy as fuck to be here the truth of the matter is It's a little chilly. What the fuck? Anyway, we're happy as fuck to be here. The truth of the matter is... The fucking airline...

Our flight got cancelled. We took an extra day to get here. And they lost our fucking bags. So I had to go to different various places to buy these fucked up pants. I don't even know what the fuck these are. Ski pants, I guess. The suitcases, Ricky, the suitcases may not have got lost, per se.

What do you mean they didn't get lost? They weren't technically lost. Something happened to them, but don't worry about it anyway. I'm trying to track them. I have anyway. I'm trying to track them. I have nothing. I'm trying to track them down, okay? What are you talking about? I've had no underwear on for three days. Oh, great, Ricky.

No, that's not good. Especially in tight pants. The ladies seem to think it's good. I like it here a lot. Who wants to see Ricky's bare wiener? Whoa! Jesus Christ.

No, no, no, you don't want to see his wiener. You know what? There was quite a mixture there of guys and girls. Yes, this guy. This guy was cheering big time. Here, just wait. Which is great. Just wait, I want to see

who we're dealing with here. What's your name? Patrick. Patrick. And you want to see Ricky's wiener, do you? What's your name? Kimberly. Kimberly. Dave. Dave. We got a fucking Dave. What's your name? Kelly. Kelly.

Jesus, look at all the people. What's your name, bud? Clark. Clark, you used to be the Mr. Clean fella. I love your cleaning products. I don't think so, I love your products. What's your name? Misty. Misty. And? Holy fuck. And holy fuck. Oh, this is great, bubs. That's right. Hey, right on. Jesus Christ. All right, you're better than real Corey.

Big time. That's Corey. What's your name? Leslie. Leslie. All right, you're better than real Corey. Big talk. That's Corey. What's your name? Leslie. Leslie. All right. What do you do with that dick? That was bad.

So Julian sold seats on the stage. That's so fucked. For actually a lot of money, Bob. Are you going to do something for them, Julian? Like, are you going to pop the shirt off or something? No, no, no. That's not going to happen. No, I thought that we probably want some people to make some drinks for us, maybe.

That's a fun thing to do. Oh, you're going to make them work. Fuck big time, man. I'm going to have fucking Corey here. All right. Have Corey make me a fucking drink then Alright Corey Do you think you can mix me a drink please Just top this one up a bit

No I don't want to fucking smoke Get the fuck over here Corey Alright top this up man Nice Would you like a drink? All right, we don't have any mix. We got any mix? I'm not drinking.

Mix? All right, there's one thing about drinking. You don't want to drink too much of it straight, become Leahy drunk, and you're fucked. You don't remember an awesome fucking night. You got to pace yourself, for fuck's sakes. There's nothing wrong with being Leahy drunk. You pace yourself for fuck's sakes.

There's nothing wrong with being Leahy drunk. That's right. Yeah, but in Sunnyvale, we don't unless you're Leahy. And look what happened to him. You know what? What? He got fucked up. If even though we did not get along very well, we miss Mr. Leahy like crazy. Yeah, okay.

All right. Let's give a toast to Mr. Leahy. We miss you, bud. He was the liquor. If he was, listen, if Mr. Leahy was here right now, he'd be fucking pissed drunk, probably in his underwear,

and he'd be up here, and he would be going, he would be yelling, he would be yelling I am the liquor! I am the liquor! I am the liquor!

He would too. Alright, yeah, he's the liquor. I guess we have to get someone to come up and mix some drinks from the bar or else we get fined or something. Do we have a bartender that can get the fuck up here and help us out? Like seriously, we need some

The who? Oh, right on. We need a bit of mix. I want to be able to have fun tonight and not end up in jail drunk as fuck. Why? I'm not. Okay.

What are the jails like in Texas? Because I've been watching some shows. They're probably not great. They're not fucking like the ones back home. I'm guessing they're not great. They're shitty? What's the food like at least? Do they have satellite television? Fuck.

Okay. No, we're not going to jail. Yeah. Video games? No video. Okay. What about like Chicken Fingers Tuesdays? And Pizza Wednesdays?

Nothing? No jail. Tacos? They got tacos? Hey. What is it with real meat? No kidding. Okay.

When the fuck did I write all these notes? Thanks for the bags. I don't know, Ricky. We got fucked around. Our flight got canceled. We got in late. And we've been pretty fucked up ever since. But apparently I made some notes.

That's pretty good, Rick. I got some facts about Dallas, I guess. All right, okay. We've been here a few times, but we don't know a fucking thing about Dallas, really, except for the cowboys. And you got good liquor. I don't remember any of this, but... And it's fucking hot as fuck.

Holy fuck, it's hot in here. Okay, gentlemen. It's really hot. Prepare to have your minds blown. All right, Rick. All right, Ricky. Not really, but... Did you know the term Super Bowl was coined in Dallas?

I did not know that. No fucking way. Did anybody else know that? The NFC Championship. Yeah, it was coined in Dallas. The frozen margarita machine, invented in Dallas, 1971. All right, did you guys know what a fucking great invention that was? Guess what do they make?

Do they make frozen margaritas here? Do you want one? Somebody fucking bring me one before I fucking faint. I'm fucking red lining here. Alright, this is another good one, Bubz. And Julian, you'll like this one. Alright. The first

ever professional cheerleading squad, 1972 Dallas Cowboys. You guys invented that shit. That's pretty crazy. The greatest cheerleaders in the world, as far as I'm concerned. Holy fuck, I got some rolling papers here earlier. 7-Eleven originated in fucking Dallas.

Their head office is still here. Did you know that? 7-Eleven. Ricky, I'm blown away, man. I don't really understand the name, though. So it's open from like seven, like four hours? That's kind of a shitty business fucking plan, no? It's open more than four hours, Ray.

It's not open from seven to 11. All right, what does 7-Eleven mean then? What does that stand for? It's just seven days a week, and it's open 11 hours a day. Okay, I never thought of it like that. They close for one hour to clean the fucking pissy toilets. And there's 11 hours in a day, folks? There's more than 11 hours in a day.

Even I know that. Oh, yeah. It should have been like 723 or... I don't know. They close every 11 hours for one hour. Is that true? Can anybody confirm that?

It's 24 hours, Buzz. You're full of shit. So what the fuck is the 11th hour? It's confusing. Anybody know? We've got to You're full of shit. What the fuck is the 11 part? It's confusing. Anybody know? We've got to learn about this fucking place. What the fuck is 11 about? Corey, do you know about the 11? It rhymes with seven. Okay, that makes sense. They couldn't just call

it the seven. Seven 11. What about seven heaven? Well, that's not bad either. That'd be a different story, I guess. That'd be a sex shop. Okay. Did you know that Dallas was home to Bonnie and Clyde?

Get the fuck out of here. They're fucking buried here. No, they aren't. They are. All right, where are they buried? I've got to go visit that. All right. The internet fucked up.

They're not... What? Okay. They're not even dead, Ricky. They're still alive. What? Bonnie and Clyde were never captured. I always wished they were my parents.

That'd be cool. What the fuck are these? Yoo-hoo. Jesus. Yes, frozen margaritas, please. Okay. That's not a frozen margarita. What the fuck is that?

Would you guys all like a frozen margarita? Yeah, who? What the fuck is it? Okay, guys. Okay, so I want a great big picture. I'm going to buy frozen margaritas for everybody on the stage. Oh, look at that shit right there.

Oh, you don't have frozen margaritas. What the fuck? This is where you guys came up with... Can I get ten more of these then for the people on the stage? Yes. Should I have one? No, you're not getting one, Reggie.

Fuck. How many people are up here? How many seats you're not getting one, Ricky. Fuck. Let's see. How many people are up here? Like, how many seats? There's nine people, Bob. Nine. We need 17 more frozen margaritas. Let's get 11.

All right. Let's get 11 frozen margaritas. All right, Bob. Next, we're going to talk about famous fucking people from Dallas. You ready for this shit? I'm so ready, Ricky. One of your idols, Stevie Ray Vaughan. Oh, I know.

I know. Fucking can't believe that happened. The helicopter shit. What the fuck? That sucked. Stevie Ray. He was so awesome. Nora Jones.

Nora. Yeah, she fucked Ted in Ted. Ted who? Yeah, that movie. She what? She fucked a teddy bear, Ted. Oh, she did it. That shit was real. I'm not sure how it works. I don't know. Do they have cocks?

Teddy bears have cocks. They've got furry cocks. Really? got furry cocks. Really? I don't know. This is like, Corey,

do you want one? No, 10 bucks. Don't put your fucking arm up. 10 bucks over there? Here we go. All right here, man. I'll get your money later.

There's a lot of famous people. Post Malone. Post Malone, no fucking way. Meatloaf. The way. Meatloaf. The meat. Meatloaf. Yep.

Objects in the mirror. Vanilla ice. They appear closer than they are. Vanilla ice, I guess. Vanilla ice is from here? And there's a rumor that he may have fucked Meatloaf? What is this?

What? No, Ricky. There was a rumor that Vanilla Ice fucked a meatloaf, not meatloaf the person. Ah, okay. Boys, was that a no? He was at a party one night. Was that true?

And it was late night, and somebody put a meatloaf in and baked it, and when it came out and it was all warm, apparently Vanilla Ice fucked it. Okay. I can see that. Yeah, that makes sense. It was not meatloaf.

Vanilla Ice definitely didn't fuck a meatloaf. Are you kidding me? No, it's apparently a pretty accurate story. Was it good, or did he complete the mission? Dennis Rodman He's from Dallas We met him He's an interesting dude

You guys ever meet Dennis Rodman? He's a very interesting dude He's pretty interesting Owen and Luke Wilson Oh yeah What the fuck does that say? Team Sexy? Owen and Luke Wilson. Oh, yeah. What the fuck does that say? Team Sexy? Oh, King's X Bar.

Okay. And apparently, I don't know why I have this. It says they may too have fucked Nora Jones. Is that real? Nora Jones. Does she get around? I don't really know much about her. Nora Jones?

No. Does anybody know Nora Jones in here? We have to confirm this. I like her singing. I didn't know she liked... What the fuck is this? Okay. Thank you.

Oh, excellent. Sharon Tate. Sharon Tate's from here? From Dallas. Didn't know that. She, uh... You don't know who Sharon Tate is? What?

Sharon Tate is your wife? That's not good. She's dead. Sharon Tate was one of the victims of the Manson family. Yes, I do. And Mark Cuban, who was on our animated series. Mark Cuban, yes.

He claims he invented the Cuban sandwich. I don't think he did, but it's up for debate. He never claimed that, Ricky. Maybe that was the drugs. I don't know. Alright, I think we're good. Hey, who here's high tonight?

Right on. So what's the deal? Is, like, pot legal here or not? Why not? I don't know, like... Jesus Christ, look at this shit show. Tonight is going to get messy, I think. Well, let's hope so.

You know what? No matter what the fuck happens tonight, no matter how drunk we get, and how hungover we are tomorrow, before I leave Dallas and go home, I want to go down and see the book suppository and all that. I want to see that shit. It's pretty famous, and it sucks what happened, but I want to see it.

You want to see what? What is he talking about, Bubz? What did you say, Ricky? The book suppository. A suppository? It's not a suppository. The school book suppository. You fucking rammed a whole school book up your arse, did you?

What? I don't know what you mean, man. That's a suppository. You put it up your arse. It's a school book depository with a D. Not a suppository that you ram up your hole. Anyway, I want to see that in the grassy hole and all of it. The grassy hole.

Ricky wants to see the grassy hole in the school book suppository. It's got to be done. Just a sec, guys. We got milkshakes up here or something. What the fuck is that? Julian's milkshakes brings all the boys to the yard. Jesus Christ, we got more. This is insane. All right, boys, just a second.

What the fuck are these? They keep coming. All right, give me one of those fucking things. You're reconstructing white Russians. All right. White Russians are fucking awesome I'm going to tell you guys one thing if there's days that you're hungover as fuck and don't think you can drink you get these going

and you can drink it's like a milkshake I'll have one of these motherfuckers we were in Europe and Julian met a lovely white Russian man. Holy fuck, boys. And he's been addicted to this. Guys, check out these Yahoo fucking drinks.

Take one. All right. Woo! Yeah! I got a new drink. Right on, Corey. Right on, guys. Is it good?

All right, is there booze in this thing? Get the fuck out of here. Holy fuck, that thing's unbelievable. That was fucking delicious. That tastes like a goddamn chocolate avalanche. Like, how many ounces are we talking here? What the fuck is this called? How many shots?

Two, three? All right, something else famous from Texas. I like it. Holy fuck, if nobody's ever had one of these Yoo-Hoo Yeehaws, Yahoo. Okay, you know what? Go order one. Yeah, a little tip with this thing. Get it up to four ounces.

Like four shots. Because that's, I mean, that's fucking chocolate milk. We have chocolate milk. You guys have chocolate milk in America? This is what chocolate milk tastes like. No, they, that's fucking chocolate milk. We have chocolate milk. You guys have chocolate milk in America? This is what chocolate milk tastes like. No, they've never heard of chocolate milk. It's a fucking Yahoo drink. You don't think that... Chocolate milk's only

in Canada. You don't think they have brown cows down here? Fuck yeah, you can. Do you like Girl Scout cookies? Do I like Girl Scout cookies? What the fuck kind of question is that, man? What the fuck kind of question is that, man? What the fuck is that? It's going to taste like a Thin Mint Girl Scout cookie. Thin Mint Cow?

Okay. You know what? He's a mixing machine. This is the land of opportunity for Julian. I got a good, this is, I'm liking this. Are we adding more liquor to my drinks, are we? Get the fuck out of here with this, man. I'm going to become an alcoholic with drinks like this. There's no way I can live here, guys.

I'm sorry. You know what? I'm starting... I need a detox. Help yourself. The one thing I'm starting to hate about Texas, the hospitality is awful. It's just...

It's terrible the way you guys treat people. That is a chocolatey delight. This is fucking awesome. Julian, I think we should... Can we stay a couple extra days, guys? Julian, I think we should have some kind of a contest for the people on stage and the winner

gets to slow dance with Julian. That totally tastes like Girl Scout cookies. All right, boys, I think I might have found my wife. I gave her shots. She's like, what the fuck is that? What is that? A soup? That's pretty awesome.

Yeah, just a sack. I can't cheers with a yahoo. Nice. Wow. Yeah. So for anybody that doesn't know, we are shooting a thing called Park After Dark right now. Oh, fuck.

I forgot about that. Yeah, this is... This is going to be on, isn't it? I think so, isn't it? That's not good. No, it's fine, Ricky. I got tight pants, man. Not cool.

Yeah, but you got a big armadillo in there. I wish. I wish I did. You got a great big moose knuckle on you. I hope I don't have a camel toe, do I? You got a moose knuckle. Do you guys have moose in this place? No, no moose?

Moose. There's moose everywhere back home. What the fuck are you talking about? Moose, moose. Yeah, the Texas moose. The Texas moose knuckles. You got Texas moose knuckles? It's a dangerous fucking animal.

I fucking love moose knuckles. When you're talking about more than one, it's not moose anyway. It's meese. Bull fucking shit. It's meese. Bull fucking shit. It's not meese, Bob's. It's meese. It's moose. I saw three meese in the field.

You know what? You sound like me right now. Bob's, how much have you had to drink tonight? Seriously, meese? I had a half a quart of tequila. There's no meese out there. It's moose. So here's the question.

Are you drunk enough to sing? No, I'm not. All right. Not yet. I'm not drunk enough yet. Fair enough. Fair enough. I'm drinking, though yet. Fair enough. Fair enough. I'm drinking, though.

I got all kinds of liquor drinks here. So what the fuck was... People are coming up today saying that that little cocksucker Conky might be here. That's not true, I hope. What's up with that, bubs? I will fucking... I will destroy that fucking little cocksucker.

He's not... It's fine, Ricky. He better not be. I don't know anything about conky being anywhere. All right, good. I was afraid that was true. And I would fucking snap just so we were clear. So I think we should have some kind of a contest for the people on stage.

And the winner gets to slow dance with Julian. I like that contest. Male or female? Boys. Or both. Number one, I don't dance, Bob. That does not happen. Oh, you don't dance. Oh, no, I don't fucking dance. You dance in front

of the mirror. No, I don't. Dirty dance. At night, we've seen it. Full fucking shit. You got some moves, man. I don't have the moves. All right, Buzz, what are you doing? What's the contest? What are you thinking?

I think we should have a contest of something. I agree. Yeah, what should it be? This guy knows all the Swayze songs. And I swear. Dude, can you not look at me when you're singing this? It's making me, like, very uncomfortable. Like, no, man, don't do that.

You're making eye contact, too. What? You're making eye contact. I'm not making eye contact with him. A little bit. What the fuck? Holy fuck, guys. Thank you for getting drunk with us tonight.

Like, we... Yes. Thank you. This is like the first real drunk on we've had since this trip. Because... It's been a little fuck for us. We went through a lot of bullshit. And tonight we're letting loose.

Thank you. What? Okay. What? Okay, what the fuck is going on now? All right, bubs. No, no, no, no, no. Hello, Richard. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Hey, Ricky. Hey, Ricky. What, you little fuck? Don't talk to him, Rick. Just remember, I've killed you before, and I will definitely kill you tonight in Dallas. Hey, Ricky, I noticed you got a lot of splinters in your lips.

You got a lot of splinters in your lips and your tongue and the back of your throat. Bob's. Come on, man. No, I'm just saying, I won't tell anybody about the splinters. If you don't tell them, I got a wooden cock.

Can you deal with this before I fucking... Don't ruin this fucking night for us, please. I'm having a good time. We're relaxed here. We got totally cocked up right now. I got a wooden cock, and Ricky's got splinters in his lips. I got a wooden cock, and Ricky's got splinters in his lips. Guess what?

Splinters in the lips and the back of his throat. You got a wooden cock? Splinters in the back of his throat. You got a wooden cock? Bubs. He's got a wooden cock? I got a fucking chainsaw for his wooden cock, Bubs. Yes, get that out, Ricky. Snap that fucking thing right off right now. Give us a kiss, Ricky.

Give us a kiss. Give us a kiss. How about I give you a piss? Give us one little kiss. Fuck off. Come on. Give us a little kissy-poo. Okay, we're done.

Get rid of him, or I fucking kill him. It's up to you. Ricky, I cannot be responsible for everything he says. He's his own person. Well, just so you're clear, I may have acquired a handgun since I've been in Texas. Oh, fuck. Where'd you find that, Rick?

I love how available they are. It's fantastic. Well, maybe I acquired one too, dickweed. Oh, yeah? Your tiny little hands. What is it, a little fucking 22, you pussy? Oh, my Julian. My handsome.

This does not bother me in the least bit. Julian Patrick Swayze You were so fucking sexy in Roadhouse and fucking Dirty Dancing. Bubs. What? Put the fucking puppet away.

Yeah, you shut the fuck up with the Patrick Swayze shit. All right, number one, I look nothing like the motherfucker when he was alive at all. A little bit. There's no resemblance.

I don't know what the fuck's going on with that. A little bit. What? Long lost fucking son. Fuck you, man. Jesus, fuck. I don't know

where that came from it's fucking ridiculous well you used to sing he's got splinters in the lips and the back of his throat and I got a wooden cock

what the fuck are you doing, conky? Can you hold my mic? Yeah, here. I'm killing this little fucker. All right, just take care of him, please. Ricky! Ricky! Choke him out, Ricky.

Choke him out. Ricky! Let him go. Light him on fire. Ricky! Get rid of him. Glass him. Fuck him.

He's a fucking man they call... Reving! Reving! Reving, he's going away. He's going away he's going away just leave him alone I want to have a fucking good night tonight I want to hear some fucking music

I want to keep drinking I want to smoke some shit and I'm hoping I might even black out a little bit tonight this is the last night we can really fucking let loose in Dallas Texas bubs let's fucking let loose In Dallas, Texas, bubs Let's have a good one

Let's have a fun night We don't want to be fucking dealing with a puppet all night, bubs For fuck's sakes Jesus Okay, he's gone away Alright, let's turn it around We gotta get some barbecue while we're here Yes

Where's the best barbecue in Dallas? In Austin, I heard. Is that true? I don't know. No, you're getting it. Sure. Right there. She must be from Austin.

We heard a rumor about her at eight. Is that good? No. I remember about Herd 8. Is that good? No? We were also wondering where the fuck that name came from. Like, does the owner... I thought... Is he 8 when he's Herd, or, like, that's... I thought Herd 8...

I'm jealous. I thought Herd 8 was a sex shop. It could be. Fuck, I wish I was Herd 8. shop. It could be. Fuck. I wish I was hardy. Oh yeah? Really? Is it close? Terry Black

has a hard eat on him, does he? Terry Black's got a hard eat. Is that someone's house or is that a restaurant? We need some fucking barbecue before we leave Texas, please. We have to. Yes, we can do that. We need something like Ironworks.

Fuck that. That was the last barbecue we had in Texas. That was amazing. Yes, that was a good one. One sec, Ricky. Is that a fucking hair growing off his chin that's like five inches long? Check that.

Underneath. Right under there, Bob. Is that a mutant hair? It's just hanging there. Jesus. Have you not shaved that spot for like 10, 20 years? Julian's really checking you out. I'm not, man. He had this hair hanging down. There's one area that your mother asked me not to shave.

Oh, fuck. That was nasty. That's real funny. I've never met my mother. Thanks, everybody. Really appreciate that. Laughing about mama. There's one area when I'm putting the blocks to her,

she says, hey, don't shave that neck area because I like your dangler. Just so you know, this is the perk after dark. This is going to be on me. All right. This is going to,

other people are going to see this. What the fuck is going on here now? Are we setting up fans and shit? All right. Thanks, man. Is that a fan? Oh, fuck. That is amazing. All right.

Cool the Canadiens down. Oh, my God. That's amazing. Oh, yeah. I feel that, man. Can you tilt it back so it's blasting me in the face? That just saved my fucking life. All right. I can't say it's orgasmic, but it's close. It's fucking close.

Thanks, brother. Hey, do you want a drink? You deserve a drink, man. All right, bubs. I figured we need a dance competition for everyone on stage. A dance competition?

Yep. What does the winner get? Can you pay like an Irish jig? We could do an Irish jig competition. And they can improvise? Yeah, we could do that. What's the prize, though? Julian?

How about some... A slow dance with Julian? Is that still the prize? Yes. Or something like slow... You don't want a slow dance right now. That'll bring the mood down. I heard you're a really, really good slow

dancer. Thanks, brother. I appreciate you wanting to slow dance with me, but I'm fine. Okay. Thank fuck. We're going to play some tunes. Okay. We are going to have a fucking competition right now. Okay.

You know what I don't have, though? What's that, bubs? A pick? I don't have a fucking guitar pick. Fucking Jesus. Who's got a bread bag? Hey, you got one? Just suck.

We got a guitar pick right here. Jesus Christ. Fuck yeah, we're in Texas. This is service right here. People play the guitar in Texas. Handing it down. Handing it down the line. What?

You got me a pick? Do you want me to mic your fucking shit or what? What? No. We got an extra mic here. Oh, it's plugged in, Bugs. No, it's not. It's plugged in, but it's not working. We're going to put it on the stage. Corey, you can check out what the fuck's wrong with this guitar.

Get the fuck over there. Get the fuck over there. Get the fuck over there. The fuck, Corey. Corey, follow this fucking cable. See where it goes and see if it's... What the fuck? Corey, get the fuck over here. Corey, get the fucking thing done.

What the fuck are you doing? Corey, here's the cable. Trace it. See where it goes. Jesus Christ. What the fuck are you doing, Corey? You know what? He's dumber than Corey.

He's way dumber there. But Dallas Corey's way dumber than the Sunnyvale Corey. I didn't think that was possible. I think he's actually a Corey Jacob hybrid. Put the fucking hand down, Corey. Jesus Christ. Yeah, just sit down. That's out there, isn't it, through the PA? Is it out there? All right. Put the fucking hand down, Corey. Jesus Christ. Yeah. Just sit down.

That's out there, isn't it? Through the PA? Is it out there? All right. We're good. All right. So. Yeah.

There we go. All right. Nice And the men who hold our places Must be the ones to stop To mold a new reality Closer to the heart Closer to the heart The blacksmith and the artist Fuck off, man. I'm serious.

Hey, Bob, spur the fun. We got enough of that cocky guy. Forge creativity Closer to the heart Bob, fuck off. Bob's smart as fuck. He got enough of that conky guy. Bob's creativity. Closer to the heart. Bob's. Closer to the heart. That's good.

We're done. That was awesome, Bob's. Fucking conky. All right. Usually fuck up that part. That was good. Okay, and on to the dancing competition. Okay, who wants to do, who's going to be the first contestant

in the Irish jig dancing competition? Julian, show them how it's done. You're good. All right. All right, here we go. Corey, do you got some Irish in you? Come on, Corey. Get the fuck up there and do some dancing.

Get the jig on, you fucker. I got a good feeling about you. You could be the winner here. I fucking smell weed, too. Where the fuck's that come from? Woo! All right, and we're going to give away this cock. All right, Corey, get up and do a jig.

You'll get a cock. This will be your reward. Here we go. Come on. All right, get the clapping going. Get the legs going, Corey. Up and down, yeah. Lord of the dance, motherfucker.

What the fuck? Yeah, okay, not bad. Not bad, not great. All right, here's your cock. Take that. No, no, he didn't win. That's the trophy, man. Give me the fucking cock back, Corey.

What are you doing? Fuck, you can't give it to the first person that performs. All right, it's... Okay, what are you doing? Fuck, you can't give it to the first person that performs. Alright, it's female. Okay, what did you guys think of Corey doing the Irish jig? It wasn't...

It wasn't great. Fuck. Corey, you suck. You're right. Female Ricky, do you have any moves? Do you want to go? You can't do worse than that. Yeah, do you want any moves? Do you want to go? You can't do worse than that. Yeah, do you want to do the Irish jig? Come on, get the fuck up.

All right. Female Ricky. Yeah, here we go, Bumps. Yeah. Yeah, she's going for it. Nice. Kick the legs up. Nice.

Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Woo. All right. Nice Take the legs up Nice Yeah Okay Woo Alright Okay I'm a big fan That was pretty nice What'd you guys think of The female Ricky version

Thanks a lot She crushed She crushed it Corey Alright you people on the back Who's got the Irish Jigs There's people behind you here Alright What about you guys Yeah Get the. Who's got the Irish jig skills? There's people behind you here. You're just skipping over the hammer.

What about you guys? Yeah. Get the fuck up and do an Irish jig. This is the shit we do back in Sunnyvale because there's a lot of Celtic shit back where we live. Oh, he's got some game. He's got some game. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Be careful here. Let's hold the table. Dangerous. Very nice. Be careful here. Let's hold the table. Dangerous. Very nice. All right, sit the fuck down. You're starting to look ridiculous, dude. You do that in jail, you'll get fucking shaked. He clearly watched Riverdance.

Don't ever do that, man, again, please. He had a pretty good jig going, though. Okay, we're back here. Should we change it up to a different type of song? Get the fuck up with all the names in back here. Should we change it up to a different type of song? Get the fuck up with all the names in his shirt. Should we change it up to a different type of song? Okay. Here we go.

All right. She sounds confident. All right, this is for the Golden Cock Awards. You got it. Oh, yeah. Feel it. There we go. Go your ancestors.

All right, not ancestors. All right. Not bad. Not bad. You're doing good. Lord of the dance. Come on. Right on. I like it.

That was not bad. Okay. Is that enough? I can't believe we're having a dance competition. This is fucked. Well, you got to declare a winner, Julian. Okay, let's do this. Okay. Is that enough? I can't believe we're having a dance competition. This is fucked. Well, you got to declare a winner, Julian. Okay, let's do this. Okay.

A winner? Yeah, it's just a second. We'll let everybody here. Do you want to do an Irish jig? What about you, brother? No, don't fucking do it. Nobody else wants to go? You've definitely been in jail.

Okay. You know. We have a new. Let's go, bubs. We have a new hopeful. He's coming in hot. You got this, brother. He's got a new hopeful. He's coming in hot. You got this, brother. He's got a great shirt.

Hands in the pocket. That's a good, I like this. I like it. Nice style, brother. Confident. A lot of confidence. Hands in the air. Final move, man.

Get it going. Get it really going. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Hands in the air Final move man Get it going Get it really going Oh yeah Yeah Yeah This is great Okay Alright sit the fuck down We've had enough of you man

So Don't do that man Ever again Anybody else want to go Or are we good Okay Is there any other contestants We need to pick a winner

We're good He's too high to move It's okay man We respect it Alright let's pick a winner. We're good. He's too high to move. It's okay, man. We respect it. Let's pick a winner quickly. Okay. We're going to let you guys decide. Very quickly.

All right. Dallas female Ricky. Okay. Oh. All right. That's pretty good. All right. Okay.

Pretty good so far. Dumb ass here. Fuck. He went below zero. That was not good. All right. Her with all the fucking names on her shirt. Yeah.

Okay. Sort of. She did good. You did great. I thought you did a great job. All right. The guy's been in jail probably 10 years of his life. Which I really respect.

Let's hear it for him. He's Irish. He's Irish. jail probably 10 years of his life. Which I really respect. He's Irish. He's Irish. That was pretty good. Our man over here in the black t-shirt. A bit of danger. Jesus Christ.

I think it's pretty clear. Stand up. Dallas female, Ricky. You get the Golden Cock Award for your fucking Celtic jig. What does she win? The cock. No, she's supposed to win a slow dance with you. No, she's winning the cock. No, he's going to play a song, and you have to slow dance with her.

Boys, I don't want, we don't want to play slow music right now. Julian, just listen. Just listen. I'll play this song. Just give her one slow dance to this. Jesus. That is a sexy slow song right there. You got to do it, man.

One slow dance. Let's go, Julian. Bubs, Bubs. It's not happening. Number one. Boo. No, listen. The Dallas beat.

Boo. Boo. One slow dance. All right, everybody shut the fuck up for one second. Slow dance. Slow dance. Slow dance. No, no, no, no, no.

Slow dance. Slow dance. Jesus Christ. Corey, this is your woman. All right. Put the fucking hand down. This is serious shit. You know what?

If you're not going to fucking do it it I guess I'll have to fill in Ricky go for it You got the pants Someone's gotta fucking fill What the fuck man You're a romantic guy You broke up with Lucy You were the prize

Yeah but I don't wanna bang Fucking Corey's woman At the end of the night You're not gonna bang her That's slow dance That's what slow dancing Turns into No It's not happening I would not do this To my man Corey at the end of the night. You're not going to bang her. That's slow dance. That's what slow dancing turns into.

No. It's not happening. I would not do this to my man, Corey. Don't bang your buddy's fucking girls in Sunnyvale. Jesus Christ. Rule number two. All right, Corey, you're in, I guess. Corey, you're going to... Okay, Corey, get up and dance with your woman.

Get up, bud. Boom. She wasn't a cock. She's going to go home to this guy. What a letdown. What a fucking letdown. Yeah, that was bad. Okay, Bob's playing. Can we do some of these lights?

Does that happen? Make it romantic. Can we like do some of these lights? Does that happen? Make it romantic. Okay, guys. No? It would have been a buzzkill anyway.

You have to do this. I don't have to do this. Fuck, man. Yo, you come on. You come. Get the fuck out of here. This is bad. I'm not dancing with another man's lady. I'm a gentleman.

He's letting you. He said it's all good. Dude, Corey, you're as dumb as fuck. This is a lesson. Okay, no. You want to dance with her over there? Her? Okay.

Which, what, who? Okay, get over here. What the fuck is going on here? Yeah, see, this is, this is, all right. Woo! Jesus Christ. Things got much better. I like it.

Look at this. Wow. Isn't this nice? Yeah, that's nice. All right, on. Okay, Bubs, listen. I wanted to party tonight. I didn't want to slow dance.

No, you wanted to fucking ruin everybody's night. Bubs, play something that's going to make us want to drink. Does anybody else in the room have a guitar pick that's not flimsy as fuck? Anybody got a real guitar pick? Hey, he's got a couple. Jesus Christ. This guy is prepared. Okay, let's see what...

What are we thinking? Oh, this one's good. This one's fine. Yes. Yes. Well, I guess it would be nice if I could touch your body. Bubs.

You know that everybody has got a body like Julian. What the fuck? What the fuck is he singing? Bubs. George Michael? Where? What happened?

I blocked out. No, he wasn't. I blocked out. Is he from Dallas? Is he from Dallas? Really? Holy fuck, we're learning a lot here tonight. I'm pretty sure that would have come up.

No, he's from England, man. Oh. Oh, he was for the popcorn incident. Okay, he was jerking somebody off or something. We heard about it. Oh, he was jacking off, wasn't he? This guy, yes. No, he was sucking cocks.

It happens. I guess there's no... up here anywhere, right, with the guitar that I can hear it? Nope, there's not. Okay, this is a song here. I'll play a song. This is a song, if I can remember the words, called Who's Got Your Belly?

Yeah. That's a tune. Nice. Are we all dancing up here on stage? If you guys want to dance, get up and dance. Go for it. Yeah! That's a two. Nice. Are we all dancing up here on stage? If you guys want to dance, get up and dance. Let's do it. Anybody want to dance? Dance.

Well the word on the street I heard somebody say Is you had a real shit turn of the day So I looked in my pocket And guess what I found Did you just wait in there to take you to town I got a five-finger discount Coming your way I'm a fingerball wizard I just give it away

You're looking for some belly work Well, don't be alarmed I got the friggin' tools on the end of my arm If you feel low, I'll put my peanut in your jelly. Get the fuck up. I'm drinking, Ricky. Who's got your belly? Uh-huh. Well, people got milk

and people got game. They're both a fashion, but they're not the same. When my baby kicks my belly, she sets me on fire. If the ride is feeling hard, it my belly, she sets me on fire. If my God is feeling hurt, it's because there's air in my tire. When I kick your belly, it's a show I care. Six packers, fair tire, fully clothed and fair.

Looking for some belly work, well, don't be alarmed. I've got the friggin' tubes on the end of my arm. The hockey game's in overtime and someone broke the telly. No one's got your back, but who's got your belly? Take it, Alex. Woo-hoo. Dance, Ricky. I'm not a good dancer.

Come on, Ricky. All right, give me something fast. I'm going to fall down. Fucking dance. I don't fucking dance, Ricky. Oh, yeah, at least take your fucking shirt Ricky. Oh, yeah. At least take your fucking shirt off. Or your pants.

Let's see them titties. Okay, bring it down. Bring it down. Bring it down in case the titties come out. Here we go. Here we go. here we go. Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit. You got a problem and we're going to fix it.

You got to aim below the tits above the belt. With just the right pressure so you don't leave a welt. Line up single file, you all know the drill. If the left one don't get you, then the right one will. Looking for some belly work, well, don't be alarmed. I got the friggin' tools on the end of my arm. If you feel low, then you got to bend, baby. No one's got your back, but who's got your belly?

Come on. If you're feeling sick, I'll get you feeling welly, welly. No one's got your back, but who's got your belly? Might throw a dart and all that's open is the deli. No one's got your back but who's got your belly? You might be good at grammar but you're terrible at spelling.

No one's got your back but who's got your fucking fucking belly? Who's got your belly? Come on. Well done, Bubs. Well done, Bubs. Yeah.

Nice. Decent. Bubs, that was awesome, buddy. Did you see Julian dancing? He went for it. You take it. Take your shirt off. Take your shirt off. You take it off. Dudes. Julian.

Julian, the mob is calling for your shirt to come off. Take my fucking shirt off, pussy. You know what? Why? Okay, here's what we're going to do. We're going to clear the table off And Julian's going to do 60 push-ups Hopefully it doesn't collapse

Because you are a big man But it looks pretty sturdy I think we can pull this off 60 push-ups with Corey on his back One-handed push-ups. Pops, man, I'm trying to drink and have a good time.

I don't want to do 60 push-ups with this fucking guy on my back. Hands down, Corey. Fuck off. What's coming down the pipe here now? All right.

The kitties are so nice. Kitties are so nice. Get them down Spin them around Tickle their bellies twice Kitties Kitties Kitties are so

nice I found Daisy in a storm drain Covered in liquor and glue I took her home and I cleaned her off With kitty shampoo Kitties like to sleep a lot They don't do much of anything. But every kitty I ever met likes to fuck with string.

Kitties are so nice. Sing it! Kitties are so nice. Get them down, spin them around, tip their bellies twice. Kitty, fucking kitties, kitties are

so nice. Every day I thank the Lord and baby Jesus as well. Helping me turn my shit into kitty cat hotel. Fucking tell. Sing it, Bubs. Yo.

It's just like Bono, man. That sounds like Bono a little bit. Nice. Kitties are so nice. Kitties are so nice. Get them down. Spin them around. Tickle the bellies.

Not once, but twice. Kitties. That was beautiful, bubs. Tickle the bellies, not once but twice. Kitties. That was beautiful, Bubz. That was beautiful. Kitties are so fucking nice. Yeah, Bubz. Well done, my friend.

Well done, motherfucker. That was nice. That was awesome. That was beautiful, buddy. Fuck, I haven't played that one in years. Nice. Love you, Bubs! All right, Bubs. Usually we do this in Cernyville around a nice bonfire.

We get all fucked up. We're smoking joints because it's legal in Canada. Like, fucking crazy. But there's one song, man, that's our favorite song. We should do it tonight. I know, but it's a different fucking... It's a different time these days. It's a different world right now.

We don't like to offend people or anything, but... I get it. I do get it, but... Okay, well, let's just see. Let's see if everybody in here likes the things in question. Well, let's start with your uncle way back when he wrote this song. You're not trying to offend anybody. No, this is a song that my grandfather used to sing at the Legion.

That's right. Back home in the 50s. When it was cool to say that. Yeah. Does anybody in here like liquor? Yep. Liquor's good. And is everybody familiar with Ladies of the Evening?

It's a very, it's a profession that goes back centuries. That's right. Centuries, I say. Yep. It's a very noble profession. It is. Your mom was one of them. She was a nice woman, though, Bob.

She was nice. She was great. Yeah. Very talented. Yeah. In what she did. She was nice. She was great. Very talented in what she did. She had some premium services. Your mother entertained more semen than Bob

Holt. Alright, that was nasty. I'm staying out of this. Jesus, we're going to have to edit that one out. Okay, this is a song. I'm going to sing it because we're in Texas. Maybe I should sing it with like a Spanish flair. Very cool, Bob.

See, I do that, buddy. I didn't, you know what? I didn't know Bob Ho was gay. No, Ricky, he entertained semen overseas. That was what he did. Oh, fuck. Okay. I'm talking about the, you know.

Different type of semen. Yeah, that was totally different. I get it now. I'm a little slow. What the fuck is going on now? Oh. Your mama. They're still good, man. I like the mama jokes. They're still good. I like them. They still work.

Yeah. It's close enough. Are you happy now? It's close enough for rock and roll. Jesus, fuck. This is a song called Licker and Horace. Licker and Horace. We need some dancers here. Let's go.

All right, you guys can dance if you want. All right, let's go, stage people. We're dancing here. No one's dancing? What the fuck? I'd rather get something. Get the fuck up. Shut the fuck up.

Get the fuck up. Shut the fuck up. Yeah, get the lighters up, you guys. That's cool, dude. Yeah. Cell phones are a good time. Just get them up with the lights. Let's go, Ricky.

Let's see some dancing. Oh, fuck. That was bad. All right, that happens all the time. Don't worry about it. Sorry, babes. Do-do-do-do-do-do-do. No, I don't need it. I'm fucked.

Ricky is fucked. Yeah. And you guys are, you're not helping me out here. Like Jesus fuck. All right, here we go. You gotta,

you have to sing sing back up there. You have to sing harmonies. Can you do harmonies? Ricky, would you shut the fuck up? Liquor and ho. You got it. That was good. Liquor and ho.

Nice. Keep going. Liquor and ho. All right, help this guy out. Liquor and ho. All right, help this guy out. Liquor and ho. Liquor and ho. He's totally fucking this up. Come on, man.

I can't remember the other fucking words, so I'm just going to keep singing. Liquor and ho. And then one night Down at the Legion She walked in I was drunk on gin Fuck gin, man And I was dancing with a lady friend What's it say, buds?

My wife, my wife said, hey, boy, oh, you better fly the fuck home. But I said no! Because of five little words I could have fucking swore

I said to you Nice. What were the words, Pubs? And those five words were I like liquor and more Liquor and more. Secrets and dope and mustard and bologna. Liquor and more.

Okay, let's hear you, Dallas. Come on. Liquor and more. Yeah. Liquor and more. Secrets and dope and mustard and bologna. Sounds like a fucking church choir. Sing louder than that. Come on. I like liquor and horse Liquor and horse

Here we go Secrets and Dope Dope, dope, dope, dope, dope Cigarettes and dope. Dope, dope, dope, dope, dope. Finally, I have some fucking dope in Dallas. Thank you. You guys are awesome, and I can't fucking wait to smoke this. Ricky.

Love you guys. Ricky, it's one serving of dope. One serving is not enough. It's been a fucked up trip, and I need ten servings. Cigarettes and dope. Thanks for the vape pen, the hash, the shatter. You guys are fucking amazing. Thank you.

Thank you for looking after us Canadians. It's legal there, so this is great. Thank you. Please come to Canada, everybody, and drink with us. I didn't mean to interrupt your song. Cigarettes and... And... Thanks again.

And mustard. Thanks again. The mustard. Thanks again. The Yahoo drinks that taste fucking awesome. And bologna. Nice. And liquor and. Yeah. Yeah. And liquor and... Oh! Yeah! Yeah!

Yeah! Liquor and whores! Yeah, Bubs! Fuck yeah! Woo! Right on, Bubs. That was awesome, brother. Decent!

Sweet. Decent. Sweet. Decent. See, that Corey came running over like a roadie. That was good. Grabbed my guitar. That's the fucking first thing he did all day. He's learning, boys. He's learning.

It took him a while, but. Right. Right on, Corey. You come to Sony Vail anytime, brother. You're awesome, man. All right, Corey. You can come to Sony be on anytime, brother. You're awesome, man. All right, boys. Is it like time to take a little piss break and do some

serious drinking? Yes, I think so. I think it is. All right. All right, just a sec. We want to introduce Peter from the Fan Expert. He's drunk. He's the guy that was setting up all this shit for us. This guy right here.

Let's give him a hand. Let's get Peter up here. Peter. Woo. This was actually Peter's idea to do this. He did come here to do this. Thank you, Peter. I think it was pretty good.

Thank you. Thank you so much. Hey, Peter. Thanks for bringing us here. And yeah, this is awesome. We want to thank you guys. Take off your shirt. Take off your shirt. Take off your shirt.

Take off your shirt. Take off your shirt. Julian. Julian. All right. You know what? We've seen a lot of you guys. We remember your faces from today and yesterday.

It's pretty cool that you guys came out to see us. We fucking appreciate it. And thanks for coming to get drunk with us tonight. Thank you. Because this is what we love to do. All right. We love you guys. Let's get fucked up.

Let's get fucked up. Hold on, chairs. Corey, I don't do this very much to Corey back at home. You did a great job, buddy. Thank you. Thanks for coming out, everybody. Thank you. Cheers, everyone.

Unreal. To see the video version of Park After Dark in Ricky's trailer. Go to swearnet.com or download the Trailer Park Boys Swearnet app.