Trailer Park Boys Presents: Park After Dark - Episode 5 - The Great Sunnyvale Bake Off

Episode Date: June 28, 2021

Julian's got himself banged up in jail after an incident at the strip club - so Randy's taking his place! They discuss the red-hot Sunnyvale housing market, Randy's jail lover, and renting out Julian's trailer on Airbnb. Also: Ricky and Randy want to make a cooking show - but what should they call it?

Let's get this done, bubs. It's stuff to do. You always got stuff to do, Julian. Hey, welcome to Perk After Dark. I'm Bubbles. I am Ricky. I'm Julian. Nobody is gonna believe this. Are they? I'm itchy.

I thought I could take it, but I can't. I can't take it. Oh my God, it's Randy. Fuck, Randy? I had no idea. Holy frig, Bubs, I thought I could wear a shirt for like a minute, but I can't. Now you're getting all red. Look, you're breaking out all under your tail. Lift your tail up.

Oh, look. Friggin' shirts, it must be detergent in the shirts. Anyway, I thought I could be, I could be muscly though, look. Look at the guns. It's kind of weird though that whatever you have kind of just ends at your waist and you're able to wear pants.

This is sticky too. That is weird. I don't know, the doctors can- It's like an upper body allergy. Leave that one on, Randy. That one looks good. Leave the top one on. No. No.

Yeah, that looks good. You look like... Rondé, the Frenchman. Did I get them all? Yep. Rondé. Oh, there's this one. No, leave it. I like it. You look like fat Chris Hadfield.

I don't know who that is. The astronaut! Oh! If he gained, you know, 150 pounds. This tape. There. Oh. Randy's back everybody. You look like Randy now. I'm glad you shaved that big shit-knocker beard off.

I wonder where that name came from. What? Hadfield. What's his name? Well, his first name's Chris. He's got a field. What was the name of the... No, he used to. The field burned down. Chris Field. And then when his field burned down, he became Chris Hadfield.

They used to have a feud or something, a family feud. The Hatfields and McCormicks. He's not a Hatfield. The Hatfields and the McCormicks. Yeah, they fought a lot. I don't think it was the McCormicks. Who was it? McCourty's or I don't know.

The McCoys. Oh, there it is, McCoys. Well, he was on Star Trek. Hatfield's even another weird name. Is it Way to Grow Hats? Yes. Or just a Field of Hats. I bet you McCoy had to treat Captain Kirk for all kinds of disease.

Captain Kirk used to go and visit everybody, so he'd have to get tested. How do you test for alien diseases? Well, they have to be like, woo, loo, loo, loo, loo, loo, loo, loo, loo, then they get tested. And then they get down around his wiener and the thing goes boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop.

He might have babies all over the friggin' universe, Captain Kirk. Yeah. Well, anyway, I can't believe Julian. Where's Julian anyway? Where is he? He fucked up. Again?

Yeah. It's a long story, but it involves swish. Oh, for sakes. He made fucking swish during the lockdown. Oh, for friggin'. Didn't tell anybody, and he got fucking banged up on it. Went to the strip club. Bouncers tried to throw him out.

Got a little heated, I guess. Muscles kicked in. Bouncer up over his head. Off the patio. Swish rage. He had a bouncer throw him clean across the parking lot like Donkey Kong. I remember the King of Donair, he was down there on the dirty old swish with that big brown dirty dog eating pizza crusts and shit. Helly Fred.

Maybe you should go to jail and visit him, Randy. I'm not going to jail. I don't like the fucking food there. Have you talked to Freddie anymore? Freddie? Once, once in a while. Freddie, he's not the best communicator. No, he's not. Is Freddie out now?

I don't know if he's out or not. Freddie's in and out. Yeah, he's been in and out several places, eh Randy? Well, Freddie, he's a good lover. I'll give him that. To Freddie, boys. Yeah, to Freddie's love-making abilities. Not sure I should cheers to that.

Well, everyone should be a good love-maker. All right, cheers to that, I guess. Wow. Cheers to Freddie's humping abilities. No wonder Julian drinks these. These are tasty. So what are we going to talk about today, guys? I don't know.

It is June the 25th. It's almost over. What is? June. There's a big party coming up, boys, in how many days? Summer solstice. No, no, no, I know what you're talking about Ricky. How many days in June?

Oh, Canada Day. 28th? No, no, no, June, that's... February's got 28 days. June 31st? Is there a June 30th? No, 30th. Okay, so in six days... So we probably should start the pre-game show. 30th. Okay. So in six days.

So we probably should start the pre-game show. Happy birthday, Canada. Yeah. How old is Canada anyway? Oh, so we're supposed to do another one of these the day after Canada Day. We're going to be too banged up. Then we've got to do July the 4th. That's going to be a good party as well. That's the four-day party we normally do. Start

June 30th. What's that? Independence Day? So the Canada Day will be on the Thursday. Yeah. And I guess the other one will be on the full Sunday. It's going to be a hell of a weekend. Boys, oh boys.

It's going to be a full week of liquor and dope. So next time on The Park After the Dark, will we still be in our Canada Day party mode? I guess we'll be just finishing up, will we? Or do we just keep it going? Oh, I think we just barrel right through. Probably be shit-faced.

Don't be getting too friggin' shit-faced, Owen. Are you going to cook some food this year? Yeah, I'm gonna make my big Canada Day burgers. Oh, yes. Every Canada Day burger has to be a double and has to have extra cheese. Yeah. Because it's like a double day.

Double day. Yeah. Double day. Ha! Keep your arms down, Randy. Yeah. Double A. Keep your arms down, Randy. Real estate around here has gone a little crazy. Are you getting more money for trailers? Like, is there bidding wars and shit?

Because some of the houses are selling for, like, fucking $300,000 more than the asking price. It's turning into Toronto for fuck's sake. People aren't leaving Sunnyvale right now. They're staying in Sunnyvale, Ricky. I guess, where would they go? They're just, they're happy here, and they're at home. There's been a lot, there's been a lot Sunnyvale, Ricky. I guess, where would they go? They're just, they're happy here and they're at home. There's been a lot, there's been a lot more fires, though. People having fires.

I'm sorry about that. No, just that they have them out in their fire pits. How long is Jimmy going to be in jail for? We should rent out his trailer on the Airbnb. Oh, yeah. We should. We could rent that out, probably make a thousand bucks. That's not a bad idea.

Rent it as a muscle trailer. He's got weights. A muscle museum. That's not a bad idea. Remember there was a muscle trailer. He's got weights. A muscle museum. Check in on a Friday, check in on a Sunday, and you've got four pounds of new muscle. They could use all of his muscle waxes and his muscle grease and his muscle milks. Yeah, and his weights.

Julian taught me, I worked out with Julian, so I could train some people a little. I don't know, Randy. I mean, maybe yoga. You used to do yoga. I'm good stretching. Very bendy. Yeah, it's important. Flexibility. So if you're on your back and you get your legs up like this, do you look like a butterball turkey? That's us, Freddie.

No, no, no, no. I'm too hairy to be a turkey. They're hairy turkeys. They have feathers and turkey. Turkeys are little, have you ever seen, they'll peck ya. That's chickens. No, no, turkey, they'll run up and peck ya. Oh, I never tangled with a turkey before.

Don't do it. But I've gone toe to toe with a lot of roosters. They eat ticks though. That's a good thing they do turkey do that chickens do chickens and no turkeys do do you if you don't want any tick i've been concerned because i don't i don't wear shirts did you have any more ticks after you got that one off your scrotum no i got they're gone now he had a tick right up under his, right in his tank, basically. Who the fuck removed that? I don't want to talk about it, but it's gone.

You've got to be very careful. You need special tickers. Thanks for not asking me. You need the twister tool. Tick twister. Or a drop of peppermint oil. Well, I don't have any of that. Why do you have peppermint oil? Because it smells nice. Who put peppermint oil? Because it smells nice.

Who put peppermint oil on your taint? Steve. You meet Steve, yeah? Steve is very, he knows the, what do you call it, the natural, naturopathic. Naturopathic? How many men you got on the go these days? That's none of your business, Ricky. You're slutting it up a little bit.

No, no, the COVID. I've seen multiple men coming from your trailer. Those are just repairmen, and I was getting my internet going properly. That's cold. Yeah. I had problems with it. Getting your Wi-Fi connected, was he? I couldn't. Digging into your router?

It wouldn't reach back to the bedroom. It's going to increase the speed. Sometimes you want to look at stuff in the bedroom. He had to get right into the settings of your router, did he? Get right in there. Fiddling around with it. Get the speed. What's the router do?

Depends what we're talking about. Roto-router. Router, I know they can do an edge on a table Rectal-roader A rectal-roader Ricky, there's no rectal-roading Rectal-roader Router

Boys, I got a fucking pretty good buzz on here Yeah, not too shabby Fucking Julian I can't believe he's in jail Poor fucking cunt. I just wish that that's dumb move. How long is he going to be in for, do we know? He's not sure, but...

We should have got him on the Skype or on the Zoomer. We could have called him on the Zoomer. He's got a cell phone coming, and he said he'll be able to talk to us soon. Right now, it's just... Well, when I left, they had the computers in the room. He could use one of those. Yeah. Up in the, you know, the shit room up there.

They maybe got rid of them, though, because they got caught doing the, you know, the call center stuff. He's probably in there running things, though. He's probably working out. You know, Julian, he's always got something going on. Yeah. Yeah. So I kind of got side-cocked.

I was talking about how fucked the real estate market is here right now. In Colorado Springs, it's way more fucked. There's a house that just went up for sale for $590,000. It's completely soaked in urine. There's fucking a deep freeze in the basement, unplugged for six months, full of meat. There's shit inside all the drawers of the furniture. Shit? Shit all over the floors.

Animal shit and human feces. Every single wall has graffiti on it. Suck my cock. Fuck you. Eat my ass. Did you live there? No, but it sounds like a good time. All the appliances are destroyed

and spray painted and pissed and shit on. Well, if they turn off your power What a bargain. If they turn off your power and water and you need to shit you might as well shit in one of your drawers, right? Anyway, she put it on the market.

It was a lady? A woman shitting everywhere? Anyway, she put it on the market. It was a lady? The real estate agent. Was it? A woman shitting everywhere? This was the title. Urine-saturated home dubbed Little Slice of Hell. Listed for $590,000. She had 16 written cash offers in 24 hours.

That's because if you use just plain vinegar, it will get rid of... You've pissed in my shoes so many times. Vinegar usually gets rid of at least 75% of the stuff. Well, whoever's buying it, I assume... 590 grand? Like, holy fuck. I assume the people... How big is the house? How many bedrooms?

It's a five-bedroom, four-bath. It's got a view of the springs, I betcha. If you look at it... You'd have to strip it right down to the fucking studs, I would think. If there's urine in the drywall. You just get a spray bottle full of vinegar, spray it everywhere, let it sit. Remember when you pissed in Randy's light sockets and it got in the walls? How did you deal with that?

Did you have to cut the drywall out? It still smells like piss. I just put an air freshener. But the thing is, is Ricky has weird diet and his piss smells the worst than anybody's. That's what it is. I don't know what it is. I think it's the mixture of donair liquor and dope. It was also two cats that unfortunately

were left in a bathroom that didn't fare out so well. So the bathroom was just covered in shit and piss and dead cats. Okay, see now this lady, she should be put in jail. just covered in shit and piss and dead cats. Okay, see now this lady, she should be put in jail. You know what, I read that this week, I read it was National Forgiveness Week, Ricky, so I forgive you for pissing on my shoes. Thank you, Randy.

That's nice, Randy. That's, but. Maybe you can forgive him for rubbing your sunglasses on his back. I can't forgive him for that, but I'll forgive you for being a dick. See? That's the way it is. Right there.

Excuse me? I'm impressed that Ricky makes notes and stuff, Bubz. This is... Ricky, you're mature. It keeps me something to do. It's one day a week where I gotta actually get to search around and find some little stories. And if I find something that's fucked or funny,

then I want to share it. And you haven't been such a dick lately. You really haven't. Coming from you, that really means a lot. Maybe I'll have to up the dickiness. What's the name of that fucking place that we go to in the valley with the roller coaster? Is it open yet? Magic Valley the valley with the roller coaster is it open yet magic valley

because it's it's roller coaster week upper clements park oh nice one it is too come to upper clements that's our only we the only place we can go here is upper clements they got an old roller coaster on old rickety wooden ricky i mean he feels like it's gonna break wouldn't even call it a roller coaster well it's not it's not like something. Wouldn't even call it a roller coaster. Well, it's not. It's not like something at a flag place or whatever. Come to a proclamations park. Yeah. It's Aztec anyway.

They got laser tag there too. I saw some swans. Remember when the motel got on your fucking iPad-y thing and you racked up $400 of the charges on that little thing? Yes. And I'm sorry about that. I will pay you back at some point. Oh, yeah. I'm sure of it. He got off pretty easy because there was a baby on an iPad

on his mom's iPad and he got into the Tesla app and he somehow upgraded her Tesla with this auto-drive package for over $10,000. Nice. Nice. Nice. That's a fucking,

that's a huge kick in the nuts. Or they did it and then they regretted it and they're like, oh, the baby did it. She said she just got a bill from her visa and it was 10 grand.

She's like, what in the fuck is this for? I said, yeah, you went into your app and upgraded your car. Did they come and put the parts on it? It's just a software thing,

I think. That's a nice little skin. Oh, Jesus. Software upgrade. Tesla's got you by the cock and balls. I think they should come up with a car

like, you know, Optimus Prime or something. I mean, if Tesla can make that, they could probably make something that... that well like a transformer yeah so you can they have those you drive they do so then movie was on maybe you could just

you know you drive your car home and it mows your lawn or some shit that'd be pretty freaking cool be like the new like maybe there's a tractor comes out and come back oh i can feel myself getting dimmer sitting between you how me too but we're learning things that's that's why i always learn something on this show yeah i learned how you are oh i'm. What else you got, Ricky? Anything else that's good? This was kind of funny. One of these parents, this guy knocked up his girlfriend. He said she got pregnant on purpose.

They're about to break up. So I don't know why she would do that. Anyway, they hate each other. So the kid got born. They couldn't agree on a name. So they each call her a different name. Well, that's convenient for the kid. What's the name?

How different are they? They wouldn't say what they are, but they said they're extremely different. Oh, Jesus. Is it was a boy or a girl? It was a girl. That would fuck the kid up. Yeah, your dad's calling you Doug and your mother's calling you Jocelyn. Jocelyn and Doug. You're just priming the kid to have, you know,

split personalities. I've never heard of somebody doing that to their kid before. That's fucked. If you ask me. Maybe it's a good thing. I don't know. You have two different names. If it was like Jocelyn, Doug,

you know. What if the major had a spit personality, though? Maybe the first name was Jocelyn and the second name was Doug and then would the last name be the same? What was the guy that lived in the park when we were little that had the name right on his birth certificate shit bag? What was his real name?

Francis? Francis. name? Francis? Francis. Yeah, Francis? Yes. How did he end up with Shitbag? Somebody didn't like him that worked down at the registry and they officially changed his name to Francis Shitbag. That's a good fucking hit.

He got teased unmercifully. Yeah, because, I mean, there's only one way to get a shit bag. Well, sometimes if you've shit your pants, it gets on your bag. I don't know if that's what it meant. But sometimes it does. That kind of a bag. I thought it just meant a bag full of shit, like a zombie's bag. I thought he was dipping his bag in.

No, that's... Why would you do that? If you have too much gluten in your diet, then you shit dipping his bag. Why would you do that? If you have too much gluten in your diet, then you shit on your bag. It comes out spray and away it goes. Jesus Christ. Murphy. How often do you shit in your bag, Randy? A couple times a year.

But I've changed, folks. I have. I now only, I don't have as much buns. I was trying to be fancy and making like the big- This does seem like it's gone down. Yeah, but I was making burgers with the extra bun in the middle and now I've- You gotta start eating more or we're not gonna hang out with you anymore.

What are you talking about, Ricky? If you all of a sudden look normal and start to look a bit sexy, I don't want people to hang out with you. You think I'll look sexy? Well, if you keep going you might. Oh man, that's nice. Stand up, Randy. Let's see the fucking thing.

I still got a belly, boys. Yeah. Yeah, but it's about half size. Yeah, it used to be out there, at least here. I was having a hard time for through screen doors and stuff. Stick it out as far as it'll go. Yeah, I mean it used to be a wave, like out here. Well, anyway.

You can't even set a drink on it anymore. I can set a drink on there. Well, maybe not. What are you clocking in at with that thing? I still gotta buy a scale. You go down to the truck stop and hop on there. I got lots of scales. Yeah? Not ones that would fit him. I got lots of scales. Yeah?

Not ones that would fit him. I'd have to hang him from them. He's got weed scales. You could hang me from my belt buckle. We need a... What do they call those things that the rope goes over and you... A pulley. A pulley. Yeah.

I think I might have one of those. Block and tackle? Yeah. Cock and tackle? Yeah. Cock and tackle? That's for taking motors. Get Randy strung up from the ceiling, hanging by his arse loop. Actually, Mr. Lane and I still got one of those

nice sexual swings. You know what, we should hang him up. Like a black captain. Just start spinning him. Yeah, put it on a swivel so that it doesn't coil up. I think we should always cook when I'm here, though, Ricky. It's better. Why don't you guys start a cooking show?

Cooking show? Yeah, I mean... Well, because I would out-cook them. I've fucking learned how to make some pretty crazy shit during this cock down. Yeah, but I know I've made better. I'll have a cooking show where you battle it out. Why don't you? I don't think of much of a battle.

What would we call it? Trailer Park cooking? Oh, that's a fuck, Randy. How'd you come up with that? You must have been up all night thinking of that. Or Sunnyvale shit slingers? Sunnyvale shit bake. Fuck, Randy, how'd you come up with that? You must have been up all night thinking of the names, were you? Sunnyvale Shitslingers? Sunnyvale Shitbake. Sunnyvale Sloppy Joes. Sunnyvale Shitbake.

That doesn't sound very good, actually. Shitbake. The Great Sunnyvale Bake Off. Oh, now we're getting somewhere. With fire. Cooking with dicks. The dick off. No, that sounds like you're pulling your wieners out and showing them to each other.

We could call it tasty friggin' food. Tasty friggin' food. On the Food Network. How about two minute friggin' meals? How about I will outcook the shit out of you? We could do it. I know some good recipes that I've come up with. How about you can't cook, dickface? There we go.

How about learn how to cook, Frigger? We should ask the people watching to write some suggested names in the box. For a Randy Rickey cook show. I think a Randy, which could end up in a fist fight. Don't ever say Randy Rickey. I'm always top builder. Well, alphabetically I'd come first.

Because R-A is before R-I. Fuck. Right? See? Let me sleep on that. Okay. Well, when you write the names on the logo, they should be in a circle,

so there's no way to tell whose name gets said first. Or you could have the R, and it goes Randy one way, and then Ricky goes backwards, Ricky that way. And they meet with the Y. R and R. They meet at the Y. The Ricky Randy rock and roll. So the Y. R and R. They meet at the Y. The Ricky Randy Rock and Roll. So the bottom of Y goes around.

The Ricky Randy Rock and Roll fucking cook-off. I think it's... The Ricky Randy Rock and Roll rectum router. But I think on the T-shirt, I'm not going to wear a T-shirt, but you could put like a cheeseburger and onion ring and you could put your pepperoni and chicken finger. What is it? You guys should dress up. You should dress up as a chicken finger and you should dress

up as a cheeseburger. Okay. And then have a battle royale. That's what they call it. You should try to beat each other with the food. Maybe you have a food fight at the end of every episode. No. Where you try to jam chicken fingers in his mouth. I'd bake something as hard as a bat. We can't have a food fight. French bread. Baguette.

Frick off. Dents. A baguette. Yes. Scaldin' soup. Why do they call it a baguette? Because Smurfette is girl Smurf. Bagette.

It's like a woman's bag. A woman's bag's her purse, Ricky. Well, they take their bag out. Her bum? No, a woman's bum is her bum. A bagette is a woman's bag. No! Ricky thought that. A bag, I think a bagette is a woman's bag. No. Ricky thought that.

I think a baguette is a type of baked item. Yes, it is. But why do they call it theette? Well, it's French. It's Francais. Speaking of which, the Tour de France starts. I'll go on a fucking tour of the France. So would I.

Especially if it was on a motorcycle. I'd love to see you on a fucking 12 speed bike in the Tour de France. I'd have one of the battery operated ones or the one with the little engine on the kind. You and fucking what was his name there with the one ball? Lance Armstrong. That's what I'd do. Does he only of one ball? I think he might.

Because one was Lance. That just goes to show you don't need two balls to achieve greatness. No, you just need some steroids. Or... I don't think it was that. I think they should allow battery-operated bikes in that figure. Because then if you got tired, you could just... What would that test? It just means that, you know what, you rest up

and then you see the racing really happen. Right? Or there's no batteries and you just race the whole time. I don't know. You can't fuck with the tradition, man. I think that they should make things ready to be changed. I think they should say it's okay. They should have a division

of bikes that have batteries on that. So that you don't have to be, you could be... It's called the fucking lazy division. Yeah. Or maybe somebody...

Why not just have Tour de France on motorcycles? There you go. Some Harleys do it. They do that in America. That would be good. Rev up France. And you could have... Some Harleys do it. They do that in America. That would be good.

Rev up France. And you could have some escargots. I do have a couple more things here. This woman ripped up her carpet in her new home to replace it. And there was a fucking outline of a body and a case number written there. Jesus Murphy. I can't freak you. I don't know if it was, see that?

If I ever saw my trailer, that's what I'm going to. Right underneath that rug there, I'm gonna put a fake one. A little blood stain, a little chalk outline. That would be pretty funny. A little case number. But then you could research it and tell that it's not real. But if you looked up an existing case number of an unsolved murder or a solved murder in the area. That might be good. This fucking collector paid $2.9 million for a Mona Lisa reproduction. Why the fuck would you spend that much money on it?

How much? $2.9 milsy. On a reproduction? Well, I mean, the original's worth what? I mean, it was from the 17th century, so maybe that's why, but still, it's a lot of money. Oh, well, yeah, any painting from the 17th century that's done well is probably worth some money.

I mean, not every idiot that was out there. 2.9 million seems like a lot, though. Was she the first painting to have two names? Mona Lisa?, like two? I can't imagine. It's just a fucking first and last name, isn't it? Was it? Yeah.

I mean, if her name was just Lisa, she probably wouldn't have been so popular. You could have called it just Mona, but there was already a painting called Mona. Yeah. There was one called Mona. Yeah. There was one called Moner. It was a painting by Leonardo da Vinci called Moner. Is he the guy that painted Upside Down?

No, that's a different guy. Who's Plato? What's he do? He makes Plato. Yeah? He invented Play-Doh. Yeah? He invented it. And he also does a lot of talking with big words. He must have made so much money because then they came up with those machines, you know?

He came up with it, but then he died before they had the factory. He could make the factory, yeah. The Play-Doh factory. He was gone before that opened. So somebody else got rich off his idea. And then they put it in a game. You play that game and you had to sculpt stuff. So Plato made more money.

What's it called? Branium or something? I don't know that game. Yeah, you could. Yeah, Aristotle must have made all the money off the Plato factory. Is that who it was? He made the, did he invent the throttle? Is that what he invented on a car?

Aristotle? Not Aristotle. Throttle and the choke. Should have, Mr. Choke did a good job. You're good at science. This is something that I can't figure out. Scientists have figured out a way to convert plastic waste into vanilla flavoring. Oh, Jesus.

I love vanilla flavoring. They used some. I love vanilla. I love vanilla. They used some kind of genetically engineered bacteria. That doesn't sound good. So the next time you eat a fucking vanilla ice cream or whatever. Well, there's a vanilla shortage in the world. That's why a little bottle of vanilla is $25 fucking dollars now.

Why is there a shortage? Because of the vanilla. The beans. Fuck. So now they're making it out of plastic. I don't want fucking the vanilla. The beans. Fuck. So now they're making it out of plastic. I don't want fucking plastic vanilla. I want the real deal. Madagascar extract beans.

You want some fucking vanilla beans? I'll fucking start growing them. If there's a shortage, maybe I'll make more off that. There's nothing better than vanilla. It's the ultimate flavor. I like chocolate more than vanilla. I like my cream cheese icing. Yes. There's good. I like chocolate more than vanilla. I like it in my cream cheese icing. Yes.

Vanilla is good. There's nothing vanilla can't do. Vanilla with chocolate. I'm gonna bake the shit out of you, bud, just so you know. Maybe I can make a dessert burger. What I realized during the fucking lockdown is using a recipe,

it's just like mixing up fucking fertilizers for your weed plants. You just take the amounts and you put it in a pan and it's the only difference to feeding it to your plants. You just take the amounts and you put it in a pan. It's the only difference. They're feeding it to your plants. You've just figured that out, how to work a recipe. I had no idea recipes were that easy to do. Well, all of it.

That's what it is, Ricky. I'll cook you, Ricky. I'll cook some shit. A recipe is a step-by-step. It's basically, yeah, you just follow the steps. It's easy. It's like somebody took what they make and know how to make it, and they wrote it down. You just remember that. I'm the king of cheeseburger took what they make and know how to make it, and they wrote it down.

You just remember that. I'm the king of cheeseburger techniques. I'll tell you exactly how to do it. I know how to cook. You never knew that? No, I would have been making good shit for years instead of the basic, basic shit. What did you think recipes were? For chefs. They had all these chef terms.

No, Ricky, there's basic recipes. Take one cup of flour, put it in the pan. It's really not hard at all. I was surprised. Do you know this? I've come up with my own. Like, I don't follow recipes. I just know what tastes good together.

Okay, well, I'm gonna outbake the shit out of you. Yeah, I mean, he's gonna go by famous recipes, and you're gonna be highballed. Well, if that's the case, well, I'm going to outbake the shit out of you. Yeah, I mean, he's going to go by famous recipes, and you're going to be eyeballed. Well, if that's the case, then maybe I'll do some... I also have some family recipes now that I've been making because I had them in the cupboard. I'm like, who the fuck is going to turn into a chef in this family to learn how to make these?

But I figured, like, even I can do it. It's just basically you follow the steps. As long as you have... They tell you exactly what to do. It's way easier than you'd think. It's true. It's like... It's crazy. It you follow the steps. As long as you have... They tell you exactly what to do. It's way easier than you'd think. It's true. It's like... It's crazy.

You should do the same. There's a recipe for life, Ricky. And it's like, be nice to people. That's what you should do. You write me the recipe and I'll see if I can follow along. Five steps to being nice. This is a weird one. A UK man legally changed his name to Celine Dion while he was drunk.

Well, there you go. Yeah, he was obsessed with her and he got wasted and said, I'm going to fucking file to change my name. She's talented. And very inventive. She's a pretty lady. Now he's like, I'm not even interested to really change it back. He enjoys it. I don't blame him.

Well, it is, I can't believe it's June the 25th, but some good people got born today. Carly Simon. Yes, Carly Simon, fantastic. You're so vain. Is that her? Yes, that is Carly Simon. Is that really written about James Taylor? There's rumors that it was. I heard that. I don't know.

You're so vain. You probably think the song is about you. Fucking vain bastard. Anthony Bourdain. Anthony Bourdain. There, you're talking about cooking shows. Yeah. He was fucking one of the best cooking shows.

It sucks that he's not with us anymore. That does suck. Poor bastard. Ricky Gervais. I'm a big fan of him. He's funny. Poor bastard. Ricky Gervais. Oh. I'm a big fan of him. He's funny. Ricky Gervais.

He's the fucking king. And he's handsome, too. Dougie Gilmore. Yes. Dougie Gilmore and Ricky Gervais have a similar... Fucking love Dougie Gilmore. We've met Dougie Gilmore. I think I've met him.

I met Ricky Gervais, actually. George Michael. There you go, Randy. He's one of the most handsome singers. I miss him. Yeah, we all miss him. Well I guess it would be nice. I didn't know his name was... Yeah, what? Georgios Kyriakos Panayiotou.

Yes, he was a Greek. Wow. He was Greek. Man, I bet you he could make a salad. Learn something new every day. Yeah. You know what else the Greeks are known for, Randy? You'd probably love them.

Well, I wish it would be nice. If I could oil up your body. They put big cucumbers in their salads with some oil. They do. They make a beautiful salad. Some olives. What's it called? It's a Greek salad, and they put different type

of cheese in it, it's not normal. Feta. All right, I need to go fucking, I don't know, I don't really have to do anything, but I should go anyway. I'm gonna start working on some recipes, I think, is what I'm gonna do. If you're using recipes, I'm gonna.

We should go call Julian at the jail, maybe. Maybe we should go visit him. I'll go down to the jail with you, with me. I'm not going by myself. I got work to do, guys. I can't go, but... Well, you weren't invited, Randy. I was talking to him.

Say hi to him for me. He's probably happier if you don't come, Randy. Tell him I think he's sexy and he's even in an orange jumpsuit. He did say he wants us to bring him down some swish cause he's having withdrawal. We're not, I'm not bringing him swish. He's just gonna suck on an old potato down there. I'll take him some ash and some edibles.

There, that's good. He can suck on an old potato. Well, this has been fun, guys. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. All right, well. You say over and out? We'll be back next week. Over and out.

Hopefully. You don't get to say that. See you later, alligators. Jesus Christ. Fuck off, Randy. Fucking idiot.