Trailer Park Boys Presents: Park After Dark - Episode 50 - Ball Gravy

Episode Date: May 10, 2021

The Boys are still locked down but they're taking calls, trading memories of Sunnyvale, dropping swish-making instructions, and wondering where the f**k J-Roc and Trevor went. Also: guess who's not wearing pants! From the LIVE broadcast on Friday, May 7th, 2021.

Jackie Jack. What's going on, pups? Can you hear me, Julian? Yeah, I can hear you. Are we doing a show right now? Yes, we're doing a show. I think so. How's it going, boys? I don't know. Is this live? Yes, we're doing a show. I think so. How's it going, boys? I don't know, is this live? Yes, it's live. Holy fuck, all right, man. How you doing, Ricky? I'm doing all right, man. Things are a little fucky right now in Nova Scotia, as you know. The goddamn pandemic is hitting us hard. Fuck! Okay, just wait It sucks Getting my bearings here, boys

Making sure everything's Give me a little testy-poo there, Julian Testy, testy-poo There he is I can't believe we're in full-on fucking lockdown again I know Yeah, I know It's a fucking nightmare, man

I'm getting sick of this shit Ah, fuck. Well, at least it's like almost summer, right? At least it's warm out. If you got to go live in the woods, Ricky, it's a good time to fucking do it. So give the people an update what's happening in Nova Scotia here, Ricky.

Do you know how many fuck cases there were today? Wasn't it like fucking 200 and something? 279. Yeah, one person died. This is fucking insane. I thought we were almost done with this shit. Yeah. That's what happens when you

have a big party, man. Fucking dummies. Stupid assholes. Fucking dummies. Now we're all fucked. Oh, just wait, boys. Holy fuck, we got somebody calling us. Hang on here. Let's see what happens here. Hello? Hello? Who's this?

What the fuck is going on? All this feedback. Jesus Christ. Pups, who do you have calling you? I don't know. Can you hear me? Can you hear me? Can you hear me? Can you hear me? Yes, who's this? Wow. This is Corey.

Where are you calling from, Corey? I'm calling from Oregon. Oregon. Oregon. So you just knew to call that number right there, did you? Yes, I did, sir. See that? I got the thing fixed.

Remember on the other one, boys? I had the wrong number up. Yeah, you had the wrong fucking number up. This is the correct fucking... This is the correct fucking buzz. I know it was, but this is the correct number right there. You don't do that one with that fucking drum. That is the correct number, guys.

Awesome. Holy shit, man. Yes, this is the correct number. All right. I didn't know we were having callers. What a surprise. Well, I didn't either, but the phone started ringing, so I answered the call, sucker. Nice.

What's your name there, bud? What's your name? It's Corey Smith. Corey Smith. Jesus. Jesus. Is that a wildcat in the background? I'm screaming there.

It sounds like a wildcat. Yeah, it's... I'm in my truck right now. I'm at Home Depot because my light went out in my refrigerator and I had my kids in the car. Oh, Jesus, Murphy. That's exciting.

You're on a fucking mission there, dude. I have to... I have to fucking go get another light bulb. Alright, well you get her you get her geared up there and check in with us when you, you know and pick me up some fucking

number 8 4 inch screws if you can. I will too, sir. Number 8 4 inch. That's a long fucking screw, Bob. I need to fucking screw my my roof back onto my shed. Part of her blew off.

Yeah, that's it. That ain't the longest screw, but I'll go look right now, Bugs. Okay, thanks, Bud. All right, you guys have a good one. I love you guys. All right, thanks, Corey. All right, see you. Cheers, man.

All right, good luck, man. Oh, fuck, I had a nap on. So it's May the 7th. It's the first Friday in May, and guess what that means's It's May the 7th It's the first Friday in May And guess what that means It's No Pants Day It's No Pants Day

Yeah So we can I guess it's to help Fucking get Pants for people That don't have pants Or can't afford pants What the fuck

Are you talking about man I have no idea It's fucking National No Pants Day It's for people That can't afford pants. It brings attention to it, and hopefully people donate their fucking pants so everyone has a pair of pants. Fuck, I got some pants I could donate to somebody,

but who do you give them to? Well, I could use a new pair of pants. I could, too, because right now I'm not wearing pants. What? Well, you don't wear pants. It's no fucking pants day. You don't wear pants. Stand up, Ricky.

We don't need to show that I'm not wearing pants, do we? Well, I don't believe you don't have pants on. Fuck. Jesus Christ. Sit down, Ricky. Are you fucking kidding me, man? It's no pants day. Yeah, but did you give your pants away to somebody? No, they're in the laundry Okay, boys

Here's somebody calling us from Ohio Hello Hey, bud I'm doing alright, what are you saying? Hello? Bubbles. Hey, bud. What's going on, man? How you doing, man? I'm doing all right. What are you saying? I don't believe I'm talking to you guys right now.

I didn't think you guys would pick up. Yeah, well, we did. I had a question. I had one question. Sure. All right. Do you guys think Trevor is ever going to come back, or is he gone for good? I don't know.

I don't know if Corey's been. Corey never found him on the subway. It's not looking good. He's been gone for a long fucking time. I'm guessing. He's going to be in jail, man. I'm guessing. He's either dead or in jail.

I'm guessing he's not coming back. That's my guess. Yeah, I'd say so. That sucks. Yeah, man. I didn't know if you guys had talked to him prior to that. Right on, bud. Thanks for calling in.

I haven't talked to him in years. Yeah. I appreciate it, man. Thanks. Cheers, bud. Cheers, brother. This is working actually pretty good here, boy. Did you hear about that fucking...

I'm going to put the number on the screen there. That big-ass sturgeon they caught up in fucking Detroit River? No. 240 pounds. A fucking sturgeon. It's a fish, man. 240 pounds. That's a big fish.

They said it was like 100 years old. 240 pounds? Yeah, 6 foot 10 inches. 100-year-old fucking sturgeon. Fuck, I would have liked to have caught that. That is a big, dirty bastard of a fish, 240 pounds. Enough food for fucking 20 years. What's Randy weigh?

Well, I weigh 250, Bob, so 10 pounds lighter than me. That's like me. That's like you as a fish. Yep. He's taller. He's like 6'10". I'm only like 6'1", so he's tall. He's taller. He's like 6'10". I'm only like 6'1". So,

he's a tall, He's taller. He doesn't have the, leaner. I bet you he doesn't have the biceps you have. He's got fins. Bob's a Jesus man.

He does. Oh, boys, I started watching this show called The Boys. Have you seen that show? Yes. I've been watching that too.

With the superheroes? I thought it was going to suck and I wasn't going to like it. I like it a lot. I like it too. show called the boys have you seen yes i've been watching that too with the superheroes i thought it was going to suck and i didn't wasn't going to like it it's i like it a lot i like it too there's a guy that has gills on that show yeah he got them fingered the boys he did get his gills fingered ricky he got his gals fingered by a lady hey i've never heard of this show before in my life. It's The Boys. Yep. It's The Boys. It's on Amazon Prime, maybe? Yep, it is. Amazon Prime. I've got to get Amazon Prime, then.

Well, you can steal it. Oh, let's see who's calling here, boys. Sterling. Just wait now. How do I get that? Hello? Hello, guys. How you doing?

Hey, who's this? Pretty good, man. How you doing? Thanks for being there today, guys. How you doing? Hey, who's this? We're good. How you doing? Thanks for being there today, guys. This is Steve from Herndon, Virginia. All right on, Steve. All right on, Steve. Virginia, Steve.

Yeah, I just wanted to ask you guys, what is your favorite memory of being in Sunnyvale? Ooh, that's a tough one. That is a tough one. That's a tough one. Ricky, why don't we start with you? What's your favorite memory? Oh, fuck, did he hang up? Did we lose him?

I think we lost him. It's okay, Bob. We can still answer his question. We can still answer his question. Ricky, what's your favorite memory? Being in Sunnyvale. God, you know what? There's been a lot of them.

One of the parties, I guess, where I blacked out and fucking woke up face down on the road, I guess. I'm sure that was a good time. I don't remember much of it. Well, then it's not one of your favorite memories if you don't remember it. I like fireworks. Fireworks are fun. Oh, Jesus Christ. There, I got to keep that thing muted, I guess.

Threesome I had with Lucy and her friend. That was a good time. There, I got to keep that thing muted, I guess. Threesome I had with Lucy and her friend. That was a good time. Yes, I remember that. It was a foursome, wasn't it? Wasn't it? It was for a little bit until somebody left. Yeah. Yeah, I forget that guy.

Who's that, Randy? I'm threesome with Randy. You imagine. You imagine. I got to say, Mike. I'm racing with Randy you imagine you imagine I gotta say what Ricky go ahead I was just gonna say my favorite memory was

do you remember that old 87 Corvette I had the black one the day I drove into the park with that was one of my best memories ever, man. I love that fucking car. It was an awesome car, man. I remember that day, Julian, like it was yesterday.

You had Rick Astley blaring. You had some nice vehicles, man. You had Rick Astley never going to give you up. That big Bronco was cool. Mustang. You know what I did have blasting? Round and round by rat. I had that fucking blasting. Here, boys, let's take a caller. That big Bronco is cool. Mustang. Here, boys, let's take a caller.

Indiana. No, we missed them. This is Maine, then. Maine? Maine. Hello, Maine. Hello? Oh, you got a shit connection, bud.

Can you guys hear me? Yes. A little bit. Hey, there we go. Hey, man. Oh, you got a shit connection, bud. Can you guys hear me? Yes. Yeah, there we go, hey man. Oh, I'm sorry about that. Who's this? How we doing? Doing all right. This is Joe from Maine.

Joe from Maine. Crazy Joe, you're the guy with only one upper lip, aren't ya? I don't, just one. Trick question, Joe. What are you doing, Joe doing Joel what's your you got a question for us oh I don't know I just figured I'd give you guys the call I've been a fan since day one and I keep trying to call in and never got through and now here I am well thanks Joel for fuck's sakes Joel you gotta ask a goddamn question, then.

Oh, did we lose him? I don't know. I'm still here. Can you hear me? Yes, we can hear you. Yeah, man. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Come on.

Come up with a fucking question, Joe. Jesus Christ. You got through, so. Well, here's a question. Why is Pat Roach so fucked? Who's that now? I don't know anybody named Pat Roach. Randy. Why is Randy so Pat Roach. Randy.

Why is Randy so fucked? Oh, Randy. That's a great question. I wish I knew the answer to it. He clearly is fucked in the head. He's not the smartest part of a guy. That's one problem. Number two.

Oh, shit. I'm surprised I got through to you guys. Good to talk to you. He's just a fucking idiot man people are born idiots so he's an idiot oh you know what they can't hear you Julian the phone guys

you can't hear Julian can you this was the problem last no it's because Julian's coming in over the Skyper. He's on the Skyper and he's being beamed in and it goes through all the equipment and somehow it's not making it out through the phone to you, which is weird. But Julian was just saying that you sounded, Julian just said you have a very sexy sounding voice. That's all he said. I didn't say that, man. Thanks for calling, Joel. Yeah.

Okay, no problem. Thank you for taking the call. Okay, buddy. Cheers, man. Bye. There's a college professor in New York. He's called the Sperminator. He's fathered over like 80 kids or something. He's called what? Holy shit, man. the Sperminator. He's fathered over like 80 kids or something.

He's called what? Sperminator. Sperminator? Yeah, but the finding was it says that 12 of them were conceived the old-fashioned way. What? Yeah. I didn't know

you could be a sperm donor and actually get the bang. That changes everything. Well, Ricky, Jesus, I don't know if you want to get into that racket, do you? I don't know. There's a fucking English dude named Simon Watson that's fathered over 800 children. 800? He's got some serious swimmers, man.

That's a lot of... Turbo sperm. 800 kids. That's a lot of... Turbosperm. 800 kids. That's a lot of kids to have. Yeah, pretty much start your own fucking town. Money's kind of unnecessary, don't you think? That's too many. You know, I think I know how Randy,

why he's so fucked in the head. I think his mom banged a rock. Think what? I think Randy's dad is a rock. He's in a boulder? Yeah, maybe a granite dumb rock. I don't know about that. Ricky, I don't know.

Maybe his mother did stick some rocks up her, you know. Julian, you have no proof of that whatsoever. I'm saying maybe that could have happened, but it's not going to impregnate her unless there was somebody that, I don't know, jacking off in a

rock quarry or something all over some rock quarry. Okay. That still doesn't make Randy. I'm just saying. That still does not make Randy's mother a rock or a father. No. This woman in Malley, she just gave birth to nine babies. Non-nuplets. I did hear that.

Non-nuplets? Five girls and four boys. That's a fucking life changer. That is a life changer. Jesus Christ, you need a goddamn bus. Here, we got... Just saying, How do you stroll around nine fucking kids? South Carolina, are you on the line there? No, we missed you somehow.

Fucked it up. Yeah, but nine kids came out of her body. Like, that's not good for her body. I guess they're all healthy. They thought she only had seven, but there was two more little surprises tucked away, I guess they're all healthy. They thought she only had seven, but there was two more little surprises. It tucked away, I guess. Before she gave birth, wouldn't they know? Didn't they do ultrasound?

They did. They could only see seven. Oh, they only saw seven on the machine. That's a bit fucked. I can't imagine having nine fucking kids all babies. Jesus Christ. So that's like, that would probably mess her up for the rest of her life, wouldn't it? Like her body, the birth canal.

Are you talking about the vagine? Yeah. I think it was, What do they call it? A calarian insection. Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's what they gave her. So it didn't really screw much up at all.

That's a lot of... That's a lot of babies. It'd be weird, especially if she had another kid already. Imagine all of a sudden you get fucking nine brothers and sisters. Boom! Just like that. Here, just wait, boys. We got California on the line here. Let's see. Hello? So is it California?

Yeah, me too. Fuck's sake. California, can you hear us? Hello? Nope. Am I doing something hear us? Hello? Nope. Am I doing something wrong here? What the fuck is going on? Somebody's fucking something up. It must be. Somebody's really fucking things up, bubs.

No, because look, I heard them hang out. This is fucking... This way. Here we go. All right. Go back. Hello? Hello?

There he is. All right. Hey. We got someone. How you guys doing? We're doing all right. All right. How you is. All right. Hey. We got someone. How you guys doing? We're doing all right. All right. How you doing?

All right. Last time Julian thought I was Jean St. Pierre. Oh, yeah. Okay. I remember that. Jean St. Pierre. You guys are a little bit less fucked this time. Slightly.

Yes, we're not. That was a fucking messy night. Julian's definitely not as high this time as he was on the other broadcast. We were super fucked. No. Well, when it's your 20th anniversary, it's time to celebrate.

I think we deserved it, but we went a little overboard. Oh, no, you guys deserved it like a thousand times. Well, thank you. Like I said, when I called you before, you helped so much veterans out there and myself. And I want to say thanks again. All right.

Thank you. You're very welcome. And tell the boys, and I'm going to send them them a care package but i want to do something for you i want to do something like a skype or uh messenger some stuff something like that okay okay yeah make us make a video and send it in all right we'll make a video and send it in and when you have the package just open it up All right I hope so all right Thanks for calling

Keep it up. All right. Thanks, man. All right. Cheers. Nice fella. I want him to do bet99.net. You know the George St. Pierre does his commercials?

No. It's fucking great, man. No, I don't. Bet99.net. You didn't see that? Oh, yeah. I've seen it. Yeah, man. It's Bet99.net. You didn't see that? Oh, yeah, I've seen it. Yeah, man. This is commercial.

This woman got arrested on Valentine's Day, and she got caught smuggling a.22 caliber gun into jail in her vagina. What? She smuggled a fucking.22 caliber gun into the jail in her vagina. Jesus, Murphy. Where was it? Was it loaded or where did she have the bullets? Yeah, I think it was loaded.

She got 10 years for it. That was a big fuck up. Jesus, that's dangerous. Very dangerous putting a loaded handgun in one of your orifices. Yeah, I can't imagine. You don't want to do that. It was wrapped in plastic, I think, but still pretty fucked up. Yeah, but I mean, it'd be safer to put the bullets in your bum purse, put the gun in the front pocket.

You know? That's a good idea, Bubz. It'd be fucking so cool. It'd be cool to have a gun in jail. Really cool. It would not be. I wish I had a vagina. What?

Could you repeat that, Ricky? Well, I wish you could switch it up once in a while, you know. Try different things. It'd be great for smuggling. Kind of like pop a wang on you if you wanted to. Just snap it on. Take it off if you don't want it. Yeah, that'd be quite a thing.

Let's see who we got here, boys. Hello. Hello? Hey. Hello. Hey, this is Tiffany from Philadelphia. Hey. What's your name?

Hey. Tiffany. Whoops. My cat's going nuts. Tiffany. Tiffany. How you doing cat's going nuts. Tiffany. Tiffany. How you doing? Tiffany Taylor.

This is Tiffany Taylor. Tiffany Taylor from Philadelphia. From Philly. Yeah. Right on. What's going on? What's going on in Philadelphia today? Anything fun?

Not really. Nice day. Nothing. I'm stuck in my apartment, you know. You guys know how it is. Hang on. Yeah. I'm stuck in my apartment, you know. You guys know how it is. Yeah, it's fucking good times. Just fucking lockdown bullshit. God damn.

How are you guys doing? I'm doing okay, but now... Well, it's a big fucking big dirty outbreak here in Nova Scotia where we live. So, you know, it looks like we're all sitting in the kitchen, but this is all trickery. Yeah. Look, I'm not actually sitting beside Ricky. I wish I was.

Look, I can't reach him. It sucks, man. I wish you were here. Can't touch Julian either because he's not there. Oh, that's too bad. And we can't hear Julian, right? No, you can't hear fucking Julian, buddy. Do you have a question for Julian?

You ask Julian a question and then I'll relay his answer to you. What do you want to ask the seventh wonder of the world? Seventh wonder of the world. Well, I didn't do this right. I have my questions for the other boys. Okay, that's alright.

That's alright. What have my questions for the other boys. Okay, that's all right. That's all right. What are your questions? My question was, well, I'm the one that sent Julian the muscle shirt, so I'm glad he liked that. That was awesome. Yeah. But my question was, I'm kind of a Puppetry Puppetry fan. Okay.

And I'm wondering if when you boys are doing, when you're filming Trailer trailer park boys if it's the same way like like Mike tends to laugh a little more and then Rob's like the second and then JP tends to be good at uh not not laughing what do you guys I wouldn't have a clue I wouldn't have a clue I don't know those people very well. I don't know them. I told you it was for the other boys. Oh, yeah. I thought you meant not for Julian, for Ricky and the bobbinator here. I thought that's what you meant.

Okay, I got one for Ricky. Ricky, have you ever gotten hurt while the camera dicks were following you? Yes, I have. I've fucking broken bones. I've been shot. What was the worst one? Getting shot sucks, but you know what? Breaking your fucking ankle.

That's not a good time. Remember when you snapped your fucking ankle, Ricky? That was terrible. Terrible. remember that time you sat on that that member I made that model of the Eiffel Tower Ricky remember you sat on it went right in your ass I don let somebody else talk to you. All right. Now I'm fucking craving Philly cheesesteak. Fuck.

Oh, man. I want a Philly cheesesteak. Me too. Yeah, wouldn't that be fucking something right now? With the whiz. The real way. Fuck. God damn, that would be good.

I'm going to have to make one. Just wait, boys. We got a California caller. Hello? wait, boys. We've got a California caller. Hello? Hey, boys. How you doing? Not doing bad. What are you saying?

Doing great, man. Can't hear me. I got a question for you guys. Have you guys talked to J-Rock since the last time you saw him? I have not. He won't answer my calls. I'm not sure what's going on with J-Rock. He's become a little bit big now.

No, he's rapping out on the West Coast. I know. He's doing good, I guess. He's called a few times, I think. He called just like the general park number, and I don't know if it was Randy that spoke to him or Sarah. Somebody spoke to him, and he's rapping on the West Coast. West Coast.

I'll probably have to see him one time. Yeah, he's out in California somewhere, so you have a look for him. Yes, sir. Thank you guys so much. You guys are so awesome. Do you have a big nose or a small nose? I have a small nose.

Okay. My daughter says it's big, but I believe it's small. Ricky, what the fuck are you asking him that for? I'll tell you later. All right. Okay, thanks for calling there, little nose. No, I was reading this study. Apparently men with bigger noses have bigger cocks.

Oh, is that why they call me Cyrano de Bergerac? I don't know who the fuck that is. He's the guy with the great big fucking nose on him. Yeah, I guess they did a study. The bigger your nose, the bigger your unit. Really? Yeah. Nice.

Well, there you go. I wonder if you stretch your nose or you break your nose or something, if it makes the other thing bigger, too. Oh, Rick, don't start stretching your fucking nose. Don't stretch in your nose or you break your nose or something makes the other thing bigger too. Oh, Rick, don't start stretching your fucking nose. Don't stretch in your nose. Holy fuck, man. That's all we need is you with a nose stretcher.

Imagine the size of Pinocchio's cock. Fuck. Well, his would be variable. It would be variable in size. Well, they're all variable. They're either soft or they're erect. You're fucked. I wonder if Pinocchio tells a lie, does his cock get hurt, too? I'd say so, man.

That's a good question. He likes to lie. He does like to lie. Well, he can't help it. He's pathological. He's got mental issues, mental health issues, Pinocchio does. Well, that, he's made out of fucking wood. That's got to be, you know, heard on your mental health when you're like,

fuck, I'm made of wood. That's really difficult to deal with on a mental level. Yep. I would think. You'd have to stay away from fire for sure. See? He can't. He's always living in fear, Ricky.

Yeah. You know, he can't go near fire. You know what? This no pants thing is fucking annoying. I'm sitting on a goddamn vinyl chair, and I'm sweating my fucking ass crack off. Fuck! Oh, that's wonderful. I'm glad that's the case.

I'm going to have to put pants on. Oklahoma, boys. I'm just going to the case. I'm going to have to put pants on. You got it. Oklahoma, boys. I'm just going to sweat more. All right. Have you guys ever farted and almost made yourself puke? Oklahoma! Holy shit. Am I on the air?

What's going on there, bud? Who's this? Master Smith, it's nice to be speaking to you like this. I'm going to use my normal voice, man. How's it going, guys? My name's Sean. I'm Sean Singleton. I'm from Boston.

How's it going, boys? Why does your number come up Oklahoma? Because I'm from Oklahoma originally. I moved here with my wife last year. Okay, so you got the Oklahoma fucking cell phone and you're living in Boston. It's a great city. Yeah, it's real nice. It's real nice.

How are you boys doing today? We're in fucking lockdown again, so it's not a great day. It's shitty. I hear that, man. I've been spending the past fucking year living in this apartment. It's just me and the dog, basically. Fuck. Jesus, Murphy.

Yeah. You're allowed outside. You can go outside fuck's sake what Julian? We go outside we go outside occasionally, you know cook some burgers out there Maybe hook some tricks, you know, pick up some coupons for Gary clean or something, but Jesus Bubs this guy sounds like a serial killer, man. I was going to say that. You were going to have to. I'm sorry I took that from you.

You know, I wanted to. I'm a huge fan. I actually, me and two of my other Oklahoma comic friends, we do a podcast about you guys. We kind of idolize you guys. What's that called? What's that called? It's the Getting Greasy Podcast. Getting Greasy. Julian, have you heard of the Getting Greasy Podcast?

See, I would have thought that was about something else. No, we do exactly what you boys do. We get together. For me now, it's virtual, but we get together. We have some drinks. We have some smokes. We have some smokes. We talk over every episode. Kind of give it a rundown.

Do you sit around with no pants on with your arse crack getting sweaty like Ricky's doing? It depends. In the summer, probably. I get a little swassy. Swamp ass. Right on. You guys call it swamp ass? Swampy. I've heard of swamp ass, yeah. Soupy or swampy.

There you go. It's nasty. I would wager Randy probably has a good amount of it going most of the time. Oh, yes. He's got ball gravy. Ball gravy, Julian said. Julian said he's got ball gravy. Oh, man.

That's fucking nasty. Well, I got one question for you boys. Yes, sir. How would I go about recreating Swish? If I wanted to try Swish, how would I do that? Well, I can tell you because you can't hear Julian, but I know how to do it. It's fucking gross. Basically, you get an old fucking dirty rum barrel that they used to have rum in.

Rum or whiskey. Or whiskey. Moonshine. Moonshine. Moonshine, whatever, that's been in the barrel and the alcohol is soaked right into the fucking barrel. Into the wood. Into the wood. So you put water in the cocksucker, about half full, and then you lay it on its side

and the water starts drawing the alcohol out of the wood and you've got to turn it, man, Ricky, every, you turn it every day, Joe? Every day, I think, yeah, for a couple weeks or something. Every day, yeah. You keep turning the barrel, like every, I don't know, every day or something, you give it a half a roll so that it's sucking alcohol out of a new part of the wood and it just makes the shittiest fucking liquorcker you've ever had in your life yeah it's fucking horrible all wood lecker but it will be it'll get you dancing with a dog

behind the kod fucked up well i've heard of the kod i'm just i've got a i got a friend who knows you guys actually who used to be around on the set. Kelly Jones up in Nova Scotia tells us all about the KOD all the time. Right on. Cool. Kelly Jones. Yeah, so you find yourself a fucking dirty old rum barrel

or a whiskey barrel from times gone by, and you get her filled with water and start rolling it around your apartment there. Ooh, that sounds real fucking creepy. And then you can, then you can,

you'll be dancing with your dog in no time, just like Julian. Yeah, it gets you super fucked for sure. All right,

thanks for calling there, bud. Have a good day down there in Boston. You too. All right. Peace out. So remember the place in Italy was selling homes for cheap?

Yes. There's a Sicilian town right now. It's got fucking mountains. There's beaches there. They're selling fucking houses for a buck. I know, Ricky. That's what I was telling you. You can buy a whole town for fucking...

But these ones are actually... It's a real town. Everything works. I mean, the homes need to be fucking fixed up. Jesus, Murphy. You can get a not a bad house for like five grand. We should fucking move to Italy, boys. The food.

Yeah, but isn't there something wrong with the fucking water or something? Nope, not in this town. This town's got everything fucking good. They've just got no people living there anymore. Jesus, we should be over there. There's no way we can get the fuck over there. We should be. How are we we should be over there. There's no way we can get the fuck over there. We should be. How are we going to get over there right now?

Maybe they have trailer parks for sale, Ricky. No, man. These are nice fucking cobblestone road buildings and fucking, oh, it's cool, man. We could be the Italian boys. We should. Lots of wine. We should change our name. The Italian House Boys.

The Italian House Boys, not the trailer park boys. The Italian House Boys. The Italian House Boys, not the trailer park boys. The Italian House Boys. Castle, the Italian Castle Boys. If we're going to go, we're going to fucking live in a castle. I don't know. Do they have castles there? Fucking right. They've got castles in Italy.

Do they? Italian castles? Some of these fucking homes, man, are like hundreds of years old. It's really cool. I'd fucking, I'd be down with that. I'd renovate the shit out of my Italian home. What would you do, Ricky? What would be the first renovation you'd do to your new Italian home?

New roof. New roof? I'd put in a fucking pizza oven. New roof and windows and a fucking air mattress. Yeah, that'd be nice. Get a grotto build go man what's that grotto it's like a pool with a little cave in it grotto here just wait just wait we got texas on the line boys hey texas hey how's it going hey what's Fuck, don't sound too excited there, bud. Sorry about that. I've been on hold for like 30 minutes.

Oh, fuck. I didn't really think I was going to get on, to be honest with you. How are you doing? What's going on down... Are you in Texas? Yes, sir. I'm from Texas. I don't know, really.

I didn't really think I was going to get on, to be honest. I don't know what to ask. So you've been on hold for 30 minutes you had a bit of time to come up with a question you know you could utilize that 30 minutes you know to think fuck if I get through what am I gonna ask where what part of Texas are you in? I'm in Dallas, Texas. Dallas. We've been to Dallas, Texas. Remember that, Ricky?

Yeah. We were on stage in Dallas, Texas. We actually fucking... My fucking knee blew apart. Wasn't there a snowstorm in Dallas? There was. It was fucked. There was a freaking freak snowstorm when we were in Dallas.

That was fucked up. We had to drive somewhere else to fly out. That was crazy. Yes, sir. Okay, yeah, I do got a question for you. All right. I have a question for Ricky. Yes.

All right. Rip it. All right. You've been partying for about 20 plus years. How do you do it, man? How do you get up every morning and just do it all over again? Well, you just build up a good tolerance, I guess. And once it's part of your lifestyle, it's just

you can't really not do it. And when I have to stop partying, I will not want to be alive anymore. You've done A through Z, man, of drugs and alcohol. I'm just crazy, man. It's impressive. He's done it through Z, man, of drugs and alcohol. I'm just crazy, man. It's impressive. He's done it all.

I fuck up once in a while and get too fucked up, but you've got to have a pace. That's what Julian taught me. You've always got to have a pace, man. Yeah, that's Julian's golden rule. I've been watching you for about five or six years. Right on. Well, thanks for watching that shit and thanks for calling you have a uh why do you want to appreciate y'all for taking that time and answering and yeah i hope

y'all stay safe and have a good time and you know just thank y'all for everything thank you buddy thanks man you stay safe too cheers right on man nice fella. Boys there, look, we got all, the phone's just fucking, it's just blowing up here. Non-stop calls. I'm going to have to go put some pants on. Let's take one more, and then I need pants. Okay, I don't, how long have we been doing this? I don't even know. He said he was on hold for 30 minutes.

No, he couldn't have been on hold, Ricky, because we don't have a hold system. We couldn't have been on hold. Just wait. I'll tell you. We've been doing this for 38 minutes. That's not bad. Yeah, I was going to say 40. 30.

So, okay, well, I mean, do you want to take one more? Yeah, let's do it. One more call. Cartersville, Cartersville, Georgia boys. Hello Cartersville, Georgia. You're on the line Yes, are you who's this what's your name What is it? Ayanna. Ayanna?

Alana? Yeah. Ayanna. Ayanna. Ayanna. That's a pretty name. That is nice. Lovely name.

And where are you calling from, Ayanna? I'm calling from Atlanta. Atlanta. Okay, yeah. We've been to Atlanta. It comes up on the phone. It says Cartersville, Georgia. So you're in Atlanta, Georgia. Right on.

Right on. Do you have a question? Or how are you doing? What do you got a question for us? I didn't actually think I'd fucking get through, to be honest. Oh, fuck. Everybody doesn't have a question because they don't think they're going to get on. Ask her if she owns a gun.

Julie wants to know if you own a gun. Do I own a gun? No, I don't. No, she doesn't own a gun, you stupid bastard. Just ask him. I think that's a bad question, to be honest. Everyone typically thinks that we own guns like crazy over here. Yeah. I don't. I know, my thinks that we own guns like crazy over here. I don't. I know. My two best friends

own guns and I hate the fucking things. I cannot believe I'm seeing you guys. Oh my god. Ricky, do you have your gun in your underwear right now? I do not. Okay. That's good. Have you seen my new gun? No, I've not seen your new gun nor do I want to see your new fucking gun.

Fucking nice, man. This is fucking crazy. Hi, Ricky. Are you high right now? You sound pretty high. Oh, no, it's just adrenaline at this point. I'm not high either right now. It sucks, but I'm going to be in about five minutes. Okay,

Ricky, we'll get you geared up here. I need pants, I need drugs, I need more liquor. Thank you. Thank you for having me. Thank you. All right. Have a great day. Good talking to you. Cheers. She can't hear you, Jolene. You just sound like a fool. That's why I'm

giving her this, the cheers thing. I'm just teasing. All right, boys. When she watches this back, she'll be able to see that you were talking to her. Exactly. Okay, well. All right. This was fun, boys.

Yeah, it is what it is, I guess. These fucking goddamn pandemic podcasts, bullshit. Fuck. Here, just wait, boys. I want to see if there's a... Let me see. So when we say bye... Yeah.

It might, I don't know, it might fade out and it might not. Okay. Do you want to say goodbye? Here, just wait. Just wait, Julian. No, just wait, Julian. You say, Julian, say goodbye. Goodbye, everybody. Love you. Keep safe.

Yes, goodbye. Just wait now. Goodbye, everybody. Love you. Keep safe. Yes, goodbye. Let's wait now. Bye, everybody. Hee hee hee. Ricky, you say goodbye. Bye, everybody. Stay safe and get your fucking arm jabbed. I'm going for mine. When? May 16th. I can't fucking wait so things will hopefully go back to normal a little bit.

Yes. Bye from Perk After Dark. Here we go. See if it fades out. Nice.