Trailer Park Boys Presents: Park After Dark - Episode 52 - Fatten the Curve

Episode Date: March 30, 2020

Bubbles has fired up the SwearNet Emergency Broadcast System in his shed and has Ricky and Julian on the line! Who's living in luxury, and who's eating squirrels and jacking off in the woods? Plus: Breaking News with Bubbles!

Hey everybody, I know the audio on these is a little bit fucky, but that's just because the world's gone to shit and I'm at the thing here trying to work all the equipment by myself and I don't know what the fuck I'm doing. So I apologize. Fuck's sakes. Hello? Hey, what's going on, bubs? Hey, Julian, I can't see you on the video. Just a sec, can you see me now?

Just wait now, I'm just trying to figure this fucking thing out. Just hang on, I'm calling Ricky. Hey, there I am. Oh there you are. Hey bud. Hey Julian. Get yourself, oh fuck. Get yourself framed up. How's your quarantine going man? It's going man.

Yeah? Ricky is that you? Yeah how come I'm not showing up here? Just wait I'm trying to figure it out Ricky. I think you got to press the camera button on your phone Rick It's at the bottom I think Yes, hang on boys the swearing that fellas dropped off some equipment Kind of busy bubs I'm kind of busy, Bubz. I'm kind of busy at the moment, man. Alright, so you gotta make this quick.

Make it quick? What are you talking about? Well, I'm just in the middle of doing something here. Just hang the fuck on here. Just wait. Okay, boys, can you hear me and see me and everything? Yeah, I can hear you and I can see you, bud. Where are you guys? I can see you, bud. Where are you guys?

I can see you. I can see Julian. Yeah, man, I'm in a car at the moment. Trying to do some business here. I'm in hell. See this? You see it, bubs? Just hang on, Julian on julian i lost there just wait oh there we go i couldn't hear you now i can all right okay yes i can hear you ricky all right i'm having a pretty good time boys i miss you guys but man i i found a pretty good spot to come get your face in the fucking thing i can't. There you are. Back up a little bit. Your fucking eyes. Okay, just wait.

You're fucking up because I mean, I'm looking like I'm small on the fucking screen. No, no, you're not. No, you're not. Here, just wait. I'm gonna see. You gotta zoom out, man. Okay, just hang the fuck on. How do I do that now?

Just wait. I can figure it out. Julian, right there. All right, then. I've been living in the goddamn woods, and now a snowstorm breaks in. I had to break into a shed. You're living in a shed now? I was living in the woods trying to self-isolate. It's no storm, man. It's goddamn shit,

Joe. I need you guys to find me and bring me some goddamn dope or some booze or something. Well, Rick, what the fuck you doing living on the woods for, man? That's what you gotta do. You gotta fucking self-isolate. You don't have to live in the fucking woods, man. It's wintertime. You can't be around other people.

It's going to fuck up the curvy thing, so I'm trying to do my part. You should be doing what I'm doing right now. Which is what? I found a house that there's nobody in for a while because they got stuck in fucking London or something, and I'm kind of looking after their house. Here, just wait, boys. What? Wait, I need to put, just wait, boys. What?

Wait, I need to put your name up, Ricky. Why do you need our fucking names, man? Oh, man, that's cool. Dope Smoker. Here, just wait. Wait, I'll put yours up, Julian. What does it say? I can't tell.

It's a... Something muscle, man. It's all pre-set. Sexual muscle, man, bubs. What is this going to be on? B machine. What is this going to be on? I didn't... Bubs, what is this going to be on? Who's going to be watching this? I don't know.

The SwearNet people, they dropped off... they dropped off some equipment and I got her hooked up in my shed. What do you think? It's kind of cool. It's freaking me out a bit, but I like it. Watch this, Ricky. You want to get freaked out? Watch this.

Here, see if this works. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't bit, but I like it. Watch this, Ricky. You want to get freaked out? Watch this. Here, see if this works. Whoa, man.

That's pretty good. What the fuck is that? I did that. That's how you go to breaking news. Does it say breaking news? Oh, it does. Breaking news. Ricky is fucked. God news. Ricky is fucked. God damn it.

Getting fucked. What's happening? Something just fucked up. Don't worry about it. I got it. God damn it. What happened, boys? My seat collapsed.

Oh, Ricky. Stop throwing fucking... You're talking. Oh, Ricky. You're talking? What are you talking into your muscles? What? You got your microphone covered, Julian. No, I don't have my microphone covered. All right.

Jesus Christ. See that, boys? Let's talk about Canada. And how fucked it is. All right, now, you know what? Actually, I've been watching on the news, man. We're not doing that bad compared to a lot of other places. I don't got news, man.

I've been living off squirrels and shit. It sucks. Oh, man, you would not believe the food that's in this place, man. They've got, like, fucking onion rings and shit, a deep fryer. They've got all kinds of crawdys. I haven't stoned. I haven't stoned in three days. I've been smoking shitty old leaves and now it's snowing so I can't even smoke leaves. I'm dying here. Can't you just come home, boys? Jesus. Why should I come home, bud?

Well, I'm all by myself in my shed. Well, we can still—I can't really see you anyway. I'm quarantined here, bud. I know, but... We're gonna stay here. Jesus, Murphy, you'd think you'd come back and... I don't really understand the Kirby thing, but I don't want to mess it up, so, like, what should I do?

Should I stay in this shed, or should I try to come back in the snowstorm? Well, I don't know. You know what I'm gonna do? You know what I'm gonna do? They got a nice shed here at this house. You can come stay at the shed, man. They got lots of booze. Lots of booze.

I can actually go to their shed. No problem. Look, I finished that today, but they've got four more bottles. You've got liquor? Tons, man. I hit the fucking jackpot. I'm not happy about that. Lots of food, man.

Chips. That's what I've been saying. It's easy for people to stay home when they got all the stuff you've got. I've got nothing. Well, the thing is, people are stupid. They put their whole itinerary. Bob, get the corona off the fucking screen. Boys, what happened?

What the fuck is going on Boys, what happened? What the fuck is going on? The coronavirus is floating around. Is that what they look like? I don't know what happened there. Is that what the coronavirus looks like? Sort of, I think. Corona, man. It's the coronavirus.

All right, guys, I need some help for something here for a second I'm trying to get the stereo out of this car and I don't which one is not a good one to cut Which one's the power? You got a green one, you know, you're a red hammer, right? Who cares? Well, I don't want to ruin the guy's curve, man. He's been nice to me, living here, you know? Jesus Christ. You're being a pussy. Here, shit rock, come here. Come here, have a treat. There, have a treat. Shit rock's here in quarantine with me.

Alright, bud, so what did you want to talk about, man? You're like, I'm actually doing things here. Well, I just thought, you know, where they dropped off the equipment, I've been fucking with this. I've been trying to, you know, figure out how to get it on the internet so I could start my own news station.

That's cool. I guess. Alright, tell us some news, bud. Well, just wait, I gotta go to my... Breaking news, there's just coming in here, there's a whole bunch more people got the coronavirus. A whole bunch more, no exact numbers at this moment, but we're up a lot. We're up over 400,000 or whatever worldwide

400,000 It's sunny bill. No Ricky and on the whole planet here. I've got the numbers right here. Just wait you want to hear Boys, how many's the novice? How many's in Nova Scotia? Uh, that's not as easy as town. Whoa. Just wait here. Oh, for fuck's sakes, I had it. Where did it go?

It's on this thing, boys, called... Called, you're done? Called Worldometer. No, I lost it off. Worldometer. Worldometer, something like that, and it gives you, like, by the minute updates on how many people have it and what country and whatnot.

All right, I know that we're doing good in Nova Scotia. I think it's around 69 or 70. BEI's doing good. I think they only got a few. Yeah, that's pretty good, man. But Newfoundland, they took a big hit there because some stupid idiot. You know what?

Get this, man. They only had like three people or something there. And some stupid idiot goes to a funeral after a cruise and infected everybody in the funeral parlor, man. How stupid can you be? Well, that's because people are fucked. The problem is some people don't know they have it. Well, the problem is you should just stay away from people. People are dumb.

Well, that too, but I mean, a lot of people don't know they have it around next thing you know what are you doing right you what oh yeah there we go there we go right on you got any heat in that shed? Bricky or what? No, ma'am, it's a lot warmer than outside Yeah, it's pretty cold out today Boys, you know what this should be? We should make this the Park After Dark

Because if you guys aren't coming home today We're supposed to do the Park After Oh, that must be why they dropped off the equipment to me Alright, lie We're doing the Park after dark right now. This is now Yeah, we can't do that right now isn't and limit or whatever it's called going on Yeah, but we're doing it Ricky. Look we're all talking to each other and we're all here Well, it's not good my screen after the screens all up am i centered now or what no i can't i don't know the monitor you're looking far away

here just wait i'll get you in there but then stay right here i haven't been able to see yourself i'm in the driver's seat of a fucking car. I'm not moving around much. There you go. There's your... That's a little better. There's your gorgeousness. There you go. Zoom out a bit more, man. There we go.

Now you know what the fuck you're doing. Well, it's hard to see, and I got to stand up and get to the buttons. All right. up to get to the buttons. Alright. Well now that I got this all working, you guys don't have anything to fucking talk about. I'm a little bit scared. What are you scared of Ricky? I just don't know. I don't think everyone's doing what we're doing. We're doing things right. We're not out here in the pub like most people are are i'll tell you ricky i went out i took some of my kitties out for a walk and the park is just like a ghost town okay good at least sunnyville is being smart yeah staying in their trailers except well you know you know what's

gross man donnie's out swearing at people You know what pisses me off, man? People are doing the coronavirus challenge and they're like licking toilet seats in the public, bathrooms and shit, and licking shit in supermarkets. What the fuck is wrong with these people? Who's doing that? There's like a coronavirus challenge going on, man. You just want to smash them in the face.

You know what? That should be the punishment. You should let us fucking pound on them for a little just want to smash them in the face. You know what? That should be the punishment. You should let us fucking pound on them for a little while to smarten them up. I agree, man. Thank you. Jail's nothing. Jail is dick all to these dickheads.

They need a good beating. Why would you lick a toilet seat anywhere? Because you need to get punched in the head. That's why. Well, that doesn't solve anything. Well, just so you know, those two people that did that, like I said, both have the coronavirus. They're in the hospital.

Hope they get fucked over for a while because they're idiots. Fuck those guys. Fuck them. Just wait here. Oh, just wait. What if I do this? Oh, there's false brand doing. Oh, hey, man. if I do this? Oh, there's false Julian.

Right on, buddy. Freaking news. Julian wants to beat the head off of people that do stupid things during this pandemic. Cheers. Oh, there you are, Ricky. Hey, man. What's going on? As you guys are talking,

look, I can go from here. Hey, man. What's going on? Hey, bud. As you guys are talking, look, I can go from here. Hey, Julian. What are you saying? What are you saying? Oh, there you are. Man, you're getting pretty good at that stuff. What'd you say, Ricky? Nice. Just so you know, boys, I think I'm going to be sad to see this end actually

Because life isn't that bad right now From where I'm at What are you talking about? It's fucking garbage I got a deep freezer full of food I've got lots of booze I still haven't found if there's any dope yet But I've been looking around

A lot of rooms in this shack So I don't know things all right Yeah speak for yourself, I feel I'm gonna have PSTD You caught an STD That's what bubs He's got the corona cock He's got the Corona cock. Ricky, don't get the coronavirus in your wiener.

Whatever you do. You know what? It is weird touching yourself in the woods. I have to say that. It's been a long time. What? You touched... What? You were jacking off in the woods?

I found some cardboard, made a nice little bed. Little tarps. I got a roof over my head. The snow was too much. I had to bail coming to the shed. But it was actually pretty comfortable. Then you're laying there, and you're comfy, and, you know, you just start doing normal things you would do in your bed.

Next thing you know, you got animals looking at you like you got six heads. So you were jacking off for an audience of animals? Oh, it was definitely a raccoon. It was a rabbit. And I think there might have even been a deer. Ricky, raccoons and rabbits and deer, don't watch people jerk off in the woods, man. They seem really curious. I don't know. Maybe it had a smell to it or something.

But they just, I don't know. They seemed like they're really into it. It was weird. Okay. Okay. Answer me this. Were you on mushrooms or anything? I wish.

I have nothing. I can't even get by, man. I'm just smoking leaves and eating twigs and berries and squirrels and socks, man. No liquor. Rick, how many fucking squirrels have you eaten? Uh three and a half. Are you cooking them or are you just grabbing them and biting them? I was till the snow came today and now I've got like squirrel jerky that it's kind of like this squirrel got overcooked yesterday so it's kind of like squirrel jerking. I've been eating it on him.

Squirrel jerking. Not fun, Chris. Not fun. Well, you've got to swing by. We're on that, man. Don't listen to what people say. Squirrels actually don't taste that great. Not very good at all.

Who said they tasted good? I thought growing up we thought that that's what what you eat in the woods and they're good. You know, you've been watching that Bear Grill show, haven't you? The survival show? Is that the one where he's naked flapping his cock around? No, man, that's naked and afraid or something, isn't it? Oh, you watch that, do you, Julian? No, I just know...

I've been watching a lot of TV here in the last week or so, Bob. Okay? You watch Naked and Afraid and they forgot to blur one of the fellas? Yeah, real funny, Bob. Actually, you do get to see a bit of... You know, some of the chicks, you do get to see a bit of, you know, some of the chicks.

You do kind of see some things. Like the sides and, you know, the bit of the ass. It's not bad. Like side boob? Yeah. You've never seen side boob on Naked and Afraid. Fuck I haven't. Are you saying like dude side boob or women's side boob on Naked and Afraid. Fuck I haven't.

Are you saying like dude side boob or women's side boob? I don't check out the dudes, man. They don't blur the man's boobs anyway. It's just the, you know. Have you ever caught any side wiener? Bob's, I'm not looking for the wieners, okay? Fuck, man. Alright, bubs.

So what have you been doing, bubs? What the fuck are you up to, man? Well, I've been fucking hooking up all this goddamn equipment. That's what I've been doing. They just dropped it off. They didn't even give me any instructions. A van broke. They knocked on the door and they said there's a bunch of shit here

For you Shut up, I'm coming back I'm coming back guys Here we go I'm not in the greatest Yeah There, is that good? This way.

I can't tell. For fuck's sake. I'm on. I can see it on my screen. I'm good. Can you see the screen like with the three of us? Yes, I do, Bob. All right.

Perfect. I'm going to set it up so I'm not fucking having trouble. We probably should have done this when you knew what the fuck you were doing. Who, me? That's what I'm not you know what? We probably should have did this when you knew what you were doing. Oh me. That's that's what I'm thinking. I'm pretty good, aren't I? It's not great. Oh there. We go look at that That's called a fucking transition right there, baby Watch this all right there baby watch this all right I'm figuring it out right on right on man okay boys just hang on here you know your death you go through all these bottles and you find a tiny tiny

bit of liquor and then you mix it with driplets of spring water and this sucks man this coronavirus has got to be done soon or i'm going to snap well it's not going to be done for a while bud i hate to say it but i don't think it's going to be ending well ending anytime soon tell me something. The curve is flattening out. Well, there's some problems with that, Ricky. They're changing their tune.

Is it better to have a fat curve or a skinny curve? No, it's called flattening the curve, Ricky. It's like a picture of a curve goes straight up. That's bad. If it elongates out, it's better. What does that mean? Well if it's if the curve's flat, that means there's less people heading into the hospital at once and then the healthcare professionals can, you know, they get some in, they cure them, and out they go. And then the next batch comes in.

But if the curve's pointing up like that, that means like 20,000 people showing up at once, knocking on the door. Excuse me, I need a fucking ventilator, please. Because I can't fucking breathe. That's what flattening the curve means. Trying to avoid that, you know, 20 20 000 people showing up at once going i'm and why are we doing that because people are just dumb yeah there's a lot of dumb people there's a lot of dumb people out there man bubs tell me something why if i was to maybe get the corona and my lungs are getting all up you think that you could go online and build me one of these fucking ventilators or what i've already been i've already been toying

with one all right air compressor and i jigged the hose on it and i put a filter on the end of it i'm pretty sure if i cranked that down my throat and just gave it a few blasts i think i could pull my lungs off at least. All right. So riddle me this. If everybody did what we're doing for two weeks, would this not flatten the curve or flatten the curve or whatever the hell we're supposed to be doing?

If everybody... Why isn't everybody doing this? If everybody went the fuck in their houses and stayed there for a couple weeks, you could flatten the curve, yes. So this is a virus... No, no could flatten the curve. Yes. So this virus... No, no, no, no. Because people are done.

Bubs, you were wrong. Because I just heard it from a doctor on the TV. He said, if we were to fucking totally do that for the next three weeks, you might see a change in three weeks. Yeah. Now, because so many people fucked up their well just i'm saying the fucking roof don't be giving no false information to people okay that's what i'm saying we're fucked for a

little while straight up yes we're fucked but we're gonna be more fucked than we are right now if people don't because the people that are showing up now going, oh, I'm sick. Some of them got sick two fucking weeks ago. So what I'm saying is you still got to get in your fucking house. Well, maybe we're all better off just jumping off the bridge. Don't be saying shit like that, man. To do what, Ricky? See, that's dumb. I don't like this life anymore, okay?

Sitting in the woods with no dope, no booze, no good food. This sucks, boys. What's the point? If people want to be dumb, this is going to go on for months and months and months, and life's going to suck for months and months and months, and I don't want to do it. I don't know what Jacob's doing,

but he's in and out of the trailer all fucking day. What the fuck is he doing? He's probably fine. I told him... in and out of the trailer all fucking day. What the fuck is he doing? He's probably fine. I told him to stay in. Well, he's got, what, four or five jobs? I guarantee you he's still working fucking night shifts and stuff. Oh, man, this boost is

really fucking feeling good right now, boys. You're killing me, man. You are killing me with that bullshit. Almost time to open up a fresh bottle. How much liquor do you have in you right now, Julian? Well, that.

What is that, a quart? All that. Yeah, it started this morning, man. Well, I got a bit of a snap on, too. I didn't want to tell you, Ricky, but I've been drinking wine all day. Well, I guess it's a little easier for you guys, isn't it? It's what?

Well. A little easier for you guys, isn't it? It sucks for me. There's nothing good about this. Well, there's one. I've got one concern. Like, I found a ring in here, right? This one? That's not the Hells Angels as a bubs

the what Hells Angels out of Hells Angels ring this ring here. Just wait for me on the screen No How's not okay? No, it's like some That looks like some ring you'd find in a Crackerjack box Game of Thrones. Yeah.

Alright, okay. Just making sure I didn't wanna like, fuck over people's shit, you know? But I don't want to. Okay, boys, just wait. Just wait, we got some... Breaking news coming in. Uh-oh, what's happening? Bubbles has to piss. Bad. Oh, yeah? Yeah.

So what does that mean? Well, I don't know, boys. Maybe we should get back. Well, you guys should get back inside. Julian, you should get the fuck inside. What do you mean? I mean, this grass is heated, man. I'm having a fucking great time. Plus, I'm not leaving until I get the stereo out.

But you know what's fucked up? You know how stupid people are? You know how in movies people leave the keys above the visor? Check this out. Up in the visor, bud. So you've got a car. I basically have a car, but it doesn't have winter tires on it. And I don't, I mean,

these people are so nice with all the shit they have in here. I don't really want to steal their car. I'll take the stereo, but... Is there any indication where the people are? What if they come home? Well, they have it on their calendar that they're not supposed to be home.

They're on a trip. They're over in London. Nice family, you know, couple kids. If they're in London, they're not fucking coming home anytime soon because the borders are closed. That's what I'm saying. What?

Really, really happy for you guys. All your food, your fancy liquors, your cars, your stereos, your wine, and all your shit. I'm so happy, guys. This sucks. I do feel bad for you, bud, but you know what I'll do? I'll leave some food outside if you want to walk there. I'm about, I don't know, 10 kilometers away from Sunnyvale. Rick, you know, you can't walk 10 kilometers. You'll catch the corona

Well, especially in this goddamn snowstorm. It's not gonna goddamn coy wolf or a fox or something. I'm a woman All right, well if I if it stops no, maybe I'll come pick you up from this car But uh, it's it's basically that slicks on it, man So I'll just keep my eyes up for a dick mobile will I It's not a dick this is a nice pair man, it's not bad just take your shirt off so I know that it's not a dick this is a nice pair man it's not bad just take your shirt off so I know that it's you yeah you'd want to wouldn't you you would like to do that wouldn't yet okay boy so sure we What? Maybe you should just one last time tell people what they should or shouldn't do right now, Bubs. Okay?

Well, wash your goddamn fuckin' hands. A lot. Which Ricky doesn't do. You gotta wash your cock, too, because you're usually touching it. You got a point, Bubs. Yeah, so wash your hands wash your bird anything you're touching a lot try to avoid people

all together cause you never know who's got it somebody could have it breathing it on you and try to have fun man right yes try to have fun, man, right? Yes, try to have fun. Play some board games. I've been fucking...

I've been watching the TV like crazy. And you know what? That Dr. Oz guy said, have sex. Lots of it. So, Ricky, keep jerking. Bubs, do the same if you want. And I don't know. Can it be,

can you pass it on through piss? If you piss on someone, they're going to get coronavirus. I stepped in some, I stepped in some yellow snow. I'm just hoping there's no coronavirus in the piss or whatever. Ricky.

And bubs, just so you know, there's, bubs, there's some animals getting Coronavirus so Take care of your cats Oh I know that's why I've got them all Inside Ricky's trailer What

No no no no You're not having a bunch of cats in my trailer Ricky I Put most of them in there I keep a few of them in here, but I can't fit 87 kitties in my shed all at once. And here's another update.

Here's another update, Bob and Rick. Some people are immune to this virus. Really? Some people are immune, so they're fucking studying these motherfuckers And hopefully they'll figure out What the fuck to do Come up with some antibody

You know what it is? What? If you've got Liquor This is just This is just a guess But if you've got enough Dope and booze

Running through your veins And your system Nothing can fuck with you I agree with you Ricky Don't I'm definitely not gonna get it There's the information Nothing can fuck with you. I agree with you. Ricky, don't be spreading that around as the information. Somebody already drank that fucking chloroquine stuff

and died. The what? Chloroquine or whatever it's called. No, they drank fucking aquarium fucking cleaner. Which is what chloroquine is. No, it's not the same dosage, man. No, it's not the same dosage, man.

No, it's not the same dosage. They took a teaspoon, but one of them died. Anyway, don't be taking fucking... Don't be taking goddamn... Don't be taking shit. Exactly. Well, you know what? It can't hurt to try the dope and booze theory. What's it gonna hurt?

It might work, it might not, but at least you're happy. I agree, Rick. I'm going to try. Boys, there's too much misinformation flying around now. I think we're going to shut her down here. Big news. Yeah. Right.

Okay. I'll call you guys on the phone, because this was... You know, I want to talk to you. Okay. Somebody said to listen to science and not the uh politics people yes listen to the scientists not the politicians yeah you're right dr fauci listen to dr fauci ah okay, say bye. All right. Later, guys. See you whenever. Later, guys. Love you guys.

Hope we will see you soon. Be safe. Love you guys. Stop jacking in the woods, Ricky. Watch this, boys. The FTV button. Fade to black. Don't be jacking off in front of the animals, Rick.

Didn't work. I know it didn't work. No fucking jacking off in front of raccoons. Raccoons. I need something. Raccoons will bite. Raccoons will bite it right off, man. I'm telling you.

I need something to do here. Ricky. Jesus Christ. Where's the FTV button? made the dark see the dirt no I don't know how to do it don't know how Ricky there's too many buttons on this alright bubs there you go ok see you boys alright over and out suck it Gå in på www.sdimedia.com Субтитры подогнал «Симон»