Trailer Park Boys Presents: Park After Dark - Episode 55 - Ricky Is Way Smarter Than Cory

Episode Date: August 18, 2016

Cory is in the trailer! Grab a bowl of barbaplain chips, sit back, and learn about Cory’s favourite Olympic sports, his own Olympic aspirations, and whether he’d rather bang Bill or Hillary. Plus, third time's a charm for Sunnyvale Family Feud - Bubbles has some DECENT questions this week! Episode 55 is brought to you by the Official Trailer Park Boys Store, and Neat 'King Bee' microphones!    

Why would you put two different types of chips in one bowl? I didn't fucking do it. Who do you think did that? Take a wild guess. Ricky, just keep them separated, man. It is a good point. I like both. You know, you don't have to have two bowls. It is a good point. You set both and I don't you know don't have to

have two bowls. It is a good point you set out two bowls you got two types of chips why do you dump half of each in each bowl? So we could each have a little sampler platter. It's a barbaplane this flavor is called. It's a what? Barbaplane. You got plain chips and barbeque chips. I love barbaplane dude. Right on man. Why is he here? Because I invited him. Now, why? Because we needed a guest.

And Corey was in the park. You're supposed to get, like, you know, like, you know, songwriters and shit. You know, artists or whatever. Well, I got Corey. Well, Corey's... We're actually having a beard-growing competition, if you didn't notice. Is that why you had him on? Maybe.

His beard looks a lot better than yours, really. It came in a lot more full. Yeah, but he started it. He cheated. What do you mean he cheated? He won't admit it, but fucking Ronnie Duncan told me. Cory was down at the farm rubbing horse shit on his face, like fertilizer, to make it grow faster, and I think it worked.

I don't know about fucking horse shit, but he has been using some hydroponics grow nutrients, washing his face with those, and it seems like it did maybe help something. It's working, man. It's way thicker than yours. Like, is yours going to kick in? It's going to kick in, but it looks good. The lady down at the drugstore told me it looked like George Clooney. Not to shave it. George Clooney. That's what she said. She said, my God, you look just like George Clooney.

Yeah, she's fucking 80 years old, man. She can't hardly see what, she doesn't know what he looks like. She was feeling my face and everything. My aunt's 80 years old, and she has a beard that looks like that, too. Who? My aunt. Your aunt's got a beard like Bubbles. Yeah, and she's like 80.

It looks just like that. See, that's shit we don't need to know shit like that. Who gives a fuck? When you say aunt, do you mean a woman? Yeah. But she's old, right? So, you know. And she's got a beard.

Anyway, let's get this thing started. Corey's the guest. Everybody, welcome. Corey, good to see you. Right on, Corey. Hopefully you don't fuck this up. You didn't do the intro. You gotta let me do the intro, man.

I've been doing it every episode. Well, do it then. All right, what's going on, you fuckers? This is the official Trailer Park Boy podcast coming at you. This is episode 55. Or is it 40? 54. 55.

I thought it was 54 like the band 5440. No, it's 55. All right. I think it's 54. I checked on the website and it is 50 fucking 5. Look who's smart because of his computer only. What's a podcast? That's what we're doing

right now, Corey. The thing I explained to you about sex times. We're talking into the microphones and there's cameras. People can see us and we're just here

talking. Remember I said it was like being cast out to the world? Yeah, dude. He doesn't have a fucking clue, but I just remember. All right, we've got to mention the sponsors. Let's just get this out of the way, all right?

It's brought to you by trailerparkboysmerch.com. Check it out. Yes, and these guys. Well, neat microphones who I did the deal with. We get it? Okay. Where's the arms? And beer. Vodka and some kind of... They're not sponsors, Rick.

Juice? They're just things you have. Alright, well... The microphone people from Gibson and Neat Microphones, they are sponsoring us, too. It's just, you know, it's just sitting there, man. I got the cables and the mics. I just need to get in here. Next time you get a deal going, please talk to me first

so we can get, like, a double deal going. Same time. These guys are going to be working back and forth. That's how you do it, man. Ricky, why are your fucking glasses so crooked? What do you mean? Well, they're lopsided, like you got hit with something. Did you walk into a wall?

Is that better? Not really. Well, maybe yours are crooked too, bubs. Did you ever think of that? And because yours are crooked, they make mine look crooked when really they're not crooked. Do you guys think they're crooked? I don't know. I used to really focus on my own bias.

No, they're crooked, man. It's like down by your earlobe. It's got to go up around your ear. It's the same on both sides. No, then you just fucked up the other side. Now it's up too high. Tune into the podcast and watch Ricky try to put on a fucking pair of glasses. They must be bent.

Your head's bent. Inside. I wish it was bent right around your mother. Whatever that means. Oh, look at this. You think you made a deal with the merch people. This is what they should have. Look at that. I made that.

What was that? Why aren't you selling that? Look at this. Watch this. Yeah, but how long did it take you to make it? Didn't take me very long, Ricky. I just routed that out, gave her a bit of blowtorch work, put some shellac on her, peeled the label off

one of the ladies' liquor bottles. How long did it take you? It's pretty fucking nice. What would you sell one of those for? I'd sell that $19.99. Real wood. All right. I think that would look nice in anybody's bar.

I'll buy one. Think you could make a thousand of those in one week? A thousand? You make a thousand of those in one week? A thousand? You make a thousand of those in one week, you're going to make probably $250. $250 what? Keep that in mind. $250. What's the fucking math on that if you're selling them for $20?

A thousand times 20, you're going to gross $20,000. Yeah. $20,000, and I you're gonna gross $20,000. $20,000 and I'm gonna make 250? Yeah, plus you'll get a cut on, you know, if we sell them all, but that's the thing. We have to sell them all. Well, I might just do that. I might just do that. What's new with you, Cory?

Oh, dude, not much, you know, I hang out a lot, you know. I like writing music and stuff, like got albums and trying to get out and you know, I like got a new game, been playing some new games. I'm watching the Olympics, because the Olympics are on. That's kind of like why I'm really hyped about the Olympics, I love that shit. I like watching the sexy swimming, when the girls are upside down with the legs and shit. It's just dope, man. Like all upside down. It's like awesome, man. It's not called sexy swimming, Corey. It's called synchronized swimming.

It's pretty hot, though. So I'm doing that. I love that. And watching like dudes run and stuff and, you know, all that stuff. I don't like just walking, though, but I thought I might try it myself. Speed walking. Yeah, because it's kind of easy, right? You're not really running. So I figured if I walk, because I walk fast anyway, I could probably be really good at it. So it kind of gives me, like, hopes and dreams and shit, dude. So I love the Olympics, man. I'm like...

That's kind of what I'm doing right now. So you're going to train to be a fucking Olympic speed walker. Yeah, think about it, dude. It's cool. Like, generally, I don't like to walk. Like, I like to get drives and stuff, but, you know, it's like... Well, maybe there's an advantage, though, Cory. Olympic hitchhiking. Olympic getting a drive to the store.

You'd be great at that. You'd get a gold medal. Yeah, dude, people give me drives all the time when I ask. I'd probably win. That's dope. I could be your driver, probably, because you usually get fucking drives from me. Yeah, right? And you drive fast and kind of scary, so other people probably wouldn't even want to go against you. Where is the next Olympics? Because there's only so many countries I'm allowed to go to.

It's happening right now, Ricky. The Olympics are on in Rio. Is there going to be another one? Yes, there'll be another one. There's an Olympics every four years. Every year, dude. Hopefully it's closed. Not every year. Every four fucking years.

And then the winter ones come in there in the middle. Split up the weight. So every year? Every second year. But you just said every four years. For the Summer Olympics. Which are just said every four years. For the Summer Olympics. Which are on right now in Rio.

What about the Fall and the Spring Olympics? What the fuck would be the events at the Fall Olympics, Ricky? I don't know. Raking? Raking leaves? That'd be a good one. No, it would be a shitty one, man. It'd actually be kind of cool. You know, they fill the arena with leaves and you just go out there full contact raking.

Full contact, okay, alright. Whoever can get the most leaves in their bag and you're allowed to chop people with the rakes. I'd do that. That's dope. What would be the Spring Olympics? Cleaning your house. Yeah. Cleaning your house, Olympics. Cold water swimming. Cold water swimming, banging. People do a lot of banging in the spring.

For the Olympics, though? Well, I'm just saying, there's not gonna be a spring Olympics, of course. But if there was, that would be the categories. Cleaning out the garage. And banging. Yes, cleaning out the garage. I'd watch all that stuff. Of course you would.

So basically you sit around and jack off to the Olympics all day. That's what you do, right? Is that what you're doing? No, I do that. No, you said you like to synchronize swimming and you, what, do you like pause it and stuff? No. Sounds like you must do that if you're talking about it. I could just picture him just, you know, whacking away. He's picturing me.

Watch him swim. Dude, you're totally picturing me jerking off, man. That's weird. No, no, no, I'm not picturing you doing it. You just said you could picture me doing it. That's kind of weird, dude. I don't know. I'm not picturing you doing it. You just said you could picture me doing it. That's kind of weird, dude. I don't know. I'm not picturing you doing it, Brad.

I don't know. Julian does get a little weird. Why did you say I can just picture you doing it? All right. I fucked up that. All right. That's weird. I wouldn't.

I could. So you sit home doing that, picturing him doing it. I'm not jacking off to the Olympics. What are you talking about? No. I mean, it's kind of flattering, dude. At least, like, I think people think about me all the time. So it's kind of, you know. You think people think about you all the time of flattering, dude. Like, I think people think about me all the time, so it's kind of, you know...

You think people think about you all the time for what? Yeah, dude, I think, you know, I've been told that I'm a sex symbol. By who? People. Who, Jacob? Well, yeah, but... Jacob said that to you? Yeah, but...

So you think that you're using, like, people are using you as material? Like, if, you know, whoever's, like, going, oh, yeah, I'm going to get this going, they're like, boom. Well, if you are, probably lots of other people are. Exactly. Yeah, you're probably the, you know... We took a survey, and it was like, well, Julian does it. No, man, fuck off, Pops.

Just talking about him. Are you on my side or his side? I am. I'm neutral. I'm just pointing out that you did say I can just picture you doing that. Which sport would he be watching when you're picturing him doing it? Beach volleyball. I'm not picturing him doing anything, okay?

I fucked up. I said the wrong thing. Women weightlifting and shit. They would not fuck around, man. You have to be careful with one of those gals. Why? What do you think would happen? Well, if you piss them off, they'll just fucking pick you up and throw you across the room or something.

Judo, dude, all that stuff, man. Wrestling. So you think an Olympic weightlifting woman, if you pissed her off, she might pick you up and fire you across the room? She has the power to do it. She can just pick you up and put it over your head and smash you right through the fucking ceiling. I don't think they're that strong, man. Dude, they lift like 250 pounds over their heads.

All right. I weigh, like, I weigh 210, so. They might crash you through the ceiling. They could, or they could just, you know, and then you know how they just let you go, and you bounce. Yeah. Could do that, too. Yeah, they could really fuck with you. They could tear things right off your body. Like what, bubs? I don't know. Arm?

They might be able to tear your arm off. Something smaller? Would you bang a chick that was, like, that big? Who? You. You. You better believe it. What if they did something really fucked? Like if they ripped your leg off from the knee down,

then they ripped your foot off and shoved the foot back onto the knee. So just your... What? What do they do? Your whole lower leg is gone. They rip your leg off the knee, then they rip the foot off of that, and they jam the foot back on the knee.

Why? Just removing your shin, basically. What are you talking about? Why the fuck would you want that done to you? I would just say that they would have the power to do it. Who would? The weightlifting check? You rip your foot off and then your...

From your knee down off and then just stick the feet back up there. Feet back on knees. Make you like that little guy from King of the Hill. That is fucked. Turn you into shinless Joe Jackson. Shoeless Joe's cousin. Shoeless Joe's. Shoeless Joe's cousin. Shoeless Joe's.

Shoeless Joe's cousin, shinless. All right. That was a nice wave. That was a nice wave. Yeah, man. What were we talking about? Corey, did anybody say you could have chips? Why, you put it on the table.

You're a loud eater. Really crunchy. The what? He're a loud eater. Really crunchy. The what? He's a loud eater? Yeah, he crunches loud. Some people get very annoyed by that, you know that? What the fuck did you guys smoke? I don't know, I have no idea.

It's something new. Yes, it is. I don't even care anymore, bubs. It is something new, and it's powerful. It's very powerful. It's supposed to be done in dabs and... What the fuck was that? I don't know what that was. What do you got a fucking... We're not doing that again.

Oh, look at that! I got buzzards for Family Feud! For fuck's sakes, Bubz. Real colored buzzards with different sounds coming out of them. Way to kill the buzz on, Bubs. Yeah. I want that one because it sounds like a fucking boxing ring. You take that one. Cord, you want to play Family Feud?

Yeah, dude, I'm down. I like games. That sounds like you watching the sexy swimming. And that's Julian tugging his meat. Pitching Corey watching this. Would you shut the fuck up? Where was I? Well, that's the one you're getting.

Okay, boys. Now we're going to play real family feud. I got the real questions right off the internet. Maybe me and Cora should be a team. Made up the real cards that unfold. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Settle the fuck down over there. Fuck this.

They unfold and top ten answers are on the board. Nice. This is the real deal now. All right. Do people really want to hear us playing this stupid game though, Bubz? I don't think so. Just want to fucking watch yourself, you little bastard. I'm still trying to determine who's smarter between you and Rick.

Oh, come on. Maybe Corey. Maybe Corey's the smartest. Now we're going to throw Corey into the mix. Maybe Corey. You got nothing to lose, Corey, because no one's expected much. Okay, good then. That means...

Do you know how to play, Corey? I don't know. I read a question, and if you think you got the answer... I just hit that? That's all you do. Remember the... We used to watch a show with Ricky Darson on.

Dawson. Ricky Dawson was the guy. Remember? Richard Dawson. Oh, yeah, dude. Yeah, dude. Remember? He used to kiss everybody.

Yeah, that dude's a real creepy dude. Yeah, he used to kiss all the ladies, and then... Yeah. All right, dude. Yeah, dude. Remember, he used to kiss everybody? Yeah, that dude's a real creepy dude. Yeah, he used to kiss all the ladies and then... Yeah. All right, man, I know what to do. I wish I had a show like that. You could just kiss all the ladies. You could have a show. Get away with it.

You could start a new show called Kissing with Ricky. You think that could be a show? I think it could. You just going around kissing people against their will. Let's try it. Let's try to make it happen. Against their will. Yeah, that could be a different show, yeah.

Fellas, I mean. Not ladies, just fellas. Kissing fellas at the biker bar. Pops. Don't ever do that again, Matt. With the beard, it looks really fucking weird. I think my beard looks fantastic. Look at that, it's coming in even.

Nice George Clooney gleam to it. Okay. Bus stop. Are we ready? Hey! Do-do-do! Do-do-do! Do-do-do!

Do-do-do! Do-do-do-do! Do-do-do! Welcome to Family Feud. I'm your host, Bubbles Dawson. Are you gonna kiss everyone? No, I'm not. My cousin Richard used to, but I don't do that. All right, let's go right to the questions. Top seven answers are on the board.

Are you guys ready? Excuse me. Yeah, dude. So you just hit if you have the answer. Yes, and then I already, I have the answers all done the right way. This is real deal family feud now. all done the right way. That's just real deal family fugue now.

Name something a man had better not take along on his honeymoon. Corey's in first. Well, what's the fucking answer, Corey? You said if I know an answer, I just hit it, but you already have the answers. No, but I... You need to tell me the fucking answer, and then I decide if it's the right one or not.

But is my answer supposed to be... If you have the answer, does it really matter if I... Oh, my fuck, Corey. Okay, hold on. I won't do it again. Uh, his girlfriend. That was a good one, Corey. Hmm. That was a good one.

That is the number one answer. With 33, well, the answer, number one answer was another woman. Yeah, what's up, dude? What's up, Corey? You knew the answer. So you guys can't even steal because he's got the number one answer. It's fine by me. Unless you got every other of the six answers without missing one. Then you win.

What? Never mind. I can't. I don't like this game, man. Well, too fucking bad. We are playing it. All right, and we're into the second round. Name something.

Top seven answers are on the board. Here's the question. Name something you would seven answers are on the board. Here's the question. Name something you would hate to find under your bed. Just wait. He was in first again. Because I heard the... Corey. I wouldn't want to find cheese under my bed.

Okay, that's not even in the top seven. Big X. Ricky, to steal. A dead body. There is a person. Technically, that's the seventh most popular answer. Julian, you can steal this round. A wild animal. Well, why do you got to be so general? Okay, like a python or something. A snake number two. Fuck. Right there, Julian wins round two. It's one, one, Cory and Julian.

All right. Let's take a commercial break here. We don't have commercials. Fuck. All right. Right into the next round. Are we all down and we all set? You ready?

Get your hand ready. I'm ready. Name a bad job for someone who is accident prone. Julian! Fuck! Construction worker. Oh, cocksucker. Ding, ding, ding.

Number two answer. What? Number two answer. There is one answer that will steal the round. Name a bad job for someone who is accident prone. Ricky or Corey? You can't buzz in. Why not?

It's because you already fucking buzzed in. Family feud rules. They get a chance to steal the round. Ricky! Astronaut? Fuck. Corey, you can go up here. You can fucking win round two.

Well, if you were accident prone, that means you're clumsy and shit, and you're always getting in trouble, or you're always fucking things up. So if I were... Generally on Family Feud, we don't reason out the answers. We just yell them out. A zookeeper.

That's a good one, Corey. It's kind of fucked. Julian wins that round. God damn it. Number one answer was a driver. That's what I was going to say. Well, that's your fucking astronaut you drive. What do you drive, Ricky?

You drive a space car. Or, you know, a space vehicle. If you fuck up in space, you're dead. You don't even, you can't even have one accident that'll kill you. So the fucking hundred people that asked that question are dumb, because it should have been an astronaut. Let me just review this. He said

astronaut. No, that's not close enough to driver. Alright, fuck it. Because they don't actually drive anything. I got one point in my mind. They just get strapped in. Okay. Are we all down and we all set? This is fucking awesome, boys. It's just like Family Feud. I'm getting this one.

Okay. Name something you wouldn't want to happen while you're giving a speech. Ricky's in first! Uh, give birth. That's impossible. That's a good answer, dude. It is not in the top seven answers. Fuck. That's crazy, man.

Julian to steal the round. Shit yourself. I was gonna say that. Shit yourself is not on the list believe it or not. Something close is on there. Cory. Get killed. People get killed. The president's shit get killed man that's it. That is not on the board so it's back to anybody's game. Name something you wouldn't want to happen while giving a speech. Julian!

Puke. Technically not on here. You fucking prick! Get hit by thunder. I mean lightning. That's what I do. That is not there either. Corey!

Burn! Burn? Burn, man! You wouldn't be setting fire and shit if you got caught in fire. Like the lightning. But if it's like the lightning didn Burn, man! You wouldn't be setting fire and shit if you got caught in fire like the lightning, but if it's like the lightning didn't strike you, but then you burn afterwards. That is not on there either! Ricky!

To get booed? Get heckled! Number five! Ricky's on the board, Julian can steal! Sneeze. Number five. Ricky's on the board. Julian can steal. Sneeze. Sneeze? You don't want to sneeze when you do it.

That's not on there. Corey can steal the round. Buzz in, buzz in. Don't show up. What's the fucking question again, man? This is getting ridiculous. I missed something. Name something you wouldn't want to happen while giving a speech, but Ricky won the round. All right, what's the fucking question again, man? This is getting ridiculous. I missed something. Name something you wouldn't want to happen while giving a speech, but Ricky won the round.

All right. Well, what about mine? Mine's like, if you didn't show up, is it on there? No, it's not on there. How could you be giving a speech, and then all of a sudden you didn't show up? Well, maybe you were rehearsing it in your car. Teletransport.

It's not, I don't know. But if you didn't show up, that would be bad. But you couldn't already be giving the speech, Corey. Space-time continuum. You could steal the round. Tie game.

I think it's all bullshit, man. Every answer I gave you was way better than fucking... Well, they're not in the top 100 survey. Who the fuck are they asking? Different people. Random people. I don't know.

This is full of shit, man. The number one answer was having your zipper down. I don't see that as a bad thing. Who gives a fuck? I'm just telling you what the number one answer is. Who's winning? Corey and... No, it's a three-way tie!

Holy fuck, we gotta keep going, boys. I was gonna call her off right there, but... We gotta keep going. Whew. This is for the... Okay, these are both excellent questions. Let me just... Take the easiest one.

Name a place you visit where you aren't allowed to touch anything. Jewelry was in! Julia's house. True. Where you're not allowed to what? Touch anything. That is true, Corey, but it's not on the list. Julian.

Museum. Ding, ding, ding, number one answer! There we go. Fuck. I buzz in second. Number one answer, museum. I was gonna say that. Number two, what do we think?

Church? Doctor's office. Kindergarten. Hospital. Doctor's office. Kindergarten. Hospital. Uh... Kindergarten is a weird one. Number two answer is a zoo. A zoo, you're not allowed to touch anything in there.

You get your arm bit off. Unless it's a petting zoo. That's a good point, Ricky. A petting zoo would be the exact opposite rule. Number three answer, a strip club. That's not true. We love touching. If you got enough money, you can do whatever the fuck you want in a strip club. Not when your mother's working there.

Number four, a baseball game. And number five, a china shop. How do you touch something at a baseball game? I don't know. A baseball game? Are you serious? A baseball game? You can't touch anything. I've touched some things at baseball games. Like what, Ricky?

Patty... what's her name? Back in grade seven, that was fun. Who did you touch? Patty, uh... Masterson, was that her name? Patty Masterson. I remember Patty Masterson. What do you mean you touched her? She was a Masterson at some things, let me tell you.

Such as what? What were you touching on her, Ricky? How did the bases go again? First base. First, second, third, and fourth. I know how many there is. There's four. First, second, third, and home.

I didn't get to home. What happens at third base? Lots of stuff. You're getting shit going. Pants are off. What about second? That's pretty good. All right.

Pants still on, but things in pants. I believe boobs are out at that point. Yeah. Yeah, second then for sure. I mean, in trying to steal third. Trying to steal third? You can steal third if there's a pop fly. And you catch it, you tag up and you go,

who's talking about sex stuff, Corey? Not the real rules. Or are you talking about sex stuff? What's a pop fly? If you pop your fly? Yeah, your boner pops your fly open. I don't know, just that sounds good though. I don't know. Sorry, I...

You guys want to do one more fucking winner takes all? Yeah, I do. I'm the official winner here. Right now you are, but are you willing to go winner takes all? I got one more question. Let's do it. Okay, get your hands ready on your wieners. On yourieners.

On your buzzers. Name an article of clothing you can't wash in a washing machine. Yours didn't buzz because you hit it with the stick. Which means it's me. Which means it's Julian. Lingerie. And that's not me, that's Phil. The chicks. Oh, you have trouble washing your linger me, that's Phil. You know, the chicks.

Oh, you have trouble washing your lingerie, do you? No, no, not me. I've been with some ladies. How do you wash your lingerie, Julian? Oh, sit your fuck off. That is not the number one answer, but that is sort of the number two answer. Number two answer was brass. Brass. Alright.

Brass. I think you got it. Corey! Glasses! Glasses? Yeah, man, I put my glasses in the washing. I can't do that. That's a good one, Corey.

Yeah, dude. It is a good one, Corey, but it is not on the list. Ricky, just steal the game and be the winner of the whole fucking thing. Winner takes all. Think, Ricky. Silk pajamas. Or rayon. Rayon shrinks.

Rayon's not good to wash. Silk underwear or silk pajamas? Ricky, you think that's the number one answer. What was the question? Name an article of clothing you can't wash in a washing machine. Corey. No, let him answer because I'm wash in a washing machine. Corey. No, let him answer, because I'm still thinking. All right, Corey.

I think you did answer, but that's all right. I did. Article of clothing. A wedding dress. Nobody puts a wedding dress in that shit. A gown, number seven. Three other people came up with that. Nice going. Good answer, buddy.

That still didn't beat jewelry. Leather jacket. That's good, dude. That's the winner. I up with that. Nice going. Good answer, buddy. But that still didn't beat Julian. The leather jacket. That's good, dude. That's the winner. I bet you that. It's number four, Ricky. Fuck. All right.

Fuck. So Julian is the undefeated champ. Number one answer was shoes. Which, yeah, fuck it. Ricky, I was just about to reach for that. I could have lost my fingers. You could've. Would you, I got a question though.

Would you put your glasses in the washing machine? No, I wouldn't, Cory. Why the fuck would I do that? Because I think that people... You know how a washing machine works? Yeah, I do. That's why I think people at home are wrong. I don't think you should try it,

but you could, I guess. Maybe that's not considered an article of clothing, is it? You wear it, dude. You wear it. It's part of my style and my outfit. You should put it in your dishwasher. Actually, that's probably not a bad idea. It's better than a fucking washing machine. They don't fucking melt, boys.

Do you know how much heat there is in a washing machine? I'm trying it. How come you can put plastic dishes in glasses in a dishwasher? But you can't put metal because it sparks. No, Ricky, that's a microwave oven. You can put metal, you put forks and knives in a fucking dishwasher. So if you put forks and knives in plastic dishes and glasses, you can technically put glasses in the dishwasher and you should be fine.

Mm-hmm. You know what? You could be right, Corey. You could have had another smart dumb thing today. I'm going to get a dishwasher and try it. Then we'll do that next week. Okay, Ricky, you're in charge of that. Why do you need to fucking clean your glasses anyway? You just take like a napkin or something and wipe it off. I just take Windex and squirt it on.

Yeah, but if you did that, then it's like super stain clean, dude. Yeah. Yeah, all germs are gone. Like, not just like wiping off fingerprints and shit. I mean, those are gonna be clean for like seven years. I bet you'd be seeing things you hadn't seen in fucking years. Totally, dude.

I bet you, like, you know, you wouldn't look so much like my aunt through the glasses probably. I'd look, not look like that. You could see all the pixels around I'm trying it thanks for the idea dude I love the game I love podcasts I always wanted to be a TV host you you're good man you were really good thanks dude can I come back maybe you can Corey let's hear how you would do the intro if we were just starting. Uh, okay. Yo, what's up, dudes? Welcome to Corey's, uh, or... Yeah, pretend it's your podcast. Take two, and action.

What's up, dudes? Welcome to the Corey podcast. I hope all you motherfuckers are doing good. I got a lot, three guests with me today. You know who they are, and we're going to be talking about these guys and food and video games, girls, the Olympics, guys, calendars, and alligators, because those things are dope. Holy fuck, he's a great podcast. That sounded a lot better than our fucking shitty podcast. That wasn't bad. Yeah, that was fucking awesome, Corey. Maybe you missed your calling.

What sort of were we going to talk about with the guy calendars? What was that? Huh? That was fucking awesome, Corey. Maybe you missed your calling. What story were we going to talk about about the guy calendars? What was that? Huh? The guy calendars. Well, I said, no, I just need to talk with girls, to talk with guys, and then we talk about calendars. Oh, okay.

Yeah, but I mean, I'll talk about guy calendars, dude. You didn't say girls, though. It was just guys and then the calendars and then there was something right after that. Cool. Which is cool. Yeah, man then there was something right after that. Cool. Which is cool. Yeah, man. I'm down.

You know? Yeah. I talk about everything, dude. I'm like, my show is cool. There's some birthdays today we forgot to mention. Two of Julian's top ten. What? You tried to look like these guys growing up a little bit.

Different stages in your life. John Stamos. Oh, I remember you. I remember your Stamos phase. You remember the John Stamos hair phase? I remember your Stamos hair phase. I didn't have a

fucking Stamos phase. Yes, you did. No, I didn't. And Matthew Perry. And Matthew Perry. Yeah, I remember that. You watched every fucking episode of Friends.

I know that for sure. No, man. I remember when you were into Friends. I did watch a bit of That show when I was in jail Everybody did but Yeah

The one and only president That you said if you had to You would bang Bill Clinton Happy birthday When did I Ricky You're fucked in the head

When he was in office you said That he was the sexiest And coolest president When did I say that You may not have said You'd bang him but I No I didn't even say Clinton was fucking sexy.

I banged the president. Because they're rich, dude. Hillary Clinton. They're rich. It could have been Hillary, because she wasn't bad looking back in the day. If you had to bang Bill or Hillary, who would it be? Who's richer? It's going to be Hillary, for fuck's sake.

Jesus, man. She actually got the job. Let's say Bill was richer. Maybe just kind of with the clothes on or something. I don't know. But as long as, like, you know, if he's got like a hundred million dollars, dude, like, you just don't even, you just like turn a blind eye and let him go out and go dating and stuff. And you just stay at home. Be like, hey, I'm happy here.

You just do, you know what I mean? It's like win-win. So now you're talking about maybe having a relationship with him, not just banging him. No, I'm... You mean dating Bill Clinton. No, no, I'm talking about like, marrying Bill Clinton, dude. Because if it's like that much money, and you just have an arrangement and shit, it's like, listen, I'll stay in that other room, and you can do whatever you want,

and I'll just be like, there for the pictures. So you wouldn't wait up for him to see when he came home and what he'd been up to? No, dude, I just like... Gold dig. You just have, like, a little room next to his, and you would gold dig. Yeah, like, I'd be down the hall even at the guest house or some shit, but people do that, man.

People have, like, arrangements all the time. People do that all the time. But he's got to get something from it, man. You just can't say, hey, Bill, there's a new fucking Xbox game coming out. He gets his freedom, dude. You run down to Walmart and get it for me? He gets his freedom.

I say nothing. He gets his freedom, though. Why wouldn't he just be single, then? Why would he need you living down the hall? Because he needs a first lady. He would need a first lady. So you'd be the first lady. Well, I would be the first guy, but it's like, but kinda.

Unless he wanted another first lady, they would kinda, or just, I don't know. Corey, you are fucked. You know what, I just realized something right now. Ricky's way smarter than Corey. I thought there was days where they were like, you know, even. Yeah, no, I agree, I agree. I hope that's... No, it's a compliment. You're fucking know, even. Yeah, no, I agree. I agree. I hope that's... No, it's a compliment.

You're fucking smart, bud. All right. All right, boys. Well, I think I know what I'm doing. What? Going down to the drugstore to meet that lady that called me George Clooney. But she's fuckin' 80.

She's at least 75. She's not 75! She's at least 75. No, I'm talking about the other one. You gonna go hit on her? No, the young one that works there. You had a creepy little voice, I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go down and see if she's working.

She's not 80. She's close, man. She's late 60s for sure. No, she isn't. I'm talking about a different person. She's over 70. She's close, man. She's late 60s for sure. No she isn't. I'm talking about a different person. She's over 70. She's got beautiful blonde hair. She's only, I don't know, my age.

When was the last time you had your prescription checked? What does that mean, Ricky? He's trying to use sex talk. He's not doing a very good job. No, I meant like your glass thickness. Oh. Maybe you need thicker ones. Oh, maybe you need more fuck-offs shoved in your mouth.

I'm sorry, Pops. My eyes. I've got 20 fucking 20. She's in her late 60s, early 70s. It's a blonde wig because she's bald. And she's not looking great, I'm going to be honest. She's very kind. Talking about somebody different. Don't think so, man.

Talking about somebody different. It's definitely not a wig. All right. Well, good luck with that. I hope you get to third base with her, buddy. Yeah. Take some pictures. If you do get to third, you should get sliding in.

Head first. You guys are assholes. Fucking teasing me. Throw a Jimmy hat on a two-putt. Please. Throw a Jimmy hat on it too, bud. Please. Just say protection, man. It's important. Right there.

Stick that where the sun don't shine, bud. Right in your arse. Alright. Wanna get drunk, Cory? Yeah, dude. Let's do it. Awesome.