Trailer Park Boys Presents: Park After Dark - Episode 6 - Let The Liquor Do The Thinking

Episode Date: July 6, 2020

Canada Day drinking is over, July 4th drinking f**kin' starts at midnight! Before Bubbles drives a celebratory dirty donair into him, the Boys discuss drunk cavemen, fart jars, and the Covidiot of the week. Also: What goes up better get cumming down!

Boys! What's up boys? How's it going? I got us all. I had some technical fucking difficulties trying to get the machine configured. Look, I got it working there you are how you doing oh yeah things are working there now yeah i'm sitting around drinking drinking while you're trying to get this going bubs i don know. I normally don't start this early, but what else do you do? Can you see the burn on me right here? Fucking blasted myself in the face

with some fireworks. Jesus. Right in the face. I lit it and the fuse was going and then it stopped so I pecked her up and I was like, what's going on with that? Blammo! Right in the fucking chops Well, you know what?

It's probably not the first time you had something blasted in your face so buff. So at least you're probably prepared for it somewhat What's that supposed to mean? Thank you. You know, you probably had some things blast in your face before so So it's on the go, boys? Uh, not much. Just been farming. Snuck home a little bit, get some booze and some dope. Other than that, just chilling, man.

I thought we were going to be good because we had no cases for, like, 19 days, but now we've got cases again, so... Yeah. Not good. Yeah, the fucking... The old WestJet cocksucker came down on the WestJet from Toronto, and he's got the COVID spreading around now. Yeah, no, it's not good, man.

But, you know, we're complaining about one cocksucker fucking shit up. We're lucky. Oh, absolutely. 100%. I mean, it's completely out of fucking control down in the United States right now. I don't know if you've been looking at the numbers, but over 50,000 cases a day. Yeah, that's crazy. That's fucked up.

We got a lot of friends down there, too. That's like, you know. I know. It's terrible. It's terrible. And a lot of people are saying, oh, it's just because there's more testing, but it's not. The fucking hospital rates are going right through the roof. I was reading the hospital

in Houston. Biggest fucking medical center in the world. Fucking ICU is at 102% capacity right now with COVID. Oh, man, that's not good. So, you know, come on, America. You've got to get her under control down there.

We want to be able to come back down and do shows and hang out in the United States. I can't go to the United States right now. I'll get the COVID. No, I want to go to Florida. Florida's one of the worst. And I don't think I'd fare out very good if I got the COVID. I just got a feeling I'd be one of those people whose lungs would get all fucking shitty. And you,

I mean, you've got so much dope resin clogged in your lungs, I bet you if you got the COVID, yours would just, they would just pinch shot. I don't know, a lot of people are saying because, you know, my lungs got this covering on them from smoking so much that, you know, the COVID wouldn't be able to get through at all. It's like a wall.

So I might be good. I wouldn't rely on that intel, Ricky. That it all. It's like a wall. So I might be good. I wouldn't rely on that intel, Ricky. That doesn't seem... It's a wall. It's like a wall of hash. Hash slime. It's like a turd wall. Like a turd, hashy turd wall. Yeah, it makes sense.

I don't... I buy that. I wouldn't rely on having a hashy turd wall as a barrier against the COVID. I would just try not to get the COVID. Well, that's what I'm doing. That's why I've been living in the goddamn woods. I know.

And that's why I've been drinking a lot more, because booze, I think, kills it as well, because it fucking gathers in your throat. Drink a good stiff drink. I think it killed almost anything. You put a big stiff what in your throat? Drink. Stiff drink down the mouth.

That isn't what I heard. I heard something else too. Another D word. Did you hear? Oh, Ricky. That's a good one, Ricky. All right, boys. Okay. I got a question.

True or false? I mean, not true or false, but what's been around longer, do you think? The wheel or booze? I would have to say the wheel. Didn't a cave cock sucker say the wheel. Didn't a cave cocksucker invent the wheel? I'd say booze, because they're probably sucking on fermented berries and apples and figured got them all fucked up when they were cavemen. That's probably how they invented the wheel.

He probably sucked on some fermented apples, got all banged up, and was rolling down the hill drunk and was like, holy fuck, that's pretty efficient. I'm pretty efficient. That's what happened. That's a good theory. So booze has been around a lot longer. That's what happened? Yep.

Kind of like the old chicken and the egg story. Well, you imagine if you were drunk and you were rolling down a hill as a caveman and, you know, you only got a loincloth on, so your wiener's probably flapping all over the place. But you're rolling down the hill and you're like, it's very efficient for me to get from there to there just by doing this. I should build something that's that shape and then I can put things on top of it and move things. That's how it happened, the liquor. The liquor did the thinking. I would say that 95% of inventions came from having a buzz on, probably.

I don't know, you're just more creative. It opens up your mind. All the best music in history was definitely written with buzz on, either liquor or drugs. Usually drugs for the best music. But there's some good liquor. What about Ann Murray? Was she all banged up when she was writing her songs?

Ann Murray, I don't know. I don't want to, you know, I don't want to start a rumor, but, you know, there's pictures of Ann Murray partying at the Troubadour with John Lennon, fucking Alice Cooper. She was in that scene, so you know she was, you know, you know, spring hell girl, but that doesn't mean she wasn't doing a little...

She could have been doing something. Well, she's from the East Coast, man. I'm telling her right now, that kid's record that she wrote, she was banged up on something bad when she wrote that. What That kid's record that she wrote, she was banged up on something bad when she wrote that. Kid's record? What fucking kid's record? Wasn't there a kid's record with alligator

soup or something on it? Maybe that was somebody else. Alligator soup. Maybe I'm thinking of something else. Well, the green alligators and long-haired geese. That song? Yeah, it could be that's the irish rovers

all i wanted was a unicorn there was green alligators and long-haired geese something something something and yourself man you're you sound really really fucked up yeah you're frankly man am i crack crackling in my ears man yeah I might be too loud I might there was green alligators and long neckies yeah that's a little better something at me I thought that she wrote a kid's album And I remember being Listening to it going wow Was this person ever baked when they wrote this

But I could be wrong I don't know Ricky I'm usually right about everything But once in a while I am wrong You kidding me You're fucking wrong all the time It's a nice thing to say Anyway boys I got this fucking

I found this fact generator on on the computer right? What's a fast fucking that? It's a fact okay check out this fact Londoners, and we love London right but check this out England London Ontario is not bad too. That's a good place to get drunk But London, England They used to keep Fert jars back in the 1600s Alright, do you know what for? Did you say Fert jars? Fert jars, man They would Fert

They would Fert in a jar Turn the thing Remember Randy did that You punched him in the gut Knocked him out Knocked the wind out of him He did that to keep him up Went whoosh

Okay, they used to have these for the fucking to combat the plague. How do you combat the plague with a fart jar? Okay. All right. I was hoping you'd ask me. The idea was that the potent smell would somehow purify the air

with the potent smell. All right. Now, see, whoever came up with that idea was out of their minds. And probably being drunk. Like you were saying, man, everybody must have been wasted all the time back then, right?

You would think so. That's what I'm thinking. That's what I'm thinking, man. You'd have to. Because then all of a sudden, like, technology just explodes, right? From that, from shit like that, from farting all of a sudden, like, technology just explodes, right? From that, from shit like that, from farting in a jar to, like, today, right? That might be how the superconductor was invented, you know? Fart jar.

You know, maybe. Maybe somebody thought I should. That's what I'm saying. Or sulfur matches. Maybe I gotta harness this fart smell in a jar. Maybe I could make a flammable thing out of it. Maybe. How long would it last

in a jar? I guess quite a while, wouldn't it? If it's airtight, it's gonna last, Ricky. Long time, man. I don't know how that, I don't know how, what the anatomy of a fart does once it's contained for a certain amount of time. Does the fresh air that's contained

in the jar overtake the fart molecules? I have no idea. If you had one in a mason jar, you threw it at Randy's head and it smashed open on his face, would he smell it? If he was still conscious, if he wasn't knocked out from the impact, he might smell it. See, that takes bottle kits to a whole new level i might become a bottle kid again just refer to jerry's well check this out back then in the 1600s when people are doing this they must there must have been conversations where they're sitting around getting drunk and

high going what the fuck are we going to eat that's going to give us the worst smelling gas coming out of her ass you know what i mean that would have been a serious conversation you know what i mean yes i heard been a serious conversation you know what I mean yes I heard Brock isn't it broccoli and water two of the worst I think well that that's what I'm saying this we're doing exactly what they probably were doing all hammered I'm gonna eat this fucking thing this is gonna give me some rancid fucking smells but it was serious business man it was like life-saving man you're sounding really fascinated with this yeah it's just just got to get thinking about when you're alone all the time

how did you even find out about fart jars and the plague it's my amazing fact generator that i found online and i've been hitting the button like non-stop man i'm kind of addicted to it well please don't stop with first chairs and the plague. What else you got? Yeah, no kidding. Yeah. Well, back in the 20s and 30s, you know, women used to have those big fucking crazy little hats with the flowers and shit. Well, they had to put a sign up at the movie theaters to tell the women to take their fucking hats off.

There used to be signs. So if we can find a sign like that somewhere, that's probably worth a lot of money. Why would that be worth money? Have you ever seen a fucking sign that said, ladies, take your fucking hats off? With the swear word in it? Well, I'm just saying in general.

Would not be a nice way to say that to a lady well it's uh you know there's also another thing here 37 to 40 million years penguins six feet tall they weigh 250 pounds so penguins i mean i weigh about 250 and six one so i'm like i'm a penguin i'm the size of a penguin back then when was this like 37 day 40 million maybe 41 million give or take a million years ago you know everything was bigger back then what ricky what else what else was bigger back then the terror duck they were like a big bird with crazy wingspan pterodactyl pterodactyl. Pterodactyl. Whatever it was. It was a giant duck, wasn't it?

I don't think it was a duck. And the Brontosaurus burger. That was on Fred Flintstone, Ricky, for fuck's sakes. Brontosaurus burgers. Things were bigger. They were much bigger. Yeah.

I think the mushrooms. Mushrooms. Mushrooms were like bigger than you. All kinds of weird, crazy plants. I don't know that mushrooms were bigger than people, were they? Six footers. That's a fact. Lizards were bigger.

I thought I read that somewhere, but you know what? I could have got it dreamt, too. I don't know. Look it up. Look it up in one of your smart boxes. Alright, check this out. Who owns all the fucking dolphins in the UK? Elon Musk. Nah, not Elon Musk.

Why would you think Elon Musk owns dolphins in the UK, Ricky? He's just got enough money that he Something he could just buy just to say he owns them all I'm going, one more guess Is it the Queen? It's the Queen, yeah The Queen

What if she gets the role? The Queen owns all the dolphins in the UK Yep And all the dolphins, man She owns all the dolphins, all the swans Do I think? How the fuck does she own all the swans all the dolphins, man. She owns all the dolphins, all the swans. Do I think? How the fuck does she own all the swans and the dolphins? Yeah, I mean, the dolphins go and come.

What? I get the swan thing, but how do you control a dolphin? You don't know where they all are. Like, if a new one gets born, does she just automatically own it? They swim into UK waters. They're hers. But is she responsible for feeding them and changing their dolphin litter?

Who changes their dolphin litter boxes? Yeah, does she feed them? Do you think the queen is out feeding fucking dolphins every day? Well, that's what I'm asking you. If she owns them, she should be. She's a terrible pet owner. It's animal cruelty. They should have

underwater signs up in the harbor where the dolphins can read and say, just so you know, once you come past this sign, the queen owns you, bud. Who's teaching the dolphins English, Ricky? Dolphins are smarter than people. No, they're smarter than you, but they're not smarter than all people and they can't read like you oh man some dolphins can

dolphins can write they can read and write yeah with the little inks notes Yeah, with the little ink snouts. Ink snouts? Okay. Just hang on. I want to talk about ink snouts for a second. What the fuck is an ink snout, Ricky?

Instead of like, you know, when we blow our nose, it's like that clear stuff. Theirs is like a bluish purple. Snot. It's called snot. Yeah, so they just snot it out and form it into different symbols. It's pretty cool. You think dolphins have ink they can blow out of their nose? They don't have a nose, do they? Do dolphins have nostrils?

I don't know. They have something near their teeth that shoots some shit out or something. You're thinking of an octopus, Ricky, that squirts ink. That's a fucking octopus. Octopus is squirt ink, not dolphin. I think, no, but I think when they eat them, they keep the ink that they can use whenever they want on demand. On demand.

On demand. Not fucking true Ricky must have been watching a show on demand and now he's using the term on demand for things I know what it means what does it mean just when you demand it

it's like okay I'm here did you hear about the Louisiana man that's facing charges? I guess he went to a Bass Pro Shop and jumped in the fish tank, went for a little swim, and then he jumped out and ran away. Yeah, I guess he was on the TikTokery, and he said if enough people gave him some likes, he wanted 2,000 likes or more, that he'd go for a swim in the fish tank.

I guess he got way more than 2,000. Didn't want to be called a liar. What happened? He jumped in and then what happened? Jumped out, ran out of the store, took off, but they had him on video, so they caught him. What's happened to him? Is he going to jail?

He's getting charged. Stupid. Guess what his name was jimmy doll wise kevin wise kevin wise not very wise kevin it's it's pretty funny right jesus man kevin i know it's not that funny jesus christ it's pretty funny it's pretty funny it's not well it's he's well he's not wise but he is wise right he's not wise i don't fucking know okay I got to stop thinking about it. I thought it was pretty funny, Ricky. Kevin Wise. Not very wise, Kevin.

So, Bob, do you know what a fucking litter of kittens are called? What? A litter of kittens. A litter of kittens. What is it called? It's called a litter. It's called a litter of kittens. I wish I had one of my buzzards here because I'd go,

Bam! Wrong. It's called a kindle, man. A kindle of kittens. Yep, that's a litter of kittens. That's dumb. I'm not changing it. Well, no.

A kindle of kittens. That's what it's called, man. Well, I've never heard this term. How in the fuck have I never heard this term? I don't know, man. Isn't that that app where you swipe left or swipe right, Kindle? No, Ricky, that's...

No, man. You're thinking of Tinder, and Kindle is a book, electronic book, where you can read books electronically, so you mixed up Tinder and Kindle is a book, electronic book where you can read books electronically so you mixed up Tinder and Kindle. Okay, I don't want anything to do with that. I don't need to know anything about it. I also found this thing here.

Eric Estavillo. What's Twitch? Twitch is a streaming platform where gamers go on and they play games and stream their games, I believe. Okay, well, this guy's suing them for $125 million

because he says a lot of the gamers are too scantily clad and it caused him to injure his penis. What? Yeah, he follows all these scantily clad gamer girls and makes his junk get a little erect. He pulls out his little fleshlight

and he has no choice but to give her. And I guess he's chafed the shaft and got some infections going on and he's pissed so he's suing them. He said it's their fault. He can't sue Twitch because he injured his bird. The other thing he did was

he shot a load on his monitor and it caught on fire. It almost burned his face down. Ricky, where are you getting this information? Look it up on your smart box. Man sues Twitch. He blasted one on his monitor and it went in fire. So it's twitch's fault. I

Don't agree with I'm just telling you From load oh if you got her down in the fucking events where the heat comes out and it went on the circuit board and shorted Her out. That's what I think happened. you could light a monitor on fire that way believe me that's what's going to happen to you but that's going to be a five or six foot shot that's impressive well it depends ricky if he he might have been standing over it too no i think it sounded like it shot up and arced over and came down right around the back i I think. I don't know. How is that even described in the story? How would you even know that? There's no way

the journalist included that in the story. That it arced up over the monitor and went in the back. It would just be my guess from previous incidents. You tried it, didn't you? No, but there's been times where, you know,

like, what's the saying? What goes up better get coming down? Yeah, what goes up must come down. Yeah. So you did that before. No, you read that fucking thing and you tried it, didn't you? I didn't try anything, but sometimes stuff happens like that

when you're just looking after yourself. Looking after yourself. Looking after yourself. Oh, Ricky! All right, a million dollars if you guys can tell me who you, can you tell me, there's, okay, who's Norville Rogers? That's his real name. He's got a nickname.

A million bucks if you can tell me who Norville Rogers is. Norville Rogers? Yep. He's the guy. I know who he is. He's the guy from California. He's only got one upper lip.

Possibly, but no. Everybody's only got one upper lip. Everybody's only got one upper lip. everybody's only got one upper lip everybody's only got one upper lip i would say some sort of an entertainer that changes name because narvel is not a great entertainer name normal could be a great entertainer please welcome to the stage narvel rogers Norval Rogers. Norval. This guy doesn't really exist, okay? He's a character. Oh, Norval Rogers could be Jimmy Neutron's real name.

Close. This sounds dumb. Sport Billy. Sport Billy. Nope. The Lone Ranger. The Lone Ranger, Norval Ranger Norval Rogers, no, no super Superman Spider-man Well closer than the lot yet closer

Wonder Woman Tony Stark No, that's his real name Tony. That's his real name Tony Danza No want me to tell you Yes, shaggy fucking shaggy Tony Danza. Nope. Want me to tell you? Yes. Shaggy. Fucking Shaggy.

Get the fuck out of here. Shaggy? The singer? No, no, no, no. The fucking Scooby-Doo dickhead. Oh, Scoob? Norville. Norville Rogers. Scoob's buddy.

Shaggy. The stoner. Wow, I didn't know that. That's fascinating. You watch this fucking show, you get to learn things, man. That's the beauty of this show. Oh, fuck, boys. I forgot

to tell you this one. When we were talking about the Rona there down in the U.S., you can Google this. This is true. We should have a new segment called fucking arsehole of the week just so that we can give it to these people i believe it was that i believe it was stupid of the week cove idiot of the week okay cove idiot so here's what it was um I think it's students in Alabama.

They're having COVID parties. Okay. They invite people to the party that they know have the COVID. Okay. So, you know, this guy over here has got the Rona. You say, hey, buddy, come to our house party. He shows up all infected with the Rona. And then they're taking bets on who's gonna catch it first and get sick.

Why would you do that? Why? Well, I mean, you're fucked in the head, basically, but that's what they were doing. They're having COVID parties and betting on who's gonna get the Rona first. I don't even know what to say to that. That's, I hope that's not real because that's insane.

No, it is, Ricky. I verified it on the interweb. What a bunch of dummies. You said university? Well, there you go. University dummy dicks. That's what I've always said. They shouldn't even be there.

I agree. They're not smart enough to even be there. You're right. You tell them, Ricky. They definitely should win Earth's Hole of the Week. You can't be spreading the Rona on purpose. Terrible. No, there's nobody talking that.

Those guys win for sure. They're probably COVID-iated of the month, I would think. And the month just started. You guys still celebrating Canada Day? Are you going to celebrate July 4th? I think we should. Just to keep the party going. I'm going to.

All right. Absolutely. Midnight tonight? Midnight. Fireworks. It's today, July. It is, too, until today's July 3rd. It is.

All day. Jesus, Murphy. So tomorrow, yes. is July 3rd. It is. All day. Jesus, Murphy. So tomorrow, yes. So we're going to have to. Let's have a Zoom party on the weekend, boys. Why not? I like that idea. I love a Zoom party.

All right, we'll get Zooming. You have to make me remember how it all works. Oh, I can get you on the Zoomer, Ricky. No problem. I mean, we can do this too did you hear there was a pizza place in Florida and the health inspectors went in to

check it out and they found an 80 pound iguana in the freezer no I did not he was dead obviously was he or frozen he's frozen but I guess people eat iguanas I didn't know that 80 pounds that's a big iguana.

It's a huge fucking iguana. Mexican cuisine, they eat a lot of iguana. It's supposed to be low-fat, high-protein, I guess. I think they'd probably get pretty crispy on the barbecue. They've got that thin skin, right? So they'd probably crispy up. The guy said he wasn't putting it on pizzas. He was just using it for personal

consumption. I don't know. He was putting it on pizza. Fuck me, man. That's gross. You haven't tried it. Maybe it's delicious. Maybe it's a specialty. A specialty item. I don't want to eat a guana.

Guana pizza might be delicious. I have no idea. I wouldn't eat an iguana. You'd never catch me eating one of the filthy cocksuckers. It's supposed to be pretty good for you, I guess. I didn't even know you could eat them. But now that I know that, look out, iguanas. You are not safe. 80 pounds.

80 pounds is a lot of meat. Cocksucker, you know, once you've stripped his bones and his guts out, there's probably 40, 50 pounds of meat on meat cocksucker you know once you stripped his bones and his guts out there's probably 40 50 pounds of meat on the cocksucker jesus that's pretty good yeah it's like eating a small deer but it's an iguana you know what have you guys ever seen like a a painting of george washington before within smiling like the bright pearly whites and everything yes no you haven't you have not no i know why because his teeth were made out of wood and he had like wood teeth and metal teeth and slave teeth and he had all kinds of no man i did not know that. When he was sworn in as president in 1789, he had one tooth remaining. One.

Really? Old Chomper used to call it. Old Chomper. Didn't know that. That's from the Simpsons, remember? Old Chomper, but he had one tooth, and he named it Old Chomper. Yeah, George Washington, he had wooden teeth. I believe he had wooden teeth.

A couple of metal ones, and I believe there might have been some real teeth that were taken from slaves. But his teeth were all kinds of fucked up. So, yeah, you wouldn't see him smiling. He probably looked like he had a whole 1700s grill in. You know? All right, boys. I got to go water my plants, I guess, before it gets too hot.

Yeah, time for me to go. I'm going to come up with some mix somewhere, boys. I'm going to head to the fucking city and see what I can get. I might, you know what I might do? I might go fucking order a dirty fucking donair. Oh, man, you're killing me. My mouth is watered a waterfall.

I'm going to get a big, dirty fucking donair from the king. Drive it right into my fucking yap. I heard China's talking about some new goddamn virus in pigs or something. New form of swine flu could become another pandemic.

But apparently people are going to start wearing masks more in the U.S. because the president down there, you know, Donald Trump, you know how all along he's been saying, fuck you mask, I'm not wearing a mask because it makes me look silly. Apparently he tried one on and he thinks it makes him look like the Lone Ranger. So I'm not joking. He was on the TV last night, and I asked him about masks, and he said, you know what? I put it on, and it actually looked pretty good on me.

It made me look like the Lone Ranger. So he likes the masks now because he looks like the lone ranger he looks nothing like the lone ranger well first of all the lone ranger's mask went over his eyes so i don't know maybe trump put it up here and cut some holes in it i don't know but he thought the mask made him look like the lone ranger you can google it so that's good though so maybe more people start wearing the things and that might be a good thing. So, hi-ho silver, I say. Alright.

Good going, bubs. Awesome. Wear the masks. Alright, July 4th party starts at midnight, boys. Call me then. Okay, say bye. Say bye, Julian. Bye. Bye-bye. See you later, everybody. Say bye, Ricky. Alright, bye, everybody. Stop. Bye. Bye. See you later.

Everybody say bye. Ricky. All right. Bye everybody. Stop being dumb. And, uh, we'll see you next week.

We'll see you next week. Same time, same place. Do this voice. Do it. Julian, do it. Fuck off, Bob's. I'm out of here. I'm done. Gå in på www.sdimedia.com Thank you. you