Trailer Park Boys Presents: Park After Dark - Episode 7 - The Walking Deaders

Episode Date: July 13, 2020

Bubbles has some bad news: looks like the f**kin' zombie apocalypse is coming - and these zombies are HARD! Do you bang, run or kill? Julian explains why you should never take a helicopter ride in Las Vegas, and Ricky has a meaty new business idea!

what's up boys what's going on fucking dark here we go again i feel a little bit better this week thanks fuck oh yeah why why are you feeling better? Y'all greased up. Y'all oiled up. Got some mix. I've got the cola. You got the cola?

I've got some real cola going, man. Let me see if I got my switchers all switching. Look at that. There's no substitute, man.

I cannot believe I cannot believe it's July 10th already, boys. Like, what the hell? Yeah, shit is zooming by, Ricky. Shit is fucking zooming by, baby. Yeah. Yeah, it sure is. But some people are saying that time is not zooming by.

And I'm, like, thinking I wish that's how I felt because it's fucking flying, man. Oh, it's zooming. You're fucking right. It's insane. Zoomy Jones. Already the weekend. Zoomy Jones. Yeah, it's going fast, but we still have this horseshit going on in the world.

Like, it's just, man, 2020 has been not great so far. No, it hasn't been. It's garbage. And you know what? You know what I just saw this morning, boys? Swear to fuck. Swear to fuck.

I should have had it on my machine here to show you. One of the big news places, a few of them, reporting that there's some indications that maybe people that have had the COVID, that had

the Rona, they're getting like brain damage that's giving them like psychosis, maybe a bit of anger. What? Yeah, so you know what I think that is? It's the fucking precursor to the zombie apocalypse.

You watch. If it doesn't turn out that fucking, if you got the COVID fucking six months later, it makes you all crazy and you don't know what you're doing and you start fighting people. You fucking mark my words. I hope not. You know what? People listen to you, man. People think that you're fucking, you know everything.

Like Ricky. I don't know everything. I'm just speculating. People are now going to think, okay, we're going to turn into zombies. I don't think that. I'm just telling people, keep your head on a swivel. If you know somebody that had the Rona, just keep your eye on them.

And if they all of a sudden start trying to bite you, you know, you might have to take some zombie defense courses. Who the fuck is saying this shit? Who is saying this? Where is this coming from? Big news, big news places. NBC, Fox, ABC, all the big ones. All the big ones.

So what happens? Like, you start twitching and shit? Well, there's no twitching and biting yet. That's all speculation. They're just saying there's some evidence that it causes brain damage and it was brain damage, psychosis, and there was another word I didn't like, like some danger-y sounding word.

Yeah. But I think it, you know, just I'm not saying it's going to turn people into zombies. I'm just saying, keep your fucking head on a swivel. If you know somebody with the wrong, keep an eye on them in case they start getting bitey. The other thing it's doing to some people

is giving them really large, I mean, long erections. What? Which is weird. What? Yeah, this guy over in France had like a he had the COVID and he went into the hospital to get checked he was having

trouble breathing and everything so they took him in and gave him a physical and he had an erection that just wouldn't go away they put ice packs on it drew some blood from the shaft and had it tested and all kinds of stuff couldn't get the god damn thing't go away. They put ice packs on it and drew some blood from the shaft and had it tested and all kinds of stuff.

Couldn't get the goddamn thing to go away. Well, I think he was sedated. Jesus Christ, man. Thank God. 62 years old. It's a pretty good run. What a waste, too, because he was sedated

so he couldn't even take advantage of it. How long did he have a rod on? It was at least four and a half hours. I guess after four hours, you can get damage, tissue damage. What happened to you, Ricky? How come you're leaned over? I was talking to something over there. Were you talking to a garbage can or something?

When you lean over, you get lean over again. You get really tiny because you're... Yeah, look. Look how tiny he gets. He gets like... He's looking behind you, though. Amazing. Get out of there.

Stop looking behind me. All right, bub. So this is great. So right out of the gate, you're talking that maybe people that have COVID are going to turn into zombies and give you fucking erections where you got to go and get a needle fucking jabbed in your shaft and get the blood sucked out. I'm not saying...

You know how many people are high out of their fucking minds right now watching this? I'm not saying you're going to get turned into a zombie and Ricky's the one that said you get boners, not me, so I don't know. I'm just saying. So what's true here? Is the boner thing true as well, or

what? So we're going to have fucking zombies walking around with huge erections wanting to fucking eat you. And maybe jab you with the cocks. For me, it kind of pissed me off. I mean, imagine being 60 years old, you're probably having an erection in a while. And, you know, you get the COVID,

and all of a sudden you got a four-hour boner and you can't even use it because you've got a social distance well if there's fucking if there's a weird world owners i mean zombies with boners is one of the worst things that could happen that's that's a fucking that's a horror fucking movie right there boys we just start writing something like that you? What's the best thing to do for safety? Do you just let them bang? Do you bang them? Or do you run? Or do you try to kill them?

What the fuck? Why would you try to bang a zombie with a heart on, number one? That's not the first move. It's all about staying alive. So you do what you do to stay alive. A zombie with a heart on, Ricky. Why would you, like, you'd be thinking about taking a, you know,

a steak or something right to the fucking head to them, maybe. Not take a steak, your cock. Like a T-bone? You just got to watch the walking dead boys. It needs to be a head shot and it needs to be a spike or something. I mean, that's when we're talking full zombie now. Not if just somebody's, you know, got to, you know, oh, I'm feeling not great from the COVID. You don't go with the spikes then.

I mean, they got to be full on zombie with a big boner trying to fuck you or bite you before you, you know, it be confirmed that they're that they're walking dead they can't be still alive they have to be zombie before you can do that after this fuck this fucking park after dark there's gonna be people out there with like suburban trucks and shit fucking you know making them armor our fucking trucks zombie through trucks or something there's already people with fucking zombie trucks driving around, believe me. There's going to be more now because people listen to you, man. You've got to fucking think about that.

You're in front of the fucking camera here talking about shit like that. I'm not telling anybody to make a fucking zombie truck or fucking go hunting zombies. I'm just saying, watch out for people trying to bite you if they've had the rona. And I'm talking months from now.

What's worse, not getting bitten or getting boned? They're both not good, man. It's not a good option there, is it? No. Forget I said it. Forget I said it about zombies. So this is going to be it. Is the boner that's lasting for hours,

probably days when you're a zombie with a boner, is that worse than their hunger? Like, what comes first? Do I got to release the boner or do I got to eat? That's the thing we got to worry about. I don't think a zombie with a boner is going to want to bang anything. Because a zombie,

you got to get into the frame of mind of a zombie okay a zombie's thinking brains brains that's just tv man i don't know because when you when you throw the boner into the mix it could change everything because normally people are controlled by their boner that's right normally you know could be hungry, but all of a sudden the boner pops and you're like, I need a bag. I need a bag. Release the pressure.

It's been four days. Yeah, that's the shit that's going to happen. They can't think in full sentences, boys. One word is all they think in. Brains.

What? I mean, they could be thinking bang, bang. Maybe. Or maybe they're kind of torn. Bang. Food. Bang.

Food. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. These are all, this is all speculation at this point. Next time I go to the doctor, I'll ask him. The doctor's not going to fucking know. He's not going to.

How would a doctor know what, doctors don't, aren't trained in zombie stuff. You got to, you got to do your research, zombie research. If the, if zombies do come at us,

man, if this does happen happen it's real buffs the world is fucked like totally we are like you said a simulation someone's just throwing hey guess what level this is this is the level where we're gonna fucking turn people into zombies it's like a fucking video game right is that what you're talking about um i This all goes hand in hand with my simulation theory. It does seem at this stage in the game whoever's controlling it would be like, you know what?

Let's fucking throw zombies at them. Let them watch zombies on TV for the last few years. Let's throw real zombies at them. Now that they've watched The Walking Dead for seven seasons let's throw real zombies at them, see how they react. Just when you think the world can't get any more fucked up, it's crazy.

And you know what else, boys? What? You know the movie Sharknado? Yes. Real Sharknado stuff is kind of happening now. Did you see that fucking... Well, I was... That was based on. Did you see that fucking... Well, I was... That was based on...

Did you see that big fucking condor that fucking grabbed that shark and was flying around with him? It looked very Sharknado-y to me. No. A condor. Did he drop it? Did he drop it on someone's head and it killed them? No, no. I mean, it's not real Sharknado stuff, but I'm just saying it's...

It looked very... Just wait. Let me see here. I think I can... Here. I mean, it's not real Sharknado stuff, but I'm just saying it's, it looked very, just wait, let me see here. I think I can, here, do I have it? I was pissed off. When Sharknado came out, I was pissed off because I always wondered what a movie called Sharknacane. Sharknacane? Sharknacane, yeah. It was like a hurricane that blows sharks up on the beach and kill a bunch of people, eat their faces off. You had the idea for Sharkacane. Yep. But Sharknado was a better name.

See, you have an idea, somebody else always has the same goddamn idea. It's not fair. Did you have Sharkacane before Sharknado came out? Oh, yeah. When I was like... I was probably a teenager, I think. Well, Rick, you might be able to prove that the Sharknado people stole that idea from you.

They could have, because I did send a lot of pictures of my book around. I mean, if you could prove that, you've got a lot of money coming your way, bud, because Sharknado is a massive franchise. They made over a billion dollars, I think. No, man. A billion dollars? No, they didn't, bubs.

Sharknado is pretty big, I believe. It's a terrible movie. Yeah, but it was supposed to be. It was supposed to be a terrible movie. Here, just wait. Look at this, boys. Look at that. Oh, yeah.

Where is it? Look at the big shark dangling out of his fucking feet. How big is that shark? And watch this. The cocksucker starts flopping. Watch. Watch this. Oh, yeah.

Watch. Oh, fuck. Look. Oh, fuck. Look at that. He's giving one last, yeah, he's giving one last effort. One last effort, right? You're swimming along, la-di-da-di-da, swim, swim, swim, and all of a sudden, you get picked up. That would freak the fuck out of you. Like, you don't even know that that world is there, I guess.

Would you if you live in the water? No, if you live in the water, the only world you know is the underwater world. And you just, there's no such thing as air. There's just the liquidy stuff that you breathe. So you're driving around, floating or swimming around, I mean, not driving. Swimming around. At first, the shark might have been like, wow, this is cool. I didn't know this existed. But then all of a sudden

he's getting pecked to death. Well, and he can't breathe, right? Because he's used to breathing water. And then all of a sudden he's in the air. Do they kill the shark before they eat it or do they just eat it and eat it alive? I think they probably

take them over land and drop them onto some rocks, I would think. Drop them on, yeah, they're smart that way, man. That's what they do. They look at them and they go, cocksucker doesn't have any wings. If I drop him, he's not going to be able to flap away, so I'm going to take him up about fucking 10,000 feet and drop him.

It would suck to die by just one peck at a time, just slowly pecking your skin away and then your muscles. Just drop them. It would suck to die by just one peck at a time. Just slowly pecking your skin away and then your muscles. Just drop them. God. A lot of mafia people, they take people up in helicopters, drop them out of it. Same kind of deal.

What are you talking about? What mafia people do that? How do you know that? People, you know, I guarantee you, man, that dude Pablo, he fucking did that. How the fuck did you know? Because I've read shit about

him, man. Escobar, he's done that shit. Yeah, okay, Pablo, I could see him do it. I thought you were talking like, you know, when you say mafia guys, I picture the guys from Goodfellas. They're not going to be taking people out in helicopters.

I could see Pablo. Why wouldn't they? Why the fuck wouldn't they? Pablo Escobar would do it. I could see him doing that. I've heard they've done that in Vegas and shit. Why? Yeah, see, that's the mafia, man. That's the organization.

Go for a little ride in the desert. Bye-bye. Jump to your death. You are gone. Really? Fuck yeah, man. People are fucked out there. I don't want to be. I'm not going up in any helicopters next time.

I'm in Vegas, man. New business for us, boys. What's that? Vending machines. But there's going to be a twist on them. All's that? Vending machines. But there's going to be a twist on them. All right. I'm liking this. Well, hopefully, I'd like to be able to sell dope and stuff.

That may not work, but sausages. What? I don't think we have sausage vending machines over here. They're huge over in Germany. No, they ain't. Because fucking Germans love their sausage, man. Just wait.

What does it dispense? A sausage in a bun or just a sausage? And is it hot? I think so. I haven't got into it that far yet. But there's 570,000 of these things in Germany. And I don't think there's any over here. And people say that food is good so you imagine

it's late night wasted can't really go to a butcher going a little vending machine and sausage away that would be pretty nice that would be nice would you eat a sausage out of vending machine julian maybe yeah probably i don't fucking know. It depends on how drunk I was, I guess. It's the same shape as things you like to put in your mouth late at night. I fucking... Yeah, I knew you were going to say that.

That's why I didn't even... That's a fuck. I remember those little pie things we used to eat when we were over in England and Australia what was it called Pie Face

it was called Pie Face and it was fucking spectacular that was some good shit and then you know what they opened one of those in New York, Pie Face the same one they had it right there in Manhattan and one time And then you know what? They opened one of those in New York, Pie Face. The same one. They had it right there in Manhattan.

And one time when we were down there, I went and had one. And then the next time we went, the fucking thing was gone out of business. So Pie Face did not catch on in the United States. It's too bad because fucking Pie Face was fantastic. Those were spectacular. Late night. I'm starving right now, too. I would fucking suck an apricot for some Pie Face right now.

I could eat about 10 of them right now. Fuck, man, they'd be good. Speaking of Australia, did you see that on the news where the guy, he was speeding in Australia? No. It's weird, but yeah, doing like 76 to 62 or something stupid. Anyway, the cops called him over and said, sorry, officer. I was fighting off one of the most poisonous snakes in the world.

Oh, I did see that. I did see that. He was driving along and all of a sudden, down by his legs, he saw an eastern brown snake, which is one of the most venom-poisonous things in the world. It was slithering around his legs. So he pulled it, and then he started to strike his seat right near his cock, and then he was striking him. Anyway, he killed the snake with a knife and survived.

I didn't know it was biting at him. I thought he killed the snake with a knife and survived. I didn't know it was biting Adam. I thought he just saw it over in the other part. I didn't know it was snapping Adam. No, it was right around his legs. Holy fuck. It's amazing he didn't crash. I would have fucking forgot I was driving. I probably would have just bailed out the door.

Bailed out right onto the highway and just hoped for the best. Impressive. I was scared the shit out the in him i would have died actually but he got bit but didn't break the skin so he was okay so why didn't he why didn't he pull over instead of like speed up he's like what happened here's what i think i think he's full I think he probably killed the snake before that and had the snake and he got pulled over for speeding. I'm going to pull a Rickyism from Trailer Park Boys and I'm going to say the snake was attacking the cock.

Maybe not. But it's just he was that calm. I'm assuming he worked. It works. It's kind of fucked up. Ricky's looking right pixelated. What?

Ricky's looking right pixelated, man, on my screen. Is he? Yeah, man. Oh, yeah. What's going on? What's happening? Am I losing my face? Didn't you see that? I mean, the master controller there, man. Why didn Didn't you see that?

The master controller there, man. Why didn't you fucking see that? Julian, I'm sitting 40 feet away from the goddamn equipment right now. I'm running with this right here. Which is actually 10 feet because it's four times, I think. I can't see anything

right now. It's way over there. All I know is these buttons I have, and I just push them. Look, there's Ricky. See, he looks like a mess. He's all glitching out. Yeah, not good. He's glitching.

Doesn't make sense. Well, I guess it's done then. I think the internet out in the woods there is fucking up, Ricky, because Julian's fine. Well, Julian guess it's done then. I think the internet out in the woods there is fucking up, Ricky, because Julian's fine. Well, Julian's fine. Julian's fine. Yeah, but I'm in a house, man.

Hey, Rick, I don't know how you're dealing with mosquitoes, man. I went for a walk in the woods last night, had a few drinks and shit. They fucking, they're pretty bad these days, huh? They're not great, I have to say. I've got a nice screen over my truck I live in and diesel fuel and chainsaw bar oil mixed

together. Good bug repellent. That does not work, man. You don't put that on your skin, do you, Ricky? Seems to work. You don't rub that on your skin, do you, Ricky? Seems to work. Ricky, you don't rub that on your skin and your hair, do you? It works. So it's either that or you get the shit out of you.

That doesn't work, man. Because as soon as I finished my fucking little stroll, I came back and Googled the shit. You know how many mosquitoes it takes to drain an average human? Try to guess. To drain one? Yeah, drain the blood out of a human. How many mosquitoes would it take?

It'd be at least 10, maybe 15. Are you fucking kidding me? 10 or 15? It would be probably a million. More than a million? More than a million. Oh, really? More than a million. More than a million?

Okay, how many? To drain your body. Yeah, average body. I'm going to say 400. You got about, you got what, five or six liters of blood in you. One mosquito can probably, at the most, at the fucking most, take a milliliter of blood. So say 1,000 mosquitoes to take...

Oh, yeah, okay. So 1,000 mosquitoes might be able to take a liter. So 1,000... Oh, so probably only about, I'm going to say, 8,000 mosquitoes to be conservative. 8,000. Bubb, you were so fucking close a minute ago. You were almost

dead on, man. 1.2 million. Yeah, that's what I meant. You were fucking close, man. Oh, yeah, because a mosquito's not going to... One milliliter. No, a mosquito's not going to... It's going to be about 10 mosquitoes. Yeah, no. They're going to have a microliter is what I was thinking.

So, yeah, about a million, million two, million three. Yeah. See, that'd be a good movie, man. Some dude that fucking went out and collected 1.2 million mosquitoes and then put some dude in a box with him. That's a horror flick right there, man. I think that's been done. Pretty sure. You know what I read

today? I read somewhere it was how many packets of Kool-Aid it would take to turn all the ocean on the whole planet into cherry Kool-Aid. How many packets of Kool-Aid? Oh, man. Try to packets of... Holy fuck. Try to guess that.

A trillion. Not even close, Ricky. Not even close. No. It's a number that you probably don't even know how to say, Ricky. Because I think trillion is the biggest number you know, isn't it?

What about a Google? No, there's... Quartra. Quartra. I think it was... I think it was 50 quintillion packages of Kool-Aid. Is that a lot? How many? 50 quintillion, I think. Quintillion? Yeah. It goes trillion,

quadrillion, then quintillion, isn't it? Here, just wait. Where's zillion? Zillion? Zillion's not actually a... That's not actually a scientific word. Zillion. I don't believe.

I think that's just a generic, you know, means a lot number. Can you Google it? You know what I also heard? Yeah, I can Google it. Check this fucking thing out. You know Donnie, the way he fucking yells and acts like a fucking idiot all the time?

Yeah. If he was to yell for eight years, seven months, and six days straight, the sound energy that would fucking be produced could heat up one cup of coffee. Like, how the fuck does that happen? Bob's that's like two, that's way too fucking hurt on the head to think about.

Say that again. If Donnie was to yell for eight years, seven months and six days straight, he produced enough fucking energy from sound, sound energy to heat up a fucking cup of coffee. Like what the fuck? That's a lot. What the fuck is this shit like that?

I can't believe people... You guys know that back in the 60s, it wasn't until the 60s that dudes with long hair, they weren't allowed to enter Disneyland back in the early 60s. Yeah, because everybody thought they were dirty hippies.

They thought they were all dirty hippies. They thought they were all dirty hippies. Hey, listen to this. I've got the answer. Are you ready for this? Nope. To turn all the oceans into Kool-Aid, I was wrong. 732

quintillion packets of Kool-Aid and 91.5 quadrillion metric tons of sugar. Holy fuck! Jesus Christ. Then, what a waste. It's still going to be salty. Nobody's going to

actually do it, Ricky. It's just a fun fact. Nobody's actually trying to do it. It would still be terrible taste. They should do all the lakes. If they're going to do it, start with a big lake. Nobody's doing it, Ricky. That's my point.

It's just a fact, a scientific thing to figure out. Imagine the party you could have, though, if all the oceans were Kool-Aid and it tasted good. It wasn't salty. They should make a lake. Kool-Aid Lake it tasted good. It wasn't salty. They should make a lake. Kool-Aid Lake. It'd be in Florida. If you go up north, man, you'd have slushies.

That'd be fucking dope. That's the place they run up and do. Slushies. Throw some booze in there. Throw some booze in. Greenland, they've done some good fucking drinks, man. Fucking slushy, fucking booze slushy lake. Just take your boat out and just scoop over the side.

Down some of that lake. Get right out of her. That would be fun, man. It's an honor official, slushies. Fish would love slushies, man. They'd be eating that shit up like crazy. But you guys know how heavy fucking snow is, right? slushies, man. They'd be eating that shit up like crazy.

But you guys know how heavy fucking snow is, right? How much do you think a 122-foot snowman would weigh? Because one existed. Somebody built one. Well, is it... It depends on if it's fluffy snow or if it's that wet fucking

slushy type snow. It's 122 feet high. It's not going to be a fluffy fucking 122-foot fucking snowman. It's going to be packed. Yeah's not going to be a fluffy fucking 122 foot fucking snowman. It's going to be packed. Yeah, I'm just saying if it's wet snow. A little snowflakes just for you, Bugs. How much is he going to weigh? 122 feet?

It depends. That's a terrible question because how big around is the cocksucker? Is he like a fucking tube that's three inches or is he a fucking, you know, is his diameter of his like a fucking tube that's three inches or is he a fucking, you know, is his diameter of his body a fucking girth? How big is that? We need more force, man.

Alright, okay, in Maine. Okay, place in Maine, they built the fucking snowman. They constructed this thing. It was 122 feet fucking high, which is amazing. That's fucked up. Did they use lobster? Did they use lobster traps? What?

Lobster traps? Did they have lobster trap frames that were just covered in snow? What the brickies? It was just a fucking snowman, not a lobster trap fucking man. So he was snow. He was snow completely all the way through. There was no lobster trap frame?

Maybe they threw one in there. I don't fuck. I doubt it, man. Why the fuck would they do that? Well, to save on snow. Right. Why the fuck would they need to save on snow, Bob? Like, seriously. That's true. How much did the thing weigh?

The fucking thing weighed, the fucking snowman weighed 13 fucking million pounds. So almost as much as your mother. Holy fucking zinger. Nailed you. Oh, fuck, boys.

Oh, fuck, boys, you know what? What? I'm late. I gotta go to Oh, fuck. I'm late. I got to go to a fucking thing. I totally forgot. I'm meeting a guy. I'm going. I bought something on Kijiji, boys.

You wait till you see this fucking thing. I got to go meet the cocksucker right now. What is it? I'm not telling you. Not telling you. What is it? Bob, you just can't fucking not tell us. No, I don't want to ruin it.

I'll show you next week. I bought something on Kijiji. Holy fuck. I got to go buy someone's crossword scratch ticket. Because this woman in Ontario, she won twice in two weeks. 36 grand and 79 grand. Scratch crossword tickets in three weeks. That's a lot of money, boys.

Lucky Luciano. Susie, how would you pronounce S-O-S? Susie Sauce. Lucky Susie Sauce. I hope my face goes back to normal. You think it's from the diesel fuel and chain oil? No, it's just the digital. Put that shit on your face, man.

You know what? Next time I roll the dice, I'm going to go, all right, give me some Susie sauce. Put a little Susie sauce on her. Susie sauce, yeah. Susie sauce. All right, go get your Kijiji fucking thing and you're fucking telling me.

I want to see what this is. Yeah, I'll show you next week boys okay say bye alright bye cheers say bye everybody happy July 10th weekend love you guys stay safe and fuck off

watch this boys dee dee dee dee Watch this, boys. Tiddle, tiddle, tiddle. Teksting av Nicolai Winther Thank you for watching!