Trailer Park Boys Presents: Park After Dark - Episode 7 - You Wanna Get Into It, Baruchel?

Episode Date: September 18, 2015

This week's podcast guest is international superstar and hat thief, Jay Baruchel! Jay and the boys discuss toonies, Goon 2, and why lettuce is bad for your internet connection. Bubbles also reveals his Dickweed of the Week!Episode Seven is brought to you by Wahlburgers restaurant and bar

Let's just get this going. It's going. Let's go. I'm waiting for you. How would a puppet blow it? What? How would what? How would a puppet blow it? Ricky, what the fuck are you talking about?

Oh, what we were talking about before. That's all right. We weren't talking about puppets blowing things. Julian was talking about some puppet or the guy that worked the puppet blowing things. I don't fucking know what he meant. Oh, the Kermit the Frog thing. The person that gave fellatio to the puppet.

It was the guy. It wasn't the puppet. What the fuck are you guys talking about? I don't know. It's just something stupid you started talking about. Before you got here, me and Julie may or may not have smoked a joint. We may or may not have had a couple drinks. And we were talking about some weird stuff with puppets.

Anyway, I didn't know this thing started. I guess it started, did it? Yes, we're doing the fucking podcast here, boys. All right. What number is it? What podcast? No idea. Well, Snoop was number what five no idea yeah okay so this is podcast number six hi everybody bubs you freaked me out with the last one i was pretty fucking shocked you actually came through with a real guest snoop

yeah well i got a fucking better one today and i got this all rigged up. Seriously? With Skypey Wipey. Because, man, like, I didn't get really that high for this. I'm not that... This person that I have lined up here, they smoke a lot. I'm ready for this. Good. Julian, is it on the... Let me try to guess who it is.

You said they smoke a lot? Okay, okay, just a sec. Let him try to guess first. This person smokes a lot, okay? Woody Peckerson. Woody Peckerson? Woody Harrison, you mean? Yeah, I fucked that up with Woody Woodenpecker.

Woodenpecker, Ricky. It's not Woody Woodenpecker either. He doesn't have a woodenpecker. He's a bird, a woodpecker. And I guarantee you he doesn't smoke. Is it Woody then? No, it's not Woody, the bird, or the non-bird. Matthew

Conashay. O'Shaughnessy. O'Shaughnessy? Matthew O'Shaughnessy. The Irish gay man. Well, he smokes a lot. I've heard from people. Can we just dial him up? Let's just dial him up.

Okay. Who the fuck is it? Is it on the thing? I can't see. Yeah, just press it. It's ringing. It's ringing. Wish I knew who the fuck it was.

There he is. It's working. There he is. I know this fucking guy. Jay Barasho. Nice. Hey, how's it going, guys? It's fucking awesome.

How are you doing? No complaints. I got some fucking old batteries here that I just found. Decent. Nice. What are they, double A's? Can you make that fucking thing any bigger? Yeah, double A's.

I can barely fucking see them. Yeah, good old double A's, man. That's the staple battery. That battery is what most electronics use. All right. Are they dead or are they good? No, no, they're dead. They're just some old batteries that I saw in front of me.

How do you know they're full screen? Just a sec, guys. There's a way of testing those batteries right now. If there's a table in front of you, if you drop them from like six inches and they bounce, they're fucked. If they don't bounce, they're good. I'm not shitting you. Well, that was about fucking five feet, man. Here, how do you go full screen?

Shouldn't be that hard. You guys are really fucking stupid. There we go. Are they bouncing? Oh, look at that. Sunny veil hat. That's fucking awesome, man. Decent.

Not a bad hat, eh? Wish I had one of those. No, out of all the people that follow us around, you're actually one of the coolest. I didn't know what to think. I thought maybe you were going to be one of these big fucking fancy, richy, movie star kind of dicks, but you're actually a pretty nice fucking guy. Well, thanks for saying so. I mean, I like to think of myself as at least Richie, if not fancy and a dick.

But, you know, listen, it was one of the better summers I've ever had. Awesome. Nice. I just want to ask you one question. Now, that hat you're wearing, I'm not accusing you of anything, but those were only given to us. Mine went missing, and now you have one. I don't know much. What are you trying to imply there

uh bubbles i'm not applying anything i'm just wondering where you got it i'm asking you maybe you got your own maid looks exactly like mine trying to do the the colombo routine here with me and it's it's not going to work just because you both look retarded it's not going to work this is a really nice thing. He's fucking gonna get into it, is he? Don't know what to say about that one. Well, I'm gonna fucking tell you right out. I think you stole my fucking heart.

Alright, you wanna get into it, Barrett Show? You fucking wanna get into it? Yeah, well, listen to me. I'd like to see you try and do something about it. Here we go. Bubz, just settle the fuck down. It bubs nice enough to get on here now you're getting all crazy i'd love to see you you know bubbles i'd love to see you see four feet in front of you let alone find your way to me that's hilarious really what's going on here mr jokes

you know what it's because he made those hockey movies now he's like all cocky yeah he's mr jokes now he's turning into a dick now. Well, he's not. He was a cool guy. It was kind of funny. It's Johnny Jokes. Johnny Jokes. Ronnie's cousin.

Ronnie Jokes. That's right. Ronnie Jokes. Ronnie Jokes is dead, man. This is Johnny's world, okay? I want you to know something. This is Johnny Jokes' world. You're all just living in it. Okay. What the fuck is he talking about? I don't know, man. I is Johnny's world, okay? I want you to know something. This is Johnny Jokes' world. You're all just living in it.

Okay. What the fuck is he talking about? I don't know, man. I'm too hard for this. He smokes a lot of weed. He buys a lot of weed off me, which is awesome. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, just wait. Wait till Trudeau's elected. We don't talk about that stuff. No, no, I was talking about Johnny Jokes. Sorry.

Jesus, do you want to repeat business or not? Christ almighty, Ricky. Johnny Jokes buys Sorry. Jesus, do you want to repeat business or not? Christ almighty, Ricky. Johnny Jokes buys weed off him. That's right. Hey, stop. Johnny Jokes doesn't buy anything. Anything Johnny Jokes buys, he has a receipt for.

There is a defensible legal paper trail connecting him to the goods that he purchased. I believe him. And is that factual or is that jokes? I don't get it, Buffs. Johnny jokes. He could be telling jokes. You could be just joking around right now. You want the buddy hat?

Here, come. Come, Kate. Get it for me. In the meantime... I'll put on this hat. What's that one? It says, fuck white people. That's aggressive. Fuck white people?

That's a different kind of hat. That's a awesome hat. I'd like to have one of those. Weren't you going to ask him something about... Ricky had a bunch of questions and shit. I don't know if we... I did bring some stuff because I wanted to be prepared this time. I didn't know you really had a guest last time.

Now I know you're really going to have real guests. I wanted to fucking not look dumb. Last guest. I appreciate that. Oh, this is a question. Have you tried Wahlburgers yet? They're burgers. I know you're a big burger fan, like we are.

No, I haven't yet. I haven't yet. I don't often eat burgers that have a TV show affiliate connected to them. But I'm going to try it at some point. Should I? Should I try them? I guess, man. Try it out. I wish we had something right now, but we don't. At first I thought it was a dumb name. I thought it was just a burger that kind of was on a wall that made no sense to me.

But then I found out it was Marchie Mark and then it made more sense because it's, you know, after their name, they just added E-R-S. So it is kind of cool now. They're probably good. I mean, he's pretty rich. He probably makes a pretty good fucking burger, I'm guessing. I don't know. Ricky thought it was a burger that got served on the wall. That's what he thought it was.

Made by Marchgie Mark. In fact, who owns it? Yeah, who owns it, Ricky? Who owns it? Who was that? Margie Marsh. Margie Mark. In the funk bunch.

Margie Mark in the funky bunch? You're close. Yes, it is that, guys. Mark Wahlberg. Margie Mark. I know who the fuck it is. That's where they got the name. Wahlberg, Wahlburgers, you know?

He used to sing a lot of his songs just in his underwear. Not Marchy Mark. Marchy Mark was in the pipe band. He would go in the braids. That's Marchy Mark. Okay, well, maybe I fucked that up. Pubs, what the fuck are you talking about? Marchy Mark was in one of the biggest pipe bands in the world.

They marched all every parade. You can name a fucking parade. I don't fucking know, Pops. There was a time where Marchie Mark was the name in fife and drum music. Absolutely. See, he knows his history. Oh, I didn't know anything about that. He's right into history.

He knows his history. Well, I got them confused anyway, so. Yeah. All right. Well, that was good questions there rick or what yeah ricky come on well actually i didn't have anything ready and i was nervous so this guy preston gave me a few things he said he could talk about uh what does this mean i don't even know what this means preston five dollar bill trek fans oh yeah no yeah that's about all the

people in canada drawn oh, have you seen that? What? The Bank of Canada has asked people officially, has asked Trekkies to stop turning the $5 bill into Spock. William Laurier. They're fucking making him look just like Spock. Wilford Laurier, Ricky.

Not William Laurier. William Laurier runs the gas station. I've seen some of the bills. They actually look pretty much like Spock. Have you seen any of the Spock bills? Oh, of course. Of course, yeah.

I mean, it is illegal to sort of draw on money. But, then again, I like Star Trek. So, who's to say you know I really is Preston happy that's all that really matters well I guess the big fuck up is that the Bank of Canada

is asking people not to do it which is dumb because now everyone's going to do it I think so I'm definitely I didn't know I didn't know anything about it

now I'm going to try it because it sounds fun yeah well I tried to when Toonies came out I remember trying to push the inside uh out of it how'd that go that go we got it eventually nice you pushed the center out of a toonie with your finger i never said it was with my finger well we sort of there's a bunch of us

dirty old grade seven kids and we took uh took padlocks and combination locks off our lockers and just sort of hid at it for like 20 minutes. It was a group project, and then ultimately someone just wasted two bucks. Nice. Well, it was worth the two bucks, man. Worth the two bucks, man. Thank you. See, I've been telling people that's a solid anecdote for years,

and no one has ever given me one for it. Solid anecdote. I'm trying that as soon as we're done with this. One of my favorite anecdotes ever. Hey! Where are you at there? Where are you at?

No! No! What? What's going on? He can't hear us. Oh, fuck. Chat one, two, you got me? Yeah, I got you. What happened there? He was just fucking around.

Oh, I must have turned something down I shouldn't have touched. Don't be touching the buttons. Stop fucking around here. Well, I like twiddling buttons. Well, you're fucking something up. No, just leave it alone. Chat one, two. It's not me.

Look. Oh, he's lost. He's going to leave now. No, no. Don't take that out. He's taking, boy, he's going to take the bird out. Jesus. I'm not watching.

What the fuck is going on here? Bubs, what the fuck did you do? Everything was good. You started fucking around with buttons. Maybe it's a loose wire. Check one, two. Holy shit. We're going to lose sponsors. You know that.

I can hear them. This is terrible. Can you hear me? Yeah. Barely. Hello? Yeah, you're there. Can you hear me?

Oh, she's breaking up. It's what? The hard drive recorder's overheating? What do you mean it's overheating? The hard drive recorder's overheating, they tell me. We've got a major situation. What if I poured cold beer on it? No, no, you put my drink on top of it for like two minutes.

Okay. No, don't. What do you mean, no, don't? It's overheating. All right, bye, guys. Fuck's sake. Nice going, don't. What do you mean, no, don't? It's overheating. All right, bye, guys. Fuck, sex. We just... Are you kidding me here?

No, it shouldn't be that. This is so fucking lame, Chipper. Well, I just heard him. I just heard him, too. Get out the phone. Can anyone hear me? It's this. We can still hear him.

You can't hear me. Yeah, we can now. Oh, now you can hear me. I think your connection is shitting the bed. No, it's not me. This has nothing to do with me. I paid good money for this. This is top quality Rogers internet.

You could eat off this internet. Okay, well, maybe you did eat off the internet and you got some lattice plugged in the fucking holes there. There is. You know what I mean? You know my weakest link is, my weakest link, my weak spot is shredded lettuce. Shredded lettuce eaten off of a fucking modem. So you probably got lettuce down in the jacks. That's what happened.

Fucking bear shell got lettuce in the jacks. That's a good hat to get. I got lettuce in the jacks That's a good hat to get I got lettuce in my jacks I'm only one man Bubbles No man is an island Some islands are covered in shredded lettuce Yes they are It's better than using lettuce to jack I guess

Using lettuce to jack Is that all she wrote then Legs Well I don't know Yeah does anybody have any more questions for the man? Well, there's one here. I mean, it's... Oh, I know something that you'd be interested in

because he fucking knows his history. Did you hear about that fucking train car they found buried? Nazi gold. Yes, Nazi gold. What'd you think of that now? That's pretty crazy. I suspect there's more to be found. That's just the

first of many. What do you think's in there? Trinkets? I mean, you know, you could probably set your sights a bit higher than trinkets. There might be whole bars of just gold bubbles. I bet you there's a

lot of fucking weird stuff in there. Guns? Guns. There's probably guns and paintings. Food. Old foods. Like a bunch of books about math. Yes, they were very into math.

He doesn't know. Watches. Tons of watches and clocks. Rings. Yes, they were very into math. He doesn't know. Watches, tons of watches and clocks. Rings. All kinds of jewelry. He doesn't know what he's talking about. All right. Let's fuck with him. Let's fuck with him.

Okay. Well, I was just going to say, what's he up to lately? Hello? I tracked him. What's going on with you these days man what are you up to man these days hey just before you go tell us about what you're doing fucking you just finished making goon 2 didn't you i did thank you for asking uh we uh we we just finished making this crazy movie we're in the process of cutting it right now.

I'm working on it with the one Mr. Jason Eisner, who I believe all you lads are well acquainted with. He's awesome. Yeah, it's a crazy flick. It's louder. It's bigger.

It goes harder. Hopefully, it's a pretty exciting flick. Dougie fucked some guys up in this one. Nice. So there's some good blood, some good fighting, obviously. Some great fighting, and we think the hockey is pretty sick this time around. Nice. And are you in this one? You're in this one too, right? I am. I'm in only

a few scenes. Regardless as, you know, had I directed it or not, I would still have only been in a few scenes because when that first one came out, a lot of people said, well, I was very polarizing apparently. 50% of people

seemed to like the character I played named Pat, and about 50% of people called him the the character I played named Pat, and about 50% of people called him the Jar Jar Binks of Goon. So I had to take one on the chin and do what was best for the movie. Actually,

I wear this hat in the movie. You can't see me or something anyway. I wear a hat. The hat I'm wearing that says Fuck White People features in the movie. Oh, excellent. Well, despite what you've heard, I never heard anybody say they didn't like that character.

I fucking love that character. Yeah, I thought it was good. Everyone else can fuck off, like, big time. What about the Fly Your Dragon movies? We've been showing those to my grandson. How to Fly Your Dragon. Are you doing any more of those? We've been showing those to my grandson how to fly your dragon. Are you doing any more of those?

It's just Skype I think it's just I think it's always All lettuce jacks. I think all lettuce jacks is snacking again. This is going horribly wrong. Oh, baby. Oh, Jay Lettuce Jacks. There we go. We got him back. I bet he's real happy about that. That'd be a great fucking... If you ever start a rap band, that should be your rap name,

Jay Lettuce Jacks. Jay Lettuce Jacks. What were you saying, Ricky? If he's making any more of the How to Fly Your Dragon movies. My grandson's into them. We've been showing them to him, and he thinks they're pretty cool. Your who?

Your grandson? Yeah, Trinity's little fella. Mo. Motel. Motel. Yeah, I think. Yes, yeah, we're. I keep hearing.

Oh, my. There's a whole bunch of fucking TV shows she has. Yes, there's a lot of dragon stuff. There you go. That's pretty awesome. Right from the horse's cock. Hey, Bubbles, I feel terrible. I want to mail you your hat.

Okay, I'll be looking for it in the mail. Thanks for coming on and talking to us, sir. Yeah, man, that was awesome. Everybody go see fucking Goon 2 when it comes out next year. That's right. Sorry, Bubbles. You guys should come to the premiere.

Absolutely. Let's fucking do it. We're showing up in full hockey gear and beating the piss out of somebody. I want to hear. Awesome. See you later, bud. You got to get your shit together, Bubbles. This is fucking embarrassing.

Yeah, this is the most embarrassing. Here, I don't even know how to hang out. Fuck's sakes. You got to press the... Yeah. All right. That was pretty cool. That was...

Could have been a lot cooler. He thinks we're dicks, not fucking teleology. These fucking things are dumb. It was his fucking connection anyway, not our connection. Yeah, you're right. It was his connection. It had nothing to do with Jeff. I guarantee you I did it right. I know how to fucking work these things. Okay, so... Oh, my God.

What else are we supposed to talk about here? I don't know. Preston gave me these fucking things. Fucking Skypool in London. Well, just wait. I wanted to... What the fuck does that even mean? I wanted to ask you about Wahlburgers again, Ricky. What about them? You know who owns it, right?

Yes. No, but do you know who owns the ones in Canada? No. Oh, yeah, no, I do. We talked about that. Who? Was it... No, I'm asking you, because I don't know. I'm fucking right out of her.

I thought it was Weck. It is Weck. Okay. No, he's the guy who bought the El Macombo. And he's revamping it into an awesome club and he's bringing bands in there. He owns that. Okay. Which we'll probably give free booze if we do go there yeah but you said he owned

walbergers i thought he had something to do with it he's a part he is a partner he is with yeah with the walbergs he's okay well that's that makes sense why the fucking thing's up there well that's what last time we talked about i said i wanted one fucking sent to me and then after the we did it the preston guy said you'd have to call this guy and you could probably get one sent down to you. And then you said I'm not calling him because I'm too nervous to talk to him because I think he's attractive. I'm not talking about how the man looks anymore, okay? We've talked about it enough.

I know, but every time it gets brought up, you basically say you want to do things to him. Not true. Seems like a cool guy. We'll leave it at that. Okay, so what were you... What? This fucking sky pool in London. Do you know what that means? Sky pool? I can take a guess. How would you have a pool in a fucking sky?

I don't know what you're talking about. They built this fucking... This pool at the top of these two fucking buildings, right? They connect in the two buildings. So when you're fucking swimming in this fucking, this pool at the top of these two fucking buildings, right? They connect in the two buildings. So when you're fucking swimming in this pool, you look down, it's like, you know, fucking ten stories up or whatever the fuck. So they just made a pool out of big, thick, like, lucite glass or whatever. But how would you see through the concrete to see what's below anyway?

It's dumb. You can't tell how high it is. There's no concrete in this thing, man. It's all just like, you know, that... It's big, thick blue site, Ricky. Which is what? Big, thick-ass, like, plexiglass. The same shit they use at hockey rinks for the glass.

Except this thick, probably, or probably that thick. It's not going to hold up a fucking pool, boys. It's glass. It's happening, Ricky. It's not. It's plastic. It's a plastic polymer blend. Anyway. Where's this place at, plastic. It's a plastic polymer blend. Anyway.

Where's this place at, anyway? I guess it's in London. I don't know. Oh, it's fucking right here. Sky Pool London. We're going to be going to London. We're going to go to London. We're going to check out this fucking pool.

Maybe. We should try to get in the sky. Hold the fuck on here. So you're telling me it's a fucking pool, 10 floors up. Or whatever it is. You can see fucking the ground. Oh, that would freak me the fuck on here so you're telling me there's a fucking pool 10 floors up or whatever it is you can see fucking the ground oh that would freak so you could swim from one building to the other building okay i would not get in that fucking pool because i wouldn't trust the glass how many tests have been done it's probably the first one so they don't even know what could happen could

fucking crack after a week wrecky engineers they pre-figure things out you know and it's not going to build and say, holy fuck, hope this works. Dive in, everyone. That's not going to happen. It would freak me the fuck out, especially if I had a buzz on, which I usually do. No, not happening. What if you got jumped in there naked? Then people would look up

and see your wang. You would. That's not what I would do. If anybody's walking by, they're going to look up. If you happen to jump in naked. My answer would have been, well, I would have just took a quick glance and noticed he was naked and ran away. I would instantly look away. You said I'd look straight up and stare at your wang.

Say that, Bubbles. I missed it. I don't know if he said that or not. He might have. I didn't. I said I'd look up and then you talked about getting your wang out and jumping in so people can see you. Of course they're going to see if they look up. Ricky, what are you doing?

Oh, if we're going to keep this going, I may as well keep the drinking going, right? Yeah. Get it in, bud. All right, are we done? Uh, we're getting close to it, man. Well, we could talk about something that I was going to talk about a couple weeks ago, but I fucked up and the card got left under here. Did you guys hear about this Portland pooper?

No. No? There was a guy, I guess he was fucking pooping all over stuff around Seattle and Portland, somewhere in the U.S., and they can't catch him. He's like a serial pooper. He's a serial pooper? They call him the Portland Pooper. What do you mean?

They might have caught him by now, but, yeah, he was just roaming around fucking pooping on buildings. Like how many times have we talked? He's a serial pooper, so it's like at least five or six times. There's quite a few. There's posters up looking for him. They've got a picture of him looking behind him as he's pooping. Oh, yeah.

That's just a joke, man. That's just somebody fucking around. No, it's a real fucking story I saw in the paper, and the paper does not lie. They know it's the same guy that, like, taking samples, doing DNA testing on guys for poop? I think there's video of most of the poops. Oh, shit. Listen, I'll tell you right now, I don't like the word poop, and I don't want to hear it again. I don't even want to talk about it.

You're saying too much. It's just... They could have called him the Seattle Shitter. That would have been better. Way better. I would much rather talk about the Seattle Shitter than the Portland Pooper. I'd like to see... We've got to get a picture of the person that came up with this Seattle Pooper. Like, what does this person look like?

No, Portland Pooper. Portland Pooper. Is it a chick or is it a guy? It's a dude and he looks pretty fucked. Well, obviously he's fucked. What does he look like? He looks like a dick. You'll have to pull it up.

I don't know. He looks like a fucking wing-wing. Looks like a wing-wing. A wing-wing. Well, yeah. You need something? See? Look who's fucking prepared.

Look who's not again. Maybe he's listening to this thing. So if he is, Ricky, what would you like to do? If the Seattle shitter is listening to this, I think you should is, Ricky, what would you like to... The Seattle shitter is listening to this. I think you should turn yourself in, bud. You need some help. Yeah, that's pretty crazy. It's a weird one.

Shit fetish. It is a weird one. You think he's got a shit fetish, do you? I don't know. A shitting in public fetish. Maybe when he shits in public, it turns him on or something. I don't know. Maybe it doesn't, too.

Maybe he's just fucked. Lots of people are fucked. They don't go around shitting on fucking buildings. Okay. Well, we all have to vote that this guy is fucked in the head, and so is the guy that named it the Portland Pooper. They're both fucked in the head. We should start naming a fucking dickweed of the week.

Let's do it. On the show. And this week's dickweed of the week. Let's do it. On the show. And this week's deckweed of the week is... Seattle Shedder. And speaking of that... He could be the... I think I got a... He could be the mascot for the football team.

I gotta go take care of some business, boys. The Seattle Shedhawks. Okay. All this talk of the poop is making me have to go to the bathroom. All right, let's sign off. Ricky, why would you say that? Why wouldn't you just casually skip away? I don't know if it's the second beer or what, but it just came on with a vengeance.

Okay, then. So as you're sitting here talking, people know that you're... Let's just end it. I'm about ready to go to the bathroom and probably have some sort of weird explosion. Yes, that's what's going to happen here. Let's just fucking end this podcast, okay? I don't know if we should now. I mean, we've had too much shit talk.

You guys can sit here and talk about shit and my shit and whatever you want to do. I have to go. I have to go now. And I have to be careful as I'm going. It's a bad one. Okay. Fucking them all hunched over. We're not talking about shit fucking categories ever again.

It's disgusting. Oh, my God, look. I think he shit himself. All right, we're done. We're signing off. Rick, did you shit yourself? No. He did. He did. He shit himself.

I'm out of here. He shit himself. I'm out of here. I'm out of here. Ricky shit himself.