Trailer Park Boys Presents: Park After Dark - Episode 73 - Happy Borntday, Santa-Jesus-God!

Episode Date: December 23, 2016

It’s Christmas Eve-eve and the Boys are gettin’ on er! Bubbles mixes up some Liquor-Nogs, and Ricky displays some of his homemade orlaments. The Boys exchange gifts and also receive presents from a secret drunk Santa. PLUS: Heads up NASA, Ricky solved your problem! Episode 73 is brought to you by the Official Trailer Park Boys Store, and Neat 'King Bee' microphones!    

You rolling? Yep. Hey, what's going on everybody? Welcome to the podcast. Don't know where the boys are, but I couldn't wait to get started. I'm fucking so excited. Oh, there we are. Forgot to put down my Santa mask.

All right, we're drinking lecker nog today. I'm making lecker nog. Fucking great drink. You take your glass, you put her in some nog. Like that. Then you put her in the candy cane rimmer that I made. Oh, look at that. Big, just perfect rim job there.

Like that. You got the candy cane rim. And then you put the leckerman's tour. Like that. That's gonna be a tasty one and then my nog and some ice and you got yourself a lecker nog and i have been fucking cranking these things in me all fucking day holy fuck here let me get that out of the way. This is podcast number 70-something, and I am getting fucking right out of her. Hey, Bob's.

We got gaffs, eh, Rick? How's it going, buddy? I started without you. It's all right, man. I had to make a couple last-minute tweaks. What do you got there? Last Christmas of being broke, buddy. What do you got there? What I got here, my friend, is the Shitsucker 3000.

You built a Shitsucker for the space contest? We're gonna sell this to fuckin' NASA for fuckin' millions of billions. Ricky, you're knocking over all my decorations. I set this all up. Sorry, Santa Jesus, God. How does it work, Ricky? Well, you eat a bunch of chicken wings and drink beer all night.

And then you hook this thing on. Oh, fuck. Okay, this is like... Turn it off. Fuck. Ricky, what did you do Turn it off! Fuck. Ricky, what did you do? I don't know. It sucked a little too hard.

Ricky, you're going to suck your intestines out. I think it worked, though. You didn't just have poop, did you? Ricky. Oh, my God. Ricky, we're trying to... I want to have the podcast. All right, boys, let's get this going.

Is this fucking camera on? I got lots of shit to do. It's already going. All right, this is the official Trailer Park Boys podcast coming at you right now. We got to get this going. I already did this. It's already started. I'm underway.

I'm fucking right on the licker. Did you say what number it was? It's episode number 73. I believe I said that. All right, okay, boys. Here, I made you a lecker knob. I don't have time for that. I don't want that, man. Not yet. I believe I said that. Alright, okay boys, let's go. Here I made you a lecher nog. I don't have time for that, I don't want that man. Not yet, not yet. I got too much shit to do.

Rick, you want a lecher nog? Anybody need... Need the machine? Ricky, I'm pretty sure, I mean, I think it's great that you put in all that effort. What the fuck is that then? I'm pretty sure that's the belt of shitsucker. Look, it's got a hard and soft gauge. It's what?

It's got a hard and soft gauge. It's what? A hard and soft gauge? How do you know whether it's hard and whether it's soft? And then it's just easy cleanup. Just take this perch. Well, we won't do that right now, but... He just had a poop on camera. I'm telling you, boys. Millions of billions from NASA.

Fuck them. Ricky, you don't think they thought of that already? Strapping a shot back to your arse? Ugh. I can't. You actually turn that on and let one go. Like, what does one do? Ricky, do you want a fresh lecker nog?

A what? Lecker nog. Look at this. You take your glass. I came up with this. And you get it wet in the nog. Yep. Like that. And look at this. I got candy cane rim. Candy cane rim. Ground up candy canes. Right.

Put the rim on like that. Mm-hmm. Why go through the hassle of doing that? Because it's Christmas. Why go through the hassle of anything at Christmas? Because it's Christmas. That's why. All right, well, I've got another... I've got ten minutes here with you guys.

How long have you been on doing this? What the fuck do you mean you've got ten minutes? It's fucking Christmas Eve Eve. I've got a 75% off deal going on right now. This is my fucking last day, boys. Money, money, money. And Randy cannot sell shit. 75% off where?

At my fucking craft store. Julian. What? I don't want to be left with a bunch of Christmas shit I'm going to have to fucking store somewhere It's not just about making money It's about having lecker nog with your friends And what buys the lecker nog?

The money you've got to fucking make You don't need money I made almost all the shit in here From fucking nothing All this shit Like why would you Fresh lecker nog, Ricky How much money did you spend on all this shit?

Nothing. I borrowed a bit of shit and I made everything. I make stuff for cheap. Look at this fucking thing. Cost me nothing. That is awesome. That's what Christmas is all about right there. That's a waste of time. Okay, what are you gonna do with that? Do with what? Where are you gonna fucking store that shit? Just burn it? Uh...

Do you guys wanna exchange gifts now? Oh, see, here's something else I was gonna show you. Look at this. Free. What the fuck is that? It's a Christmas ornament. That's nice, Ricky. I made that on Get and Learn.

How did you do it? Just, you know, different things. And then what do you do with it? Hang that right on a fucking tree. Look at it. You know what that thing is? That thing's a fucking cat killer. That's what that thing is, Ricky. I hate to say it. Yeah, you gotta put it? Hang that right on a fucking tree. Look at it. You know what that thing is? That thing's a fucking cat killer. That's what that thing is, Ricky.

I hate to say it. Yeah, you got to put it up high, Ricky, so the kiddies don't get the tinsel. Your mother's a fucking penis killer. That's a real nice thing to say. She is, too. That was a mother joke. Holy fuck, that's good.

I know. What is it? Liquor nog. Liquor nog, 2000. What's in it? Liquor and nog. Candy nog, 2000. What's in it? Liquor and nog. Candy cane rimmer. Ice.

Stir and enjoy. A little rim job. All right, so what was so important we had to do this fucking podcast right now? Okay, well, first of all, speaking of fucking ornaments and declarations, I was told that we had to fucking announce there's a The swear architects are running a contest they want everyone to make their own ornaments reits declarations Whatever the fuck you want to make take a picture and send it into

Blog to blog. Oh, there's a bunch of hair in my knob. Blog.swearnet.com slash dot tpbxmas. They can just put it up on the screen. Yeah, maybe that's a little bit easier. You can win a whole bunch of shit, including a Bubbles Head set,

a flask, a travel mug, beanies, a free Swearin' It subscription, and a lot more. Contest runs till New Year's Day. Good job, Ricky. Nice going. You're getting better at the reading, too. Hey, Ricky, want to see something cool? Watch this. Jesus Christ!

Don't do that anymore. Put that away. I'm fucking baked right now. Freak the fuck out of me. Instant Santa. Have you met Freezy? No. I built Freezy for this Christmas.

He's fucking great. Look at him. What is he? He's like a Freezy snowman that fucking keeps your drinks cold. You built that? Yeah, man. You built that? Yeah, man. Want a beer?

Yes, I want a beer. Why is there a roll of toilet paper on the front of the cooler? He's multitasking. Oh, so you can take him outside, have your beers, do your poop. Mm-hmm. With your shit sucker. Yeah, why do you need that if you got the shit sucker 3000? Well, this is pre-Shitsucker 3000.

That's like the shit wiper 1000. You guys excited about Christmas? No. What do you think, Ricky? My bird's doing that. I'm not going to be excited until we sit down and we have the fucking Christmas breakfast. Fucking Julian, asshole. Until then, this is fucking hell.

I'm going to make money. See, look at this shit. Here. There. First Christmas gift to you. Cockhole. Until then, this is fucking hell. I gotta make money. See, look at this shit. Here. There. First Christmas gift to you. Cock candle. Free. Didn't need to fucking go out and steal shit and sell fucking shit to make my fucking gifts.

What would I do with that fucking thing? Here, Julian. I got an idea. Open your mouth. That's real funny. Seriously, what the fuck is this thing? That's a candle? Yeah.

How does it work? You light it. How does a candle work? It's a bit of a fire hazard, Ricky. I've got to be honest. It needs to be, like, wrecked. You put it on a candle bowl or a candle plate. Let's see.

A candle plate? A candle plate. You put it on a candle plate. You've got to get it erect before you can light it. Julian should be good at that. You know what, I don't want your little fucking candle, man. Harry, don't be throwing things around. Maybe I don't want your fucking gifts then.

Let's do the exchanging of gifts. Well, you don't want... Maybe I'm not even gonna give you your gift, which is awesome, by the way. So is your gift. Okay, I will begin the gift-giving season. Too bad you couldn't turn in the Santa Claus. Where are these? I don't know who these ones are from.

What is this? Is this the gift you got me? I don't know. Somebody dropped these off, but I don't know who they're from. This says Rick. Is that your writing? No. How drunk are you, man? No, I don't know who they're from. This says, Rick. Is that your writing? No, I... How drunk are you, man?

No, I don't know who wrote that. That's what I'm saying. You guys will call me. You guys will call me Rick. I was here and somebody... Is this me, Rick? Yeah. What is it?

What the fuck is this? String like men's underwear, like a thong? Jesus Christ. Nice fucking joke, guys. I didn't give you those. You should go put those on right now. Yeah, that'd be real nice. I didn't give you those. You should go put those on right now. Yeah, that'd be real nice. I didn't give you those, but I wish I would have. Fuck. Somebody gave you a mesh shirt? Jesus Christ. What's that? Are you kidding me? What is it?

It's like a fucking mesh shirt. You can see the wiener right through it. You've got to go put those on right now. I did not. I swear to fuck, I did not give you that. I did not give you that. What did you get, Ricky? I don't know, but it looks... It's in a fucking fancy box, boys.

Thank you. It's not from me, Ricky. I'm telling you. I don't know. These are from a secret Santa. Ugh. It's not from me, Ricky, I'm telling you, I don't know. These are from a secret Santa. What the fuck is that? What is it?

It's a candle. A candle holder, I guess. What is it? Pieces of binocular, maybe? What the fuck is that? It's an eyepiece Ricky. You've set the eyepiece in there maybe. Oh I get it. What is it? Thanks boys. I don't know what it is. I didn't give it to you. It's like a You know the things that make things bigger. It's a weird gift.

Oh, man, stop doing that! It's freaking me the fuck out! Alright. You look kind of like the Santa from Ruby and Max. Let's see. Oh, somebody gave me a teddy. Decent. Oh, it feels like he's got gears in him, too. Can turn him on. Hello?

Jesus Christ. Hello? Hello? Get the fuck, get the fuck, get that fucking thing away from me. I don't like it. Fuck you! Just wait, wait. Shh.

Fuck you, Ricky. Fuck you, Ricky. Fuck you, Ricky. Fuck you, Ricky. He's my new favorite thing. Lick my balls, Ricky. Lick my balls, Ricky. Get that fucking thing away from me. Get that fucking thing away from me. Get that fucking thing away from me.

Get that fucking thing away from me. TURN IT OFF! How's it going, Swayze? How's it going, Swayze? That's real funny. He's decent. He's decent. I'm gonna have fun with that. Fuck! Let's see what that says.

I don't know who these are from, boys, I swear. But whoever gave me that kitty knows that I like kitties, that's for sure. Decent! Man, you got some good gifts. Look at that. Picture of a kitty in a basket. Basket kitty. It's a shitty looking picture, man. What is it, a painting? And a little thing to hang on my tree. A little cuckoo clock.

Also with the kitty on it. This is decent. And another kitty. weird kitty ornament look at that weird kitty i'm gonna figure this thing out another couple joints oh here look i got your hat julian nice we'll put it on i'm gonna put in man stuff on. Man, you're a fucking Christmas heart. I got shit to do, man. I'm sorry. I got other things on my mind right now. Oh, look, a kiddie bulb on the outside of the package.

That's kind of cool, I guess. I can't believe I'm sitting here watching you. It says from Mr. Leahy. Open on this shit. This stuff's from Leahy. These are horrible gifts, man. It is from Leahy. These are horrible gifts, man. It's from, it's, it is from Leahy. Think about it.

That's why he gave you the mesh wiener underwear. Jesus Christ, fuck. What the fuck is this supposed to be? I don't know why he gave you that. That's why you got the underwear where you can see your wiener. He wants you to wear them. That's pretty fucked up. Well, that's not happening. No, put them on, Julian. Put them on. What are you doing, Ricky? I'm gonna get you guys

my gifts. Oh, you got us some stuff, too? Yep. You're gonna love this, Julian. Very thoughtful, and you know what it cost me, mister? I gotta make money to buy fucking fancy gifts and fight people for fucking gifts. How much did it cost you? It cost you nothing. Nope. Made that fucking candle. You can use that for a lot of different

things. It's a fucking scrubby, man. Just when you thought you couldn't fix your car or work around your car. Boom! Fuck the fleet. The fuck is it? Fuck a mechanic set. Are you fucking kidding me, man? Yep. Hold it up, Julian. With duct tape around it. The fuck is this?

Yeah. When would I ever use something like this? What the fuck would I need that? What is it? It's a little hammer, but these... That's for ball joints, I think, or something. You can't even get these screwdriver bits out of this fucking thing. They're rusted in, man.

I know. It's all good. So, nuts and bolts. Julian, you're not supposed to peck apart things and say, this is a shitty gap. Where did you find this? Did you just like find this walking down the street? If you look, if you went off a cliff into a fucking water and you're underwater in your car and you couldn't bust a glass, you pull out your mini hammer. Boom! Boom!

Well see, look. They don't even open or close. Like what the fuck is that? What is, that's useless. You could, no. A chisel? It's not. You just need a little oil I thought with your big muscle. They're working. They're fucking great Fuck is that and you know what it's the thought that's supposed to make this that's really fucking doing hot knobs There I got them working

Try bar These work Maybe this is the last time you're getting a fucking gift You're one grateful fucking bastard Thank you And buffs are these rusty old tools that I'll never use This also cost me nothing Hey Ricky, watch down here

Watch down here How are you doing that? Look at this fucking thing, buddy. It's been a long time working on... Jesus Christ! Is this for me? What the fuck is it? It's a fucking cat fucking resort.

Damn it! It's fucking... Took me a lot of time. That took you a lot of time? Ricky, you know what? That is awesome. It's a fucking box. It's not just a box. If you're a car, you'd be like, holy fuck, what's that fucking thing? And hey, I'm going to jump in here and, you know.

That's kind of dangerous, Ricky. Not if you're coming out. Very sharp edge. If they came out, though, saw this, they'd be like whoosh. But maybe I'll just grind that lip off because that's jagged. Look at the pulpy thing there. Not if you're coming out. Very sharp edge. If they came out though and saw this, they'd be like whoosh. But maybe I'll just grind that lip off because that's jagged. Look at the pulpy thing there. Little platforms.

That could hurt a cat. No, but you know, this is for sitting on and bouncing. Jesus Christ. Fuckin' glove. It is a little... It is a little bit dangerous now that I look at it, Ricky. And in here, it's just fucking, just screams sleep. It's like, fuck, I gotta go in there. As soon as you walk in, you're like, holy fuck, I'm out.

Were you in this? Did you get in this? I built a bigger version to test it. Yeah, that's awesome, Ricky. Thank you for the... Yeah, that's very sharp. Very sharp. See, that's how you fucking say thanks, bud. That's how you kill fucking some of his cats. No, I appreciate it, Ricky. I'm just... I'm gonna modify it.

No, I'm glad somebody fucking appreciates my fucking gifts. That spring there is very dangerous. That... I'm gonna have to modify a few of it, but... Thank you, Ricky. Thank you. I appreciate the... Love you, bubs. Love you, too. I appreciate the effort.

That is definitely dangerous, though. Where should we put this? Very dangerous. No, Ricky, I got gifts here to give you guys. Oh. I got you some stuff down there. I got...

It's Christmas. Of course I got you gifts. Here, Ricky. I was thinking, boys, that you guys, you know, you haven't changed up your style very much in a long time. So I thought maybe a style update was in order. Both you guys, so I got you those. Nice presents. What the fuck is this? Bubs, man. I think that's a nice shirt for you, Ricky. I got that at...

It's not something I would normally pick, but thanks, Bubs. I think that would look really good on you, Ricky. That's very fucking thoughtful of you. I can't wait to try it on. Hold it up. That would look fucking great on you, dick. I think that is a very nice shirt. Those might fit me.

If you guys don't want them. Well, you know. If you don't want it, you win. I'll take it. It's a nice shirt. Okay, here's the deal. This is what I'll take it. It's a nice shirt. Okay, here's the deal. This is what I got you guys. You guys got a ten... And you guys got a couple tens?

I don't have ten dollars to my name. For fuck's sake. Here, here. Twenty for you, twenty for you. What the fuck is this shit? Ricky, this is your size, bud. You can have that. It's part of your gift. And Bubs, you like to take it with the cards. There's some tools, buddy. Merry Christmas. Wow. So you're giving me 20 bucks in an effort. Set of shitty rusty tools. You're giving me a shirt that Bubs would wear and 20 fucking dollars. That's your thoughtfulness for this Christmas. It's 20 bucks. That's so thoughtful.

Your effort is like below zero. Why would I want these shitty old rusty tools? Why the fuck would I need to give them to me? You don't fucking get what Christmas is about still, man. It's not about any of that shit. It's about the thought where you go, I wonder what my friend Ricky would like for Christmas. And you put some thought into it.

It takes five fucking hours. Like Ricky sat there and went, what would Bubbles like? Oh, he would like something for his kitty, so I'm going to take the time to build him an ultra-dangerous thing for his cats. Fourteen fucking hours. Yeah, a cat killer. Well, it was the thought, though. A lot of effort put into that.

I'm going to fucking hurt your cats. It's also about fucking drinking, getting high with your friends and family, and eating good food. Well, fair enough. You guys got time on your hands where you can do that shit. Me, on the other hand, my Christmas doesn't start until Christmas morning. I don't even want your fucking money.

All right, here, give that back. Take it. Thank you. I'm keeping mine. Go for it. Keeping mine, and I'm going to the store, and I'm getting chips pop in the bar. Oh, if he's keeping it.

Merry Christmas. If he's keeping his, I guess I could keep mine. No, you gave it back, Matt. You fucked up, Rick. I'll split mine with you, Ricky. Me and you will go to the store and we'll get chips, pop, and a bar. Sounds good, bubs. For Christmas.

You can split these tools, too. A lot of these summons fucking got the Christmas spirit. Oh, you know what? I'll clean those up and oil them up. And those will be a nice set of tools. That's actually a good ratchet. I could use that. Thanks, bubs Perfect. I'm glad everybody's happy now

Those actually weren't the real gifts. Anyway, I was just teasing you but since you're being an asshole Maybe I shouldn't give you your real gift So this is my... More underwear? No. What's this, Julian? Oh, magazine. It's a year subscription. To Muscle Machines. Muscle Machines.

Nice. Nice. Year subscription. Wasting my money, I guess. One year subscription to Muscle Car Mag. Okay, Merry Christmas, Julian Love, that was nice. I bet that cost a fuck of a lot more than twenty shitty dollars. I saved up for three months to buy that fucking thing. I bring you everything you're wishing for and more.

Great, great job. Thanks. Just because I know that's what you use to masturbate with. I use this to... I... cuffs. You talk to those magazines. To a muscle mag. Muscle care magazine. Come on.

You do, Ricky. Oh, yeah? That's for you. That's my real gift to you. Thanks, buddy. Oh, it's like a wooden... A wooden case. No, Ricky.

It's nice. No, open the case, Ricky. It's nice. No, here, open the case, Ricky. Open it up. There's something in it. Oh, no way. Yeah, it's not just a case. You know what's... Is there a top and a bottom?

Um, here, Ricky. That should be the... It should open like that, right there. So now I just do what? You just open. She opens. Here, Ricky, look. I'm so nervous. What could be in here? Could be anything.

It could be anything. Could be gold. Just open the fucking thing up, man. It's not gold, Ricky. I don't have the money to buy you a case of gold. It's cash. I don't have the money. I can't give you... Holy fuck! Check that out. Look at this shit.

Because you've been getting into art and stuff, Ricky. Holy fuck. These paints? Yeah, paints. These are crayon-type things? Crayon, pencil, colored things, brushes. Markers. Everything you need to do art, Ricky.

Holy fuck. You know what? This is a good fucking idea. You could make these and they could sell them. It's got everything you fucking need in one fucking case, Bub. That's fucking brilliant. It's right there, buddy. No, Ricky, I...

They already do this. I bought this. Pre-made, just like this. See? Just when you have an idea, somebody else has the same fucking idea. Yeah, somebody came up with that one about 200 years ago. Because you could have been rich. I could have been, yeah, if I came up with that in the 1600s.

But there you go, Ricky. Bubbles, this could be the greatest gift anyone's ever given me. Oh, don't cry, Ricky. You know what, Julian? See, I went, I took my money and I went to the mall and I said, what could I get for my friend Ricky that he would love? I'm going to love you forever, box of earth it was very nice nice good going and you know this is very nice because something like that makes me think that

I should be working right now instead of doing this stupid fucking podcast so I can afford one of these babies what is it it's a 1970 Plymouth Roadrunner and that's the kind of shit that's what I'm talking about. Probably making your cock hard, is it? It's not making my cock hard. It's just a nice curve. You gonna go to the bathroom for a minute with the magazine? No. None of that's going on.

Like, that old fucking Trans Am. You kidding me? Check that baby out. Oh, I know. I looked through the magazine already. See, this is why you go out and work as hard as I do, so you can afford shit like that. Or you go out and work as hard as I do, so you can afford shit like that. Or you go out and work hard so you can buy your friends gifts like that. Yeah, I will.

I promise you, once I'm retired, you guys will have better Christmas gifts. I'll give you some more money or something, like a hundred bucks. Do you want me to put this back in Freezy? Yeah, put him back in Freezy. I'm enjoying my lecker nog too much. One coming in, Freezy! Here'm enjoying my lecker nog too much. One coming in, Freezy. Here you go, Ricky.

Thanks, bud. You're welcome, Freezy. Oh, my fuck. Lick my balls, Ricky. Lick my balls, Ricky. Lick my Christmas balls, Ricky. Lick my Christmas balls, Ricky. If there's one fucking gift that has to go away,

it's this fucking thing. I hate it. I hate it. Lick my balls, Ricky. Lick my balls, Ricky. Lick my Christmas balls, real good boy. Lick my Christmas balls, real good boy. Bubs, what are you doing?

It's like some delivering shit there, man. Tongue my Christmas ball. Keep it up. Keep it up. Tongue my Christmas ball. Keep it up. All right, Bobbs, I got to get going here soon. So was there another present or something that arrived that Dickie Nuts over there was

supposed to open? Yeah, Ricky, did you see the present down the front here? I saw Santa and Jesus go out. Did you see? No, look. There's a present there. Let's get this going. I've got shit to do, man. Seriously. What, the shit sucker? Holy fuck! You mean this fucking thing?

Yeah. Who's this from? Well, look who it's from. It came, it just appeared out of nowhere, Ricky. SJG. From SJG. Stevie Joe Gordon. Right on, Stevie!

No, it's not. I don't think it's Stevie Joe Gordon, Ricky. Think about it. SJG. SJG. And it just appeared magically out of nowhere. SJG.J.G. and it just appeared magically out of nowhere. S.J.G. Nope.

You can't get it? You can't think of who it might be? Santa Jesus God. Santa Jesus God. Santa Jesus God? He's early? It could be, don't you think? I mean, it magically appeared.

It could be. I don't think I know what magically appeared. Oh. It could be, don't you think? I mean, it magically appeared. Oh my God, I'm gonna fucking... I don't wanna fuck that thing, it's driving me nuts, bubs. You wanna fuck it? No, it's driving me nuts. How come it came so early? It's only Christmas Eve Eve. I don't know, Ricky. All I'm saying is it magically appeared and it's from SJG. It could be Stevie Joe Gordon, I guess.

I should open it with my eyes closed. See Nick, then it's twice the surprise. Because the rest of you knows what it is before your eyes do. Ricky, what are you talking about? You've never done that? You open it with your eyes closed? Then it's like opening the gift twice. What the fuck are you talking about?

Yeah, but Ricky, when you open it, you don't know what it is. So you're really only getting the surprise one. The rest of you knows what it is. Your ears and your hands. Ah, it feels like it's big. Feels, uh, oh, fuck. What the fuck is that? What the fuck is this?

Okay, I'm gonna open my eyes now. Holy mother of my fucking ass meat. Hold it up, Ricky. It's fireworks of fucking craziness. Right on, Santa or Stevie, whoever this was. Fucking awesome. You know what, or Stevie, whoever this was. Fucking awesome. You know what, boys? New Year's Eve

is gonna be a tangent. I'm burning someone's trailer down on New Year's Eve. Fuck it. Stolen. J-Rock stolen. Right on, boys. See, there's a fucking gift, Julian. Someone's definitely getting hurt this fucking New Year's Eve. There's a fucking gift Julian someone's definitely getting hurt as a fucking New Year's Eve my friend

You know what a gift is a 19 fucking 76 smoking the bandits vehicle car right there 22,000 bucks That's what I'd be buying Well, yeah, I gotta go fucking deal with some shit. Randy's in the house. I got one other thing for you for Christmas, bud. What? Wait.

Nice one, Ray. Julian, I do have another Christmas present for you. Are you gonna do the same? I know you're gonna do the same thing. How's it going? All right, I'll see you guys for Christmas breakfast tomorrow. Yeah, maybe not. Maybe not. Maybe you won't be invited.

Fuck off. Fucking idiot. I'm showing off. Maybe you're not. I say we don't fucking invite him to Christmas fucking brunch. Do you want a fresh lecker nog, Ricky? Man, I'm still working on this. These are fucking potent, eh?

But really, taste this. Tastely. Well, there's a half bottle of Leckermans in three of them. Is tastely a word? It should be. Tastely, yeah. It went down my throat very tastely. I think that's a word. Do you have any more of that hash, Ricky? Oh yeah.

Let's go get some. Okay. Oh, you know what? I was thinking... You're fucking freaking freezy. I didn't even want to look at you. Oh fuck, boss. What? I need gas money.

Take that 20 bucks I gave you. I think I can get it back. I'll give it back to you tomorrow. You're taking back my present? I'm going to give it back to you tomorrow. I promise. You are unbelievable, Julie. Right after breakfast. Unbelievable.

Unbelievable. I'm just gonna get chips off in the barn for Christmas lunch. I'll try to pick you up something if I remember. All right, thanks, man. So he came in, gave us both presents, and then ended up with them back. So he gave us nothing for Christmas. And that was his plan the whole fucking time. I guarantee... You know what?

He's not coming to Christmas breakfast. Fucking right, son. I agree with you. That's it. We'll invite Randy. What do they call it when you give a gift and then they give the gift? Re-gifting. Bullshit. Asshole. That's what he did.

He re-gifted your tools and he re-gifted my shirt to you. Well, he won't be re-gifting anything else because he's never going to get another fucking gift from me. You know what? He's not coming to breakfast. Randy is. Let's go get Randy right now. Let's not fucking get carried away here. No, let's do it. Let's go get some hash, Ricky. All right, let's do it. Okay, everybody, Merry Christmas.

Don't forget about the declaration, contest, or wreath, or, uh, or-orlements. Or it could be decorations, ornaments, and wreaths. Maybe. Yeah. You can build those, too. Then you gotta send the pictures to Blah- You read that, everybody.

We'll put it on the screen, right there. Merry Christmas, everybody. Let's go bang some fireworks!