Trailer Park Boys Presents: Park After Dark - Episode 76 - Can't Fix a Car with a Chainsaw

Episode Date: January 12, 2017

Bubbles is back from his cowboy getaway! We hear about some GREASY business between his kitties and the barnyard animals, and the Boys discuss the size of cat cocks. Ricky announces his New Year’s Resolution, and tries out his new virtual reality system. Plus: Julian’s got a new non-dirty money-making idea for 2017! Episode 76 is brought to you by the Official Trailer Park Boys Store, and Neat 'King Bee' microphones!      

Why would you give them that? It's a fucking thing. Because they said it was easy to fucking use. How the fuck does... Do you got the power on? I mean, it's cool. You can see all the buttons and the screen really close. That's kind of cool, but...

See all the buttons? What are you talking about? Like, I thought, you know, when you looked at it, this changed your reality. So this reality should change, right? What buttons are you... You shouldn't be seeing any buttons. At all. What do you mean?

What do you got the tape on there for, man? That thing's brand new. Holy fuck, is it ever bright when you take those off. It does make it like night, which is neat, I guess, but I don't know why you'd want that. Oh, you're supposed to be able to play a game and shit on it, man. It just says you put your fucking phone in there, and all of a sudden you're in a different world.

You can't put a fucking flip phone in a VR helmet It says put your fucking phone in it I know, but it can't be It's gotta be a smartphone, man, not a flip phone This is a dumb phone, as I've been saying Now I have a dumb phone, do I? No, it's not, it's an old phone That's old school, man, you need the smartphone

I thought when you gave it to him it came with a phone I didn't know he was jamming a fucking flip phone I didn't know, man So, Ricky, for three hours you've been staring at the buttons in the screen of a flip phone. Well, I'm looking around. I was in my own world. I couldn't see you guys, so it was kind of... You were just fucking high.

It was kind of cool, I guess. It wasn't working at all. But when you said earlier that you could see giraffes and things... Yeah. Where were you seeing those? Well, I closed my eyes. Because then you're thinking of a brand new world. That's what it changes.

And then I was there, and it was neat. You should create your own virtual reality helmet, where you just put it on and close your eyes and imagine things. Do you want to get this started? Yes. All right, what the fuck's going on? This is the official Trailer Park Boys podcast. It's coming at you right now.

This is episode number... 77. Way to fuck that up. 76. Fuck off, Chipper. I was just testing you, Rick. Dummy. 76.

Welcome back, Bubbles. Welcome back, Bubbs. You're still dressed up, man. Did you, uh... How was your little fucking getaway that I never got as a gift? Gene, I just want to say thank you. No problem, buddy. That's what friends do. That was one of the greatest weekends I ever had. See, that's what best friends do, actually.

Cowboy getaway weekend. And I had some fucking fun, believe me. Yeah? So what happened well I buzz first off did you could have changed before you got on the podcast well I wanted to show you but to show it but we also smell you man is that you stinky farm for a few days it's not me I washed my clothes you're saying that's Ricky it's not fucking me I show yesterday. There is a weird smell in here. Okay, we get it. No, you smell like hay and cow shit.

I don't. Smell me. All right, no. You smell like something else. No, it's you, man. You smell like hay and cow shit. I do not. You do.

I washed all my clothes. Could be my hat, actually. Could be... Oh, yeah, it's the hat. Don't lose the hat. I dropped the hat right Don't lose the hat. I dropped the hat right in the pen there. You can't really wash that, but I'll leave it on.

So I guess we could call you a shithead. Hey man, that's a good one. There you go. You laugh at that. You get it? It works. Guess that means I can call you Deck Lips. Oh, his lips smell like deck.

You didn't need to get into that, man. How do you know? What? Guys. Your lips smell like decks. Why would they smell like decks? Oh, I know why they would. Why?

Because your mouth's been wrapped around one. That's real funny. It's real funny. You know I was just setting you up there, because I know you knew you were going to say that. I don't believe that's true. Well, Ricky, you've got to get rid of these chips, man. It's the new year. We're going to eat some good food, man, not this shit food.

Boys, I had the best fucking time. I brought about 15 kitties with me. And I just had a wacky time. We did all kinds of cowboy stuff. Rode around on a thing, like a chalk wagon. How many cars did you have? Fifteen. And you brought them all back? Everybody safe?

Oh, yeah, everybody safe. I mean, the kiddies had a great time. So were you on the wagon or off the wagon? You get it? Did you get drunk at least? Why is he laughing his own jokes so much?

You laugh at your own fucking jokes. I know, but my jokes are funnier. His aren't. What do you find is hilarious? I was off the wagon

while I was on the wagon, Ricky. So you didn't drink the entire time? I was off the wagon when I was on the wagon. Okay, so you were off the wagon. Just riding the wagon drinking Ricky. So you didn't drink the entire time? I was off the wagon when I was on the wagon. Okay, so you were off the wagon. Just riding the wagon, drinking liquor.

When you guys see little spots on my pants, it's from wiping these little pastels on there. It's not something else you might think it was, all dried up. So don't make fun of me. What stuff? These little spots. It's not what you might think it is. It's these.

Tucker tracks. When I'm doing my... That's what he's talking about. My feathering, or my whatever you call it. My finger gets dirty and I wipe it on my pants because I have nowhere else to... It takes the pastels off really well. Rick, it's called shading. Shading, whatever. Darkening.

Feathering is something else. You feather the clutch of a car or a motorcycle or something, right? That's feathering. Feather the lady, right. Can I see what you're working on, Ricky? Are you enjoying your art kit that I gave you? It is fucking awesome. I'm going to tell you, I could have stepped up a little notch.

Let me see that. That's not... Did you draw that? I'm still finishing that, but... Holy fuck, Ricky, you're getting a lot better. A little bit. That's not bad. Hammy enjoys cocksicle.

Cocksicle. It's a cock-shaped popsicle. You get it? Ricky, why would you write that nice... It's a nice picture of a... What is it, a hamster? A gerbil? Oh, man, I fucked up.

I called him Hammy. What should he be called? He's a gerbil. A gerbil. He should have been Gerb. All Gerb enjoys a cock sickle. But my point is, you did a great drawing there. Like, that's actually quite good.

Why would you add a cock sicksicle to it and ruin it? It was just too... It was too... I don't know, it was too gentle, too PG. It was too PG, so you had to add a cock-sicle? If you would have just did that and not wrote this and added a cock to it, I'd put that on my wall.

Well, maybe I could... I'll turn the cock into... What would you like the popsicle to be? Turn it into a microphone and say he's a rapping hamster. So because there's a cock on it, you would not put that on your wall? For fuck's sakes. I think you're full of

shit. I think you'd still put it on your wall. I'm not putting that on my wall. A hamster. I was going to put it on Motel's wall because he's not going to know what a cocksicle is anyway. Look at that little motel. Put it on his wall. Ricky, you can't put it on Motel's wall because he's not gonna know what a coxicle is anyway. Oh. Look at that little motel. Put it on his wall. Ricky, you can't put that on Motel's wall.

He's not gonna know what the fuck a coxicle is and it might help him learn. It might get into his brain subconsciously. Might help him get his letters learned. All of a sudden he's starting to suck on things. That's what you're saying? All of a sudden he's, you know. Which isn't a, if that's what he wants to do, that's fine. But you know, he's young. You guys are fucked.

Just make it a microphone, Ricky, and make him a rapping, a rapping Gerber. I gotta put a sun in there to make it hot. That's what's why, it's the motivation for the cocksicle. It's hot. All right, that makes more sense. Didn't turn out very well. It's just, yeah, it's fucked actually.

Well, I'm impressed with your art skills, Ricky. Well, do you know what? It's not me, it's just yeah it's fucked actually i'm impressed with your art skills ricky well you know what it's not me it's this thing when you put proper fucking tools in your hand it's like a mechanic you can't fix a car with a fucking chainsaw just like you can't get drawn without the proper getting drawn tools right that's did you steal that buffs no i saved up that's a lot that's how much that cost that was not cheap I saved up. That's a lot. How much did that cost? That was not cheap. I saved up my money. Either it was the dolphin light that I got him.

So I got him the virtual reality shit and the dolphin thing. Where did you... Randy has one of those. Not anymore. You stole that from Randy? Well, I kind of... Are you out of your mind? What?

It's a nice light. I thought it would calm Ricky down. Look at this. Randy owned that. Where do you think... Do you think that might have been in some weird places? Did you ever think of that? I hope you were wearing rubber gloves. I... I...

He didn't buzz. What are you talking about? You don't think when Randy and Leahy are on the liquor and they see an electric blue dolphin that gives you little jolts. Look. You can feel that. Where do you think that might have been? Fuck, no, I've touched it. You know what?

I didn't even think about that when I took the fucking thing, okay? I just thought it would be a good thing. I would never take a cylindrical object out of Randy's room. Well, there's only one way to prove it. You gotta take a sniff of it. No, I'm not, no. Ricky, take a smell. Ricky, Ricky!

Definitely smells like it wasn't kept too far from the kitchen. I could detect a little bit of French fry grease. Yeah, but there's something weird on it. Yeah, there's an unexplained smell, like a body. Boys, this has gone to a whole sunken level. All right, so what should we talk about? Well, I want that.

Maybe that should go away at this point. Want me to smash it? Now that we know. No, don't smash it. I mean, you can still admire it from a distance. What the fuck is that doing here? My diary. Why is my diary out here?

What? Bob, I mean, don't fucking worry about it. It's not like we're going to go through your personal shit. I mean, if we did, we'd probably be pissed off at you anyway. Ricky, why would you say that? Why? Yeah, why'd you say that, Ricky? Say what?

If I went through it, you'd probably be pissed off at me. Why'd you say that? Because clearly you went through it. I didn't find it in the wallet. No. No. I didn't go through your diary. No way. Not by myself.

What'd you think of the picture of the cocks in there I drew? Ask Julian about the diary. I don't know. I said that we shouldn't go through it because it was your personal stuff. Oh, bullshit. Anyway. He went through it because it was your personal stuff. Oh, bullshit. Anyway... He went through it. He was telling me... I guess I piss you off a lot. You know, a lot all the time.

So you went through it. That's what Julian was telling me. You went through it. Nope. Okay, I'm making a new entry right now. New entry. Dear Diary... Ricky is a dick.

Dear Diary... Nope. Julian and Ricky... Don't put my name onto his name. Dear diary. Ricky is a dick. Dear diary. No. Julian and Ricky. Don't put my name on his name. Julian and Ricky cannot be trusted. Is that right? So you think I looked through your fucking diary?

I guarantee you did. Why would I give a fuck about your diary? Well, clearly you do. Okay, you want? I'm going to do something. Give me the pen. No. Just let me use the pen.

I'm going to make up my own little diary. Pen. Here, I'll make a diary. No, no, no. Dear Diary. Dear Diary. Bubbles. Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm. What are you writing about? Nothing. It's my diary. Can you see it? Nope. Can't look at it, man. These knots are about me? Nothing. It's my diary. Can I see it? Nope. Can't look at it, man. These knots are good, bubs.

It's private. Well, I heard you say my name, so it's not private. It's now officially my business. What did you write? Can you hold this for a second? No, you're not going to fucking see what's in my diary. What is it? It's my wrist purse.

Thanks. What the fuck is that? Right there is fucking cool is what that is. That's what the cool fucking people are wearing these days. What is it? It's a wrist purse. A wrist purse? A wrist purse.

Keep whatever you want in there. I just put some peanuts in there for later because you don't get fucking food and shit all over your good pockets. It's a fucking great idea whoever invented it. So you're seriously going to walk around with a wrist purse full of nuts? It's fucking black leather. whoever invented it. So you're seriously gonna walk around with a wrist purse full of nuts? It's fucking black leather, look how tough that looks. You look like a dick. People be in a restaurant going,

holy fuck, do not look directly in that guy's eyes. You look like you're in Sha Na Na. That's what you look like. Is that good? Sha Na Na. Do you remember Sha Na Na? I remember Sha Na Na. Doo doo doo doo doo. Remember Bowser? Sha Na Na. Do you remember Sha Na Na? I remember Sha Na Na.

Remember Bowser? You look like you were in fucking Twinkle the Cowboy. He was a little twinkle in his eye, looking at things he shouldn't have been looking at. I wasn't looking at anything I shouldn't have been looking at. Some of my kitties were. What are you talking about? Believe me. How many kitties did you take with you? Fifteen.

Fifteen kitties you took? You know my big gray one, Glen Hengly? You know him? Glen Hanson? Glen Hengly, my big gray kitty. Okay. He had a crush on a cow. A cow?

There was a cow that was licking him, and I could tell Glen Hengly was like, . Bit of a mitch match. What do you mean you looked up at him and went, hmm? What the fuck is, what do you, what's the matter? The kitty was getting licked by the cow. So what was the kitty thinking? What does the- I don't know,

but he had a big crush on the cow. It's a bit of a size mitch match, though. No, kitties can- This Glenn, Glenn would be a guy, I guess, would he? Yes, he is, and it was a female cow that was licking him. How come you're good for either one of them? He had a crush on her. Too big for him to really get any action going,

and too small for her. I don't know, Orange Thunder. You should have saw Orange Thunder. He, I'm pretty sure, he banged a sheep. Still, a sheep, they're way bigger than a fucking cat. Same thing. No, it was a baby cow that was licking him, like a small cat. But still, a baby cow is like fucking that big, man.

A cat getting on top of a cow would do nothing for the cow. You should see the side of the sheep. What is he crawling inside? Orrin Stunder fired the heat to a very large sheep. How big is the cat cock? Depends. I mean, they don't call him Orrin Stunder for no reason. So he's got a big unit on him.

As far as kitty parts go, he's doing all right. Do you know the size of every single one of your cats' unit? No, I don't, but Orange Thunder is an exception. Because normally you don't even notice them, but Orange Thunder walks in the room and you're like, oh, my God. Bubbs. Ricky. You just had some horse dust on you. in the room and you're like, oh my god. Bubbs. Becky.

You just had some horse dust on you. So Bubbs, did you watch Orange Thunder banging this sheep or what did he fucking come up with? I saw him from about a hundred yards away and I was like, what's he doing on his back? And then I started walking towards it and I realized, you know, the sheep was trying to get

away but Orange Thunder just had his claws in him. Did you try to break them up? Oh, I got him off know, the sheep was trying to get away, but Orange Thunder just had his claws in them. Did you try to break them up? Oh, I got them off there, believe me. I got them off there. Yeah, you don't want to... Yeah, if they did the job and knocked up the fucking animal, what happens then? Is that possible? You got yourself a sheep kitty.

A sheep kitty? Yeah, I've seen them. Kitties with big wool. You got yourself a sheep kitty. A sheep kitty? Yeah. I've seen them. Kitties with big wool that you got to shear them down. So this might actually happen? No. Well, it was in it. It could happen. Orange thunder has been fixed.

Right. Have you been doing any good New Year's things, man? Like any of your resolutions? I've stuck to all my resolutions. Oh yeah? What were they? I forget. I forget what mine were too. But I have been doing some stuff. What have you been doing, Erky?

Not eating after midnight. That's normal. I'm not smoking dope every day. Since when? Well, I'm gonna start. But I had this good fucking dream about how healthy I was getting because instead of smoking dope every day, like on a Monday, I'd smoke all the dope I would normally smoke on a Monday into Tuesday, let's say, but then take Tuesday off.

So then your body's just totally fucking healed. Yeah, but it was a dream. You haven't actually done that. No, but it's going to work. But, Ricky, a New Year's resolution, you're supposed to start it at New Year's, and then that's the point. Just get her going.

You've got to fucking ease into it. You can't just say, boom. Nobody able to fucking do that. You're not going to be able to do it anyway, man. There's no fucking way. You want to try it? It's not going to work. I heard if you eat late at night, it's not good.

How many days since you were seven have you not been stoned? Like, seriously. Brittany. A lot of horse dust on you there, buddy. Brittany. Yeah. You're not wiping horse dust off me. You're wiping your chip fingers on me and your peanut fingers. Well, it was helping us both out then, I guess.

Kind of like that fish and the whale. What fish and the whale? The fish that eats part of the shit off the whale skin or something. They help each other out. How is that, like, the same as you wiping your greasy fingers on my shirt? We're friends, bud. There we go, so moving on. You can stop brushing your teeth, boys, by the way. Why? Because they have a new treatment out now that repairs your teeth.

It's a drug you take and fucking teeth fixed. What the fuck are you talking about? It fixes your fucking cavities and shit. So eat whatever the fuck you want. Don't worry about brushing your teeth. I mean, you should once in a while, or else your breath would be stank. Ricky, is that the only, like... I enjoy brushing my teeth.

Do you enjoy getting fucking drills put in your cocksucker mouth when you're baked and the noises go right through you and fuck you up, make you feel grade two? Or would you rather take a drug? How did you fail grade two? I fucking had this ringing in my head for two months after I went to the dentist and had six cavities filled. It fucked me up, so I'm never brushing my teeth again. I'm going to take drugs because I like drugs. This is great news.

Ricky's going to stop brushing his teeth now. I'll use breath mints. Maybe mouthwash once a week. Your teeth will follow, man. You can't. Take a drug. Boom. Brand new teeth.

But Ricky, if you've got shit all over your teeth, like germs and stuff all over them. I think you just eat an apple. Food stuck in them. Eat an apple, it's like nature's toothbrush, they say. Who says that? I don't know, I might have fucked that up. Nature's toothbrush.

Okay, so you take the drug. Okay, what if your teeth have fucked that up. Interesting. Okay, so, all right, but this whole, you take the drug, okay, what if your teeth are fucked, right? They grow back. They grow back. That's what I'm telling you, man. This new drug, your teeth fucking regenerate, just like things that can do that. Like a shark.

A shark can regenerate? Ricky, I think you might have that fucked up. An earthworm can regenerate, I know that. So what if your teeth weren't fucked, you take a drug, then all of a sudden your teeth, new ones grow up, and your teeth start falling out? They'd fucking fix themselves. Look it up on your magic boxes.

I'm telling you. It's a new drug, it may not work, they're saying, but it might. There's probably some side effects. Ricky, I'm sure it doesn't recommend that you stop brushing your teeth. Well that was, I added that part. No, no, no. Do not fucking bring that cock sucking fucking thing out. I swear I'll walk off it here.

Hello? Eat my ass, Ricky. Ricky? Ricky? You ever take a fucking snake in the head there, bud? Don't fuck over my computer, man. I'm gonna drink you. Ricky's a dead man.

You guys are gonna make me nuts. Ricky's on close nuts. Excuse me. Turn it off. Does anybody have anything to talk about? Because I'll fucking kill somebody at this table. All right, there's something that I would... If I had the money, I would get this for you, bubs. It's called a Kissinger.

It's this little smartphone fucking accessory. You stick it on your phone, right? It's got this little oval pad. And you can kiss with some chick on your phone. And they'll feel it on the other phone. What? Yeah. And I know you're not...

Electronic lips. Yeah, and I know that it might be a good thing for you because you haven't really kissed, well... Oh, I've kissed. A couple of women. Hundreds of women. Is it just for your mouth? Well, yeah, you can kiss it, and the other person's moving,

and all of a sudden you're making out. And it's for people that don't get women that well. So it's a little pair of electronic lips that you smooch on your phone. Yeah, kind of like that. It kind of moves like it. It's like a real kind of... Yeah, no thanks. I have no interest in that.

Well, I'm just saying it's like it'd be a good practice for you because... I don't need practice. I've kissed hundreds of women over the years. Hundreds? Maybe thousands. I'd say less than five. Actually, I'd say less than two. Well, you'd be wrong. I saw you kiss one girl. That was a long time ago.

Well, I don't do it in public. I do it behind closed doors like a regular person. And you sneak out at night and not tell anybody you're leaving to meet these people? Often times I do. Best friends? Often times I do, yeah. But yeah, what you were saying, Ricky, now that I think about it, it could be used for something else. I think there'd be a lot more of a market for it.

For what? Well, if it... You didn't have to use it just on your mouth. Or if it came with other attachments or other parts of the body. Ricky, what are you talking... You mean a sockinger? Oh, yeah, or a lickinger for... Your significant other, or... It's like cyber shit, man.

Cyber sex. That would make us a lot of money. You guys are fucked. Could you build something like that? Well, if I had one of those, I could modify it. I'd just put a slit in it. All right, let's see if we can get one ordered up here, bud. Don't order the Kissinger.

No, I think we can do this, man. You need the guts of this thing. You just gotta modify it. So that everything's spitting out from your smart box, that's what you got, a fucking Kissinger. Holy Jesus. A Suckinger is what the name's gonna be. Suckinger.

Suckinger. No, thank you. All right, well, I'll be the one then. You know, that's what they're doing with the VR, though. I'm very into the VR though. I'm very into the VR now. And they're doing that with the pornography where you put the helmet on and uh-oh, what's going on down there? They had a VR thing at the fucking, at the cowboy ranch?

No, but they got it at the mall. Where I stopped on my way home. Did it work better than this fucking piece of shit, I hope? Well, Ricky, you can't put the phone you have in a VR helmet. It's never going to work. Well, then they don't make one that would work with this type? No, Ricky. Look at this. How in the fuck?

It doesn't even have a screen. Well, there's a screen there. Your number's come up on it. I know. The number's come up on it, Ricky, but a smartphone. This can't play video. Can you play a fucking video on that thing? Probably could.

You knew what to do. If you can play a video on that phone, I'll put that thing in my mouth. Oh, man. I wish I knew how to use this thing. You can pull up a video on YouTube on that phone, I'll put that thing right in your mouth. Okay, well how long does the bet last? We're not going to waste time with it right now. Hey, how about a game? Guaranteed. How about a video game? Pass it over the phone. This could be Pong or something on this fucking game.

Look at it! It's got a screen with numbers. There's no fucking way you can play Pong on that thing. Well, if there is a game on this and we put it in there, you're putting Blue Dolphin right in your mouth, buddy. Okay, you know how confident I am with my technology fucking knowledge? If you can pull Pong up on that phone, I'll put that somewhere, anywhere you say it'll go. Oh, man, you better be careful with that. The mouth is fine. You didn't have to get it to put it up your ass. I, man, you don't... You better be careful. The mouth is fine.

You didn't have to get it to point it up your ass. I'm just showing you how confident I am. The two fins. The two fins is going up your ass. The two fins are going to be... Oh, shit. I just want to prove to you, that's how confident I am, that you cannot... If I thought there was any chance in hell

you could pull Pong up on that phone, I would never make that offer. So that should tell you something. Just a sec. No, I'm going to get this man. You can't have Pong up on that phone, I would never make that offer. So that should tell you something. Just a sec, no, I'm gonna get this man. You can't have Pong on a flip phone. It's like a different kind of game. It goes this way, like it just... No. Bullshit.

What's the biggest thing you've had in your body? Bullshit. Now, what is the biggest thing you've ever had in your body? I've never had anything. And you're willing to take that thing easily up your ass. When you were a kid, you didn't try anything weird? No, I didn't try anything weird. No, me either.

It sounds like you have, Ricky. What about the time you got a crab apple stuck up your ass? That wasn't me, it was Randy. Well, it was you and Randy. It was you and Randy. Mine wasn't stuck. All right.

There. There. There's a game. Oh, look who's putting the blue dolphin in his ass. What game? Press the button. It makes noises. See? That's not.

It's just. Look, I hit nine and a fucking nine comes up on the screen. That's not a game. You just shot at something. No, I didn't. Look. Five, five, five. One, four, two. Look. That's not a game. You just shot at something. No, I didn't. Look, five, five, five. One, four, two.

Look, it's just putting up numbers. That's not a fucking game. It's a game, man. You're not tricking me to put a dolphin in my eyes. It's a numbers game. You were going to put it in yours? I said I'd put it anywhere

if you could pull up a game, and you can't, so it's a moot point. It's not going anywhere, and it never was. Never will. You offered it up, though, man. Tired of saying something.

Learned a little bit more about you today, buddy. Horse dust, Ricky. Very sneaky. Sneaky snake. All right, here's something cool. We got to fucking get these things, man. They've got these gloves now. This guy invented it, some guy from Chile.

A hammer and saw-proof work glove. They look like normal gloves. You can fucking whack the shit out of your hand. Bullshit. Right there, man. And not break your bones. Right there, bud. Put those motherfuckers on.

That's what it says, man. Product of the year. Check it out. Yeah, wear it. There's no way. We got them in Chile. We're going to bring them to Canada, and we're gonna start selling these. So you can put on a glove and smash your fucking hand with a hammer.

They got a guy with a fucking circular saw here, man, like a grinder. He's just... That's a hoax. That's a hoax. Oh man, it's for real. Look it up on Snopes. Anyway, hopefully I can get these gloves because I will sell them on Swinternet.com or where the fuck... What's the site where you sell the shit? Merch? Oh my god, you guys are fucking this up bad.

Don't know. Oh, no, way to go, man. Oh, look at that. Julian's watching David Hasselhoff videos. I'm watching the video on the clutch and the tickweed. From the 80s. And yes, the video's showing people fucking almost sawing their hands off, but not. I don't believe there's a glove you can smash your fucking hand with a hammer and not break your body.

Look, buddy's doing it right there. He's not doing that. On his fingertips. Boom. Just on his tips, not his hand. Prober, look at the block, man. I'm telling you. On his fingertips.

You said his hand It's just it's like steel toe boots, but they're steel tip gloves big deal Would you still buy those if you were fucking so I can't even better. Can you bend your fingers? Yes, you can bend your fingers. This guy's opening up a fucking padlock with one on Big deal. It's just I used to do the same thing with my gloves and home I used to shove thimbles in them put my hand in and then I'd have a thimble on each finger and if I whacked my finger it wouldn't matter I invented that fuck 20 years ago well why don't we take this guy to court then I'm telling you there's some money in that maybe we should because I still got my old

thimble gloves laying around somewhere. Are they at least fire-retarded? No, but you were. Well, it doesn't get it, man. Ricky. You think for that kind of a glove, you're going to make it? These are my Christmas nuts, by the way. They're fucking delicious, man. What flavor are they? I've never had this before.

Salted caramel. Holy deliciousness. Unbelievable. before. Salted caramel. Holy delicious. Unbelievable. Delicious. Salted caramel. Who would have thought? What is a caramel? Hmm?

What's a caramel? A caramel, you know. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's why they taste so good. I like those things. Caramels? Yeah. What did you think they were called? Ricky, you hate caramels. Do I? Yeah. What did you think they were called?

Ricky, you hate caramels. Do I? Yes. What are the things I like? Peanut butter cups. Oh, yeah, those are good. Caramels, you hate caramels because they close your throat over. Remember the time I had to fucking...

You better drink lots of liquor then. You don't remember the time you tried to eat 40 caramels and they got lodged in your throat and I had to get the plumbing thing and snake them out of your throat? Oh, it was that big blocky robintosh or appletosh. What's the fucking toffee? Toffee? Macintosh toffee bar. That fucking thing. I think you're right, actually. Don't eat one of those all at once.

Holy fuck. I think you're right, actually. It wasn't caramel. It was a toffee bar. He folded the fucking toffee bar. He heated it up. He heated it up in the microwave. No, he heated it with a torch in the center.

Remember? And you folded it over and tried to eat the whole thing. I heard. I could have fucking been in trouble there. You were in trouble. You were unconscious. Oh. And turning blue, and I pulled it out with a plumbing tool.

I remember being to the point where, fuck, I might be in trouble here. And then, yeah, I don't remember much after that. Yeah, because you blacked out. All right. All right, what about this for an idea, boys? We got to sell shirts like this. They're stain and odor resistant cotton shirts.

You can pour a fucking glass of wine on someone and it'll just be right off, but it's like a cotton shirt. The odor doesn't penetrate the fucking fabric, so it'll never stink. You could put this

motherfucking shirt on Randy. No stink, no sweat marks, no nothing. And he'd probably be able to wear shirts again. We should sell these on the fucking merch. Oh, look at that. Stink resistant shirts. A stink resistant shirt. They should make underwear out of the same fabric.

Oh, your underwear's there? See, that's the fucking idea right there. That's the gold winning idea. Stank resistant underwear would be... Use the same material, so all we got to do is order

a bunch of these fucking things, turn a bunch of them into underwear. And stuff doesn't penetrate, so you would never have a skid mark.

Never have a skid mark, you just wipe it right off. Where would it go, though? It just doesn't penetrate. It just stays

smeared all over your ass, I guess. Good point, Ricky. Maybe that wouldn't be the greatest invention. Although, I guess, if you had to choose, I guess that would be

better than... This could be the money-making idea for 2017 right there. If you piss your pants, that would be better. Yeah, what happens if you piss yourself?

It doesn't. It'll run right down your leg. It'll just, like, go right down the fucking ground. Onto your pants. Onto your pants. Yeah, what happens if you piss yourself? It doesn't. It'll just, like, go right down the fucking ground. Onto your pants. Onto your legs and shit. So you'll have a big dry spot here. But, boys, you're fucking missing the whole fucking money-making idea here, okay?

Unless the pants are made of the same material. Then it'll go right into your fucking shoes. This isn't about pissing or shit. Make everything out of the material, and then the piss just goes right out. Guys, I'm not talking about pissing or shitting yourself. I'm talking you can have, like, clothing for people that stink. But that's what I mean. Why don't we make all the clothes out of that one material,

and then you could just pest yourself at will, and it would just weck away onto the ground. Have a food fight? Wouldn't matter. Oh, you know what? We can try. We can shoot maybe a video with you pissing and shitting yourself in a full thing of this kind of fucking fabric. It'd be good for paintball. It'd be perfect for paintball.

I'm sure it'd be terrible for paintball. No, it didn't. It'd be good for, like, you know, ambulance drivers and shit, paramedics, they get covered in blood. Gone. Don't have to change out of my uniform. Boxers. Boxers. Same thing.

They don't wear a lot of clothes, I guess, but... Well, they wear underwear, man, or something. Hockey jerseys. You'd know. What? You'd know what boxers wear. What the fuck is wrong with you, man? Hanging out in the dressing rooms, watching them change.

Who's doing that? You are. I've never done that before in my life. You used to hang out at the boxers, man. Oh, I did, man. Come on. Oh! Anyway, I'm just trying to make us some money for 2017.

I think we're in a good start with this. We're going to check it out. I'm going to start when I'm going to start the not smoking dope days. Yeah. You know what? You should just get off. I don't know. See, the thing is, it's a...

You stop smoking dope, then you smoke twice as much. Like cigarettes and cigars and shit. Yeah. Maybe you should think about that. Where do you want to go? I reckon the last time you stopped smoking dope, you ate a cigar. Exactly. Then you freak out.

You turn into a dick. Ate a cigar and you threw up for fuck's sake. Well boys, I've gotta give the body a break, you know, so many times a week. What's the body break? Try only drinking like really hard till you lose your memory for one or two nights a week. Not every night of the fucking week.

No, no, I'm gonna do that too. I'm still gonna drink every day, but not to the point of fucking memory loss. But smoking dope, I'm going to do that, too. I'm still going to drink every day, but not to the point of fucking memory loss. But smoking dope, I'm going to try to cut it back to, like, all the ones, all the days that end in a... Rick, you know what? I can't believe I'm saying this right now, but I'd much rather see you smoking dope every day than drinking every day.

All right? Think about it. All right. Ricky, who are you kidding? You're not gonna fucking cut back on anything. I'm not gonna do anything. I'm gonna not eat after midnight. I'm telling you that right now.

Bullshit. You'll be fucking cooking hot dogs and... Yeah, we'll see when I'm fucking in peak condition and you're just in fair condition. All right, All right. Fair enough, man. Go for it. And my girlfriend that I've been seeing a little bit,

she told me that I should be drinking a little bit of apple cider and vinegar. What for? I don't know. She said it'd make me healthy. Apple cider and vinegar. My girlfriend's been telling me to eat pineapple. Why is that, Bubbs? I don't know. I know where he's going with this. I have no idea. Seriously, what? Yes, you do. Why is that, Bubz? I don't know.

I know where he's going with this. I have no idea. Seriously, what? Yes, you do. Why is that funny? I don't have any idea. You know what they say. I think she's wanting to go to Hawaii.

She's looking to take a trip to Hawaii. If by taking a trip to Hawaii, she means hoofing on your bird. Everybody knows the whole pineapple juice trick, Bubz. I don't know what it is. You seriously don't fucking know what they say about pineapple juice? No, what do they say? Bubz.

She wants you to drink more pineapple juice? Well, buddy, let's put it this way. If you're gonna eat some yogurt for breakfast, would you rather eat plain yogurt or pineapple yogurt? We all know how shitty plain yogurt tastes. Pineapple yogurt, 100%. But what's that got to do with anything? Just saying.

Bubz, she wants some pineapple yogurt, buddy. That's what... Yeah, just throwing that out there. I'll get her some pineapple yogurt then. Well, it's at the grocery store. You might not want to get it there, bud... You can mix some up all on your own. Yeah.

Homemade yogurt? Yeah. Yeah. You guys are fucking teasing me. I don't even know what you're teasing me about. Anyway... I gotta get moving here. I'm done, boys.

All right, I'm gonna look into this fucking fabric. Make some shit. Make some money. Yeah, do some research with men and their underwear. That's straight up hero. What the fuck are you up to? I'm gonna go read some books so I'm ready for the games next week, if you play any. Thanks for watching, everybody.

Tune in, as they say. Cheers, motherfuckers. Tell them where to go to get the merch. Merchandise. Merchandise. where to go to get the merch. Merchandise. Merchandise. Go to swearnet.com. Hit the fucking merch button.

I don't know exactly where it's at. Just merch. Buy something. We don't give a fuck. No, we do give a fuck. We give them a little bit of money. I don't give a fuck. Hey, Julian. What?

Dick say what? Fuck off. Dick say what? They sure do. Ricky, dick say what? They sure do. Ricky, Dick say what? They sure do. You just said it about five times. Dick say what?

Again. Ricky, Dick say what? I don't understand you. Dick say what? What'd you say? All right, you got him.