Trailer Park Boys Presents: Park After Dark - Episode 81 - The Sunnyvale Hat Trick

Episode Date: February 20, 2017

The Boys talk about how they spent Valentine’s Day, Julian discusses more money-making ideas, and Bubbles shows Ricky a thing or two about the piano. PLUS: Ricky takes us under the sea and gets us learnt on marine life!    

Yeah, this is gonna be a real exciting fucking podcast today, boys. I am lecker. I'm right on the lecker today, Julian. Well, I should have just stayed on the lecker, because fuck knows what fuck nuts are you over there? What are you doing, Ricky? Hmm? What are you doing? I'm checking out the level of fire-provenness of the microphone. Ricky, don't light the microphones on fire, please.

She doesn't even, yeah, she gets hot. Yeah, so you probably melted all the internal gizmos. Fuck! There's solder in there, right? Things are soldered together, you heat it up, all of a sudden it turns to liquid and you've got no microphone. Well, the outside's... Not much of flame will do to that.

You just have to heat it up and melt the solder inside. All the fucking wires and shit. Okay, boy, we're rolling here. All right, what's going on, fuckers? This is the official Triller Prep. Perk. Boys. Pod. boy. We're rolling here. All right. What's going on, fuckers? This is the official Triller Prep Park Boys podcast. Number 80.

Fuck. No, it's not. It's coming at you right now. It's number 80, 81. Correct. It is February. Ah, shit. February.

February 17th. Three days after Valentine's Day. How was it? Oh, you better believe I had a good one. Did you? Yeah. What'd you do?

I was at the Legion. Okay, what happened? Dancing with Mary. Man, not Mary again, man. I was dancing with Mary. Mary's, you gotta watch out for Mary. Oh, I watched out for her. Well, I know I was up pretty late, and when I was going to bed, I took a piss off the balcony, and your fucking shed light was still on.

And that was about 3-2-45-what the fuck?! I'm not taking that call right now. Who's calling you? Ah, just somebody that just- Your Valentine date? No, somebody that's looking for some fucking money. Johnny? That's a some fucking money. Johnny? I said Johnny.

Who's Johnny? It wasn't Johnny. You're fucking lying. Who was it? It was just somebody that I owed money to. And I'm trying to fucking figure out how to make some cash, and it's not working. What'd you do on Valentine's Day, Ricky?

I got a hat trick. I forget whose name it's after. It's not like a Gordie Howe hat trick. Who were you playing hockey with? I was playing hockey. What kind of a hat trick did you get? I got in a fight, I got in a car accident, and I got banged. So...

So that's called a hat trick. Yeah. A fight, an accident, and getting banged in one day. It was a good day. Why is it a good day if you got in a fight and you got in a car accident? Well, I won the fight. And the banging was pretty good.

That's always nice. Who were you banging? Not telling. I'm not telling. I'm not telling either what I did either. She was quite a little number. Really? Yep.

Wow, where'd you meet her at? And this dumbass backed into me, so I told him I was going to fucking shoot him, unless he gave me $500. So he did. And then I went to... So the fight and the accident were unrelated? Oh, completely unrelated.

Yeah, no. Okay, so... The fight was at a restaurant. I didn't like the way this guy was eyeing up this girl I was with. Decided to bring it to his attention. How'd you bring it to his attention? I sucker punched him. Which was a good, because, you know, get the first hit in.

That's what my dad always told me. Yeah, Ray was a bit of a sucker punch artist. He suckered a lot of people. And, Julian, what'd you do? I know you were with, Randy was at your place for a bit. I wasn't with Randy. I was at the fucking Aristocrat all afternoon. Strip club?

Yeah. They had some ladies from Montreal down, so it was pretty good. Valentine's. That's great. Valentine's Day. Oh, yeah, you know. Strippers. What's wrong with strippers? Nothing, but on Valentine's Day you're supposed to be... With someone like Mary?

Romantic. Were you romantic? What? Just a sec. Yeah. Is that the shirt you wear? Or? No, it's not the shirt I wore. Because she does smell a little fishy. And it's not because she likes fish.

I've been asking around. You don't know anything about Mary. Bob, so you don't want to get with Mary. Hmm? And if you did, you should probably go get checked out, bud. Who are you talking about? Mary. Which Mary?

Mary Mary. The Mary at the Union. No, not that Mary. Not Dirty Mary. Big Mary and Contrary? Who are you talking about? The other Mary. The older Mary. The older one?

Bob, she's 57. Yeah. Nice, though. She older one? Yeah. She's 57. Yeah. Nice though, she's a beautiful lady. So what's a- Not dirty Mary. I thought you were with dirty Mary. But Mary, Mary, 57 Mary.

Yeah. Fuck, man. She drives a 57 Chevy too. Does she do 57 different things to you? She's a lovely lady, let me tell ya. So you banged Mary? I'm not, I don't guess and tell. Well, everybody at the Legion probably would know that you banged her because she fucking tells everybody. I got a surprise for you bubs. What the fuck is that Ricky? Well you were saying I should get a keyboard? Holy fuck!

Yeah. I don't really know how it works. Where did you get that? And you got an amp? Yeah, got it at the pawn shop. What? Decent. You can make different sounds with this thing, I think it is. It's not very loud.

I'll just turn that thing up, I guess. Yeah, she's not real loud, I guess. I thought I had her louder one time. Is there a volume knob? Don't know. There's got to be a volume knob, boys. Here, just wait. I don't... Maybe the chord's fucked, is it?

There it goes. Look at that! It's got a fucking arpeggiator on to her. Yeah, man. Where'd you get that, Ricky? Uh, I got it at the pawn shop. Whole package deal. Bit of money and I traded a couple things in the back of your shed.

What did you trade from my shed? Some old fucking, I think it was like an old welder or something. Didn't look like you'd used for a while. And you got this? Well, you said you were going to get me a keyboard, so you got me a keyboard. Look at that, it's got all kinds of different sounds. It's got patches into it. It's got one of those bendy wheels.

Oh, I didn't know about that. Oh, I love those. You know what? These fucking things are... They're a lot fucking harder to play than I thought they would be. A fucking chicken. What I found out was, I'm like, how in the fuck is this guy smarter than me? So I went and I was watching it and I figured out how they did it. The fucking keys were lighting up.

It was just beaking the fucking light up like a cat chasing a laser. Oh, so the chicken wasn't actually, didn't know the notes. No. That's what you're saying. No. So the piano is harder to play than you. It's a lot harder. Like, you don't just fucking.

Wow. You don't just hit notes and it's a song. Do you have any? Did you learn any songs, Ricky? I was trying to learn a couple, but. I was trying to learn a couple, but... Uh... Uh... Uh...

Uh... Uh... Uh... Uh... Uh... Uh... Uh... Uh...

Uh... Uh... Uh... Uh... Uh... Uh... Uh... Uh...

Uh... Uh... Uh... Uh... Uh... Uh... Uh... And give me an R. O. C. K. What you got? Rock.

That's pretty much how that song goes. This is decent, Ricky. Look at all the sounds. Guys, this is a podcast. Okay, just wait, Tony. Okay, I just wanted to show Buzz. We can play with it after, I guess, Buzz. Just wait, let me do one thing.

Okay. How the fuck do you know how to work this so good? Because I'm into this stuff, Ricky. Watch this, it's got an arpeggiator on it. Which means? It's a thing, an arpeggio is when you play each note of a chord by itself and this thing does it automatically. Just wait. It's got it. Watch. It's got a little recorder. So if I go right now. Watch this. Oh shit. Okay, hang on, watch this, Ricky.

Jesus, you got loud. Okay, ready? Yes. Okay, watch this. Here we go. I'm watching. Good, it's gonna blow your mind, Ricky. Watch this everyone. Okay, ready?

Yeah. Watch this now. Watch that, Ricky. Okay, ready? Watch this now. What's that, Ricky? It sounds like Pink Floyd a little bit. That's right, listen. Oh my fuck. Watch this. You turn that, just turn that slow and we're playing Pink Floyd. Turn it more.

We're fucking playing Pink Floyd. Turn it more. We're fucking playing Pink Floyd, boys! Okay, turn it like... come on to her a little bit. Watch. This is pretty trippy, Julian. That's fucking dark side of the moon right there. How decent is that, Ricky? That's pretty cool. We should do some ecstasy.

Oh, we should do some mushrooms. Well, that can just be the soundtrack playing in the background of the podcast. playing in the background of the podcast. Pretty fucking good, man. That's arpeggiator right there. All right. I'm going to fuck with that later, believe me. I am going to be fucking with that for a while.

That was pretty cool, boys. I was talking. I was talking. I was talking. Remember I always used to have to do it with my mouth? Now I got that thing. I'm gonna get baked and just play with the thing. I'm gonna get baked and just play with the thing. Well, just so you know, it's not fucking as easy to play with

as you might want to thought it was. I'm the one that told you it's not easy, Ricky. I mean, there's a whole science behind playing any instrument. I'm the one that told you it's not easy, Ricky. I mean it's there's a whole science behind playing any instrument. I wish they could just make it in a way that you would just press any key and it would be a song. Well they have those too. They have pianos you just put a desk in them the thing plays and the keys go by themselves. That's cheating. Why would you want to do that? You want to learn how to play. I just mean if you're having a party, you know, if you want to fake it and pretend you're, you know, you put it in the thing and then you just do this.

The other problem is I've been telling a lot of people that I know how to play piano now, which I don't. Because I thought I would be like the chicken. So the chicken's smarter than you, do you think? No, I wouldn't say that. Like, I think if it did light up like that fucking bastard, I could probably do it. You'd be able to do that? Yeah.

Julian, I mean... I got a bunch of other shit at the pawn shop from myself. He plays the instruments, too. I don't play any instruments, man. You play the skin flute. That's how you play it, is it? You're fucked. This is how you tone it right here. Looks like you're pretty good at that, man.

I'm watching you, yeah. Yeah. Skin flute player. Probably done that before. All right, seriously, though, boys, I've been looking around. I was at the aristocrat. Fucking Valentine's Day, and I came up with a perfect business, and, I mean, they're actually doing it.

Okay, what is it? Okay, this is it. This woman, she's in Russia. She offers a bedwarming service for single men. So I was talking to these ladies. A bedwarming service? Yeah, you just go in. It's not greasy. these ladies. A bed warming service. Yeah. You just go in.

It's not greasy. Is that code for anything? No. No. They go in. You know, a person wants to go to sleep, but they want to get warmed up and have a good night's sleep. This chick comes in and kind of cuddles up in pajamas for an hour, and then she's gone. Then you go have a nice sleep.

And you think that's what she does in Russia? That's what she does, man. And you want to start doing this yourself? Yeah, I want to start doing this. You want to start warming up single men's beds? No, I want single men's beds. I'm talking to the ladies, not the aristocrat. They're on board for it.

They will do it. It's like 80 bucks an hour. Well, of course they'll do it, but I don't think... And you think that's all that goes on. That's just a front, Julian, for prostitution. Clearly. Yeah, yeah, I'm just going to come and coddle you. It's $80, then she gets in there, give me another $100, and I'll give you a tug.

Well, no, that's the thing, okay? I'm only involved in this first part, okay? If they want to stay afterwards, after the hour, then they start their own business. Their business. People are going to start making fun of you, though. Calling you the bed-warming pimp. Hey, look at that bed-warming pimp. Hey, look at that.

Coddler. I would take that handle if I was making a lot of money. Hey, Coddler. What's going on, Coddler? I don't want the Coddler. The Coddler. That's going to be the bed-warming pimp. And then what if one of the ladies calls in sick?

Are you going to go over and hop in the fella's bed? Yeah. Give him a little cuddle? That's exactly what I would do, Bubbs. No, I'm not going to do that. Who's going to answer all the calls from the fucking dudes pissed off going, but if I wanted to be cuddled here, I would have fucking invited your mother over. Like, there's supposed to be more going on here than just a bed warm-up service. Are you going to provide entertainment to her?

Are you going to play the skin flute for her? No, it's a... Enough of that. No, this is a good business. I think this would actually make some money. That's a terrible business. Well, there's a line. Hey, if you were having a hard time sleeping, okay,

and I know you don't do that well with the ladies, or you haven't for a while, a long time. Except for Big Mary. And you're a little bit lonely, you want to, you know, a little cuddle. If you're feeling a little down, you want to cuddle before you go to sleep. Yeah, but you know. Would you pay 80 bucks? For a cuddle?

Yeah. If I was rich. If it was happy ending. You get cuddling there and then things start moving around. Yeah, then your time's up and then you, you know, you don't waste any money. You start feeding the geese or whatever you want to do. Yeah, but that's not really getting you to sleep, is it? That's just prolonging your awakeness.

Oh, man. I can't remember the last time I was laying in my car, laying in bed, thinking, fuck. I wish there was some cuddling bedwoman service I could call up right now and get a little cuddle. Cuddle and not do any banging. Some people are fucking weird, though. They just want to cuddle, man.

I'm telling you. There's a lot of fucking weird people out there. They will pay to have that done. Well, you open that business and we'll see how it goes. Okay, there's part two to this business. Okay, good. I get it. This is the greasy part.

Because this English company is doing this. They're looking for women willing to clean houses in the nude. So, these chicks from Montreal, they're totally down with it. But what I was thinking, they can just walk around as if they're pretending to clean because they don't really want to fucking clean. But then you get Corey and you get Jacob in there

cleaning the fucking house. Tell me that wouldn't work. Are they naked too? Do you want them naked? If the person wants them to fucking be naked. And what are the naked women doing then

if they're not cleaning? Does it get greasy? They can do whatever they want. They're just, you know, walking around. Too many people have had this idea for centuries. It's called prostitution. Yeah.

I'm not talking about banging for money. Same thing. It's like fucking, you go to a fancy restaurant, they bring out a big lobster and put it on your table, but you're not allowed to eat it. You're just allowed to look at it. Cuddle with it. I'm telling you, people will fucking pay for this service.

Well, let's see. I hope you're very successful there. You're gonna get a van with a logo on the side of it? Call it the Coddle Machine? No, man, it might be like Scooby Doo. Yeah, real funny. That's funny. All right, fuck you, Zen.

No, I think it's great, Julian. I think you should start it. All right, I you, then. No, I think it's great. I think you should start it. All right, I'm going to start it. You should offer extras, at least. You're not going to make any money. Well, we'll get a little rub and tug thing going on the side, maybe. But, you know, if they want to do that. You don't have to go to home plate.

It'd be nice to get the second or third base, for fuck's sakes. All right, I was looking at this other thing that we might be able to sell around people in the park. It's sakes. Alright, I was looking at this other thing that we might be able to sell around people in the park. It's tan round. The see-through clothing lets you sunbathe all year round. Check this shit out. What? People are buying that shit. It's stupid.

What is it? It just looks like a fucking, it's like a saran wrap little fucking get-up on. Like Randy wears. Yeah, something like that. Well, he's just fucked. He wears blow bags. I'm telling you, boys, it's stupid fucking ideas like this that make tons of money. That must be a joke.

No, man, it's not a joke. Well, why would you wear that? So if you want to get a tan, you just walk around. But why not walk around with no shirt on? Because it's winter. You're not going to get a tan in the winter with a fucking garbage bag on you. All right, I haven't read through this whole thing. This does seem a little bit fucked.

That's a joke. You're on a joke web. What's the white website called? Jokes.com? You're on fire today, man. Okay, you can sunbathe to minus one degrees Celsius. There you go. Oh, man.

So there you fucking go. I can't see it. Wrapped in a fucking... Hot dog. Strain wrap. Wrapper. How much of a dick would you look like walking around with that weird fucking shirt on? How much of a dick would you be making tons of fucking money seeing dickheads walking around buying your shit?

You wouldn't feel like a dick at all. You'd be successful. Yeah, okay. Well, I'm just telling you, man. I could come up with a better idea than you in four seconds to make money. Right now. One, two, three.

Making lists for people. Four things to do on the weekends without spending money. Right there. There you go. Who the fuck would pay for that service? I could make a book. A hundred things to do on the weekend pay for that service? I could make a book. A hundred things to do on the weekend without spending a dime.

I could sell that book. What are your top two? I don't know. I'd have to think about it. Top one would be banging, I guess. There you go. Spend the whole weekend banging instead of spending money. Who the fuck would read that? Lots of people.

Oh, I'm bored this weekend. What the fuck? I'm going to... People don't often think of, you know, go to the library. There you go. Oh, that's lots of fun. That costs you money, though. Late fees. Well, you don't have to borrow anything. You can go there.

Bake a loaf of bread. Costs you money. Bake is... Not if you've got the ingredients. But there's a fun activity for the whole weekend. I don't imagine many people have those just laying around their house. Clean out your media collection. What does media mean?

Go through your CDs and your tapes. You know what that sounds like? Chores. No, it's fun things to do without spending money. Who fucking would have fun going through their media shit? Well, it's a lot better than fucking finger cuddling and clear jackets.

What the fuck do you mean by that? Finger cuddling and clear jackets. Well, that's your idea. That's not my fucking idea. Oh, fuck. You got a twisted

fucking brain on you, buddy. You're the one that said it. You're the one that fucking said it. You got a twisted fucking brain on you, buddy. You're the one that said it. You're the one that fucking said it. I might work with seniors. They're probably lonely for a cuddle. See? Seniors love to get cuddled, man. So your ladies from Montreal are going to go cuddle 80, 90-year-old fellas, are they?

Do you see the fucking dudes that go in for lap dances and shit? No, I don't look at the dudes when I'm at a strip club, actually. I knew you would fucking spin that around. I'm just saying, you said you see all the dudes that are going for lap dances. I'm just saying, they go... Why are you looking at the dudes at the strip club? I'm not, I'm just saying, there's some pretty fucking disgusting people that go in to get lap dances, right? Ricky, what are you doing?

What is that? It's a finger roller skate, but it doesn't fit on my crab. So I'm going to burn it. Speaking of my crab boys, do you know how much shit lives in the ocean? Like, a lot of shit. Yeah. No kidding. No, no, I mean like tons.

Yeah, what did you think lived in there? Well, I mean, you know about some stuff. Fish and whales and sharks. So is that all you thought was in the ocean, just fish and whales and sharks? And clams. Crabs? Clams and crabs. That's all you thought was in the ocean? Just fish and whales and sharks? And clams. Crabs? Clams and crabs. That's all you thought was in there?

I'm trying to... Well, no, octopuses. Ricky, there's probably more fucking species in the ocean than anywhere. No, I know. But did you guys know that? I did. Yes. I did not.

How did you come to this realization? When I was at the pawn shop, I found some more, what do you call them, like rubber things, I guess. And the ocean collection. Rubber things? Rubber things. The ocean collection. I don't know if you should be buying rubber things at the pawn shop. Like this thing.

Generally used. That lives in the ocean. Did you know that? Yes, Ricky, I know. Stingray. That's a stingray. And this was coming out of him. I don't that? Yes, Ricky, I know. Sting ray. That's a sting ray. And this was coming out of him. I don't know if it's his cock or not.

I can't figure out how it goes on, but it goes on. Where, his tail? It doesn't go into his eye. It could. It's a screwdriver. What the fuck? Ricky, that's the little... Holy fuck, that's the cutest screwdriver I've ever seen.

That's a Barbie screwdriver. Is it a screwdriver? Yeah, look, it's the little... Holy fuck, that's the cutest screwdriver I've ever seen. That's a Barbie screwdriver. Is it a screwdriver? Yeah, look, it's a little Phillips head. Little tiny Phillips head. That's like from Ken and Barbie. Ken would use that to tighten up Barbie skates. Tighten up the wheels on Barbie skates. Octopus means...

I mean, do you know when Octopus's head comes off? Jesus Christ, Ricky. What? That's head comes off? Jesus Christ. Ricky. What? That's just... It's a toy. No, no. It's...

Look. That doesn't really happen in real life, man. These are fucking, like, real... No, Ricky, that's just... It's broken. No, if a thing is after it, it detaches its fucking head. And it gets away and grows more legs. No, that's broken, Ricky.

Is it? Fuck. So you think of a predator's coming, he just goes boop. It's just like an escape. It detaches its head. It's like an escape pod. And then, so what part does the predator go after? What if he still comes after this part?

No, because that looks too tasty. It's like, holy fuck. So he's getting pursued. Oh my fuck, I can't lose fuck, I can't lose him. I can't lose him. Woo! He goes around the corner of a rock. This keeps going.

Jesus Christ, boys. Ricky, no, it's just broken. That's not supposed to come off. It makes so much sense, though. No, Ricky, he shoots an ink cloud. He shoots a big smoke screen, and then he darts away. He doesn't detach his head. I was wondering, because I couldn't get this guy to come prepared.

No, because he's not broken. No, I mean... Well, don't pull his head off. What the fuck is that thing? That's another look. It's a squid or octopus. Look at this fucking thing. That lives in there.

What is it? Don't know, but it lives at this fucking thing. That lives in there. What is it? Don't know, but it lives in the fucking ocean. Yeah, that's definitely some kind of skeeter box or something that goes on the surface. I knew these lived there, but I didn't know about these guys. What's this? Don't know.

That's a seal, Ricky. No, it's blue. And they don't really live in the ocean. They just spend a lot of time in the ocean. Seals? They live in the ocean, pretty much. They get up on land and have a fucking snooze, man. We knew about these ones.

Yeah, but they eat in the ocean. They poop in the ocean. Yeah, but they spend a lot of time in the ocean. They don't live in the fucking... Frog in the ocean. Where do they sleep, then? Alligator. Up on a fucking brook. No, they sleep in the fucking ocean and they all hold hands so they don't float apart.

All right, boys. Get ready to be scared shitless. Seals do that. Are you fucking kidding me? You look it up. Seals, when they go to sleep, they all, maybe that's otters. One of them. You said seals.

They hold hands so that they don't drift apart when they're sleeping. That's why you see them holding hands. That's fucking nice. Prepare to be scared, gentlemen. I don't want to get scared. Next time you're thinking about going swimming at the beach, just remember what could be out there. These fucking things.

Blockness monster. They look fucking vicious. Ricky, this is a fucking dinosaur. These do not live anymore. None of them. All this shit lives in the ocean. The guy told me. This used to live in the ocean about three billion years ago, probably.

Something like that. Sea otters, they hold hands when they're taking naps. Not fucking seals. Oh, different than, sleeping's different than a nap, is it? You want to sit here and argue with me all day and say, no, seals do hold hands? They don't. So suck it.

Well, they sleep in the fucking ocean. They sleep on a fucking rock. Ricky. That's what fucking happens to those things. No, this would be way bigger than this unless this was a megalodon. Maybe that's a megalodon. Look down his mouth, look.

Little baby whale. Did you know whales have warts all over them? Ricky, why is the pubes all over his teeth? No, there isn't. Look. Not for me. I don't have any. Ricky, what were you sticking in there?

It must have been the guy from the shop, because I don't have any. Oh, my God. You banged that, didn't you? I did not. Bullshit. I'm hairless. Okay, yeah, my God. You banned that, didn't you? I did not. Bullshit. I'm hairless. Okay, yeah, he is. He did say he shaved balls. Unless you did it a long time ago.

I haven't shaved, you know, back here anywhere. Unless you put that up your arse. No, no, but I'm not hairless. Hairless, hairless. Ricky, please don't tell me you put a rubber megalodon up your arse. No. Please? He did.

Feel the warts on the whale. Didn't know they had them. Those aren't warts, Ricky. How do you give that a sniff test before you put your hands on it? Yeah, Ricky, you know what? I don't know that I want to play with any more of your rubber toys. Anyway, my point is there's a fuck-a-lot of shit that lives in the ocean that I did not know about.

There's a fuck a lot of shit that lives in the ocean that I did not know about You didn't know that there was dinosaur fish and Stingrays and Ricky there's probably There's thousands of species of things that live in the ocean. Okay, fuck sorry guys I don't know everything about an ocean. I don't swim underwater that often So I haven't seen a lot of things. Well, I don't either, Ricky, but I know that things live there. You don't have to swim underwater and even if you did, you're not going to see

thousands of species of things around here. Just saying. Well, you must read a lot of books. I do read a lot of books. Holy fuck, boys. Educate yourself. So what else?

Did you guys want to do anything? Nothing? Just a second. Remember, what was it, the last podcast, the one before that? Ricky. People licking eyeballs? Yes. Another story about a woman, Bosnian woman.

She cleans people's eyes by licking the eyeballs. Yeah, that's what I was talking about. That's the same story. She was from Bosnia the first time you read it, too. Was it? Yeah. No, I thought it was hot, like, Japanese chicks that were doing it. No, it was a Bosnian woman.

You were just fantasizing that it was, I guess. Holy shit. Wow. It was the same eye licker, probably. No, no, I'm pretty sure they're hot women. Please don't heat up my beer. She's nice and cold. Anything interesting happen on February 17th,

besides it's three days after Valentine's Day? I don't know. What's this list here? Boys, how did I fuck that up? Something's wrong. She's definitely not hot. Like, how? I'm telling you, man. wrong. She's definitely not hot. Like, how... I'm telling you, man.

Would you let her lick your eyeballs? I don't think she is. No. Fuck that. Jesus, Murphy. Here, there's all kinds of stuff here, boys. February 17th in history. Look at this.

I don't understand any of it. Brian Wilson rolls tape on Good Vibrations Take One on this day, 1966. Good, good, good, good vibrations. We should figure out how to play it. I mean, I guess that's kind of cool, but... Figure out how to play it. All the Beatles put out Penny Lane and Strawberry Fields in 1967 on this day. Very cool. Sing it, Ricky.

Sing Penny Lane. Penny Lane is in my mind and in my heart. Keep going. Till beneath the red suburban sky. Awesome singing, Ricky. Love when you sing songs. Bob Dylan and Johnny Cash recorded an album on this day that was never released. Where is it?

Never got released. It must be on a shelf somewhere. That's how we make money. Release it. Oh, I tell you, if we could get our hands on that fucking tape. It's got to be worth a few bucks. Where the fuck would it be? Well, Bob Dylan, Johnny Castro, I bet you it's in Nashville.

Nashville. Or Memphis. They're pretty close together, aren't they? Fairly close. What year was that? One day trip. Probably get 30 flies in 1969. Oh, last night. 1969. They're both in Tennessee. I bet you could sell out for 30-40 grand easy. 30-40 grand,

Ricky, would be worth a fuck of a lot more than that. Millions. An unreleased Bob Dylan Johnny Cash record. Well then what are we doing sitting here making no money when we could be down there making money? Look, if you want to get in a car and drive to Nashville or Memphis, I'll fucking go right now. Alright. I've always wanted to go to Memphis. And Nashville. We're not going down in this car, man.

No fucking way. Michael Jordan was born today. Yeah, he was. How old is he now? 53. What song did he sing? Oh, Ricky Michael Jordan, Air Jordan. Oh, fuck. I thought I meant the guy with the, you know, the bent nose.

Hmm. The guy with the bent nose. Michael, oh, Michael Bolton. Bolton. That's how I remember his name, because a bolt always goes on. Bolton. Michael Bolton? Well, he pronounced it Bolton, I think, but that's how I remembered it.

Do you think his nose was bolted on? Didn't he have a fucked-up nose, or was that somebody else? He didn't have a fucked-up nose, I don't think. Did Michael Bolton's nose get fucked up? I don't fucking know. I'll look it up for you. Billy Joel Armstrong. From Green Day.

Paris Hilton. Oh, she's sexy. Paris Hilton. Rene Rousseau. Lou Diamond Phillips. Karate Kid. He was in Young Guns too, huh? Yeah, but he was...

Yeah, but Young Guns was the cool... Make you famous. Remember that, Lance? He was in the Karate Kids where he became really famous, though. No. Lou Diamond Phillips was not in the Karate Kid, Ricky. He was the Karate Kid. No, he wasn't. Lou Diamond Phillips from La Bamba.

Oh, he's got, what, a twin brother? Is that what you're going to tell me? With a different name? No, he's not his twin. He was in La Bamba. I know. You're thinking of what's-his-face. Karate Kid was, um...

Oh, fuck, what was his name? The fuck was his name? You know, Karate Kid. He wasn't Lou Diamond Phillips. Or Shino, or... Ralph Macchio. Oh, fuck, you're right karate kid. He wasn't Lou Diamond Phillips. Or Shino or... Ralph Macchio. Oh, fuck, you're right.

Ralph Macchio. Lou Diamond Phillips would beat the piss out of Ralph Macchio. Macchio thought he was pretty Macchio, didn't he? No, he didn't. He was just a skinny little karate kid. I thought he had some skills, though. Some MMA skills. Denise Richards? In the movies, he did. No, but I thought he was... Wax on, wax off.

...training or something. Ed Sheeran. A bunch of other fucking people. Remember when you got right into that... Remember you waxed that fence, Ricky, for about a year, thinking you were going to know karate? I didn't, no. No, you got the best beat out of you.

Well, I tried it a couple times, and, yeah, it didn't work as well as it fucking did in the movie. So it's always better, I've found, to just try to take people to the ground and start fucking feeding them the elbows. I need a drink, boys. So do I. Here's Michael Poulton. Is his nose fucked up or not? He's got a beautiful nose. He's had it fixed, then.

He's got a lovely nose. I wish I had a nose like that. Maybe I'm thinking of somebody else. He's a good looking guy. I wish I had a nose. Maybe I'm thinking of somebody else. He's a good looking guy. I wonder if there's any parts of him at all that are bolted on. Wouldn't you like to know, huh? Bolt on, bolt off. Strap on, strap off. You wish he had a strap on?

What are you talking about? No, he muttered that, so... Fuck. Fuck. Alright. It's liquor time. It's liquor time. Rolling time. It's frog-or-let's-get-drunk-fuck-off time. It's all of the above.

See you next week. When we're a lot more fared and organized. We won't be. Not a chance.