Trailer Park Boys Presents: Park After Dark - Episode 87 - Hunkules

Episode Date: April 6, 2017

The Boys are into a few cans of their very own beer - Freedom 35, available soon across Canada! They talk about contaminated cola, John Wayne Bobbitt’s frankencock, and borntdays. Plus: Bubbles works on a new song about Julian’s sexy muscles! Episode 87 is brought to you by the Official Trailer Park Boys Store, now selling limited edition Trailer Park Boys skateboards by Baker Boards!  

Decent. Decent, Ricky. That was cool, Bobbs. Holy fuck, Bobbs. Perfect with my buzzer on. Beats. Beats, baby. I know it's beats. It's all about the beats. About the beats. No treble. It's all about the beats.

This is a delicious little surprise. Ricky, we were supposed to do it together. All right, let's do it. It's not open yet. I heard it go pshh. Just open your beer up, have a drink. Tell everybody. Here, you've got to open one too.

This doesn't come out for 20 fucking days, but we've got a special shipment. A little tester. We've got the tester. Look at that. I've no idea what a good beer tastes like this baby's coming out look it's got ice on it cheers man not too shabby tell me what you think boys I think I perfected it I think you did great here it comes here she comes.

I think she's decent. Yeah. Alright. It's good. It's a good chuggin' beer. If you guys say it's a good beer, it's a good beer. It's a good chuggin' beer right there, Ricky. Alright. So it's April 7th, you're gonna do your your little fucking stupid whatever the fuck you do every week.

Okay, I'm feeling good now. I kind of felt a little too fucked up to do this, but now I'm getting it together. What's going on, fuckers? Bubs? This is the official Trailer Prep Boys podcast coming at you right now. We are pretty baked. April 7th. What number is it?

Julian? It's 87. Oh, fuck. You're lucky. Same as your Monte Carlo. Same as the old Monte Carlo. That's pretty fucking good actually. Same as your mother's old thing too.

Her old what thing? Her old what? Her old, you know. Muff? Ricky. Boys. I didn't know what you were talking about. Don't talk about my mother's muff and how old it is.

The thingy, whatever the thingy is. I wasn't talking about her muff. You were talking about the thingy on her muff. No, I didn't even mention muff. What thingy? That's what I want to know. What thingy you were talking about. Clitoris? What thingy you talking about? What thing on the moth?

Ricky, how in the fuck, boys, did we get talking about moths and clitoris? Because we're fucking big. That's why. That's what happens when you smoke that shit. I wasn't talking about anything to do with moths or clitoris. You said it was just like your mother's thingy. Yeah, I wasn't talking about it. She's 47 years old. I don't have anything to do with it.

Did you say 47? The thingy on her thingy down there was 47 years old. I never even said a ye... I never said 47 anything. No? No. What the fuck did we smoke? You imagine that.

I didn't smoke nearly the amount you guys did. Thank God. The new season's been out for a week. People seem to be digging it. That's fucking good. And people are saying how smart that Ricky looked this season, which is great. Who's saying that?

Lots of comments. I never read a thing. I was blown away by how smart Ricky showed us this season. I never saw anything to do with that. I read quite a few of the comments, man. There's no way that that didn't even come up. They were talking about some toaster thing or something, and how fucked that was. You're fucked.

No, you're fucked. Ricky, what did I tell you about eating chips during the broadcast? You said not to do it. If I was gonna do it, to be quiet about it, because they were loud. Is that it? Yeah, that was it. Yeah. And you're not doing either of the things I asked. All right. No more chips.

For a little bit. Okay, boys. What do we got to talk about? It's April 7th. We're baked. We got a new beer coming out. And new season's up. Let's take you back to 1977. Okay.

Okay, let's do that. Toronto Blue Jays played their first game April 7th, 1977. A lot of sevens. Who did? Toronto Blue Jays. Seventh month, seventh day, 1977. Where the fuck did that come from? Look at this big long hair that was on me.

Jesus Christ. That's disgusting, man. What is that? What'd you bang on? Look at this big long hair that was on me. Jesus Christ. That's disgusting man. What is that? What you banging? Speaking of your mother's muff. Puffs. Get it? Yeah. Jesus, I don't know where that came from. Did you bang a hairy dog last night?

No, Ricky. I didn't do that. You're covered in fucking hair, man. Am I? Yeah, like whose hair is that? That's from like a chick. I don't do that. You're covered in fucking hair, man. Am I? Yeah, like, whose hair is that? That's from like a chick. I don't know. Or a sheepdog. Yeah, well...

Did you bang a sheepdog? No, I didn't bang a sheepdog, but I might have been getting busy. Did a sheepdog bang you? Might have been getting busy. With who? I was at the Legion last night. Oh, yeah? Yeah.

What happened? Karen was there. Oh, Karen? Yeah. What happened? Karen was there. Oh, Karen. Yeah. Oh, man. Was she wasted? Oh, yeah. She was wasted.

Not as wasted as I was, but she was pretty wasted. She's a big lady. She's cute, but... She's not a big lady. Not a big Karen that works the bar, Ricky. Oh, okay. Karen, the one that sweeps the floor. Oh, the shy one. Not big dirty Karen. She's pretty, yeah, she's not bad.

So what happened? You get shit going or what? Wouldn't you like to know? Yeah, that's why I'm asking you. Oh, don't guess and tell. Don't guess and tell, but my hips are sore, let's just say that. At any point in the evening... My hips are sore, let's just say that. At any point in the evening... Her hips are sore. ...were her pants down around her ankles. She was wearing a skirt, Ricky. Buzz, why were your hips sore?

Were you, like, spread eagle or something, or what were you doing? Did she put the blocks to you? Mm-hmm. Strap bar? That's hilarious. That's hilarious. That's hilarious. You got sore hips, buddy. Just wanted to know how that happened.

Well, you know. What? When your hips are smashing into things, it might bruise the mouth. Okay. So you got laid last night. Good going, bud. I'm not saying anything about anything. Any toys?

What? Toys. Ricky, I'm not a toy person. All right. I'm glad you had a good night. I'm glad your hips are sore. Anything else sore? Just your hips.

Shaved or anything? Boy, you're embarrassing me. I sprained my thumb, actually. You showered? What's that in? Different things can happen with your thumb when it gets hurt. Nice. I don't know if I've ever had a thumb injury.

I've had finger injuries. Ricky, you broke your thumb. You bent your thumb right back to here on a dare. One time, remember? I don't remember that. You don't remember Danny Rackford saying, you can't bend your thumb back and touch your wrist. And you were like, yes I can.

And you snapped it. Yeah, I do remember that. Was it broke? Yes, it was broken. Well, it was bent right back to here. It went snap. It was disgusting. And something went snap, and she swelled up and turned blue.

Yeah, it was broke. Lucky he didn't challenge you to say you couldn't bend your wiener around to your arse or something. You can't break your wiener, though. There's no bone in it. Oh, you can break it. Really? Yes, there's been...

I don't know how I haven't, then. Some of the things I've done to mine. Like what? Like what? Yeah, man. What things have you done to your wiener that amazes you you haven't broken it? Some crazy types of banging, but mostly some just experimental things,

just to see how much it can take. It can take a lot. Those are the things I'm most interested in hearing about. Well, you must have tried to hang shit off of yours at some point in your life. Ricky, what did you hang off of? You can hang a lot of, an iron one time. It wasn't on. An iron?

Yeah. How did you hang it off there? You know, through the handle. Through the handle? Yeah. So you you hang it off there? You know, through the handle. Through the handle? Yeah. So you had an erection. Well, yeah, you can't hang it off. Well, I thought maybe you wrapped the cord around the end of it and just let her dangle.

No, man. Rip right off. That would never work. Don't do it that way. No. I remember the time you fucking tied a kite to your bird and you damn near lost it. Damn near came off. That was a bad, bad idea. Damn near came off. That was a bad, bad idea.

Damn near lost it. It was funny for about four seconds. You thinking it would be better to use wire to wrap it around your bird, and that wire almost sliced straight through her. Oh, it was pretty fucking windy that day. Like that thing you used to get from K-Tel for slicing up the eggs with. What the fuck are you talking about? I don't remember that, K-Tel.

Remember K-Tel used to sell that thing? I know K-Tel. Put the hard-boiled egg in and go like that, and all the wires slice the egg into... That's what almost happened to your wiener. So, okay, I've always wanted to know this. If he actually did slice his wiener off that day with the kite, would you have, like, taken the member

and brought it to the hospital with him? Yes, I would have. Really? I would have put it on you. I would have dumped that out and put it on your ice. That wouldn't have happened. Yes, it would have. There's no fucking way that would have went in there.

Can you reattach a wiener? Yes. Yeah, man. Remember when Watcherface there cut off the fellas? Hobbit? Yeah. Hobbit. He wasn't a hobbit, Ricky. What was his name? Hobbit? Yeah. Hobbit. He wasn't a Hobbit, Ricky. What was his name?

Bobbit. John Wayne Bobbit. John Glenn Bobbit or something. And what was her name? Remember? Lorena Bobbit. Lorena Bobbit. Jeez, that's good, man. Good remembering. Lorena Bobbit and he was... What was his name? Joey.

No, that was Badafuko. That was Bada? Joey. No, that was Badafuko. That was Badafuko. Oh, okay. She didn't cut off Joey Badafuko's wiener. She cut off... What was his name?

Fucking Lorena Bobbitt cut off... I don't know, man. John Wayne Gacy? No, he's a serial killer. Sam? No, that's the son of Sam. He's also a serial killer.

Jeffrey. Jeffrey Dahmer.'s also a serial killer. Jeffrey. Jeffrey Dahmer. Ricky, those are all serial killers. So who are we trying to figure out here, Bob? We're trying to think whose wiener she cut off. Bobbitts. Okay, who was the one cutting the wiener off? Lorena Bobbitt. Lorena Bobbitt.

Cut off. Bobbitt, cut off. Here, I'm going to go. Charlie Bobbitt? No, Bobbitt. She cut his wiener off, fired it out the window. Somebody found it in the field, brought it to the hospital, said, anybody missing a wiener?

They're like, we have one. Yeah. Shut the hell up. All right, well, it's nothing like that, Lisa. And they sold it back on. And it still works? He ended up doing a porno record. No, he didn't.

He did. See, that's smart. Because, you know, you could watch something like that just to see how the thing fucking works. They paid him a million dollars to be in a porno because his wiener, it looked like Frankenstein's wiener. It was all bent and fucking stitched up. So you saw it. I saw a picture of it.

Did it look good? It looked horrible. It looked like Frankenstein's wiener. It started out nice, and then there was some huge scarring. What do you mean it started out nice? The bass was nice? I mean the bass was, I don't mean nice. It was nice.

I didn't mean nice. I meant normal. The bass looked normal. And then all of a sudden there was some scarring and she went off to the left about 60 degrees. There was a big problem with it. John Wayne Bobbitt. I was right.

John Wayne Bobbitt. Let me see if I can find a picture of his wiener. Where was it cut? Was it cut at the base or halfway up? I don't know, Ricky. I didn't examine it. What did she cut it off with? A steak knife.

A steak knife. What part was nice? It wasn't nice, Ricky. Let me rephrase. I meant the shaft started. Normal. I didn't mean nice. I meant normal.

Okay. And then all of a sudden she fucking went to not good. So his wang looked something like Tom Berger in Sniper, that movie. Is that what it looked like? All fucked up? No, it didn't look like. Just wait. John Wayne Bobbitt's wiener.

Oh, Christ. I don't really see this. Yeah. Let me see. John Wayne Bobbitt wiener. Let's see what comes up. Images. Oh, 1997, Howard Stern Radio Show premiered on April 7th. There's a lot of sevens. There is a lot of sevens going on, yeah.

Well, because you looked up the day in history on April 7th, Ricky. So they're all gonna say 7th. No, no, but it was like 1997. 97. 1977 was Blue Jays. You know, 7ths. Where is a picture of this man's wiener? I don't see any wieners. I don't see lots of dudes with no shirts on, man. What are you looking at?

I typed in John Wayne Bobbitt wiener. Type in John Wayne Bobbitt Wiener. Type in John Wayne Bobbitt Cock. Okay. Just so you know. That'll probably... This is... Get ready to look away. This is a dangerous search. This is what you call a dangerous search right here.

You don't have any cock filters on here, do you? No. No, I don't think there's any pictures. They must have... They must have blocked pictures of his wiener from going up. You got any talk filters on here, do you? No. No, I don't think there's any pictures. They must have... They must have blocked pictures of his wiener from going on the Internet.

Well, that's a real shame. Is that him? That's Julian. That's the poster you had on your wall. Fuck off. No, that's... Guess who was born today? Who? Who, man? Four big ones. Four people?

Four big ones. A lot of people were born today. Like, yeah, okay. Honestly. Ravi Shankar. Ooh. Nice. We like to listen to him when we're baked.

Yes, we do. Yeah. I think he was like 1920. He did well. Yes. Francis Ford Coppola. Right 1920. He did well. You guess. Francis Ford Coppola. Right on. Fucking good films.

Name one film he made, Ricky. What? Name one film that Francis Ford Coppola made. Apocalypse Now? Did he do that one? No. He did. I didn't know that you would.

I thought you were going to say he's the wine guy. That's the only one I know that he did. He may have made others. I thought you were going to say the wine guy. And two of Julian's favorites also burnt on this day. Who's that? Schwarzenegger and Swayze? Yeah, but no. This is probably the top.

They're in the top ten, but not in the top five. Top ten of what? Of men that you like. Okay, so, just wait, I'm going to guess. I know Julian's

top ten list of men. What'd you guys fuck off? I don't have a top ten list. Alan Thicke. No, he could be in the top ten. No, he's not in the top ten. No, is he one of the guesses?

I'll give you a hint. Aviator. Aviator. Tom Cruise? Oh, no. That's the wrong movie. What was the one where he was fighting with a sword? The Last Samurai?

Freedom? No. Fuck. Freedom. Mel Gibson? Mel Gibson? Yeah, but that it's not him it's the other guy

he's the one that did Freedom man no one else did that no but he was in a movie Richie Aves did Freedom he was in a movie like that but it wasn't that one

you're a great hint giver Ricky uh I think he could be from Russell Crowe is he yes Russell Crowe

yes glad he that's the movie that was not Avey no that movie was awesome I think he could be from... Russell Crowe? Yes. Russell Crowe? Yes. Gladiator. That's the movie. That was not a good movie, man. No. That movie was awesome. Russell Crowe, he does love Russell Crowe. Fucking right he does.

He's a good fucking actor. Yeah. He does a lot of good movies. You like his body. I don't like his fucking body. And one of your other favorites, you had this poster. Jackie Chan. Jackie? No, man. I did not

have a Jackie Chan poster. I had the Jackie Chan poster, Ricky. Dumbass. I did have Bruce Lee. Same guy. Who was fucking... What? He's not the same guy. Bruce Lee's dead, man. I thought Jackie Chan was just his movie name.

Oh, man. What? Are you kidding me? You thought Jackie Chan was just his movie name. Oh, man. Oh, what? Are you kidding me? You thought Jackie Chan was Bruce Lee? Yeah. Ricky, there's no fucking way you thought that. Bruce Lee's dead.

They do the same moves. Well, they must have fucking grew up together then. Why? Because they're exactly the same. No, they're have fucking grew up together then. Why? Because they're exactly the same. No, they're not. No? They don't look anything alike, man. I haven't seen Bruce Lee in a while,

but I think that they are the same person, related. Bruce Lee and Jackie Chan are the same person. What about Jet Li? Fuck, maybe he's them too. Who's that? Jet Li. Yeah. You don't Fuck, maybe he's them too. Who's that? Jet Li. Yeah. Oh, fuck. You know Jet Li.

I don't know any of those old kung fu movies. Alright. Chuck Norris. Is he Bruce Lee too? No, he doesn't look anything like him. I don't know. What the fuck? Walker, Texas Ranger.

That was a fucking good show about it. Okay, Julian. Who's the guy in the Bionic Man again? That was a fucking good show, bud. Okay, Julian. Who's the guy on The Bionic Man again? Steve Austin. Yeah. Lee Majors.

That's who I was... See? One of the greatest actors of all time, in my opinion. But Lee Majors and Steve Austin are the same person. Who is? Steve Austin and who? Yeah, but Ricky, Lee Majors played Steve Austin. That was his character's name. That's what I'm saying.

Anyway, what else do you guys want to talk about? How fucked you are, maybe? I'm not fucked. Did you find that wiener yet? No, I gave up on the wiener. All right, good. We should have fucking stolen this coin that was stolen in fucking Germany, man. That Canadian coin.

One million dollar gold coin. 4.5 million dollars, Ricky. Whoa. It says one million on the coin, but it could be worth more, I guess. By today's gold prices? Yep. It's worth four and a half million. One coin.

The fucking thing's about that big. It weighed 100 kgs? 100 kilograms of fucking gold coin. No way. How the fuck do you steal that? You must have to work out for years to get in shape for that. Julian, can you lift 100 kilograms? Yeah, man.

You could lift 100 kilograms. We should have fucking went to Germany and taken this fucking thing. Yeah, instead of robbing fucking gumball machines for coins. Could have melted it down, made gold shoes and... There's no way we'd get home with that fucking huge coin, man. You'd have to hide it. You could melt it down over there. Where are you gonna hide a 100 kilogram coin?

I don't know where your mother'd hide it. Yeah, we could fly her over. Get it? Melt it down into a big fucking tubular-shaped object. Big arky. Boys. 100-kilogram dildo. My mother could be watching this.

You never know. I hope she is. Wherever the fuck she is, I don't know. Slutting around somewhere. No, it says, Please say the coin is too heavy to be carried by one person. Bull fucking shit. Yeah, they don't know how big you are though. Oh man, they don't know who they're dealing with. No.

A lot of people could fucking lift it. They don't know Hunky Lee's is fucking in the house. You've been training for that fucking crime your whole life. Did you say Hunky Lee's? Yeah, Hunky Lee's. God, folks. I'm going to get a t-shirt made that says H your whole life. Did you say hunky-lees? Hunky-lees. God, folks. I'm going to get a T-shirt made that says hunky-lees. No, you're not. Put it on you.

You get that shirt made, I'm ripping it right off your body. Ripping it right off your body like Hulk Hogan? Hunky-lees? I'll give you the rest of this beer if you rip your shirt off your body right now. Nope. Please? Nope.

Please, Julian, our ratings will... I still have lots of this left. Our ratings will go through the roof. Yeah, yeah, they really go through the roof. I'm going to write a song called Hunk-U-Lees. I don't want to hear it. Hunk-U-Lees, oh, Hunk-U-Lees. Hunk-U-Lees, oh, Hunk-U. Hunk you lease.

Oh, hunk you lease. What the fuck is this story here that you gave me? He is muscular. And he is hunky. And the people at the store call him Hunk-U-Lees. Or Hung-U-Lees. Hung-U-Lees. Hung-U-Lees.

Because they're fucked. He's muscular and he's fucking hung. Hung-U-Lees. All right. Julian. It's time to move on here. And introducing Julian in hungulies. Man takes two years to realize adopted dogs

were actually black bears. What? Is he blind or? Who are these people? We need to know more. A man in China only realized after two years that the dogs he adopted were actually Asian black bears. What the fucking dog looks like a bear?

I don't know. They don't? No. Maybe he wasn't. Maybe his eyesight wasn't great. Speaking of hungulies, Wang is his name. Wang Kau was traveling through Vietnam in 2013 when he purchased two small bear cubs, which he then brought back to his home in somewhere.

He thought they were puppies? He described the dogs as well-behaved with large and curious appetites, but never thought they might be bears. Wang Kau, if you're watching this, you're fucking dumb. You have to have eyesight troubles. Yeah, and you're fucked in the head. You are totally fucked in the head. I mean, I...

If his... If his eyes aren't great, I can see it. I can see it happening. Oh, Bob's... I could see that happening. Are Asian black bears smaller than regular black bears? I almost got bit. Remember when we went to the wildlife park?

I almost petted a bear thinking it was a puppy. That was a baby bear, though. That was a baby bear, man. I know, but I thought it was a dog. Well, you can't see that well. I can see good. Pretty good. Well.

Fairly good. Trying to pet a bear, Bobs? That's not good. Something's wrong there with you. Fuck. I can't even figure that one out. Why? It's too smart for me. A grand jury Texas...

I don't know. What's a GIF? A GIF. It's like a little moving picture you find on the internet. A grand jury in Texas has ruled that an animated gif which caused writer Kirk Eichenwald to have a seizure

should be considered a deadly weapon because it was sent as a deliberate attack on his epileptic condition. What? That's fucked up. Well, things like that can set off epileptics, you know. Flashy things.

Blinking lights, flashing things. And that's what he did. Why did he do that? Well, no, somebody sent it to him to try to kill him. Somebody wanted him to go into a fat and he did. Somebody was... It's pretty fucked up. Oh, and here's a better part to the story.

It was sent by a Maryland man who was allegedly angry with Eichenwald for criticizing Donald Trump. Oh, Jesus Christ. It was a Donald Trump supporter, and he tried to kill him with a gif. Poor bastard. He probably pissed himself, too. That's what happens when you... That's what happens, man. You go into it sometimes. I wonder if Donald Trump is eclectic.

I don't believe he is. Ricky, I never heard that. What did you say he was? Ecoplectic. Eclectic. Eclectic. What else you have? I don't want to really talk about this one Oh, I got one I was just drinking this and then it's scary

What? I was just drinking that last night with some rum Coca-Cola calls in police after human waste is found in cans Human waste? What? Some cocksucker at the can factory must have been pissed off. Either pissed or took a dump. Coca-Cola says the incident at its bottling factory in Lisburn...

Co-antrum. What the fuck is that? It was an isolated one. Where is this at? And what did the guy do? Northern Ireland. Confirmed on Tuesday it had opened an inquiry into feces. What does that mean?

Poop, Ricky. He shit in the coke cans. God damn it. Ended up in the cans at the Hellinick Bottling Company factory in Lisbon County, Antrim. Oh, man. Coca-Cola suspended nighttime processing last week at the plant when machines became clogged. Clogged, Julian. You know what?

Boys, there's got to be like a total recall of this shit. I'd drink that stuff. And if it's in a can, you'd open it. You wouldn't even know it's in there. Not until you put it in your lips. Yeah, or ruin the fucking good rum and coke. No shit. The soft drink giant said it impounded all the affected cans.

How do they know? That had the contaminant in them. Are they sure? That's the shit they're talking about. It could have been going on for fucking months. It did not affect any products that were on sale. That's what they say. Bullshit. for fucking months. It did not affect any products that were on sale. That's what they say. Oh, shit.

The cans arrived at the factory without tops to be filled with the fizzy drink before they are sealed. Oh, so, okay, that's different. So he's shitting the cans that weren't filled yet. Ah. That didn't have the tops on them so they could see clearly.

I wonder if it was like logs or runny. Let me read on, Ricky, see if I can find out. A PSNI spokesman said the cans were filled with, some were filled with log-type materials, but other cans were filled with a runny fecal substance. So there's more than one person doing this, obviously. I just made that part up. Oh, okay.

Doesn't say if they were logged or not. Holy fuck. All right, are we done with that one? I think so. Because this one you're going to love. Because you and I have both believed in them. It's a good one. What is it?

Let's see. Woman says she crashed into deer because she saw a Bigfoot. No way. No fucking way. She was looking at the Bigfoot in the rearview mirror. Didn't see the deer right in front of her. And it fucking ran in front of her. Moscow, Idaho.

No, she was wasted and should have been fucking charged with drinking. A northern Idaho woman told police she crashed into a deer because she was distracted by a sand squamp in her rear view mirror.

Fact. Not, no fucking way. It's a fact. The Moscow Pullman Daily News reports the 50-year-old hen-sad woman

was driving south on Highway 95 on Wednesday when she struck a deer near Potlatch. Potlatch, that sounds like a place it'd be fun to go to, wouldn't it? Potlatch. The woman told the county sheriff that she saw a Sam's Clamps chasing a deer on the side of the road while she was driving. See, he was going to eat the cocksucker.

No, man. He was going to snap, snap, and eat him. Got him. I've seen them do it. Don't believe it. She says she checked one of her mirrors to get a second look at the beast, and when she looked up, the deer ran in front of her.

They got to fucking get on that. Track them. I guarantee you, I know what happened. What happened? I bet you he was hungry, saw the deer and said, I'm not supposed to go out where people can see me, but fuck it, I'm hungry, I'm gonna eat that cocksucker. And he chased him.

And he probably just about had him. Look, there's a picture of him. There's no, that's a man. That's a, that's... That is a fucking man in a fursuit with a beard. Come on, man. Well, maybe that's just an artist's rendering, but... That's...

I've seen them chase deer. That's for real. I've seen them chase deer. No, that's real. You've witnessed a fucking Bigfoot chasing a deer. I have seen it. No, you haven't. I have seen it with my own two eyes.

If you had, you'd be out in the woods still trying to find Bigfoot. I saw it with these two babies right here. The old man saw one take down a moose. He what? He saw one take down a moose. A big one? Single fucking handedly. Ray was on mushrooms, man.

There's no fucking way that happened. It would have made the news. Homemade weapon. Then he killed the moose and ate it. Who did? The, uh... The Sam Twamsh had a weapon? How come I never heard this story before? I just remembered it now.

That's a pretty big fucking story to forget. That Ray... Well, nobody believed him. I would have. No, who would believe him, man? He was a fucking... He lied. That was his thing. He was pretty drunk, but... He was... There's no fucking way, man.

I don't care how drunk you are. You don't hallucinate, do you? No, you just make stories up because you're fucked. You ever had a snake up your nose? What? You ever had a snake up your nose? There was a cat. A cat got a snake up your nose? What? You ever had a snake up your nose? There was a cat. A cat got a snake up his nose. Oh, don't tell me that. A cat gets a snake up her nose, but doesn't have a hissy fit.

Did you get it? Hiss? Like a snake? Hiss? Hissy? That was brilliant. Yeah, I got it. It wasn't really that brilliant.

That was brilliant. Brilliant writing. It wasn't really that brilliant. A cat in Mendocino County had an experience that some might find hysterical. Emphasis on the hiss. Oh, these people are funny. The black tabby whose name is Marion somehow found herself with a small snake in her nose. Fuck sakes.

Clumsy cat was introduced. People are not looking after their kitties. They're letting snakes walk the nose. That's a picture. That's cool. Oh, that's terrible. Oh, fuck. That is, yeah, I feel bad for that cat. Maybe it would have helped the cat. Clear his fucking sinuses right out.

Ricky, there's better ways to clear cat sinuses than that. I wonder if you could do that when your sinuses are clogged. Fucking jam a snake up there and ream her right out. Why, fuck. Yeah, let's do that.

I'd love to see that happen. Please don't try that, Ricky. I'm doing it. No, because it'll be me sitting in the fucking emergency room waiting for him, trying to explain

how this happened, making up a story. Nothing big, like a little grass snake. One of those little green things. What's it gonna do when it's up there? It's gonna go up and through and it'll either come out your mouth or maybe it'll go back to the other side and ring that out. Just finished my first beer. How was it?

It was actually pretty fucking good. Excuse me. That is a nice beer. That is a nice beer. That is a nice beer. I'm fucking happy. All right, I got to go take a leak. I think we're done. Don't be a dick.

Oh, I just got to tell you one thing. What? This is real, Ricky. Wrap your fucking brains around this. Wait a second. Is it going to hurt me? Is it too much for me to take in right now? No, Ricky, you're not going to blow a gasket.

All right. There's a fucking juice. Wrap your head around this, though. Okay. There's a company in New York. I've heard of them. And here's what they're going to do. Excuse me?

They're going to build a fucking skyscraper. Right? Okay. But instead of, you know, a skyscraper. Right? Okay. But instead of, you know, a skyscraper is a tall building and normally they sit on the ground like this. Yeah, that's why they're called a skyscraper, because they're high. Yeah, but this is what they're gonna do. They're gonna hook the fucking thing to an asteroid and she's gonna be hanging down onto

the Earth. What the fuck are you talking about? And the asteroid is in a geosynchronous orbit in a hanging down onto the Earth. What the fuck are you talking about? And the asteroid is in a geosynchronous orbit in a figure eight around the Earth. What does that mean? Here's the Earth. The asteroid's going to be doing a figure eight like this with a building hanging off of it with people in it.

What the fuck are you talking about? Dead serious? That's bullshit. No, no. It's not even... How would you do that? I don't know the science behind it, but it's real. It was on Forbes.com. How big are the cables? Big. Fuck. 32,000 fucking meters when you're at the top of it. You're at 100,000 feet. The CN Tower is 400. God, it's making me feel funny just thinking about how high that is. No, man, I would not be going up that building.

No. Can you breathe up there? You know the CN Tower. It must be fucking cold. Remember I showed you the CN Tower? Yeah. That's 450 meters. This thing's 332,000 meters.

See, that's... So it's about 75 times the size of the CN Tower. How would you build it? Well, they're going to... I don't know. I don't know, but I read this. Start from the asteroid down, buddy.. How would you build it? Well, they're going to, I don't know. I don't know, but I read this. Start from the asteroid down, buddy. Where do you get the satellite?

Or the asteroid? No, you build it here, and then you get the fucking asteroid above her, and you just drop the cables, hook her on, take her up, Terry. There's no fucking way. I'm just telling you, it's real.

They're actually talking about doing this. Forbes.com, you can look it up yourself. Wouldn't it be too close? Just look up meteor skyscraper building. How much does it cost? Let's get one. No, it doesn't say what it's going to cost, but they believe that people will want to live in it because you're constantly moving.

You've got the best view ever, because you can see pretty much the space and around the Earth. Would it always be sunny? I think so. All right, boys, we forgot to talk about these fucking things that came out one week ago. Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's me.

That's Ricky. That's you. These fuckers. Look at these fucking things. Baker. We already had these on the show. Yeah, man, we did. You must have blocked that out.

Oh, OK. Well, they're just fucking cool. They're actually for sale now. These are actually for sale now. These things are for sale, and they're pretty fucking cool. That's the nicest one of the three right there. Fire some wheels on it, or just use it as a little fucking thing to hang on the wall. No, you know what people could use it for, Ricky?

I'm smashing into your region. Look, if that's sitting on your lap, what could you do on that? No, it's a perfect fucking rolling table. Perfect rolling table. Look at the curved up edges so the crumbs don't fly away. Yep. Nice glossy top. That is a nice fucking...

That's a beautiful rolling table. That's a nice fucking... That's a beautiful rolling table. That's a nice board. These rolling tables are for sale. Go to the website. You might want to seal up the holes. Your crumbs will fall through there. Oh, no, you've got a big space here, man. That could be like the little garbage cans.

That's clearly the nicest. This is nice, man. I got Don Nuge Nuge in our mind. Riley fucking Hawk. Ricky. Right there. Ricky. Right there. Ricky. What happened?

Those are decent. For sale right now. I think we have, is it our exclusive? Do we have the exclusive sale? Yes, we do, man. On them for the next couple weeks or something? Next couple weeks, so buy them up. Please.

Buy them up. Do we get to keep these? Yeah. I'm keeping mine. All right. Skateboard. Hey, how come you have a sticker on yours? What?

Because mine's the best. Let me see that sticker. What does it say? It says, don't buy Ricky's skateboard. It's a piece of shit. Buy Bubbles. That's not very fair. I don't have a sticker that says, don't buy bubbles, piece of shit.

That's because mine's better.