Trailer Park Boys Presents: Park After Dark - Episode 91 - Ricky Signs Away His Brain

Episode Date: May 8, 2017

Ricky is a weed wonder, with a third lung for dope smoke and a brain covered in years of resin. Ricky signs over his brain to Bubbles for scientific research so long as Bubbles promises no “sexy stuff.” PLUS: Learn how to deal with judges! Episode 91 is brought to you by the Official Trailer Park Boys Store and Freedom 35 lager!  

This is not going to be one of those days where you just hover cocks in my face all day thinking it's funny. Alright. Okay. Okay, let's get her started here, boys. You wanna get her started now or do you wanna wait a few minutes? The sound signals the official start of the podcast. All right, what's going on, you fuckers?

This is the official Trailer Prep Boys pod cash. It's coming at you right now. Feeling pretty good. Still don't tell you what number it is, huh? I'm not sure this time. 81. Nope. Nope.

82. Nope. 83. Nope. 84, 85. Nope. 86. Nope.

90. Nope. It's like the fucking Price is Right game. The guy with that dude. All right, what is it, 79? 91. 91. Are you it, 79? 91. 91? Are you fucking kidding me?

Wow. 79. I thought for sure it was 82. Or 81. Man, you are fucked today. I am fucked. I'm actually more fucked than I thought I was. Awesome, Rick.

Thanks. How baked are you guys? 10. 10 plus. You're a 10 out of ten baked? Yes. I'm about a five. Five? Like, I don't understand that, man.

How is that possible? Like, you're so used to it or something, like, you don't get high anymore. Ricky's got three lungs. Ricky's got three lungs. He's got a third lung just for weed. He's a weed hybrid. My lungs are like a smoke athlete.

I've been training in smoke since they were six. They know how to work with the smoke. Smoke athlete. He's a smoke athlete. I am not a smoke athlete. You're a lecker athlete. I am a lecker athlete. Nice, man.

Well, we should start off with me talking about how fucking pissed off I am about all of this. About what? All of this is shit. What is? This whole fucking podcast shit is shit. It is kind of shit. Same fucking shitty chips every fucking week. Yeah.

The beer's okay. Beer's good. I got to bring my own fucking buzz on. That's nice. I remember, you know, a long time ago, we used to have a little bit more of a party. Better foods. Well, let's fix it then, Richard.

More fun. Better shit to talk about. I have nothing to talk about today because I don't even give a fuck anymore. Well, we've got to change that then. Yes, we need to fucking change it up. We're all fucking done. Ricky, you need to turn that brown upside down. I'm sorry. I got a little fucking snappy there.

But I'm fucking frustrated out. What would you like to see happen, Ricky? I just want to have more fun. I want to have better types of snacks. Yes, okay, so you tell me what would be fun for you. Maybe a better selection of drinks, although beer is great. What would you like to be able to do, Ricky? Vodka and the shitty orange stuff's not bad. What do you want to do? What do you want to talk about?

I don't know. I just seem, I think I had more fun before. I can't remember, man. I've never liked doing these fucking things. I think I smoked that asshole weed. Actually, no, I've had some fun times doing this. Yeah, okay. This is all right.

I've got a good buzz on it. All right, are we done? You know what it is? You know what the problem is, Ricky? What? I think it's from that court thing I showed you. You're all fired up. I am a little fired up.

The court transcript, did you see it? No, what are you guys talking about? There's a court transcript from this guy named Fenton Allen, I think his name is. Fenton Allen. And he gets into it. It happened last year. You start freaking out, and things start fucking happening here.

Now I've got shit to talk about. He's this guy. He's in court, and he gets into it with the judge. It happened in Georgia, wasn't it? In Georgia. It happened last year, and the fucking him and the judge get into it, and then there's a cartoon somebody just made of it recently.

They took the transcription. What the fuck is going on? My nose is running. Fuckin' hell. Get a clean-up, man. Fuck, man. Snot running down my... You got any paper towel or anything, man? Snot? No. Sure, you can wipe it on my curtain.

That's how you spread your germs, man. Well, I got a cold. I can't help it. Use a fuckin' towel or something. There you go. Fuck, man. Roll a clean-up. We Use a fucking towel or something. There you go. Fuck that. Roll a Kleenex. We're all gonna be sick now.

You know what you do when your nose is running? You just build a little U-shaped plug. Like that. Are you serious, man? Like that. And like that. Yeah, that looks great. You look like one of those bulls with the ring in his nose.

Well, that stops him from running. That's for sure. You sound fucked, man. I don't sound fucked. He's doing something to your voice, man. It's freaking me out. You didn't finish telling the story with the...

This guy gets in with the... So this guy gets into the... Suck my cock this and... This guy gets into it with the judge, and holy fuck, they're telling each other to suck each other's cocks. What? They're telling each other to suck each other's cocks, and the judge is saying, fucking jack off for me then. What? The judge is saying, jump off the desk and fucking jack off for me,

and the guy's going, I'm going to fucking murder you. I'm going to jack off all over you. No, this did not happen. Man, your voice, that really fucked up your voice. There, she's fixed. All right, no, no, no, Bubs, get the fuck away. Look, I'll just hang it right there. No, no, no, no, no, man, no.

That is bad. Get the fucking, Bubs, I swear to fuck. It's not rag. Over the table. It's not rag. Gross, table. It's not rag. Gross, man. Yeah, so him and the judge, the judge is fucking getting right into it with him. The guy says, the judge says, you say one more thing,

and I'm putting you in jail for 20 days for contempt of court. And he goes, suck my dick. He goes, 20 days. Say one more thing. Suck my dick. 40 days. Say one more. Suck my dick. 60 days. Go fuck yourself. Go fuck yourself, he says. The judge goes, 20 days, say one more thing, sock my dick. 40 days, say one more, sock my dick.

60 days. Go fuck yourself. Go fuck yourself, he says. The judge goes, one year. He goes, sock my dick. 10 years, the judge gives him for contempt of court. 10 years. It's out of hand.

It got out of hand. The judge was fucking just... But he probably read my little thing I wrote about how to deal with judges. I was going to say, it sounds like something he would do. Because you get them... What thing you wrote. A little paper I wrote in jail and it got circulated around on the world pipe.

What was that? First thing you got to do is piss the judge off big time. Get under his fucking skin. Whether you tell him to suck your cock or fuck off or whatever. What's the logic there now, Ricky? Then he's off his game. He starts being...

He gets frustrated and he's like, he can't control himself. Just like this guy. And he starts saying shit he couldn't regret. Well, you might have a theory because this judge got like, barred or whatever for misconduct. And it was because the guy... The way it starts, the guy says,

I'm not... I want a new lawyer because this lawyer said he's only representing me if he lets me... if he can sock my bird. He claims that the lawyer said I'm only representing you if I can sock your bird. No way. And the judge is like, I don't believe that. And he's like, well, it happened. He didn't give me any of the shit I need.

He's not my lawyer. The judge says you can't pick your lawyer. You get a lawyer, but you don't get to pick which one and then it just goes into why you fuck suck my dick and then it just turns into a tirade of Vulgarity and the judge is just as bad as the other fella so the lawyer was basically looking for a blowjob and he was a hoarding to the Defendant that's greasy. So all he wanted, he wanted a new lawyer to go to court with,

and they wouldn't give it to him, so he started telling people to sock his dick, and it got out of hand. It sure did. It's fucked up, man. So maybe you have a theory there, Ricky, because the guy was able to get the judge banned. He got him barred.

I love it. Okay, so was there more to it? You get the judge all fired up, him barred. I love it. Okay, so is there more to it? You get the judge all fired up, and then what, what's step B? Just keep fucking saying shit and get under his skin until he fucking loses it, and then everything, you know, he can say, oh, you're in contempt of court

for 10 fucking years, but he can't do that, because he'll get pissed off. That's true, because this guy didn't get 10 years for it. He had freedom of speech. You should be able to tell a judge to suck your cock. If he is worthy of getting it told to. I mean, you might get a good judge.

Don't get under their skin. See, you know, they might get what the fuck's going on. You're just saying if you get an asshole, just come aboard him. Yeah, one of those cock-headed, fuck-faced judges. Come aboard him. Get under his skin. Piss him the fuck off. How do you get under their skin, Ricky?

What's the first thing you do? Usually go fuck yourself is a good icebreaker. Remember the time, I remember going to court one time, I remember you just kept going, sorry, I can't hear you, I can't hear you. And you got him yelling and screaming till he was beet red. Yeah, it's a good one.

It's a good one. And you're like, no, not hearing you, bud. And he can't prove it. He can't prove that you can't. Or that you can hear him. You can start talking in a different language. I did that once. He'd ask me questions, I'd be like,

but I need to go to the meeting. I remember that one too. He just found you guilty, man. I know. You got two months. I know, but Ricky had a good, you know, he claimed it was his right to answer in whatever language. the judge like does he does he fucking speak english or not he didn't say fucking but yeah and the lawyer dumbass said well he did he used to up until now he said

he was speaking english this morning i believe is what that's what who said that the lawyer ricky's lawyer said he was speaking English earlier today. Coincidentally, that lawyer actually asked me if I would do something to him. What? Steinberg? No, it wasn't Steinberg. What did he ask you? I don't want to get into it, but anyway.

No, no, no, no. You've got to tell us this shit, man. Bird stuff, though? A little bit of wiener work. Wiener work? What kind of wiener work? The lawyer asked you to of wiener work. Wiener work? What kind of wiener work? The lawyer asked you to do wiener work on him. Little bit.

And he said he would do some on me. Which was nice of him. At least it was a two-way thing, but. See, that's bullshit. You didn't do it, did you, Ricky? No. Think about it. I weighed out the options. Was it close?

No, it was never close, but I did weigh them out. All right, at least you weighed them out, man. You did a pros and cons chart? Yeah, there wasn't a lot of pros for me. I guess the biggest con right away is you have dick in your mouth. That's going to be at the top of the list there, I would think. All right, let's not get too into it. Okay. Yeah, that's pretty fucked up, bud.

That is. That is. All right. Here, we can get out of here. So things are getting better. They are? I don't know. Well, if somebody fucking handed me some shit, I don't know what it is. Okay, what do you got there now?

All right, good, man. As long as you're happy with that. Spiders could theoretically eat every human on Earth in a year. That's true. And that's okay by me. I don't even want to know. That's true. Fuck, that's a bit... What do you mean that's true?

There's so many fucking spiders on Earth that in theory, if they all ganged up and could communicate, they could eat every human on Earth in a year. Spiders could take over the fucking world. In one year? Yes. Why don't they? Well, because they're not evil, Ricky. They're not trying to dominate the world. But they could.

There's enough of them that if they knew how to gang up and get organized. So it's just a matter of time before one of them gets fucking born and he has the idea, starts telling all the others and we're done. Well, it's the telling all the others that the problem might be, Ricky. There's a movie we should make.

Well, they've made some spider movies. Spider-Man. Arachnophobia. Arachnophobia? That was a good one. What was that one? Scared the shit out of you. That was about Spires taking over.

Oh, fuck. So it's been done? It's been done. Yes, man. It's been done. It's been done. Kirsten Dunst. All right, do we got anything else to talk about here? Ricky's got some stuff. Big pile of paper.

Uh, there was a spit fight between two men that went viral. Oh, I saw that. They got each other by the fucking lapels, and they're just going... And then one guy starts, you know, a Superman punch where you jump up and come down? He Superman spit on him twice. He hacks up Big Lug, and he jumps straight up.

So this is my question here. Why didn't someone get hurt? Like, why didn't someone just, like, fuck, spitting's not doing anything. Because it was a spit fight. Yeah, but what is it, rules you can't punch in a spit fight? Yes. Randy had a spit fight. We said no punching, no kicking. You can't punch in a spit fight. Otherwise. Randy had a spit fight. We said no punching, no kicking.

You can't punch in a spit fight. Otherwise, it's not a spit fight. It's a fest fight. We should have said no grabbing, though, because he grabbed ahold of me, and it was like fucking this far from me and hawking awful Randy lures. Randy gets that...

Foam. Creamy foam in the corner of his mouth. Fucking gross. What is... There's all this... I've seen this before. It says, goes viral. What does that mean? all this, I've seen this before, it says, goes viral. What does that mean?

Like it turns into a sickness? No, Ricky, it gets put on the internet, and then it just goes, go viral means that everybody's watching it. Like, people are watching it and downloading it like crazy. I thought a viral was a sickness. It is, but it just, it's a term to describe how it spreads, like a virus spreads, so the video just spreads quickly to everywhere. Okay, that makes a

bit of sense. Get it? Because yeah, you couldn't really say two men goes sickness. No. Nobody know what the fuck you're talking about. Viral means the video spreads really quick. Is that a good thing? It is if you own the video. That's right. So me and Randy could have fucking gone to the bar. Oh, absolutely. Big time. Fuck. We should stage a spit fight with you guys

and I'll film it. I bet you that will go viral. Especially if it ended with you naming him in the bars. I think we're too old. Can you make any money off these things? Yes, viral videos. Some people make their whole living. I'll go spit the shit out of Randy right now

if you think it'll make me money. Some people make their whole living just shooting videos that are trying to get them viral. It's a whole thing, Julian.

You know Psy? Do you know who Psy is? No. Psy? Whoop-a-m-dang-um-star. Whoop-a-m-dang-um-star! Whoop-pum-dangum-star! You know him? Yeah, man.

He made like fucking $10 million or something. Are you okay? Whoop-pum-dangum-star! See, I'm having fun again. Thanks, guys. I'm just showing them. I mean, I'll do old side hits. Let's get some viral videos going. Let's make a ton of them. We can do all kinds of weird shit.

We could be trying to make viral videos. I've been telling you guys that for years. What if I burnt their trailer down? That would go viral. That would probably go viral, Ricky, but you're going to get charged, too, because the police are going to see it. That's right. Fuck.

You know, that's arson. Did you see what the fucking people in China are doing? No. They're gonna get charged too, because the police are gonna see you. Ah, fuck, that's right. Fuck. You know, that's arson. Did you see what the fucking people in China are doing? No. They're scam artists, Ricky, and now everybody's using dash cams because they need to, because you're just driving along in China, and you're just barely moving.

Somebody will run at your car, dive onto the windshield, fucking smash their head off the windshield until they break it, and then they'll roll on the ground, go, oh, fuck, he hit me with his car. Give me a million dollars, please. Fucking little bastards. See, that's greasy.

That's like... But if you... Those videos are going viral, too. And people are using dash cams, right, to capture it. And then people are saying, I'm going to take you to court. And they're like, really? You're going to take me to court? Here, have a look at this, you fucking dumbass.

I hate all these fucking little cameras and dash cams and body cams and ass cams and nose cams. It's fucked. Ops skirts and all those. It's just, it's almost impossible to fucking break the law anymore. It's bullshit. I know.

It is bullshit. You should, I'll send you the one, there's one video, maybe we'll play it. Guy comes running at the car, car's almost stopped, he dives on the windshield, and he doesn't, you know, it doesn't look like he got hurt. So he starts smashing his head on it until he breaks it, then he rolls on the ground like, oh fuck, you hit me. Good thing they did have a dash cam, I guess. Not so good for the guy.

Well, that's, fuck yeah. That's the point. It just makes him look like a dick. So there's no point of us trying that scam, I guess. Well, you could, you know, I mean, if it's somebody like Donnie or something, you know he's not going to have a dash cam. I mean, you've got to pick your car. Don't jump on George Green's car.

Probably has a dash cam. People that invent the dash cam are kind of dumb anyway. Why? I mean, because it's looking out the dash. What about when you're in a fucking parking lot and someone like me comes along, and I approach from the ass end, smash the window? Like, it should flip around while you're parked.

Well, it's more for driving, Ricky. Yeah. That's a good idea, though around while you're parked. Well, it's more for driving, Ricky. Yeah. That's a good idea though when you're parked. Or maybe, yeah, two cameras. Beep, beep. Or two cameras. Two cameras would solve that.

One pointing this way, one pointing that way. Yeah, see that's even better. Fuck, yeah, you're smarter than me. It sucks. Well, don't get down, Ricky. It was still a good idea. No, it wasn't. It was dumb. You know how the camera guys, they put cameras all over your car.

You could just leave them there. Fuck, I'm stupid sometimes. I mean, I'm not a stupid person in general. I think I'm quite smartly, but sometimes I feel like I'm stupid. No, you're not. You feel like you're stupid a lot of times, man, but it's okay. You're not stupid, Mickey. You're not that stupid.

You're just, your brain is clogged with a lot of resin. There's a lot of years of bong hits and joints and oils and different types of, you know, things that you just pound into your brain day after day. you know, things that you just pound into your brain day after day. Like, if I could pop your head off, I bet you we could scrape enough out to make easily 50 or 60 oil joints just from the residue. More than that, man, more than that. Around your brain, Tad.

Five or 600 oil joints. There'd be a lot of oil up there. There would be a lot of oil. Your brain is probably a lot of oil. So if you found some... Your brain is probably suspended in honey oil. I wonder if anybody ever... Like, can you get that stuff out of people? After they died or whatever, maybe?

I don't know, Ricky. I wouldn't want to smoke the oil resin in your brain when you're dead, man. Imagine smoking Ricky's brain resin. Not a chance. No, but some of those hippies back in the fucking 70s, they might have some great brain oil. Cheech and Chong. Yeah.

Imagine getting all of their brains. Wow, this got weird. But I mean Cheech's, Chong's brain, you could probably just put papers all over it, right? Make a paper mache oil thing out of it and then just peel them off as you need them. Who would do that? We should see if he'd donate his brain to science.

Well, even if he would, Ricky, you're not going to be able to play around with it. You're not a scientist. But you imagine having paper stuck all to it and just having it in your living room as a conversation piece, and then whenever you want to roll a joint, you just peel an oil paper off Chong's brain. Just keep them in the fridge or the freezer? I think you'd just keep it out in the...

Well, yeah, you couldn't keep it in the living room, could you? It'd be covered in flies and maggots and... Yeah, that's true. It would stink. You might be able to convince him that you were a scientist or a dopo-sist. Do-po-sist? Rex, when you die, can we have your brain? What would you do with it?

I'd just like to look at it. I'd like to go through it. Study it. Yeah, you can have my brain, bubs. Stick diodes, you know, little things. Put some electricity to it, see what it does. I'll draw up a little contract right now. All right.

Decent. Rex is going to give me his brain. Why? Just don't do anything, don't do anything weird to it. No, no, I won't do anything. What would I do weird to it, Ricky? Like what, bang it? I'm not gonna cut a hole in it and bang it.

That'd be weird, wouldn't it? There's people out there that would do that though, Bobs. Mm-hmm. That's why I can hate to say. Brain fuckers. Brain fuckers. It's a whole underground community. I've heard of them.

They dig up people, fresh bodies in the graveyard. That's where the term fuck your brains out came from. No, it isn't. It is. What, they drill a hole into the head? They cut the top off, they pop the brain out, and then they put a nice hole in the back of it. A nice hole.

Take good care of it, buddy. What are you saying, a nice hole? That doesn't sound good. No, I mean... Don't tell me you're thinking about doing something. I'm not. Whacked out like that. My brain, when dead, go to bubbles, Ricky.

You better say, and he can't bang it. I didn't like the nice he just threw in there, man. He cannot bang my brain. Well, just wait. It's already signed. Here. Would you put that in the Bracklet? No, I didn't witness it yet. You can put that in Bracklets, Ricky. No banging. My nose is starting to run again.

Oh, fuck. Get the fuck away from me, man. What? I'm just leaning over. I will hack you. All right. New and improved contract. My brain, when dead, go to bubbles. No sexy stuff.

Ricky. Let's go. I'll sign it. Look at that. That is a legal contract. You witness it, Julian. Witnessed by Julian. There we go.

I see you put a little extra fire in there. Look at that. see, put a little accent on it. Look at that. You should see if you could tweak it. I own Ricky's brain. No, you can't tweak it now that it's written up, man. No, the brain. Tweak it. Like take what I have and make it better somehow,

and then you could do it to other people. Maybe I could pop it in. Change the world. Change the world with my brain, Bubbles. Imagine getting Corey and Jacob's brain. No. I bet you they're only about that big. Jesus Christ. I bet you Jacob's brain's no bigger than a grapefruit.

Wow. Yeah, I'd say that. Speaking of Jacob's brain and doing dumb things, this guy says he pulled, what does it say? Man pulls seven cars with rope tied around his testicles. Seven? How would they not rip off? He must have been building up the muscles in them.

His name is Yee Wee. He dragged seven cars with a rope tied to his testicles. There's a picture of him. They can probably put the better picture up. Look, he's got seven, looks like... He had a yee-wee, so he's showing off his balls, I guess. How can he do that? That hasn't stopped martial arts expert yee-wee

trying to achieve the impossible by channeling the strength of his nutsack. To prove how strong it really is, the Tai Chi master pulled seven cars with his testicles last week to the amazement of the crowd that had gathered to watch him in his hometown of Zibo City in China.

Wow. Seven hotties have a combined weight of 12.6 tons. Did you say seven hotties? Otties. Otties. Otties. Otties. Not heavy enough to stop Yie and his wiener. Yee has been practicing his own brand of martial arts that focuses on inner strength, energy

from his spine as well as his testicles which he charmingly calls his outer kidneys. Man, that's fucked up. That is really fucked. He must have started working out his balls when he was like four. But how do you work out your balls? What, they're stretching them? What are you doing? It's just in your mind.

I can move mine right now. They're going around. What? Doing laps. What? You got your balls doing laps? Yeah. Show me.

No, you... Show us. No, not us. No, this is scientific. This is not factual. Okay, take a look. This is not factual. I don't know if it builds up their muscles or not, but... What do you mean you got them moving?

I can control my balls without touching them. Where can you make them go? Just around in their home. What, they're in there doing flips? I think. That's what it feels like. Like the hot dog in the drive-in. Now everybody that has a set of knots,

they're trying to do it right now, I guarantee you, watching this. I can't move my arms. It takes practice, but when you're in jail and you got months of time on your hands, you learn how to do different things with your body. That's what you do, is it? Figure out how to make your knots do flips?

I used to be able to make my ears twinkle, or not twinkle, what do you call it when you move? Yeah. Twitch. Twitch. Or twinkle. If you could make them twinkle, that would be a trick, because that's your...

And I could make my nose move like that. Capturing light refraction with your mind. That witch show. What was the witch show? Bewitched. Bewitched. Yeah, bewitched. I could make my nose go. I can't do it anymore.

When? When could you do that? Pretty sure when I was a young kid. What's that? It's my nose twitching. It's not moving, man. Yes, it is. It's running, though.

It's running. Jesus, I got a bad cold. Fuck. You know what? May 5th is the day. May 5th is the day. May 5th is the day. May 5th is the day.

May 5th is the day. May 5th is the day. May 5th is the day. May 5th is the day. May 5th is the day. May 5th is Jesus, I got a bad cold. Fuck. Uh, we don't, you know what, May 5th is not a very exciting day. No? It's not very that bad. Not a lot of people got born. Karl Marx.

Karl Marx. The father of modern... Michael Palin. He's a pretty funny guy. Michael Palin. Fucking nice, he's awesome. Happy birthday Michael Palin. That's awesome. That's a picture of him. Look, I guess he was dressed up as a woman there. That guy. Michael Palin. He's awesome. Happy birthday, Michael Palin. That's awesome.

That's a picture of him. I guess he was dressed up as a woman there. That's not Michael Palin. Oh. That's Tammy Wynette. Oh. The name's above it, Ricky. Ah, fuck.

Okay. That's Tammy Wynette. He's probably on the next page, Ricky. Watch this. Ah, there he is. Michael Palin. There you go. He was a funny, funny man.

He still is a funny, funny man. Well, that's what I meant. Yes. One of the original a funny, funny man. He still is a funny, funny man. Well, that's what I meant, yes. One of the original pythons. Fish Called Wanda, great in that movie. He was a python, therefore he is- A god. I was upset when that other fellow ate his fish.

Yes, Kevin Klon. What was the fish's name again? Wanda. It was Wanda, Ricky. The fish called Wanda. Oh. I thought she was called Wanda, the woman. Wanda woman. The Wanda woman.

Wanda was the fish, Ricky. A fish called Wanda. I thought it was a play on words though, and the girl was a fish, like she was a catch. Then her name was Wanda. I forget. Maybe she was Wanda. I can't

remember it was great god damn it my favorite part do you remember when he's in the he's in the place there he's going to do some banging that was John Cleese though not Michael Palin yeah and he's all naked and he's dancing around singing to her and then he turns around and the family come home from the place that he had yeah that was that was a good part. They're all standing there, and he just grabs their pitcher to cover his wiener, and it's their family pitcher. Yeah, that was pretty funny. I was on out there for a second.

So did I. I didn't listen to anything you said there. You guys are getting higher. I think so. Good. All right. Gonna get you higher. You know what? I'm gonna right. Gonna get you higher. You know what?

I'm gonna start. Gonna get you higher. Maybe if I start off every podcast pissed off, it'll get better. I had funner today. More funner. Funner. Whatever the fuck it is. Fuck.

More fun. Right. Yes or no answer. For a free car, would you kiss her for four 50 hours? Straight. What? What was what? For a free car, would you kiss it for 50 hours?

Kiss the car or kiss who? The car. Your lips are on the car for 50 hours. Fuck yes. You couldn't do that. So you don't get to eat? Uh, you get 10minute break every hour. Done.

Done? I could do it. I think I could do it. Well, it depends on what the car is. Is it an old shit box? No, it's a brand new, like a brand new... Is it a lamb ball? No, it's like a Kia.

Oh, fuck that. A sedan. Do you have to use tongue and shit or just... Yeah, you can do whatever you want, man. Simple lip kiss. Simple lip kiss. Do you prefer to make out with it, Ricky? Do you have to and shit or just? Yeah, you can do whatever you want, man. Simple lip kiss. Simple lip kiss. What would you guys prefer to make out with it, Ricky? Do you have to wear a diaper or can you go to the facilities?

No, no, no. You get a 10-minute break every hour. So it seems fairly easy. No, you can't fucking sleep. You can't sleep. I'd be perfect for this job. Okay, we're going to Texas this year. There's a little contest down there.

I'm going to get it geared up. What's it called? Kiss the car? Kiss a Kia. I'm gonna put on a Kissin' the Kia clinic. Okay, this is about a $20,000 car, I'd say, maybe $21,000. Maybe that'll go viral. Divided by three, seven grand each. Minus expenses.

Why do you get money if he kisses the car every hour? Because I'm gonna organize it. Do all the paperwork. Well, then I get some. That's what I said, 21 divided by three. Seven the paperwork. Well, then I get some. That's what I said. 21 divided by 3. 7 grand each. Okay, then we're the organizers, and Ricky's the participant.

It's happening. You better sort it, though, and make sure it's not a trick. You get there, and all of a sudden, it's not a Kia car. There's a big Japanese fella named Kia, and you've got to kiss his wiener. You've been talking about wieners an awful lot today, man. Why is my nose running out? You gave me the fucking nose run. Ricky, you can't happen that quick. Fuck's sakes.

Well, that's it, okay. I'm gonna start practicing today. Just practice today. I'm gonna get this going. Can I make out with your car, Julian? Not my car. Mine's dirty. Ricky, you don't need to make out with it. You just? Not my car. Mine's dirty. Rick, you don't need to make out with it.

You just put your lips on it. No, no, I'm gonna put on a fucking show. If I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna do it right. You can practice on my car, but... The car is a woman. It has to come out of the... Beautiful, beautiful woman. Oh, God, Rick, you don't start banging cars.

Perfect bodies. People do that. People have been caught banging their cars. This is legit. It was on Fox News, so that's happening. Oh, yeah, nothing is legit. It's Fox News, baby. That would be a better contest, banging the car for 50 hours. It wouldn't be... It would be more of an R-rated, I guess. Do you think?

Do you think? Do you think? Is there more than one participant? Is it like a threesome? That's a scene hour cooking with something. And then are you fighting over what parts you get? I want the muffler. I want the gas cop tank. Hmm.

Gas tank. Ricky, the opening's only that big. He could, I don't know, well, I'm going to put a bigger opening then. Jesus, Murphy. All right. Done. You're going to make it with your car, Julian. All right, I have to come supervise this.

Leaving, are you, bud? Well, look, he's burning the snotty fucking cleaner. Don't let that kid get to you. What's this? Leaving or are you back? Well, look, he's burning a snotty fucking Kleenex. Don't let that get out of hand. What is that? It's a snotty Kleenex. Wreck it.