Trailer Park Boys Presents: Park After Dark - Episode 94 - A Good Day to Be Bornt

Episode Date: May 24, 2017

It turns out, a lot of DECENT people were bornt on May 26h! The Boys chat about celebrity birthdays, Budd Hist (the man who set himself on fire), and champagne colonics. PLUS: Why is Ricky so annoyed at Disney? Episode 94 is brought to you by the Official Trailer Park Boys Store and the Boys' own Freedom 35 lager, now available across British Columbia, Nova Scotia, Newfoundland, Manitoba, Ontario and Alberta!  

All right. I love the May 2-4 weekend. Yep. Smell. Lot of sucking and fucking going on, what is it bud? Fuck off man, it's just- All right, let's get this going. Good, long weekend. Let's do it, Ricky, why are you in?

You had a fucking great introduction not long ago. Did I? Yeah, it was really good. Way better than Julian. One fuck up. It's way better than mine. Hi there, welcome to the official Trailer Park Boys podcast. This is podcast number 94, coming at you on May 26th, 2017. Present at the current moment is myself, Buggles, my best friend Ricky, and my second best friend. Second best friend.

Slightly less good of a friend, Julian. Yeah. I'm just teasing you. Just teasing youlightly less good of a friend. Julian. Yeah. Okay. I'm just teasing you. Just teasing you. Okay. In his podcast. Equal best friend.

Guys, this is what makes our podcast different from others. This is a pod-cash. Tell me I'm not fucking alone here. Still being hung over from the goddamn May 2-4 weekend. Holy fuck. That's a rough one, man. It is a rough one. It was more like a May 72-er.

Yeah, so what's going on? There's a lot of drinking outside, man. You said tell me if I'm what? Am I the only one still hungover? No, Ricky. I'm feeling pretty fucked up. Good. And I got a zillion mosquito bites

because they were fucking up. You can't have a zillion anythings on you. What do you mean? You couldn't have a zillion anythings on you. What do you mean? You couldn't have a zillion anything on you. How do you know that? You couldn't fit a zillion mosquito bites on your body. Are you kidding me?

Do you know how much a zillion is? It's a lot, but I never really thought of it, man. Is it more than a billion? You couldn't fit a trillion mosquito bites on your body. What if I hopped in this tank and there's a zillion fucking mosquitoes? You wouldn't fit a zillion mosquitoes in a tank. I bet there's not a zillion on Earth. Really?

Okay. What kind of a tank? A tank that would fit a zillion mosquitoes and meat. An army tank? No, a tank. A big fucking tank. Container. A container.

Yeah. That fits a zillion mosquitoes. Yeah, and I got bit a zillion times. I got bit. You couldn't get bit a zillion times. I did get bit on the fucking bare ass, though. You couldn't put a zillion mosquito bite holes. No, they're not going to stay there.

They're going to bite and take off. No, but they're going to leave a mark, a hole. If you got bit a zillion times, you would combust into a black hole. You would just vaporize. All right, okay. You'd have no blood left. All right. Definitely have no blood left.

Okay, I'm not thinking about a zillion. Okay, a zillion. So how many pores do we have, do you think, on the human body? Not a zillion. I would say... How many do you think we have? Probably... Several hundred?

Oh, come on. Now you're being a dick. No, you've got a lot, but nowhere near a zillion. I'd say 150,000. Did you shit yourself, Bucky? No. Somebody did. But I'll keep you posted, because I could at any moment.

Great. There's a horrific smell happening. I am venting a little. Is that you? It's not me, but there's a terrific smell that is you bubs you got something festering in your butt no i don't it's rancid whatever it is i cleaned out the pipes oh my god speaking of cleaning out your pipes you got an eel up there no i didn't clean it that way but that guy did what's wrong with that guy? Did you see this one?

This is awesome. Well, I don't know if it's awesome. Man has eel removed from anus after inserting for sexual kicks. Why? So give me the details, Ricky. Did you read the article? No, and it's really small. The eel?

No, the words. This story might make you feel a little unwell, but imagine how uncomfortable it must be for the guy on the operating table. He got an eel stuck in his backside as a result of a prank

gone wrong. What kind of a prank is that? And it was for sexual fucking kicks, right? Oh, initially it was believed the eel may have been inserted for sexual kicks, but that doesn't seem to be the case. His friends allegedly inserted the Asian swamp eel into his backside, but then it swam into his body and disappeared. Oh, man. Oh, my God.

His body's jamming up his arse? Yeah. Oh, that's a whole different level right there. All right, so did he get paid money to do this? No, he was asleep. Watch this, guys. He was asleep. Oh, and they put it in him. And his body's jammed it in there without him knowing. And then it fucking killed you guys. And then it just went,

see ya, I'm heading up. Nice I would have been there without them knowing. I would have fucking killed you guys. And then it just went... See ya. I'm heading out. Nice friends, man. I would never think of doing something like that to you guys. And the eel was still alive. It was still twitching. So it's good that they saved the eel. No.

The poor eel now has mental trauma. Maybe he liked it. I think eels like living in caves, don't they? He probably liked it, but... It's not a cave, Ricky. It's a form of a cave. It has an opening, and you can go in it. That's basically a cave. You can't go in it.

The eel did. So it's an eel cave, then, is it? In this case, it was. Luckily, it wasn't a big moray. What's a moray? What's a moray? No, a moray eel. Fucking things about that big around. He's got big fucking jaws on it.

You'll never fucking be able to do that. That would be a really bad prank. There was a guy who put a mason jar up his arse. What? A mason jar? And it's on the YouTuber. So you've watched this? No, I did not watch it.

Bullshit, you didn't. I heard about it. You're fucking, you're a little weird, man. There was a guy put a mason jar up his arse and it broke. And you watched it, you fucking thing. It broke. It broke. And then what happened?

It wasn't good, Ricky. You can imagine what happened. Was there any, was it cut? Yes, it was cut. It was pouring blood. Fuck. Jesus. Pouring blood. So what did this, was he like, ah, look at it, it was cut. It was pouring blood. Fuck. Jesus. Pouring blood.

So what did this, was he like, ah, look at it, I did it. I didn't watch it. I don't know. I just heard the tail. You watched it. Come on. Pull it up. I heard the tail.

Pull it up. You pull it up. No, pull it up. I'm not fucking throwing that on here, man. All right, I'll pull it up. I'll see if it's here. No, man. I can't do it's here. No, man. I can't do it.

Do it. Just type in how to put a mason jar in my own anus. Anything cool happen on May 26th? Let's find out. That'll be on his Google search forever. No, I'm not doing it. I hear you. The FBI.

I'll see you, man. Better keep an eye on him. He's putting mason jars up his arse. No, not going there. The Golden Bridge opened. Golden Gate Bridge? Yep. 1937.

Jesus, that's an old bridge. First successful helicopter flight, 1940. Really? Wow. This is a big day. It's all interesting stuff. Yeah. Real good, Ricky, real good.

Bud Hist sets himself on fire. I don't know what that's all about. Well, that's a Buddhist. Oh. Not Bud Hissed. U.S. Consulate. Yeah, I know that one. That was bad.

Yeah, did you ever see that footage? He fucking ignites himself. I don't want to see it. He doesn't even flinch. He doesn't even flinch. He doesn't even flinch. He just sits there on fire, and then he just tips over. Jesus. Once he was cooked, he just kind of fell over.

He's like, yeah, I'm ready. Turn me over. For a man that's been on fire many times, that must have sucked. Because, man, fire is hot. No, he was on fire more than you've ever been on fire, Ricky. He was fully ignited. Inferno. You know when you roast marshmallows over the fire, one catches on fire more than you've ever been on fire, Ricky. He was fully ignited. Inferno. You know when you roast marshmallows over the fire and one catches on fire? That was dude.

He was like that. Bud Hist. God. Jimmy Hist's cousin. Fuck. Gross. Suck. That would be horrible.

Oh, some astronauts returned to Earth this day in 1969. Who returned, bud? Which ones? Just his astronauts. You think they could have been more fucking specific? March 26th, May 26th, 19 what? 69.

Bet you that was, bet you that was Gordo Cooper or Gus Grissom. What the fuck does this mean? Maybe. Also in 69, John Lennon

and Yoko... Oh, 69, it wouldn't be those guys. What? John Lennon and Yoko... Oh, 69, it wouldn't be those guys. What? John Lennon and Yoko Ono begin their second bed-in for peace. Yeah. What the fuck does that mean, bed-in?

What hotel, bubs? 1969. The hotel? Probably in Montreal. It was! Yeah, man! You fucking know what about the Beatles, buddy. And it's Yoko Ono, not Wano.

That's what I thought it meant. Yoko Ono. 1973 Beatles. Heaven album that went number one. Which one was it? 1967, 1970 album goes number one. 1973. Yeah, the red album.

I don't know. It doesn't say it. It was blue. They put out the greatest hits and it went number one. Who gives a fuck? Greatest hits records. Fuck it. Yeah, that's pretty much it.

That's all you got, Ricky? Well, let's fucking see who got born on this fucking fine sunny day. John Wayne. You ever heard of him? Cool. Yeah, the Duke. Dummy. The Duke.

Don't fucking call me dummy. Don't call names. It's bullying. It fucking makes me sad. John Wayne, yeah, he was a bit of a... Jay Silverheels. Jay Sil... Really? Yeah. You know who that is?

I know who that is. Jay Silverheels. Tonto. No fucking way. Yeah. The Tont. He's Canadian. Six Nations on the Grand River First Nation. Tart was?

Yeah. I didn't know that. Ontario, Canada. Twelve years younger than the Duke. Tart was from Grand River. Six Nations. Goddamn right he was. That's decent.

That's pretty fucking cool. That's decent. He was very famous. Steve Nix. Or, sorry, Stevie Nix. Stevie Nix, yeah. She's pretty awesome. She's born on what year?

48. Born in Phoenix. Stevie's getting up there. I wonder if she's still on the rails. Big time. What rails? The fucking scoops. She's big into the scoops, Anna.

Wouldn't she have some blown scoops up her ass at one point? Yeah, that was in the 70s, old Ricky, or the 80s. That's crazy shit. I don't think she's still a pop. Fuck, a lot of people got born today. Hank Williams, Jr.? Why did all these people get chosen to fucking get born on this day? Just a sec, Rick. Before you name the first one.

First what? 1951, Bob's first American astronaut. Female. What's her name? Born in 1951. Bob's first American astronaut. Female. What's her name? Born in 1951. Oh, I was going to say there's no way she went to space in 1951. First American woman to go to space. Come on, man.

Jesus, I should know that. Really easy fucking name. Is that Peggy? No. She has a sexual last name. Sexual last name. Oh, Sally, for fuck's sake. Sally who?

Sexual last name. Sally. Sally Jessie Raphael. Oh, I got it. Sally Ride. Sally Ride. Okay. Ride, Sally Ride.

See? She's got a doing on it, too. All you want to do is ride around. Bobcat Goldthwait. ride around Bobcat Goldthwait Yeah, Bobcat Goldthwait Doing an immer What is it? Imitation?

Huh? Or how do you know? You pretend you're him What's that called? Oh, I can't Impersonation His voice is fucked Impersonation

I was going to do Sam Kenison. That's who I was thinking in my head at first. Remember Sam Kenison? Yeah. He was great. He could fucking scream better than anybody on the planet. Yeah, he was a great guy. Lenny Kravitz.

Man, there's a lot of people who got born today. A lot of people. Matt Stone. Mr. Cab Driver. Matt Stone. Fuck yeah. From South Park. Yep.

Born 1971. Decent. And Lauren fucking Hill. Lauren Hill. What a crazy day for fucking born things. Big day. A lot of famous people. So maybe if you're born on May 26th, you're just fucking talented and hot and everything's going to be good for you.

Who are you talking about? Matt Stone? All the babies that got born today, you did fucking good. Well, Ricky, there's hundreds, millions of other people born on this day that ended up fucking crack addicts and stuff, too. Don't forget. Yeah, but they could have been these people because they were all born on the same day. No, I'm just saying not everybody born on May 26th became a success.

Like the Duke. He was for success. The Duke. The Duke, yeah. Not everybody turned out like the Duke. No, I mean... The people that was born on that day. Not everybody, that's what I'm saying.

A lot of people wound up in jail. A lot of May 26 crack babies. I forgot about this. I remember in 93 on this day, Carlos Martinez hits a ball off Jose Canseco's head for a home run. Yeah, that was fucked. That was awesome. I don't remember that.

Fucking hit him right on the head and bounced out of the park. I was using his head, eh, bubs? Ah! See? I knew he'd park. I was using his head, eh, bubs? Ah! See? I knew he would laugh. I knew he'd laugh. Julian's got the jokes today. Frankie, that was a terrible joke.

Oh, was it? It's using his head, man. It's using his head, man. Boing. Come on. If you sat down, you would have been pissing yourself. That's fucking hilarious. You would have been pissing yourself laughing. That's hilarious. Come on. You want to hear a you would have been pissing yourself. That's fucking hilarious. You would have been pissing yourself laughing.

That's hilarious. Come on. You want to hear a joke? Let's hear a joke. I fart, you choke. See, that was stupid. You want to hear another? That was stupid.

You want to hear another? Sure. I fart, you smother. That's a fuck. That's a fucking joke. That is fucked. All right. I got to show you guys something that's a fucking joke. It's fair. All right. I got to show you guys something that's pretty fucked up.

Boys. Don't fucking. Father and son recreate old family photo. Like, this is the most fucked up thing. Oh, I've seen hundreds of these. No, man. Like that? What is wrong with that fucking dad?

Why would he do that? He's a Murphy. Why the fuck would he do that? Jesus, Murphy. Why the fuck would he do it? I can't see it. Show it to him. It's a bit of a weirdo. Very creepy, but very funny. I guess Chipper can fucking throw it off.

You have a very, very unique relationship with your dad when you can spread eagle on his chest. No problem, Dad. I think it's a great idea. I mean, I get this one. Yeah. Well, Ricky, he's a baby there. And then they, this is normal because he's a baby. Yeah.

And they recreated it. I'd say, what, 25? How old do you think the kid is now? Well, I'd say he's. He's not a baby anymore. No, I'd say he's a full-grown adult. I'd say he's bigger than his dad. And he's'd say he's a full-grown adult. He's bigger than his dad. And he's riding his dad a bit there.

Isn't there laws against that? Yeah, there is. Yeah, this guy, maybe you should go to jail, but it's funny. Like, it is funny. You look at that, you laugh. I don't know if you laugh or you... Because it's so fucked. It is fucked.

I've seen lots of those ones, though, where people recreate it. I think they're hilarious, but I've never seen a naked one in the tub with two dudes. How did you feel when you saw it? Yeah. I laughed, obviously. But I don't know why Julian... Would you do that if your dad was around and wanted to do that? Would you do it with him?

No, I wouldn't. Okay. Because I wouldn't. Okay. Because I don't have a picture to match, therefore I would be just doing it for the first time, which would be extra weird. That'd be very weird. You could wear a bathing suit. I'm wondering how you found that.

Were you Googling naked guys in a tub together? I didn't. No, I didn't. Two naked guys in the tub straddling each other. Fuck you, gloves. Google. Yeah, real funny. Yeah, it was real funny.

That's all you guys got, eh? No, no, there's a new thing coming out now. Those people that like tattoos, tattoos are cool. You can now tattoo like a sound wave on you, and then there's an app that you can play the tune tattoo, like, a sound wave on you, and then there's an app that you can play the tune. It's like a sound wave scanner. Decent. Isn't that fucking decent?

I don't know. Is it? Yes, Ricky, because you can tattoo the sound wave of fuck you on your arm. Exactly. Go fuck yourself. Go fuck yourself. And people come up with the app. Oh, what's that say, Grant?

Go fuck yourself. I like it. They're doing it,, yeah, well, what's that say, Grant? Go fuck yourself. I like it. They're doing it, man. I'll get one. Let's do it today. Well, it's kind of, you gotta, I mean, these guys are in California, man. I don't think it's, like, here now. Ricky, you could get something tattooed, you know.

What, on his, on his unit? You could, if you wanted to. On his unit, a bird tattoo. You could. Why are you thinking about his, like, take a long one? Take a long sock. You can get that tattooed right there. I could get a whole song put on mine.

Four-minute song. Yeah, they're saying each minute is about an inch of skin. So, all right, you can get a four-minute song on there. Maybe. You can't put... One inch is like... One inch is not going to be a minute. So you've got a four-incher?

You're a four-incher. No. You've got a complete song. Nice going, folks. There's no way you can put a minute of audio in an inch. That's what they're saying. Look, it's all tightly... No.

Bullshit. Well, no, you've got a whole song under bridge. Bullshit, because the accuracy you would need for that to scan the music, it's not going to be that detailed, and you know what you're going to end up with? A big fucking glob of sound. I'm not a tattoo artist, but one inch of skin. It's going to sound like when Steve Austin was going into the sand squam

to his fucking den. Okay. You had that sound. That's all you're going to hear. The sound of that eel going in its cave. Oh, Jesus. Huh? Ken, I can't even think about that, man. That's what a horrible thing to happen.

I hope it was at least clean. What, the eel? Or the cave? I hope the guy, you know, used the bathroom recently before the eel went in there. Ricky. It's before you hit a fucking dam, a shit dam.

That would suck. You'd probably just swim right through it, man. Well, it went up inside the guy's stomach and shit, right? Nobody said it made it to his stomach. You said it was inside his body, like up, like it's in there. It disappeared into his body somewhere. It disappeared doesn't mean it went. You know how many feet your intestines are?

I don't think the thing swam 28 fucking feet. It's a fucking eel, man. They swim bubbles. How do you know? You've got about 28 feet of intestines, don't you? Where? They do this, Ricky. And they can't swim in through there, like slither around.

Nobody said he went right to the stomach. He just disappeared. What makes you the fucking expert? Why wouldn't he? How far he got? Well, he's just going to swim in and say, oh, that's good enough. I'm going to take a nap now.

He wants to go, man. He's trying to get out. He's looking for food. He's not going to get up that far. He's looking for food. He's looking for another exit point, right at the mouth, I guess. They'd use him for a colonoscopy if he was that skilled.

They'd just tie a string to him in a little camera. I'm not saying it was smooth sailing. Or just get him to take notes and get, you camera. I'm not saying it was smooth sailing. Or just get him to take notes and get, you know. I'm not saying it was smooth sailing going through that. So what did you see? Well, I saw a few things. Didn't see any cancer.

Think he's all good. Is that what an eel sounds like? An eel talks like after he did a colonoscopy on the fella. I never thought, so it was probably good for the guy. Because normally everything's going down. I guarantee you it wasn't good for the guy, man. No, but normally everything goes down. So if something actually comes up, it might clean everything right up for him.

Like reamed him. Yeah, just gets all the crust. Did the guy enjoy this? Gets rid of all the crust on the walls. Ricky, that's called a something. Shit crust. That's called something. they actually do that to people they shoot water up your arse they what?

they shoot water up your arse because apparently the average person has a whole bunch of shit crust yeah that's the word shit crust impacted

from meat and stuff yeah how much is up there? Well, I don't know. Let's say some people could have, what, 10 pounds? 10 pounds! 10 pounds of impact. Of meat crust up your ass.

No, boys, that's a lot. That's like, all right, that's about fucking two pounds. To you. So five of these fucks. Five of the rest of us. It's not going to be that big. I know that. I'm just saying, 10 pounds.

It's condensed. It's like compressed down to like ossified wood. I don't know what that means. Like petrified wood. Is it something maybe we should all get the hose out and go to the doctor? You don't just pull out a garden hose. No, I'm not saying go to the fucking doctor and get this done. What's the wood scared of?

What? What? What's scared of? What? What? What? What's scared of? It's not kind of petrified, Ricky. Petrified has two meanings. It doesn't always mean scared. It also means like... Petrified.

Petrified, like hardened and dead. So petrified crust of shit is up in your ass and you should probably go get a spray don't. Is that what you're saying? Yeah ass, and you should probably go get it sprayed out. Is that what you're saying? Yeah, I just can't think of what it's called. No, it's not an enema.

That's where you just, you can go get that at the fucking drugstore and do that. That's a do-it-yourselfer. Just get you going. That's a DIY project. What if you just fucking shook up a bottle of champagne and shot that up there? That's no, man. Ricky. No, this is called something. I can't think of what it's called.

You go in. I watched a documentary, a medical documentary. Did you see the guy's ass? No, it was, no. It was just graphics. All right, so is this something we should go in and get done? What the fuck is it called? It's going to drive me bananas now.

But I don't want to Google it, obviously. Get Julian to do it. He's always Googling ass things. So you go in there like, you know, 120, you come out 210. Is that what you're saying? Just Google cleaning out your ass pipes. Cleaning out your ass pipes. I mean, you know, as you get older, you've got to fucking think about shit like this.

Maybe it's something we should go get done. No kidding. I had to... Who is it? Rick. Hello. No, Ricky. You hit your thing there, bud.

Oh, fuck. Rectal douche. Rectal douche. No, it's not rectal douche. Rectal douche? No, Ricky. No, it's called... There's no slang words to this.

It's called a... It's a colon words to this. It's called a... It's a colonic. Colonic. It's a colonic. You don't get a colonic at the clinic. That's a fucking dumb name. I should open up a fucking champagne colonic clinic. Colon cleansing.

Colon cleansing, yeah. It's a colonic. There's one about ten minutes away from here we can go to. Well, I'm not saying to book me an appointment. What, are we going to go have an ass party today? No, you know what? I think you should get it done. You tell us what it's like, if it makes you, you know.

Who, me or him? Well, yeah, you should go first. Why? Because you probably get more fucking meat crust up your ass. My ass is super clean. It doesn't, I don't, I'm not talking about... I'm talking about the inside, not the outside. You worry about your own ass.

Well, I'm just saying, someone should probably... You are awfully fixated on Ricky's... I'm not... The cleanliness of Ricky's tube. I'm just saying, I'm thinking health, for health reasons. We gotta take care of ourselves a bit more, boys.

I'm gonna try the garden hose fucking thing first. Ricky, you're not putting a garden hose up your ass. Because then I'll be dealing with you at the emergency room. With an anal fissure. What about champagne? Try that one.

Try the champagne. Okay, we can do that, Ricky. We can let you do that. Are you going to pull the actual cork with your shrinker? Fuck, I forgot about that problem. Mm-hmm. Could you de-cork it? No, I forgot about that problem. Could you decork it? No, it says in here the colonic can be done at home with a champagne bottle with the cork in it.

So we've got one of those. What? No, he did this. It says that, does it? It says it right there, man. Yeah, it says it on the internet, Ricky. I like this. This is a funny one.

This fucking driver in NH was stopped by the police and he had a cheese wrapper as a fake inspection sticker. It's awesome. That's crazy. They can show the picture of it, yeah. He wrote some numbers on it, but it's got like

cracker barrel. Why the fuck would he think he, you know, why would he think he'd get away with that? It's fucking creative. I thought it was brilliant. Ricky, I...

I'm surprised I haven't tried that. Well, you did something similar. Crab pepper, and it's sharp. I remember when we were kids, you used to stick condom wrappers, remember, on people's inspection stickers, and then laugh. Did I? Yeah. And I found that funny. Yes, you found it hilarious.

For some reason, it was real funny. I remember putting pictures of screws over all the hearts on bumper stickers. Like if it said, I hurt my dog, and I put the screw on top of the heart. I thought that was funny. I screw my dog. Yeah. Use glue to screw onto the plate. I love my daughter.

I screw my dog. Ricky. Ricky, yes. I do remember that. I hurt my daughter. I screw my top. Ricky. Ricky. I do remember that phase. I hurt my car. I mean, it was fun. It was a good time. I'd do it again if we...

I think people still have bumper stickers. Yeah. People still do have bumper stickers, man. That was a weird phase I went through, though. I was fascinated. Like, I'd go up to people and I'd have a screw and be like, hey, do you want a screw? I remember, Ricky. I was fucking nuts. You did it the arms fast and it was like I'd go up to people and I have a screw me Hey, do you want to screw? I remember Ricky. That's fucking nuts. Did it fuck it was about eight months

A lot of the girls didn't think it was funny Yeah, and the guys thought it was really weird I remember that Remember you used to go up and throw up on people. Yeah, I did that that was stupid See this is something you should look at it you just go out jam his fingers down if they were being a dicks there's nothing worse than a bunch of people if they were being dicks throw up on good some good tax fucking things for your education manhattan strip club clean dancers are like sex therapists to dodge 3.1 million estate taxes they are like

therapists i'm totally into this who are like therapists strippers'm totally into this. Who are like therapists? Strippers. How? Because you go to a strip club and, you know, you're kind of feeling like shit and you want to look at some, you know, some ladies. Ricky, don't be chewing. Fuck. I've been trying really hard, but if you don't want me chewing, don't be putting fucking tasty, crunchy fucking snacks in front of me.

I didn't put them there. You did. I know we're pissing people off, but fuck. Is this too crunchy? What is it? That's not too crunchy. It's a fucking shitty, healthy fucking granola bar. Well, why do you even got to crunch anything?

Is it too loud? Yes. My mouth is closed. I know, but for somebody, it's going into the old microphone. Can we just do this then? No, because it's phone conduction. All right, well, next week, I want some fucking softer snacks. You're going to piss off Moon Bear.

Who the fuck is Moon Bear? You're going to piss off the Moon Bear. You do not want to piss off Moon Bear, trust me. All right, well, soft of snacks next week. Maybe some sandwiches. Yes, maybe some jujubees, some Swedish berries. Some pepperoni again maybe. Are chicken fingers crunchy?

See, you're just crunchy as hell over there. I'm going to close. I'm going to say it's bone what? Bone conduction. Sound travels right down into the pressure. You're boner. No, Ricky. Boner conduction. It's not boner conduction.

That's when you get a blow job, isn't it? Oh, man, this scares the fuck out of me. Arizona police chief swears in drug sniffing bearded dragon. That's fucking, I don't know, but I bet it can smell better than a fucking dog. So what is a bearded dragon? That's what they used to call Julian's mother. Bearded dragon. Remember?

No, I don't remember that, actually. Yeah, they did. That was her name down at the... Didn't she start a... She started a punk band, didn't she? The bearded dragon? He's a small little cocksucker. Look.

You can show a picture of him, I guess. They don't have to figure that shit out. Oh, he's like an iguana. And he fucking sniffs out drugs, man. I would not fucking want that around through my trailer. Iraw. He's Iraw, fucking want that running through my trailer. Eye raw. He's eye raw, the drug-sniffing lizard. He's a lizard.

So what happens when he fucking comes upon, you know, some drugs? He goes in your anus. He disappears up your anus. He's friends with that fucking eel. They're buddies. He disappears up your anus, gives you a colonic, looks for cancer, and then comes back out with his notes. Pops, you're full of shit. Yeah, that's what he does.

He heads right up there. And while he's up there, it looks like he watches a series on Netflix, and he makes some phone calls, and he catches up on his emails. I stopped listening to you. So can he talk? Oh, yeah.

He can talk. He comes back out, and they're like. I didn't know fucking dragons were that smart. And they're like, what did you find up there? He's like, well, I binge-watched House of Cards. What? That's what he does up there. Bob, you're being fucking ridiculous, man.

Ricky, what in the fuck did I eat? I don't know. Something with magic mushrooms in it. Jesus. Disney just banned fucking, and Disney World, Disneyland, Disneyland World, all of them, banned fucking cannabis. Fuck! They banned it? What was it?

Was that a surprise to Ricky? It's legal in California and Florida, isn't it? I know, but they can't have people walking around Disneyland fucking smoking big giant joints. They could have a fucking area. I agree. Happy dads. You know what? Now that it's legal there, kids have got to get used to that smell.

It's not a bad smell. Oh, fuck. I just crunched again. Sorry. I'm crunched. I can't. Don't apologize to me. You apologize to Moon Bear.

Sorry, Moon Bear. I'm sorry. It's fucking hard. I forget about... Apologize to the Moon Bear. I sort of did. I'm not fucking totally, you know. So you think Disneyland should have a designated weed area?

Yeah, especially for medical patients. You know what? If you're a parent, right, you go there with your kids, you're baked out of your mind, you can keep getting baked, you'll be happy. You won't mind staying in line for fucking an hour. That's exactly right. And, you know, there's a great one to go out on.

It's fucking the dumbest headline I've ever seen in my life. Local sewage activist Mr. Floaty, ready to retire after crowning achievement. Is he dressed up like a poop log? Yeah, he's a poop with a hat on. He is, too, Mr. Floaty. James Squarrow and his Mr. Floaty character is voluntarily stepping down after a plan was adopted to build a treatment facility for waters off Victoria by 2020. Oh, so everyone's just shitting in the ocean right now?

It's getting pumped out there, yeah. To where? Just goes away, Ricky, like you always say. That's what people think. Goes in, it goes away. What about stuff that's not shit? A mascot that helped raise a stink about the dumping of raw sewage into the waters off Victoria is about to be retired. Mr. Floaty.

Alright, let's end this. Wow. Good enough talking about asses. Brown and more than six feet tall, Mr. Floaty resembled its acronym and came to represent the lack of progress on the development. They have those... You don't think they do that in our harbor, Ricky? Oh, what?

Pump sewage in there. I hope they do something with it first. Well, apparently they do now, but they didn't for years. Why do you think that was the most spotted fish in the harbor was the finless brown? Why? Because that's what was floating around in the harbor. It was the turds. Oh, a finless brown.

Yeah, the finless brown. Have you ever heard of it? No. You can figure it out, Ricky. All right, we'll figure it out. All right, done. My hangover is almost gone. Out of here. Here, why don't we do just once I'd like to fucking say goodbye without you walking away.

All right. Can we do that? Let's do it. Great. Say goodbye. All right. Goodbye, fuckers. There, see what's up?

So fucking heard. All right, I'm out. There, see what's up, so fucking hurt. All right, I'm out of here. See ya, there he goes. He's gone. What do you wanna do? He's gone just like an eel going up an anus.