Trailer Park Boys Presents: Park After Dark - Episode 99 - The Wayne Gretzky Episode

Episode Date: June 15, 2017

The 99th instalment of the podcash gives Bubbles the perfect opportunity to tout Wayne Gretzky’s many impressive hockey achievements, but Ricky would’ve preferred 99 joints of weed on the wall instead.  

Okay, the wish is going. Are we rolling it? I think so. Holy fuck, boys. Excited? I am excited. Podcast, Trailer Park Boys podcast number 99. Right on. Good number. Number 99.

This is 97, though, right? I know. I couldn't find my Wayne jersey, but I got on my Oilers jersey with one nine on it. And he knows that he's the greatest hockey player in the history of the world. Well, maybe he doesn't know. Like, you've got 97 on. That's kind of a slap right in his face. Wayne's not going to give a fuck. I don't know, like you've got 97 on. That's kind of a slap right in his face. Wayne's not going to give a fuck.

I don't know, man. He knows he's the best player in the history of the fucking world. Well, they're saying that he's pretty fucking good too, man. He is good. This guy's good too. See, if I was Wayne and I was watching this right now and it was 97, I'd be like, what the fuck does he got 97 on for? It's a bitch slap.

It is a bitch slap. Wayne Gretzky's not going to give a fuck. Don't know, man. I disagree. The fact a bitch slap. Wayne Gretzky's not gonna give a fuck. Don't know, man. I disagree. The fact that it's the Wayne Gretzky episode, number 99, and I wore an Oilers jersey from when he was the fucking greatest player in the history of the universe, I think he's gonna be alright with it. And he's

with the Oilers now. He doesn't give a fuck. Way to go, boys. Get me all worked up. I'm just saying, man. My favorite episode we're ever gonna do. Where's the fucking 99 joints? I don't have 99 joints for you. I want 99 joints. 99 joints of weed on the wall.

99 joints of weed. You take one down, you smoke the fuck out of it. 98 joints of weed on the wall. Could have been the whole fucking week. We could have smoked 99 of them. How long? Building up for the 100 fucking podcasts. We Could have been the whole fucking week. We could have smoked 99 of them. How long? Building up for the 100 fucking podcasts.

We'll start one. 150th birthday of Canada. This is fucking Mickey Mouse. You think you can roll, I mean smoke 99 joints in a row. Non-stop, no sleep. Over the next week. It's a joke. Without sleeping, though.

That's what you should try. Without sleeping? Yeah. Why? Because it's a true fucking contest, man. Showing your ability. Without sleeping, though. That's what you should try. Without sleeping? Yeah. Why? Because it's a true fucking contest, man. Showing your ability. He'll pass out. You can't go without sleep.

I don't think you could do it anyway, man. You could not fucking do it anyway. Two days. I've done two days, I guess. You couldn't smoke 99 joints. What is the longest we've ever stayed out? Four days. Four days.

Fuck. How'd we do it? Drugs. Alcohol. Yeah. Mushrooms. you know. Mushrooms. Tommy Bean had that bag of beans. Fuck. Edibles. That was a bad one. That was a long time ago.

Anyway, the Wayne Gretzky episode is underway. What? I've got all kinds of Wayne Gretzky facts to talk about. Okay, well let's see what you got. Well, eight pages of fucking records. facts to talk about. Okay, well, let's see what you got. Well, eight pages of fucking records. Oh, Buzz,

we can't do the whole podcast. We can do the whole eight pages of them. This is not a podcast on stats on Wayne Gretzky, even though he's the greatest hockey player to ever fucking

roam the earth, as I say. Best hockey player in the universe. Yeah, okay. We don't know that well well you did say there's lots of aliens of the being the same same game on another planet very very slim well they're looking at earth through magnifying equipment and they saw us playing the game they fucked up looks

kind of fun we should we should get that shit going. That could happen. That could happen. And if they had legs like, you know, a hummingbird has wings, it could be a really fast game. He's still the best player in the universe. I don't give a fuck if he's playing aliens or not. You can think that and I can think whatever. I will still put my money on Wayne when it comes down to the clinch. Wayne, alright. Here's the stats. Here's the fucking stats. Wayne's record's biggest one. Most goals. Hello. Hello. Okay, that's a good one. Most goals, 894 fucking goals in 1,487 games.

That's crazy. Let's see somebody beat that fucking record. Most assists. Most assists as well. Yeah, most goals including playoffs. Most goals in one season. Most goals in one season including playoffs. I mean, he's got everything.

Yep. Most goals one game. most assists one game. He had seven assists in the game. Yeah, because he's the fucking great one. That's why. Most assists, 1,963 fucking assists. Hello. Bing bong.

That's impressive. Bing bong. Open the door. Hello. Bubs, I'm trying to do some work here, okay? Just keep on going with your stats. Most points one season, including playoffs. 255 points.

Yeah. That's fucking crazy. In one fucking season. Wow. Jesus, Murphy. Most overtime assists. Most goals by a center. Most goals by a center in one season.

92 fucking goals in one season. Wow. It just goes on and on. I mean, how in the fuck? Remember I was saying before that there's aliens on the Earth? Mm-hmm. Wayne Gretzky's an alien. He could be.

He's not, man. He could be. He could be what? He could be. He could be extraterrestrial. He could be. He could be what? He could be. He's not tall, Wayne. He could be extraterrestrial. How tall is he? How tall is Wayne?

I can't believe you don't know this. All aliens are not tall. The tall whites are tall. So there's different aliens out there? There's species. He's not a fucking alien. He hasn't. There's three species been confirmed on Earth.

Aliens can't have children. There's children of children that look like us. You don't know that. If they bang one of our women, yes, that's possible. Most points by a center. Career.

2,857. That's not bad. Jesus, Murphy. While you're going through these exciting records... Look, it's eight fucking pages. Why don't we just sum it up to this, boss? Did we even say it's fucking June 30? And we said 99.

We did. But on June 30, let's see what else happened. It's got to be something better than fucking how many goddamn goals and assists. First Chevy Corvette fucking manufactured back in 1953. Big day. I'm not a Corvette person, but nice car. Yeah. What about that one?

Youngest player to score 50 goals in a season when he was 19. That's very impressive. Yep. All right, you know, okay, Pubs. Oh, the fucking loony came out today. Jesus Christ. It's big news. It's really big news.

Came out for Canada Day. Did it? Yeah, man. What year? It is tomorrow, isn't it? Tomorrow is Canada Day. So how long is this party going to go? It's going to go.

This is the Wayne Gretzky party. Okay. But then Canada Day. 150th birthday of Canada. It's a fucking big one. 150th birthday of Canada. 100th podcast episode. So that's kind of neat.

We should come on. Serendipitous, as they say. Whatever the fuck that means. Let's do it together. Serendipitous as they say. Whatever the fuck that means. Let's do it together. Let's have a big fucking party. We're going to have a party in the park tomorrow. Week long.

Week long party. And do a podcast. Yep. From June 30th. Let's do it. To what's the next podcast? June. No.

July. July. Plus seven. July. July the 6th, Ricky? Would that work out? We're going to do a week-long... You want to do a week-long party. Why is it July 7th?

July 7th, then. Okay. So from June 30th to July 7th, party time. So the party starts right now. I wish I had some Wayne Gretzky confetti to blow out of a thing. What's Wayne Gretzky confetti? Little nines. Little 99. Pretty cool.

Yeah. Who got burnt on June 30? Anybody good? Oh, Mike Tyson. Mike Tyson? Mike Tyson. From Mike Tyson Mysteries. No, man Mike Tyson. Mike Tyson? Mike Tyson. From Mike Tyson Mysteries. No, man, Tyson.

Fuck, he was a good boxer, man, back in the day. Oh, he was a fucking wrecking machine. Scary motherfucker. Oh, the fucking singer from Pantera was born today. You used to like Pantera, bubs. I still do, Rick. Still like Pantera, bubs. I still do, Rick. Still like Pantera. When I want to get my metal on.

You got the hiccups? I think so. All right, back in 1938, on this day, Superman... Shit himself. No. First appears in DC Comics, man. And shit himself. 38.

That motherfucker's been around for a long time. He's 38? Who, Soup? Soup, yeah. Superman. Yeah,'s been around for a long time. He's 38? Who, Soup? Soup, yeah. Superman. Yeah, Soup's been around a long time. How much do you think Superman's worth? I don't know, but he never made any money. Who didn't? Soup.

Superman. No, there's a song about it. No, I'm not talking... The crash test, though. Superman never made his body. Save the world from Tom Hardy. But I don't save the world from another pool of animals. God damn.

Oh, man. That honey oil is kicking it. Yes it is. I just turned into Brad from Crash Test Dummies there. Well, there's lots of talk, but we should get this going. Got any more records for us? I can't. It was a real dent. He kind of sounds like Sling Blade, doesn't he? A little bit. I'll write you like Sling Blade, doesn't he? A little bit. I might do some Sling Blade. I'm trying to think, but my brain's doing a...

Looty-loo. French fried potatoes. What was that? Remember the, uh... Remember when we stole the back to the... What you got to eat in there? Back to the Future car? That was pretty funny.

The what? You remember the back to the Future car we stole down in... Where the fuck was it? Charlotte? What you got to eat in there? French fried potatoes? Hey, man. You okay?

I reckon I'm going to have me some of the biggins. That's pretty good. You're just like him, man. Anyway, we stole a fucking Back to the Future car in Charlotte. Got chased by the cops. Wasn pretty good. You're just like him, man. Anyway, we stole a fucking back-to-future car in Charlotte. Got chased by the cops. Wasn't good. But this cocksucker got a speeding ticket for going 88 miles per hour in his fucking DeLorean. What?

He was trying to fucking go back. He actually got a speeding ticket going 88. Yep. In a DeLorean. Where was this at? Boys, I got a sneeze coming on. Oh, don't. Cover it up.

Into the sleeve. Bubz, into the fucking sleeve, man. I'm serious. Oh, it's just a burp. It's just a burp. That's kind of a dumb story. Boys, I've been pounding the fucking beers all day. Keep getting them in your mouth.

All right, let me see what we got. I'll give you guys a choice. I've got beers all day. Keep getting them in your mouth. All right, let me see what we got. I'll give you guys a choice. Do you wanna go kinda weird, gross, weird and gross, strange? I'll take weird and gross for 100, Alec.

You wanna get right into it? Me too. Or do you wanna ease into it? Get her lubed up first. Truck plows in the company, anal tech, releasing foul odor. Whatever the fuck that means. Anal tech is releasing foul odor. What the fuck is anal tech? What do they do?

Take measurements. Take measurements of what? Anal tech. Anal tech? Could be a... Hazardous material situation. Everybody's talking about wearable devices now. I bet you anal tech are on the forefront of that. What, strap-on dildos?

Wearable devices. Anal tech. Anal tech, some kind of an anal... It doesn't really say what the fuck anal tech is. An anal monitoring system. It's probably got like a computer chip in it. Yeah, and you just plop her in and monitor... Plug it into your laptop?

Monitors your rectal activity. Like seismographs maybe. So it means an analytical technology. Anal tech. Somebody wasn't thinking very clearly when they named that company. It was named back in the 60s. Oh, fuck. Back in the 60s when nobody knew

what an anal was. Didn't they? How do they know what an anal was? I believe anal just started in the 70s with Led Zeppelin. Are you serious?

I believe they were the ones that started anal. That's a good idea. A pigeon was caught carrying a large stash of drugs in a miniature backpack

by a Q8 customs official. A little pigeon. Carrier pigeon. Had a little backpack by a Kuwait... Who was? A little pigeon. A carrier pigeon. He had a little backpack on, full of drugs. Did he? I love it. That's adorable. What kind of drugs would he have? Probably...

Let's have a look-see. Probably had some coke on him, did he? If he's flying around Columbia. It's pills, it looks like. A little backpack of pills. He's flying around Columbia with little backpack pills. Yeah, no, it's Kuwait. Kuwait. Oh, I thought you said Columbia. Oh, this fucking guy. Look at with little backpack kills. Yeah, no, it's called Kuwait. Kuwait, oh, I thought you said Columbia. Oh, this fucking guy.

Look at this little pill sack. I wanted to talk about this before a couple weeks ago, but I forgot. This fucking guy was growing $500 million worth of opium in North Carolina. Cops come to his door for a completely unrelated thing. He goes, ah, fuck, he must be here for the opium, are you? And they were like, uh...

No, but what are you talking about? See, that's something you'd do. Fuck. Man, you'd be in jail going, I am so fucking stupid. I had $500 million worth of beautiful drugs. So what were they there for? Cat up a tree or something? Uh... Cat up a tree or something? Come on, Ricky.

Jesus, dig deep. Sound out the words, bud. Sound them out. Use your... This is the wrong one. This isn't what I saw. Yeah, $500 million. No, no, that's what happened.

They went to his house for something else. And he's like, you guys must be here for the opium. And you're like, no, but what are you talking about? No, but now that you're bringing up opium, let's talk for a minute. You must be here for the opium plants. You must be here for the 500 mil worth of opium I'm growing, are you? This is a weird one. It's fucking Frogzilla.

What? This fucking frog, he weighed five kilograms. Look at him. Oh, that big cocksucker. Jesus, Murphy, look at the size of that cocksucker. Holy fuck, what is that? Frogzilla. That's not a frog.

That's Frogzilla. Frogzilla. That's what fucking ran. That's Frogzilla. Frogzilla. That's from fucking running into that son of a whore. Looks like a dirt. Kind of looks like his bum. Oh. The French restaurants would be just... Their mouths would be watering looking at that picture.

Frog legs. You imagine he ordered frog legs and those came out on a plate. Jesus Christ. That's some good eating. Yeah. It'd be kind of like eating a human leg though. It's kind of, fucking thing's about two feet long. What does a human leg taste like?

Chicken. Is that what they say? That's what they say. And a frog does as well, correct? They say frogs taste like sort of froggish chicken. Is that the frog's ass or it's... What is that? Or is it junk?

No, that's his belly there. Frog belly. He's fucking pretty fat, isn't he? He's a great big bastard. What the fuck would he eat? How many pounds is that, fucker? Five kilos. So what's that?

Almost 15 pounds? 15 feet. 15 pounds. 15 pound frog. Jesus. Looks bigger than that. Look at the guy that caught him though. I feel bad for the frog because it looks like that guy's going to be...

It's kind of hard to tell. That guy looks pretty fucking short too. He looks like he's about three feet tall. No he's not, Ricky. He's got a fucking shotgun in his hand. A shotgun is almost as long as he is. No, it isn't. Yeah, maybe that's a normal-sized frog and that fella's only about that tall.

No, it isn't. He might be just a foot tall, that guy. He's not a foot tall. The shotgun's about that high. No, Ricky, the headline isn't even about the frog. The headline says, 12-inch tall man catches frog. Wouldn't that be amazing? I wish I had a 12-inch tall friend. What would you do with him?

I'd put him on my shoulder. I'd just leave him right there, and we'd hang out all day. Hold him down, get his belly. He'd be kicking. If you had a 12-inch girlfriend, would you do dirty things with her? No, I wouldn't have a 12-inch girlfriend. Why wouldn't you? But you'd have a 12-inch dude hanging out with you all day.

Why not a 12-inch girlfriend? Because it would be too weird. Why? If you had a 12-inch girlfriend? Because it would be too weird. Why? If you had a 12-inch girlfriend, she was only that tall. And it's not weird hanging out with a 12-inch dude, like get in his belly and put him on your shoulder. Like, that's fucking weird, man. No, it isn't.

It's very weird. No, it isn't. Imagine if a 12-inch dude had a 12-inch unit. That'd be really weird. It'd be like a letter T. You'd love that, wouldn't you? Ricky. What is nicknamed a T?

T-Bar. T-Bar, do that trick you do. Throw a T-Bar up on the island at a party. Kitchen island. It'd never work, though. If I had a 12-inch tall buddy, I wouldn't want him to have a party. Kitchen island. It never worked, though. If I had a 12-inch tall buddy, I wouldn't want him to have a 12-inch unit. No, if he got erect, he'd pass out for sure. There'd be nothing left inside of his body.

He'd just be turned into a cock. He'd just turn into a cock and be like a stick man. Like a skeleton with a big cock on him. He'd be a good party chair. If you could morph yourself into a penis, that would be quite a... that would go viral if you took a video of it. No, I just think it would be cool to have a little buddy that big who would run around acting like a little asshole.

Kicking people in the shins and running into the dark. Doing whatever you want him to. No, he'd just like go out and, you know, pull your leg hair and then disappear into the night. You'd be terrified. I'd be scared of that little guy. I wouldn't. I think he would be awesome. You wake up in the middle of the night, he's standing on your chest, looking at you. Jesus fuck!

Larry, what are you doing? Go to sleep. I can't. That's what his name would be? Larry? Yeah. I can't sleep. I ate a sugar cube. You ate a sugar cube. I ate a sugar cube. Thought it was a marshmallow. Now I'm awake.

Wow. Oh, yeah. Another wave of honey. Fuck, this is good popcorn. It's, I told you guys. It's gotta be good for you. This podcast has now turned into the fucking eating popcorn and drinking show. Oh, because it's not as loud as chips.

I know, but Moon Bear's gonna lose it. Is it still loud? Like, this is still loud to him? Like, you get a couple pieces of popcorn? Well, here, you just chew normal volume. Now, we're going to see next week if Moon Bear chimes in and says, you guys are fucked. Stop chewing in my ear.

All right, we're going to have to get some snacks that aren't as fucking loud then for Moon Bear. Fuck! Well... Maybe Moon Bear should send us some fucking appropriate snacks. That's a good idea. That are acceptable. That's a great idea. Moon Bear, if you're listening to this, send us some appropriate, acceptable snacks from your fucking world.

There's a couple things that I'm going to bring up. Yes. Just so you guys are aware of them. I'm ready, man. I don't want you guys to get cancer. Okay. I don't want you guys to get cancer. Okay. But I don't want it to turn into some weird fucking discussion. Okay?

Okay. Alright. There's been a study done out of the University of Texas that states eating booty causes cancer. So... Eating booty causes cancer. So... Eating ass causes cancer. I guess you guys should stop it if you're new.

What do they mean by booty? Pirate treasure? Ass. Ass. Jesus. Well, that doesn't surprise me, really. Does that surprise you? Yes.

Why would it? Well... The popularity of eating booty has soared in recent years with increased relevance in hip-hop, porn, and other popular culture. Hip-hop? Yeah. I guess. I don't know. Now scientists are saying it's just best to stay away from the booty hole altogether. And what are they saying about hip-hop?

What does that have to do with eating ass? The University of Texas states that the rectum or sphincter sphincter sphincter are typically lined in particular harmful

carcinogens which could lead to cancer over a long period of exposure or contact. So how much ass do you have to eat to be part of this fucking research? Analingus.

It's also known as. Analingus. Analingus. I knew a guy named. Well, that's going to change up. His name was Analingus. He was Scottish. That's going to change up my routine.

You're going to have to change your opening move now, Ricky. That's your opening move? Didn't you used to say that's how I like to fucking set the tone? Okay, but see, we're not dead in the water yet, because look at this. Studies show, and I mean, I'm just going to read it. I don't know why they chose these words, but studies show that eating pussy prevents cancer. Come on, Ricky, you're making this up. We've got a winner.

Right there, look at this. All right. Look at that. Studies. And he didn't. He actually used the correct words that are on the page. Did you know that eating a vagina could save you from fetal diseases such as cancer and heart disease? How come they said vagina in the small print but on the big head one?

Because that captures everybody's attention. Because that gets your attention. No. I thought that said it shows Thai. No, no, it's not Thai eating. But when they say eating, that sounds like, you know, you're sitting down with a fork and knife and... No, Bubz, no. eating that sounds like you know you're sitting down with a fork and knife and no bugs no when people say that it means that they're down there you know getting things going they're not eating eating eating so it should just say leckin

shouldn't it well yeah you it's it's a lot of licking and stuff like that yeah basically what I'm leave there be any. So if you did start here, and then you went here... Cancels out, in my opinion. What, start at the ass? And get the stuff that causes it, and then you go to this area, and this prevents it. That's not how it works, man. No, you don't... You just stay away from the ass, Ricky, okay? Just dive into the old good stuff there.

Make that your opening move. And Bubs, if you're with a chick and she wants you to eat down there, don't eat, okay? Make sure you do not eat. Well, I... I know all this anyway.

You don't know this. I'm just making sure, man. I wrote the book on it, baby. You could still probably go around the edges. Ricky. What do you mean go around the edges? You know, stay on the outside. Stay on the outside. Stay on the outer track.

Yeah, the oval. The oval. Okay, stay around the oval part. Don't go into, what do they call the part in the racetrack? The infield. Stay out of the infield. Stay high on the track. Yeah.

Take the high line. Well, all right, that's all I got. Are we done? No, we are done. I still have a ton of Wayne Gretzky facts I still have a ton of Wayne Gretzky facts. Ah, fuck. Ton of Wayne Gretzky facts. Oh yeah! Oh my god, I didn't know there was more facts on here.

What? You better be careful, Julia. Why? There's a woman accused of kidnapping and forcing muscle man to perform oral sex. Oh, my God. At least you won't get cancer. Oh, man, that is funny. What's it say?

Ladies? A woman accused of kidnapping and forcing muscle man to perform oral sex. What? Like with what? Does she have a gun or something? Well, I'm guessing she probably had a gun if he's a muscle man. Muscle man or muscle man? Muscle man.

Just one fella. Where were you last weekend? Oh, fuck off. Where were you last? You didn't get kidnapped, did you? No one forced me to mow. Okay? Mow? And I guarantee you this guy probably enjoyed it, so... What's mow mean?

Mow, bubs, you know, eat. I'm not eat, but, you know, do the doings down there. Do the doings. Come on. Can you demonstrate on this? I'm not going to fucking demonstrate. Come on. Here, if I do this with my hands...

What is that supposed to be? I don't know. Bubz. My hands. What is that supposed to be? I don't know. Pubs. You going to get him to lick your hands or mouth your hands? That's his opening move now. Get him to show you. I don't want to. Let's talk about other things.

Yeah, Pubs. I'm not the one. I want to talk about Wayne Gretzky. I wanted to talk about Wayne Gretzky. Guess how many fucking heart trophies he won, the MVP award. How many? Take a fucking wild guess. Ten?

What is a heart trophy? Because you're in good shape? Your heart's working good? No, Ricky, the MVP, the NHL MVP. He's got a lot of heart? No, it's named after a guy. Bret Hart? Not Bret Hart, no. Why the fuck would the NHL MVP award be named after Bret Hart, the hitman from the WWF?

Nine fucking MVPs. Nine. I said ten. That was close. You should have got ten. Nine. That's crazy. He's got the most official NHL records of anybody.

61 fucking records. Well, when he retired, he's got 60 now. It's official. 60 fucking records. Okay, but Bob, the most impressive thing about these eight pages of records, two have only been beat since then, and he gained one, I guess. I'm not sure how he got a record when he's retired,

but it happened. You gained one? He gained one. Lost two, gained one. He gained a record after he retired. That's fucking, that's because he's the greatest. That's because he's the great one. But you guys know, you've seen me on the ice.

I'm, you know how many people have said, oh my fuck, you remind me of young Wayne Gretzky. You do? How many people have you heard say that? That I do, yes. Corey said it once. Yeah? Who else? Pretty much everybody at the rink.

Hey, Bobs, remember when we cried? When? When he retired. Yes, I remember. What was the song? The Time of Your Life. No, no, no, cock-tailing that. The Time of my life. I like the fucking other one.

Hope you had the time of your life. Who was that band? I forget. Green Dance. Yes. Fuck, we cried. Fuck. Bald.

Tears. Crazy. You guys were bawling pretty hard. Sobbing. I may have, I welled up a little bit, but you guys were bawling. Well, I only cried when Wayne did, making his speech. I forgot about that. Yeah, we cried then, too.

That fucking shit in Ottawa, man, that made me cry. Fucking Green Day and their crying songs. Wayne. Crying. Everybody crying. Everybody was crying, man. I hope you have a time of your life. That was fucked.

No, I think Green Day are awesome. Me too. That sounded like What's-His-Face, the guy, that actor, man. The old dude, the gangster. Chris, Christopher Walken. That didn't sound like Christopher Walken. That sounded a bit like Christopher Walken, man.

See? It did. I used to take all the phones off the hook at the pay phones after that song came out. Remember in the video? No. When I come around. I think you'd take phones off hooks or something

when I started doing it, but I wasn't. People thought I was a dick. Taking phones off hooks. Yeah, it wasn't really that cool. I have no idea what you're talking about, man. No idea. Maybe I'm thinking of something else. I don't know.

You used to rip phones right out of the phone booths. That's what it was. Yes, and it pissed people off. That pissed off everybody, including me. It was stupid. Why would you do that? Fuck, I don't know how many times I was down at the fucking mall and I went in to use the phone booth and there was just the thing there

with the dialer. No phone. Because Rippy, Rippy, Rippy. Rippy. Rippy wrecked it off. How many phone booths do you think Ricky's pissed in in his life? Pissed in or ripped the phone off? Both.

Pissed? Not too many. You used to piss on the receiver. Used to piss on the receiver. That's when I used to get mad. Disgusting, man. Remember that movie came out and you could take the fucking thing off and touch it on a piece of metal and get a free phone call? That was cool.

Yeah, remember you used to fucking take the phone receiver and stick it down the back of your pants and rub the mouthpiece right on your anus? I don't think I did that. You were fucked, man, when you were young. You know what? I got in a fight with phones. Only because there was a couple times I had one fucking quarter left, tried to make a call, someone would come pick me up. Phone fucks me. Takes your quarter and just eats it and fucking chews it up and says, fuck off.

So I'm like, oh yeah? Guess what? Fuck you! So you had a war with phones for like years and years. From that point on, I'm like, you know what, I'm not going to try to put my quarter on you, I just tell by the look of you, you're going to fuck me. Fuck you! Fucking pay phones. Destroy about 50 grand worth of phones in your life.

And because of me, we probably got newer technology. That's why cell phones are probably here now. We can't fucking replace these. You think you're the reason why? Rick, come on. You're not the reason why they invented cell phones. You know who invented cell phones. So?

Aliens. Oh. Oh, here we go. Fucking aliens. They're the ones with the technology. They gave us their technology. Were they just giving it to us in doses? Like, oh, this is the ones with the technology. They gave us their technology. Were they just giving it to us in doses? Like, oh, this is the technology of the month?

Yes, because they know we'll get too crazy. They're like best buds. That was in a movie. You watch that in a movie. They give us too much technology, we'd fucking die. No. We're too dumb for aliens. Correct.

That's why they can't give us their super technology yet, like anti-gravity, but that's coming. And then they're eventually gonna tell us... Jesus, Bups. They're gonna tell us how to travel at the speed of light. Once they do that, luck the fuck out, baby. What'll that happen? Well, they must be able to travel more than the speed of light, because they're going up to the North Star, which I believe is a couple thousand. The speed of light is fast. Like, when you turn on a fucking light, it's like... Did you say a couple thousand light years away?

I think so. Jesus buffs. There's no way, man. You know how fast the speed of light is, Ricky? I can't time it, but it's like... It's fast. No, I can tell you how fast the speed of light is, Ricky? I can't time it, but it's fast. No, I can tell you how fast it is. No, you can't. How would you know? Because they measure it, Ricky.

How? Scientists. Do you know how far one light year is in miles? You've told me, but it's a lot. It's a lot. How many miles in one light year is in miles? You've told me, but it's a lot. It's a lot. How many miles in one light year? Light goes 350,000 kilometers a second. I don't fucking know, man.

5.8 trillion miles. I knew it was trillions. Is what? One light year. All right. Thanks for telling us that, bubs. I'm just saying. Let's wrap this up.

The human body would just fucking come apart at the seams, wouldn't it? You would think so. You're not going 5.8 trillion miles an hour, but you're still going 325,000 kilometers an hour. That's pretty fast. That's great, bubs. Your body would just say, I'm done. Just turn into fucking sand. Probably.

Okay, on that note, this was... Crystal sand. Let's cheers to Wayne Gretzky. This is what this podcast has been about. And the popcorn. Love you, Wayne. Dwayne. Cheers, guys.

Greatest ever. Let me just check one thing here, boys. 99 joints of weed on the wall. Didn't happen. What are you doing, Buffs? Just one second. Leaving us hanging here with the cheers. No.

Okay. It's nothing. Just checking before we signed off in case the Great One called me. Are you still fucking calling him? I... You're gonna get arrested. It's called harassment, Buffs. You're gonna get fucking arrested.

No, it's not harassment. Alright, cheers, Wayne. Cheers! To the greatest hockey player in the history of the universe. Her ass, man. And let's get the fucking Canada Day party started. And don't eat any ass. And we're going to party until, what was it?

July 7th. Yes. That's the 100th podcast. Big one. Party. Big one. Right on, guys. Good job.