Trailer Park Boys Presents: Park After Dark - Podcast Episode 150 - Drink a Quart and P*ss Blood

Episode Date: July 2, 2018

Ricky has a mouthful of highly concentrated laundry detergent, Julian announces his greasy new pot deal, and Bubbles myth-busts Julian’s latest scam. Just another normal f**king day in Sunnyvale! Episode 150 is brought to you by the official Trailer Park Boys Store, SwearNet.com (the only place to watch the video of this podcash), Liquormen's Ol' Dirty Canadian Whisky, and the Boys' own Freedom 35 lager!  

Welcome to the Trailer Perk Boys podcast, brought to you in perkboysswearingit.com, the only place where you can see the video version of this podcast. Nice one. And go to trailerperkboysmerch.com and check out some merch, buy some stuff, please. They sponsor us too. What about the beer and the liquor? I was just getting to that, Richard. Also sponsored by Freedom 35, Drink the Dream, and Lickerman's all-dirty Canadian whiskey.

And a new beer is born. Try my new Ricky's Catch-23 malt liquor. It's stronger than you are. Okay, boys, we ready to do this? I am fucking excited. Here, I brought snacks for everybody. Look what I got here, too. Thanks, Bob. Here, Ricky, you got some snacks. I'm good, man.

Look at this. I've been snacking all day. Yeah? Well, I brought more snacks for everybody. And I got my new kitty mug. Look at this. That's beautiful, man. Look at that. I'm going to drink out of my new kitty mug. Look at this. That's beautiful, man. Look at that. I'm gonna drink out of my new kitty mug today.

Here, this starts it. Right there. Ricky, what the fuck are you eating? What is that? You're drooling, man. What are you eating? Ricky! Throw those fucking things away. What are you drooling, man? What are you eating? Ricky! Throw those fucking things away.

That's a Tide Pod! Why do people eat these? Ricky, spit it out! Are you eating Tide Pods? Spit it out! Why would you do that? Wipe your mouth off, man. You got a fucking shit dripping from your lip. Ricky, you know what those are, right? It's detergent.

It's laundry detergent. I don't. If you throw up, I'm fucking leaving. Ricky. Ricky. Do not throw up. How long has he been eating Tide Paws? I don't know.

Is he going to talk to us? How long have you been eating Thai paws? I don't know. Is he going to talk to her? How long have you been eating those things? Oh, fuck. Why? Why would you eat these? You're not supposed to. Who told you to eat those fucking things? Everyone's doing it.

Who's everyone? Ricky, you know who's eating them? Fucking idiots. You're not supposed to eat them. Oh, God. They're for washing your clothes. Oh, my God. We should take him to the emergency room.

He's gonna be fine. How many of them did you eat, Ricky? Oh, God. I ate a parrot of wonder earlier, and it didn't seem that bad. When you put a full one in, oh, God. I ate a part of one earlier, and it didn't seem that bad. When you put a full one in, oh, fuck. And they get you high, do they? They know, man. They make you sick.

I get that. Holy fuck. It's laundry detergent. Concentrated laundry detergent. That's not healthy for you, man. Fuck away from me. Idiot. Oh, my God. Ricky, man. Fuck away from me. Idiot. Oh, my God, Ricky.

You're gonna be sick as a dog. All right, don't do everything that people do on the interweb. No, anybody watching this, do not, do not do this at home, as they say. Why would you do it?

I don't get it. Like, fuck. Why would you do it? Ricky. What are you... Eating Tide Pods and putting guns in his mouth. This is great. Tap guns.

This is great for the kids. Great, great fucking shit. Don't... This is the What Not To Do episode. I was gonna have a nice relaxing day with my kitty mug. That's a good fucking thing to talk about what not to do. Yeah, and this is another thing you shouldn't do. What's the kind of weed that makes you really tired?

Fuck. Feels like you're fucking melting? No. What kind of weed is it? Indi-Clock. Is that what we smoked? Yes. Oh, did you, are you guys very tired and draggy now?

I'm fucked. Well, wake up. No, no, come on. No, no, draggy now? I'm fucked. Well, wake up. Come on. No, no, no. No, no, no. What's under there? What the fuck is under there? Jesus.

That's another one you're not to do. All right, I'm awake. Yeah, don't grab another man's wiener. I wasn't grabbing your wiener. I pinched your knee. The other guy doesn't want to have it grabbed. I pinched your knee and there's no way your wiener's down there. You're right.

Hey, speaking of wieners, and we were, did you see the lady that got blasted with the hot dog? Oh, yeah. Where's that at? The Phillies mascot. The Phillies mascot, you know, at the ballgames, they're shooting hot dogs out of this big can and they shoot them up into the stands.

They fucking blasted a lady and she got hit right in the eye with a hot dog. Big fucking eye. She probably wasn't paying attention. She was probably on her fucking phone or something. Then she said, oh I couldn't protect myself because my shoulder needed surgery. Well does your fucking neck need surgery? You can bob or you know, move. Fucking Jesus. Ricky, it's not her fault.

Well it's not the mascot's fault. Have you ever worn a mascot fucking costume? It's not easy to see. I wore the Great Root Bear one time. I was a pencil. A pencil? Yep. For what? Ricky, when were you ever... Some company hired me, and I had to stand inside and bob up and down like a pencil.

No, Ricky, that was a Halloween costume that Ray got somewhere, and you were high on drugs. You weren't hired by any company. I didn't get paid anything? No, man. No, you were just, we found you downtown jumping around in a pencil suit. And pencils don't jump around. Why would a pencil jump? That's how they write, dickass.

No, they, no, man. They move and they groove. They glide, actually. They glide across the fucking paper. I was gliding, I was jumping and gliding and sliding. I remember that day very well. I remember we come out and said, Ricky, what are you doing?

I'm working for a company. Nope. I probably wasn't, it was just undercover. You didn't even know. I was getting undercover checks just coming in. Nope, you weren't. I can't get the taste out of my mouth. No matter what I eat.

Fuck, I forgot to do the intro. Joe Appano, Cheddar't. I can't get the taste out of my mouth, no matter what I eat. Oh fuck, I forgot to do the intro. Jalapeno, Cheddar Jack. Nope, not covering up the taste of the soap. Well guess why? Cause it's highly concentrated fucking clothing detergent. And it's probably seeped right into all your little gappers in there. Even this jungle juice, it's just a mixture of everything I had left. Not taking it away.

What is in that? Let me see that. She's a dirty one. What in the name of fuck is in there, Ricky? It looks like there's a cigarette butt in there. I hope not. There's some beer. There's some wine. There's some rum and coke. Some whiskey and ginger.

And a little bit of Moe's apple grape juice. It's not bad. Ricky. It's fucking, it's, ugh. And there's beets in it! What's a beet? Well, what's a beet? Beets by Dr. Dre?

Yeah, there's, yeah, Dr. Dre, fist in it. Here's to you, Dr. J. Beets by Dr. J. They're a lot cheaper. Are you going to do the fucking intro? Yeah, this is the podcast. It's number 150. How are you doing, everyone?

150? It's half over now. It's 150. This is number 150. Wow. 150 fucking times we've done this. That's too many. Let's stop.

Isn't that some kind of an anniversary? Like centennial and a half? I don't know. Centenarian, I think. You can celebrate it if you want. I am celebrating it. That's how I'm celebrating it. If you got married for 150 years, what do they call it? Impossible. That's what they call it. Ricky, who the fuck gets married?

Who's alive for 150 years? Nobody. Aliens. Tall whites. They live to be about 700. I don't believe in the tall whites anymore, man. So, uh... Tall whites are out there, believe me.

Nope, nope. Guess what it is in two days. What is it? Canada Day. I think we should start the party tonight. I'm starting it right now. And we should stay partied out until not Canada Day. Okay.

Four-dayer. Let me track my schedule for the week. I'm free! And then I say we just flow right into July 4th for American friends. So it's going to be, how many days is that? What's four plus two? Six? Use your fingers.

Six. Six-day party, boys. You up for it? Or are you going to be a bunch of... I'm up for it. I'm up for it. Hey, I started partying this morning. Before you did.

I mean, unless you count eating fucking Tide Pods as partying. Well, I thought it was going to get me fucked up, and it did not. It actually ruined my goddamn

weed buzz on. Didn't ruin it, but it made it less good. Ricky, it's the same as taking a big thing, a fucking

laundry detergent, and just squeezing her into your mouth. Like, would you do that? No, I wouldn't do that. I've never seen anyone

on the interweb doing that. You see people doing the interweb doing stuff, you try it, sometimes it's good, sometimes it's bad. So if somebody was on the internet and they fucking chopped

their arm off, would you try that? If I knew I could put it back on with no incidences. Why not? Fuck. Just to see what it felt like. Bob, where's your fucking liver located?

My liver or your liver? Everyone's, you know what I mean. It's near your ass. It's either your left side or your right side. It's back there, isn't it? It's on top of your ass, because stuff goes through that and then comes out. On top of your ass? Where the fuck is it?

It's like the fucking... Your liver? I don't know. Who the fuck do I look like? Dr. Sanjay Gupta? Lots of pain's going on there, man? I'm not Sanjay Gupta. Dr. Sanjay Gupta. He's always on the TV.

He would know where your liver is. Dr. Phil. I guess he wouldn't because he's not a doctor. He's just a liver. Guess who got born on June 29th? Little Eva. Who? Little Eva. She's an American pop singer. Little Eva. Who? Little Eva. She's an American pop singer.

Little Eva. Do the locomotion with me. You got to swing your hips now. Come on. Jump up. Jump back. Don't fucking sing like cocky, man. You got to find it.

Who's the other broad that sang that song? I don't know. It's probably Little Eva. No, it was fucking somebody re-sanged it. The locomotion? It's probably been covered by lots of people. Was it Kylie Minogue or somebody like that? I don't know.

Kylie Minogue didn't do the locomotion, did she? She may not have. Your liver's the size of a fucking football. or somebody like that? I don't know. Kylie Minogue? Didn't do the locomotion, did she? She may not have. Your liver's the size of a fucking football. Did you know that? No, it's not. It is so, man. Hers probably is. Both the size of a football. It's located right here. Do you know it can fucking regenerate like a starfish's hand or arm, whatever you call it?

You're right, man. You are right. I'm okay. I thought I was back here for some reason. What, have you got a pain? A bit of a pain. I've been drinking back here for some reason. What, have you got a pain? A bit of a pain. I've been drinking, like, when I really drink hard, which we're going to be doing for the next six days. Well, it's probably your kidneys shutting down.

The kidneys? Where is it, in your back? Right there, yeah, man. That's a kidney pain. Or it could be a backbone. Where's your fucking kidney located? Let your backbone slide. I was worried about my dad drinking when I got the younger, and he's like, don't worry about it, bud.

Liver regenerates like starfishes arm or leg. No. Incorrect, Ricky. Worked for him. Ray grew another liver, did he? He was fucking perfect shape. Last time I seen him. Ray?

Yep. No, he was not in perfect shape, Ricky. He would fucking drink a quart and pass blood. I think that was from his something else. Well, I'm just saying he wasn't in fucking great shape passing blood every time he drank. Boys, if you needed a kidney, I'd fucking give you one of my kidneys.

Just throwing that out there right now. I don't think I'd want one of your kidneys. No, they're good, man. Kidneys are fucked. They're good. You probably got muscle kidneys. What? Nothing. Just saying that.

I'd give you both of my kidneys. I got, I got, I think, I got a kidney problem here. So you're saying you'd give us one of yours just to fucking make us want to say the same thing? You want one of our kidneys, right? No, I'm just saying that because you guys are my best friends, and I fucking love you guys. And if you need a kidney, you need it. It's reverse psychology to scam one of my kidneys.

I'm not fucking doing that. Well, guess what? I was going to give you my kidneys, but now my kidneys are off limits. What? Because you tried to trick me. Who's trying to? I'm not fucking trying to trick you, man.

I'm being totally sincere. Give me your kidney, then. You got it. Give it to me? Let's go. Well, we got to go to the fucking hospital. Fucking Gary Busey? What?

He got born on June 29th. He's pretty banged up still, isn't he? Gary Busey, 1944. Fucking love that guy though. He was born. Fuck. He is fucking twisted, isn't he? He's crazy, isn't he?

Well, he got in a crash. That's when he sort of went off the rails. He got born the same year as that video game, 1944. Wicked fucking game. Don't even know what you're talking about, Ricky. It doesn't list, like, all of his good movies. Like what? Buddy Holly story?

What about fucking... What was that great movie? Buddy Holly story was the best movie Gary Busey did, and I think that was before his crash. He was in a best one than that. Wasn't he in a trucker movie or something? Gary Busey? Yeah.

I don't think so. I think he was bad. Trucker movie. Mm-hmm. It was a surfing movie I'm thinking of, man. Oh, Point Break. Yes. He was in Point Break.

I believe one of the Red Hot Chili Peppers was in it, too. He was. Point Break. Yes. He was in Point Break. I believe one of the Red Hot Chili Peppers was in it, too. He was. Point Break, yeah. Buddy Holly. Lethal Weapon. Under fucking Siege. He was in that. Gary Busey played Jaws in Moonraker.

I think. Star is Born. That's an old one. Predator 2. Was he the Predator? No. No. Fair and Low in Las Vegas. He wasn't in that, was he? Well, it No. No, he wasn't. Fear and Loathing, Las Vegas.

Where the fuck? He wasn't in that, was he? Well, it says he was, so he probably was, right? That's what they're saying, yeah. I just don't remember. Gary Busey in Fear and Loathing? That's what they're saying, yeah. Oh, was he that weird dude they picked up in the back seat?

No, that was Spider-Man. Oh, yeah, it was a weird little freak. He's not a weird little freak. What's his name? Tobey Maguire. That's who was in the back seat. Gumball Rally. Another big movie.

Maybe that's the trucking movie you're thinking of. No, man. Oh, Gumball 3000? That's just fucking wicked. Yeah, I'd like to be... No, you're thinking of... No, Ricky. Slapshot 2.

You're thinking of Andre 3000. Hey, yeah. Hey, yeah. Oh, I know him. Shake it like a Polaroid picture. You know when that song came up? Tonight's gonna be a good night. That's not Andre 3000. They're all, no? No, that's the Black Eyed Peas. Same band, isn't it? No. He was one of them? No, he was not. See, this is how the fake news starts, right here.

Because you have so many facts wrong. You know when that song, Shake It Like a Polaroid Picture, came out? I like that song. Polaroid came out and said, this is fucked. You do not shake our pictures. You're not supposed to. Because it makes the ink jiggle. And then you got a jiggle picture.

Richard Lewis also got born today. Richard Lewis? Yeah. He's a funny. Is he? Funny bastard, yes. Is he really, though? Richard Lewis?

Yeah. He's very funny. Name one fucking thing that's going to make me laugh that he said. Oh, Ricky, I can't do Richard Lewis, he's very funny. Name one fucking thing that's gonna make me laugh that he said. Oh, Ricky, I can't do Richard Lewis's material. Richard Lewis. I think he is funny, I just can't remember the jokes. Richard Lewis, he's been in tons of... I mean, he was super banged up, too. Oh, yeah, he was on that...

Curb your enthusiasm. Do you have long hair? Yeah, fairly long hair. He's a nice-looking fella. Handsome. If you were attracted to men, would you bang him? Do you have long hair? Yeah. You have fairly long hair. He's a nice looking fella. Handsome. If you were attracted to men, would you bang him? I am not. You would not be attracted to Richard Lewis?

Well, I know who you are attracted to. This next contestant on Who Got Born Today. Who? Matthew Goode. Yep. You are. I am not attracted to Matthew Goode. You are a fucking huge fit man.

You went on a trip with him at New Year's. I did go with him. I didn't go with him, but we were in the same place. The same cabin out in the woods? We were not in a fucking cabin out in the woods. Actually, we were at Dale Earnhardt Jr.'s place. But Dale wasn't there. Dale wasn't there.

Dale was there. We went to his bar. It's called Whiskey River in Charlotte, North Carolina. I was there. Matthew Good was playing and I was there. And what happened after the show? Nothing. We just went to his house and

had drinks. Got in his hot tub. Got in his hot tub? You, Matthew Good, and Dale Earnhardt Jr., the three of you guys. Well, a whole bunch of ladies. Oh, there was ladies there, wasn't there? A whole bunch of ladies. Now you mention the ladies. Yeah, the first time.

Yeah, you should have started with that maybe. Don't try to paint the picture that me and Dale Jr. and Matt Good were in the hot tub naked together. You were. You said naked, not us. Yeah, we didn't say naked. Well, I'm just saying that's what you're implying, I think. You call Matt Good. That's what you said.

You call Matthew Good or call Dale Jr. and say, were you ever in a hot tub naked with bubbles? And he'll say no. Give him a call, man. You know, he probably has his number down there. He'll say no, we had clothes on. You know what, I think... String bikinis. I was at the racetrack, too.

And I was right down in Dale Jr.'s pit thing and I had the earphones on and the suit. I think I might have video of that. I should try to find that. Is there any video of the hot tub action with the ladies? No. No. There's no hot tub action with the ladies? No. There's no hot tub action on video. Where are these?

Where did these come from? They came out of this thing. Jalapeno face. They might make noise, so be careful. This fucking popcorn's pretty good, boys. I brought that. Jalapeno and cheese, man. Oh, this is a scary one.

Because of all this new rules and shit, Canadians who've used pot can be forever barred from entering the United States of America. Oh, are you kidding me? That's what they're saying, it's possible. Well, that doesn't spell, oh! Which means I can probably never go there. Ricky.

Yes? Something I think you forgot to mention, which is kind of big news. Mm-hmm? Marijuana being legalized in Canada. Yeah, I didn't fucking mention it because I'm not happy about it. I mean, it's good in a lot of ways, but bad for people that need to make a living, right? Are you gonna tell him? What?

About the deal he made? No. I'm not telling him. What are you guys talking about over there? You'll know soon enough. I better fucking... Go for it, man. Julian may or may not have made a little dealsy-wheelsy.

What is it around? Where he's selling your weed legally. I had nothing to do with that one, man. What are you talking about, selling my weed legally? Just you'll know. I talked to some people. We can only grow four plants. Well.

Which means we can only grow 16 between us. No, we're gonna grow a bit more than that. Okay. It's not gonna be you growing it, Ricky, so don't freak out. Okay. So how's it my weed? It's gonna have... They're growing it to your specification. I talked to a friend of mine that lives in Moncton.

Mm-hmm. And we got some shit going. But is it my plants, my clones? Well, it's your clones. I started off with your clones, and this was like two years ago. Do they know what the fuck they're doing? I think they do.

I think they do. I'll need to inspect. I'm gonna put my fucking name on it. It better be good. But we might get some free weed out of this. Do we get free samples? I think we do. Now you're speaking my language, my second language.

You might actually have a job. I'm bilingual. Minimal wage. The weed tester, perhaps. And I actually oversaw part of the deal, and I am getting some stuff out of it. What are you getting? Finally.

What are you going to get? I am getting, I have an unlimited lifetime supply of cat treats and cat food. The fuck does that have to do with weed? It doesn't, but that's the fucking deal Bubbles made for himself. Got a sack of getting fucked over. But you gotta take it a little higher up, man.

You were talking to the secretary, okay? She can maybe get a fucking meeting going. She's connected. All right. She knows somebody that knows somebody that works at Petsmart. And that dude is not a she. It's a he. I think we need to open up one of these fucking things.

It's a place in California. They open up an Airbnb offers bud and breakfast. Bud bed. Perfect. We could do that, man. Back to the shed idea. Remember when you had those sheds you were renting out? Shed and breakfast?

Yes, which you fucked up. Shed, bud, and breakfast. Take it up a notch. How much do you think we'd charge? $250 a night? How much fucking weed do you get out of the deal? I don't know. Go ahead. I think you're on to something there.

We could actually make some more money, up it a bit more. Free drinks? We could sell some booze. Get some people that wanna, you know, do some services for people. For a little bit of money. You? No. Well?

I know what he's implying. He's gonna rent out his body? No, there's people that, you know, I got friends. Would you rent out your body? No, man. Name your price. No. Name your price,

because I've got some clients that are interested. Clients? You don't have any fucking clients. There's people emailing in asking the same question. There is. Oh, there's a couple people emailed here. Just wait, let me get my click-a-clack. Wouldn't want to be this pig.

Oh, fuck, just before you get into this, another great business idea. We should try this one for sure, man. This one will work. They're making a killing off of something called hot dog water. What the fuck are you talking about? It's hot dog water. It the fuck are you talking about? It's hot dog water.

It's unfiltered fucking hot dogs. Boil some hot dogs, throw the fucking water in a bottle, boom. I don't get it. It's full of fucking all kinds of shit that's good for you, man. Hot dog water. Hot dog water. It comes with a fucking wiener in it. What are you?

It's hot dog water, boys. That's a fucking obvious joke website. It's not, man. They're doing it on PC. Here's the problem. What? Hot dog's not good for you. Well, the hot dog water is good for you.

But why? How? Well, it says it's gluten-free. It's got water in it? It's keto-compatible, rich in sodium, electrolytes bottled in a sleek little bottle of... Yeah, it's good, man. 38 bucks a bottle. And you eat the wiener?

You throw a wiener in it. What? Do you eat the wiener? It's got to be on a joke website. No, man. No. There's no fucking way that water's good for you. Hot dog water.

It's hot dog water, man. No. Jokes. All right, you're going to see here in a second. Okay. You watch this, you dirty cocksucker. Randy can start making cheeseburger water. That's dude selling hot dog water at a fucking festival. Yeah, on a second. Okay, you watch this, you dirty cocksucker. Randy can start making cheeseburger water. That's dude selling hot dog water at a fucking festival.

Yeah, on a joke, on a fucking joke website. More evidence. Where he took a picture where he's- More proof of this is- Okay, I'm gonna Google it right now. Look at that, hot dog water. Selling like crazy. Another fake website picture.

No, man. How do I- No. How do I... No. How do I find this out? I can't. Lose weight with increased brain fucking function. You look younger. Increased fight...

Look at that. I'd like to see the fucking scientific studies on that shit. Do some banging. Like, some... The banging's better. So what, what do you... You just drink it and then you fucking suck the wiener out of the bottle? I don't know if you eat the wiener or not, but you suck down the juice and throw the wiener away if you want or eat it, I guess.

But why, what's to stop you from getting a bottle of water, shoving wiener in it, let it sit overnight? That's what makes it fucking so beautiful, man. Anybody can do it, but these people are bottling it and they're making money. 38 bucks a fucking bottle. Okay. A wien are bottling it, and they're making money. 38 bucks a fucking bottle. Okay. A wiener's a dollar. A bottle of water's a dollar.

So it should be three dollars. No, a bottle of water is free. Is hot dog water? We won't have to use spring water, man. We'll just use tap water. We got good water. Is hot dog water real? Let's see this.

Well, it's on CBS News. Great for a post-workout rehydrate. Bullshit. And we go to fucking the gyms. We talk to the gym dummies. If this is the case, all I'm going to eat for the rest of my life is hot dogs and water. Fuck it. Yep. I love hot dogs.

It's the new coconut water. That's what people are saying. My dad always said hot dogs were healthy. I remember him saying that and I thought he was fucked. Maybe that's why he's so healthy. Okay, hang the fuck on here. What? It was sold at one festival. Hot dog water seller in Vancouver gets laughs to prove a point.

He sold it for $40 each. He was trying to see how marketing of health claims, backed by supposed science, so it was one guy, and he sold it at one festival, and he was trying to prove how fucked in the head people are. Thanks, Pubs. Thank you. And it worked for festival, and he was trying to prove how fucked in the head people are. Thanks, Bubz. Thank you.

And it worked for him, didn't it? He sure did prove it. Blabbed about it. He was doing it to prove a point that people are fucked in the head. But people did buy it. Holy fuck. This poor pig had the fucking cops called on him. Because he followed a guy home.

What? Yeah. So he called the cops. Fucking pig was probably lonely. Thought the guy was like, hey, bud, can you feed me? Guess what happened to him? Want a new pet? Guess what happened to him?

The fucking guy gets all freaked out. The pigs arrested him. Get it? That's a good, my man. Poor fucking pig. That was horrible. So what happened to him? Did they put him in the,

did they put him in the paddy wagon? No, put him in a piggy bank. Oh my God. We're on fire today, Joe. Do we have a groan sound effect? Oh. Yeah. That's one.

Blame it on the buzz, buddy. Yeah. That might be the worst fucking thing I've ever heard out of your mouth. What? Pig just liked him. The what? They liked him? Yeah.

He didn't need to call the cops and the poor little pig. I would have taken that pig home. Kept him as a pet. Perky. What would you call a pig besides bacon? If I had a pig, I'd name him Tony Danza. What's the reference? There isn't one. I just think it'd be nice to have a pig named Tony Danza.

Maybe I'd call him Bacon. Bacon? Yeah, it's French for bacon. That's not French for bacon. It's not French for bacon. Bacon's bacon in French, isn't it? Maybe I'd just call him Mr. Pig. Hold me close now, Tony Danza.

So why would you call him Tony Danza? What's up with Tony Danza? I don't know. I just pictured a pig with nice black hair hanging out in my shed with a nice little T-shirt on. Tony Danza. That's a strange one. Can you imagineshirt on, Tony Danza. It's a strange one. Can you imagine getting baked with Tony Danza?

Does he do the baking? I think he does, man. Tony Danza smokes a lot of marijuana. Oh, yeah, the hot dog water. Fuck. That's crazy. Okay, just wait, boys. There's an email come in to the... What is it? The Ricky Julian... Or no, what was it?

Corey... Corey Randy Traverson. Corey Randy Traverson. Where is it? Right here. This is... Look at this one came in. It's from Gravanya.

Gravanya. Okay. It says, boysovanya. Groovanya. Okay. It says, boys, I need your help. I met this lady on a Trailer Park Boys Facebook group.

She always watches every podcast. Can you please say, hey, Danielle Bradford, it's Randy Albert saying hello. Thanks, boys, for helping a guy out

who's in love. Whoa. He's in love. He's in love. People are finding love on this. Thanks, boys, for helping a guy out who's in love. Whoa. He's in love. He's in love. People are finding love on this. Well, he met her on a Facebook group, and he's in love. You know what they call that? A stalker.

Creepy. He's a creepy stalker type. Creepy. Is it trolling? Is that another word for what's going on there? His name's Randy Albert, and he's basically stalking Danielle Bradford. Jesus, Murphy. I can feel that love is in the air tonight.

No, I'm just, he might not be a stalker. He might just be. He might just be in love. He might just be super romantic. Yeah, but he's saying he's in love with the chick, and he's just talking around. Like, does that happen? Yes. It happens.

We need to see each other fall in love. Fell in love a few times when I was in jail, and these girls were writing to me. Hmm. Ricky, you know that was Corey and Trevor, right? What? They were fucking with you. They were writing you love letters as women.

There's no way they were that good at writers. The detail was crazy. Well, I helped them, but... Why would you do something like that to fuck with my head? I wasn't fucking with your head. I just wanted you to, you know... What did you think... I keep filling this and it keeps disappearing. There's a fucking ton of mice around.

Mice are eating the popcorn. It's always been a problem. Yeah, like, did you, what did you think of the letters I wrote back, did you get any of those? Yeah, they were, I got some of the dirty ones. Didn't you send pictures and stuff as well? Yeah, those were just pictures I cut out of magazines. That's not cool, man, to fuck with a person's head like that.

Well, Ricky, you were in jail. I wanted you to, you know... Fall in love with a pretend person that was you? It was a lady out of the Sears catalog that you fell in love with. She was pretty beautiful. You didn't think it was weird that she was just wearing a bra all the time? A lot of women are like that, and they're into people in jail. Okay.

Sly Swag. Tyler from Buffalo. He says, I was sitting at home listening to the podcast, and a thought popped in my head. When you guys were talking about time travel and where you would want to go if you could travel back in time, I found it odd that Julian chose to go back in time to watch the Thrilla and Manila boxing match

that he's already seen. Then I remembered that Ali and Frazier said temperatures reached over 100 degrees, making it the hottest and sweatiest match ever fought in boxing history. No judgment if you're into sweaty men, more power to you. I just found that odd. He would pick

that match. Fuck you. You know what? I was like what, two or three or something when the fucking fight was on. I did watch it. Don't fucking remember it. It was the greatest fight ever. Yeah, I'd want to be there. It has nothing to do with people getting sweaty. Everybody sweats when they box, you dumb

ass. It's just the fucking thrill of Manila, man. The parties, fucking Muhammad Ali. It was a great time. Sweatin'. And the sweat. And the sweat. All that sweat. The whole audience sweatin'. It was a good fucking time, man, believe me. We have to raise a glass, boys.

For what? For Coco the fucking gorilla. Coco the gorilla. Yeah, Coco the gorilla. Who the fuck's Coco the gorilla? Who's Coco the gorilla? You're fucking dumb. Smartest gorilla I ever invented.

Rest in peace, Coco the gorilla. Yes, Coco. Invented a gorilla? This thing was invented? All over. Got borned. Fucking new sign language and everything. Raised kittens. Yeah. Could it tell you to fuck off? It was buried.

Fucking buried under a stove for the last 40 years? It was very, very nice to kitties. It loved kitties. Buried under a stove? What? What are you? I'm just surprised you don't know who Coco is. What are you talking about a stove?

It's a fucking gorilla. It's not a fucking expression. Buried under a stove. Buried under a stove for 40 years? I can't even figure this one out, man. I can't even figure out where that's coming from, Ricky, but... It's buried under something. I don't fucking know.

For years. For years. For years. Anyway, I feel bad for Coco. Ricky, oh, my God. I think you're... Oh, here, just wait. What do you got? This one's called Smoke Ricky Under Table.

It's from Sarah Brady. Let's see. Okay. Hey, guys, trying for the fourth time to from Sarah Brady. Let's see. Okay. Hey, guys, trying for the fourth time to email you three. Get it sorted, she says. Sorted.

My husband Peter and I watch your show every single week and TPB every night whilst getting... Whilst. She used the word whilst. Whilst what? Whilst getting fucked up, as Ricky would say.

Do you think you guys will be back over here in sunny Scotland? As a matter of fact, we are coming to sunny Scotland. It may not be so sunny at this time of year. It's in September. September. Oh, yeah, it'll be sunny. Around in September, I think we're playing in Glasgow, Scotland. Fucking love it there, man.

I fucking love Glasgow. I like going down that walking street, all fucked up, going in the shops with my Scottish money. Yeah. It's very exciting. I did buy one of those phones that, remember, buddy fucked me over? Bought one of those phones? Yeah, I do. It didn't work, man.

He said, hey, I'll sell you this phone and then later call me on it and we'll go out together for a drink. And you were like, yes. Why do you always have to fucking go there, man? Here's the rest of the thing, Ricky. Okay. If you do come to Scotland, I reckon we could smoke Ricky under the table.

Are you up for the challenge, Ricky? Hoping to get a shout out from you three, Peter and Sarah, and they're in Glasgow. They're in Glasgow, Scotland. Is that what they call giving someone, like, a blowjob? Smoke them under the table? That's, yeah, it does mean that in some places.

I don't think that's what they're saying. I don't think Peter and Sarah are offering... I got smoked under the table. I don't think they're offering to get under the table. Well, I fucking hope not anyway. I'm up for any of it. I hope not. That would be weird. Hey, Peter. Hey, Sarah.

How you guys doing under there? Well, you're just passing it back and forth. Ricky. That's a crazy couple. Who's that nice? Like a meat cigar. I don't think that's what they meant, Ricky. I think they meant they could smoke more dope than you.

When are we going to Glasgow? I welcome the challenge. You can bring all the dope you can bring, and we will see what happens. Here, just wait. I'm going to tell you when we're going to be in Glasgow. I'll just pull it up on the old computer. And it's going to pop up.

September 16th. And we are in Glasgow at the Royal Concert Hall. September 16th, 2018, baby. What day is that? What day of the week? I don't fucking know what day of the week it is. Let me look it up on the calendar, buddy. It's a Sunday.

September 17th, we are in Nottingham, England. Nottingham, United Kingdom, also at the Royal Concert Hall. Is that where that movie was made? September 18th, guess where we're going to be? Where? London, England.

At the O2 Academy in Brixton. Brixton? Brixton. We've been there before. Remember those little kids started taunting us? Oh, yeah. That was up in that area. That was pretty fucking crazy.

That kid was fucking tough. He was fearless. He was only about seven. He was ready to kill us. He said he was going to shank us. Yeah. He was only about seven. He was ready to kill us. He said he was going to shank us. Yeah. He was only about seven, and I tried to put the fucking run to him. He goes, I'll fucking shank you.

Yeah. And I was like, Jesus, Murphy, okay, little fella. Get us the fuck out of here, fucker. Settle down. Calm the fuck down there, little guy. He's going to grow up to be successful. Told him he was going to shank me. September 20th, guess where we are?

Where? Manchester. Nice. Manchester's good. To be successful. Told me he was going to shank me. September 20th, guess where we are? Where? Manchester. Nice. Manchester's good. I like that place. Manchester, United Kingdom. Where else? At the Albert Hall.

Oh, Ricky. Yes? I didn't tell you this one yet. No? After the Manchester show. Yep. We have a day off. Yes.

And guess where we're going to be? Now you're speaking my language. Guess where we're going to be for our day off and then where we play a day off. Yes. And guess where we're gonna be? Now you speak my language. Guess where we're gonna be for our day off and then where we play a show the next day. Please make it somewhere good. September 21st and 22nd. Please make it somewhere good. With a show on the 22nd at RAI, we are going to be in Amsterdam. Fuck yeah.

You fuck yourself right the fuck now. Bing bong. Shut the fuck up. Amsterdam. Fuck yeah. You fuck yourself right the fuck now. Bing bong. Shut the fuck up. Amsterdam. Like the real one? The real Amsterdam. And we've got a day off, so we should start planning right now to keep him alive. Boys, think about this.

In October, when it's legal in Canada, all of Canada is going to be like Amsterdam. Yeah, that's true. Won't have to go away anywhere. Won't be the same. You know what? It sort of takes the fun out of it because I like walking down the street carrying a bunch of dope

and you see a cop and you're like, fuck you. Light up a joint. It's kind of like the tough, fuck you. There's no edge anymore. You're not going to have that anymore. It's like, ah, fuck, there's a cop and I'm smoking a joint.

Who gives a fuck? It's lame. Ricky're not gonna have that anymore. It's like, ah, fuck, there's a cop and I'm smoking a joint. Who gives a fuck? It's lame. Ricky, you still have mushrooms on you. I'm driving when you're over the limit and all that shit. Now it's like, yeah, it's cool. Now you can just do it. You can't drive.

You can't do it. You can smoke dope. Oh, you can't? No, man. I thought it was legal. They're legalizing it. But you can, it's like booze. You can't drive on it.

It's like liquor. I thought you could smoke wherever you smoke a cigarette. You can smoke a cigarette and drive. you can't drive on it. It's like liquor. I thought you could smoke wherever you smoke a cigarette. You can smoke a cigarette and drive. You can't smoke cigarettes in roomy places. You cannot smoke weed and drive, Ricky. You're not allowed. Can you fly a helicopter? Fly a helicopter? As long as you're not fucking controlling it.

Oh, yeah, you can be as big as you want. You can be up there. Hi, well, you're high. Guess what then, boys? Then what? Guess what happens? What happens? We go home.

No, after Amsterdam, we have another day off. Jeez. And another show at Ulster Hall on the 24th. Belfast, Ireland. No way. We've never been there. No fucking way. Never been to Belfast.

That's going to be decent. I like going to places that I've never gotten to before. Well, after Belfast, we go to Dublin on September 25th. Fucking love the Dublin. Love the Dublin, the Olympia Theatre, where we've been. It's right on that main drag, you know, Ricky, and remember, you go out the door

from where the stage is, you go out the door and you turn left and you're right in fucking Temple. Temple Bar. Temple Bar area. We got in a bit of trouble when we were over there, though. Did we? At that fucking beer place.

I don't remember that. Guinness? Yeah. Very nice in there. Randy was with us. Oh, yeah. He wouldn't let us show it. Well, we went on the Guinness tour and Randy was walking around with no shirt on, looking into the vats and his chest hair was us show it. Well, we went on the Guinness tour, and Randy was walking around with no shirt on,

looking into the vats, and his chest hair was falling in it. That's why I thought they were so awesome, though, for just letting us do it all. It was great. Well, they didn't know. Oh. And then, apparently, Randy was shedding his chest hair into the vats.

He should have wore a body net. He shouldn't have been with us. Do they sell body nets? We should get Randy one. We should invent them. There's a million dollar idea. People barbecuing with no shirts on. We should get a bunch of hair nets.

You can sew them together and we'll make one. Who the fuck's gonna wear a body net when they're burned? Rednecks. The redneck body net. It's a fucking solid self. Okay. I'll work on that.

It should be big. Okay, listen to this one, Ricky. Here, just wait. I want you to read this one. September 26th. This is the place we're playing. How do you say that? Azcola B.O.

Geez, that's pretty good. That's pretty good, man. I'm just you say that? Ascoli B.O. Geez, that's pretty good. That's pretty good, man. I'm just sounding it out. Ascoli B.O., and what city are we in? Too many constants. Sound it out. Ray, is that, or no, is it R-E-Y, Ray? We're gonna say Ray.

Yeah. Ray Kujavuik. Ray Kujavuik. Ray Kujavuik. It's pronounced Reykjavik. Reykjavik. Iceland. Fuck you.

We're going to Iceland. Oh, I think I knew that. We've never been there before either. We've almost gotten there, but we didn't get in there. Well, you guys can thank me for that because I'm on the range to Iceland. Oh, I didn't think I knew that. We've never been there before either. We've almost gotten there, but we didn't get there. Well, you guys can thank me for that, because I'm on the range to everything. How icy is it going to be? It's not... I don't know, man.

In Iceland? Pretty icy. Pretty icy. Pretty icy. Not too bad, though. I heard they have the best taste in ice. For drinks and shit? Well, they just have ice. Glacier ice. No, no. Yeah, it's special ice. Glacier ice.

It doesn't get dark there. Or is that somewhere else? That's somewhere else, Ricky. It gets dark in Reykjavik. Uh, earthquakes? I don't know. What? Earthquakes. I have no idea. They probably got earthquakes there. Jungles?

No jungles, man. It's Iceland. No jungles. Ice jungles. Ice jungles. That's cool. Okay, boys, I need another beer. All right, that's it. I'm done. You know what? I feel 100% now.

Let's get fucking drinking and celebrate Canada Day coming up. Canada Day and then doing it. July 4th. Six Day Drunk coming on. We'll see you hungover as fuck next week. It will be July the fuck. Can't even think about it. The 5th.

Look, I got a new way to end it. I'm just gonna make the screen go in. It's not working, man. No. Did it work? It did, so. you