Trailer Park Boys Presents: Park After Dark - Podcast Episode 155 - Matty F**kin' Matheson

Episode Date: August 6, 2018

Hungry? GOOD! Today, chef Matty Matheson is in the trailer to chat about good and bad restaurants, addiction, and how Julian likes his steak. Matty also discusses his awesome new book coming October 9th: Matty Matheson - A Cookbook! Scrump-DILLY!!! Episode 155 is brought to you by the official Trailer Park Boys Store, SwearNet.com (the only place to watch the video of this podcash), Liquormen's Ol' Dirty Canadian Whisky, and the Boys' own Freedom 35 lager!

Are we fucking going? You know what, it's way too fucking hot to be doing this, man, today. Well, fuck. Summer. It's summertime, pups. This isn't hot. You're gonna be crazy. It's fucking 36 degrees outside right now. Here's your fucking weirdo Maritimers, man. It's a little warm, but I don't find it too warm.

It's fucking warm, okay? Just start the fucking thing, would ya? What's going on, fuckers? It's the official Trailer Park Boys podcast coming at you right now. This is episode... That I love. Where the fuck is the sheet at? You're supposed to have this memorized.

Podcast number 155. It's August 3rd. 155. 155. 155. Is that what I say? I don't know. You're fucked.5, is that what I, what'd I say? I don't know, you're fucked. He fucked it up.

I'm just a little cranky. Okay, very excited, very excited. Me too. All right. Are you gonna introduce the guest? Moles, you're the one that's really excited here. Fucking get it going. Well, you were the one that said

you were attracted to him. You were the one with the crutch on him. Somebody fucking introduce him. You were awfully excited that he showed up with blonde hair. No, you're not fucking putting this on me. You're the one that the crutch on him. Somebody fucking introduce him. You are awfully excited that he showed up with blonde hair. You're the one that's excited he's here. How you doing? I'm good. We got Matty Matheson in the house today.

Fuck yeah, we do. Very excited. Very excited. How you doing? I'm good. I'm happy to be here. Are you? Yeah, it's nice.

You got your book. You got snacks. I got a book, a snack, I got these. You laid out some of those for me. Are these hamburger buns? No. Ball cakes. They're called ball cakes.

Ball cakes, those aren't good. Ricky thought, Ricky, why would you fucking put those? Why is it? They're from fucking China. I don't know, did you try one? Is it like a little biscuit? It dries you out. Looks like a little bread.

They're a little dry. It dries you out. Here, I was supposed to open this to start. Oh my Jesus, that's not bread. No, it's not bread. It's like, it's a meringue. It's like a little weird sugar ball. Ball cakes.

Ball cake. Wow. That's fucked. Wow. Ricky, is that all the, you said you were gonna put out good snacks for Maddie. I couldn't find a lot. Those are nice. Those are nice.

Chippy? Chippy's nice. What the fuck those are? Ball cakes and what have you. Here, Fluffs, here. Here, cheeseburger. I don't need snacks. Here, give that to me. Oh, there.

Oh, that's a nice snack. It's not gonna make you happy, Matty. Yeah, I'm happy. I'm just nice to be here. Nice to be here. That's fancy popcorn. Pink popcorn, nice. Thank you, guys.

You're welcome. Thank you so much. Bubbles made that. Bubbles. Yes, I made that. Did you cook popcorn a lot? I can make popcorn. I can make a pink.

Have you ever made like fucking weirdo popcorn? No. You ever- Cheddar cheese? You ever have cheddar cheese on it? I don't know that I have. In Chicago they got cheddar cheese on the popcorn. Yeah, that's good.

You ever been to Chicago? And that caramel shit, they have like a Chicago mix. No, that's pig shit. What makes it pink though? What kind of sugar? That's just sugar. What makes it pink, though? A pair of sugar. That's just sugar. It's just sugar with, I don't know, just candy. Sugar and food coloring. It doesn't even taste like popcorn.

This is nice. It's not actually popcorn. It's just, I don't know what it is. It came out of a box from China. What are you talking? Everybody knows what the fuck that is. It's pink candy popcorn, man. Pink candy popcorn?

They used to have a little surprise in it. Now they don't. I's pink candy popcorn, man. Pink candy popcorn. They used to have a little surprise in it. Now they don't. I remember it being better than that. Yeah, it's... No, this is nice. This is good. This is around the era of candy cigarettes. Exactly.

Popeye cigarettes. You're right. If you're having a bad day, have a little pink candy popcorn. How come I don't make those candy cigarettes anymore? That's why kids don't want to smoke. Ricky. It's ridiculous.

You got to start them on with the candies. Sweeten them up. Ricky's annoyed that there's not enough kids smoking, are you, Ricky? Well, just some of them don't know what they're missing. Ricky, you don't want to be saying shit like that to the kids. Kids just aren't cool anymore, man. Let them figure it out for themselves, okay? Kids are all nerds.

They're going to do it, they'll do it. Do you have kids? Yeah. Do you smoke cigarettes? No, Mac. He just smokes. He's two and a half, so maybe he is on the side. I hope not. Don't let him near Ricky. But if he wanted to

grow up to be a smoker, I mean, you're not going to hold him. I think, Mac, he's his own man. Yeah, okay. You know, he's going to live his life. You know, I can't hide the world from him. No, that's good. It's a big dark place. You can hide Ricky from him. I'd rather maybe smoke a cigarette than the pink candy corn fucking shit.

Yeah. Yeah, it's not great. Sugar is supposed to be the worst. Sugar's the cancer. That's the cancer. The world, sugar, sucre. Okay, now let's get into this here. For people that don't know, you have had how many shows now?

Shows? Yeah. Internet and TV? Yes. Internet and TV. I had Hangover Cures, where I used to take chefs out and get them as drunk as I could, and then the next day they would have to cook for me and make me a Hangover Cure. Then I stopped drinking.

Great concept. Great concept. Yeah, that's a good concept. You guys have that. That one's yours. That's free. That's for you guys. Then I had a show called Keep It Canada where I traveled Canada showing different purveyors

and chefs and Canada, you know, Canada. And then I had Dead Set on Life where I would travel the world. Yes. The world's big. There's a lot of world out there. So I traveled the world, meet people, you know, food maybe changed their life, maybe it didn't, I don't know.

There's a lot of fucked up food out there though, isn't there? There's fucked up food. I had fermented shark. Fermented shark tastes like you ever eat a piss puck. You know those pucks in the piss? Yeah. Yeah, it's like eating that. We ate fermented herring called surstrommet.

Oh my god. Did you have skear? It was in a can. Okay. Ours was in a can, cracker and all. It was fucked. And then I had another show called It's Supper Time. Right.

Where it's just a cooking show where I cook fucking great food. I like that show. Fucking cook it. And it was on Vice? It's on Vice, right? It was on Viceland, yeah. Yeah, it's on Viceland. Yeah, yeah.

It's done airing right now, but, now, but you can watch it wherever the fuck. I saw it on the fucking airplane. Yeah. The Air Canada plane. We should cook some shit while you're here. I'll cook, whatever you guys want. We're going to cook some shit, Ricky. As long as it's not fermented shark.

No fermented shark. I don't know, your kitchen's a bit dirty. I should have cleaned up a little. No, it's fine. It just looks like a fucking... So how did you get into cooking? How old were you when you started going? Me?

You know what? I like cooking stuff. I like cooking stuff. I think I like cooking stuff early. Like my grampy, he had a restaurant out in PEI called The Blue Goose. Oh, no fucking way. I used to eat there all the time. Yeah?

Yeah, man. The Blue Goose. Best breakfast in PEI. Best breakfast. Shout out to grampy. Grampy's the fucking man. Right on Goose. Best breakfast in PEI. Best breakfast. Shout out to Grampy. Grampy's the fucking man. Right on, Grampy. Grampy.

That was a hangover breakfast right there at the Blue Goose. Yeah, the Blue Goose is good. Best dinner rolls all fucking PEI. Goddamn right they do. It is in a different, different, where his building was. Now it's next door, and I think there might be a gas station or something. All right.

But I think I just liked cooking. Is Grampy still with us? No, no. None of the grandparents. Rest in peace, all of them. Poiriers, Mathesons, you know, Tuckers. All the grandparents. All of them.

So he had a restaurant and you were how old? In there fucking around in the kitchen. Just fucking around. We used to have to fill up the little coleslaw cups, you know, the little paper cups of coleslaw. That's the one job we could do, because I think we're untrusted little children, me and my brothers. We wouldn't let you near the hot pan. No, we're kids. We're kids.

You don't want to get burned. That's what Corky Thatcher did. He burned down his dad's restaurant. On Life Goes On, Corky burned the whole fucking thing. Corky Thatcher. Who's Corky Thatcher? Life Goes On.

You watch weird shows. You don't remember Corky Thatcher. Who's Corky Thatcher? Who's Corky Thatcher? Life goes on. Life goes on. What the fuck is that? Man, you watch weird shows. You don't remember Corky Thatcher? No. Google him. Oh, fuck. Are you kidding me? Corky Thatcher. Corky Thatcher.

His dad had a restaurant. Corky was mentally challenged. He's an actor. He's mentally challenged. All right. And his dad had a restaurant, and he was unsure what to do. And he finally let Corky man the grill one night, and he burned the cocksucker right to the ground.

Okay. I know who this guy is now. Yeah, Corky. Well, I'm glad we got that set up. I remember the scene. Corky came back to the scene and all the fire trucks, and he goes, Dad, what did I do? Bubs, we don't give a fuck. Well, I'm just pointing out-

But that's TV too. That's why they wouldn't let him man the grill. He was too young. Yeah, I was too young. I didn't want to do that. So yeah, no, I was just young. So then how old when he finally said, you know what, fucking get on the grill.

You said Corky was mentally challenged. Yeah, that's not a great- You weren't mentally challenged. No, no, I just mean- No, no, no. not. No, no. Bubbs, just because he looks different with the tats and all that stuff doesn't mean that you know. You can call him things.

I wasn't saying that, you fucking goon. I don't know what the fuck you're talking about. Just because you've got blonde hair doesn't mean you can call him gorgeous either. There's lots of tats. You're the one that said that. Whoa. How many tats do you have? Me?

Or do they just all blend in? Just blend in all the way. So how many years in jail did you spend to get that many jail tats? No jail, no jail. You'd be a nice guy to have tats now. The world's changed. Yeah.

Do you have any, like, what's your freshest one? Like your latest? Freshest one? Your latest tat. I got, I just got my nipple, I just got my nipple tattooed. I got a web around it. Oh.

Do you wanna see it? Yeah, sure, yeah, holler out. I'm sweaty. Oh yeah. Look at that. That looks pretty fresh. Everyone makes fun of my nipples because they, I don't know.

Do you see it? Oh yeah, no, I see it. Get real closer, Bubz. Well no, not too, I didn't want to do. You could have knocked me right into it. Just making sure you get a good look, bud. So I got that done. Shout out to Laser Wizard.

Laser Wizard. You know what, Laser Wizard. Laser Wizard. We're going Laser Wizard. Laser Wizard did that. So this is all different people. You don't have one guy. Different people. I got Alex. I got a ton of people.

Lots of my friends out there tattoo. Cool. Yeah. And they go right down the legs? All the way to the feet. All the way to the feet. What goes on in that, you know, in the area? The little area.

It's small. Nothing. I could maybe get like a few dot, like dot, dot, dot. Maybe nothing. Nothing's going on that little guy dot, like dot, dot, dot. Maybe nothing. Nothing's going on with that little guy. Are you happy now? I'm just curious. My wife says at least it's straight, you know?

Well, there you go. There you go, bubs. You've got all the information you need about that. How's that? Do you want to smell it? Well, I just wanted to know. Go take a sniff. I just wanted to know.

He invited you for a sniff. I don't want to know. I have no desire to do that whatsoever What's the had to find out before I Just was curious when I see somebody covered in tats. I just go wonder if it burns tattooed Serious everything around it. Why do we got to know that though? It's just curious Ricky It's not a life changer, but why would you want to sniff it? It's not a life changer. But why would you want to sniff it? I never said that. You just, you're talking about sniffing his, you know? I was not.

You brought that up, or he did. All right. You don't have to sniff it. Somebody wants to sniff his head. I'm not the one when he walked in, let out a gasp, and went, oh, his hair is so gorgeous. Rewind it and see if that happened. This is your book? Yeah, this is, that's my cookbook.

October 9th. It comes out October 9th. Buy it. This comes out? What's it called? Maddie Matheson. Yeah. my cookbook. October 9th. It comes out October 9th. Buy it. This comes out? What's it called? Maddie Matheson. Yeah. A cookbook.

It really grabs you, doesn't it? Beautiful. That's a great name. Yeah. That's a great name. Grandpa and Grandma Matheson. Oh, we got a hot butter cold lobster. Lobster? You guys like lobster, right?

Fuck that. No seafood for me. I fucking know. No? Grandpa, seafood chowder. Don't like seafood. That looks fucking good. Seafood chowder. This isn't a book for me. I fucking know. No? Grandpa's seafood chowder. Don't like seafood. That looks fucking good. Seafood chowder.

This isn't a book for me. When do you get into the beef shit? Grandma's grilled beef tongue. Right there. Beef tongue. Yeah. Yeah. Fucking tongue.

Yeah, bro. You don't like tongue? Fuck no, man. You've never had it good. Have you ever eaten it? Unless it's a chick's tongue. No. No.

It's different. No. What about this, Julian? Grandpa's turkey club sandwich. All right. I'm down with that. You like a turkey club? Fuck yeah. Yeah, me too. Fucking blue goose, Julian? Grandpa's turkey club sandwich. All right, I'm down with that. You like a turkey club? Fuck yeah.

Yeah, me too. Fucking blue goose, buddy. Turkey club. I'm a nice sandwich. Whoa. Seafood boil? Not for me. And, uh...

Well, those are just blanks. Oh, no way. Yeah, it's like a... This is... What? Oh, yeah, look at that. Oh, fuck. Is that the way she's coming out?

Well, no, there's like, this is just like a fake book you bring around and you take it. This is the greatest book ever. I could fucking write one of these. Are you selling these fucking things? Because if you were... That's not how it will be. That's not how it's going to be.

Well, no, if you can get away with that... This is brilliant. Sell it. You'll make some money. It's brilliant. I love this. You're not listening to the man. You just need a cover.

It's just a temporary, bring it around. Yeah, you bring it out, you take the photo, the Instagram. Promote it. Do you guys have Instagram? Do you have Instagram? We do have the Instagram. Yeah, we do. We're on the Instagram.

Do you have a personal? Do you have a personal? I don't have a personal. I've got an Instagram if you give me $10. Ricky. You don't sell Instagrams. Instagram. There you go.

There you go. Ricky, that's not. It's nothing. Well, no, but that's how instant it would be. There you go. Ricky, that's not. Nothing. Well, no, but that's how incident would be. If you had a gram. That's how incident would be. Instagram, InstaOunce. InstaOunce.

InstaQP. InstaQP. My new app. Check it out. InstaQP. InstaQuarterPound. InstaQuarterPound. You used to crank the drugs, eh?

Yeah, I fucking, I used to crank, bro. Yeah? I flew too close to the sun, you know? Wax wings. Icarus. You guys know Icarus? I know the story of Icarus. Yeah.

And you flew too close to the sun. You're lucky you're fucking here. Yeah, buddy. Glad you're here, bud. That's fucked up shit. You know, my biggest regret is I couldn't party with everyone, you know? Yeah. Well, not really, but...

It's not really a regret. I mean, you fucking went pretty hard. I went pretty hard. Had a heart attack, you know? Yeah. That's fucking heavy duty. That's fucked up. You're tearing her right to the edge.

Oh, I pushed it, bud. You pushed to the edge. Couple eight balls, couple fucking sniffies. Holy fuck, man. Couple eight balls. Well, it depends on the weekend. You should have just stuck with the weed, man. I didn't like weed.

Weed would make me trip out. What about hash? What about hash? No, all that shit. That stuff is like... No, I like the hard shit. I like to crack it, you know? Like, really get it. Mushrooms? What about the mushrooms? I loved mushrooms. I loved mushrooms.

You had a good time. I loved acid. I used to love acid. People shouldn't do drugs. Do you guys like drugs? I particularly... I smoke a joint here and there, but you know. I need to know where it came from. We're definitely not addicted or anything. No, no.

Ricky. What? You're addicted to drugs. I'm not. No, he's not. I just love. You're addicted to alcohol. No, I'm not.

I just love doing them. I'm not addicted. So you could quit tomorrow, could ya? Why would I? You can't get addicted to weed. You could if you wanted to. It's a fact. You could if you wanted to.

You could not. And you're addicted to liquor. Who's addicted to liquor? Okay, don't drink tomorrow. When have you ever seen me fucked up? That doesn't matter. You drink all day,

every day. Am I fucked up at the end of the day? There's a difference between being addicted and enjoying doing it. Exactly. Yeah, I couldn't stop.

What's the definition of addicted? Not being able to stop, I feel. Bingo! Boom. Boom and boom. I'm sure you guys could stop.

They couldn't stop. I believe that you guys could stop. He's been drinking liquor nonstop since he was about six. Has it affected my life? Did you get any from one of the Coca-Cola's? A lot of Coca-Cola's, a lot of sugars. A lot of sugars.

Is that why you're so puffy? No, that's from fucking. Is that Lifton? That's from Lifton, that's from fucking... Is that lifting? That's from lifting. Muscle milk. That's muscle milk. Muscle milk. Lots of chicken breasts. Lots of chicken breasts.

Steamed? What's your favorite kind of chicken? How do you like... What's your favorite kind of like... You want to get pumped up. What's your favorite meal? Chicken, man. Some steak.

Filet mignon. Filet mignon. Cook it till it's fucking... Yeah, let's... Hey, here's a question. How do you like it cooked there? Here we go again. Hey.

It's on fucking meat. Burnt. Do you like a burnt steak. How do you like it cooked there? Here we go again. Hey. It's on fucking meat. Burnt. Do you like a burnt steak? I don't like it pink in the middle, like in the steak. Oh, no? Let's be serious here. I don't like it pink in the middle. I like it cooked.

You talking about steak or you talking about something else? Steak. Okay? He'll order the nicest steak they have and he'll say, butterfly it and cook it till it's black. Butterfly it. And bring some ketchup. I don't put fucking ketchup on my steak.

Why are you putting ketchup? I like barbecue sauce and I do like chicken breast. My favorite, if you've got a date, this is a good thing for you guys. Okay, this is a date? If you've got a date, I make the best chicken fingers. You put a little bit of oil, throw them in some corn flakes. Yeah. Bacon, fucking good. Deep fried corn bit of oil, throw them in some cornflakes. Bake them. Fucking good.

Deep fried cornflakes. No, not deep fried, man. Baked. Baked. Steamed. Baked. You are baked. You're baked.

So that's the first date? So you slam a bunch of chicken fingers and then you fuck or what? Well, hopefully. Is that how you fucking put it down? I like to, you know, I'm trying to settle down a bit and have a relationship. When he was younger, he used to say that the fingers were kind of like code for what he wants to do. Here's how many chicken fingers you eat is how many pumps you get, maybe. No, that's not at all.

A couple pumps? You get a couple pumps? What the fuck are you doing? Two pump jumps? If she eats four chicken fingers or if he eats four chicken fingers, that's how many pumps you get? No, the chicken finger count has nothing to do with me, you know, doing some finger banging. It has nothing to do with it. you know, doing some finger banging. It has nothing to do with it. There was correlation there.

There is correlation. It's chicken fingers, guys. Yeah, but they are kind of like foreplay. If she likes them, but she's, I mean, it's... Who doesn't like chicken fingers? Do you guys like honey with your chicken fingers? Fuck yeah. I like honey on my chicken fingers.

I like honey on anything. Sweet mustard, sweet, sour, plum. This isn't spidering. The book's not going to come out like that, sweet, sour, plum. This isn't spidering. Like I could fucking- The book's not gonna come out like that, right? Oh, it's not. No, the book is full. Full of words, stories, antidotes, life.

Oh fuck, so, cause I could write, this is cool. You should write in it. You could write that. Write a story. You could write that book. What's your favorite recipe? This is easy read. You should write your favorite recipe.

Write down your recipe, Rick. It's long as fuck, but it's quick. You know what I mean? It's long as fuck, but it's quick. You know what I mean? It's long as fuck, but it's quick. Yeah, just like me. How much you saw in that book for me?

Just like me. I don't know. I think you can get it for like 25 bucks, 35 bucks max. So it's called Matty Mathson, a cookbook.

A cookbook. And when does that baby come out? October 9th. October 9th, right before weed becomes legalized. How much does it cost

to print that book? I don't know. I'm not the publisher. It's printed in America though, I know that. It's not like one of those books where the words are hidden and you gotta put a different color marker on it or different classes. It's not a fucking code book. It's not a code book.

That's a good idea. This is just a fake book, man. Okay. Don't even bother trying to explain it to him. Like this is just a fake book. Okay, now I get it. Here, read the back. Can you read the back?

Read the back. For the review. This cookbook is not about farms, gardens, sustainable seafood, or how much cocaine I did before or after service every night. It's about my memories of the food that I have eaten, cooked, and created. It's about my memories of the food that I have eaten, cooked, and created. It's about time and place, like those moments during my childhood family outings to beach,

to the beach, where we would eat oysters, mussels. Okay, you're making it sound even stupider than I wrote. Yeah, it's roasted from the water. This isn't a selling point. Have you guys ever gone to P.E.I.? Do you guys like going to P.E.I.? Yes, love P.E.I. Yeah. for Red Quay Islands. You guys ever go to PEI? Do you guys like going to PEI? Yes, love PEI. Yeah.

Anne of Green Gables. Have you ever met Anne? Has she been on the show? No. Did you get Anne on the show? He's made her check. He wants to make her check and fingers. I like the last sentence.

I will show you the food that has defined who I am. Sounds like Moses or something. That's cool. That's exactly what Moses said, Ricky. That's what he would say. It's like Moses, Mat. That's cool. That's exactly what Moses said, Ricky. That's what he would say. It's like Moses, Matty Matheson, Ricky, Jesus. Wayne Gransky. Wayne Gransky.

Matty Moses Matheson. That's a good little name. Matty Moses. If I have another boy, maybe I'll name him Moses. Yeah, or just start DJing and just call yourself DJ Moses. Why would I have to DJ? I don't know. He's a chef, Bob.

Hopefully he gets your knowledge, not your wife's. What does that mean? Well, you can't call him Moses if he's not going to be smart. Is your wife pretty smart? My wife's very smart. Oh. Why would she not be smart? You can't even.

Just don't even try to understand. What is he trying to say? I can't even. Don't even try to understand what he's saying. What is he saying? Because it's about this far into the podcast where whatever he smoked or ate starts to really kick in. Oh.

So he's getting higher, as you speak. I'm good. Yeah, I don't know what I'm saying. I fucked up there for a few minutes. No, it's fine, Ricky. There we go. I think you're ready. Okay, I'm excited for this fucking thing to come out.

Yeah, me too. Oh, it's nice. It's got a, that's a nice photo of you too. That's fine. There we go. Okay, I'm excited for this fucking thing to come out. Yeah, me too. Oh, it's nice. That's a nice photo of you, too. That's me. Look, do you guys like shrimp? I love shrimp. Yeah. Do you like onion rings?

If you had to pick, if you were getting fucking... What was that? If you were getting... What was that? I was trying to think of the word. Banished. If you were getting banished. That's the banished?

You're banished to a desert island and you only get to cook one thing for the rest of your life, what would it be? Jesus Christ. Oh my God. You have a lifetime supply of it and you're gonna eat it every day. Lifetime supply of it, have to eat it every day.

No, that would suck. What would you pack? That's a good question. That's easy. That's a fucking great question. Is that easy? Anybody ever ask you that question? I don't know, if you had to eat one thing

for the rest of your life, it's tough. I don't know. That would suck. There's too many good foods. I know, is it like fried chicken? Or is it just like, do you know what's really great? Just like a ste- Excuse me.

Did you shit yourself, Ricky? No, I was some kind of a clutch. Like a boiled hot dog. Do you like boiled hot dogs? Oh, I like the spiral cut the cocksucker so that they swell up. No, I don't like. It gives you more. Just like steamed.

I like steamed. Steamed are good. Yeah, but I steam them, but I cut them first. Spiral. White bread? Then when they swell up, you got more condom and surface area. Oh. Fill it up.

Yeah. In the groove. Fill the groove. The cog.om and surface area. Oh. Fill it up. Yeah. In the groove. Fill the groove. The cog. The cog of the hot dog. The cog dog.

Cog dog. I think maybe a steamed hot dog. A steamed hot dog, maybe like a slice of Wonder Bread, some cheese whiz on it. Fucking Jesus, you're making me hungry. I'm starving. That does sound good. That'd be my number one meal for the rest of my life. I consider hot dogs are just little vehicles to get more condiments into your head.

Do you put hamburger relish on it? Do you like relish? I like the hamburger relishes. I like the mayonnaise. You like mayonnaise? Yeah, on the hot dogs. I don't like mayonnaise on hot dogs. I like raw fucking yellow onion, too.

Mustard, ketchup, onion. Bring it. Mustard, ketchup, onion. Raw onion. Yeah. Pickle. What about diced dill pickle or something? Instead of the relish. I always find the relish is too sweet. The rel your onion. Raw onion. Yeah. Pickle. What about diced, like, dill pickle or something? Instead of the relish.

I always find the relish is too sweet. The relish is a little sweet. Yeah. Oh, I saw you make that fucking cheeseburger on Seth Meyers' show. Oh, fuck. That burger looked... Raw. It was raw.

How can you cook something... He did. He didn't want to. Oh, no, I figured it was raw, because you only cooked it for about 45 seconds. Yeah. But I was like, how do you cook something on live television? You can't. He didn't want to. Oh, no, I figured it was raw because you only cooked it for about 45 seconds. Yeah, but I was like, how do you cook something on live television? You can't.

You can't. You can't cook a cheeseburger, that's for sure. You ate a big handful of raw beef. Yeah, because it's in America, and I love Americans, but they're all like, and I'm like, you're not going to die from one fucking little bite.

You know how much raw beef? You could eat probably like three whole raw chicken breasts before you even get diarrhea. God. Are you serious? Well, yeah. Oh, he knows. You know how much raw beef? You could eat probably like three whole raw chicken breasts before you even get diarrhea. God. Are you serious? Well, yeah. Oh, he knows.

Like, what do you, you know how much... I'm guessing you've had explosive diarrhea several times, am I right? If I shit solid, I get scared. I only want to shit wet. Well, you don't want to talk about diarrhea. Well, we're talking about... Diarrhea's nice. Don't you like diarrhea?

I love... Oh, man. Like, when it's just earth-shattering, your whole body, like fucking nipples get hard, your ball sack gets tight. Just shit. And you just spray. You do feel cleaned out after. No, I feel this. And you feel like kind of chill. Your neck hurts for some reason.

Blow a knee out. Yeah. Blow a knee out. Blow a knee out. How would you blow the knee out? Kick it? If you're, you know, if you're bracing. Bracing or you got your leg up on the wall or something.

From the recoil? From the recoil. You get your leg up on the wall and fucking recoil, you can blow your knee out. Jesus, man, you've had some lot more powerful shits than I have. I'm just talking hypothetically, Ricky. All right. Holy fuck.

So hot dog would be your number one, eat forever. Fuck that. Full circle. You would get sick after a month straight. But what could you, I don't think you could eat anything. Pizza. Pizza? You could have like a veggie pizza, you could have a meat pizza. No, I get it one thing.

But just one thing. Pizza. Not every day. No. I could eat pizza. But just one thing. Pizza. Not every day. I could eat pizza. Pizza, if you could, see the one thing. Julian's a scammer, he's trying to deal with. Scams. But if you were on a desert island, the only thing you'd be eating is fish every day.

Fish or like a crab or maybe there's like an indigenous bird. Now if you were trapped on a nice big island that had crabs and. I would be able to cook great. You would be able to cook, wouldn't you? That's why I think everyone should know how to cook, because it's survival. You need to eat.

Get some coconut milk and some crab. Make a little curry. Make a little curry. Crab curry. I don't like curry. You don't like curry? No. It smells, man.

I don't like the smell. Do you guys like donairs? Oh, fuck yeah. Yeah, donairs are nice. Donairs are good. Donairs are nice. We should have had donairs. The first thing, I got here, and I wanted to go get a donair

and then it was too far and there's no... You don't even have fucking Uber in Halifax. Ricky, why didn't we get donairs? Yeah, fuck, we can get donairs. But you fucking... Then I couldn't even go anywhere because there's no fucking cabs. Then I went down the street to this shit fucking pub, got fucking burnt clam strips

and a shitty lobster roll. Did they know who you were? Yeah. They knew who you were? No. They knew who you were? No. Clam strips? You should've went into the kitchen and said, you know who I am, take this shitty burnt stuff back and make me a real goddamn meal.

Burned clam, don't go there. Clam strips should be good. I'm not gonna say the restaurant. It was not good. Think I'm gonna have diarrhea. I can feel my nipples getting hard. I'm fuckin' pissed off now. Been here 25 minutes and he's got the shits.

I'm pissed off. I'm hurting nipples. We need to get you some good food. This is horse shit. We need a doner. A good doner. Yes. Okay, we'll get you a good doner.

We'll fucking get you a great doner. You can't get doners anywhere else in the country. That's the thing that's crazy. That's the thing. Like, for some reason, you can't get... You can get them at the shitty. Yeah, they're not real ones. What's your favorite doner?

Just onions, tomatoes, doner sauce, fucking... I don't even do tomatoes. Sometimes cheese. No veg, sauce on the side. Really? Just fucking meat wrap? And then you can just dunk the whole fucking... Throw some fucking cheese on it? Cheese, like cheese sauce?

No. Or just like American cheese? Mozzarella. Really? Pizza cheese. I've never had cheese on it, ever. Try it, man. Cheese is nice. It's basically just a big food pill. I've never had cheese on it, ever. Try it, man. Pizza cheese is nice.

It's basically just a big food pill that you just shove in. Food pill. Food pill, really. This is a new one. I just tried this the other day on naan bread. Oh, naan bread, yeah, naan's great. Instead of the pita, try the naan.

Naan bread's tight. I'm fuckin' hungry. Oh. Naan bread, that's probably the most exotic thing you've ever eaten, a piece of man bread. Well, I think so. But anywhere, do you guys eat fucking doner sauce with your pizza?

Fuck yes. Doner pizza. You know what else it's good on? Just sweet. Sounds fucked, but trust me, nachos. Yeah? Yes, doner nachos are nice. That is a good one.

It's ridiculous. Nachos can be nice. Nachos are good with anything on it, though. Yeah, I suppose. That's the fucking, that's the fruit loop of that. Cardboard. So you said your book comes out it though. Yeah, I suppose. That's the fucking, that's the fruit loop of that. Cardboard. So you said your book comes out in October?

October, yeah. October 17th. No, October 9th. October 9th. October 9th. So October 17th's gonna get legalized. October 9th, guess whose birthday that is? October 7th?

John Lennon, October 9th. Oh, it's the Beatles. I believe. They're a fountain of information. That's right, isn't it? So this would be perfect for everyone that's getting baked out of their goddamn minds on October 17th.

Yeah, if there's guys getting baked out there, you know, everyone getting baked out there, if they're high, they can make everything. But these are legit recipes. These don't have weed. These are legit. No, there's no weed in goddamn food. No one's cooking with weed. It's crazy town.

They just make... Do people cook with cocaine? I hope not. It's crazy town. They just make, just cook food. Do people cook with cocaine? I hope not. It's a waste, isn't it? The point is not to eat. Oh, yes, right. I used to be kind of skinny.

When's John Lennon's birthday? What the fuck? Are you serious? I need to know if I got that right. I mean, I do give a fuck, but I don't right now. What's your favorite Beatles song? Well, see, that's like saying, what's your favorite food? Just eat only that for the rest of your life.

Oh, so he stumped you. Beatles over Stones? Yes. October 9th. Yeah. John Lennon's birthday's October 9th. Yeah, 1940. 1940 to 1980.

John Lennon. And he died on December 9th, correct? I knew that. Ah, fuck, are you kidding me? Just sexist. I didn't know. He died on December 9th. Did you hear about all the police dogs that are going to be out of work?

No. Because they're all trained to sniff for weed and that's illegal. Poor little fuckers. What are they going to do with all the dogs? December 8th, 1980. They don't know. They can't retrain them. Shut.

December 8th? That's right. Okay, I thought about it. I'd like to get one of them. I wonder if you could buy them. Why? All he'll do is bark at you. Because he'll still be trained.

One of those weed-smelling dogs. Yeah, but you could find everyone's weed? All he'll do is bark at you. Because he'll still be trained. Yeah, but you could find everyone's weed. Just take them for walks in different woods. Find people's weed fields. That's a pretty good idea, actually. I'm sure we can get a fucking dog. They already did it on that show, Shameless. Who gives a fuck? We'll go out and do it and fucking find some weed.

They had a drug dog going around getting drugs out of people's drunks. Smart. It's a good idea. Very fucking smart. Yes, sir. Yes, sir-y bobs. Look at this. A Chinese family comes under fire for tattooing phone number on mentally challenged son's forearm.

Is that a good thing or a bad thing? That's bad. Seems like he wanders off and gets to know where the fuck, you know, where he's going. Why not a bracelet, you know? Yeah, what if they get their number changed? Maybe he lost the bracelet. This is the last resort. What if they go with a new phone supplier and they got a different number?

Just write it on a Sharpie on a shirt. I hope they put him to sleep or something. Ricky. Like, as they tattoo him? Or just in general, put him to sleep? No, for the tattoo. Oh. At least give him a few drinks. general, put him to sleep? No, for the tattoo. Oh. At least give him a few drinks.

Yeah, something's going on with this dude. What's wrong with him? He got lost. He was wandering away. He has some kind of mental disability going on. Anyway, they found this dude fucking walking around. The cops are like, where are you from? He's like, I don't fucking know.

And what's your number? Don't know. And then they saw the number on his arm they're like fuck that looks like a telephone number let's give it a call it was his parents so good going fucking tattoo your kids. That's pretty good parenting I think. If your kids don't know the fucking number is tattoo it right to their arm. Yeah and don't let them use the grill. It's not good for people to sleepwalk too I bet. Don't let them use the grill at the restaurant, because they will burn the fucker down. They will burn.

They will burn it down. Corky. Corky Thatcher. Oh, my God. Proved that, didn't he? So it's August 3rd. Do you want to talk about anyone that got born today? Sure, Ricky.

Who was it? Merton Sheen. Merton Sheen. Great. He's done a lot of partying. A lot of people may not know this, but his original name was Ramon Estevez. I knew that. And when he first came to America, his hair was just so sheeny.

That's where his name came from. It was just the sheen from his hair. Are you serious? Yeah. Who fucking told you that? I think he made that part up, but it's a pretty good story. That's how he got into acting. Ramon Estevez. Emilio Estevez. He did have got into acting. Romano Estevez, Emilio Estevez.

He did have nice hair. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Emilio Estevez, whatever happened to him? He's not doing movies anymore, is he? He's banging that dancer, isn't he? What's his name? Emilio. Emilio?

Where's his last movie, Mighty Ducks? Emilio Estevez. He was the garbage man in one of those movies. Working hard, working hard. Young guns make those movies. He was in Young Guns. Working hard. Young Guns. Make you famous. Young Guns. Make you famous.

Young Guns. It was great. Good movie. Remember that movie? Yeah. What's your favorite movie? What kind of movies do you watch? My favorite movie?

I think... I really like Gangs of New York. Goodfellas? Goodfellas? Goodfellas. Goodfellas is great. Casino? Casino is great. Casino. Casino's great.

I really like Moana. I watch Moana a lot with my kid. Moana's a great movie. I haven't been bored. Like, for some reason, that movie Frozen. Frozen can fuck off. I don't like watching fucking Frozen. No.

Tell you that much. But Moana, I can watch Moana all day long with Mac. Did you see Isle of Dogs? Not yet. That's a fucking good movie. Is. Did you see Isle of Dogs? Not yet. That's a fucking good movie. Is it? Isle of Dogs, great movie. What the fuck is that?

Do you like dogs? Do you like movies about dogs? I'm not a dog person, as you probably know. I like dogs. It's not talking dogs. Talking dogs is fucking the fuck up. You haven't seen Isle of Dogs? No, man.

Oh, it's fantastic. Isle of Dogs is about... Are you kidding? It's Wes Anderson. Is it Wes Anderson? Isle of Dogs. It's about... Are you kidding? It's Wes Anderson. Is it Wes Anderson? Is it a new one? Yes, it just came out. Wes Anderson movie.

I haven't seen it. The Japanese Archipelago. This is it. 20 years in the future. Oh, yeah, that's it. It's fantastic. Why do you think he's doing animation stuff now? ...proportions.

An outbreak of dog flu. Yeah. ...through the city of Megasaki. Fuck that, Pups No, I'm telling you It's fucking good It's fantastic It's for kids

No, it isn't It's not just a kid's movie Fuck you Moana is good, though Yeah, Moana They had some lovely songs in that movie Catchy Hawaiian Moana, isn't that what that

Disney Disney movie, Moana Who Isn't that what that... Disney. Disney movie. Moana. Who does the voice? The Rock. Dwayne Johnson. One of your... Rock.

The person you probably masturbate to. No, man. I do not... I'm not into the fucking... Who's... He loves The Rock. No, I don't love The Rock.

He looks like him. He's got the same kind of shoulders. Yeah. No, no, no. I mean, his shoulders look the same kind of. Do you think you could

take The Rock? No, I... No, I'm not into... Oh, he could take The Rock. Believe me. No, no, no. I mean, his shoulders look the same, kind of. Do you think you could take The Rock? No, I'm not into... Oh, he could take The Rock, believe me. No, he's not nearly as cool as fucking, like, say, Sylvester Stallone, Rambo, or fucking Schwarzenegger, if you're talking about The Terminator. What's your favorite Schwarzenegger film? Fucking Rambo 1.

Rambo... Schwarzenegger. That's the one. Schwarzenegger. Schwarzenegger was in Rambo 1. Fucking Terminator. You don't like Commando? Oh, Commando was kick-ass as well. Commando's the best one.

Yeah, Commando was great. Yeah, you're right. That was pretty good. Commando's sick. Even Predator was pretty good. Yeah. Yeah. I like True Lies, to be honest.

That's my favorite Schwarzenegger movie. What about Last Action Hero? That was pretty good, too. That's a scary one. That guy with. What about Last Action Hero? That was pretty good too. That's a scary one. That guy with the- It's true, I switched it. It was good though, cause it had Tom Arnold in it. Yeah, Tom Arnold's sick.

He's fucked up. He's good. He's awesome, I love Tom Arnold. Yeah, Tom's cool. What about the runner guy? Running Man? That was a little, that freaked me out a little bit. Future, that was future.

Post-apocalyptic-y. That sounded like Ricky said that. Post-apocalyptic-y. All right, boys. You know what? I say we go get a few beer or a couple drinks. Get some donairs. You can get some pop or water.

You can get some drinking water. You can get some fucking water. I'll just have a little beer or a root beer. Julian? What? Would you bang Martha Stewart on her birthday? Would I? Yes.

Fuck yeah. All right, it's her birthday today. Good luck. Happy birthday, Martha Stewart. You would bang Martha Stewart? Why wouldn't you? Oh, I'm not saying that. She's successful.

I think she would be great. I think she would pay attention. I think she would be really, she would know what to do to you, and she would know exactly what she'd want from you. It'd be very communicative. And then you could make some crafts afterwards and cook something. Yeah, and then maybe you get some scrambled eggs with some caviar,

you know, something nice. I think she's ever, like, fashioned a, you know, like a. Fashioned? A what? What are they fashioning? Like a doily? Yeah, like a doily. Like a decal? A doily a doily. Like a deckle?

A doily slash thing you put on your wiener. What's it called? A condom? No, like a cock brand. A cock doily. A cock doily. He might have. Probably as a joke for somebody, but I don't think so, Bob.

You would bang her. You know she's in her 70s, right? Don't care, man. She's a great businesswoman. She's been to jail, so. She has been to jail. She's causing it in all of us. She likes to smoke dope.

Okay. That's just she gets the tequila going and turns into like a crazy woman. Would you bang Marcel Dion on his birthday? Marcel Dion. Ricky. It's his birthday as well. No, man. Oh, come on. He never got to win.

Would you kiss him? For his birthday? No, no. You wouldn't kiss him for his birthday. He never got to win the Stanley Cup. Surely you would let him have it. No, man. Just a kiss? A simple kiss? I would shake his hand and say, nice going, man.

You did well in your life. Nice going. Would you do the same for James Hetfield? It's his birthday as well. Who? Oh, James Hetfield from Metallica. I just played a Metallica song with the Zac Brown Band. Oh.

I get up with them at the Sky Dome. Sky Dome? Isn't that what it's called? Yeah, sure. The Rogers Center. Used to be Sky Dome. Sky Dome. I got up and played Enter Sandman with Zac Brown.

That was it. Down, down, down, down. Tom Brady. Down, down, down. Boys, don't air. Don't air. Don't air. I'm all over don't air. Boys. Down, down, down. Tom Brady. Down, down, down. Boys, donairs. Donairs. Donairs. I'm all over donair.

Let's go get a donair. Let's go get a fucking donair. Okay, it's Matty Matheson. This baby's coming out October 9th. Go fucking buy it. Buy it. Five dollars goes to us. Please.

So buy the book. We might get free copies. No, we're going to get five bucks a book, man. What are you working on? Jesus, that's pretty good.