Trailer Park Boys Presents: Park After Dark - Season 2 Episode 1 - Smurfgate

Episode Date: June 1, 2020

Ricky, Julian and Bubbles are (virtually) partying again after the darkness has gone away! They discuss dirty ol' load brownies, Ricky's frosty cock, and why Julian wants a job at Costco. Also: A dark and dirty story about Mama Smurf...

we're back boys let's go boys got us in the trailer ah another week guys fuck it's warmer out. It's better out. Great drinking weather right now. It's the perfect weather. It's not too fucking hot. It's not too fucking cold, which I like. It's great. We've had some hot days, but we've had some really cold fucking nights,

like frost and shit. It's been weird. Yes. I'll take it, man. I'll fucking take it. It hasn't been raining or snowing. Ricky, is it true that you woke up and you had actual frost on your wiener i don't think so i hope not julian told me he went over to see you and he went over to

he was going to put your bird in his mouth but it had frost on it that's why would you say that i said i went over and he had a heart on he always says like morning erections not that i'm looking it's just there it's just there. It's just fucking there when he walked in. You said you went over to put his bird in your mouth and it had frost on it. Why the fuck would I say that, Bubz? Why are you starting this fucking Perk After Dark like this shit, man?

Oh, yeah. By the way, this is Perk After Dark again. No fucking kidding. Park After Dark. Stop. Yeah, you should do an intro. Okay.

Just thought we'd point that out. Welcome, everybody, to She's Park After Dark Again, officially. What was it before this? Oh, it was like Trailer Park. It was fucking around. It was on the road or something. I don't know. It's park after

dark. So we're back to being partying after the darkness goes away. I like it. Except I don't have a lot to party with. Oh well. You got your cool sunglasses on at least Ricky. Yeah. They've been saving me.

What's going on in the world, boys? What do we got? What do we got? Things are getting better, but things are going to get worse, bubs. This whole fucking pandemic. I'm watching the news, man. What the fuck's going on with everybody down in the U.S.? They're all like opening everything up, going to the beaches, partying.

What the fuck? what the fuck what the fuck happened to this pandemic did it get better or something it's not as lethal it's not gonna kill people no it did not it is just as fucking deadly as it's always been but people are getting antsy the cases are going up and people are still going to the goddamn beach and partying and i don't I don't understand it. No, it seems a bit fucky. It does seem a bit fucky. You know what's going to happen?

We're not going to end up fucking opening up our border to the United States for, like, it's what, three weeks now they plan on doing it, but it's not going to fucking happen, which sucks, because I like going down there to visit. I do too, Ricky. I think it's, you know, i'd love to be going on a trip right now going touring what about go doing a fucking tour can you imagine doing that right now it's not gonna happen it's not not gonna fucking happen if i was going if i was one of the

frontline workers down there like in florida in place i'd be pissed like they're risking their goddamn lives and these idiots are just, don't give a shit. That's true, Ricky. I mean, it's not that big of a deal to put a fucking mask on. You know? No. I think when you put a mask on, that says to people, I am thankful for the frontline workers,

and this is my tribute to not getting you fucking all diseased up with the corona. That's a good way to look at it. I like it. Right? Or you can apparently drink a sperm smoothie. Apparently that's supposed to help protect you. I don't know. I read some goddamn article.

This woman was drinking smoothies with sperm in them, I guess. Said she said she hasn't had a cold or anything since she started. She said she's going to protect her from Corolla virus. So I don't know. She hasn't had a cold. Cause she's probably, she's probably been under quarantine eating her fucking load drinks,

man. That's what the, how is she going to get sick? Fuck. That's hideous. You know what? I fucking read another article in the news. You should try it, Julian. Ah, fuck off, Rick. I'm not going to try the

load smoothie. But check this out. This fucking teacher got caught serving her fucking her students brownies that had her fucking husband's load in it had her husband's load in it fed them to the kids like what the fuck's wrong with people man what you know if i yes if i if i was one of those parents i would fucking hunt that guy down and her whatever i don't know it wouldn't be good man i'd at least slash her tires so just

back up here how'd they catch her i don't know people that do like that talk i guess maybe she was talking about it you can taste it in the brownies or what do you guys i don't know what i i have i have no idea man i'd have to look it up i just i just read it gross me out and i went and mixed up a drink and forgot about it until now that is a weird one that's hideous people are fucked people are fucked up man you know what you think we've seen a lot of fucked up people in jail over the fucking years but there's so many more fucked up people doing shit that are way more fucked than anybody i've seen in jail man it's fucked they should be in jail, man. They should be in jail themselves. Fucked up people should

be in jail, man. I'm not going to argue with you. Here's a question for you. Do you guys think, listen to this, I know that they're fucking releasing a lot of people from jail, right? Like, fuck people that aren't killing, you know, murderers and shit. Rapists. Wonder if we went to jail right now, if we,

you know, we'd go in for a bit, then they'd let let us out what if that happened to us we could try it that's what I'm saying like we could easily go out and do something it's gotta be something that's gonna make us a lot of money that's worth it number one in case it goes to shit but I don't know man I think it might be pretty good bubs

what do you think you wanna get on board or what that sounds fuck to me. Sounds like a terrible idea. Here's an idea. Just don't do anything. Just don't do a fucking thing. How about that? Stay in your house and don't fuck around.

There's a lot of businesses right now that are closed. So, I mean, you can technically break into those and take some things. And they'd probably be happy. Because then they can use their insurance money right now. They're probably all broke. Exactly. That's what I'm talking about, bubs.

Yeah, but you know what? Again. What? How about not doing that? Just don't do anything. Don't break into anything. Just stay in your fucking house. Jesus.

Then we can't go to jail. Yeah, you got to go to jail somehow. Right now, Bob, I would be more than happy to go out and get a 9-to-5 job if I could get one right now. But nobody's hiring. I would fucking work eight hours a day doing whatever, man. Look at your fucking green screen. Look at your green screen, what it's hiring. I would fucking work eight hours a day doing whatever, man. Look at your fucking green screen. Look at your green screen, what it's doing. Fucking flying around in the fucking sun.

Jesus Christ. What do you want me to do with it? I'm not a fucking pro here, bubs. No, you are not. Okay. Garbage. You fucking throw this shit at me. I set it up, and what do you want me to do?

The sun's moving around, okay? Put it in the fucking room. There's no skylight in. There's a fucking idea. Yeah, but I don't want to put it in, like, the fucking TV room. Then I got this big goddamn green screen set up. I thought you were staying in a big fucking mansion. There's only two rooms in the place?

Yeah, but this is like, I don't know, it's a pain in the ass moving this thing around, man. Oh! Poor Julian and his big mansion. You know, I, well, and I'm starting to run out of food here like so i'm gonna have to get out there and do something bubs well you could earn money the way randy does how's that hanging

out by kod giving people hummers let's see if i'm gonna fucking do that where's the cost goes higher I heard the Costco's hiring Who is The Costco's hiring Where'd you go Ricky Sorry I'm just trying to Find something over here I heard that the Costco's hiring Julian Like fuck I'm working at Costco That's a fucking Virus haven That's like a fucking

There's gotta be a lot of fucking germs and shit Floating around in that god damn place What about all the people that are working there Well that's gotta be a lot of fucking germs and shit floating around that goddamn place what about all the people that are working there well that's where they're hiring people for because these people are probably gonna get sick and end up in the hospital so they're gonna need some employees like trained immediately so you're too much of a pussy to be a front line worker did you see the video why i'll keep going just you guys argue. I like it. No, no, he... Bob, no, he called me a pussy because I don't want to be a frontline worker. You know what?

I don't, like... If I was already in it, I'd be doing it. If I was a cop, I'd be there. If I was working at a fucking hospital, I wouldn't be quitting. But I'm not going to just get a fucking job at Costco right now after being under quarantine for two months. You fucking kidding me? You might get a discount. job at Costco right now after being under quarantine for two months. You fucking kidding me? You might get a discount.

You could study their security system and stuff. I could get a discount. Oh, you get a staff discount. Absolutely. How hard is it to fucking... How hard would it be to steal something from the Costco if you worked there? Probably pretty easy, wouldn't it?

I would think. Or you could bust up through the floor into the liquor room and then get trapped and have to go in a shit river to get out and get ejected into the harbor where there's poop. You know what I'm going to do?

I'm going to fuck it. I'm going to put my application into Costco. I'll show you fucking guys. Someone who's afraid of working in the front line here. I'll fucking work there. Come on, man. I'm proud of you. Look where Ricky is. When he leans over, he just disappears.

He looks like he's eating your ass. Here, lean your head down, Ricky. he's eating your ass here. Lean your head down Get her down here. Hey put your head back there for a sec. Put your head back now make some slurp right here No, no down Okay Make some noises just go, you know slurping noises. No, Ricky. don't. There you go. How does that feel, bubs? That's just terrible. What was happening?

I missed it. You were eating. You were licking his arse. And he sat there and took it without even moving, man. It was great. So your arse got virtually licked? Oh, you liked that. You liked that, did you, Julian?

You thought that was hot, did you? No, I didn't think it was hot. I thought it was fucking disgusting and funny. difference bubs it was terrible it was terrible it's terrible i thought i had some shit here to talk about but it's not working out you know what i miss what i miss fucking i miss going to the movies man I miss going to see a good fucking movie popcorn yeah

nice to hear all the I wonder what all the rats are eating there's no popcorn and shit on the floor they're just fucking dying yeah it sucks boys you know if you're talking about breaking into somewhere why don't we break into the theater and have a movie night Boys, you know, if you're talking about breaking into somewhere,

why don't we break into the theater and have a movie night? That's a good idea. If there's nobody in there, we could break in. I could figure out how to work the projector, and we could still socially distance, you know, sit with three or four seats between us. Yeah. All right. We could use the movie theater.

Do they still use those old, like, reel-to-re they still movie theater? Do they still use those old like reel to reel fucking projectors so they get like that? No, they use digital now.

It's all digital, baby. I don't think there's any film anymore, is there? That sucks, man.

No, there's no film. You know what? I bet would be big again now. Drive-ins. People are doing it, man. People are having them setting up their own drive-ins.

People are doing it at like shopping center parking lots, like restaurants. They're having to, you know, come watch a movie and eat. And you know what? There's over 300 of them in the U.S. alone. So those guys are fucking making some serious cake. Yeah, man. It's a good idea.

so those guys are fucking making some serious cake yeah man it's a good idea i mean you could surely socially uh distance distance and driving pretty good yeah let me tell the pups let me ask you something if we did end up breaking into like a movie theater yeah could could you like um you know if we grab the equipment and stuff, could you set it up easily? Like outside somewhere? 100%. I mean, do you see what I'm running here? You think this is fucking less complicated? Well, it's still fucked.

It's still fucked up in many ways, but, you know, you're doing all right. I can run a goddamn movie projector believe me okay what are we going to do about the screen because i can't see us getting a big fucking screen under the theater or maybe i don't know what do you think it would use do they do they roll up or no i don't have a fucking clue man i mean we could i mean four bed sheets sewed together it's gonna make a big son of a horror of a screen and then we need the sound system how long is it like that's a lot of speakers how many speakers they got running in a movie theater like imax i mean we're not gonna have fuck we're not gonna have a full imax sound system i'll tell you right now that

is not doesn't the sound just come over your goddamn radio? It used to, I think. Not anymore, Rick. That's the technology. Can you do that, Rick? That have bubs? I can listen. This is a good fucking idea. Can't you use blue teeth?

What? Blue teeth. Everybody just gets on their blue teeth and connects. Yeah, I guess blue teeth would probably come in fairly handy, Ricky. Blue teeth. Remember you had blue teeth that time you blew a Smurf? Papa Smurf, man. Papa Smurf, yeah.

He did a lot of banging, that little fucker. Papa Smurf, man. Papa Smurf, yeah. He did a lot of banging, that little fucker. Papa Smurf? Think about it, man. Where do you think all the other Smurfs came from? Well, who was he banging? There's a mama Smurf somewhere all fucked over with her, you know. With what? Jenny fucking stretched out and ripped up and from having so many

smurfs, it's like awful. It's, it's probably a part of the fucking smurf tale that you don't want to hear about mama smurf. So you think Papa Smurf, just one woman gave birth. I don't think those are all those kids.

I think they're all, when you call someone Papa Smurf, what does that make them? It makes them your dad. Your grandfather. Well, I'm not talking about... What's the little kids and fucking... My point is, do we believe all the Smurfs were born from one lady Smurf? Or was Papa Smurf banging a whole bunch of lady Smurfs?

No, Mama Smurf. Mama Smurf was... She's like the queen ant, man. She's like the queen bee, this Mama Smurf bang and a whole bunch of ladies. No mama. Mama Smurf was, she's like the queen aunt, man. She's like the queen bee. This mama Smurf. And there's a, there's a bad Smurfs from the same parents.

And how do you get like smarty Smurf and then dummy Smurf from the same Smurf parents. Okay. Here's a good example. Trinity, your daughter, she's smart. Mo he's smart.

Ricky, you're not smart. That's what I mean. It, he's smart. Ricky, you're not smart. That's what I mean. That's a good point. No, you're not smart like that. I'm smart. I just choose not to learn. Look, in order to know if the Smurfs have one mother,

I don't know that it's even possible. How many Smurfs is there? A couple hundred? We need to know what the gestation period of a Smurf is. Because if it's nine months, like a human baby, she couldn't have gave birth to 200 Smurfs.

Can't we just check their DMA? No, forget that shit. It's all going to come back to Papa Smurf. What I'm saying is Papa Smurf is at least 200 years old. There's a fucking tragic tale here that involves Mama Smurf that they're not telling us because you'd know she gave birth to fucking probably thousands of fucking little Smurfs. But what I'm saying is, what I'm saying is, if the gestation period of a Smurf is nine months,

she couldn't have gave birth to a thousand Smurfs because she'd have to be almost a thousand years old. No, it wouldn't be nine months. It's probably more like a chicken. Did you ever hear of fucking triplets and sex tiplets and fucking giving birth to like 20 of them at a time? That's what I'm saying. There's something going on with this mama Smurf and it's not a good story.

That's why they're not mentioning her. How long do you think it takes to birth a Smurf? Okay, a Smurf is what, one-tenth the size of a human maybe? Not even. Right? Three apples tall. Three apples tall. Three apples tall. So he's what, one-twentieth, one-tenth? Ricky, how long do you think it takes

to make a Smurf? To make one wouldn't take long at all, just a quick bang. But to get one growed inside you, I'd say it would be... It's probably like a kitten. So how long does a kitten take? Bob, you should know that. No, no, no, no, no. No, no, not a kitten. I think it's more like a fucking mouse.

All right? How long does it take a fucking mouse to grow up? A mouse is only one apple tall. Yeah, I know. But, okay, let's take a mouse. I'm going to look it up right now How long Was

Fuck me does a mouse This is riveting riveting TV, yeah, this is really Really good to know it is good stuff to know definitely. Yeah, this is really good to know. It is good stuff to know. Definitely. Fuck's sakes. What the fuck are you searching? How long does it take a mouse to bang? No, how long has it got the fucking mouse in the goddamn mouth of the mother's belly?

How long does the pizza pizza going the oven for how long is the pizza going the oven for okay fuck i'd love a pizza right now oh my god would i ever brother's pepperoni oh jesus jesus murphy that would be something wouldn't it you know it'd be really good right now a picto county fucking pizza oh holy fuck boys i fucking figured this one out man why all right check this shit out this is gonna freak you the fuck out a mouse carries five to ten fucking baby mice mice in their genie right yeah it can have a second birth in as little as 25 fucking days After she just gave birth to the fuck So you're looking at

Do your math there bubs So once a month You're putting out a smurf 10 babies once a month 10 babies once a month So yeah 120 smurfs a year See

Crank out Told you So you could have a thousand smurfs a year. See? Crank out. Told you. There's a fucking dark end. So you could have a thousand smurfs in 10, 15 years. You could crank out a thousand smurfs. That's what I'm telling you. Think about some of them dying at birth.

Some of them probably born a bylaw. Not smurfs. They're not blue. They can't shoot them. You gotta be blue. What are you talking about? No, they're not fucking... they're not getting rid of Smurfs because they come out and they're like a light blue or a fucking pink or something. I've got to fucking kill them. Smurfs aren't racist.

Smurfs are not racist. Well, how come they're all blue then? There is a dark and dirty fucking story about Mama Smurf. I'm telling you right now. There's something fucking going on there. I disagree. I think Mama Smurf's probably you know

Where? Where is she? She probably has a special home somewhere. She's just living the life of luxury like a queen. She's like the queen bee or the queen ant. Getting screwed every single fucking day of the week. That's what's happened. She's got that many swerves.

That's what's happening, man. Every 25 days, she's having a kid. I don't know when she's knocked up. That's going to stop Papa Smurf. People still bang when they're fucking pregnant, bud. Right up until they give birth. Okay. Got to have a flick of this all there.

That's something. Papa Smurf is a fucking dirty fucking bastard who loves to bang. He's probably got Mama Smurf fucking tied up in some sex den somewhere. We don't know that. She could be totally happy, and they just can't show that because it's just so sexual. No, they're not showing it for a reason, man. They're hiding it. It's a kid show.

It's the only reason they're hiding it. It's Smurfgate. Smurfgate. Smurfgate. It's Smurfgate. This is what's going on. The bitch is she's a fucking sex slave. I don't know.

I'd have to find out some more information. Well, I'd like to fucking, if they did exist, find one. No, they do exist. Well, find one and interrogate the shit out of them. Get fucking brainy. They live over in Europe. That's that little asshole with the fucks going on. How many Smurfs can you name, boys?

Brainy. Smarty. Stupid. Dumb dumb. Strongy. Smurfette. Weaky. Was there Strongy. Smurfette. Weaky. Was there a Humpy Smurf?

Hungry. That used to be Papa Smurf's. That was Papa Smurf's fucking name when he was a kid. Young guy going around. Plowing the shit out of him. Bashful. Bashful, yeah. Bashful. Prful, yeah. Bashful.

Prancer. Prancer? Ricky, you're into the reindeer now. You're into the reindeer. Dopey. You know what? You know what? The Smurfs, basically, they're a lot like fucking seven dwarves, aren't they?

Not really. Yeah, except there's more of them. Yeah, come up with a fucking better idea, guys. I'm just going to steal people's fucking ideas. Smurfs. What the fuck does Smurf mean, anyway? I'm going to find out right now. I think it's...

I think the Smurfs are from... They're from, like, Sweden or somewhere, aren't they? Yeah. Sweden. What do you think a Smurf would taste like on the barbecue? I don't know. They got any muscle on them?

Or is it mostly fat? I'll probably grind them up in a burger. That might be alright. Did you say grind them up in a burger? Yeah. That usually works for most stuff. Make some little sausages out of them.

Little blue Smurf sausages. Oh, man. You know what? That sounds good. I don't know if it would taste good, but it does sound good. It does, with the right amount of spice in them. Guys, you know what Smurf means? This is going to freak you out. It means experienced gamer posing as a newbie.

I mean, that's probably a slang thing, but that's what it means. Oh, do you think that might be slang? Fuck off, Bob. You know what I mean? There was no such thing as gamers when the Smurfs first came out. It had nothing to do with playing games.

Jesus Christ. Gamers when the Smurfs came out were people that did a lot of banging. Gamers. Well, fucking shit, man. There was still fucking Atari out and shit like that. ColecoVision. No, there wasn't. When did the Smurfs come out?

Want to know when the Smurfs came out? Yes, I want to know. I think they come out in the 50s. The 50s. Okay, you'll see. What does Smurf stand for? It's still telling me the same thing. You know what?

You know what else it means? I'm going to go have a nap. Are you, Ricky? Socialist men. Socialist men under red flag. That's another meaning. Socialist men under red flag. That's another meaning. Socialist men under red flag? Yep.

See, there's some dark and dirty secrets about this show, boys. I'm telling you right now. Smurf. Smurf. Okay, here it is. In French, it's Les Schnaupenhofs. Good to know. Schnaupenhofs. Good to know.

Schnupenhofs? Based on German strumpf stocking or sock. Okay? Don't tell me the fucking Smurfs were little Nazis, were they? Based on a regional German use for idiot. See? It's the fucking Germans, man. I'm telling you.

They got some serious dirty shit going on here with this fucking cartoon. What the fuck have you been drinking today, man? You're weird today. A lot. I know. I have been drinking a lot. I couldn't sleep last night, so I've been drinking. All right.

I'm not going to be fucking thinking about Smurfs all night. What the fuck, Smurf? Well, I need some better drugs or a better buzz on to continue this Smurf conversation any further. I'm very, very tired all of a sudden, boys. I don't know. I ate some edibles, but holy fuck. I feel like I've got the diabetes. Maybe I got the beaties.

Everybody's schedules are all fucked up from this. The 19 and the vid or whatever it's called COVID-19 I stay up late I sleep in then I get up early I go to bed early it's just everything's a god damn mess I don't sleep boys I just can't wait until it's done. I have not been sleeping.

I'm coming home soon. I can't take it any longer. You can't do it, man. You're going to be like these fuckers out in the beaches and shit in the bars and stuff. I did my part. I did good. I've been in the goddamn woods for how long?

Two months now? I did what I had to. I'm impressed. I did good. So if anybody else did what I did, we'd be through this. So I deserve to come home. You know what we got to do? We got to fucking get in the car, all right?

We either got to go to New Brunswick, Prince Edward Island, or Newfoundland because there's, like like nobody with it there. Like it's all done. What's closest? New Brunswick, man, big time. We can get there in two and a half hours. The border's closed to New Brunswick. You can get right through that fucking border, Bob's, easily.

I don't imagine we'd be out here just breaking into New Brunswick. No, probably not. I'm just saying. Okay, what about this? Are the strip clubs still like up and running, do you think, in New Brunswick? They had one place there that was really good.

And, jeez, isn't it? I think so. That place was great, man. Okay, so... You can't get a lap dance Or anything can you I don't know I've never been I would go

I would go into that Fucking strip club Full on garbage bags Right now To get a lap Lap dance Well I do know That sex doll sales

Are through the goddamn roof So Something's gotta give For sure Really Yeah Try to order one Alright I'm gonna do that right now.

I'm awful tired, boys. Awful tired. All right, let's go have a nap. Let's go have a fucking nap. We'll get back on the phone later. Do you want to have a nap, Jerry? Just a second. I'm seeing the Vangie's is open.

Closed. Ricky, do you want to go to New Brunswick? I don't know. I guess we could go to Moncton Moncton school Two and a half hours away. We could probably get there in two hours And we're laughing. I think it is not close. Just a second. Fuck. I'd like it. You can't go by no maps No is why? It opens at 7 o'clock Just a second. Fuck. Red liquor stores open? You can't go by Google Maps. No. Boys. What? It opens at 7 o'clock.

Are you fucking kidding me? We could get there, like, easily. We could get there, get drunk, and be in there. Right. First people in there at 7 o'clock. You can't trust Google. It's not open. They're not allowed to be open.

It is an essential service, isn't it? Fucking right it is. In the U. be open. It is an essential service, isn't it? Fucking right it is. In the U.S., it was declared an essential service. So I didn't realize, but yeah, so strippers are frontline workers. I didn't know that. We didn't thank them. Absolutely. They are frontline.

And you know what? This place is open Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday. Closed for the rest of the week, 7 o'clock till 2 o'clock in the morning. Our day is set, boys. Alright. I'll go. I'm coming out of the woods. I'm going to pack some underwear. Have a shower. Change my shirt finally.

And I'll be ready to go. Boys, we should get all decked out in black suits or something. Put the cork clothes on. You know what I mean? I don't know, man. All right. I'm fucking doing it. Well, I think it's probably nap time, boys.

All right. Get packed up, boys. Go have a nap, Bob. So I'm going to get everything ready. I'm going to go gas up the car. And I'll be back at the park probably in one hour. Hopefully I can find my way home. I wish I had a compass.

Not that I know how to read one. Just do what Toucan Sam does. What does he do? Look at the sun? Follow your nose. What? Follows his nose. Oh.

Put something on the barbecue and I'll be able to smell it And I'll be home Alright Bubz Throw in some barbecues We're gonna fucking take some with us Because we don't want to go In any restaurants I don't have any money anyway

But Get some food ready Bubz Okay Say bye Julian Bye everybody I hope This place is open tonight And

Maybe we'll be in a better mood If it is Next week So We're trying to go to a strip club in New Brunswick. We are going to a strip club. We'll be there by five o'clock, six o'clock latest. I just can't wait to eat something. We're going to the right place, my friend.

I need some food. Not, You know what I mean? Anyway. Goodbye, everybody. Hope you're staying safe. Till next time. Be safe, fuckers. See ya. Cheers. Tune in next week when it's the same fucked up shit.