Trailer Park Boys Presents: Park After Dark - Season 5 Episode 1 - Boys vs. Wild

Episode Date: May 29, 2023

Attention Bear Grylls: The Boys have a wilderness challenge for you - and yep, it's f**ked! They discuss Bubbles' treasure-hunting obsession, why orcas are dicks, and starting the F**ked-Up Animal Company. Plus: If you didn't want Ricky to steal your boat, ya shouldn't have left the f**kin' keys in it!

To see the video version of Park After Dark in Ricky's trailer, go to SwearNet.com or download the Trailer Park Boys SwearNet app. Bubz, you're daydreaming again, man. What's on your fucking mind? Daydreamer? You're like a daydreamer these days. You're just offreaming again, man What's on your fucking mind? Daydreamer? You're like a daydreamer these days You're just off in the fucking clouds, man I'm not daydreaming

I'm banked out of my mind Okay, well you're doing a lot of drugs then, aren't you? Is it the metal detection? Has it fucked you up to the point where you just... No, it's the weed you keep feeding me, Ricky You don't have to keep doing it oh it's rude not to i agree here's here's a question i got for you so have you broken even doing this metal detecting shit like how many batteries have you gone through in the past month

less than i found hundreds less than i found in the ground, helping the environment. Well, fuck the environment on this. It's money, okay? If you're spending way too much money on batteries and you're not making enough with the shit you're finding, then that is not good for business. That's not good business, man.

That's when you've got to pack it up. I don't even know what you're talking about. Just going like this. In here, and then she's just floating right out there. Okay, all I'm saying, don't become to me for fucking battery money, because it's fucked. Batteries? What are we talking about batteries for? For your metal detector. Oh.

I know you're going through batteries, man. Not that many. Bullshit. All right, it's May the 2-6. Welcome to Park After Dark. We're still recovering from the fucking May 2-4 long weekend.

We got a little squirrely. That was a good one. I guess it's not really any different than any other weekend. Well, we spent a couple days in the woods. Fuck that over. Every weekend's kind of a long weekend for us, I guess. Wow. Yeah.

I love long weekends. You know what I don't like about the May long weekend? The fucking black flies, man. Oh, no, man. And we got to... What the fuck? Why did we steal a boat? That was dumb.

Because... We could have gotten serious shit for that. You're the one that fucking... You were the captain of the ship. That's why. Did we crash a plane? We didn't crash a plane, did we? No, we crashed the fucking boat, Bob. We did manage to... But we were like... We didn't

sink, but we came close to sinking. What is the call when you get up on the end? Plane. Plane. We were planing. Maybe that's why I thought we crashed a plane. I heard somebody say, we're playing. We're playing it all right. I just don't know why the guy would build his wharf that far out in the water.

It's hard to see it at night. It's not a wharf. It's one of those fucking things people hop on and they'd sunbathe and they'd jump off and they'd have fun, man. Well, it's destroyed now. So is the boat. Whose boat was it? Well, that's the beautiful part. We have no idea.

But, I mean, if you're going to park a boat on the waterfront and leave the keys in it, what do you expect? That was dumb. I guess. It's basically saying, hey, take me for a ride. I guess you're expecting people not to steal it. It's basically a public boat. It taught him a lesson.

No. You should not fucking trust people. People will fuck you. I mean, keys are just the reason why we have keys. Yeah, that's to turn things on. You don't leave them on the machine. You're turned on right now? I stole the backhoe.

Am I what? Did you say you're turned on right now? See? You got to, like, buzz. If you take a key and insert it into his left breast, it turns right up. Starts up the muscle motor. Starts a few other things.

Do you have independent muscle motors, or is it one big soaring engine right in the middle of your chest? It's not a muscle motor, man. You know what? It's that a muscle motor, man. But I need, you know what? We need, it's that time of the year. You know, this is when the fucking animals start mating. We are animals. I think they've mated, haven't they?

Have they? I think the babies will be popping out pretty soon. They make them that quick, do they? No, there's deep winter banging, usually which results in people getting knocked up, and then they have babies around this time of the year. But isn't it like bunnies start fucking like crazy right now? I think everything's fucking crazy.

There's bunnies everywhere in Sunnyvale. I don't know if you guys have noticed this, but we are being taken over by fucking bunnies. I think those are cats. No, they're bunnies. No, they've got fucking long ears, man. They're definitely bunnies. They better not be banging my cats. Fucking cat-bunny hybrid would be cool. They're such anies. They better not be banging my cats. Fucking cat-bunny hybrid would be cool.

They're such a thing. Cabits. Cabits? Cat rabbits. We could sell the fuck out of those all over the world. Oh, fuck. I would even buy a cabbit. No, they have health problems. They're not the greatest pets. What kind of health problems do they have? Ah, their legs come off.

Do they purr? They purr. They bunny purr? They purr. They bunny purr, yeah. Jump like motherfuckers. They've got very powerful back legs. They've got like rabbit back legs, but a cat face and sometimes rabbit ears. Did you see that fucking, there's a bunch of baby rabbits hopping around. The mother, I guess, ate the baby's ears.

I didn't know rabbits did that shit. They'll do that. Why? Because it was Easter. And she thought... Maybe the mother wasn't being... The ears are always the thing you bite off first when you get a chocolate bun. That's chocolate. I'm talking about actual fucking bunnies.

I didn't know mother bunnies fucking eat baby ears. The mother must not have been fed properly. I don't know what it is, man. Or maybe rabbit ears are a tasty snack. But you know what I'm thinking? These little baby bunnies look like baby hippos or something. We could sell them as baby hippos. Who does?

These little fucking rabbits. They look kind of like hippos. They're earless, man. Do hippos have fur? No, but people are stupid. They'll say, oh, fuck, look at this. Like, just a cabot. We got cabots. We got baby hippos. Baby hippos have fur? No, but people are stupid. They'll say, oh, fuck, look at this. Like, just a cabot. We got cabots.

We got baby hippos. Baby hippos. With fur. Hey, say the fur fucking. So you're talking about starting like the fucked up animal company. Exactly. And you could be the main guy, bubs. The fucked up cute and cuddly animal company.

I'd love to start the fucked up animal company. Well, let's start up the fucked up animal company. I'd love to start the fucked up animal company. Let's start up the fucked up animal company. Cross-breeding weird animals. You might have to get those fucking things, the syringe, to suck out some, you know, some of the deal. Who would you cross a squirrel with? Anything.

Fuck. A chihuahua. A squawawa. A squawawa would be an awesome fucking animal. A squawkadile. A squawawa. A squawawa would be an awesome fucking animal. A squawcadile. A squawcadile. Yeah, a squirrel crocodile. There's this fucking guy.

I read the story. This guy in Thailand, he's drinking this shit. What he does every morning, he wakes up, takes some crocodile blood, mixes it with fucking some alcohol they got there. I can't pronounce it. Drinks that in the morning. Has another one before he goes to bed. The guy's like invincible. No, what he is, what he is, it's called crazy. Well, no, he's feeling a lot fucking better.

So maybe. Placebo. Maybe. I was going to say, yeah, whatever that is. That's what it is. Placebo. Placebo? Yeah.

No, but this other guy's doing it as well, man. He's like, crocodile fucking farmer? Yeah, well, I smoke a joint. I feel invincible. Oh, look at that. All right, I'm just saying. It tastes a lot better than fucking crocodile blood. I'm just saying.

I can't see that. Maybe we should test out things like bunny blood and booze. See what that fucking does to you. That sounds like a fun night. I hope there's no squats running around. That's what I don't need. A cat that banged a rat? A squirrel.

Oh, squats. Squats. Squirrel cats. Squirrel and a bat. Squabats. Squabats. It's a squabat. Squabats are pretty close to squirrels anyway.

They're very similar. So what if you got to take the load from a fucking bat, shove it into a cat, and you got a flying cat? No. Don't want that. Cat and a bat. What would you call that?

I don't think you could mix a bird with a cat. No. Fuck, I don't know, man. The hearts would be all fucked up. There's gotta be something there, Bubsy. You can make us some cash. I mean, people, they want something different these days. It's a good idea. Fuck the animals. I'm not

starting a fucked up animal company. You know what we do? We get the ladies at the park, you know, like Elvina. She's good at knitting and shit like that. Get her to fucking make a stuffed animal of us. Scabatta or whatever. Something like a chibatta? Something like that.

Get them, like, the stuffed animals first, and then start drilling loads into different animals, and boom, you got them. You're not going to start banging animals, are you? No, not our. I'm talking about... This went too far. I don't know. Next thing we're talking, like a parrot banging a duck. I don't know what the fuck that was. A paddock.

A paddock. A derret. A derret. A colorful duck. A derret. And you can only find these fucked up animals at Sunnyville. People will be coming from all over the world, man. Probably get a thousand bucks. Oh, I thought you were going to be selling them online. Yeah, you should be.

Like the load combos where you just put it in on her. Oh, no, no, no, no. Load all that. No, we're not dealing with. Someone's got to deal with the load. It's not going to be us. So what are you going to sell? Just the eggs and the load?

The actual fucking cabbage or whatever you want to call it. The animal. Yeah. Okay. The litter of them. Are you going to guarantee it? Or does it come with a this could die any second? No guarantees.

Holy fuck. Man, I'm telling you, May the 26th? What a day to get born. Because... Oh, no, that wouldn't work. How does it work? What's nine months before... No, I was going to say...

What is nine months before May? Weekend. What is it? Let's count all those... You can do this, Julia. Okay. October. No, it's May 24, May. What is it? Let's count it as... You can do this, Julian. Okay, October. No, it's not October. Yeah, around October, November, December, January, February, April, May. That's eight months. So September.

There's a lot of bang going on in September. People are fucking before what? The end of summer? End of summer blues. Got to get the fucking banging going to get back up there. Last weekend of the summer, honey. Let's make this a bang fest. You are open for business.

I'm going to fucking put the blocks to you. Yeah. Miles Davis. Woo. Why are we talking about breakfast so early in this? Because I'm just blown away by the fucking... You guys know how much I fucking hate birthdays, man. Miles.

I know. Miles who, a good one? Davis. Leave on helm. Wasn't he in a fucking song? He was in a lot of songs. He was in the band, Ricky. You know that guy that played the piano?

Didn't he have a song about Levon? Levon? Levon. I don't know. He's probably been mentioned in several songs. All right, here's Gary Peterson, drummer for the Guess Who? Oh, okay. Stevie Nicks, big fucking name.

Imagine if they all made a band. Hank fucking Williams Jr. We are going to be cranking the shit out of some fucking music tonight, boys. Stevie Nicks. Lenny Kravitz. Didn't you? Oh, no. Lauryn Hill.

They shouldn't form a super group, all these people. This is fucking crazy. John Wayne. Ever heard of him? Yeah. The dude. Somebody Julian wants to bang? Pam Greer.

Hmm. Pam Greer. Hmm. Pam Greer. Jackie Brown. Oh. Somebody else Julie wants to bang, Bobcat Goldthwait. Bobcat? No, man. No.

He's an handsome fella. No, he's not. He's Bobcat, man. Helena Bonham Carter. Yeah. Matt Stone. One of the co-creators of South Park. Fuck, this is a Bonham Carter. Yeah. Matt Stone. One of the co-creators of South Park. Fuck, this is a good day to get born.

Jack Kevorkian. Oh, he should have been more active on this day. He was the abortion guy? Yes. Doctor Death. Is that guy dead? Oh, no, he's not the abortion guy. He's the guy that helps you kill yourself.

Oh, yes. Kevorkian was the assisted suicide, Doctor Death. Is he still around? Oh, no, he's not the abortion guy. He's the guy that helps you kill yourself. Oh, yes. Kevorkian was the assisted suicide, Dr. Death. Is he still around? Killed himself. No, he didn't. No, I'm just joking. Is he still killing people? He's like, I put my money where my mouth is.

If he is still alive, he would be fucking, like, 95. So he could be still killing. He could be still blessing people with the death. David Edgerton, founder of Burger King. Edgerton. Wow, I didn't know there was, I didn't know about that. And Sally Ride. Sally Ride.

Sally Ride. First female astronaut. No, first American woman to go to space. She's hot, too. Ride, Sally Ride. I think this is the craziest day for born days ever maybe may 21 is it today 26 okay bobs use your head if you can figure out the math we've been doing these fucking this show for how long years 18 years seems like it four i think all right so tell me how many times on a Friday

did these birthdays come up in the last hour long? Like, you know what I'm saying? Are we talking about them over and over again? Or just once or twice? I think we've probably... No, because the Fridays shift each year. I know, that's what I'm saying, but it's got to come back. I don't remember this one ever.

Stevie Nicks, come on. Because we're talking about her blowing cocaine up her ass. That's got to be a birthday fucking conversation. Maybe it wasn't a birthday, though. Okay. You blew cocaine up her ass? That was people used to. She, you know, that's what she used to do, man.

She burned her septum out. She burned a hole through it. She's fucking, she's getting up know, that's what she used to do, man. She burned her septum out. She burned a hole through it. She's fucking, she's getting up there, too. She's like 75 today. Yeah, Stevie Nicks is older, getting older. She's still hot, though. She can still sing like a motherfucker. Not as hot as Dolly, but hot.

Yeah, Dolly looks good. Jolie, Jolie, Jolie, Jolie. That girl from Hurt still looks good. She can still sing like aene, Jolene. That girl from Heart still looks good. She'll still sing like a motherfucker, too. Yeah. Barracuda. What's her name? I don't know.

It's going to drive me fucking nuts. There's Nancy and... Who's the blonde? Is that Nancy? No. Oh, I can't think of their names. I should be able to. Me, too.

It's fucking brutal. I wonder if they're part... There's a whole thing now that people are, like, trying to reverse their aging. You know what I'm saying? That shit's going down. Yeah?

They're gonna say, like, in 10 years, you'll be able to take these pills and... Holy fuck, I'm not gonna age anymore. I'm not 80. I'm 70.

Yeah. No, I'm down to 60. Down to 60. Oh, I got myself down to 30. I think that'd be pretty cool, man. Although there would be some people... Just what you need when the earth starts going on fire. Yeah.

But then there's people that are irritating the fuck out of you, like, holy fuck, this guy's on those anti-aging pills. He's going to be around a lot longer. He's going to drive me fucking nuts. And he's a dick. The murder rate's going to go up. He's going to be fucking driving me nuts longer than i thought motherfucker and i'm gonna be old and rickety and he's gonna be young driving me even more crazy i'm gonna be old and ricky

yeah old and ricky you know i don't get there's a story here about this dude. He went into like a epileptic fucking seizure or something. Started choking or whatever. He had a grill in his mouth. He didn't know what happened to it, right? He went to the doctor but months later the guy's coughing his fucking guts up. He's like, something wrong with me. They took an

x-ray. Swallowed the fucking grill. It's in one of his lungs. What the fuck good lung what a it went down it's great in the tube man i don't get the grills man no i don't get them i think they're kind of cool just because they're worth money what about bear grills you like him yeah he's uh he's he's he's a survivalist, man. That guy can survive anything. Yeah, he's pretty good.

If there's any kind of nuclear war... Would he survive swallowing a grill into his lung? Yeah, I think so. What about a bear grill? A bigger one that would fit a bear. No, definitely a bear grill. I could put him in a situation he wouldn't survive. Why? I don't know.

I'd come up with something. You know what? That's what we got to do. Let's't know. I'd come up with something. You know what? That's what we gotta do. Let's hear it. I'm interested. We gotta get on his show and fuck him over and like, what the fuck, Bear? Get us out of this. What would it be, Ricky? What do you think your situation

would be that would end Bear Grylls? He was SAS, wasn't he? He's a fucking... He knows his shit. It doesn't matter. You're dealing with him. You don't think he can come up with something? I'd like to put him in two five-gallon buckets full of concrete, just his feet.

Okay. And then drop him into a swamp out of a helicopter. Good luck, bud. I mean... With a fucking butter knife. That's all he gets. So... I wonder how...

No, he wouldn't make it. Well, he might. He'd be chipping away. He might. He'd be chipping, but then, you know, a gator would come at him, and he would get it, and he would do it in with the butter knife, and then he'd eat it. So he's got protein.

He'd be under there. If a gator came at him, he'd cut it open, haul it out, stick the tail up out the water, use it as a snorkel. Yeah, he might. He'd do shit like that. He might. As he's chipping away at the fucking concrete. All right.

That wasn't a good one. I mean, it's highly unlikely he could make it out of that one. It would be tough. I'd watch that show. If you had concrete boots on. Let's try to kill Bear Grill. See what happens. We should

pitch a show to Bear Grill called The End of Bear Grills. Question mark. We try to end them. I'm sure we could come up with some fucked up scenarios that would totally fuck them up. They get them high.

We've never seen the guy high out of his fucking mind. How about this one? How about we lay him on a raft, chain him right down to a raft, right? And cover him in Cresco oil. Oh, God. And float him out to sea. Like naked? Maybe he could have one loincloth.

Okay. Or a pouch. Tarzan. A pouch. A penis pouch. A penis pouch. Crisco oil over him. And then what do you want to do with him?

Then he's floating. You float him out. Mm-hmm. I mean, I guess he wouldn't really have any chance. Then he would just cock to death and that would be the end of Bear Grylls get out of it i don't think i think he would get out of it man i don't know his only hope would be a cloudy day yep yeah maybe that one wouldn't give him enough of a chance he wouldn't have a fighting chance unless like a fish jumped out of the water and landed on his chest, and he could take little nibbles of it or something.

Yeah, you gotta give him something. Give him like a jackknife or something. Yeah, he needs a fighting chance, I suppose. Maybe one hand free? If he had one hand free, that's different. Or one foot. One foot. Just one leg.

And is it in a concrete pocket? No. Okay, so he doesn't have his concrete boots on. I don't know. I think we should pitch it to him, man. You know how to pitch a story idea to some network or something? I think I could. You should cover him in blood, too. Sharks would like that.

Oh, they'd smell it. They'd smell it. Well, no, and you have a vial of blood taped to the side of the raft that's given a couple drops an hour that's a good idea oh you know what a couple drops an hour throw them in the fucking ocean i was thinking river ocean you know what the fucking orca those killer whales are doing lately what they're coming at people they're fucking yeah i got it right here fucking over boats man they're boats, like yachts. The juvenile orcas are learning now to run at the fucking, yeah, the fucking, what do you call it?

The rudders of boats. The rudders. And they're fucking snapping them off. And the mother's teaching them how to fucking do it. For what reason? They sunk four boats last week. They think it's revenge. They think the mother got fucked over by a boat or maybe a fishing net.

And she's like, fuck this bullshit. We're going to take these cocksucking floating things out of there. Or they're just getting smarter. They're saying, fuck humans. We're taking them down. They just don't like boats because boats fuck the water. I don't think that's going to end well for the orcas, to be honest. People are going to start mounting.50 caliber machine guns on their yachts.

Yeah, they say it's learned behavior. The mother's fucking showing them how to do it and where to get the boats, and then the little fucker's like, oh, this is fun. So the mom's there with four other fucking babies, little calves, and they're just ramming the shit out of boats, man.

500 orca ship interactions in the last three years. Yeah, well, four boats were, they sank four boats last week. One of them was a fucking pretty big yacht. Really? Like 110 feet long. How did they sink that? Fucking rudders and shit, man. Well, when they ran the fucking rudder, it must have put a hole in the cocksucker.

Yeah. Holy fuck. It sunk it, man. It's kind of terrifying being attacked by orcas. Because, yeah, then all of a sudden, okay, I'm going to get into my little lifeboat and fucking go to shore. No. No. Then they just come up. Then they're urine. Lay on. Urine like fucking. I'm pretty sure or into my little lifeboat and fucking go to shore? No. No. Then they just come up.

Then they're laying on you. I'm pretty sure orcas have pretty big teeth. Yeah. Did you ever see the movie Orca? No, I did. Did you ever see Free Willy? I saw the porn version with your mother. It was called Porka.

Yeah. I'm not going to fucking dish this out man do you remember how orca ended no i don't no did i see that movie yeah how did i not we were really oh i was terrified is that the drive-in that we want to give me last give me the fucking cole's notes He's a killer whale that seeks revenge. I should have thought that. And the last... Why is he pissed off? I can't remember. Did they kill his baby or something?

Oh, that'll do it. Mixed up with Jaws, man. Jaws and... No, no, Orca. I remember the final scene of Orca. Buddy's out there on a fucking piece of ice that gets snapped off, and it's out there. Fucking Orca comes over, and he's all fucked over

and he's, you know, chunks missing out of him and he just can't. And he just takes his last bit of fucking strength and he goes up and he lands on the ice and the ice tilts up like that. And he's just there with his mouth open, orca. But he slid down. But he slid right down.

That's awesome. Down he goes into Orca's mouth. Didn't he jump over some big embankment to save a boy? Well, that's Free Willy. That's Free Willy, man. Different movie? Different movie. Same type of thing.

He didn't kill anybody. Free Willy. He didn't kill anybody. He was a nice whale. He should have. He was a family whale. He was a Disney whale. Yes should have. He was a family whale. He was a Disney whale. Yes.

This is sounding very trailer park. This man who was wanted for murder, well, not the murder part. This guy was wanted for murder. He got arrested after being shot by a three-year-old toddler. You've been shot by three-year-olds. Three-year-olds shot this guy and his mother. Shot two people. Yeah, and the cops arrived and were like,

there you are, bud. You're wanted for murder. What a fucking horrible day that would be for that guy. Get shot by a three-year-old, and then you get arrested for murder. Oh, my God. What did the kid get? Anything?

Jail? I don't think the kid got anything. Wait, who was wanted for murder the guy yeah the old guy that got shot yeah oh i thought the two-year-old no he didn't he didn't murder anyone he just shot them they were okay i think three years old shooting people fuck well when how old was mo when he blew your bag off yeah i guess he was only around three how um how did that ever heal up ricky i know it's not great no do you want to have a look no that's why i haven't seen it i didn't want to go looking at your scrote but some weird little markings and is it like a donut is your back like a donut with a hole right through it the hole's gone oh really gone. Oh, really? It grew over? He helped sew it up.

I sewed it up. No, I didn't leave a donut hole in it. Some weird Americans and bumps. It's definitely not professional. Why would you sew it up and leave a donut hole? Just to fuck with them a bit, man. Donut bag. I guess I should have.

We could have called him Tim Horton. This is another fucking odd one. This man was in prison in Georgia and he kind of pulled a Shawshank but it wasn't to escape. He wanted to fucking attack this other inmate. So he tunnels a hole through a shower stall

that goes into the next cell block. You see he tunnels his way into the next cell block, goes in with if the tunnel is way into the next cell block, goes in with a bunch of shanks and stabs the fuck out of this guy. Seems like an awful lot of work to get back at someone. Well, what else does he have to do? If you've got that on your mind... No, but if you're going to tunnel, don't you try to get out?

But how would he have tunneled into the guy's cell without the guy hearing him? No, he got into the next cell block. Oh, the next cell block. I don't know if the showers cell showers are back to back or what the fuck the deal was oh i see fucking got a hole about this big you can fit right through it and went in there and fucking stabbed the fuck out of buddy seems odd that nobody in the other cell block noticed the hole forming yeah it is kind of weird. You know? Oh, listen. Helicopter.

Helicopter. Helicopter sucker. Please don't be a cop helicopter looking for weed plants. They're not going to... It's awful close. They're not looking for weed plants anymore, are they? It's legal. Oh, they want the illegal crops.

It's flying awful fucking close, boys. Cutting into the profits of the government. That's right. You know what I don't understand? I don't understand wine drinkers, man. People are like spending thousands of bucks on wine and you drink, you're like, I can't tell. We've had some pretty fancy wines over the years.

But guess what? The supermarket wine that cost $2.70 just won the gold medal what the supermarket wine that cost two dollars and seventy cents just won the gold medal at the international wine contest two buck chuck two buck chuck is that what it is don't know it's two dollars and seventy cents but it won the international gold medal man that's so wine is fucked wine is a fucking well that's the thing with wine scam doesn't have to be expensive. It just has to be fine. Yeah, but who knows what a fine wine is?

The fucking guy that knows what a fine wine tastes like. Not me, but some people do. Some people can taste wine and say, oh, this is from such and such in the fucking west side of the mountain. Some people, yes, they can tell you what side of the fucking hill the grapes were growing on. You know what that is? That's showing off.

I can understand if you're doing that to try to get banged, but come on, guys, don't make your fucking, like, rivalry. And are they full of shit? I think they're full of shit. No, because the experts taste the same. Fucking good. And then everyone's like going, this tastes like shit. But yeah, it's good.

You know what I mean? Don't get it. I find the word. How many judges picked the one, the $2 one? Oh, Bob, you're fucking killing me. Is it down to one guy? Maybe he's just an old wino that they hired. This one's called Gilbert Guilferi-Gillard?

Gilbert Godfrey. No, it's something like that. He's got a what? No, he's passed away. Okay. Oh, yeah. Gilbert Godfrey died, yeah. That sucks.

He was funny. He was funny. He was amazing. I don't know. I'm sure these guys are going to jack the price up to like a thousand bucks a bottle after this, though. No, they'll maybe put her up to $325 or something. Yeah, from $270? Yeah, they put her up a quarter or something. They won the fucking lottery, man.

Here's another fucked up one. This guy was caught trying to smuggle. He was arrested. And before they put him in the jail, they caught him. He had a pair of scissors up his ass. He was trying to smuggle into the prison. Oh, my God. Eight and a half inches.

Whoa. That's a big pair of scissors. Pointy ones are scissors. They don't make rounder ones. Not eight inches long. No, that's a big pair of scissors. Pointy ones are scissors. They don't make rounded ones. Not eight inches long. No, that's it. Child scissors are not this long. No, I saw the picture.

It was like a full-on pair of scissors with handles. I mean, I don't know how the fuck he got the handle in there. But if someone came up to you, like scared you or whatever, and you went, ah! Fucking right through your intestine, man. Was it Ian anything? Ian didn't swallow them. He fucking shoved them up his ass. Were they in a case? Yeah, but eight inches. There's got to get up there and around

the intestines and shit, man. You think he put them in like a tube, a round case, and then just go full power right in with it? That would have made more sense. I don't know. Did he go handles first or pointy end first? You know what he should have done? I think maybe handles first. You could probably get it over with.

I mean, if you do, like you put one handle in and then you kind of bend it up and get the other one. Oh, but then they're like this. You get the sharp fucking things going. Oh, yeah, no, you can't have that. No, man, you need handles first. Geez. Handles first. See, I would put it in a tube.

That would be smart. You know, like a cylinder and then just lube her up and fucking full bore. In she goes. Then you can just do it quick. I know how we can make some money. Find fucking idiots like that. Yeah, no, have a show. Whatever.

There's a name there. And have videos of these people fitting things up their ass to take into jail to see if they get in or not. Today on Urson Around. Dougie tries to smuggle in a fucking Tonka truck for his buddy. I would watch that show. When we went to the Hilton, I mean to Nashville, we didn't stay at the Hilton, did we or did we?

I don't believe so. I don't remember that either. Well, it might have been. I thought we did for some reason. But anyway, recently, a guest woke up, and there was a man sucking on his toes. Oh, it was the manager. What?

That's true. He's on the news. And he recognized, like, wait a second second you're the manager why he's sucking he woke up in the middle of the night the manager of the hotel was in his room knelt down sucking on his toes oh my god but what would you do in that situation pound the shit out of him probably what if i don't know the first one know, toe sucking. The first one would be a kick to the head. The other toe that wasn't getting sucked off would go right into the guy's face. And then he'd be thrown out the window.

But would you enjoy it for a minute and then kick him? No, man. You got a dude sucking on your fucking toe. Come on. Look at that. Would you? I don't know. You would let the sucking go on? I don't know. You would let the sucking go on for a while.

I don't know. I can't answer it honestly. You would. You'd have to be in the situation. You know what? We got to get Randy to suck on his toe when he's all passed out. Wake up with that. There's something about a good toe suck once in a while.

Okay. Wow. Look at you. Edibles? No, I'm just. Is that floating in your world? Yeah, man. What the fuck are you doing, Bob?

I was levitating it. All right, we got to go. I got shit to do. All right, we're cranking the fuck out of some music today. Who are we starting with? Stevie Nicks. Stevie Nicks. I've got to hear a bit of Miles Davis at some point.

All right, we'll ease into it with Miles then. Roll up one of those jazz cigarettes. Little Lenny Kravitz. Roll up one of those jazz cigarettes when Little Lenny Kravitz. Roll up one of those jazz cigarettes when I listen to Miles Davis. All right. Thanks for watching Park After Dark. Cheers, motherfuckers.

To watch the video version of Park After Dark in my fucking trailer, go to SwearNet.com or download the SwearNet Trailer Park Boys app. Fuck off.