Trailer Park Boys Presents: Park After Dark - TPB in Quarantine - Episode 6

Episode Date: May 11, 2020

Forget donairs, corndogs and dirty old steak, the Boys are living on a lockdown diet of deep-fried beetles, clover and vintage soda! Bubbles considers the pros and cons of buying a $400,000 banging mattress, and Ricky wonders about cannibalism and having a spider as a friend. The Boys also raise a toast to TPB crew legend Shaun Clarke!

Hey boys, what's going on? Hey Bob, how are you buddy? I'm fucking... What's up boys? I'm fucking good. Look at this, I'm just looking around, looking at you guys, eh? Just, while I'm just sitting here in the trailer with you, this is all real stuff. How's the King of Luxury there, Julian?

Ah, not too bad. I'm getting a little squirrely though, man. You know what I'm saying? Squirrely? Well, yeah, squirrely. Like you're sitting around by yourself all the time. It's starting to get to me, man. I'm getting sick of eating squirrels. Yeah, I can imagine. So you know what? We're not doing that bad. I'm not going to fucking complain. I'm not going to fucking complain. I suppose.

Suppose. I'm doing all right, boys. No, thanks for asking. Good, Bubz. I hope so, man. Good, man. Right on. And I appreciate you hooking me up with that honey oil and, you know, some cooking oil, some flour. At least I can deep fry stuff now.

Everything tastes better deep fried. I've been deep frying, like, beetles. Did you get the soap I gave you to use on your bird? That was soap? What did you think it was? I thought it was like a snack. It didn't taste very good. That makes sense now.

No, Ricky, that was soap. I told you to wash your privates with it. That would have been good. You ate that? Yeah, it was awful. Well, I imagine. Some puffs. What? What's the shelf life for pop?

The shelf life on pop? Yeah. How long does pop last for? I don't know. It lasts a while, doesn't it? I don't know. I just went up into the attic of this place right yeah and i found this this big old two-four plastic case of uh pop shop pop shop pop shop man i think it's from back it says on it said on the bottle like 80 something 82 it was kind of worn

it was the back of the drink that i thought you meant like it, you know, maybe expired a month ago or something. You can't drink Pop Shop Pop from the fucking 80s. This is that Birch Spark? Like, what, the Birch Spark beer? Birch beer, man. That stuff was good. That was good. Well, this is what this is.

It doesn't... I'm not sure if it tastes shitty or if it's gone bad or... I just don't like birch beer don't know man christ i wouldn't be fucking touching that with a 10 foot pole it's kind of weird man it's flat there's no fizz to it oh man i feel so bad for you yeah oh he's drinking flat pop what a fuckingvesty i have found some news new to eat though like you have to when you're in survival mode like do you know you can eat cattails can eat what cattails yeah you i hope you're referring to the flower ricky yeah not sorry man

no no not like an actual kitty cat tail when You fucking better not be eating any part of the cat. I thought he was talking about cat tails. Like actual cat tails. No, no, the plant. You can actually eat the whole thing. Now, the white stuff kind of made my belly a little upset, but everything else wasn't too bad. You can eat violets.

Just the flowers, though. They're pretty good. And the leaves. Don't eat the stalks. They made me sick I puked What else have I been eating? Well just little beetles and stuff

They're pretty good deep fried Salamander wasn't very good Crickets not bad Crickets are good for you A lot of protein in a cricket Yeah I've had crickets on different occasions I've had crickets When have you eaten crickets? Bull fucking shit I've had crickets on different different occasions i've had

when have you eaten crickets bull fucking shit i've had crickets no fucking way man you're afraid to even pick up a fucking cricket i'm not what are you talking about yeah i fucking showed you a cricket one time he almost freaked out man started screaming running around just deep. Years ago when I got into Fear Factor. Remember I was hooked on watching Fear Factor? I ate a cricket. I ate a cricket. And I ate

chocolate-covered ants. Remember I got chocolate-covered ants and ate those? See, chocolate-covered stuff would be good, too. Everything tastes better deep fried, but I bet chocolate would be good. You know what else? You should start eating a lot of julian what clover man clover it's supposed to be really high in protein it doesn't it doesn't taste that bad clover like a four leaf clover yeah i'm helping people survive here you get stuck get stuck in the woods big bowl of clovers with some ranch dressing on it would be lovely you know what i'm starting to get

used to this like if i can survive in the woods anybody can you just need to know what the hell to eat you can look it all up online you know what you you're probably going to be that you're going to be the healthiest one get you know once we get out of this thing you're going to be fucking healthy man i'm telling you i'm losing weight which isn't good so i just can't wait to eat like a bunch of fast food and pizzas and oh man i'm going to gain 20 pounds when this is done. At least, maybe 40. Ricky, why would you do that? Why would you do that?

Why don't you say, oh, look, the pandemic got me healthy. I should stay healthy. Why would you say, pandemic's over. I'm going to fucking just eat the shittiest food I can and gain weight. That's a terrible idea. Well, it's one of three ways to look at it. You can either do what you said and, you know, just be healthy, or you can be like, okay, I did that, and now I'm going back to normal.

I'm not going to make up for lost time. No, man. No, no, no. Like, you're eating fucking like a bowl of clover, Ricky. Like, eat a Caesar salad or something, man. Eat a salad. It'll taste like fucking gold compared to a of clover ricky you like eat a caesar salad or something man eat a salad they'll taste like fucking gold compared to fucking clover i read an article one time about health and said if you're if you're if you're a health for like six weeks then you don't have to be healthy for the rest of the year who the fuck said that it was in a smart magazine of some sort

just said do do six weeks and then you're good, bud. Live healthy for six weeks and then just fucking give her. Then just let her go to shit for the rest of the year and another six weeks. That doesn't sound accurate to me, Ricky, but maybe... You know what? You tell that to fucking Arnold Schwarzenegger or Sylvester Stallone,

man. They'll say you're on fucking crack. I think it was Sylvester Schwarzenegger that fucking said it, actually. No, bull fucking shit, man. They'll say you're on fucking crack. I think it was Sylvester Schwarzenegger that fucking said it, actually. No, bull fucking shit, man. Arnold Schwarzenegger and Schwarzenegger and Stallone are not the two best fucking people to be talking to when you're

talking about healthy and nutrition. Buzz, you fucking take that back, man. Oh my god. Jesus, Julian got upset that I insulted the almighty Schwarzenegger. They're the perfect fucking people to talk about when it comes to fucking health. Do they have perfect bodies? Well, Schwarzenegger's fucking been Mr. Olympia many, many times.

So you would say Arnold Schwarzenegger has the perfect male body, would you? It's the physique. He's got the... He had the ultimate... Oh, he's got the ultimate physique, does he, in your opinion? No, no, no, no, no. You know what? You're turning this

into something that you shouldn't be. I'm talking about hell. He's the man. He's Mr. Hell, okay? You said he has the perfect physique. The perfect, ultimate physique. If you were to say, I was going to date a man,

he would have the physique that I would want if I was going to date a man. That's basically what you're saying? Fuck you, man. Fuck you, bubs. It's about respect, man. It's basically what you're saying. Fuck you, man. Fuck you, bubs. It's about respect, man. It's Arnold fucking Schwarzenegger. Don't be dissing him, man. Who has it better for the

Schwarzenegger or Sloan? Come on. It's just they're two totally, totally different fucking physiques, man. Different physiques. So would you say one has like, you know, like a sexier upper body than the other one is that what you mean no i'm not saying that i'm saying fuck sakes pops if you could date one

during the week and then the other one on the weekends who would be your weekend one see why do you why do you even fucking mention his name man you guys are fucked i'm just i'm just saying, Sylvester Sloan, he's not a bodybuilder. He didn't compete to, well, maybe he did back when he was really young, but he wasn't fucking, that wasn't his thing, man. He was an actor.

He wanted to be Rocky, man. He's got like a boxer's body, right? Oh, so boxers have hot bodies too, do they? No, I'm just saying he's got the box... Like, why are you doing this to me, man? Because I like working the switcher.

I like switching back and forth. Like that. You and Stallone could shoot a porn called Ram Blow. Ram Blow. Why? Why? Just a bunch of ramming and blowing.

Rambo. You could be Rambo and Rambo. Real funny. Real funny. I'd love to do a movie with those guys. Boys, I was online. I got online thinking that I might want to. My mattress has a bit of an issue with my mattress. A

couple of my kitties let a couple of horrendous piss loads go on my mattress. Oh, Jesus. Well, it's hard, right? No, no, piss. Piss, they pissed on it, something fierce. So I got online and I was going to look up, you know, shop to see what, you know, a cheap mattress would cost. So I typed in cheap mattress and the most expensive mattress came up. You know who has the fucking most expensive mattress in the world? I know. You know who it is, Julian?

Yep. Who is it? And we know this guy. Yes. Drake. Drake. Drake. $390,000 mattress, man. All handmade.

Fuck, it'd probably be a good mattress. Why? I don't know. I didn't read about it, but that's what Drake's new mattress cost. That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard in my life. You know what you should do, Bubs? Go get a normal mattress and donate that money to me. Well, I'm saying, no, no, no.

Listen, he's already bought it, so fuck it. He slept on it. He's probably going to keep it. Bubz, you should get a hold of him and say, don't throw out the old fucking mattress, right? And get him to ship it down to you. I was thinking that, because even his old shitty mattress might be a hundred grand. Oh, fuck yeah. But there's a problem, because I've been thinking about this, I was thinking that because even his old shitty mattress might be a hundred grand.

Oh, fuck yeah. But there's a problem because I've been thinking about this because this is what I'm doing while I'm fucking here by myself. I'm thinking about you guys. Buffs, you might have to build a bigger shed. You might have to build the shed around the mattress because that's not going to fit in your shed, man. But it'd be worth the rebuild. If I'm going to build a bigger shed, I'm not going to build it just to fit in a bigger mattress. I'm going to put in an entertaining area. If I build a bigger shed, it's going to be, you know.

A mini home. Well, maybe. Maybe a mini home. No. You know what? You will no longer be living in the shed. You do that. You make something that big.

It's one of those mini homes, man. Yeah. Could be. Could be a mini home. Lots of people are fucking building them man right on trailers right yeah yeah 390 grand for a mattress almost shit my pants i did when i read that. Yeah, that's insane. You could say, hey, want to come see my mattress? But he's Drake. I mean, he's Drake. He can fucking do whatever he wants.

He's got game. He can do whatever the fuck he wants. He's the Drake man. Drake and Rowan. I still don't understand what a mattress that expensive would do. Would it do sexual things to you? Would it massage you at least? Does it have heat?

Does it switch from solid to a waterbed with the switch of a button? That'd be cool. I don't think it switches into a waterbed, Ricky. It would have to fill with water. And then where would all the foam go that's there? I'd say it's pretty fucking comfortable, though, man. You drop in that gasp. You don't need to test it out.

You just pay for it and then try it out, right? I suppose. Holy fuck. This is terrible, boys. This pandemic is fucking terrible. It's not letting up. You know, they're talking about just, it seems to me, they're reopening a whole bunch of the United States. Seems to me they're reopening a whole bunch of the United States.

I think they're just saying, fuck it, because they know that the death rate's going to go up, and they haven't met any of the criteria they're supposed to meet. So I don't know. It's like, and now there's murder hornets coming. Do you know about these fucking things, Ricky? Oh, my fuck. You watch yourself out in the woods, Rick. I heard you can eat them, though, so I'm looking forward to that. That's something different. Oh, man, you don't want to fuck about them. You watch yourself out in the woods, Rick. I heard you can eat them, though, so I'm looking forward to that.

That's just something different. Oh, man, you don't want to fuck with them. No, Ricky, a fucking... A murder hornet is about the size of... They're about... Well, about the size of your bird. They're about three inches long. So... Oh, really? That sounds like some good eating.

What does? Oh, man. murder hornet or your bird no i can't eat that sure well not that i've tried you know you know what i mean murder hornets people beekeepers are finding piles of bees with their heads pulled off do they eat the bees or they just kill them for fun i think they're i think they they just kill them for fun? I think they're just killing them for fun, basically. Well, yeah, they can kill a mouse. See the one where one was down wrestling around with this mouse and fucking stinging the shit out of him? No, I fucking didn't see that. Are you fucking kidding me? It can kill a mouse, man.

That's a little scary. Jesus. Guess what can kill this motherfucker? What? The praying mantis. Off goes the head. The praying mantis can pull off the murder hornet's head? It can kick the fuck out of it, man.

Okay, well. I don't think a praying mantis can even fly, can it? I don't know if a praying mantis. I don't fucking know, man. I don't know. Can they fly? I have no idea, but I'm going to be buying a few praying mantises to have laying around the old crib. Yeah, you should send me some in the mail.

It'll be good. Well, Ricky, you could probably find one out in the woods. Do we have praying mantises. Are they around here? We don't have praying mantises here, do we? I don't know. I think we have the non-religious type that don't pray.

Get it? Yeah, I get it. I never thought about that. Do they go to church or something, or why are they called that? No, because their arms, Ricky. They have those weird-shaped arms that are like, you know. That type of thing. I don't get it.

Yeah, their arms are not like normal arms, man. They're like this. So how come? And they put the head in this part, right? And off with the head. Oh, is that what they do? Yeah. How come some places are like opening back up if their cases are still on the rise?

That doesn't make sense to me. No, it's because they're fucked in the head, Ricky. Oh. That's all it is. It's a lot to do with business, man. You know what I'm saying? I understand.

People are suffering. They're not making any money. They're starving and shit, but you can't just open shit up and be like, okay, come on in and catch your coronavirus. Buy everything you can before you're dead in two weeks.

Can't be doing that either. We tried to contain it. It didn't work, so let's let everybody die. It's a terrible, terrible situation. You will get rid of a lot of the dumb people, which is I guess it's not a bad thing. I feel bad they're going to die, but

if they're dumb and they die, then we're old to be smarter. Well, don't wish too hard for the dumb people to be gone, Ricky, because you care for what you wish for. Why? You guys like dumb people now? I don't know. I like, yes, it depends, Ricky.

I like some dumb people. You might even say some dumb people are my best friends. Well, some dumb people are the nicest people I know. Actually, Bubs, I didn't know you and Corey and Jake were so close, Bubs. Actually, I hope they don't die. I mean, I don't want Jake to die. He's the father of my grandson. And Corey, I'd probably miss Corey.

Who the hell would do everything when I need shit done? Yeah, I don't want all the dumb people to die. Just the ones that I don't know. Yeah. Well, they're not going anywhere. I told the boys, fucking stay put. Don't be fucking going around people, and they're going to listen to me. So, even though they're dumb, they're going to

be smart about it. Man, people are going a little crazy. There's a lot of crazy shit going down. I heard there was some guy online that said that he would eat his neighbors if he had to, if it came down to it. If the food got low, he'd eat his neighbors. That was fucking Alex Jones from Infowars, that silly bastard. Is he serious?

Oh, he's as crazy as a fucking shithouse rat, Ricky. I'm glad I'm not living next door to him. I'd be moving pretty quick. Oh, I saw the clip where he's saying, I'm gonna fucking gut my neighbors and string them up and gut them and eat them. I mean, I wouldn't...

I wouldn't put it past him. Man. Wonder what his neighbors are thinking. Oh, I would think they're a him. Yeah. What are his neighbors thinking? Oh, I would think they're a little bit nervous. You know, if your neighbors start saying, I might fucking gut my neighbors and eat them on, you know, he's saying it online. You might want to take note. All right.

So if you were a neighbor there, would the best thing be like to go over, you know, in front of a housemate and say, Hey, man, what's going on? Want to fucking chat? You might want to. You might want to just be like, Hey, I saw online there you were saying you're maybe going to eat me and my kids. Maybe we should have a chat. Maybe show them your gun collection.

Say, just come here for a sec, bud. See my 27 guns? Maybe you better think twice before you try and eat me. Might be, you know, might be an idea. I don't like guns, though, Rick. You know that. I don't like guns. Yeah, but you know what, Bubz?

I don't like cannibals, man, even more. Well, that's true. Very true. I don't like guns, but I don't like cann Very true. I don't like puns, but I don't like cannibals. I don't like cocksuckers that are planning on eating me. So, you know.

I think if someone's trying to eat you, you do have a right to protect yourself. Absolutely, Ricky. If somebody's trying to take bites out of you, you are absolutely allowed to protect yourself. Good. I didn't know what the law was on that. You didn't know what the law was on if somebody's trying to fucking eat you,

you don't know if you're allowed to protect yourself? I just didn't think there probably, like, I didn't think there was a law for that. Like, I would never make a law like that. You wouldn't think it would ever happen. That's why I didn't. Is it illegal to take bites out of people? Yes.

Yes, man. If you're dying of hunger. It doesn't matter if you're dying of hunger. You're not allowed to take a bite out of somebody. Bobs, there is still fucking people out there that are cannibals, man. They're cannibals. They're fucking

eating. i understand that but it's not legal islands cannibal actor cannibal actor ate a lot of people didn't he yes ricky but he's not allowed he wasn't allowed to eat anybody he was doing it on the down low. Jesus. And that was a movie, man. It was based on a real thing, though. Yeah, your mama. Boys, is it like nap time?

What time is it? You know what? I had stuff to talk about, and now I can't remember what the hell any of it is. It sucks. I'm an idiot. Let's just talk about our feelings. What about? Talk about our feelings. How I'm going to need counseling when this is done? What do you want to talk about?

Could be. Ricky, do you think you need counseling? Yep. 100%. Well, then you should get it. There's no shame in it whatsoever. It's kind of like being a solitary, confined element. Yeah, it's a lot like that. A little bit. I mean, I'm... I am lonesome tonight.

That's Elvis. I knew that I was starting to lose my mind when I became friends with a spider. And he wouldn't talk back to me, but he was like a really good friend. He listened. Was he one of those big wood spiders? No, he was a dock spider. Big, pretty good size.

That's a fucking big spider, man. Yeah. He'd just sit there on my leg and listen to me. Then he'd leave for a bit and come back. Yeah. He's my only friend right now. Did you name this spider yet? Nope. Got any thoughts? Maybe listening. Maybe what?

Listening. Listening. Listening to spider. Listening to spider. listening yeah listening listening the spider we still didn't write our goddamn song ah fuck ricky working on it too but i left my goddamn notes in the car how did it go again what was it about changed a little bit. What was the basic premise? I can't even remember. I think it was wash your hands

and not touch your face. Oh, yes. We got it right there. Jesus. But it was getting, starting to get pretty good. It was. It was getting pretty good.

You yawning, Julian? Yeah, man. I'm just, you know, fuck. Gotta get up and do stuff, man. I would love to go to a place like the Aristocrat or something. Just sit there, have a good meal. Oh, fuck. I'd love to go to the

Aristocrat, have a fucking dirty steak. Oh, their steaks are garbage, but they're fucking, they'd be delicious right now. No, they're good. Deep fried pepperoni. Oh, I fucking hate it. Mozzarella sticks.

I would suck an apricot for some deep fried pepperoni. Oh, man, big dirty doner. That'd be good. Some poutine. Oh, fuck. I can't wait till they get fat again. Fuck. That'd be good. Some poutine. Oh, fuck. I can't wait till they get fat again. Fuck. Doner nachos.

Oh, yeah. Oh, fuck. Doner nachos would be nice. Fuck, those would be unbelievable. Unbelievable. Corn dogs. Corn dogs turn me into a horn dog. You get horny when you eat corn dogs?

No, I'm just fucking making a little rhymey, Poe. I don't actually get horny eating corn dogs. So what is it about the corn dog that turns you on so much, Bob? I know where you're going with this. I know you're going to start talking about the shape of them, for sure. I think it makes sense. I think this goes back to when we were, like, you know, teenagers. And we'd go to the fair, and we'd have a corn dog.

What are you looking at, Ricky? You're looking into the living room. I'm looking at you guys. Aren't I? No. I'm looking at you guys. Aren't I? No. I need to adjust my look, I guess. I like it. You were fully side on there, Ricky.

Just go at about 45 degrees. Right there. There. No. Just this good? Right there. I'd say you're looking right at Julian now. Wow.

And, Bob, I think he just called ricky rookie yeah you did didn't call you a rookie called him a rookie that's okay rookie you guys you guys should be impressed i'm even doing as good as i am with this shit it's not easy you're doing fantastic, Ricky. I just thought you saw something in the living room. That's all. I learned how to use these things here that don't have a wire. I learned how to use the cameras.

And yeah, I think I'm doing pretty god damn good. No, you're doing fantastic, Ricky. Holy fuck, you're doing fantastic. What about this, bubs? Hey, man, how's it going? No, too far. Bring her back a little bit, right? Yeah, right about there.

Hey, man. You kind of look like you're talking to me there. Hey, bud. You kind of look like you're talking to me. Let me just... Fucking technology, man. Hang on one second here. I'm just going to leave it on you for one second.

Bubs, you're doing like a side thing. I'm pretending to talk to you right here. I'm just going to leave it on you for one second. Well, I was doing like a side thing. I'm pretending to talk to you right now. I know. So let me just get there. Hey, Julian, what's going on? I'm just talking to you. Yeah. What's up, buddy?

Now watch this. Hey, Ricky. How are you doing, bud? I'm doing good, man. Yeah, look. Yeah, perfect. Right there, Ricky. Yeah, no? I'm doing good, man. Yeah, look, yeah, perfect. Right there, Ricky. Yeah, no, I'm doing all right, too. Just looking over at you right now.

You're looking at me. Julian's looking at me. Pops. I'm looking at Julian. Hey, Julian. Look so good. Okay, look, now I'm looking down at Julian's tits, I bet. What's in my cupboards?

Oh, yeah, you're looking in the microwave, Ricky. Reach out, reach out, turn around like you were. Now reach out with your right arm. Oh, yes, punching some numbers on the microwave. Down a little lower. Up a little bit, yes. Punching some numbers on the microwave. Down a little lower. Up a little bit. Right. Up a little bit.

Right there. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. I was just thinking about something here. What?

Some people only listen to this thing, like the audio version of this. Yeah. Right? am I right the poor people fucking doing that well they'll fucking make them go pay for the god damn video version then won't it for the people that were only hearing that we just did like a whole little fun

green screen thing where we're all sitting in Ricky's kitchen, but we're really not. And I'm looking over at Julian and then I'm looking at Ricky and Julian's looking at me and Ricky's fucking turned around fucking with the microwave. It's all fantastic stuff.

Really. It's all fantastic stuff. Next week, boys, I'm trying to learn how to fucking do some things here, boys. Next week, I'm going to try to have the table set up with some things on it, but it's in front of us, and we can use, physically use the table and set things behind things that are on the table that's in front of us and it's going to make it almost like crazy 3d action that sounds good it's very exciting this is about as excited about as exciting as something can be right now yeah

isn't it what's the saying? As exciting as watching paint dry? Is that what they say? I thought it was as exciting as watching flies fuck. I'd rather watch flies fuck than watch paint dry. At least they're moving. Yeah, I would much rather watch flies fucking.

Especially if you had a microscope but sometimes watching paint dry is cool because then you know you can do the next coat but it's not it's not fun who has a good time watching paint dry if you're big it's not that bad i mean it depends what kind of paint holy fuck fuck, I just got awful tired, boys. I think I'm going to have to need a nap. Yeah. Oh, yeah?

So what are you saying? I haven't been sleeping because of my piss mattress, so I'm going to... Give Drake your... Yeah. Get a hold of Drake. I'm going to get a hold of Drake. Because I've got Drake's number in my phone. Not really.

I don't have Drake's number. Imagine how many mattresses he could have bought when people don't even have a goddamn mattress for that amount of money. But he can still do that. He can still do that. He can still fucking buy all kinds of homeless people mattresses. It doesn't mean he can't have a $400,000 mattress for himself. What about it

makes it worth that much money? Even if you slept perfectly every night, it would not be worth that much money. It's insane. I agree with you. Anything handmade is going to cost more money these days, especially a fucking mattress. I agree.

Do you think part of it is just him buying it just so he can say he has a $400,000 mattress or no? Oh, definitely. I mean, that's all part of the mystique. He does seem to like to talk about how much his shit is worth. Yeah, he's, you know, he's made it. He's got all the money.

Now, I mean, if he only had $400,000 in his name and he spent it on a mattress, I would say he's a fucking arsehole and he's crazy. But he's got enough to buy a $400,000 mattress. Plus, he can still buy. I'm sure he still does stuff for people. He's very generous with his money.

He's a generous fella. So he didn't. I have heard he's very generous. He didn't blow all his money on a mattress. That would be stupid. I guess he's allowed to do whatever he wants, but it just seems crazy to me. He wants a nice mattress for sleeping and banging, man.

He's got the bling. If I had an extra $400,000, if I had a gajillion dollars like he does, I'd spend $400,000 on kitty beds, comfortable kitty beds for 160, 170 kitties. They would have the fucking nicest kitty beds. Holy fuck, those kitty beds would be unbelievable. There must be something that we don't know about the mattress.

Maybe it helps with sex or something. It gives you that extra thrust or that extra push. You only have to do a half push and it gives you that extra thrust or that extra push. You only have to do a half push and it gives you the extra part. It is called, I did look it up, and it's the model number of the mattress is the Super Thrust 3000. Okay. It's a banging mattress.

Yeah, it's a professional banging mattress. And I'm sure Drake does a lot of banging. It might have a lot of attachments. Scoot on in. So there you go, boys. There you fucking go. It could have built-in appliances

so you could cook some food while you're in bed, I guess. I never thought of it. Yeah, there might be some stuff that would make it worth that much. It doesn't have fucking built-in appliances. It doesn't have a deep fryer in it, Ricky. A mattress with a deep fryer in it. Okay, a hot air fryer.

It wouldn't have any kind of a fucking fryer in it. Why would he have a fryer in his mattress? Why wouldn't he just set it on a fucking stand next to his bed? It's a banging mattress. It's not a cooking mattress. You know what could fit, though, in that size of a thing? It would be like a pizza oven. Because a pizza oven only has to be put that high.

And you could just... Yeah, I could see a pizza oven in a mattress. That'd be awesome. And that would keep you kind of warm, too. In the side of it? Yeah. So you got to fucking... So you got to lean over the edge, pull the sheets up, open your oven door,

somehow get your fucking piping hot pizza out of the side of your mattress it doesn't make any sense ricky it would probably be on an automatic system when it's cooked it would be like ding ding and then it would slide right on its own and it would raise up ricky right at bed at bed level and then an arm would come down and start slicing the. He doesn't have a pizza oven in his fucking mattress. He doesn't. 100%. It would be the most impractical fucking pizza oven you could have. It would be a terrible place to have a pizza oven. It would be good, though.

And dangerous, because your sheets could catch fire. It must have some sort of liquid in pipes that flows around the whole mattress that you can either make hot or cold. It's got to be something. Or maybe it can fly. Like a hover speed or whatever they call it. A hover mattress.

Like Aladdin's mattress. Do you think Drake's flying around fucking Toronto? Do you? On a fucking magic mattress. Do you think Drake's flying around fucking Toronto, do you? On a fucking magic mattress. Banging and eating pizzas that come out the side of it. That would be worth 400 grand. That would be awesome.

We should design one. Oh my fuck, Ricky. You know what? I gotta go. It must be time to go now, isn't it? I gotta go have a fucking nap, get up, make some supper. I'm gonna have a nap, too. I'm gonna have a nap on the floor.

Before we go, boys, we just have to talk about a fellow that worked with us. One of the only fellas. I hated the fucking crew. I hated them all. I hated the camera dicks, the sound dicks. But there was one guy that worked for us that was kind of cool. He used to buy a lot of hash off me. And apparently, he passed.

I heard that. I heard that, Ricky. And it's sad. Oh, Sean. Sean E. Clark. Sean Clark. Seriously, it's sad. And we can't even go to a goddamn funeral.

No, poor Sean Clark. He's been around the trailer park since, I don't know, since the camera guys first started showing up. I think he was with them. Yeah. I think they brought him to the trailer park the first time. They sure did, man. They sure did.

Yeah. I remember one time I had no hash and he was like here man i know what it's like to be a hash guy and give me a big piece of hash it was nice of him he was the locations fella he was the location he was so he was in charge of you know keeping everybody on the location happy so that's probably why he was giving you hash r Ricky. He knows that, you know, the trailer, the camera people want to get in the trailer. He feeds you some hash, and the next thing you know, you're letting the arseholes right in your trailer.

So he was smart that way. Yeah. Well, he wouldn't want us moping around. He'd say, fuck off, guys. Have some drinks and get drunk. Yes. That's what he'd be saying. He probably would.

That's probably what he would be saying. So let's have a fucking, let's have a truck. Yes. That's what he'd be saying. He probably would. That's probably what he would be saying. So, let's have a fucking, let's have a toast to Mr. Clark. I don't have a fucking bottle here, but I will pretend. We'll have a toast to Mr. Clark. To Sean Clark. To Sean. Cheers. I'm going to go

mix another drink, and I'm going to smoke this for Sean. Alright, that's what we'll do. I'll go pour a drink in honor of Mr. Clark. All right. I'm going to get back on FaceTime later and get drunk together. All right? There. So say goodbye, Julian.

You're on. Say goodbye. Stay safe, everybody. For fuck's sakes, please. Don't be idiots. Ricky? Please stay safe, and don't be dumb. Don't open up if you're not ready to.

Love you, golf. Let's say love you, golf. I think so. I agree. I agree. Try to stay safe. Don't. It's the fucking virus has not changed.

It's not any less killy. So try to stay safe and don't fucking be going places. You don't need to go for fuck sakes. We'll see you. We'll see you next week. All right. Love you guys. Yes. Yes.

Peace out.