Trash Tuesday w/ Esther Povitsky & Khalyla Kuhn - 80s Workouts & Letters to Leo

Episode Date: June 20, 2023

Thank you to our Sponsors: Nutrafol - Go to https://nutrafol.com and enter promo code TRASH for $10 off your first month’s subscription + free shippingSimply Spiked - Go to https://drinksimplyspiked.com/trashtuesday to find out how to get your hands on Simply Spiked Lemonade and NEW Simply Spiked Peach  Subscribe! https://bit.ly/HitOurButtonsOfficial Clips Channel: https://bit.ly/2QDAi8XTrash Tuesday Podcast iTunes Audio Feed: https://bit.ly/TrashTuesdayPodTrash Tuesday Podcast Spotify Audio Feed: https://bit.ly/TTPodAudioTrash Tuesday Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/itstrashtuesday 0:00 Khalyla’s Apology to White Men3:11 Our 80s Workout Theme & Jane Fonda Workouts6:28 Do We Want People Thinking About Us?9:53 Khalyla Wants to Convert to Judaism13:17 Esther’s Dream19:36 Proper Sleeping25:30 Weighted Walks & Cold Plunges 28:57 Being Soberish38:16 Cruises 46:21 Khalyla’s Fan Letter to Leonardo DiCaprio & Barbra Streisand’s Basement Shopping Mall58:37 Loud Howler Monkeys1:00:09 The First Time in the Sheets With Someone1:09:50 Rejecting Unwanted Male Advances 1:13:46 Khalyla’s Ex’s Revenge1:17:22 When Someone Wants to Stay at Your Place Send us your Trash Tuesday fan mail!c/o 7EQUIS LLCP.O. Box 5154Glendale, CA 91221 Listen to our other Podcasts: TigerBelly - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/tigerbelly/id1041201977 My Pleasure - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/my-pleasure/id1494518220 AnnieWood - https://www.youtube.com/annielederman Follow Us: Khalyla Kuhn - https://www.instagram.com/khalamityk Annie Lederman - https://www.instagram.com/annielederman Esther Povitsky - https://www.instagram.com/esthermonster Produced by: 7EQUIS Podcast Producers: Pete Forthun & Andres Rosende

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offer and your new three-month unlimited wireless plan for just $15 a month, go to mintmobile.com slash Tuesday. That's mintmobile.com slash Tuesday. Cut your wireless bill to $15 a month at mintmobile.com slash Tuesday. $45 upfront payment required equivalent to $15 a month. New customers on first three month plan only. Speed slower above 40 gigabytes. On unlimited plan, additional taxes, fees and restrictions apply statement mobile for details i want to start off this episode by issuing and a public apology and my basically i owe an apology to all white men and um in the last two episodes um well a couple episodes ago now I basically said that I'm not attracted to white men and I feel like I hurt a lot of people's feelings and I just want to say like I'm just not

I'm not in that that's not currently like my era but I'm not I am open to it all you're not ruling it out for the future. I'm not ruling it out. I certainly haven't ruled it out in the past. Like I've been with white boys.

Okay. Just, you know, for the next, you know, foreseeable couple weeks. She's not in my rotation as of now. Listen, she changes the races she's attracted to per week. Thank you. Stay patient. That's what I'm doing. I would also like to issue an apology to white men

i am sorry i am jealous of you i wish i could get a woman pregnant and i'm struggling with that and sometimes i take it out on you guys so i would like to formally apologize any do you any i've been very nice to white men i have nothing else to say you can grow thicker healthier hair and support our show go to neutraful.com and enter code trash to save ten dollars off your first month subscription get ten dollars off at neutraful.com spelled n-u-t-r-a-f-o-l.com promo code trash free shipping on every order offer only available to u.s customers for a limited time this episode is brought to you by simply spiked go to drink simply spike.com slash trash tuesday to find out how to get your hands on simply spike lemonade and new simply spike peach

that's drink simply spike.com slash trash tuesday flavored beer naturally flavored with other natural flavors. Simply Spike Co. Milwaukee, Wisconsin. Celebrate responsibly. Simply Spike is a trademark of the Simply Orange Juice Company. Hey, Sluggies, I'm so excited. You can see me in San Antonio, Texas next weekend on the 23rd. It's a couple weekends from now, 23rd to the 24th. I'm also going to be in Philadelphia in August. And I will be in Canada. I will be in San Francisco, San Jose, and Austin, Texas, October 6th and 7th. So go to AnnieLetterman.com slash shows to get tickets for all of those.

And every Thursday, you can see me on my solo podcast, Annie Wood. It's been so fun. I can't wait to see you there. Hi, slugs. I'm so excited that I am back on the road doing stand-up. It's been so much fun laughing and being weird with all of you guys. And I will be in New York City at Joe's Pub July 19th through 22nd. I will be at the DC Improv September 28th.

And at the Wilbur in Boston September 30th. Get tickets at esther on ice.com i know i'm adding more shows i'll see you guys there welcome to our 80s workout themed episode i know this looks really festive and happy but i'm sweating and i i'm fully triggered i don't know if you guys know this but i spent my entire childhood part of the physical abuse that i endured was that my mom made me do jane fonda and susan harris the firm workouts on vhs for like a decade so this whole episode is like an another reminder of your abuse i'm twitching i'm honestly i came in i was like like i'm gonna start rocking pretty soon because this was my entire

childhood and everyone remembers it so fondly but jane fonda fondly jane fonda the challenge is an hour and a half workout and it was one that on like an hour and a half an hour and a half tried jane fauna challenge it's great they have a uh a dance routine they have an arm routine they have a floor routine they have all the pilates moves it's it's hard and there's susan harris the firm the firm it's called the great workout whether she's wearing yellow i don't know these i just want to know what state was our country in that this is the way women were dressing like this is hot and cute it is i think people fashion follows drugs right oh is this very cocaine i think so i see that there you go susan harris way lewd like this wasn't much of an ass girl was was she? I find this to be the most repulsive aesthetic currently.

You know how the trends go in waves? I feel like right now we're doing this at the exact moment where this is just the most unattractive, undesired thing. This is unattractive to you? This is so fun to me. Of all the things you wear. This is my least favorite. But I guess... It's just a little vaginal like you're like wait so annie

you are the only one of us that didn't order a costume you had this lying around i had a costume ordered i said sometimes it doesn't work out and um i looked in my i have like sorry i'm eating a starburst. It's so disrespectful. But it was all, they were all pink ones. Anyway, I saw them. They just were sitting there. I just had these skims I ordered on a whim, a skims whim. You know how that goes. Haven't worn them yet. And this is a skims too.

And I just thought, oh my God. Oh, the pants are skims too? Everything's skims. Oh. And then I had these donut, these Danny Donut DeVito socks that a fan gave me in Texas. Those are great Reeboks. And then the Reeboks were free, baby. Thank you.

The company that bought Juicy sent them to me. Thank you. Love you. Send me more things. I'm wearing this shirt and I'm not showing you my full full outfit because again bulk face arms are a little bit thick right now so isn't that a good thing yeah just not on camera i'll go flex in my own private life i'm flexing my bulk phase how do we feel you're pretty good esther you know what it is it's not just the triceps it's a it's the full back of the

arm what do you mean strong yeah very strong kalilah tattoo accentuated beautifully um which speaking of while we're doing formal apologies i do want to formally apologize to you in public for getting your name tattooed on my body i do think that there must be times where that makes you uncomfortable. And I just, in case it does, I want to say I'm sorry. This is going to hurt you even more. For God, I don't think about it. Basically.

Honestly, that's great. I don't think about it. When I see it, I'm like, oh, that's a tattoo. It never crosses my mind, Esther. People telling me that they don't think about me is the greatest option. Always. Like that's the isn't that the best version of things always?

I don't know. Well, if you will, it depends because if you've built up a story where they're like plotting against you. Oh, you just weren't thinking about me. That's definitely the best case scenario. But if it's like a loved one, I'm like, I hope you're thinking about me a little bit not for me you want no one to think of you yeah i'm like weird biz i'm actually wearing a skims push-up bra today i finally got to try it out so this is exciting for me and my costume is by the designer jeff bezos heard of him jeffy thank you.

Jeffrey. Do you want people to be thinking about you or not thinking about you? I don't want to have to think if people are thinking about me, period. Yeah. I think I've done that so much in my life and it's backfired my entire life.

You're never right. You think you know people are thinking about you. It's never, you're always like my entire life right you like think you know yeah it's never you're always like that's what you think it's like a this is a famous phenomenon it's called the spotlight effect it's like that we as humans always overestimate the amount that others are thinking about us it's just like a part of human nature we always will overestimate that but but have you ever like kind of gotten the vibe from someone like like there's one girl where i'm like oh her boyfriend hears my name a lot like you know the girls are kind of like wait what do you mean you know like in comedy there'll be like a younger comic who kind of like

you can like oh did you get like obsessed with me like they get like a mesh with your career oh when you said her boyfriend says here i just like i was just imagining like god this one girl once like approached me when she was drunk and gave me too much information like it was like oh we've never been this close but see i've done that like i recently met someone who i'm a fan of and i think i did take it too far it's this guy max lugavere whose podcast i listened to religiously and i was like you're so great like you killed it on joe rogan like you're really like fighting the good fight and i and i walked away from that interaction was like that man should be scared of me i said way too much

no you were a nice fan i think that's good okay and i think people appreciate that but when a fan knows too much i'm like but it's not a fan this is someone you work with i don't work with him no but i'm saying what I was saying is like, this is like someone that you like, that you like see around the club and you go like, oh, I don't think about, this is not a person that's in my orbit.

And then they come to you with so much intensity one night where you go, oh my God, like you talk about me to your boyfriend a lot. You're saying like- Like you're entangled, you're enmeshed. Interesting. I don't know if it's a good thing or a bad thing. You're saying like- Like you're entangled, you're enmeshed. Interesting.

I don't know if it's a good thing or a bad thing. You know, like sometimes people get like the poison when you're younger in your career, you get like the poison for someone else. And their career feels like when they get things, you like notice it more. Interesting. I have a question to both of you Jewish girls.

And my question is, can an ex-Catholic whore convert or be accepted into Judaism? Yes, we accept everyone at all times. Are you sure? How sure are we?

Because I've been watching Jewish matchmaking on Netflix. I know, I saw it. I haven't watched it, but I saw it there. And, you know, I go through the whole Indian matchmaking.

I watch all, like, the dating shows, basically. And there's a part of me that I don't't know what it is but i have jewish envy like real jewish envy i think a lot of people do it's real wait what is your envy that you want to be with a jewish man or you want to be jewish i like shabbat i like a lot of the ideals i like um um i love hearing or listening to hebrew I, it's a lot about it. Like I'm magnetized to, but I just don't know if I'm going to be accepted. Okay, well, Jewish people don't like listening to Hebrew.

So that is an issue. Like, I feel like every Jewish guy I know, like that hated Hebrew school would cringe at you saying that. Like, that's crazy. So am I fetishizing? No, I am, but i also yeah you're for chatasizing this is what i've always felt like about the jewish culture it's like we accept open arms like if you we hate ourselves so it's like if you guys if someone else likes anything about us it's like yes you're welcome like someone else likes anything about us, it's like, yes, you're welcome.

Could I marry into a Jewish family and be fully integrated and accepted? You can convert. Leah McSweeney is a Jew now. Oh, okay. She converted. Okay, this is hopeful. You can just convert. You can just convert.

See, white boys. Jewish, if you're Jewish, you can have me. But a lot of people do. I have been noticing this more like everyone's like dated jewish man which i obviously agree with because that's what i'm doing but i am surprised that that's like catching on and people are more like i meet girls and they're like find me a single jewish guy like that's that's more common i'm realizing do you notice that annie you said this is a common thing. I think people have Jew envy a lot.

But I grew up in a very Jewish neighborhood, but I was brought up Quaker, even though I'm obviously a little Jewish. Were you the only Quakers in your neighborhood? Yeah, we were the only Quakers in the neighborhood. And then, yeah, everyone was Jewish, so we had Jew envy. But I don't know if there had been other people around us if we would have had it. But yeah, no, we wanted to be Jewish. Everyone was Jewish. So we had Jew envy. But I don't I mean, I don't know if there had been other people around us if we would have had. But yeah, no, we were like wanted to be Jewish. Everyone was Jewish.

What else would you like to do as like if you're a Jewish person? I want to go on birthright. I know. Even though I don't even though I'm too old. And sorry, but she was preaching to the fucking about birthright. Yes, I would love to have gone on birthright. I think I was Jewish enough to do it, too. And I just I didn't want to go i was scared of israel you know bobby bobby went on some weird

like kind of like israel funded not birthright but basically the same thing where they bring in like celebrities to um woo is that the word woo and he came back like oh my god like it's the greatest i had such a great time he was there for like two weeks i want to go so bad all my jewish friends would come back they'd be like not pregnant but there's always a pregnancy scare they would tell me about they were like riding camels they all had boyfriend like everyone had so much fun on their birthright wait can i be weird and tell you guys about a dream I had I know that's the worst I feel like I need to hear the dream before I can answer whether you okay I so when I was in New York I went out to dinner with like a group of four random hot women that I met how'd you meet new friends yes like they were at my show, but like we were DMing. It was like this like model. And then we didn't like get to say hi at the show.

And so we like randomly like almost like a flirtatious texting led to us like making a dinner plan. And like these girls were so cool. Loved them. Have not followed up or seen them. Have not heard back. That's correct. loved them have not followed up or seen them have not heard back that's correct but last night i had a dream about one of them that she was pregnant and it was from a random hookup and she texted the guy i'm pregnant with like celebratory emojis and he didn't write back and she like didn't

understand why and i was like you just texted a random guy you hooked up with that you're like i don't know it was just a very emotional dream for now are you telling this to us because you want to text this to her and you're just seeing if it's an okay thing to text this could be your your back you're in a dream it's a little you're judged you're judgmental of her in the dream i am because i'm like could you imagine hooking up with a guy, a random guy, you get pregnant and then you're like, I'm pregnant, like heart emojis. Yes, but why are there so many aspects of you? Because these are all you.

I really do want to get a girl pregnant. The only theory is that everyone in your dream is just a different aspect of yourself. I'm liking this. Okay, so who's the model? Who's the model? Where's the model? So it's like excitement. And you have been saying a lot that you think we would like our dogs more than our babies.

Yeah. I think you're making some mother decisions. Well, I've also, now that we're connecting dots a little bit, I've been working a lot on a bit about like wanting to get pregnant and have to take the morning after pill, like wanting like a mistake pregnancy. So maybe that's it. But why is that girl involved? And I don't know.

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So knees to my chest is to me equals blood return to my heart. So on the plane, I cannot have my feet down when I sleep. I don't know how people do it. How do you guys sleep with your feet down? Like I feel like I'm going to pass i'm gonna pass out i'm like sitting up like this how do people sleep like this no i can't do that either but i sleep which i've been told is very bad for you but i can't stop myself on the stomach like you know what i mean like this like a yeah like a person like a chalk outline of a dead body

oh you're just doing baby like belly time speaking of reddit enjoy that one oops it's like with my ass perched out there's no way it looks good right now um how do you sleep fetal or i was sleeping on my back but then my sleep apnea it's like i can't excuse me i do have a little sleep apnea i discussed this are we getting a mask no no no it's not there do you need to come over and try days i will never i will never i will rather die that no you shouldn't choose that i won't choose oxygen annie choose air no with my claustrophobic they're just making all these correlations between breathing and sleep and stuff. So I started sleeping on my side. But I have to sleep on my left side because if I sleep on my right side, you can get acid reflux and more like GERD and stuff.

I think left side is always like, again, I always think left side of like blood return to the heart. I don't know if that's correct. Wait, that's good or bad? It's supposed to be on this side. Good, good. I always think of left side as like the good sides you lay on even when someone isn't like in a medical emergency my my gut is to be like oh lay them on their left side okay i've also heard that your left side is good like if you eat too much at dinner and you're still feeling it like left

side is good for digestion is that true well with sleep with sleep apnea, I'm a YouTube watcher. I'm not a doctor. With sleep apnea, a lot of times it is like there is some like acid reflux happening too that's causing your... That is a real thing. And it's giving you like indigestion in your nose, which is making your mouth open, which is making your mouth breathe. I would love to hear you sleep. I could diagnose you well then

keep talking keep this up i'll pass out anytime i want to i want to watch you sleep i want to listen to i'm gonna have a stethoscope let's do a sleep study a person but let me tell you on i've already told you this on the plane i fall asleep immediately my mouth is agape i look like my parents need to make a very tough decision about whether they're going to unplug me or not. How do you sleep? How do you know that it'll be a tough decision? We'll have to call and see if they pick up.

So I have to bring my feet up or I use those little foot hammocks on the plane. I don't know how people like... Do we know about that? Not all flights have those. No, you bring your own. It's BY own hammock. Wait, really? Yeah, it's a foot hammock. They're like so cheap on Amazon.

Can we throw up a little foot hammock? I need one. That feels good just like... Oh my God. They don't come in your size. A little toddler, too. Fucking funny. You attach it to the back of the food tray, and it basically just allows you to bring your legs up. I mean, the fact that Esther and I 100% thought that Hawaiian Airlines just had this specific thing for. Well, because some seats have those little footrest things. Yeah. The kickstand.

Yeah, a kickstand. Thank you. A foot hammock. Okay, baby. that seems like it would really relieve the pressure on my lower back oh my goodness not to sound like a 35 year old but i could use that i like the dog hammock too did you see the dog hammock up there it's up at the top oh that's for clipping nails for clipping nails? I thought it was just to be funny. Haven't you ever like picked up your dog a little early from the groomers and you see them in that contraption, they just look at you and you're like, sorry.

By the way, Randy's legs are so long he'd be in that his feet would be dragging on the ground. He'd still be standing. Oh my God. I love that damn dog. So when you guys just like stand in place, you don't like get dizzy? It hurts. I don't like standing in place. Like not moving, like walking, hiking or whatever, just standing in place.

You don't get like lightheaded? I don't know if I get lightheaded, but I'm not kidding you. I hate standing in place. I would. And I hate walking slow. You got the right outfit for that. Physical baby. and I hate walking slow you got the right outfit for that like physical baby I would much rather be on a long walk that's like way too long for me than just having to stand still same same no

100 and another thing when you get up from a seated position um do you see things right away or does it take about 30 seconds for your vision to come back I think you have low blood pressure I know I do and I probably have pots but i think i've been in denial for so long because i'm only starting to ask people if they've if this isn't i just thought it was like oh everyone doesn't see the first 30 seconds when they get up i've had that when i'm light headed it just means like my blood pressure is low and i haven't eaten enough or something yeah but i have a thing where when i if i've been sitting too long and i stand up like i'm frozen so i have to walk like this for a while your joint pain that again is how you walk it's every time you

do like an example of a weird walk you do it's your 100 walk but that's why like i'm so stiff do you can you just like get up and be when you do yoga how does it are you good at um the half pigeon yeah why are you very flexible there yeah because i feel like that would make your ass not be so diapery while you walk no i'm very flexible there but also i think i'm over you i'm breaking up with yoga it's too much the once a week have you guys heard of this doctor like this fitness fitness guru, Dr. Peter Atiyah? So he's like, I think he has his own podcast and they've heard him on a lot of podcasts. He's like, just like fitness guy, doctor.

Like he's pretty smart. I'm like a fan now. But he was on the Goop podcast this week or a few weeks ago. And I was just listening to it. And he said that he does something. Fuck fuck it's called like rocking or something it has some weird name but where he walks for an hour with a heavy backpack like intentionally like puts a lot of weight in the backpack and he lives in Texas and he walks at the hottest part of the day for an hour with a backpack. And I was like, that sounds so horrible. And he's all about like longevity and stuff.

But I'm like, that is kind of the most masculine form of a workout. And that's why you grab on to Dave's back while he walks? That's why I ride his back. So basically he's like a David Goggins type. Maybe, but... Look but over kalilah is just like i don't know enough about both of them to compare them does he tell you to get after it esther no he's not like that he's i'm telling you he is more like factual and doctor like in not the bad ways even though i know dr molester so high noon with the heaviest amount of weight on my back

in texas okay and that's maybe that's what you know gives people certain like if that's what they're into great but that just seems so not enjoyable high noon the world is not even pretty outside i can't no i personally i'm like that i can't even go outside when it's the hottest part of the day like no less walk an hour with a heavy backpack it sounds insane basically does he want to you know does he want to make you kill your inner bitch no he's not like that i swear no are we sure i'm pretty sure the fact that you're starting to follow these like extreme fitness starting to is so weird starting to well starting to open up about it wait can we um can I see you in a cold plunge?

Funny you should ask. In New York, Dave and I did an experiment where we ran a very cold bath because I figured that's a good starter point. And I got half a foot in before screaming. And Dave was like, just fucking do it. He was getting mad. I can't do it. I can't. Can I can't can you yeah

no yes I'm pretty I think Annie is probably the best of us because I'm very cold intolerant like I just don't do well in the cold so I'm probably with you like it would hurt me a lot that's kind of what it's about it is about that it sucks i know but yeah there must be something about being like petite that makes it harder right there's nothing special about you nothing different just like everyone else i mean yes that's what that's what david doggins would say get up and do it um i mean yes because you have a lot less body fat than someone like me. The smaller tub. Get her a smaller tub.

So, you know, maybe we'll bump it up like three degrees. I would love to, though. The way it's talked about online, it sounds like everyone feels so good afterwards. These like maximum cool benefits. It's like from something that you don't have to take a drug. Like that sounds amazing. But I can't do it. I like sober Esther again. She's back. benefits it's like from something that you don't have to take a drug like that sounds amazing but i literally i can't do it like sober esther again she's back esther how have you been feeling since

you got off weed i did you feel any type of withdrawal did you do it slowly did you taper off i did not do it slowly well i did a two-week break over the holidays and then i did another month break and wait over the holidays you were really depressed. Yeah, I know. I was so depressed I couldn't get high. Oh, okay. And... But you were depressed that you couldn't get high or you were too depressed to get high? Too depressed. Well, it started off by I was sick.

And then like I used that as a way to like take a break. But it was... That time it wasn't that hard because I got into it like through a cold. And then the next time it was really hard. I think I was telling you this maybe, but like I was having digestive issues, like constipated, could not sleep, could not like. Not only they couldn't fall asleep, but like couldn't like stay asleep in the mornings, like would wake up in the morning and not be able to fall back asleep, whatever. When you quit. Yeah.

whatever when you quit yeah uh but now i am i think it's like i was giving myself so much like blame and shame for wanting to like do weed every night and then i remembered i was like out walking in new york one night and i was like every single person in the city right now is at a bar getting drunk and it's Tuesday. And I was like, oh, yeah, people drink. People like have fun. And then I just decided I don't want to be so hard on myself. And so like it's OK for me to get high a couple nights here and there. Right. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. I just am not able to do a couple nights. I go too hard. So that's why I don't do it at all so then what do you have as your like substitute for that like because most people go home from work they want a glass of wine like do you have something like that I just really try to like meditate and stuff it sounds so lame but there's nothing else there's nothing else I have I'm doing a I have a ketamine treatment after this oh Ooh, exciting. It's an in-home thing.

Is it, do they give you IV or intramuscular? No, it's like a lozenge. It's in-home, like over Zoom. No shit. That's, how fun. I'm kind of jealous. Yeah, I'll tell you how it is. Yeah.

A lozenge. But yeah, it's like a lozenge. And then you have, there's like, I picked out the person that's going to sit with me, like what their credentials are and stuff. It's cool. I love that. Yeah, mine was not like that. It was like when you get to IM, I think within 45 seconds, you're in the moon. I'm like, make it stop.

Like too late. Do you still do the ketamine, like the sparingly use it on your own no and why'd you stop that um i couldn't i just have cluster headaches i can't eat or do anything really yeah so cluster headaches kind of like wiped your but i wasn't really doing it anyway i was already like kind of ready to stop doing anything but i stopped weed so long ago i haven't done weed in so long and done weed that's how long it's been i say it like a mom you're saying it like me now but um yeah i never feel sober because i'm crazy and fun do you know what i mean i never feel like i'm like do you know who's nuts who fucking george kimmel what we had because bobby was filming in hawaii so we were there for like

a week together recording Tiger Belly. And basically he's like, hey, like, is there anywhere on the island I can get acid? Because I want to do it on the plane ride home. I'm like, are you kidding me, George? I was like, if you were to do that, why don't you just do it in the company of like your friends? He's like, no, no, no, no, no. He's like, I want to leave this beautiful place. He wanted to do acid on the fucking plane.

No, he didn't but i'm like dude this guy really gets after it he wants to kill his inner bitch it's always the people that are like really like look like they live a straight and narrow life that like want to go the hardest when you let loose yeah and it's always the people like me who seem like i would like be such a party girl they give coke on you at all times. Right? No, I think that's the most accurate description of like, I honestly look like I would just be like a really coked out whore. But I don't.

I'm so terrified of drugs. But then you have George Kimmel who's like, you know, this. And he wants to do acid on a five hour flight. I like that. All right, George. Wait, do that all right george wait do you have you're like what do you get home from work at five o'clock want to kick back and open a beer nothing nothing maybe food yeah yeah food's a big thing for me but i do drink once in a while you do i really really love mezcal i like we did it on the live i drank yeah was that tequila

mezcal on our live from my belly button I recently was on my phone you know how like on your phone you have a lot of old like safari browsers and I saw one that was like can you get drunk through your belly button ah better days if you guys weren't at the live show

Esther what happened did you take a shot off my belly button you took a shot out of her belly button and I felt the alcohol like seep in and i was a little buzzed we gotta throw her in a cold plunge now the skin and the belly button is very thin that's an opening essentially what did google say they never tied you off when you were born there's a hole in there they're like she's out she's fine it costs extra that's what she does when she goes home to chicago behind the couch it's your g-tube that's how you get fed oh my god yeah no i did mushrooms with the cluster eggs but it's like there's no joy in

those anymore someone was oh josh potter was like i have all these mushrooms i was like i'm good hmm i cannot fucking do that so i haven't done them but i will like in microdose never i heard that in like it's looking like in 2024 2025 it's gonna psilocybin will be legalized oh it's legal in dc what you can buy it you can buy mushrooms in dc at a store that That's incredible. I know they had that in Portland, which makes sense for Portland. Isn't it so weird? It's in D.C. And I can be like, maybe that's what's going on with Joe Biden.

It's just tripping. That's why he's talking about blueberries all the time. You know what I was thinking about Joe Biden? You know how like presidents famously like at the start of their presidency versus the end, they look like they've aged 30 years. But like with Joe Biden, he has nowhere to go. It's so scary to think about what it'll look like at the end they look like they've aged 30 years but like with joe biden he has nowhere to go like so scary to think about what it'll look like at the end oh my goodness but um not to um toot my own horn but i think i am probably one of the funnest drunks you were in the world i don't know. This is why alcohol can be dangerous or has been dangerous for me

because I am... You didn't watch Friends. You were a Seinfeld girl, right? Thank you. Do you remember Fun Bob? The episode in Friends where I think it's like... Anyways, there's this character named Fun Bob

and everyone loves him and he's like the new boyfriend that's introduced to the group. But they find out later that he's just the new boyfriend that he's that's introduced to the group but they find out later that he's just an alcoholic right and that's why he's just so lovable and kind of like um oh i do remember you remember him yes um but that's such a funny storyline i am i've kind of never really had um like you know people black out and they get into like crazy shit and then people like you should never drink again yeah i always get the opposite reviews we were

like you were so fucking you are you're amazing and our live show when you were drunk it was so fun but i wasn't drunk drunk spitting out the that nasty fucking dental dam there's no damn big enough that's dental damn next week on the show for old time's sake um what was i gonna say about drinking oh um yeah i my regret is not meeting you in my 20s you know what I mean? We would have been dead. Listen, I'm, I was very fun. My friend Abby was like, she's like, I love you. I'm so glad you quit drinking.

But I do want to say that drinking with you is the most fun I've ever had in my entire life. We were getting pulled out of places. We were like, fuck you. There's this Puerto Rican guy with a lazy eye. I'll never forget like saving us. Like back off all my girls. We would just like find people to protect us while

we're acting crazy yeah it was fun fun girl Annie yeah but then it was like checking for teeth and stuff there was a lot of blood a lot of blood is that why you have fake blood just like remember remind you of the good old days it makes me feel at home yeah it's so pathetic to have a one pound weight. Why? I do that. This is just... Did you think I thought Kalilah had a one pound weight? This is her yoni egg.

Did you ever do pop physique? I did. I did go to pop physique. Is pop physique still around? I don't think so. I have no idea. It was the thing. They blew up in like the early 2010s of LA I kind of want to do a bar class again too I'm getting back into classes I know I love everything everything like that died in COVID

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Speed slower above 40 gigabytes on unlimited plan. Additional taxes, fees and restrictions apply. See Mint Mobile for details. But this is Carnival Cruise. Anyone? No no thank you but smart enough to have um bought some stocks when it went all the way i so regret not doing that i do the idea of a cruise is like my style like i'm like trash it's like a mall you know there's a casino on it but then you get on you're like this just the fact that this is where we're

at and that's it what do you mean like you're just like i can't there's a parameter of where you can go you're like essentially you're you're um jim carrey in that movie you know what i mean like a truman show you're in the truman show like you can only go so far right the the boat is as far as you go except did you guys see triangleangle of Sadness? Yes. Of course. Best movie. Favorite ever. Abigail is my hero. So funny. My freaking hero.

Who am I? Who am I? When she has the freaking, she catches the fish. Abigail's a Filipino lady who just. No, I remember who she was. Yeah.

Yeah. But which one are we? I'm Woody Harrelson when I was drinking. I think i want to be the like the hot girl the model the model yeah you're not you're the hot girl model yeah and then i'm the boyfriend that fucks her yeah you know who you are you're the um there's the guy the captain who has you know how they they go into this whole like um communist versus yeah like that whole deep conversation they have on the boat that's you i love him what woody harrelson or the other guy the other guy wait did you guys see the menu yeah i did kind of similar vibes yeah not as good not like fun they i saw the preview for it it's like i wish i'd gone in completely blind but i did like

it oh the preview like gave stuff away yeah just you knew it wasn't just like a fun, but I'm so John Leguizamo in that movie. Hey everybody. Did you see that guy noticed me? I felt it. And like, I would definitely still like keep my assistant that was stealing from me. The only thing, the biggest problem I have with that movie

is why he had to go on such a tirade against s'mores like there's nothing wrong with s'mores they're not classless they're i want to put you i want to fucking put you between two pieces of chocolate thank you you're the marshmallow i'll squish you um but cruises are have you been on one yeah i went on a mother-daughter cruise you went on a mother-daughter cruise. You went on a mother-daughter cruise? Because my dance teacher got a job as a dancer on a cruise ship. So a big group of us went. So it wasn't just you and your mom? Yeah, no, it was a group of us.

And it wasn't your mom's idea? No. Fuck no. Absolutely not. Your mom's like, we need to spend more time together. But there was, my dance classes were in a neighborhood that was like much wealthier than the one we lived in and there is uh we'll never forget a mother daughter that went on the cruise like we flew to florida we get on the crew from chicago to florida we get

on the cruise and then there's a note on their door that says i'll never forget too close of quarters we'll see you back in illinois so they flew there and then left because it was not nice enough for them my mom and i were like we could like i'm it's just something i couldn't believe like what are you talking about as like a you know a low-class peasant but then okay so did the cruise take you somewhere because the cruise i went on i went on ship rocked that's where i'm at papa roach oh my god um and they took us to cabo but it was just like an island built for the cruise which i was like ew it was just like nasty it was like a harley davidson and a margaritaville i was like what the hell the mall just like extended out to a tiny island it It's probably like a Sammy Hagar kind of thing.

Yes, it was. And it's like all the people that work there, I was talking to them. I was like, do locals come in? They're like, no, it's just cruise people. Like what a fucking nightmare. What? Who did you go with? I went with, it was Big J.

Oh, this is like adult. And it was a comedy show. Oh, okay. That's cool. No, as a kid, I don't think. My family's not like, my mom like isn't like that. Now, were you constipated on the cruise? Probably.

No, because, you know, we talked about this on a previous episode where they add stuff in the food. So it kind of serves as like a laxative effect so that they don't clog the pipes on the boat. Oh. So did you like, you know, take note of your. I don't remember, but I always was. I mean, my constipation was very much alive and well in high school. Constant.

Someone call it constant. But and after my dance teacher got that job, obviously, my dream became to be a dancer on a cruise ship. And I auditioned once. And you should go do that. It did not go well. I would. Don't tempt me. If I could get the job, I would do it.

No, there's no way. You can't compete against Filipino entertainers. You can't. Cruise ships are Filipino entertainers. That's like one of our biggest imports is like entertainment, right? We send them off into the UAE to become, you know performers on cruise ships and bars whatever you cannot outdance a filipino i don't think esther and i believe in you i think you're an amazing dancer you would have never gotten that job i believe you yeah i've never seen you more strict

and now that i know that it's in your blood and we have this are you is this a dance-off being plotted here what do you mean no no no oh no i think we need a dance off no there's no way no way we either need a cruise ship themed episode i don't know what we dress like but we need to do it we just all get seasick or we like carnival cruise polo uniforms you've got to stop with the polo uniform i'm never gonna i've got plenty lined up and locked in the closet waiting for you oh my god every episode's like ups themed it's like oh my god go get a job bitch go get a job yes wait we have to do that okay wait she's like how about we work at chili's? Do you think we have a market, a big enough market, where we could do one Trash Tuesday cruise?

Set sail in the open sea? What, have a cruise? Yeah, our own cruise. A trash, yes. Maybe we can do the European version. Yes, we could have a fucking cruise. You know, very short trips and you go through the islands and you go to Greece and...

That I would rather do. I don't want to go to the one that just like... Yeah, it's like a slug cruise, guys. I don't want to go to the one that just parks outside of Ensenada. Right. And they're like,

here, walk out and look at the blowhole. The whole thing's so weird. It's like, am I supposed to get left on a fake island by this fucking cruise? Yeah.

And here's the thing, unless we're going through some like cool fjords or something and seeing like orcas, like no thank you or alaska i have heard an alaskan cruise can be lovely but from who i need to know the source my dad he's never been on one we heard it from someone else yeah um yeah you would have to drag me i've never never been on a cruise, but I'm pretty sure you guys would have to almost poison me and drug me to get into that cruise.

We'll give you some devil's breath. Not a problem. Devil's breath. We have your permission on camera now, so we're good. A little devil's breath, you wake up pregnant with Esther's baby. We don't know what happened. I really wish there was a Titanic-themed cruise. Oh, my God.

Where it's like, things go and you know, maybe you fall. You know what's so annoying? I would be Jack and you would like. Esther, is part of it like poverty porn where you want to be in like the lower levels like and be like Jack? It's not poverty porn. I've already been on the lower level. I'll draw you naked.

Yeah. No, it's more, it's like a cruise where something goes wrong and they say we've hit an iceberg and we're not sure. And, you know, some of the people on the ship are actors.

You're telling us you're suicidal. I just want to be dead. Some of them are actors? Yeah, some people are actors. It's like Tina and Tony's. Yes, yes, yes. Maybe you can escape room, you know? Something like that.

Yeah. You know, I... Your dreams are big. There's smaller local things you can do. I'm dreaming too big? I wrote like a six-page letter and actually mailed it to Leonardo DiCaprio. And I had spent like months.

After Titanic came out and I had dried all of these flowers, you know when drying flowers was a thing? I'm so upset. And you smashed it. And then it took me like, I think, two months to get them like perfect. And I wrote up this amazing letter and I even quoted the movie talking about like, there's only like $10 in my pocket, which I didn't even have in my pocket.

And I remember spending spending saving all the money that i recently earned from like winning gold as a swimmer and for the philippine national team and putting setting aside a certain amount so i could mail it to america because it was money for when you were a kid i won a dance contest once what was it i don't think i won a it was before the greece musical and i won a free t-shirt i won in a landslide though wait so was it you didn't sign up for it you just were there and they're like kids come up and dance yeah oh yeah no i and when i say landslide i really mean it and now i do want to though go back to kalilah i know i was gonna let it off the hook for a second no no

actually what kalilah is telling us right now you need to confirm with me it's sadder than anything i've ever said it's worse than any poem i've ever read wait so i might yeah what did you say a reply what did you say in the letter for 10 pages there is a line in titanic where he tells rose that i have is yeah like basically 10 cents. How did you get through that? I told him who I was, what I do, what my dreams are, why I really like him. What part of the movies really spoke to me that I have a poster over my bed. Can I support you in this for a second?

How old were you? I was 12. Okay. As a 12 year old. I don't usually have much to offer. Are you trans age? You're a 12 year Okay. As a 12-year-old, you don't usually have much to offer. Are you trans-age? You're a 12-year-old? As a 12-year-old boy, yes.

From the waist up, yes, I am. As a 12-year-old, nobody really has much to offer. You were an award winner. So she had a chance. You had a shot. You were a little old for him. But he was only, how old was he at this time? How old is he now? So she had a chance. You had a shot. You were a little old for him. But he was only, how old was he at this time?

How old is he now? I have no clue. I think he's only like eight or nine years older. Yeah. Maybe 50 now, 50. And then I told him that one day I'd have these braces off, that I'm going to grow up to be really pretty. Maybe not right now, but I promised him I would be pretty as soon as my braces came off you promised leonardo di caprio would be pretty i mean you you came through on

the promise thank you that's very sad so you wrote this letter with the intention of it's not the letter it's the flowers it's no it's the letter you don't think it's the crushed flowers that was really though to give her credit like that was of the time everyone was doing that when you send it to i didn't send them to anyone because i knew better i didn't have confidence no but my sister was drying like she hung dried flowers in her room and then i did it to copy smash them in the middle and between books oh yeah or like put them in tape like uh what's it called the thick who would you have sent a letter to well you never sent fan mail any of you guys ever sent fan i did but mine was you're gonna this is

so estuary how i did it don't worry what you found their house broken i lived in their basement for three years somehow i made them cook for you and stuff? Made them fold your laundry? Somehow in the 90s internet, I stumbled upon a site that told you like which celebrities, if you mailed them, would send you back a signed headshot. And so I wrote to those celebrities, but I think the only one

I was ever successful with was Barbra Streisand. But she sent back to her fans a signed headshot. She did? Am I breaking your heart right now honestly knowing barbara do you know her wow new york was fruitful okay i do think it was her because those old school classy classic stars like they take have assistance they take their stardom very

seriously and i do i could see barbara signing headshots like every morning for an hour i could Like they take have assistance. They take their stardom very seriously. And I do. I could see Barbara signing headshots like every morning for an hour. I could see that. Well, yeah, she signed them. But do you think she was like got your letter and then was like, I'm going to send this? Absolutely not. No. OK, because I was like, this is the I have to break this heart of this delusional.

The deluliness. Wait, do you guys know? This is my favorite pop culture fact of all time. I'm like getting the chills just thinking about it. Barbara Streisand. Do you know what's in her basement? My mouth is watering. My mouth is watering.

She has a replica of a shopping mall in her basement. So she can like walk down to her basement and it looks like an outdoor mall with little shops and boutiques and are people working there that i don't know can you can you imagine your own play pretend mall i think i feel like every young girl's had that fantasy for sure look it's barbara strassen. I love the way fancy bells things. No, no, no. He's a fancy way of guessing people's bells.

Basement. Mall. Shopping. Yeah. What was that sound? It's like Vegas. Do you see? Yes, it's so Vegas-like.

Look at that. Oh, a candy shop. I remember one time when I was little, my dad's friend, who was a drug addict, got into a car accident. And he had to go to one of those, he had to go to a nursing home. And we would go visit him. And in the basement there, they had like fake ice cream shops and stuff. It was really fun.

That's so sad. Thank you. Wait, they let you into the, did you sneak into the the nursing home the nursing home yeah let me in i'm ready no i know i would have loved to move it moved in like this is the coolest you're the only person like loves a nursing i'm like i can't wait scoop your own ice cream no my grandfather went to like a really nice retirement home and i loved going there did they have like perks no there was no there was a billiards room that i really liked i really enjoyed like a library dark library billiards room type thing because i liked the game clue so i felt like i was in the game clue okay murder

mystery dinner on the books let me tell you thing on the books um he i remember they had like a red for the stairs they had like this red carpet that went up it and they had these like, those poles that was like keeping it on. And I thought that was like so elegant and cool. It's just old people. And the dining room had, um, had like veal with a mint sauce. I enjoyed eating, being with the elderly and eating a baby. Oh, cool.

Veal? No, but okay. You guys saw the shopping mall and you agree it's the coolest thing to ever exist yes but for not it to exist for longer than one week you know that's like an event thing but to just have it there what is it doing she's collecting dust she's fake shopping down there well you could tell you that about everything is collecting dust but to go to go to the fake shopping mall well you're barbara you're a star you can't go to the fake shopping mall. Well, you're Barbara. You're a star. You can't go to the normal malls.

So she hires people to pretend. She makes her own Truman Show. Yes. That was one of my favorite celebrity couples was Barbara Streisand and Andre Agassi. They were together? They were together. I know.

I just always imagine her being with, what's his name? Roland forever. She was with Andre Agassi for They were together? They were together. I know. I just always imagine her being with, what's his, Roland forever? She was with Andre Agassi for a couple of years. She was always at like courtside, at all the Grand Slams. Didn't he date Brooke Shields too? I'm not sure, but now he's with Steffi Graf. Oh, really? Yeah. They've been, they have kids.

Like they stayed, they're like lovers forever. Steffi Graf is a German tennis player. My, who I would have sent letters to is not someone that's still around. We're listening.

I think I've brought him up on this show before and I would love to see where he's now because I believe he is a cult leader. Oh, Andrew Keegan. Andrew Keegan.

Andrew Keegan was my teen bop boy. I think that was a lot of our... I was so attracted to him. I was so deeply attracted to him. But he lives in Venice, and he got busted for illegal kombucha. But I don't feel the way I felt now when I look at him.

But God, I was like, when he was a kid, I was like, he's so hot. I know what you mean. The hair and shit. He has Dave hair. Wait, what was he famous from? He's hot.

I remember him. He was in... There was a show called... it was only like one season there were like little things i caught him and i was he was also in 10 things i hate about you i hate about you but by then i had got camp nowhere was where i was obsessed with camp nowhere was my fucking movie he did you watch camp no no but that guy's hot as fuck you would have loved camp nowhere except actually no you like parents it was about like not having parents. But can I just say this?

You know, men really love to talk a lot about how they age better and women don't. They talk about it. They're just sitting around talking about it. No, I've heard guys have said this to me like, oh, it's too bad. It's harder. Women don't age well. Men age better. By the way, women say that too.

And it bums me out when I, because it's like, that's something I've heard women say. Like even I've heard myself say that. Yeah, no, because we've been like trained to believe that. I think these guys are like sitting around in like a basement mall. Yeah. Having a fake tea.

They are not allowed in Barbara's mall. But I have to say when we look at our teen idol boys, they don't look hot anymore. So it goes both ways. That's all. Yeah, like Devin Sawa. But Devin Sawa's not bad. I'd love to have him on the show.

I think he's still super cute. He's around. He's high up there. We've got to get all these people before, you know, we're getting older now. People are ODing and shit. I know. We've got to get him while I'm still single so I can sit here and squirt in my panties. Oh my God.

It's so sad when they pull the pictures of these like old starlets that are like just not actresses anymore just living their lives as just regular women. Probably happy and fulfilled.

It's like why are you putting they're not they're not doing anything. Why is the paparazzi taking they're like putting pictures of Bridget Fonda like let Bridget Fonda live. What are you doing? Oh that's right because she's married to um danny elfman yeah

danny elfman she quit she quit acting she's just like a regular woman and then people are like look at out there it's like leave her alone actresses are regular women too what's that no she's not in the she's not in the spotlight what's that that's so something that a grandpa would say to any in response to anything i was like could not believe what you were i'm like what's that lad well i'm just like what angle are we going for here but i wasn't a jtt girl were you a jtt i was never never i think we all had similar tastes when we were younger because i was a leo girl obviously from titanic were you not i was a Leo girl, obviously, from Titanic. Were you not? I was a Leo girl from Romeo and Juliet.

I told you I stole. I went into the... I actually think this is one of the worst things I did as a kid besides egging Robert Daniele's house. Sorry, Mrs. Daniele. But I went into my library, my local library, and they had like the magazine section. And I just stole all the magazines and cut them up and put them on my wall. That's like so crazy because that means that like now if I went back, they're not there. Do you know what I mean?

It's like that was an archive of magazines that would have existed forever. And I stole them. I'm sure that happens more than you think. I think it's a very forgivable. I have an archive of magazines. Wait, what was I going to say? What did you just say? Stealing magazines.

Leo crushes. Romeo and Juliet. Library. Library. Oh, my God. Romeo and Juliet. I really liked the libraries a lot for a girl who had nothing to do inside them except collage i was like send me to the books with the pictures you would love the skokie library we recently updated it and now there's

a whole we did did we have the taxpayers there's a craft still paying taxes there uh-oh esther get her i'm still an illinois resident we um there's a craft room that has 3d printing and so i you would you'd love it you'd have a lot to do a 3d printer is that that's a pretty fun thing to do yeah um i recently learned that you know howler monkeys are i do but remind but it's they're just the loudest loud monkeys right. Like so fucking loud you can't miss them. But I recently learned that they have like the tiniest dicks

of like all the primates. Aww, that's so cute. But doesn't that correlate like the loudness with the size of a penis? I'm very loud and I have a huge penis. So I don't know what you're talking about.

She proves it all wrong. No, I also like my big penis boyfriends were very loud. Really? They wouldn't shut the fuck up. They were so loud and the world needed to hear them and they had to sling their cock around all the ladies. Oh, so there's no correlation then to humans.

So you're saying big dick dudes are the loud fucks. I think just people are louder than a... I think it's more about who listened to you and who didn't when you were a kid maybe my favorite thing is when a dude's like super humble and kind of quiet a little bit of a wallflower and then they have the biggest those are the long game big dick guys i love the ones who just like look like they couldn't ever make you come but then are so good because they're super nerdy like nerdy boys always surprise me because you think that oh you know they're just you know this and that and then they're just really great and studious that's why it's good for everyone to keep expectations low on the outside

low expectations in the streets and big dicks in the sheet yeah i have a question have you ever had good sex the first time with anyone like the first time you've ever had sex with someone has it been like oh that was actually like good or has it always been like some fumbling some kind of like weird awkward teeth banging i think good but only to an extent like where it's good because it's so fun and exciting because you like the person okay i should ask this have you ever had great sex the first time really annie i think me too actually i just remembered i was worn down so hard it was like i mean i was worn down like this. It was like, I mean, I was worn down. Like this was like months of this guy coming into my work. And I was like, he was hot, but he was so stupid.

He was so dumb. He was like a BMX bike kid. He just had like brain. I was like, are you okay? I could see him like his brain working to form words. And I was like, I don't want it. And he was just like, I don't know. I always had a thing where when guys hit on me, it like offended me. I was like i don't want it and he was just like i don't know i always had a thing where when guys hit on me it like offended me i was like you did this with all

the girls like when todd todd first came over to my house he brought um which is so cute he brought like toll house cookies to make or you know like he bought like the cookie dough and i was so i was like do you do this with all your dates and he was like no i was like okay i don't know why i'm mad wait when you said that you got offended a guy's hit on you it made me think of a different version of that which is my favorite thing i've seen you do or you've told me about where like when a guy hits on you and you're like are you like you're offended it's like no and if there's something you know what it was it was like when i was younger my older brother's friends would like hit on me and i thought that they just felt like they had an advantage like they just assumed they could hook up with me because they were older i

don't know i always was like i just didn't like guys that thought that they could hook up with me because it felt unsafe it felt like they were just like okay so you're telling me actually i i think you're correct it is possible to have amazing sex the very first time i it was like this guy was so stupid that everything else was crazy so by the time you guys got together it felt like he took me okay this guy he had like a like a truck that was like on monster wheels okay and he was so fucking hot though homeless julian oh this is homeless julian yeah but yeah, he took me like into the Aurorio and like drove me around. He showed me a good time. He showed me a good old country time.

Was his sex amazing because there was an emotional connection already? No, there was no emotional connection. There was zero emotional connection. It was like I was in shock what he did to me. I had dumb guy sex once and it was not good. This was, I mean, I've had bad dumb guy sex okay this was like i don't know but i he it wasn't i didn't go i didn't go back for more you didn't wow it's just like he gave me bv oh okay yeah yeah yeah but also he was like uncircular i don't know there was a lot he threw your ph off so it wasn't my ph off

i mean it probably could have worked out but he just was so stupid I hung out with him like one more time and I think I told you this he like he was like he was like running I had my motor scooter and he was like running next to my motor scooter because he wouldn't he wanted to ride it but I told him he would have to like ride on the back and he was like I would never of a girl riding will never drive me around on the motor scooter it's a healthy boundary yeah but um yeah we just i think i've only had one of those just one one time where the first time was exceptionally good tell us more um he just knew what to do yeah sometimes people just know what to do it's just a great like he was experienced he he was really good at you know eating a girl out he was really just good at everything but he's like it's more than just that right it's like the

energy of someone when they're in the bedroom he's his energy was just perfect he was calm he was confident and he wasn't a creep he wasn't overly aggressive he was just there for like i don't know something really awesome i ended up falling in love with him because it was that great who is this secret recent i ended up being obsessed with him obsessed but this is um jealous don't act like you're trying to figure it out you're just mad she's like if i look like i'm thinking i'm crying um we'll bang it out but i think with todd too like todd and i had really good sex in the beginning because first of all he's just so cute and it was like he kept coming over to my house

and not making a move and i was like that i'm just so over i'm over like i was like because i dated that guy before him who was like i don't know if i had like told you i'm sure i told you everything but he would be like i want to be the girl and i want you to be the boy and i'm like i'm the fucking girl like it was like you have to like he didn't want to like put himself out there to like make moves he was like i want you to make moves so then he's in the position to reject me i'm like no no no no no and he would say it like out loud he'd be like i want to be like i'm like you're not the girl i'm sorry you're short why did he say that did he say why he wanted that he just was like he was like it's so annoying that i have to be the guy and you guys get to be the girls i want to be the girl oh he just was having an identity

listen he's i he's a very he's a great guy wait so you're saying that todd took a while to make he took a while and i was getting annoyed because i was like oh my god do i have another girl like a girl and then but he was scared because every guy that that hesitated because every guy most guys do hesitate to hit on me because obviously i'm a little i told they always tell me why and it's always that i basically said like i hate when guys hit them like i basically said like do not do the things i want you to do thinking that i'm talking about a different you know what i mean like not them you know it didn't even occur to me that they'd be like but every guy is always like you know you were like i hate when a guy does this or that i'm like oh okay um that makes sense so todd was like afraid and then he um he asked like this girl that we're that we were both friends with he was like

can you just like see when she comes down here? He wasn't sure. Yeah, because he didn't. We worked together and stuff. How far into the hanging out was that? We had been hanging out for a while. I would go complain to him about other boys. Like I go on a bad date. If I were you and he wasn't like it took a while, I'd be like gushing. No, exactly. So then it was like so.

Yeah. And he was. Yeah. He did like a thing where he like crawled on the ground like fucking Leonardo DiCaprio and and what's it called in that movie you know what's the movie wolf of wall street yeah it's like crawling to me it was cute he was so cute yeah he was very hot it was really hot yeah i might just say cute because he's you know i am with you though that like the longer a guy takes to make a move it is just like amazing

and they're like i assume he likes me and then you're like wait does this motherfucker not fucking like me yeah am i getting friend zoned that's so hot please friend zone me yeah because it's it's just it's so it's like a really i'm honestly so horny it's like my jaws got tight just takes it right away too and is like, that's what I want. No. No, because then it's like, it's just so obvious that that's what they want. Yeah. But it's a turn off.

Right. But for like, these are, I'm telling you, these are two people that I had great sex with the first time. One, I'm going to marry and have kids with. And one, I fucked once and he gave me bacterial vaginosis. Right. But you know what I mean? Yeah.

But he did make me cum. Okay was okay so i think you're on to something it's like let me earn you a little bit because i'm somebody who like i get my like i've gotten a certain level of like male validation like my whole life it's not hard to come by it hasn't been like historically hard to come by so when someone kind of just holds off just a little bit it drives it makes me so uncomfortable it's a pattern interrupt too yeah exactly it is a pattern interrupter wait it makes you uncomfortable yeah because i'm not she's not it's a person who is like telling i'm so sorry esther as someone that has recently fallen into this it's been like this always and it makes you uncomfortable if a guy doesn't like you if if you're not getting like yeah like because i've been a boyfriend girl my whole life i there's never really been a time

where i haven't been this is the one or a guy's into you or somebody's into me some i know that i can if if if he screamed out the window someone would come running do you know what i mean like you kind of have that you're like you know like i know i could fuck tonight if i wanted to i know i can have whatever fix crack whatever dopamine hit i need from a fucking guy but when someone is just so like what todd was which was like I'm gonna take my time I'm not fully sure yet it just drives me into like a level of horniness that like I can't even like like my jaws are tightening right now thinking about it pause do you also have this um for lack of a better term, entitlement to male validation. Like, do you,

I need to know this because I did not ever have this like you just suggested. Have you always felt like? Not always, but I always knew I had something going on. Right? I was like getting molested

by like teachers. Exactly. I'm going on like everyone's trying. It's true. People that weren't supposed to be trying to fuck me were trying to fuck me. So not that you feel hot from that, it's like you know like i knew myself

as a sex object and by the way it's not always annoying but well it's not necessarily attention that i wanted some of it but a lot of it was very negative a lot of it was not like a positive experience saying like oh i know a boy likes me sometimes i'm like yeah and then it's so and i don't know of course it sounds bad too wait also this makes so much sense annie that when we first met i felt like we were so similar in our personalities like we had so much in common but the way you are able to reject men it almost felt like a foreign language to me like when you would like truly when you when a guy would hit on you and you'd laugh at that i didn't look at it as like a finite yeah you're like i i gotta keep this i will never forget that it's impacted on me forever like that you laughed at guys who hit on you're like no it's mean though

it's also mean it's like no but the guys that mixed signal the guys that it was it wasn't mean they were mean guys i think i remember who you're talking about now and it was so it was so outrageous it was outrageous how'd you do it how'd you do it no we're i was leaving the comedy sorry just first of all i just come from the i just got past the comedy store by the way right away um hello no one else and it's also guys the types of guys we're talking about guys there are guys who've like made me feel very ugly about myself keep going no but it was i mean i thought it was a joke i was like are you gonna be fucking kidding me how do you ask we were in we're like hanging out at the company first of all i'm at work you know like obviously we're all friends but i'm like like if if you're a comic and i'm gonna go with you like it stars must a lot like

it has to be a whole thing like it can't't just be this guy. Like it was like, are you fucking kidding me? Wait, you were driving? I remember you were driving. I was driving. Yes, I was driving to whatever street I was sleeping on at the time. My little rent-a-rack that I fucking lived in. I rented like a Plymouth Neon that was all dented. And I would just park it near my friend's houses and sleep because I kind of knew the neighborhood.

But I don't know where I was staying at that point, but I was driving to it. And said comedian, who by the way way he pulls up at his pre-ass is this bobby no oh my god that's so insane by the way if you think i wouldn't have told you that day yeah second i spoke to on facetime when i first became friends with you um there's no secret time also that's enough on the details by the way bobby would have been we don't need pre-assessment bobby would have made sense this was like what do you have to offer keep going and um he we stopped at a light and i thought there's like a joke you know he rolls his window and i go like oh hey like we were just hanging out and he goes do you want to come to my house and make out and I was like like ew are you kidding like it was so surprising to me that that person would think

but Todd said this to me he goes he goes Annie I want you to know every open micer secretly thinks they can fuck you I'm like that is so annoying because my whole thing since I was young was like i hate that when people think they can i don't like people being entitled to be able to fuck me or thinking that i would just fuck them or i'm easy or i'm just like this object for them and so when i see the caliber i always thought it was a higher caliber now i go oh it's just all of them it's just every single one of them thinks I'll bang them. You know, I actually once had a moment like this that I'm now remembering. There was a male comedian that I hung out with a couple times.

We went out for dinner or whatever. Usually it's so normal. Super normal. We're peers, right? And this was when I was living in a studio apartment with another person. And he was asking me about it. Because I think he was in town visiting and so he was staying at a friend's and i was like oh yeah like i i share

one room with another oh what a treat as a as a young female comic to have not a place for them to try to bang you in what a good excuse but so then he i had no idea that's where this was leading but so then like after i had explained that to him he was like oh i guess we'll never be able to make out then and i just it's just like that's what you thought was happening here i was so grossed out i and that was probably the only time in my life i've ghosted someone we never he's our peer i've never he's our peer it's never been addressed i'll tell you after the camera this kind of just brought up a really fucking terrible memory for me oh no i once dated somebody oh no i'm feeling extra good when we broke up um and he still had keys to my place um was took revenge on me when he found out that i had been with somebody else like after our breakup by bringing a girl bringing a girl to my place to fuck her and you

know what his excuse was he's like well she lives on a boat so there was nowhere to fuck her and i was like what about your place these themes today i'm capable of murder for that okay and for a while to have someone in your ill is that is that like criminal yes you broke into your place to have sex and i remember writing the girl and being really nice about being like hey girly next time don't use my place as a fuck pad like being really polite too but obviously with some bite into it but i'm like not blaming you for his behavior but also like she knew who i was too like is there some type of girl code where she would have been like wait this is your ex's home and i know who your ex is like some people are very hurting they're very broken inside and they're not aware of that when i I got hit on, did I talk about this on here recently?

When I got hit on by a guy, a Hollywood guy, whose wife is like such an icon, like such a like, I couldn't be a bigger fan. It's like so offensive. I'm like, why would you think I would ever, ever, ever have anything to do with you? Like I would be using you to get to your wife anyway god my heart is still breaking oh getting me telling that story let's go back to talking

shit on comics yeah wait but kalilah i'm sorry that is really traumatic that's really evil someone did something really evil to you i'm sorry you're right i why am i like she's not okay i'm really not okay like i'm like how long ago was it long enough that i should be over it but like i it still like hurts me and i'm like this and i'm like well it's and i continue to be friends with just everybody like it's okay everything's forgiven but i'm like oh i'm a spineless fucking person well no you're coping and you're you're just you're coping and if it's in like a friend group and stuff and you're just trying to kind of like get through it and also sometimes forgiveness is for us not for the other person thank you

oops yeah thank you I feel validated I think I was very enraged in that moment and maybe just tried to block it out but also block it out thing though it's not just like who cares about like the sex and stuff is like a completely separate thing it's like someone like came into your space that's so scary to have someone violate your place and it hurt me because it was somebody that i like loved once upon a time and like even going back to my place i was like where did they fuck did they fuck on my couch on my bed think about the origin of those actions though was like, where did they fuck? Did they fuck on my couch, on my bed? Think about the origin of those actions, though. It was like out of he was in pain. He did it from a place of pain.

And like, so at least that's something. That's a win. No, I think I understood it at that time. I was like, oh, this person must have felt really hurt by the thing that I did, which was move on a little too soon you know and so that happened but yeah you gotta every time you sit down you're like is that wet is that sticky yeah that's violating his pot it's so nasty yeah but it's like even like how do you feel if someone house sits for you like there's certain people I would never let like I probably wouldn't let

anyone really in my house but there's a comic in new york who i really like he's funny but he was like can i stay at your house and i was like no like i would rather literally pay for you to get a hotel than you come to my house i have boundaries now i love my home it's my family's house like you're not going near i don't want you near my plants and shit wait that's a really good move that i've done where it's like i don't want them in my space but they're coming into town i will get a hotel room but you know what i also won't do that because i was thinking about that and then i was like you know what if you're not if you don't have enough money to figure out where you can stay then you shouldn't be coming out here yet you should save

up when you can fucking afford your place because it's like why i'm like the you know i can obviously help people when it's the appropriate thing. But anyway, then he goes, I go, I'm actually out of town that weekend because I was. And he goes, oh, then let me stay at your place. I'm like, the fucking, what would have to happen in the world for me to let you jizz up my beautiful apartment? My gorgeous. No. Really?

I would let him stay. Oh, really? Yeah. I have had guy friends come over to my old apartment and smell your undies no they would take pictures of my dirty underwear ew i know i'm like that's trying to embarrass me i'm not gonna they're not trying to embarrass you yeah they are no they're trying to masturbate to your dirty underwear later i don't you think i think you have the opposite thing because you were like yeah we have we do have opposite instincts there yeah i think everyone has always been trying to fuck you and you just haven't noticed

uh-huh whereas with annie and i it was noticeable because they were usually molested yeah they were interesting the rapage that you said is how you had older brothers whose friends tried to fuck you and that's i think that's like why you don't like older guys and whereas i had an older sister who always had hot boyfriends who wanted nothing that's why you like older women do you like older women no well yeah a couple years how many years well three exactly no three that's not what i was saying but you mean you like guys because of no like my exposure to like the older teen boys was that they didn't like me and you're and they weren't gonna hit on you because they were dating your sister yeah i just had a thought that's blowing my

fucking mind esther you're gonna be 40 what and i can't imagine you looking like this and still be and and be 40 i'm i look like a real a 12 year old who's really tired that's how i'll look the same just tired her this is insane and your mom looks so young yeah she yeah but annie you guys the same thing no i think we look great not even believe my it's so weird i'm so excited to turn 40 but i like it's so weird i'm here it's like so wild you don't age yeah you look incredible it's weird but if i had kids i might have aged sooner i think me too they suck for sure um but um they do the juice wait did we agree that we were all gonna do microneedling together because I got

a place what is it it's you're just small punctures in the skin plus laser on top of it I'm not gonna look

crazy different Annie can't perform mine on me I'm gonna use my micro dick no but I I found us a place I'm gonna put my

period blood all over your face that'll do would you be into that why not Esther's like things she'll try are so weird I found us a place. I'm going to put my period blood all over your face. That'll do. Would you be into that? Why not? Esther's like thing she'll try are so weird. They just always involve someone else's vagina.

Well, microneedling and what questions do we have for the audience in the comments this week? Are you, do you assume people of the opposite sex are into you or not into you also guys are not into me sometimes too i'm not saying every guy's into me but no of course not but you've had very by saying that you have options your whole life means that men have made it known to you have like communicated it yeah nothing's happening again yeah okay i know who would you guys or who did you write a like love letter to what celebrity did you write a love letter to um we love you slugs we'll see you next week with a brand new episode bye guys