Trash Tuesday w/ Esther Povitsky & Khalyla Kuhn - A Valentine’s Date with Bobby Lee - Ep 156

Episode Date: February 13, 2024

Thank you to our sponsors: Helix - Helix is offering 20% off all mattress orders AND two free pillows for our listeners! Go to helixsleep.com/trashtuesday and use code: HELIXPARTNER20. This is their best offer yet and won’t last long! With Helix, better sleeps starts now. Esther’s new movie: Drugstore June!  https://www.drugstorejune.com/. Opening February 23 in New York and Los Angeles.   See Esther on tour. Check out dates at estheronice.com See Annie on tour. Check out dates at https://www.annielederman.com/shows More Bobby Lee:   instagram - https://www.instagram.com/bobbyleelive/ Bad Friends - https://www.youtube.com/c/badfriends  00:00 - The Captain of Too Many Ships 01:30 - Rejected in SLC 03:26 - Drugstore June Promo 04:24 - Mr. Costar Bobby Lee 05:20 - Secrets 06:58 - What I Want the World to See 10:39 - The First Day of Drugstore June 17:25 - The Wrong Missy 26:20 - Drake’s Delicious Penis 31:55 - The Tri-Color: I’m Working On It 33:47 - Can I Tell You Something About Your Face 38:17 - Pitch Black Sex 39:55 - Broaden Your Worldview 46:19 - On a Date with Bobby: Just a Hole and a Heartbeat 51:12 - Too Bloated for Sex 56:51 - Dating in the Family 58:04 - Doing a Podcast With Your Ex 01:05:19 - Wrap Up   Subscribe! https://bit.ly/HitOurButtonsOfficial Clips Channel: https://bit.ly/2QDAi8X Trash Tuesday Podcast iTunes Audio Feed: https://bit.ly/TrashTuesdayPodTrash Tuesday Podcast Spotify Audio Feed: https://bit.ly/TTPodAudioTrash Tuesday Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/itstrashtuesday     Listen to our other Podcasts: TigerBelly - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/tigerbelly/id1041201977 Rick and Esther Have a Time - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/rick-and-esther-have-a-time/id1694264079 AnnieWood - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/anniewood/id1653515392   Follow Us: Khalyla Kuhn - https://www.instagram.com/khalamityk Annie Lederman - https://www.instagram.com/annielederman Esther Povitsky - https://www.instagram.com/esthermonster Theme Song Written by: Bobby Lee http://instagram.com/bobbyleelive Banana Break Song by: Can Nguyen  🍬  https://www.candyedits.com     Produced by: Real Good Touring & Ten42 Podcast Producer(s): Stella Young & Julien Bensimhon   This Video Contains Paid Advertising

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offer and your new three-month unlimited wireless plan for just $15 a month, go to mintmobile.com slash Tuesday. That's mintmobile.com slash Tuesday. Cut your wireless bill to $15 a month at mintmobile.com slash Tuesday. $45 upfront payment required equivalent to $15 a month. New customers on first three-month plan only. Speed slower above 40 gigabytes. On unlimited plan, additional taxes, fees, and restrictions apply. See Mint Mobile for details. How does it start? I've never seen it. it like this but is there an intro and whatnot you've never seen your i've seen clips and stuff but i'm your this is your best friend i know we're friends forever is there like welcome welcome or you can open i don't want to it's on my show Come on, try. I've been the captain of too many ships. And sometimes the captain wants a ride. You sound like you want to be dominated.

Oh, do you? I'm a dominated person. No, no. He is a dominated person. I love being dominated. I actually would agree. I don't know if we want to open the show this way, but Bobby's a total cute little baby sub. Two days I got choked. Yeah,'t know if we want to open the show this way. But like Bobby's like a total like cute little baby sub.

Two days I got choked. Yeah, two days. Two days ago. I don't want to say it, but two days ago I got choked. He likes getting choked by single moms. Yeah, yeah. Single moms specifically. That's like sweet.

And I go, stop mommy. Right? And then they take their thumbs and dig it into your… Like the Adam's apple. And then you think you're going to die. Your thyroid? Oh, yeah, yeah. It's like one of my kung fu.

Do you remember that? What part of kung fu? David Carradine. He died from... Oh, that's right. He jerked off and he... It's called erotic asphyxiation. This is a really good way to start our Valentine's Day episode.

Let's start pure. Let's start Christian. Go ahead. Start. Well, if it's Christian, I shouldn't be the one starting. May I start then? Yeah. You're the one who got rejected by a Mormon restaurant. So yeah, you should start. Okay. Thank you. Wait, what happened? Let me tell you, it's going to blow your mind. And probably not, but me and Andrew were in Salt Lake City. And you know, during the show,

we text restaurants. And so we had Carlos. A friend of the show. A friend of the show. Everyone knows him. Yeah. Call this restaurant, a nice Italian restaurant. And they go, hey, the boys are in town, Andrew and Bobby. We're going to be there on time. But is there like a table we can have? And their response was, we don't want them here.

And I literally almost like, I was going to like Goodfellas a place, like light it on fire. Do you think there's any chance Carlos made that up to punish you guys? We thought, but then we had McCone call and they said the same thing. Really? Yeah. Well, I kind of low-key respect that they're like standing on business. Like they have a set of values, the Mormons do, and you just, your values don't align with theirs.

And they're just like, you know what? It's a bad look for us. Okay. Let's go through Mormon values then. Okay. Shall we okay shall we polygamy right never been polygamized wait i think that one time but aren't they like the ones that don't swear don't drink right yeah i don't drink you want that drink you're sober i'm sober are you mormon exactly i don't drink diet coke wait haven't you i do weren't you mormon at some point in your life? I was baptized Mormon when I was 13. He was baptized Mormon.

That's another thing. Wait, you should have had Carlos tell them that. First of all, can I, Kalilah, I don't want to be disrespectful, but we don't know if it was a Mormon restaurant. It just happened to be. That sounds like a Mormon rejection. No, or it could be we hate those guys. We don't think they're good podcasters, and we don't just like them. Salt Lake, I don't know.

Okay. You know, it could be like just a general anti-hollywood thing you know when people are like we don't want them here oh i thought i was getting a high five i didn't say look i was trying to no look okay helix is offering 20 off all mattress orders and two free pillows for our listeners go to helixsleep.com slash trash Tuesday and use code helixpartner20. This is their best offer yet and it won't last long. With Helix, better sleep starts now. Oh boy, today's episode is, I'm scared. A lot was said, a lot is not being cut out and that is going to be a concern.

Anyways, Bobby Lee is here today promoting our movie Drugstore June, which is going to be in theaters so soon. As you probably remember, in New York City and Los Angeles, we will be in theaters February 23rd. And then March 1st, we're going to be in Austin and there's a ton of other cities. And there are tickets on sale now for a lot of those cities and you can find our theaters our cities at drugstorejune.com and there are so many friends of this show in the movie and I just can't wait for you guys to have like a real life in-person popcorn eating movie experience with hopefully your favorite podcasters or maybe like your eighth favorite podcasters whichever it is it's fine but I'll see you guys there.

Today, my co-star, Mr. Bobby Lee. Ooh. No claps, nothing? Happy Valentine's. Happy Valentine's to you, my friend. And it's really good to be here. It's like climbing inside a womb being with you guys. Because I'm pregnant or is it? No, no, no. I'm sorry. Yeah. No, it's like, no, because And it's really good to be here. It's like climbing the set of Womb, being with you guys. Because I'm pregnant?

No, no, no. I'm sorry. No, it's because you're family and I feel comfortable here. Do you remember the first day on set of Drugstore June? Oh, my God. You're just opening with that? Oh, my God. We talked about it on the show. I know.

You're opening with that. The producer is like, don't have him talk about it. Really? Yeah. Everyone's calling me like, why did you talk about it? Because I did it on Mark, Marin. He's doing the funniest

press tour for this movie because he literally will go on a podcast and just be like, I'm not supposed to say this. And then the host will be like, okay, that's fine.

Let's move on. And then Bobby's like, but I have to say it. Like the hosts of the shows are like, that's okay. No one's trying to dig it out of him. But I think you guys both have this quality where you cannot.

So many times in my life, you both have separately come to me and be like, you tell me like a big secret about yourself. You cannot tell anyone. And like, I'm like shaking. I'm so scared. I'm not gonna tell anyone. Five minutes later, you're both in a huge room telling everyone. You guys are so weird with your own secrets.

I think it's something we should work on. You don't have to. I want to because the way you said it just now, did it make you cringe a little bit? I think you're not wrong. And I think Bobby has kind of like led me astray in that way. Because when I first met him, when I first met him, I was really secret I was really secretive I was like hey like my

information is not to be talked about like publicly because he was already doing podcasts at that time but then like the second week or like no actually no it was like the third week and I found out after that moment you convinced me you're like Kalilah you cannot have people hold your own secrets over you so you have to tell it up front so no one can hold anything over you. And that was the worst advice ever. Cause then I was just like, oh, you know, my this. And then my, you know, thank you.

And so I started like taking, basically following his lead in that way where I was like, no, oh, you're right. Like if I tell it up front, no one can ever hold it against me. Wrong. They can absolutely hold it against you in every single way. But this is now your origin story of why you're a really good podcaster, I have to say. Maybe because he was like, hey,

go tell that story about when you were diddled. And I'm like, are you sure? They're like, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's like, that's fine. I do it all the time. It is fine and it is good. You want to paint a picture that you want people to think that that's the picture, but when it's not. Let me try to reword that because that made no sense. That's fine. What do you do? Take two. I try to put out there a crazy version of my life that isn't necessarily true, right?

But it's like there's hints sometimes. Sometimes there's not. And it's like what I want the world to see. Is that a way to keep people far away? Yeah, because my therapist said that. My therapist goes, you think you're like open and like completely honest about your past. But you're only revealing parts of it. And some of it's not even true.

And sensationalizing. Sensationalizing. But that's not what really happened. That's not who you really are. Right. Sensationalizing. You want people, but that's not what really happened or that's not who you really are. Right. It's like you're going for laughs. Yeah. And I'm protecting

what really is who I am. You know what I mean? Yeah. There are times like when we were in therapy together where the therapist would say like, okay, now tell me the real version. And she would stop him

and saying, okay, thank you for that sweet story, but now tell me what really happened. Yeah, yeah. No, when I went to, I went to that place in Phoenix. I went to a weak psychotherapy kind of a, yeah, yeah. I wouldn't, I've been there a couple of times. And one time I was in.

Is that the place where when you were there, you called Kalilah crying, begging to leave? No, that's the other place. No. No, you called me crying from the other place. I called you crying from both places. Yeah, because you were going through a rough time. No, I don't want to get other place. I couldn't go crying from both places. Yeah. Because you were going through a rough time. No, I don't want to get into that.

Okay. But that's true. I called her a couple times. But I'm in this Phoenix place. Okay. And he's like, well, tell me what happened. And I go, yeah, my dad used to hit me a thousand times, right? Or 10,000 times, whatever.

And he goes, stop. What are you doing? I go, what do you mean? He's like, that's not true. He goes, I exaggerate things by saying 10,000. For the sake, yeah. For the sake of- Like just hyperbolic for the sake of entertaining.

So he goes, I want, how many times do you think? I got, I don't know, 30 in my life. Okay, he goes, that's good. And every time I would say something like that, he would go, stop, that didn't happen. Or be like, you know what I mean, what exactly happened? Do you think he's doing that because your body listens to your mouth? So if you're telling that story, my dad hit me every day, even though he probably hit you,

you know, once every month, like your body sort of believes what you're saying, that hyperbolic kind of version of events rather than the truth. It could be, but I also think it's like, if he says 10,000 times in his subconscious, it's like, this is a funny thing I'm saying, and he's not facing the reality. That's what I'm saying. That's exactly, I think that's more it.

And I will say that I have this memory of going to IHOP with you like 15 years ago and you told this really entertaining story about like behind the scenes in comedy and like everyone it was like me probably Fahim I forget who else maybe Glassman and everyone was like jaw on the floor it was like the most fun entertaining story ever and then to the end you're like that was all made up yeah i was like okay i yeah it's i because i'm very specific when i lie i'm here's the key of lying if you're specific you know i mean like if you talk about somebody's skin go deep into the you know specifics of like what it looks like that is so true because when he is telling the truth and you know it hurts him, he keeps it really vague and he'll run away.

He'll be like, okay, okay, okay. And then he'll go off and not want to talk about it. Recently, I had an experience with somebody. That's all I'm going to say. And this somebody said, can you not talk about this to anybody? Which I'm not, okay? Because I'm being more mindful about stuff like that. But it is something that I've been working on anyway.

Drugstore June, man. What a f***ing wonderful, wonderful project. because I'm being more mindful about stuff like that. But it is something that I've been working on anyway. Drugstore June, man. What a f***ing wonderful, wonderful project. What do you mean the first day of Drugstore June? What happened? First day of Drugstore June was, I feel like the worst I'd ever seen you sort of like emotionally collapse. And that's because you had run out of your medication

and then you had me scour los angeles and mexico for is that really true yeah ask him he'd see it wasn't exaggerated there was an adderall shortage or a riddling short and here's the thing this is when i realized i am so not in the underground drug scene and i probably should be more plugged in yeah because there was no one i could call you on my phone where i was just like, hey, like, let me score some. I couldn't. But eventually I did. I think that's a good thing. I needed medication and I didn't have any. We ran out. And I also I memorized, you know, you know, in my mind, I don't know why, but I'm like, oh, we're going to do the opening. Yeah. Of the dialogue. So I just memorized the first five pages that I was in.

I feel like almost your approach was like a little kid where you thought like the movie would shoot in order. Okay, wait, wait, wait. Let me say something. I know, but I understand that. But since most of my scenes, right, are in the, just in the pharmacy. Yeah.

If I was doing like a sci-fi action movie, right? Of course they shoot, you know what I mean, in different times. I see what you're saying. But for some reason, logically If I was doing like a sci-fi action movie, right? Of course, they shoot, you know what I mean, in different times. I see what you're saying. But for some reason, logically, I was like, why wouldn't they show this first scene? Because all my scenes are just with Esther. I think what made it worse for him was the night before, because I was over.

He really was so studious about his lines. Thank you. And he was studying them. I believe it. He's a professional. And then he was really nervous. And so when he went on set and that's not what you guys were shooting and then minus the Adderall

because he was like, okay, I know I'm running, I've run out of medication so I need to be extra prepared. So he walks in prepared and it's not. And all hell broke loose. And all hell broke loose.

And let me just say this, okay? Drugstore June is a great movie. Go see it in your local theaters. And when it comes on streaming, support the movie because it's like, it's made by comics, I believe. And it's made in-house. The producers are people, are dear friends of ours. Bill Burr, Al Magical, Mike, you know, Jordy,

the All Things Comedy team. Pretty much everyone in the movie are people that we've had long relationships with it felt like being um doing stuff with my friends and it was so fun okay that first date was a nightmare but it wasn't anyone's fault by my own okay so i wanted to say that it wasn't nick's fault it wasn't anyone's fault i and wasn't anyone's fault. I, and thank God for your husband. Really? Yeah.

Thank God for him. Because he saved me. My point though being is this, all right? I'll just say what happened. I'll just say what happened. I show up and it's a great movie. Nick Doosan is directing. How long have you known Nick?

13, 14 years. Me longer. Yeah. And he's bubble butt. He does have a bubble butt. Yeah, yeah. He's got a Brazilian butt and I love it. And I'm not gay,

but it's like when I look at it, I go, that's it. If I was going to date a man, he would be the one because of his bubble butt. My point is that it doesn't not protrude.

Anyway, the second thing I want to say is that Nick, Nick also, since I know him so well, he can't, he talks to me like we're old,

you know what I mean, military, like we were in the war together. Like anything goes, you know what I mean? You know what I mean? Like we served four times in Vietnam,

you know what I mean, kind of a vibe, right? So he can talk to me in the way, you know, sometimes when I'm doing a movie, I don't know the director. So they have to, they have to be political about it.

Yeah, yeah. When they come up to you, it's like, hey, you know what I mean? Can you just try to get, you know what I mean? I want to say both Catherine and I watched the movie this morning and we both really loved it. Oh my gosh, thank you. Really great.

Wasn't it cool to see Bobby, like, his face was the first frame. Yeah, he opens it. Oh my gosh. Thank you. Really great. Wasn't it cool to see Bobby like his face was the first frame. Yeah. He opened it. And I was like, whoa, there he is. And then the whole thing is so funny,

so smart, genuinely. Thank you. And I think it's like so, I will say that it is, I hate to like flex. You never saw it. No, I haven't seen it yet.

You'll never see it. No, of course I will. No, you're not. Of course I will. I'm going to I hate to like flex. You never saw it. No, I haven't seen it yet. You'll never see it. No, of course I will. No, you're not. Of course I will. I'm going to the premiere. Are you crazy? Oh, there's a premiere? Yeah, you're coming too.

I never got to, when is it? February 20th. But I will say, like, I've never felt so proud that both of my co-hosts are in a movie together. And I've just been sort of, like like that's been my flex to everyone lately. I've noticed you do have like a sense of pride about it, which is so nice. I do. Cause it's like,

Bobby's my co-host. You're my co-host. Are you kidding me? I'm so extra special. Okay, here we go. Bobby. No,

I have something to show you. Can we finish? Yeah, go ahead. Go ahead. I gotta finish the Nick's goose and stuff Nick is gonna hate me

talking about it okay but you were there that day I was you felt bad for me I remember you know what I mean having problems

and looking down at you and seeing your peripheral down right because you know what I mean and you just being so concerned for me I because I've been

in your position and there is nothing more there it's such high pressure like if you're not getting something right whether it's the lines like you know I've been in a situation exactly like this but a little different where I will just tell you guys right now it was the worst day of my life when I was on workaholics and I had to do two lines this was like Dave had written for the show, but didn't write there anymore. So it was all his friends and Dave had come to set and I, they were telling me to be sarcastic. And somehow I literally didn't know what sarcasm was, even though I was working

in comedy at that point, like seven and a half years. And they kept trying and trying. And like, literally it was like the sweat, the like lights on you. I couldn't like, finally they had to like, when then when Dave got there, they were like,

like Dave had to come in and help me the way he helped you. Yeah. He's a great, he's great at it. He's, and like, they just kind of had to force line read. I just, I, yeah, that's what happened. I want just kind of had to force line read. I just,

I, I, yeah, that's what happened. I want to, I want to say what happened to me, I guess then, because I've never said this before

that's been aired and I don't think you should cut this part out because it's like, same thing happened to me when I did Spade's movie, The Wrong Missy. Oh,

I remember this. Do you remember that? I absolutely remember this. So what happened was, and every time I tell this story, I always tell them to cut it out. But I don't want you to cut it out because I'm going to say it in a way

where it's going to be more positive. Okay? Okay. So Dave asked me to do The Wrong Missy. I go, I read it, and it's like one line. And it's shot in Hawaii. So you go,

why can't you just get a local to do it? Because I just really want you to do it. He's like, oh my God, all right. And here's another thing casting is so weird it's so weird not only that it's also everyone I know

that's in the movie has funny things to do I mean they just have great parts they can run around be zany like you know

Lapkus and Wachowski all these guys right just having a blast I have to say one like welcome to the hotel that's basically my only line. Welcome to Alawani Hotel,

whatever it was, right? So I'm sitting there and Dave Spade approaches the desk. I go, welcome to Alawani Hotel, whatever the hotel, whatever I say it. And I hear, God,

and Adam Sandler comes to me. Right? I didn't even know he was there.'s not directing you know he's producing it but i don't know he was there and he basically goes yeah man not more real like what are you doing and and when that when you're under like a pressure situation where the lights are on you there's hundreds of people people around, right? And I look at Adam and go, okay, we'll just do it again, right? Welcome to the hotel, whatever. Cut.

Yeah, man, it's like, it doesn't feel like acting, right? And now, my forehead split open. And it's like, shh. It's Hawaii. One line. One line. Sweat just, shh.

My face. You all right? And I look at Dave Spade, and Dave goes, I'm sorry. Like, whispers it. I must have done that line 20 times. And every time, it got worse and worse. To the point where you're like, I don't think I'm speaking English.

I must not be speaking English. It's so real that once you know you're doing bad, you only can get worse. It gets worse. You get in your mind, especially with people like us, you start spinning. But does it make it worse

when you only have one or two lines? Yes. That's another thing. Yes. Because when everyone's talking you repeat the line over and over again in your head you're being welcomed because you're like they're gonna give me my one moment i just how i have to kill this i have to kill this one line if i don't hit this line i'm a loser right and it's like you can't you're not even really acting because it's

like when you're acting you're you're in a scene but when it's like one or two lines you're just have to get the line out yeah yeah and then and then there's exercises you do like this is an exercise red leather yellow leather red leather yellow leather red leather yellow leather that's supposed to untie right so seriously spades walking to a fucking thing i one line walk i'm in my hand red going, Red leather, yellow leather, red leather, yellow leather. He goes, hello. I go, Hotel. Right? And when it's coming out, you know it's wrong. Right? You're like,

The other thing that's going through my mind in that situation is like, I'm such a small part of this that all I'm here to do is make this go easier for the big parts. Like they're putting all their time that that's the movie but when you're one line

it's like you're just like a prop basically so you just know you have to kill it. So it's like if you don't you're just a f*** nothing. You're a f*** nothing.

It's so And now you're just holding up for the day. Yeah you're holding up something for you're wasting time. And then people are blushing for you. Other actors are completely blushing.

And you're looking, you're like, I should kill myself right after this. I'm going to literally kill myself. I think that you almost did. And I think I almost did too. You went to strip steak after that. No. Oh, no. You met Gene on that trip.

So this is a lesson in life. So on the van ride back, I'm literally like, tears welling up in my eyes, vibrating. Like this, right? I'm gonna kill myself. You know what I mean?

So I go to the hotel and I go, I just gotta get something to eat. So I go to this f***ing shitty Japanese restaurant that's a part of the hotel. I'm at the bar and the only thing I remember

reading is wontons. I'm sitting there eating wontons. I don't even know what a wonton is. I hate them. But I'm sitting there eating wontons and I hear next to me, yo, you're Bobby Lee. And I look over and there's a f***ing Korean guy sitting there. His similar big head. And I go, yeah. And he goes, oh, my name is Gene.

I'm like, I don't give a fuck I go oh yeah he's like we met at the Earth Bar 15 years ago on Santa Monica and I go oh yeah he goes you complimented me on my jeans and I go oh we were wearing raw denim he's like yeah and he goes

they were APC jeans I go oh yeah but they rip you know when you wear them a lot they rip in the crotch he goes yeah yeah we started talking about that and then I go, oh, yeah. But they rip, you know, when you wear them a lot, they rip in the crotch. He goes, yeah, yeah, yeah. We started talking about that. And then I go, what do you do? He goes, I'm the executive producer of Magnum PI, right? And also, I worked on Community and all these shows.

And he goes, let me write a part for you on Magnum. And I go, okay. Right? And then, you know, ever since then, I did, what, 12 full episodes of magnum like i became almost a series regular like you know i mean like like a family that show became so it's like because i said yes to david because i was being helpful for him and his project even though the day went really bad although fyi i love adam i've talked to him many many times since then and um he's super sweet and i love him and it wasn't a knock

on him i think i just worked in just wasn't my day it happened it happened so then i um and then you know i you know said yes to thing, and then something better happened. Even better for me because Gene then, I mean, now is like one of my closer friends. He's one of Dave's best friends too. It is crazy that you met him just on accident in Hawaii. It's like I honestly believe, and people are going to go, no, it's all coincidence. And people are going to go, no, it's all coincidence. But I've been alive for 52 years.

And I honestly believe that the things that I've experienced, even the bad stuff, it all just sort of worked out. And it also just kind of put me in a direction. Here's what they say in AA when I was 17. They said, even if you write down all your dreams on a piece of paper, 20 years from now, even if you stay sober, you're going to get so much more and you're going to get things that you didn't even expect. Right. Like, you know, none of the things that I have experienced in the last 25, 27 years I've been in the business I planned or even dreamt about, Like there was no podcasting

when I started doing standup, but it's like, it put me in a direction where I was like, this is what's supposed to happen. I feel like this is the right direction. And it's, I live a really big, exciting life. Now, granted, there's a lot of pain that comes with that. We've all experienced, I've experienced that. With the highs come the lows. Don't we all know? That's life. That's life. Thank you.

No. That's life. I do also want to add to that that Adam has been so supportive of Drugstore June. Yeah. He came to the set. He came to a screening, like took everybody out to eat. He's just been so supportive and loves the movie and has said, like, we got to get this out there. Like he's going to promote it on social media.

So he's very proud of the movie, too. I also want to say this about Adam because Jackie's in it, too. His wife is in it. She's amazing. And she's such a girl. She plays one of the detectives. And six months ago, me and Andrew were in Detroit. And I get a call from Adam.

And Adam goes, yo, dude, we're doing a show down the street. Obviously, he's playing like a 20,000 seat arena. But me and Andrew, and he goes, come eat with us afterwards. So he invited me and Andrew to the steakhouse. And it was Adam, Kevin James, Rob Schneider was there, a bunch of people I know. Our tour manager's brother had some difficulties

mentally. And his favorite movie was Waterboy. And our tour manager was expressing that to Adam like, you know, he just grew up because he relates to Waterboy. So I remember Adam FaceTiming him. Are you serious? Oh yeah, and going, hey man,

thank you for being a fan. I love that guy a lot and he's a great guy. I don't know why I just said that, but let's move on. Drugstore June, when does it come out? February 23rd. I'm really happy and proud of you both. I have a great seg.

Okay. What's the seg word? That's very Valentine's Day themed. Yeah. Have any of you guys seen or heard about what's happening with Drake? No. As of yesterday. I saw his delicious penis online.

Oh, so you did see it? It's long. It's delicious. What? But can I say this too? You don't hold the base. So he had his erection and he was holding the base of his penis. And he squeezed it to make it more, you know what I mean, veiny.

And I just don't like that. I actually think he's being very casual and relaxed about it. Why is this online? What's going on? Who posted it? Is this like illegal? A girl that he, I guess it was a Right?

Yeah he must have sent this To a girl And then it got leaked And that girl Go f*** yourself The beautiful penis of Drake He gives you a gift What's your

How do you rate his penis? Oh f*** 9.5 for sure What do you like about it? Long One color Black It's not even zoomed in

You don't know Like if it's tricolor or not or one color. Yeah, but just from afar. I mean, I'm not going to get... I'm sure if I get a close-up of his penis, I can find imperfection.

Oh, there's a f***ing freckle. Okay, so you don't like that he's holding the base. Yeah. Why? You don't like that he's holding the base? Well, now that... I didn't see him masturbating.

The photo... That's the photo I saw. Him squeezing the base. They're going, look at how big my dick is. But if it's mid-stroke, then, you know what I mean? I let that slide. It's the photo I saw. Him squeezing the base. They're going, look at how big my dick is. But if it's mid-stroke, then I let that slide. It's long. But can I say something about his penis though right now? It's long

but I have to admit, mine's thicker. Do you see, like, do you men in comedy, do you guys all show each other your penises? I've kissed Andrew's sack before. Sack, yeah.

A penis. Sack is very like non… But I've seen the penis. Yeah, but I feel like… I've seen Greg Kreischer's penis and his butthole and his taint. Why is that? I saw it on TV. I feel like it's the same reason we show ours.

We were shooting a show. His show, The Cabin. And he did this thing where I gave him a colonic. Right? So he was bent over. And when you stick a tube in somebody's butthole, I was giving him a coffee enema or something. And I looked.

And it's these bull, you know what I mean? Testicles. I saw the penis. And I have to say, not as good as Drake's, but probably a good 8. 7.5. i have a question about the drake video okay um when you are um like chook chook like that when you're when you're yeah chook chook is that what does chook chook really mean i'll tell you what chook chook means

okay chook chook means it's not an actual korean word like if there was a webster's dictionary in korea they wouldn't call a webster's dictionary in korea they wouldn't call it webster's either they probably go dictionary it wouldn't be in the dictionary anything chook chook and i asked a korean dude once this older man i go what does chook chook mean he goes he goes oh it's a it's a you know it's sex i go but why chook chook? And he goes, well, that is what it sounds like. I go, I've never f***ed anyone and heard chook chook. What do you sound? What do you hear?

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. What? Does that sound accurate since you guys have obviously had that together? That's you. That was a dead impression of your vagina when it's wet. Ew, do you have memories? Oh, yeah.

Ew, Bobby. What do you mean? Instilled in my brain, baby. Would you be able to pick my out of a lineup? A thousand. Visually? God, we should have played this game. I should have sent you guys pictures. Yeah, yeah. Sound?? God, we should have played this game. I should have sent

you guys pictures. Sound? Not sound, just on looks alone. Oh, 100%. Really? Memorized. There's a study that

showed that guys remember details of sexual encounters a thousand percent more than women. Yeah, and girls have dick amnesia. If I was going to

describe a painting, what it's like, you know that classic painting of that man? Wait, who's the artist for that? Yeah, wait, who does that artist? Wait, that's such a good impression.

You need to have that in your act. Yeah, yeah. That's what your vagina looks like. Like a painting. You need to do that in your act. I will, yeah. So that's what it looks like painting-wise.

Oh, I accept that. You're welcome. Yeah, that's an iconic painting. Yeah, yeah. It's called The Scream. Oh, The Scream. Is it by Salvador Dali? That's your vagina right there, dude.

That's a horrifying painting. If you had a friend and they were like, I painted this, what would you, you wouldn't think it was good, right? I would think it was. Oh, yeah, you're right. I think that's interesting. I think I'd be like. That's scary, man. Let me, okay, let's say I painted that.

I go, Esther, I just painted that. What do you think? Oh. Already that? It means it's bad. Are you, what is it about for you? Well, it's just my inner fears. And I think it's, it resembles for me,

I don't know, but that's what your vagina looks like. But my point is this. I accept. What does my penis look like? What painting? You know what I mean? I imagine my penis is like a Dali painting no it's not so much a painting

it's more like a like an Asian delicacy that's great yeah like at a nice restaurant we have this thing called budbud it's kind of this like

like a budbud no it's god there's another word for it that might be more specific but it's basically rice but it's like purple and. No, it's... God, there's another word for it that might be more specific. But it's basically rice, but it's like purple and white rice and it's like wrapped in banana leaves because of the tricolor.

But also, if we were just going to go with basic American foods, I've said this a thousand times, like Neapolitan ice cream because you have the tricolor. You have the strawberry, but not the chocolate. I don't want to talk about the color anymore

because I'm working on that, you know? How are you working? You're getting your stuff lightened? I got the cream. What cream? You did not. Yeah. Well, I got the, once you check it out,

I got the cream from my liver spots. Oh, I think this is very, this is prescription strength and you should be very careful about putting it down there. It burns. Is it like hydroquinone? Yeah.

Oh, yeah. I've been doing it on this brown stripper on my penis. I would be careful. No, no, no, Bobby. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Have you asked? Esther, yes.

No, no, no. Oh, yes. Oh, yes oh yes and i've been putting around it but it burns like i don't know no that cream is white strips i've been using white strips around my penis straight bleach i have has anyone is that truly like an insecurity of yours has any girl ever said huh that's a weird color variation no they've never mentioned but i've seen this before if If they're blowing me in the light, they'll go like this. But we do that with everyone.

No, but it was not. Watch. Watch. Slow the motion of this. Look. And in this, right, I don't know what's going on in the brain, but it can't be good.

What do you think they're thinking? She's basically like, I'm a fan, I'm a fan, I'm a fan, I'm a fan. To get through it or whatever. He's funny, he's funny, he's funny, he's funny. You know what I mean? But at my age, though, I'm like, I don't care. But you just said you're... You just put petrochemicals on your penis.

No, I'm wondering if it works. I don't think it's like, I don't really care. I'm just saying, is this going to work? The one thing I've heard about that cream, because I have sunspots too, and I like got some and was going to use it. And then I read that like, it never leaves your bloodstream.

Oh, it's like corn. It's like corn. Like everything, we have so much corn in our bodies. If we analyze our hair follicles, corn will show up. Yeah, corn. We're made of corn and our bodies. If we analyze our hair follicles, corn will show up. We're made of corn and plastic. Plastic, yeah. Anyway, really, you've heard that?

Yeah. So you never used it? I stopped using it, yeah. Can I tell you something about your face? Sure. I would take this jacket off. Let's talk about your face. I've always enjoyed your face.

I know, I know. Yeah. But the one thing, if I were to change it. Yeah. Oh, no. Esther's mom is here. What? Mom.

My mom is here. Oh, yeah. No, no. It's nothing about. She'll probably agree. Let me say something about your mom. I'm going to say something to your mom. Okay.

You did a great job with her. That's not true. No. Let me say something, right? I'll tell you why. Because when I look at you and I look at people that are my friends especially in this business i go it's i i the resilience the i mean no thank you the fortitude you know i mean the you walk through so much bullshit and fear right and you don't quit that shows so much about tells me so much bullshit and fear, right? And you don't quit. That shows so much about,

tells me so much about you. Thank you. Your character. Thank you. And so I think you did a great job and congratulations. Here's my negative. Should we do this over a banana?

Yeah, yeah. Give me a banana. Give me the ripest one. I don't care what it is. Yeah. Thank you. Get out of here now. Thank you.

I'm so mean to her. Kate, you can't physically abuse the producers. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm sorry. I love you. You're showcasing too many veins on your temple. That's all I'm saying. Oh, that's because I'm like translucent, right?

That's like a color issue. Yeah, I don't like it. She just likes skin. Yeah. Okay, get a tan tan let's move on after years of fine print contracts and getting ripped off by overpriced wireless providers if we've learned anything it's that there's always a catch so when i heard that for a limited time all mint mobile wireless plans are 15 a month when you purchase a three-month plan i thought where's the catch but after talking to them it all made sense there

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I didn't realize it was a Helix. It's really good, isn't it? We're a Helix household too. Every single mattress in every single room, my mom's house, my sister's, myself, all Helix. Bobby's, Helix. We've been a Helix family for, I'd say, at least the last five years, and I will never switch to another mattress. What I love about the Helix is that they have every single type of variety mattress that

your body needs. For example, I'm a side sleeper, and I run pretty hot, so I chose the Midnight mattress. And you have the option to upgrade to the Lux, which is the thicker mattress, if that's what you're into. That's what I have. I have the Midnight Lux because I knew for me it the Lux, which is the thicker mattress, if that's what you're into. That's what I have. I have the Midnight Lux because I knew for me it was going to be the guest bedroom mattress.

It was going to be something, like it's a mattress we're putting in the baby's room. So, you know, maybe I'm going to be sleeping in there sometimes, maybe Dave, my family. And honestly, everyone who has slept on it is giving rave reviews. I'm always like, how's the mattress?

How's the mattress? I'm such a good host. And Helix has a guarantee. They know that there's no better way to test out a new mattress other than just by sleeping on it in your own home. That's why they offer a 100-night trial and a 10 to 15-year warranty to try out your new Helix mattress. I just feel like it's really complicated

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every single night. And mom, you don't sleep well. That's why I'm shocked you're sleeping well at my house. Well, I mean, my mattress at home, I wake up every morning, my back hurts. And now it doesn't. And your dad keeps saying we should get a new mattress. And I'm seriously, I think this is it. Oh my God. We have one Helix sold today. Oh, my gosh, you guys. Helix is offering 20% off all mattress orders and two free pillows for our listeners. Go to helixsleep.com slash trash Tuesday and use code HelixPartner20. This is their best offer yet, and it won't last long.

With Helix, better sleep starts now. their best offer yet and it won't last long with helix better sleep starts now i will say with you know like not liking the way women react to the colors of your penis i've thought a lot about this because you know like i'm pregnant my body's going through changes like i'm not super secure about all of them And I'm just thinking like in the future for me, possibly I'm going to be committed for a while to sex acts being in pitch black dark. And I think that could solve, that could just like solve all the problems. But I feel like men are not into pitch black sex as much as women are. Okay.

They need to see things. So it's like there has to be a happy medium somewhere. Yes, Bob, you had something? Which tells me before you were having just bright sex? Yes. Yes. Ah. That's like psychopathic, right?

Like I've never had broad daylight. That's crazy. You change it up. It's not you. I just know what Dave looks like. My point is. You know what I mean? Wow. I love Dave. Very looks like. My point is Wow.

I love Dave. Very talented. But nice guy. Alright, so now, can this happen? Can you turn off all the lights and light a couple candles? Yeah. Good. What world are you going to light a candle and actually set the scene, Bobby? Without burning down someone's home.

No, no. She's saying I wouldn't do it. Oh, you wouldn't do Pitch Black? No, I mean, I've no offense, but since Kalai and I broke up, I've been with a couple of women that have had kids, and I look at their bodies and I really

go, I just, I love it all. Yeah. You know what I mean? I believe that. I've also, let me say something too. I've also hooked up with some girls that are supposedly hot. And it's like, pass. Like, no thank you. Can you say more as to why?

It's their personalities. It's their personalities. It's also like just their worldview bothers me. Yeah. Yeah, like I only listen to Taylor Swift and that's it. It's like, come on, dude. My favorite movie is Elf. Elf really is iconic.

Great movie for the holidays. I love it. Great movie. But if that's your favorite movie of all time, you have a fucking problem. No, I disagree. I think that's a great choice for a no i i disagree i think that's a great choice for a favorite movie because it's especially if you have some nostalgia around christmas especially if you're saying like she's a parent and it's something that she's bonded

you know you know over her you know but i would see how i if a guy told me that was that elf was his favorite movie i would be a little bit like I wish you were a little smarter than that. Yeah, I agree. Thank you. I wish you liked Munich or like just some- Munich with Eric Bana? Just like something about the world that makes you think.

Yeah. Like a comfort movie is Elf. Right. But a favorite movie. It's embarrassing, I would say. It's so, it's like Taylor Swift, it's so everyone likes it, which I understand, but.

Yeah, when girls go, she's the best, Taylor Swift. Fine, I've listened to some of her music. I think she's great. I think Jack helps the right, what's his name? Jack Antonoff. Antonoff, right?

He's a, I love the Bleachers. And what they have together is a great team. And some of the songs are great, mind you. But I have to ask these women. I go, when you're at the concerts and you see eight-year-old girls screaming near you, that's the mentality where you are. That's so funny. I never really thought about it.

I don't think so. I go, ah! And some girls are like, you know what I mean? And you look. I disagree. Yeah, yeah. I have a point to make about that. Let's argue.

Okay. Because I'm going to win. My point to make about that. Let's argue. Okay. I'm going to win. My point to make about this is that, like, we like songs for different reasons. And what's great about Taylor Swift songs is that sometimes I just like it for the melody and the easiness of it all. And there are other times where I re-listen to it at a different time in my life. And all of a sudden, the lyrics are, like, jumping out at me. And all of a sudden, I relate to it. Fair.

So it's like you have an 8-year-old who's just in it for the melody and you have you know a 40-year-old who's like oh my god like august is making me cry simpsons like go ahead excuse me okay so aggressive i'm not being aggressive i'm not being aggressive okay what's going on but if that's the only thing you listen to you have a point there and that's i'm not being aggressive, okay? What's going on? But if that's the only thing you listen to. You have a point there. And that's, I'm not kidding you. Four girls I've gone on dates with, that's the only thing.

And they refuse to open. Like the other day, I was like, let me just say something about Andrew Santino. When we go to a restaurant or any environment or backstage where there's like a speaker and there's Bluetooth, he always has to be the DJ. I mean, he's the one that's doing the Bluetooth restaurant or any environment or backstage where there's like a speaker and there's bluetooth he always has to be the dj you know i mean he's the one that's doing the bluetooth and connecting it

and also you know i mean powering it i i'm like what i know music you know he always you know he's that kind of guy. No. What? What is this going to be? I'm scared. Number one, I love him. And number two, his wealth of knowledge of all things would boggle your fucking mind, dude. Yeah. Because it's large or small? Oh, it's so large.

Like, that's why I'm okay with him Bluetoothing it because he educates me. Yeah, because if you were the Bluetooth guy, I mean, everyone would be sad and down and depressed for the rest of the day. Exactly. Because it's all Red House painters. No, it's not. It's all…

Oh, f*** you. I'll f*** myself. The one thing I will say that I love that you play a lot is Niels Fromm. I play a lot of good things. Yeah, you do. But it is generally of the melancholy kind of vibe. Hey, f*** you.

Let me say something to you, okay? Name a happy song you just listened to. Me? Yeah. Pale Blue Eyes. Oh, yeah. Velvet Underground. Sad. Dave likes that.

Thank you. I love that song. That's boy music to me. There are two playlists. He's a big Wilco guy, too. Okay. In my house, I have my sad playlist. But I have

a playlist where, oh, there's a group of people. I want to play this. There's some Al Green. You are such a f***ing liar. You're a liar. Here's why you're a liar. You're a lying piece of s***. And let me say something about you. If it's around other people. You're a lying piece of s*** right now. You're trying to paint a picture. You're such a liar. That's deceiving. I'll tell you guys this. And wrong.

And go f*** yourself. Let's move on. Publicly, he wants to be the emo, melancholy, f*** Brian Eno guy. But when we are lying, we've lied down together many nights as a couple. And I can hear Demi Lovato blasting. But you would never, never admit to that publicly. I don't even know who that is. You want to be Brian Eno. I don't even know who that is.

Who is it? Demi what? You love Demi Lovato. I don't know who that is. You want to be Brian Eno. I don't even know who that is. Who is it? Demi what? You love Demi Lovato. I don't know who that is. And that's f***ed up. You wouldn't even say that. I don't know who that is. I rest my case.

I rest my case. You'll never admit to it. I'll never admit to what? Loving the- Demi Lovato? Was it? Levati. Whatever it is.

He knows who she is, Stella. Don't need to bring her up. Do you like Lana Del Rey? She's like sad. I've never heard of her. What? Whatever it is. He knows who she is, Stella. Don't need to bring her up. Do you like Lana Del Rey? She's like sad. I've never heard of her. What? Bobby. I love her.

That last album was so good. Okay. Of hers. Let me go back to Andrew, okay? So like he'll play, like something will come on and I'll go, who is this? And he'll go, oh, you don't know Warren Zevon, right? And I'll write it down, right? So it's like, I don't know why I even came into this,

but I'm just saying, you know what I mean? I trust him. Why did I even go into it? I forget. Oh, Taylor Swift. Oh, Taylor Swift. Right. What?

Your beef with Taylor Swift. Oh, my beef with Taylor Swift. I don't know why I went in. Or your beef with the girls that only like Taylor Swift. Right. So what I'm saying is I basically want to date a girl like Andrew. That knows, you know what I mean? This sort of like validates our whole theory that like boys just want to date a girl like Andrew. That knows. This sort of validates our whole theory

that boys just want to be with boys. Yes. You guys just want to be together. Dave even admits to it. He's like, yeah, I would love to just date my friends. Yeah, if Andrew had a vagina. You would just learn more. Yeah, but it's like even... I don't start a war

but learn more okay yes but even not you two girls well let me ask you something would you say here we go let's play a game

can we play a game actually don't we have a music game no can I listen I'm here may I play a game yeah you may

I don't know you okay right I don't know you you're not pregnant we're on our first date okay I'm gonna ask you, okay? Okay. Right? I don't know you. You're not pregnant. We're on our first date. Okay. I'm going to ask you some questions that I usually ask to get to, just to see, you know,

just to see if we're on the same wavelength. I've always wanted to know what it would be like to be on a date with Bobby. All right. No, I'm not. It's not going to be like, hey, welcome. We're at dinner. We already did all that. Okay.

Let me ask you something. Name me three Scorsese movies. Killers of the Flower Moon. The Departed. I feel like I'm on the spot. I can't think of it. Okay, good. Okay.

Two out of three is great. Yeah. Next question. Already, you beat 99.9% of the people. Already, you're in. I know it's shallow what I'm saying is it shallow?

it's actually not shallow because I think it's cool to want someone who has your same interest what would be shallow is if you're like I don't care what she says she's hot

like that's shallow to me but I think the the alternative too is if she doesn't know and if she knows this is something like you're super into, for her to be like, oh, like, can you recommend movies that I… No, you're reading it wrong.

To me, it's like I can't even fathom why you wouldn't know anything. Not one. Right? Are you a part of planet Earth? Do you have any interest in culture? But why are your likes the only thing that matter and here's the thing no listen well i'm sorry i don't want to say that i love you what i mean like your interests are not the only thing that other people should be interested about a week

ago i hung out with a woman she had kids young you know i was just thrown into responsibility and working and right i get it right so i well, have you seen these movies? She's like, no. And I go, well, I think you should maybe watch. She goes, I'm willing. Give me a list. And she watched all of them. Really? See, that's what I'm talking about.

I don't care if, but a lot of women are not even open. Like, no, Elf is it. Taylor Swift is it. That would be me. And when they're like that, I'm like, oh, well, you're just retarded. I'm sorry to even use that term. I feel guilty. But that's the word.

There's no other word for it. So let me ask you some more. Okay. Okay. Oh, so two. That's great. Did you like The Departed? I actually love The Departed.

Yeah, it's great, right? But I did recently rewatch it and realized when I was loving it in college, I didn't understand any of it. But you understand it now? Yeah. But The Departed is not the original, right? That's why I loved her. Oh, my God. Yeah, the original. Damn. loving it in college I didn't understand any of it but you understand it now yeah but the part of it is not the original right that's why I loved her

oh my god yeah the original see when I dated her at day one I'm like oh that's it holy shit

it's not it's originally a Hong Kong movie you know what I mean I should just go no no no and it's called Infernal Affairs

yeah see that's what I'm saying that's what I like and why do you know that? Because I'm a movie buff. Because she's a part of planet Earth. And she's willing to learn things. But also, that's unfair.

Because I'm a movie buff. My dad was. I watched a lot of like. That's fine. I get it. But honestly, though. Like that one movie with the dogs. Oh.

Beverly Hills Chihuahua? No, not Beverly Hills Chihuahua. Amores Peros. What did you say? Beverly Hills Chihuahua no not Beverly Hills Chihuahua Amores Perros what did you say? Beverly Hills Chihuahua that was funny no it's by the date is not going well

it's not going well it's an Inaritu film it's called Amores Perros I had never seen it I watched it with her and I thought it was fucking amazing

like I want to be able to go oh thank you for you know what I mean showing me something that I thought it was fucking amazing. Like, I want to be able to go, oh, thank you for, you know what I mean, showing me something that I wasn't privy to. You know, I'm really glad that you're saying this

because my whole young life, I'm like, it's just about looks. But then you realize you got to know stuff too for guys to like you. Oh, that's most of it. I know. That's most of it.

I'm learning this too late. No, you're 20s now. I didn't care. Yeah, that's most of it. I know. That's most of it. I'm learning this too late. No, you're 20s now. I didn't care. Yeah. Or you're breathing. I mean, basically, you know what I mean? Your eyeballs work. Let's go.

You know what I mean? When you get after 35, you're like, no, I can't do it. I just picture Bobby in his 20s on a date with a set of lungs and eyes. Yeah. Just a hole and a heartbeat. Just the lungs and the eyes. There's nothing else. That's a good cartoon.

Yeah. Well, there's a vagina too. A vagina, lungs, eyes. I'm good. Well, this is a relief to know at least that like you are looking for something substantial and not just like looking for the next hot chick. Sometimes what you're looking for has been right. What?

I know what you're trying to say. I know what you're trying to say, and it's not the right time. Okay, okay, sorry. Keep going. What you're basically saying is I should go back to Kalina. No, no, no, I don't mean that. She didn't say that. I'm so sorry.

She was talking about her. Okay, we've got some. What is this? These are bad Valentine stories from our slugs, and we need your input and advice okay i wore sexy red lingerie under my clothes for my ex to take off he didn't see the lingerie because he was too bloated for sex no no v-day present also so basically this girl went out of her way to buy sexy lingerie, put it on, wore it under her clothes, and the guy was like, no, I'm too bloated for

sex. And he also didn't get her anything for Valentine's. Sounds a little bit like someone we know, huh? Yeah, you know, I can't, I mean, I don't want to... Defend the guy. I just want to hear your point of view. Number one, I feel like they've been in a relationship for a while, right?

And I get it. And it's okay for a man to go, I'm bloated and I don't want to have sex right now. It is okay for a man to say that. Because you guys are always tired or I'm not mentally, you know, it's like we can do it too. Correct. Yeah. But I will say that a sexual rejection from a man is really hard for me same and it's hard for me when a woman rejects me as well touche it somehow it just i

can't i don't believe it's the same kind of pain i'll tell you why we're used to the pain no because women are supposed to be the object of desire like for us to feel horny we we we have to be the object of desire. Like for us to feel horny, we have to be the object of desire. There was a time in society where the guy had to go hit on the girl and we had to get rejected.

You think that shit was fucking easy? It was hard. There was a lot of sadness involved, but we did it. So boo-hoo. No, no, no. You get a little bit

of fucking sadness. Go fuck yourself. No, it's in your biology to want to chase and to want to pursue and to want to do the work. When you're sensitive like me, I was so sensitive and I hate rejection.

My parents rejected me. Oh, Bobby, I'm sorry. That's so funny to go there. With fake tears. My parents rejected me and so when later in life, you know, I had to f***ing put myself out there

and get rejected over and over again. And then not only that, I get it with Hollywood. No, no, no, no, no, right? It's all these no's. So grow up. Yeah, he's bloated. Bobby's impression of Hollywood.

No, no, no, no. No, no, Ken Jeong, Ken Jeong, Ronnie Chang,. No, no. Ken Jeong, Ken Jeong, Ronnie Chang, Jimmy O. Yang. Ken Jeong, Ken Jeong, Ronnie Chang. That's what I get. He got a star on the Walk of Fame. Yeah, Kenda, yeah. Congratulations, Kent.

My point is this. So I don't, like, this guy is allowed to say he's bloated. I'm sorry. Next question. But what about the lack of effort on the other stuff? It's okay.

Like, he didn't get her anything. Why do you need stuff? Because you want to feel like held in mind. Do you care about Valentine's? Is it something that you at least want Dave to acknowledge? Okay. Everyone knows that for my first Valentine's Day with Dave, he got me a mug. Great.

And I was like, are we coworkers? No. What did the mug say? Nothing. Now what? Greater. You know why? He wants to, it's an empty cup and he wants to do the same with you.

I don't know. Anyway. I don't make any sense. I am not a big holiday girl. It's just holidays have always been a harder area for me but I do this would upset me but I would also I'm so insecure I would like know not to set myself up for this kind of rejection like it's almost like why I dress in sweatpants and like look like shit all the time I don't if I feel and look like I'm trying and then I'm going

to get rejected it will destroy my whole world and so I feel for her but I'm like it's almost like I'm so insecure that I've prevented this from ever happening to me because I'm so scared have you ever put on lingerie for a partner or just never yes when I've been in a situation finally where I felt like someone wanted that and maybe we went out and got it together. Yes, Bobby? We don't give a shit. Get naked.

That's what does it. It's like when I open up a Christmas present, right? I open it up. Oh, there's another layer. Let me get to the f***ing present. I think there's a lot of men like this. And then there are some that are like, the turn on is like that the woman put in effort and tried.

Yeah, it's like when you wear red lingerie, it's like, what am I in Deadwood at the f***ing brothel? I mean, that's what it looks like. Red lace, it's like, get that out. But that's your preference. Like you never cared when I it looks like. Red lace. It's like, get that out. But that's your preference. Like, you never cared when I would wear, like, granny 5000s. I love granny 3000s. And he just isn't a lingerie guy.

He can't tell. That's just what he's into. I don't know a guy that likes that. By the way, we also shared underwear. You like it? I've heard both sides. Thank you, mom. Mom, why?

Oh, my God. I didn't even know my dad doesn't like it. My mom is off camera going, dad. Yeah, yeah. And also, we all know that's just because he doesn't want you to spend money on it. Like, sometimes, you know, you'll see a girl that,

I shaved my pits for you or whatever. That's nice. Sometimes, you know how in a relationship, sometimes you let the leg hairs grow. You know what I mean? And they're like, Valentine's Day, I've shaved everything.

That's nice. You appreciate it? Yeah, I appreciate that. I noticed that. Yeah, some f***ing bushy f***ing pit. Yeah.

I'm like, oh, you shaved it. That's nice. And you smell nice. Those things matter. Like effort. Next question.

Okay, here we go. I found out I got a girl pregnant and it turned out to be my ex-wife's cousin all on Valentine's Day. What does he do? What does this guy do? I don't understand what I'm... What do you mean?

You've got a girl pregnant who was his ex-wife's cousin? Yeah. Yeah. All on Valentine's Day. Oh, he was ex-wife's cousin. First cousin? Yeah. I feel like that cousin should know what they were they knew what they

were doing right it's too close for comfort for me right yeah like if i started dating like a cousin of yours oh that cousin would die same not die but it would be like it would be bad yeah like i think the cousin was coming for for him i think so i don't care how hard my cousin goes for her she's not gonna going to do it. I know that for a fact. Yeah, like if you were to so much as like talk to anyone in my inner or outer or third

concentric circle, I would have both of your necks. Just saying. Just saying. In the same way that you would kill your cousin. Just because it's like, that's disrespectful. There's a whole big world out there. Find in the same way that you would kill your cousin just because it's like that's disrespectful like there's a whole big world out there like find find it outside of like my associations you know what i mean okay you know what i mean i do thank you next one okay can i say something yeah i'm

really sick of like a lot of the big male podcasters kind of like giving you shit about doing a podcast with kalilah just because she's your ex and i don't understand why people are obsessed with like thinking that that's something bad that you're doing do you i want to know like when they're saying that to you because i know you when you're in the pressure zone and someone's like there's no pressure zone no what what is your opinion of when they do that well their opinion it doesn't affect my decisions on anything yeah I don't give a shit okay um I could say some things about them as well yeah that I you know but for me it's like I do what I want to do yeah you know I mean and it's a good podcast not just that um she's my best friend in

the whole world I, there's probably only like two or three people in the world I trust like with my life. And she's one of them. I trust her with every aspect of my life. And that's never going to change. And, you know, I'm sorry. Like, I know comics that are like, how can you even be friends with your ex? You know, I go, well, that's you. Your relationship with whoever you're with, you viewed it only as a sexual relationship contract. When I'm in a relationship, it's not about that. It has to be a part of it, but it's like,

no, do I love this person? Are we friends? Do I trust? I mean, you know what I mean? Like the things that we were talking about, the things that we share in this and that, and over time, that's why I'm in a relationship it's not about the sex

also like people forget that he is extremely close with Sarah Highland who he dated before me I know my other one before Sarah after Sarah sorry she was like hey I want to come to the store

I mean set up this whole thing where her and her husband and her friends got to have a good night I love her I love all you know and if Jasmine

my other girlfriend way back in the day called me and asked for a favor I would do it it's kind of one of the reasons why I respected him more cause

he was on good terms with his exes on good terms with his exes I never cheated ones but he respected them as people he didn't view them as just like he said like simply sexual things like he built friendships with these people that's why okay like i know this word gets used a lot and people get upset about it but like it does feel to me when i see that because i watch all the podcasts and

stuff like i'm a fan too it does feel like this like misogynistic point of view that like if a woman is, if you're done with her, how could you still be talking to her? Like, I think it's because this idea that somehow like I'm still reaping the benefits or, you know, like all of that stuff where it's like, dude, she's, you know, still, she's your ex, like cut her off as if like, I'm somehow going to be destitute. But then I see your close friends, Instagram stories. And it's like Bobby at your family parties, like running around with his shirt off dancing with your relatives. So I've never even met. And so I'm like, people don't see the full picture. And I don't know, it just bothers bothers me I don't give a what people think about

me in that way yeah I mean why would I give a all right I mean I'm gonna throw some names out Fihim Anwar and Harlan Williams I was gonna fist fight with those guys at the comedy star because they were like going how could you do a podcast with somebody that was your ex and I go you guys dude first of all that's weird that once you a podcast with somebody that was your ex? And I go, you guys, dude, first of all, that's weird that once you break up with somebody, you never see them again. Then what was the relationship about, son? I mean, sometimes it's warranted

if it's like an abusive one, like you need to get the f**k out and never talk to me. Because I have exes for sure that like I would literally light on fire. Sure, sure, sure. In those kinds of things. But if you had a healthy relationship with another human being and, you know, it's just you guys drifted apart emotionally and you don't see them ever again, then I think the relationship was contractual. I think it might just be people also just projecting like how they feel about their ex onto you.

Yeah, like why would why do they care why is it such an obsession is it because it comes from the fact that they think they're somehow like giving him good brotherly advice protecting him from me like the do you know what i mean honestly i don't hear it it could also be like a generic talking point honestly yeah i honestly don't hear it anyway. Yeah. I've read some things online commenting on it, but it's like I don't care. I do want to say thank you for doing this show.

Can I tell you my new fear right now? Yeah. It's an insane fear. Okay. So I'm doing a show with Bert and Tom in Vegas. I'm not advertised. Okay. This is going gonna sound crazy

my fear is and we have a guest you know guy Bobby Lee and people are gonna go boo that is

that's my fear it's like you are so obviously the best case scenario for that no but I think so too and they think so but like

sometimes I feel like are they gonna boo yeah but if I knew he was gonna be on it I wouldn't have bought a ticket okay No, but I think so too and they think so. But like sometimes I feel like, are they going to boo? Yeah, but… If I knew he was going to be on it, I wouldn't have bought a ticket. Okay, like if it was some like youth pastor and it was like some church, like some… You know what I mean? What's a big church that Justin Bieber and all of them go to? Oh, okay.

Mosaic? Not mosaic. But let's suppose they bring you out. Yeah, I could understand the boo, but like your audience crosses over almost like 95%. I don't think 90%. Why on earth would they boo? 80%.

Why does your mind go there? I don't know. Do you think that? Yeah, of course. The web is yours. I don't know. Esther, now we should go to Vegas and boo him. Or sometimes I'll throw tomatoes.

Have you ever done this? Like when we did Human Heart. So Esther and I did Mothership. Yeah. It was so fun. It was so fun. The shows were so good. The crowds were so good.

So good. But one of the shows I went up on stage and there was like a guy to my left. I know his face. Beard, kind of chunky. And he was just like, no expression. Why does the human mind focus on that one f***? Why does I do that?

I'm killing, but I'm looking at one guy going, he's going to hit me. But I think that's normal to always look out for things that might hurt you versus look out for things that are safe. Because you have to, your body has to like physically defend itself from harm. So like if that is going to emotionally hurt you. Yeah, that is a danger a danger you also nailed it by saying why does the human mind you didn't say why do i it's like it is the human mind no i know a lot of people do that oh my god a hundred percent yeah i would say like you could i could write like i could read 90 really sweet messages and all it takes is one for me to be like, I'm my day. And I just want to be like

Dane Cook and just be like, you know what I mean? Not him, but like I, for once I want to be like, I'm the gray, I'm the best. Like delusional, narcissistic. I don't want you to be that way. Don't you want that one day? Like I'm the opposite. I'm like, why do they want me? You know what I mean? But I want to one day just walk out of my house going, yeah. I'm like, you know what I mean? Why do they want me? You know what I mean? But I want to one day just walk out of my house going, yeah. I think you have those days. I do sometimes.

Anyway, thanks for having me on. I got to have a cigarette before I do this pitch thing. Thank you for being in my movie. Thank you for being funny in it and being my co-star. We wrote the part for you

10 years ago. So thank you for... You know, the joy is all mine. And I'll tell you, I've worked with you before in other acting things. Yeah, we worked on Love Together. Love thank you for. You know, the joy is all mine. And I'll tell you, I've worked with you before in other acting things. Yeah, we worked on,

we're on Love Together. Love on, and your show. Oh, you did Alone Together. I did your show. You were such a favorite episode. Anyway, God bless you

and thanks for having me. Bye guys.