Trash Tuesday w/ Esther Povitsky & Khalyla Kuhn - All Esther's Exes Live in Texas

Episode Date: August 16, 2022

Thank you to our Sponsors: Liquid I.V. - Get 15% off when you go to https://www.liquid-iv.com and use code TRASHTUESDAY at checkoutHelloFresh - Go to https://hellofresh.com/trashtuesday16 and use code trashtuesday16 for 16 free meals across 7 boxes AND 3 free gifts! Subscribe! https://bit.ly/HitOurButtonsOfficial Clips Channel: https://bit.ly/2QDAi8XTrash Tuesday Podcast iTunes Audio Feed: https://bit.ly/TrashTuesdayPodTrash Tuesday Podcast Spotify Audio Feed: https://bit.ly/TTPodAudioTrash Tuesday Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/itstrashtuesday 0:00 Implants7:51 Annie’s J Lo Starbucks Cup11:08 Carlos’ Replacement 17:47 Woodstock 199924:34 Gifts From a Fan26:25 Annie’s Party With Esther’s Ex Tony Hinchcliffe in a Texas Mansion34:02 Fan Submissions for Carlos’ Replacement40:35 Anthony Jeselnik Reacts to Trash Tuesday Clip About His Comments on Norm Macdonald45:04 Pete Davidson in Trauma Therapy Due to Kanye West Online Harassment47:33 Doing Something for Your Partner When It’s Inconvenient 49:40 Dane Cook Engagement & Khalyla’s Parents’ Big Age Difference55:00 Esther’s Resentment Towards Creepy Male Comics 1:04:24 Hairy Moles1:06:29 Annie Adopts Esther the Killer Orphan1:10:32 Annie’s Present for Khalyla & Spiritual Card Readings1:16:02 Legends of the Fall Brad Pitt is Khalyla’s New Guy Listen to our other Podcasts: TigerBelly - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/tigerbelly/id1041201977 Meanspiration - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/meanspiration-with-annie-lederman/id1475056491 Esther Club - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/esther-club-with-esther-povitsky/id1494518220 Follow Us: Khalyla Kuhn - https://www.instagram.com/khalamityk Annie Lederman - https://www.instagram.com/annielederman Esther Povitsky - https://www.instagram.com/esthermonster Produced by: George Kimmel & Bryce Hallock - 7EQUIS Podcast Producers: Pete Forthun & Carlos Herrera Editor: Andres Rosende

After years of fine print contracts and getting ripped off by overpriced wireless providers, if we've learned anything, it's that there's always a catch. So when I heard that for a limited time all Mint Mobile wireless plans are $15 a month when you purchase a three-month plan, I thought, where's the catch? But after talking to them, it all made sense. There isn't one. Mint Mobile's secret sauce is that they sell wireless services online. They don't have retail stores or salespeople. Instead, they deliver premium phone plans directly to you. As you guys know, our friend Rick Glassman, he uses Mint Mobile. I learned about Mint Mobile through George Kimmel.

George is a busy guy. He takes the most business calls. And the fact that not a single call is ever dropped. And you can use your own phone with any Mint Mobile plan and bring your phone number along with all of your existing contacts. Say goodbye to your overpriced wireless plans. Mint Mobile is here to rescue you with plans starting at $15 a month. And all plans come with high-speed data and unlimited talk and text delivered on the nation's largest 5G network. That is such a steal. To get this new customer

offer and your new three-month unlimited wireless plan for just $15 a month, go to mintmobile.com slash Tuesday. That's mintmobile.com slash Tuesday. Cut your wireless bill to $15 a month at mintmobile.com slash Tuesday. $45 upfront payment required equivalent to $15 a month. New customers on first three-month plan only. Speed slower above 40 gigabytes. On unlimited plan, additional taxes, fees, and restrictions apply statement mobile for details you guys making hydration a priority can help all of us feel healthier in our everyday lives grab your liquid iv in bulk nationwide at costco or you can get 15 off when you go to liquidiv.com and use code trash tuesday at checkout and you're going to need that discount when you put it inside your very expensive swarovski cup that's 15 off anything you order when you put it inside your very expensive Swarovski cup. That's 15% off anything you order when you shop better hydration today using promo code TRASHTUESDAY at liquidiv.com. Well, hello, Fresh. Hello, Fresh's quick and easy recipes, 20-minute meals,

and low prep, low cleanup options provide an even faster route to putting food on the table around your packed schedule. That's hellofresh.com slash trash Tuesday 16 and use code trash Tuesday 16. That's trash Tuesday 16 for 16 free meals across seven boxes and three free gifts. HelloFresh, America's number one meal kit. I am so excited to be back on the road. It is my pride and joy. I love meeting you guys. excited to be back on the road. It is my pride and joy. I love meeting you guys. Come out and party. It is so fun. I will be at the Pittsburgh Improv in Pennsylvania, September 9 through 10. So you know, I'll be flying on the 11th. So this is huge. Tempe Improv, September 22 to 24,

La Jolla Comedy Club, September 16 through 18. I'm going to be one night at the Coluso Casino in California, you guys. It's going to be so fun. You want to see Annie in a casino. There is no better place to see me. I'm in my happy place. Please come buy merch. All merch money will be donated to gambling. Kansas City, Missouri, October 7th through 8th. Irvine, California, October 20th, San Jose, November 11th through 12th. Go to AnnieLetterman.com slash shows. You can also see me this Monday and every Monday at 5 p.m. PST, 8 p.m. Eastern for my audio show on Spotify Live.

Don't bore me. Get all of your best stories ready to impress me or you're going to get the boot. And we are very hard and it's very fun. And then my solo podcast, Annie Wood, will be coming out very, very soon. So please follow my YouTube, Annie Letterman, for all the updates. Thanks, guys. Hi, slugs. I'm really excited to announce that I'm starting a new solo podcast available on Amazon Amp starting Monday, starting a new solo podcast available on Amazon amp starting Monday, August 22. And you can find all the information about that I think on my social media, but get ready. It's coming soon. Can't wait. Why are people getting fucking she had to go through two surgeries to get these

titties taken out. I take it's just you just remove socks so can i actually tell you something very traumatic i saw about fake titties that i think i told carlos this and like we want you to keep getting them though it's so this doctor it was on tiktok sorry he pulled out the implants the encapsulations and they're crunchy can you tell people they were it was covered in like a chalk like substance and they he banged them and they were hard and crunchy and he said that the girl developed calcium it's like around them well that's what your body normally does anytime a foreign body is introduced to it it forms a barrier to kind of separate itself from that foreign body and that's called an encapsulation and is that the same as like scar tissue similar but like let's say for

instance like my left breast was hard as a rock after eight months so was i so you had this yeah i had an encapsulation worse yet is when they explanted my implants she said that there was like a black liquid that they couldn't identify, that it was almost like, it looked like volcanic ash. Well, that it was. Oh my God, you're so Hawaiian. We get it. Yeah, dude, we get it. But this is, I'm guessing mine looked even worse than some of the encapsulations I've seen on tiktok i have a hot take i actually am happier to see that because it looks more human than before they get all fucked up that isn't even what scared me what scared me why do they turn into like a jade crystal down there when you see a white crust i don't like i feel like a picture a white grass bothers you if it's

not on the side of your mouth imagine looking at you talk for an hour and a half. Imagine. Oh, my God. It's like I'm so scared. I will never get implants. You were thinking about it? I mean, everyone's always like in the bathroom. Listen, I love tit jobs.

I love them. I don't want to discourage people from getting them. No. I think it's like so generous. Thank you so much for doing that for us. But I just never want to do it. But when I see Whitney's, I'm like, I am so happy. That she did it. That for doing that for us but i just never want to do it but i do when i see whitney's i'm like i am so happy that she did it they're here for us yeah but it doesn't so it

doesn't happen to everyone right hers is best case scenario also best case scenario is you have a lot of money to constantly replace and repay for a surgery to fix an encapsulation because that's more money going to surgery so much dude i was on a dive trip and one of my friends that i've been friends with since i was 17 and i realized i'm like but he'll be like dude you're single you need to get your tits back like saying shit like that and i'm just like tits back i need to get like my implants back he's like you can't be walking around like this what are you gonna do what going to do? And he opens up a fucking energy drink. What the fuck are you going to do?

Boob jobs are like the energy drink of tits. They kind of are like the monster. It's like he was doing what he was supposed to do. Right, right. He fit the bill. Didn't you all get a little horny, though, when she said it? Just get one. Let's test it out.

Let's see the side kalilah and then regular side kalilah who gets more dick which part of me do you want to fuck which side you have to just walk sideways into every date wait but so when you had those in did you feel them they were hard yeah were you like did you know what it was yeah i knew what they were i knew it was an encapsulation i also felt i know you're in a. I felt claustrophobic in my own body. When I first took my implants out, I could not stop touching my soft boobs. Were you happy? I was so happy and so relieved.

And I just, I was so happy that they were soft and bouncy. Do you feel like skin pulling feeling when you have them? Yeah, they were tight. Like imagine when you're laying down, just this mound just still sitting high and tight above your chest. Oh, you really hit yourself. I heard that. I like cropped. It's all bone.

It's all bone. It didn't used to feel that way. It was very bouncy. But if it's for you, if it's for you and some people react really well to implants, I was not one of them. I react great to them if they're not in me. I'm always like hubba, hubba, hubba. Same girl. I identify. they don't look real ever like i never i'm not really fooled ever but i sometimes i've i've grown accustomed to the shape and i think it's la living here it's really just whitney

honestly yeah whitney it's really whitney yeah she's hot i'm curious to know how many times until she got it perfect the way she wanted. I feel like she wrote in her book that she had two surgeries, right? Like one like botched one and then one fancy one. I have to be careful what I write in my book. She's actually going to read it. Esther's the only one reading people's books. It's true.

Do you know how many like personally signed books I have that I'm just like, I read the forward. I go, oh, thank you. like personally signed books i have that i'm just like i read the forward i go oh thank you whitney's face and that before is one of the scariest things it's just an she's making an embarrassing face yeah she's being crazy there's no change it's just in one she's embarrassing and in the other she's cool is that the same dress it did look the same but it's different oh same bra maybe the same like sloppy bra dress over it that's a clever way to fool us okay to not let the hahas fall out

guys do you see anything new the cup is it's giving tricia peters in the best way i well it's jlo but tricia i love you too um this is i watched the j-lo documentary and she carried this around the entire time the only thing i took from the documentary was get this cup so i tracked down the bitch that made her cup and i had to make me yeah i had her make me an a-led you know and i paid extra to get it expedited they're all swarovski crystals they're all they're not. They are. Everyone's so mad at me when I tell them. How much was it?

The only person that liked how much it cost and got excited was Lisa Trager last night. Of course. She is the same type of celebrity trash bitch that I am. But like, I'm like growing into it. I have a little bit of that in me. Wait, how much was it? All right, fans, get ready to be pissed at me. I don't give a fuck, all right?

I do what I want with my money. Wait, we should guess. We should guess. Okay, this is so exciting. I want how should guess okay i want to count this is good because maybe i'll over guess and then it won't be that bad swarovski crystals even the black ones fucking better be carlos put them in your teeth and make sure i want to say okay i want to say eleven hundred dollars okay i want to say i really hope what i i'm gonna give the price i hope it was i hope it was 600 if people are mad

1200 1200 600 600 dollars folks what 600 dollars you have to understand it is a plastic tumbler from starbucks

that's awesome I just wanted I said I want it exactly like JLo's except for it to say A-Led it kind of says Al Ed

but it's okay we'll take it we'll take it bitch we'll take it and I paid 50 bucks to get it expedited and I gave her 10 extra dollars

to let her know it's Al Bundy and Ed Bundy and Ed Bundy and Ed what's his last name oh Ted Bundy oops no no no

his name is Ed the actor the actor Ed O'Neill Ed O'Neill it's an Ed O'Neill shrine it is

look at this because you are like him kind of I would much rather be likened to him than J-Lo but I am trying to kind of get

I call it my diva cup I fill it with period no no no I well I'm trying to kind of get it. I call it my diva cup. I fill it with period. No, no, no. Well, I'm trying to like become the level of diva I want to become. So I'm just, I'm watching all these documentaries. I'm taking what I can from each of them.

Gaga, I already had so much in common with. Let's be real. The thong strap hanging out. I've been doing it since I was 14 years old. I know, I know. And for me, all of her body pain, I'm basically her. Fibromyalgia. Cluster headaches. Cluster headaches cluster headaches i felt the same way the way she was like you guys think i'm being difficult but if i put my arm in and there's a little thing off i'm not i was like yes gaga

there's one thing that i took from her documentary which is if i ever had to splurge on something for the rest of my life it would be the daily massages that she was getting yes always someone just manipulating her jaw. Yes. Doing this. You're single now. I'm sure you can get that pretty easy. I don't think that one's gonna be hard. I'm sure Carlos will volunteer.

Jesus. Um, but... Did you know Carlos just got the monkeypox vaccine? It was to be safe, Annie. It was declared a national emergency carlos 6 000 people got it i i wore short shorts you know what i think time i think it's time now we had a crazy episode last week and we asked for replacements for carlos and i want to tell you i actually did find a replacement for him i'll be be right back. Everybody close your eyes.

Okay. Really? Okay. Wait, including me? As they open her mouth. Everyone's closed with sunken eyes. They're closed. All right, everybody keep them closed.

Mouth open. Mouth open, obviously. My eyes are still closed and I'm- It's it it's hurting my neck all right and you can open oh my god i thought that was someone with okay oh my god i'm matching yeezys with the replacement. They've got Yeezys, Carlos' outfit, his bald-ass head, and the same amount he gave as input last time on the episode. I gotta say, this is amazing. It's not real. It's not really me.

But it is really him, Donna. It kind of is you. It's like a yarmulke, a flesh-colored yarmulke. It's a Friar Tuck wig. Okay. From the Halloween episode. Amazing. Wow. Can you borrow that wig actually? Hold on.

Wait, let me, Carlos, do you want to sit by me? No, no, no, it's okay. No, I'm not talking to you. Carlos has been replaced. This person will be better at reading the articles. No, I studied today. Oh. Annie, did you blow this up i did on the way in i was like are they gonna see me outside a car blowing up a doll i pulled over on the it's like the horniest man ever you had to pull over blow up the doll to fuck it but it was i would have gotten todd to do it obviously this is such a todd job

but he was that what you instead of odd jobs, you call them Todd jobs? Odd jobs, yes, yes. It's anything at all that I don't want to do. Carlos, how did you feel after the monkeypox vaccine? And how did you get in the front of the line? Were you wearing like a mesh shirt? I wore short shorts and a tight t-shirt. Did you wear your banana strap on?

No, the one you got mad at me for having. I'm not mad at you for having it. No, I wore my Aviator Nation shorts. Just why weren't you helping me banana strap on? No, the one you got mad at me for having. I'm not mad at you for having it. No, I wore my Aviator Nation shorts. Just why weren't you helping me with my segment? We don't have to go over live show stuff right now. You did it. See how he brings it up and then it's me? Did you have symptoms or side effects?

I actually did have symptoms the next day. Side effects. But did you find out it was just like the guy's jizz like crusted up you don't get fucked for monkey pox vaccine it's not like a no i thought that's why you went in after he fucked you and then you're like oh it was all gay guys it was yeah and it was like gay guys karens and me it was like overly like there were no karens there was a couple It was like overly like... There were no Karens. You're so full of shit. There was a couple Studio City Karens.

You are totally making up some shit to try to make yourself a little... Carlos is trying to come off as a Karen. He's like, no, I was the Karen. Oh my God, you should do comb over Karen. Comb it over and become a Karen. Yes. I could do the comb over. Carlos, there's things we can do with your fucking hair.

It's like, just have fun. I'm doing them. Well, I mean. Pigtails? No, going blonde. What do you think about that, Kalilah? Are you going to dye? She paused.

Only if you bleach the top ones as well, the wispy ones. Oh. Why is that everyone's excited focus? Because we don't want to see them. Okay, fine. I'll wear a hat for you. That's the thing he's offending us with. The best part about your head is not the...

I know you're trolling us. I'm not fucking... I know you're a fucking wild card, Carlos, okay? You're a troll wild card. I know, and I watched last week's episode, and I think... You might have overreacted? Yes. Really?

They didn't even see what was cut out. It was quite wild. But I think re-watching it was weird to me so i was like oh reality is so different from the drug-induced state i'm always in yeah oh you're a you're a you're not like you're not like i'm not diagnosing you the other day i don't think you're like bipolar or anything you just are a wild card i'd like to also add um that i'm i don't necessarily love the hair that's healthy on the sides i like the wispy dying ones up top you should pull out these ones and make them all

wispy i feel like everyone's trying to confuse you like on purpose yeah it's esther he's the confusing one do you remember last week esther was like this for 15 minutes i thought he was doing a bit because he was mad but smiling which is so psycho. And the bag was unzipped. When the bag was unzipped

was there anything funnier than storming out with an unzipped bag? It's like the most embarrassing part of all of that. Just filled with like Prada and expensive things. And you calling it out.

You're a nerd. Your bag's unzipped. It was. Do you know how many times I've been the nerd walking away upset with the unzipped bag? do you know how many times i've been the nerd walking away upset with the unzipped do you know how many times i've been the bully unzipping the bag as you walk off have you guys ever done like um flip mode squad where people like if you weren't paying attention

in high school they would flip your entire backpack put all of the stuff back in so when the bell rang you would have a reverse backpack with no straps and basically you would have to carry your backpack to the next class who did that to you a teacher no kids did that all the time no they did they flipped something but it wasn't it was her body no one esther i feel like you would have been pranked in that way no i i would turn you inside out i would fuck you up somehow but you wouldn't the thing is esther takes like she doesn't like physical pranks she likes verbal assault so you don't want to do it you don't esther mad is never the goal you want esther like screaming and running out of a room

but not mad she has to be like mad is like serious a little mad everyone has to go home why would you do this is like a funny thing no it's like yeah it's like burn it to the ground when you're really mad yeah it's like are we all done yeah we all do like a handshake like this was fun guys we'll never see each other esther's gonna we're gonna be court ordered to stay away from esther for a while yeah but no no one ever unzipped my bag like that that's interesting oh well see turns out i was the bullied one poor little immigrant did it to others i feel like you're a little immigrant no i mean like that's it was everybody got got by that they call themselves the flip mode squad

they had a name oh my god but it was a term that was an actual like r&b group or something you were in high school in the late 90s early 2000s you had a little tiny backpack bitch they put it inside out there's like a tampon and a lip gloss in it i'm not buying it did you guys know what happened if did you guys know about woodstock 99 i did i watched it i watched i haven't watched it yet but it reminded me of something i didn't know that that happened did people die i think you were too young esther you didn't get that that happened. People died? Did people die? I think you were too young, Esther. You didn't get far enough in it. They didn't ever say in the documentary if people died or not.

I didn't finish all of the episodes, but I know that. There's only three. I finished it. People died. I got to the part where Limp Bizkit came on. And then she tapped out. And Fred Durst was like, whatever you're feeling inside your body, now's the time to get it out. And yeah. We would all have been like, whatever you're feeling inside your body, now's the time to get it out. And yeah.

We would all have been like, ah. Yeah. But it was interesting because I was into all of those bands when I was like Korn, obviously, Jonathan Davis, Red Hot Chili Peppers, what finished off the third day, Limp Bizkit. You know who's in this, who is performing is Rich Voss, Bonnie's husband. Really? He's like doing stand-up in the documentary I haven't seen it yet

but you know who saw it who I saw last night at the comedy store a Trash Tuesday favorite and personal favorite of mine Sosie Bacon yeah I love Sosie was at the comedy store

last night with her boyfriend Scoot have we met Scoot Scoot is the best they're so cute we took no less than 500 selfies trying to get a good selfie.

It's comical. I like want to post a slide of how many. Like there was one where I had like a puffy pussy in one. She looked like Jim Carrey in one. It was like crazy. Was she? Is her foot still broken? No, she was healthy walking around.

This guy's awesome. Yeah, I love Scoots and everything. Yeah, he's the best. Yeah. But it was great. And then she sent me a picture I got this morning that was like him asleep, like outside. And she's like, oh, look, he fell asleep pretending to listen to me. She like has a tot.

She's like, isn't he sweet? Scoot was, even before I knew Sosie, he was in this show that was so underrated on Netflix called Godless. Yeah, he's really been in kind of everything. And he is incredible in that. called godless yeah he's really been in kind of and he is incredible in that you guys it is so hot in la right now that i'm actually sweating unbearably hot and i feel weak don't you feel like this is carlos's fault though that there's no air on shouldn't you have been fanning us yes like if the if the air conditioner sound issue that's

what i'm saying shouldn't you be fanning us? Okay, okay. We got you fans. Now you need to fan us. This is really the time of my life when it's so hot in LA where I have to prioritize hydration or it will ruin- All of our days. Everyone around me. Because we will have to hear the shit. But also effective hydration.

Not just like, sometimes it's like, yes, water is necessary, but what about when your electrolytes are depleted? You need that for proper heart function all of the above so for me anytime i'm on that bike anything at all that makes me sweat even a little bit i add a little packet of liquid iv and i put it in 16 ounces of water and i feel so much better and it it tastes so good. They have the best flavors. It's so delicious. The guava flavor, I cannot get over. You guys, liquid IV in 16 ounces of water hydrates you two times faster and more efficiently than water alone.

And it contains five essential vitamins, B3, B5, B6, B12, and vitamin C with three times the electrolytes of traditional sports drinks made with premium ingredients, non-GMO, free from gluten, dairy, and soy. Did you say vitamin C like that because you're like, see, because your face is round like an orange?

Well, I wasn't thinking that necessarily. I was thinking more like vitamin C keeps us healthy and our immunity strong. And you're the healthy one? But for every purchase, they donate a serving to someone in need and to date liquid iv has donated over 24 million servings globally honestly i love how hydrated it makes me feel it keeps me on top of my hydration most importantly i really need to try tropical punch and you're usually a bottom so that's huge for you it's really big grab your liquid iv in bulk nationwide at Costco,

or you can get 15% off when you go to liquidiv.com and use code TRASHTUESDAY at checkout. That is 15% off anything you order when you shop better hydration today using promo code TRASHTUESDAY at liquidiv.com. You guys, we need to talk about HelloFresh because HelloFresh fresh they have quick and easy recipes that are 20 minute meals yeah goodbye wasting your time cooking todd goodbye cleaning crazy cleanup no but they're literally specifically low prep and low cleanup options and

they provide an even faster route to putting food on the table around your pack schedule. You guys, knowing that I'm hungry and within 20 minutes I'm going to be eating, now that feels good. Especially after a busy day. I just don't have the bandwidth to sit there and think that I even have any energy for a thing that might take an hour and a half to prepare. No, also it's like I need Todd for other things. I can't have him spending an hour and a half cooking. It's like... And it becomes meditative also because you follow the instructions. They're simple.

It's all laid out for you. You don't have to... What? Esther's dream come true. Just the instructions are so few for you to be like, it's meditative. It's so funny.

And also HelloFresh is 72% cheaper than dining at a restaurant and it's even cheaper than grocery shopping. That's money back in your pocket. Can I also just say this? It's like I was thinking I've been really looking at my time and how I waste my time. And so much of wasting my time is thinking about what I'm going to eat, planning what I'm going to eat, where I'm going, just all this time and energy. It's like sometimes it's just good to have someone else take over. And these are like delicious.

So it's a good way to go. With HelloFresh, you get farm fresh, pre-portioned ingredients and seasonal recipes delivered right to your doorstep. Skip trips to the grocery store and count on HelloFresh to make home cooking easy, fun and affordable. That's why it's America's number one meal kit. Go to HelloFresh.com slash Trash Tuesday 16. That's Trash Tuesday 1-6. And use code Trash Tuesday 16 for 16 free meals across 7 boxes and 3 free gifts. That's Hellofresh.com slash Trash Tuesday 16.

And use code Trash Tuesday 16 for 16 free meals across 7 boxes and 3 free gifts. Hellofresh, America's number one meal kit. seven boxes, and three free gifts. HelloFresh America's number one meal kit. After years of fine print contracts and getting ripped off by overpriced wireless providers, if we've learned anything, it's that there's always a catch. So when I heard that for a limited time, all Mint Mobile wireless plans are $15 a month when you purchase a three-month plan, I thought, where's the catch? But after talking to them, it all made sense. There isn't one. Mint Mobile's secret sauce is that they sell wireless services online. They don't have retail stores or salespeople. Instead, they deliver premium phone plans directly to you. As you guys know, our

friend Rick Glassman, he uses Mint Mobile. I learned about Mint Mobile through George Kimmel. George is a busy guy. He takes the most business calls. And the fact that not a single call is ever dropped. And you can use your own phone with any Mint Mobile plan and bring your phone number along with all of your existing contacts. Say goodbye to your overpriced wireless plans. Mint Mobile is here to rescue you with plans starting at $15 a month. And all plans come with high-speed data and unlimited talk and text delivered on the nation's largest 5G network.

That is such a steal. To get this new customer offer and your new three-month unlimited wireless plan for just 15 bucks a month go to mintmobile.com slash tuesday that's mintmobile.com slash tuesday cut your wireless bill to 15 bucks a month at mintmobile.com slash tuesday 45 up front payment required equivalent to 15 a month new customers on first three-month plan only speed slower above 40 gigabytes on unlimited plan additional taxes fees and restrictions apply statement mobile for details do you guys did you guys know what happened at woodstock 99 like before the documentary it's three people who died there by the way three it. Only three. From the fires or from being mosh pitted out?

Do you think each of them? Mosh pitted in one was like a previous cardiac issue. Do you think they each identified as a different one of us? Maybe. Like an Esther died, an Annie died, and a Lila died? If I would have died, it would have been from like a bad trip and then stabbing my own heart 90 times from like acid. Guys.

Wait, that's so beautiful. Can I? I have some gifts from the fans that are pretty amazing okay uh so i went to austin texas what if you just punched me in the face a message has been sent from several people they said knock this bitch's teeth out we would we don't want to see that that tongue out more um okay so oh my god is it one of the bracelets this is from okay so this is from big Titted Amy. Sorry, Amy, I don't remember your last name. She's an open mic-er.

Sorry, comic. I don't know what level you're at. You did wait in the meet and greet line. It screams open mic-er. But Huge Titted Amy, I've never seen bigger tits in my life. She made these for us. Bigger than Chelsea Lynn. I just want to say that I have waited in several meet and greet lines in my life.

I just want to come forward. And do you not give off desperate open micro vibes? Amy, we love you. I'm just kidding. She made this for you, Kalilah. It says... It says molested. Molested.

You know, I was like moles Ted. Yeah. Moles Ted. You know, I knew it. Okay, and this was for you, Esther. This was the original one for you. What does mine say? Skullfoot!

And then mine says molested, but... No, no, no. She didn't think that was good enough. She goes, I didn't want to be rude, so I didn't make this one. And I go, make it. So she came back. She came back with another one. For me?

Yeah. Oh, my God. This one's good. She gets us. Miscarriage! oh my god this one's good she gets us miscarriage amy you killed it i'm sorry i don't know your name but amy with the big tits in austin she's on kiltonia i'm so lucky thank you now um oh my god skull fucked in miscarriage literally i'm so happy i'm gonna just say the term new comic new comic that's a good one yeah yeah yeah okay but she was great and um we all partied at so

tony hinchcliffe was was house sitting for this billionaire love it wait who was tony hinchcliffe okay okay it was this beautiful i mean maybe a millionaire because there were only like four rooms wait is that a gig that you can sign up for like how does this happen can I just tell you how weird this was if you're Tony it just happens I think

can I tell you how weird this was he took me on a on a on a tour of the house and upstairs there's a room

with a a painting of Tony in it a painting of Tony are we sure he's just house sitting yes I'm gonna say millionaire but multi

millionaire and and but as the joker i'm like this is weird but people tony is like they're people are obsessed with him he's the angel he's never he's never gonna leave texas anyway so um so so i get there and tony has a new do you have the video? Okay, so Tony has a new 2021 Corvette. No, Corvette. Okay, it's yellow. We can all see all your text. So this is me and Todd showing up at his mansion in a newer, better Corvette that I rented. Look at Red his face is.

What do you think, Tony? This is absolutely incredible. He's so mad. Oh my God. We blocked in his Corvette. Oh my God, Annie. Oh my God, you truly upset him. I think he handled it the best that Tony could.

Wait, that's his Corvette in the back? the yellow one that's so funny oh my god he's upset so later no we ended up having so much fun so later tony has a oh my god donut threw up it's bigger than her entire body by the way you're overfeeding this dog carlos what do we do oh my god you are so unbelievable is she okay oh carlos what do we do you're obviously cleaning, you are so unbelievable. Is she okay? Carlos, what do we do? You're obviously cleaning it up, right? Carlos, you're not doing the part we wanted you to do. Carlos, you need to help.

I'm helping with donuts. Nobody. He starts beating her out. Why are you kissing her so romantically? Is she okay? She's fine. She ate something weird. Oh, poor baby.

Oh my God. Esther's like, oh, she put one foot down. Oh, poor baby. I got it. Oh, my God. Esther's like, oh. She put one foot down. So there's no pressure on the foot. There's no pressure on the foot. It's hovering. Oh. You're fucked up.

You know what I call you? I don't know if I've told you this. I call you a lovable potato. That's how I describe you. She's like this lovable potato. She just rolls around. You got to push her. it's just i'm it's more just because that's what dave would do she could be overexcited too okay she liked my prank

on tony she's not into corvettes honestly squatting down that low to get into a car is more humiliating than your dog vomiting in front of you squatting down that low did you like how long did you keep it did you go on joy we had like yeah we had like three three days was it crazy like was it exciting did you feel fancy you go like it's too it actually is like too flashy you're like oh you're like driving around this small ass town like is it um speed more speed than comfort well my tesla goes so fast that i don't oh that's it wasn't i wasn't as i didn't drive it. I just had Ty drive it. I was like, I paid for it. So I was like, I don't want to have to pay the insurance when I fucking crash it. But yeah, we had fun.

It was fun. It was a convertible. So we had some fun in it. But later. So Tony has this. I don't know what you call him. Like, I don't know if he's like his assistant. He's got this right hand man, this guy Yoni, who is like, everybody needs a fucking Yoni.

I know you love that name. Tony has a right hand man named Yoni. Tony and Yoni. Yoni? Okay. I know you love that name. Tony has a right-hand man named Yoni. Tony and Yoni. Yoni? Okay, I show up to this house. This is how bad Tony is crushing it there and how bad he wants to get. There was a carpet rolled out for me.

I think that's just how it happens, but it felt like a specific red carpet rolled out for me. We show up to this mansion, okay? There's an infinity pool looking off into the river. It's, he had the girl with the big tits there, which was very fun to see, to look at them float around. And it was, it was incredible, right? It was already, like, this beautiful, amazing place.

Did you guys get to stay there? Drugs. No, we stayed with our friends that and they they're like the best like you feel better like they would treat you better than your parents in your basement like it's like my friend kerry mitchell and and brett erickson we stayed with who they're the ones we go to like the desert party with they're like in the stanhope world and but anyway so they we stayed with them but we we went over to tony's to party after shows and stuff and it was so fun and then in the kitchen was six hundred dollars worth of king crab legs that yoni after shows

cooked up for us there was also a spread of fajitas but did she know that you like crab yoni's a boy did he know that you like this i like... I think this is just how Tony lives, but it felt tailored to me. Wait, so Tony has a person... He has a person that we could all dream of. Carlos could never do what Yoni does. And he would never do it. I mean, it's not an insult to you.

Yeah. But Esther's trying to make you into a Yoni and it's never going to happen. This is Esther. You're going to cream when you hear this. Tony, I would watch Tony like eating something and he would get a little dribble. A napkin would be handed to him. Okay.

Yoni is not just a, but listen, you might think it's psychotic. Yoni cooked up this stuff. He made a special butter sauce. It was like a gourmet meal. Okay. Yoni is a videographer he is filming all the sets all the shows making everything happen do you know what yoni had at three in the morning after i'd been doing uh a special kind of drug that kalilah went to a doctor

to do all night i could not believe what was happening. He had two smoke bombs, the color of yellow and red, the same colors of the Corvettes. Tony and I did this epic photo shoot where Todd was, like, pulling these, like, smoke bombs of the same color. He, like, just has everything. It just was so amazing. What is this arrangement they have? Yeah.

How much is Yoni getting? I really tried to find out. What does he call? How much does he cost? I asked Tony, and he said, i don't know tony said i don't know my business manager handles it oh wow it's just obviously it's this is weird for me you're telling me about my ex boyfriend's new life and it's way better without you well that's always well the fact that you're someone that needs someone to wait on you and so is he there's no way you could have both right yeah you're both like pillow princesses yeah that wow this and i did so much of that special

thing all weekend my shows were amazing friday night were so good sold out epic made way more than i make on a weekend don't know why we're doing weekends by the way why are we not just doing rock clubs and making so much money but anyway it was so fun fans were amazing shows were incredible Duncan came to the shows I was hanging out with Duncan and his wife Duncan Trussell and his wife Erin it was like heavenly Ron White came over to the mansion it was like it was just bliss like it was so much fun Selah Tony's better replacement I believe it she's a yoga instructor my hip was hurting i'm on that special thing she's giving me a fucking yoga lesson outside like by this infinity pool why does every guy

replace me with a yoga instructor it's getting weird because you aren't flexible i am flexible i'm maybe that's what it is yeah you're not you're a fake yeah you're fake weak i saw attempt to put her foot down on the ground i you you could deadlift more than any one of us. That's not true. You could do Romanian deadlifts. I guarantee it. Aside from other Carlos, what are our options for your replacement? I was not in on this.

Did I sign off on you being replaced? I'm not sure. We'll see if anyone's good enough. No, you would have to sign something. That's, first of all, that's not true. Kalila wouldn't have to sign something first of all that's not true Kalila wouldn't have to sign something hello Imad

my name sorry my name is Imad big fan through the Tiger Bell universe I'm a truck driver so podcasts are like a lifeline that saved me from the deathly boredom of driving like 8- 10 hours a day.

I love the positive energy. I do think your show is awesome. I think Annie is one of the funniest podcasters out there. Not rambling anymore. Keep it up. Keep chatting. Slow it down. Slow it down.

Say it again. More detail. I don't like that he's a mad because we need someone who can let things roll off their shoulders. He's a cranky. I love her. Kalilah, great too. The whole show is awesome. I'm liking what I'm hearing here.

Kalilah, great too. And that's it. Okay. I don't think you should have gotten up and left it was it was entertaining because you know it created like kind of like a weird dynamic wait what's he talking about here and Annie dealt with it by making jokes but Esther was really affected that's why I didn't like it because he really you can see that he hurt his

master I talked to Pete. He brought up that news story that created some kind of a different talking point, something to get the show moving along. This guy. He just did his job. Isn't it incredible? I don't want to replace Carlos. I don't think he should be replaced at all.

I think what he did was overreaction. I think he should appreciate what he has. He has a chance to be on a podcast. Thank you so much for saying it the ego's gotten out of control just like the hair wait but i why why was i ruined it somehow no no no i think the term he used was affected no no you didn't ruin it he felt he said it was bad what he did because it made you upset yeah it upset you he was like feeling for you my god i'm the victim congrats we all got what we wanted i'm funny kalilah's great and you're a victim

that's like the ultimate thing i can ask her great too that's all i want in life great too i don't need any more yeah they don't but you know what they don't get to see you in your fucking element okay they don't see you you with these shoulders flopping around. Speaking of shoulders. You got your fins. Annie, I can't lift my right shoulder past this point. I've torn my labrum. So no, my shoulders aren't.

Oh, I think these shorts are tearing my labrum as well. Yeah, I tore my, I think I'm going to the doctor tomorrow, but I haven't been able to lift my left shoulder like past this in two weeks from too many hand jobs way too many no i'm a lefty did it happen during uh working out or did you wake up with it no i was pulling back like bands on a spear gun for five straight days and i did one yoga class and then after that it was i couldn't sleep anymore but oh my god wait can we just see how she just said i was doing it for five days straight, and she said it really fast.

That shot's fired. What do you mean? That you're like, I can't lift my head. And she's like, for fucking five days straight. She would kill you. She would probably, you would be. No, I don't think so. I think her low center of gravity

is really something to watch out for. Not with a spear gun. No, no, no. I wouldn't use that weapon against my poor little baby fish. Yeah, but what about my teeth? They are sharper than mine, I think. My gaps might be a detriment.

Also, those sharp white things on the side of your mouth are probably going to cut us. The smell will disarm you. What is this? Who is this? It's another guy who wants to replace me. Oh my god, he's looking good. Better hair than Carlos. Yep. Hey guys.

What's up? Just sent in my video to be Carlos' replacement. I have a list here of my superior qualities. I love him. Carlos is actually mad.

Look at his face. I just thought I should He's soothing. Soothing, uh-huh. First of all, I'm fat. And Carlos is seething. So that's awesome for you guys because now you don't ever

have to worry about being like body shamed. That's such a good point. Cupcake shamed. If you're near me, like, I'll be the center of like, you know,

We pay Carlos to fat shame us, honestly. Maybe Carlos' weight is like, he's too skinny for that. He's hungry. That's why he's so upset. He's hungry. I'm always hangry, yeah. All right, let's keep going.

Okay, so number one, his qualities he listed. He says he's fat. Yeah. Okay, that's a good one. Wait, can I also just pause and say thank you so much for being a skinny person, admitting that you're hangry because i'm so sick of skinny people pretending like they're okay so thank you as esther withers away in her chair to dust esther has a bite of sushi every day on carlos's orders i wish i had

shake shack this week lettuce wrap don't He's like, I'm not slipping. I'm lazy. Ooh. So I don't work hard. Big plus. Very Carlos. I feel like that's a benefit because now you'll feel like so productive. That's always nice.

This is like me on a first date. Poor. That's great. Love to be around people who are in debt. But I like me on a first date. Poor. That's great. Love to be around people who are in debt. But I'll never ask you for anything. I'll just complain a lot. I'll give you once one of these crystals falls off, I'll give it to you. You can have one of my swarovsk.

I love this guy. I'm definitely not intelligent at all. He fully fits in. He's smart. He's so full of shit. He can like woman's plane things to me left and right that's like a that's like a bit of a role reversal that's always popular wait is this my new guy he is describing your favorite attributes he kind of is or what i'm

used to yeah i mean take this, Esther, you stupid bitch. I grabbed him first. You can take my sloppy second. I'm jealous. She's not going to be able to reach out. I'll start with her. I'll have to hold her up. Oh, my God.

She's always like this girl. I've seen her several times. She's always like, I wanted Esther to grab my boobs. I will. After years of fine print contracts and getting ripped off by overpriced wireless providers, if we've learned anything, it's that there's always a catch. So when I heard that for a limited time, all Mint Mobile wireless plans are $15 a month when you purchase a three-month plan, I thought, where's the catch?

But after talking to them, it all made sense. There isn't one. Mint Mobile's secret sauce is that they sell wireless services online they don't have retail stores or sales people instead they deliver premium phone plans directly to you as you guys know our friend rick glassman he uses mint mobile i learn about mint mobile through george kimmo george is a busy guy he takes the most business calls and the fact that not a single call is ever dropped and you can use your own phone with any mint mobile plan and bring your phone number along with all of your existing contacts. Say goodbye to your overpriced wireless plans. Mint Mobile is here to rescue you with plans starting at 15 bucks a

month and all plans come with high speed data and unlimited talk and text delivered on the nation's largest 5G network. That is such a steal. To get this new customer offer and your new three-month unlimited wireless plan for just 15 bucks a month, go to mintmobile.com slash Tuesday. That's mintmobile.com slash Tuesday. Cut your wireless bill to 15 bucks a month at mintmobile.com slash Tuesday. $45 upfront payment required equivalent to $15 a month. New customers on first three-month plan only. Speed slower above 40 gigabytes on unlimited plan additional taxes fees and restrictions apply statement mobile for details oh jessal nick uh talked about this week on his podcast about how someone clipped him from his trash tuesday episode

saying how all these like third and fourth parties that clip our shows how they're just scams hopefully people paying attention will do that. And then reaction videos, where people will take a video podcast and then do a podcast where they play it and then react to it. I was on a podcast called Trash Tuesday last week. They're not reacting to their own podcast, are they? They're reacting to, like, they'll do one of us

where they play a clip. We sound so old. And then it's these guys, like, i saw some uh i got a google alert that was like anthony jessel like trashes norm mcdonald and i'm like what oh my gosh and i click on it it's these two guys i've never seen before like in a setup just like this and they're playing clips of me on this other podcast i didn't even watch it i just i saw them pop up and i was like what is this there's no way they didn't watch it they just do a podcast where they talk about he's talking about what you did on another podcast and then they get views it's a fucking well you're giving him by the way you know what i said about normie donald i think nothing i was on a podcast where the interesting conversation about all this too is that like why

do we have to put a dead person immediately into sainthood when they've passed. Also, I do not think that's what I don't know. We're not even talking shit on Norm. We're saying real shit. Wait, can I just tell you what's happening? Listen, the one way to get on these clips is to mention the clips. This is all going to be clipped.

This is going to be like an inception of clips and stuff. It's just your choice whether you want to have Google Alerts on or not. My God, clip me. But also it's like, you can't listen. Please clip me. I have a hot take, okay? I have a hot take.

I want to be clipped so bad, Annie. It's so pathetic. Make me clip. I'm a fucking clippy bitch. Norm Macdonald deserved to die. Clip me. I, um. Norm MacDonald deserved to die. Oh, my God. I'm just kidding, though. We made up.

Me and Norm did have a fight, but we did make up. Oh, my God. It doesn't count when you talk to his corpse, bitch. No, no. We made up. Esther went to the funeral and told the fucking casket she forgave him. I told you guys. Can I just tell you he doesn't,

he didn't care whether you made up or not. He didn't. Can I just say something about that? You're right. Because when I approached him to make up with him, he said, we got into a fight. He's like, why would I get into a fight with you? And I was like, okay, yeah. You know what?

It's like for all of us, right? It's like you kind of just say something one day, then you move on and you feel another thing and you don't even remember half of the things you say. So it's like, we just shouldn't be taking anything personally. I will say this, though. I think we have a job where we are public figures.

We get a lot of perks. It's really fun. We get to do a lot. I think it's like when I look at the award ceremonies with celebrities, and they're like, we don't want the host to be mean to us. It's like, they have to be mean to you because you have to counter it all. So even though our egos get our feelings hurt and stuff, it's like they have to be mean to you because you have to counter it all so even though our egos get our feelings hurt and stuff it's good to have people clip stuff out it's good

to have people talk shit on us because there has to be a balance right do you know what i mean so i'm like fucking well i it's just our choice whether we want to watch it or whether we want to be like hurt by it i think it's it can be harmless but i think it's it's like it probably if you're anthony and you you're you see this thing where it says that you like trash someone that you didn't trash you're probably just like what the fuck yeah well it's all good it's all good for our spiritual growth to do this but it's also just like you can't knock something that is getting the views right because what's wrong it is working randy just shows up oh there's the mailman is here the views, right? Because it is working. Randy just shows up.

Oh, there's the mailman is here. The mailman? What is this? So hacky. How hacky is that? For a dog to bark at the mailman? Don't it. Don't it, you hack.

You perform me. No, but I do think it's like, it's like, it's fair game. Yeah. No, it is fair game. And, you know, if you're up for... They want to be trash, trashers, that's their life. Listen, when you start fucking shitting on people, people shit on you back, things go back and forth.

We could be like, we don't deserve it. Okay, then we don't deserve it. We don't listen to it. I'm not saying it's good what they're doing, but it's just like... It is a fair game, but it doesn't mean that there's a whole lot of like, there's not a whole lot of suffering happening on both sides. You know what I mean? Like it's evident what that dynamic is.

It's like the person writing it to the person receiving it. There's a whole lot of like unsettled shit. And like, well, Carlos pulled this up. Pete Davidson, say for instance, says he's been in trauma therapy due to connie west's online harassment

like i can only imagine the tiny bits and pieces of like hatred that i get compared to someone who really is in the spotlight like that i mean that cannot be good for anybody there's no way it's it and i can't even what i think about now is like all the teen pop stars like from when we were younger and all the horrible things that were said about them and this was like before that was more of a universal experience and you couldn't like get it to like it didn't get to you as easily you could block it out right right but like can you believe like they must have been so fucked up right like well also they didn't have a way to counter anything yeah so it's like their pr people probably

had to kind of do that work for them whereas now you have the option to speak directly to your fans and be like look i didn't fucking do that or isn't that but all the while you're still maybe you know stoking that fire even more by because you it's like if if someone is committed to not liking you there's nothing you can say or do but also they don't know you and it's like if someone is committed to not liking you there's nothing you can say or do but also they don't know you and it's not about you yeah it has nothing to do with you and it's like i don't want to sound like i don't want to like sound like i'm not being like sensitive to like that you get have been getting like a lot of shit but it's like we just have no control over what people are going to do and how they're going to take our words and stuff we just have control over this

and like how we feel and what we put out and we have to just be strong in that because there's nothing you can do it's like it's fucking but it is hard unless it's like you know true defamation or whatever it's it's hard i'm not getting canceled for rape you're not getting canceled for fucking you know um you know dry banging a 13 year old you're not doing like we're just we don't we our mouths get us in trouble we get a lot of certain hate for it people don't like our personalities or whatever but it's like like, we're not, you know, there's, there's far worse things out there. And I'm okay with it.

You're just outspoken and people don't like that. And they're being outspoken. We're getting mad at them for being outspoken because it's, it's like cute. Thanks guys. Like, thanks for watching. Like you, obviously you're going to like shit on us or whatever. Who cares? It's just, it's like, who cares?

It's like, I stand by the shit I say. I like who I am. like i stand by the shit i say i like who i am i like how i act if i'm like if i'm getting resistance it's like todd always says in video games it's like when you're getting to the next level you read you get the most um bad guys yeah the hardest boss yeah so it's like what are you gonna do yeah todd is that's a good way to put it yeah i mean he probably watched movie. Sometimes I'm like watching a movie and it's like all the things Todd has said to me. I thought about something about Todd and how he's very like a very like doting, wonderful partner. And there was this TikTok that I saw where the lady's like, if there's one thing I look for in a guy is whether or not he does something for you when it's inconvenient to him. And I'm like oh my god

that's it like new test that is like the ultimate green flag i think when someone does something for you even though it's inconvenient to them how about you're getting paid um how about how about when like small things you know like i'm it's out of my way but i'm gonna do it anyway how about when todd's already in bed and i'm still up and i'm like i need water he'll like literally get up from bed he's the best but see okay counterpoint is i don't really want to do things for my partner when they're inconvenient for me so i don't want to request that of him because i don't want it depends what kind of demands esther if you're just like i need a freaking strawberry pie from this Ohio delicatessen. That's crazy. Rue Barb. Thank you for knowing what it was that I wanted.

No, honestly, I'm telling you, I did the best thing when Todd and I decided 90-10. It's just across the board, 90-10. Well, you know what is actually really good advice that Dave gave me early on was- To shut the fuck up and stop asking me for things? Did I tell you guys that the other day we had dinner and I got up from dinner and he goes, all right, see you tomorrow. Like I was like, okay, well played. Like he just didn't want to see me the rest of the night.

He gave me – he actually – he gave me relationship advice that he said he had heard before that always assume that you're going to do 60% and they're going to do 40% so that you're never like mad at them or resent them. For him to be saying that to you is so funny. And you were like, you said, what was it? 96% and 4% that I do. But I think you like being like told no. Yeah. No, I'm like a dog dog i want boundaries and discipline i do i am i am a dog oh and you guys don't have to talk about this

obviously if you don't want to i feel like you're forcing your hand here i don't want to talk about let's not talk about comedians anymore okay yeah the only reason i brought it up because like john oliver made fun of him it went mainstream so i thought what did john oliver say he made fun of him for yeah i mean the long-term girlfriend thing what he said you okay i'm never mind i don't remember his exact words speak your mouth speak what's in your head no my aunt that's my answer he just so john oliver made yeah he just made fun of him there's i'm not like you know gonna just regurgitate it why because you didn't read it because you didn't read it tell us the truth no i watched it i don't want i didn't know if you don't remember you were high when you you were high of course i was high it's okay it's okay just tell the truth

all we want is the truth wait are we so do we not we're not talking about it we're moving on i just feel like i mean do you want to it's like to me it's like where's the surprise yeah we've known about it for a while yeah it's funny to say long time girlfriend when someone that's 23 and he said he was friends with her for before she turned 18 17 year old but we know yeah i mean it's very self-explanatory i feel like we don't need to you know give it a good deep dive because it's like it's do i need to give myself fucking do i have to shadow box in the mirror before i go to every comedy club now? It's like I can't keep getting comic opponents. Mind you, I'm a product of a 36-year age gap, by the way.

And when I ask my mom about, like, her love for my dad, it is a sincere, deep love. But it comes from a place of, like, he rescued me from an abusive marriage that I got into when I was 18. And, you know, he was sort of my savior. And I have a love for was 18. Um, and you know, he was sort of my savior and I have a love for him in like a fatherly way. And she will explain it in that way. About your dad. About my father. I didn't know your mom was thrice married.

That's so hot. Oh, she didn't marry Roger? She never got married. No, Roger, they're not married, but sorry,

Roger. She loves you so much. But that's why she's staying with you. Yeah. But, um, but yeah, you know, and so it's like they had a really great relationship and it worked out. But do I acknowledge that it probably was completely inappropriate for a 56-year-old man to rescue a 21-year-old Filipina who he knew was probably living in abject you know poverty she wasn't 17

she wasn't 17 she wasn't right but still it's like that age gap it's like i very i'm very clear about what that that dynamic wasn't it doesn't mean there wasn't love down the road and sincere but it it wasn't in um i don't know. How many years was it? 36 year gap. Oh my God. So your boyfriend right now would be one. Yeah, exactly. Your man's one years old. But if you ask my mom, she speaks about him in, I will not love someone more than him,

but in a very like, in the same way, like you won't love anyone more than your dad. Like that kind of way. Sorry, mom. I wonder, it is a weird thing because you're giving a different perspective on it it's like he was older than her dad yeah so my dad was older than my grandfather it's like how can we have these experiences in our own life but then be mad at that but also okay i can i'm not 18 18 and over i can have judgments about like an older guy dating a 18 to 21 year old but that's just judgment you're breaking the law you're fucking kids you're grooming kids you're hitting on people that's that are not developed

that do not have they're not allowed to vote they're not allowed to do anything yet they can't do anything it's you're you're being a child molester or you're being a little bit questionable. But I only have the right to just have a judgment on that. If you're under 18, fuck you guys. That's fucked up. And to add to this, it's very different from the Dane Cook thing

because it sounds like there was intent and like a long time to really read the situation and then going ahead with it anyways my dad saw my mom getting dragged out by her hair by her first husband outside of a wedding venue and my dad um followed them oh my god followed the car that my mom was in that her husband had taken her in and he held the man at gunpoint oh my god that's the hottest story ever don't fucking touch her again he paid for her annulment he paid for her because divorce is not legal in the philippines i want to fuck your dad dig him up dig him up esther wait this is why i'm attracted to you esther if you fucked her dad he is a corpse you would have to do the work it's a no-go you would literally you'd be

you'd be skeleton fucking and and so basically it's like of course she was she felt such strong feelings about it at 22 years old yeah from a bad he was like this is a person that saved my actual life um so a little different than saved your life too and saved my life i just i want to say something on this that's really amazing that is amazing i'm like my parents met on a blind date it's like dad step it up like i think that i have some like deep-rooted anger and resentment around this subject and i realized i think it comes from starting out in comedy as a young woman and just having so many men um bring up this idea and try to brainwash me with this idea that i would be worthless when i was older and like so i think that's i just have this deep-rooted anger

but what would they say like what do you mean by like brainwashing that you have a shelf life yeah yeah like well think about who i can only guess some of the people that might have been saying this to you well from who we know mutually i don't even think you like okay so that honestly i'm just going to be really honest with you guys right now like a couple weeks ago i was on a comedy lineup and it really made me say to like a lot of close people in my life like I think I'm gonna quit stand-up like I just don't like how I feel when I see my face up with those other faces because one of all of them I I thought I'm not I can't whatever one of them of them, when I first started standup, fucking messaged me on Facebook Messenger.

And this man was in his 40s or 50s. I was 21. He Facebook messaged me. I just started standup. He goes, hey, how old are you? I'm like 21. He goes, you're too old for me. This man is in his 50s at the time.

And so then when I fucking see my name on a lineup with him when I'm like I'm 34 I'm like in my best moment in my career I'm so happy thriving and I'm just like I don't want to do this I don't want to be around these fucking freakos can I counter this though yeah then you need to be on that lineup I'm not saying like you have to like I there are clubs I don't even perform at because I don't want to mix my audience I feel like I have this fucking incredible audience I'm growing from the show we all do right these like fucking strong men, people that are like about getting better, being fucking their best selves, being themselves and shit, healing, getting better. Like I don't want them mixed in with some of these people that I know what they're doing

to their audience is preying on them, using their power against them, doing like literally the opposite thing I'm doing. So I don't like to mix my audience with them. So I kind of stay away from certain places, which sucks, you know, but, you know, maybe I can have my own night at these places and then I don't have to worry about it. But it's like, you can control the lineup, but for you to tap out and not do it, something that you love, that your fans love, that you're like, I always look at like, instead of focusing on them and what they're taking i try to focus on what i'm giving right like shine the light brighter over them so you can't see it that's really i think annie's right like your

existence is the resistance you know it's like you have to be there esther or not this person has just won that same old game but okay can i can I ask you this, Annie? Like, do you ever see a like, a lineup or a group of people that you're gonna have to go be around to do stand up? And you're are you ever like, I hate how that makes me feel? Does that ever bother you? I have not been in that situation in a long time, because I've, I stay where I'm, I've been staying where I'm safe, you know, but sometimes that happens, you know, and what I try to do'm, I've been staying where I'm safe, you know, but sometimes that happens, you know, and what I try to do is I do jokes, if I have to bring someone up, that is maybe had some allegations or whatever, I do jokes about that topic. I close with top

jokes about that topic. And then I go, you know, them from so and so and then I bring them out. Because if they're innocent, who cares that I'm making those jokes? And if they're guilty, they got to feel that awkwardness of the fact that they did do that to someone. But I do acknowledge that it probably isn't a great feeling for you to be there, except that the only way to even challenge the status quo is for you to be there. Yeah. to even challenge the status quo is for you to be there.

Yeah. I think that you are stronger than needing to let the outside source get you. Are you, they're bringing you up, you're bringing them up type thing? It's really, it was just like, I don't want to be associated with people like that. I'm like, I'm loving my life. Like, I love, I love girly stuff. Like, I don't know. I think it was just like, I don't want to be associated with like creepy old men anymore.

I don't think they will associate you. You know what I mean? Because I do think like be that voice on that lineup. Yeah. I mean, you can quit comedy if you want, but. I won't let you. This isn't quite as important of a topic because it was just a fleeting moment in my life. But I was charged by a hungry shark for the first time in my life i've always seen them around in like nine out of ten even the fucking ocean life is finding out she's

single you guys you'd be surprised how little action i'm getting no one is really um taking the bait you're not ready yet i'm not yeah I think I'm putting out those vibes. You'll get whatever you want. You'll get whatever you want. No, but it was the first time in my life where, like, you know, like, you think about what a shark encounter is going to look like. And I've had so many of them. We shouldn't be cruising. You see a tiger shark, you see this.

And you're like, oh, they're just around. But to see a shark come up, like, vertically while I'm swimming down and we're going for the same exact fish is really something. To see a shark just charge. This is the perfect analogy for what you were just saying. It sounds like the exact same thing. You're like going for the same spot. The shark's coming at you. And guess what, Esther? We basically, what I had to do was not turn away i had to stand there

and stick to my guns and i didn't hurt the shark right i pointed my gun at it and it it kind of bumped its face onto the tip of my gun and it turned away i didn't hurt the shark but he knew he had to turn away she knew she had to turn away she was a female we were going after what did she have tits how do you know? I'm just like, why didn't you get eaten by the shark? No, sharks don't eat fucking humans.

That's why. Sharks are amazing. They eat a limb or two. Wait, what? The ecosystem collapses without sharks. We need sharks. Sharks are great.

The story is not to demonize sharks. It's just to tell you that this is just a regular diving encounter. Oh my God, I just thought of the best horror movie,

Demon Shark. Wait, I feel like Kalilah's against the message I'm trying to send send here kalilah is talking like she's been canceled before for saying a bad thing about a shark i feel like there's a community you never know anymore listen the comedy and podcast community going against her has kind of hurt her feelings if the ocean life community goes against her it's over her life is done it's over for me um no but um yes you're right it is the perfect analogy you're supposed to sort of show and assert your existence not in a violent way i need to get strong like i think you are strong i need to get i sometimes i'm weak and

i just need to get what my dad calls to be in a confronting mode which is like when he has the energy to like make a karen phone call and like get something taken off his bill so like i'm telling you got a shadow box sometimes i just shadow box before i go in i need to just get in a confronting mode and be like oh you guys want to fuck with me i'll it'll it's not every time they don't even mess with me but also every time you think about that you're distracting yourself focus on growing your light what you do every time you think about it bring yourself back to like putting it into your own shit yeah because it's external locus of control you're letting all these outside sources we have no control over people clip our fucking videos and shit it's like you know what i mean but there's this thing that um duncan had said to me on my podcast when i did my old podcast meanspiration also my solo podcast is coming out in like a few it's like you know what I mean but there's this thing that um Duncan had said to me on my podcast

when I did my old podcast meanspiration also my solo podcast is coming out in like a few weeks I'm so excited but um it I someone reminded me of it because they were like this has helped me so much so what he said to me is there's this term called pro noia instead of paranoia where you think the world is against you look at as the world's for you so you're being presented with this like situation that's hard so that you can like learn how to kind of like not like shake it off yeah and they wouldn't even say it's hard it just makes me feel yucky yeah yeah but let's change how the i think we are we're already making the comedy scene different and i think that it's okay that it forever makes you feel yucky as long as you're not um letting it dictate or something as big as like quitting comedy right that's because that's your love yeah Duncan this is on Duncan Duncan said this to me so this is on Duncan pronoia is a

form of denial this is on Duncan trestle pronoia is a form of denial that protects a fragile person's self-esteem from criticism and rejection. It can arise from persistently grandiose thinking and a narcissistic personality. Would that not fit? Would that not fit? I think this can be a really helpful tool when you're struggling with something like that. Yeah, but why would that even matter? I think that's bullshit, that thing. Why would it, if it helps you not feel like the world.

No, that's a negative take on it. Because I feel like paranoia is way more narcissistic when you think everyone's like against you it's so narcissistic yeah that's crazy that's like people who are like i just know i'm gonna die in a plane crash like i can't fly it's like you're you think you're special yeah you think you're off the hook and i don't mean that it's like you're you're not like forgiving their behavior or anything but unhook them from you. These people are holding you down. Cut them off.

Look at it as like this is a good lesson. Focus. Just make yourself stronger. If something really pisses you off, write a joke about it. I have a question for you. Counter it with a joke. I have a question for you guys. What is your take on healthy hairs growing out of moles? I know that it's a sign of healthy moles.

That's what I just learned. But is this the barrier and the reason why I haven't been dating anyone? Let me see. I don't know. Carlos gets on dates and his whole head is a hairy mole. Should I pluck that hair out of that mole? Esther, any excuse for Esther to get close to your pussy? You guys. should i pluck that esther any excuse for esther to get close to your pussy you guys you know i i have one that and i always pluck it but that i i just want to say as someone who pays attention to skin stuff it's a misshapen mold you need to get it looked at um no hairs

it's oh yeah because of the hair no because you're following you're correct esther a b c d e asymmetry b for border c for color d for diana oh my god you're following, you're correct, Esther. A, B, C, D, E. Asymmetry. B for border. C for color. D for diameter. Oh my God, are you talking about our vaginas? Oh my God. The moles.

But this has stayed the same size since I was a kid. Oh, okay. And there's just a big mole there and maybe, you know. That one chat of a friend that I have who drinks like monster drinks and like punches walls and stuff.

He was just like, that's fucking gross. You take that fucking hair out of your mole. Who is this guy? your mouth you gotta stop hanging out with all these people i'm happy to hear you say this because i have always had this little tiny judgment where i'm like maybe colin's gonna cut some of these people off you got too many lifelong friends you're not supposed you're supposed to have like one or two lifelong i hadn't traveled with him in a while and he this is what he said to me like before one of our excursions out in the world he i was wearing i mean annie probably would have said something similar because she wants me to she wants to

boost me up not bring me down but he did say that i was wearing sweatpants and um a thermal which i thought i'm like it's kind of cool out very cute sexy to me yeah everything oversized and before i walk out the door he was like you're gonna wear that because you're just gonna meet a friend of mine for the first time that's what you're gonna wear i'm like yeah i kind of want to do like a sit down general meeting with him and see what he has to say about me let's bring him on the show like i want him to do me where does he live i'm in america i can't say let's fly him in okay so i came up with a segment, plan B if Hollywood doesn't work out,

but it's like us, our plan B is for each other. Okay. Now, can you pick up, can you pull up the synopsis of the movie, The Orphan? Devastated by the loss of their unborn baby, Kate and John decide to adopt a child. At the orphanage, both feel drawn to a little girl named Esther. Oh.

And soon the couple take their new daughter home. But when a dangerous series of events unfolds, Kate begins to suspect that there is something evil lurking behind the child's angelic exterior. Yeah, that she's 34. That she's 34. If Holly, I'm not saying for you to get cast in this. I want you to do this in real life.

Wait, someone. I know what you're saying. Wait, didn't this happen to a couple in like Ohio? And they adopted a child from like Russia or something. And they later found out that she was actually like 22 years old. Or the little girl, the girl, the little girl that was sick. That she was like, I'm sick and a little girl. And it's like, she was like 40 and not sick at all.

You know what? I'll even just put this, put this out there as a pitch if anyone wants to knowingly adopt a 34 year old woman who will pretend to be a child we'll do no chores though wait i think your best bet is sia she adopted like 34 year old black men it's like you cannot make them do one chore or it becomes pretty they better not have done one chore, Sia. Here's the article, Chloe. Okay, so, oh my God. So Indiana mother who adopted a six-year-old Ukrainian girl with dwarfism

has been charged with abandonment but claims her daughter was found to be a 22-year-old sociopath masquerading as a child. That's it, Esther. Because Esther would also sue them and be like you abandoned me she would somehow win annie is that not esther scroll down honestly it looks like me oh my god look at the mother does the mother not look exactly like me that's me oh my god me. This is our story. And this is our story. Oh, my God. She's so cute. She's so cute. But I guess she tried to kill the parents.

See, I won't do that. This is such a cute evil little baby. I would love to just, I'll color. I'll just sit and color. I literally sat and colored last night. Oh, you did? Yeah. What did you color?

Do you have a picture of it? No. Was this like art therapy? I just, I, sometimes I i at night i paint or i color since ever since i retired from stand-up eight days ago i color now um you want to adopt me you seem like you like that oh my god how soon is it gonna be till you announce you're in trauma therapy by the way if i ever went to trauma therapy you would never hear about it what is trauma therapy i didn't know it existed um just therapy

trauma therapy yeah i think that that's just regular therapy since we all have trauma but yeah but they have intensive ones that um bobby has been a part of where you go in for a week oh yeah 12 hour days of just facing your trauma i did that oh i thought it was just facing that would put my trauma would look like that i was thinking about this is very controversial this is an idea i came up with i just pitched it to a friend she didn't like it oh no no no this would end up with me getting like pulled off a yacht and arrested but um obsessed what if i made a like and maybe this already exists if you had someone if you had someone rape you to get over being raped like if you're like i i mean i think people do this yeah but if you're like okay to the therapist

you're like you're gonna rape me i'm gonna say no but because i previously consented we can get through it i realized i survived reenactment basically yeah people do that all the time don't they that's not her fucking porn. No, Annie, that's exactly what they do at the trauma, the center of that. But they don't really like finger you, do they? No, but they basically reenact the whole thing with a different outcome. Yeah. Where you actually cum.

It's so hard. Hardest you've ever cummed in your life. Just jizz on the walls. I have a present for Kalilah. Oh my goodness, I can't wait. Better than this blow-up doll, which I will later be humping. All right, I hope it's the right size. Don't be offended.

It's because I bought two. I have gained, just as FYI, which I'm happy about. But I have put on some weight since my shoulder injury. You better close you up to Carlos. So Esther and I both have one of these. So now we can be matching in a skin slug dress. It's my favorite dress. Do you know how...

Wait, should we all wear it at one time for an episode? How much my vagina is almost showing when I wear that dress. It's so short on me i have to know though how did you accidentally buy two listen i go i i black out when i do a new skinny when i get that email when i get that email that says we got a new uh but everybody fits everybody in i'm i black out I order, order, order. I thought that I had... I did two orders in one week, okay? So these were still available on both order, which is not...

I did order that already. I already ordered that one and the purple one. I get them too, the emails. The girls? I bought the bandos, the neon bando ones. Yeah.

Oh, you did? Wait. I have too much of like this. I do too, but I love that part. I think it's so that part i wouldn't mind you fuckable because of the sweaty armpits i love little fat pads by the armpits it's so cute and sexy to me i wouldn't call you a fat pad you're a fat pad i wouldn't mind if you like every time everybody ordered from skims they'd throw that on the group text just so we're all aware of what everybody's getting like i wouldn't mind they'll just you lost those privileges i used to tell you every time if i ever get i'm on my fucking self-help walk i'll kill you i never even reached out to this

bitch anymore when you get rejected when someone's on a walk the best time to talk um do we have more time yeah okay so i've been doing this new thing where in the morning to get in touch with my spiritual side i pull different cards okay this seems like i'm setting up a joke it's not but i do three different cards each morning i do a tarot card i don't know what any of them mean i have to look at all of these up i do a tarot card I do one of these cards it's called an I am everything affirmation deck oh I love that one and I do an animal card so I was thinking maybe we do these on the episodes yeah yeah yeah should we should we do it now or save it I like the I am everything I feel like I am everything I think of these cards today. I am everything, I think, and it's the easiest one, too.

Do you want me to shuffle it for you first? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I choose it. That's the card I choose. Yeah, but Ori, why don't you shuffle it and then pull one out? My urge to shuffle it like a dealer is... My urge to shuffle it for you was really psycho. When I grabbed it, when you pulled it and I pulled it back, I was like, ooh, control issues.

Shuffling is fun. Okay, here's... I always get to shuffle because i play by myself that's what we call your run your shuffle you know i played um solitaire a lot growing up and my lonely um times i play yeah i used to have to like invent ways to make games that were supposed to be for multiple players for one. No one fucking played with me. This is so great. This is exactly what I needed. I'm not even lying.

I'm not trying to be facetious. I am aware. When I pay attention to my surroundings, I can feel appreciation for everything. I see so much beauty in the world. Being aware means living in the present and fully experiencing my life in the here and now. I am aware. Remember when Dr. Drew says if if you're in a heightened sense of like just, you're not present, you're not here, right? Which is like one of my biggest problems.

But this is what I really need. I love that. That's a very relatable problem, by the way. What a great feeling, by the way, to be like fully aware and present. Everything around you just dissolves. What about like, have you ever done i've been doing a lot of like hypnosis and like meditations where you you feel like a light inside

you grow oh it feels so good really like light your whole body up it feels amazing she does it to me i'm on fire okay i know air conditioning i am bold i speak my truth in a loving way my courage to communicate my needs is powered by love for myself and love for others i am bold now that one you gotta keep doing comedy you have no choice that's a good one i love esther just shoehorning a fake idea to quit comedy she's just sick of traveling all right mine is i am open voter vulnerability is my strength not my weakness my openness attracts those who are beneficial to my highest good when i lean into my feelings i am honoring my truth when i communicate my feelings in a loving way i'm speaking my truth i am open

also my underwear and skims are open as well my My pants, the amount of labe I have showed during this thing is shocking. These are beautiful. Aren't they so good? This is fun. So we can just have these. Wait, what is our plan B for you if Hollywood doesn't work out? Esther, should we come up with, because you're going to be an orphan. I know, I should have warned you guys about this to think about it.

Esther, should we come up with, because you're going to be an orphan. I know, I should have warned you guys about this, to think about it. I think ranch, something working on a cattle range. You're like, being a full lesbian. With me. I would love to work on a cattle ranch. Do you know what I fell asleep to last night?

Legends of the Fall. Oh my God. That movie is like the only- Fuck me up. hot he's the worst you guys you gotta re-watch it he's literally the worst human being of all time why do they do this everything my so-called life jared leto's character uh this like the same like where you're just like this is the hottest person i've ever seen in my life he is the worst guy really you know that he abandoned his wife he leaves his wife okay he abandons her this woman he abandons this woman who's in love with him he leaves her he goes traveling on a boat takes opium no not just takes opium he kills

animals they show him killing like zebras because when samuel died and samuel got killed and got stuck in the barbed wire and he was like tristan and then it got triggered samuel that scene and then he was so traumatized that he decided to traumatize his whole family by going off and exploring the world taking opium killing animals and being like just a fucked up yeah he comes he keeps leaving and coming back and this woman's like so in love with him and and he's like i like she's like he must just not be able to love and then he just falls in love with the way younger girl who kind of looks like kalilah oh kalilah you should date brad pitt wait no way i'm not even kidding it's totally doable it's very easy oh my god we're gonna get brad pitt you guys i'm about to cry it's so easy it's so i knew we're going to get Brad Pitt. You guys are about to cry.

It's so easy. It's so easy. I knew we were going to get Brad Pitt, but I didn't know it was because Kalilah was going to date and marry him. Get your tits back, bitch. Set it up. No, actually, Angelina Jolie got her boobs after him. Well, she had her boobs removed. Yeah, but there were still the boobs.

I know it was for a good reason, but it was... Yeah. No are good they're just not fake they're just yeah small and a little bit misdirected but that's fine he maybe he's into that eyes but this way my eyes go this way if brad pitt is into cross eyes but diverse travesty strabism tits Brad fuck our friend date her love her he's our new daddy he's our new daddy bratty daddy oh my god Brad she's gonna date Brad Pitt what if I get he's sober

you love sober guys Brad Brad no it's not that I love sober guys I'm magnetized to alcoholics and addicts Brad

you're her type Brad okay I have to pretend not to sell myself. Tristan. She's not into you. I'm not into you.

It's us. She's not into you. Oh my God, she's going to date Brad Pitt. Wait, I have to tell you this is the funniest fucking thing that just happened. What?

Today, I was messaging, I was texting with my art professor from college. Like, she was like one of my biggest inspirations in my life. York she's so amazing so talented amazing sculptor like so monumental in my life she was texting me that she has an art show here and um I'm gonna be out of town but I was like if you stick around I'd love to have you on my solo podcast because I want to talk about some of like the life lessons she taught me and the idea of it like I started

like crying I was like so excited about having her on I literally was like oh my god like this is gonna be so amazing I'm like Todd it's gonna be so good right Todd goes Annie look at what I'm doing he was one cheek up wiping shit like he was like close the door like I was so in the moment I was like so clamped he was like babe not while i'm wiping like it was just like todd set his first boundary but also i did say to him because we both like have to shit immediately after we eat so we're always like emergency mode that is a gift by the way no he gave it to me i didn't used to have it can i well can i come over because i need that i'm so i fucking hate the way i feel after i eat it's always like you know some people can eat and their stomach stays flat yeah that would be a miracle for me i've always just a bloated because your

stomach is so flat no but when i eat it shouldn't be this just gaseous big you're eating something you're probably allergic to but like so we run home to to both poop and we have the two bathrooms and i'm like yelling ah like todd you're so far away we want to have like toilets next to each other oh like megan trainer does she have one yeah by the way megan trainer why haven't we had her on she's asked to be on it before yeah i've already made out with her oh esther esther you were there she can't be there we're not bringing her no i love her i want her on no we gotta have that same thing me same thing. Megan, you're a queen. You're everything. Todd and I are going to do this too. We're going to hold hands, take a shit.

I actually think this is pretty cute. This sounds really- I don't want to be away from him. But I have a poopoo. I'm a little poopoo shy with partners. Maybe not Brad Pitt. You can't shit next to Brad Pitt. If Brad Pitt was like,

Kalilah, I need you for me to like be into you. I need you to shit in front of me. Of course I would. I can't believe this is going to happen. Carlos is a little hurt. Carlos, your replacement is Brad Pitt. Get the fuck out. I really believe this is going to happen.

Shockingly, me and Dave have like, this is like the one area in our lives where there's like full respect. It's like if you need privacy in the bathroom, the other person will respect it. I think it's respect that Todd knows I need to see him when he's pooping. Although sometimes I'll listen. He just doesn't I need to see him when he's pooping. Although sometimes I'll listen. He just doesn't want me to be around with the,

Todd doesn't want to be around with the wiping, which I don't want to be around either. I don't want to see the wiping. All right. Wait, wait, wait, guys. Is Kalilah,

is Kalilah, is Kalilah, we'll end it on this. Is Kalilah going to date Brad Pitt? Well, you know I'm not doing the work to get us there. No, this is the universe. This is the universe? You universe you just put it out there well forget we talked about it then you're gonna come in and tell us okay surprise what is it raccoon oh fuck i gave you

the animal card okay that's okay wait am i the raccoon or is he a raccoon look up a raccoon medicine card will brad day pit date me raccoon how do. How do I interpret that? Well, Trash Tuesday. Raccoons love trash. It says a maybe. It just says raccoon. Raccoon is constantly trying to balance its curious. Okay, well. That's okay.

Yes. Curious nature between excitement and trouble. Yes or no? Yes. What are you? Excitement and trouble. Raccoon asks you to not become blinded by your curiosity but to use it

as a strength to problem solve and thrive in new experiences new experiences play and seek through life tune in next week to see if Kalilah is dating Brad Pitt yet

okay and to see why Donut threw up also we're doing these cards next time I have more cards for us. We have so much. A fan gave us these.

By the way, there's so much we didn't get to today. Please, we'll see you guys next week with a brand new episode. Bye, guys. Bye, guys.